In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Sarah rips a page out of Lorelei Gilmore's playbook and starts accidentally hitting on her daughter's teacher. Note to writers: We've seen this before. Additionally, the entire family is stunned that Amber got an A in English. They are less stunned when it turns out Amber copied an old paper of Sarah's. The good news is that the need to tell the teacher the truth gives Sarah another chance to flirt with el professor. When he compliments the paper and then offers to write a letter of recommendation for Amber, Sarah decides to let the truth go by the wayside. She also lets slip the name of the bar she works at. He shows up later to report that Amber told him about the paper and submitted her own. Flirting ensues.
In this week's controlling-lawyer-mom episode, Julia can't stand that her daughter has to play maid to a bossy friend who wants to be the princess. So she buys her daughter a tiara and pushes her to take the throne. But then there is a playground coup and little Sydney ends up dethroned and in tears. Julia's husband, whose name I don't actually know, which clearly says something, kidnaps Julia from her office for some light breaking and entering with a side of trespass. They go swimming, because this family does a lot of bonding in and around swimming pools.
Crosby and his pushy fiancée find out that her biological clock is ticking loudly enough for her doctor to hear. He encourages them to try and get pregnant nowish. Also, Crosby may want to tell her about Jabar sometime before she ovulates. But Julia's constant backseat lawyering convinces Crosby that he should get a paternity test. That does not go over so well with Jabar's mom, which does not go over so well with Julia. And then Sarah finds out that everyone but her knows Jabar exists and she gets mad at Crosby, too. You'd feel bad for Crosby if he wasn't such a complete and total chucklehead. Right before Katie (the fiancée) chucks her birth control in the ocean to start the insemination process, Crosby mans up and tells her that he has a son. Strangely she doesn't take the news well. Kind of like how Lorelei reacted when she found out Luke had a daughter he was hiding. Just saying.
Once everyone found out that Max has Asperger's, they feel bad for kicking him off the baseball team. So they invite him back to stand around in the outfield. Adam has some trepidation, because Adam is nothing but a walking trepidation. So he spends a lot of time trying to get Max to practice. But it is Drew (who? You know, Drew) who has the best luck with Max with the side effect of some much-needed paternal attention. Of course with fatherly attention comes fatherly disappointment. Adam stands him up at the baseball field and he has to play with his balls alone, which I think is what everyone was trying to avoid last week. Anyway, Sarah reads Adam a misplaced absentee father riot act and then Adam points out that he would have rather been at the ballpark then dealing with Max at Yogurtland. At the baseball game, Max makes a catch and everyone celebrates, because: whee! Adam and Drew make up and play some much needed baseball.
Adam is still struggling with the fact that Haddie's boyfriend exists, while the rest of the family struggles with Steve's overwhelming Eddie Haskellism. Haddie's attitude has not particularly improved since the teenaged-snot fest that happened last week. Doors are slammed, lines are crossed, and the young couple is ousted from the couch. Oh the horror! But then the happy twosome disagrees about the merits of Love Actually and have their first fight. Tears! And then, no tears! The romance is back on. Adam shudders silently.
Check back for the full recap later or the Bravermans will make you play sports at odd hours of the night!
Take a closer look at the most ridiculous family dilemmas tackled by Parenthood.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why vloggers Val and Beth thought this show was a bad idea. And check back soon for that weecap!
Lulu Bates a.k.a. Melissa Locker would rather be watching The Gilmore Girls. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Lorelei Gilmore, er...Sarah Braverman wanders the halls of her daughter's high school open house. She is lost, but probably would have preferred staying lost than asking for directions when the first person she asks for directions thinks she is Haddie's mom and starts extolling Haddie's brilliance at AP Chemistry (right, as if THOSE PEOPLE exist). Sarah corrects him and explains that Haddie is her niece and Amber -- poor, schlumpy, unathletic Amber --is her daughter. The guy looks mortified at engaging with an unpopular kid's mother and pulls out a whole bottle of Purell and dumps it on himself trying to scrub the unpopularity off his hands lest he infect his child. His child who apparently spends all her time telling her parents about what a genius Haddie Braverman is, like, STALKER, much? He backs away slowly and Sarah pulls off her nametag and sighs.
In the chip aisle at the local convenience store, Adam and Kristina are trying to convince Lil Rainman that the potato chips in the beige bag are just as good as the ones in the blue bag. Obviously this is a GIANT lie and Max just stares at his parents in disdain and wanders off to the aisle. Adam has a hard time grappling with the details of his son's way of thinking and his efforts usually come across as more steamroller than understanding and struggling parent. Anyway. The store's door opens and Adam blinks in horror as Max's Little League team comes barreling in for some unhealthy and trans-fat saturated snacks. Obviously the parents are wildly uninvolved. Adam has no interest in talking to the captain who took his place after his ouster. But Adam was apparently a naughty little boy and the baby Jesus is not hearing his quickly muttered prayer and the new coach and the entire team swarm him. The coach awkwardly mentions that he heard about Max's "situation" and at first I think he is talking about his abs, because That's The Situation, you know? But no, he is just uncomfortably talking about Max's Asperger's diagnosis. Kristina is astutely not making eye contact or acknowledging the usurper coach's existence, which is...mature. Then Max returns to the scene and the coach bends down and asks him if he wants to rejoin the team. As Adam and a suddenly-paying-attention Kristina both shake their heads no, Max says sure and for the coach, that settles it. Um, coach? In the future it might be nice to have the parents' permission first. But, oh well. Adam and Kristina make WTF? eyebrows at each other as the coach wanders off.
Back at the school, Sarah has stepped out a side door to chew some Nicotine gum in peace. I thought the whole point of gum was that you didn't have to go outside to chew it, unless you chew like a cow and then please take that action to the pasture. Some scruffalicious guy who looks like he snuck a few days past Shower Day comes outside and bums some gum. I thought the whole point of gum was that people didn't bum your smokes anymore. Are you telling me they bum gum too? That shit is expensive! Make him buy it for a quarter, Sarah! You're a single mom living in your parents' house, don't just give away your hard earned cash. The twosome makes small talk while smacking their gum and Sarah realizes that the guy isn't a parent, but a teacher. Specifically, her daughter's English teacher. WAIT. Really? No. I love historical reenactment as much as the MILF, but the writers CANNOT have Sarah Braverman REENACT AN ENTIRE STORYLINE FROM GILMORE GIRLS. Yes I am yelling! That is STUPID. I know Maura Tierney was supposed to play Sarah Braverman (which, genetically speaking would make a heck of a lot more sense, but don't get me started on genetics and casting when I am already in the middle of another rant -- wait, where was I? Oh, right) and so perhaps we would not have noticed the similar storylines, but Maura backed out a while ago and CLEARLY the writers should have made the time to re-think this story line when Lauren Graham was cast. I mean, COME ON. And, no, adding a vague cougar element to the exact same story IS NOT A TWIST. Anyway, grumble grumble. So, Amber's teacher flirts with his student's parent the only way he knows how: by complimenting her daughter's mad writing skills. Of course, even Sarah knows this is bullshit, because, Amber? No. But, she does look vaguely hopeful when he insists that Amber's paper on The Sound and the Fury was truly insightful. Oh please, Amber read The Sound and the Fury? Did they re-boot it as a teenage vampire novel?
It's still light out when Julia comes home from work, so she obviously has mommy-tracked herself. She says hello and immediately starts questioning whether her daughter is PLAYING correctly. Sydney and her friend Harmony are playing "the princess and the maid" and Sydney is the maid, which is UNACCEPTABLE. Sydney explains that sometimes she's the gardener or the cook and then a bell tolls and she runs off TO HAVE FUN. Julia makes a face at Joel, like, HOW CAN HE LET THIS HAPPEN? But Joel shrugs, because he's always the cook. Also, THE KID IS HAVING FUN.
Crosby sits uncomfortably to Katie as she asks a fertility professional questions about getting pregnant. For some reason she is concerned that she is infertile, but the doctor assures her that she's not...yet! But she should start trying to get pregnant now. This excites her (and her ovaries), but not so much Crosby. Don't worry Crosby, nothing puts a damper on a girl's baby cravings like a lying partner who doesn't tell her about his kid. Just ask Lorelei Gilmore!
It's Max's first game back on the baseball team. His parents, sister, and grandmother sit in the stands and so does poor cousin Drew, who has no friends and no hobbies and no dad to take him to real baseball games. Grandma is really concerned that Max's shirt is untucked, while the stands are populated with people who feel bad for the Bravermans because of their kid's diagnosis. One guy offers to bring them a meal, a kind, if very misguided offer. Adam thinks "Jackass!" loudly enough for Drew to pick up on it and call the guy a jackass out loud, even though he is sitting right behind them and probably heard it. And, he may be stupid, but he was trying to be nice. Haddie asks if her boyfriend can come to dinner and her grandmother insists, despite Adam's continuing stubborn prudishness. Then a ball is hit and it is flying in Max's general direction. Max has his mitt up, but another kid grabs the ball. The kid pats him on the back and says the coach said he should just stand there. Adam apparently has bionic hearing and shakes his head in aggravation at the remark. His kid may be on the autism spectrum, but he can still play sports. The Braverman sports genes trump all adversity!
Later at the Braverman Patriarch Homestead, Julia is busily chopping something healthy and lecturing Crosby on the overwhelming need to get a paternity test done on Jabbar. There could be serious legal and financial ramifications for him. Crosby shrugs and Julia glares at him. She is a lawyer and must be listened to. The really big knife doesn't hurt either. Adam wanders into the room and Julia yells at him for not telling Crosby to get a paternity test. Crosby is a child and must be told what to do. I would mock that statement, but it is pretty much accurate. Julia then asks if he told Katie about Jabbar, but he hasn't because her ovaries are overstimulated and he doesn't want to bother her. Are Crosby and Katie actually dating? Or are they just insemination buddies? Oh wait, they are supposed to be engaged, right? Their relationship seems so unbelievable. And I blame Crosby. What exactly does he bring to the relationship? I don't know if his character is supposed to be stoned all the time or whether he is stoned all the time or what, but I kind of want to slap him around for a while. And I know he is engaged to Kristen Bell and for some reason I assume she has good taste in men, but still...I want to work him over. So I don't mind when Julia yells at him or calls him a child. Out in the living room, Max is giving Drew a
nnotations while he tries to play a video game. Adam comes in and tries to talk Max into practicing baseball, but Max won't stop "helping" Drew, so Drew volunteers to play too. For some reason this completely stuns Uncle Adam. C'mon Adam, you all told the kid to cut down on the masturbation. He has to fill the hours somehow! After Adam's barking orders doesn't work, Drew ends up giving Max some helpful pointers and Adam, again, looks surprised. Then Haddie and Steven show up and Adam's world turns purple as his vision zooms in on the hand holding happening in front of him. I mean, oh my god, HANDS!
The Bravermans sit down to supper together and Julia congratulates Amber on the A ++ she earned from her mother's boyfriend. Julia then reminds us that nothing travels faster than word of a Braverman's accomplishments. Hmm, I think that's called bragging. Or maybe, annoying? Both? Note to self: Don't go to Braverman family supper. Steve's continued existence really irks Adam and he glowers at him every time he opens his mouth, but especially when he asks "Camille", a.k.a. the Matriarch, if he detects a hint of nutmeg in his crisp. Which would probably get him an ass whupping in any family. I mean, does he not have brothers? He's out Eddie Haskell-ing Eddie Haskell with that. Everyone sort of snorts, except Haddie who thinks everything he says is keen and she can't wait to earn her black bracelet from him. Camille thinks he's a keeper too, because if he hadn't mentioned her first name, no one would have ever known it. After the kids retire to their make out /masturbation/video game sessions, the grown ups all clean up. Everyone is teasing Adam about being so uptight, but he really doesn't think it's funny. Then they all start teasing each other about high school crushes and making out on playground equipment, which is making Kristina uncomfortable because, I don't know, she's worried Adam will leave her for some girl he made out with on a merry go round? Joel is hiding in the corner, because he doesn't want to get judged or yelled at, and when the teasing quiets down he reads some of Amber's paper, because it is really good and that is what grown ups do. Yep, nary a party goes by where between sips of Merlot and bites of Camembert some adult doesn't start reading her niece's English paper to the gathered crowd. Sarah stops what she is doing, because how could she not harken to the brilliant words of her daughter? Also, the words are familiar. Amber copied Sarah's high school paper. Everyone thinks it's funny except Sarah and Julia who makes her judgmental face, knowing that Sydney would NEVER even consider such a thing. Shut up, Julia's face! Then Sarah calls Amber a bitch, which probably isn't going to win her any points in the Mother of the Year competition the Bravermans put on each August. Sarah charges upstairs, wakes up Amber and yells at her. Amber apologizes, but the book was really hard! Sarah insists that she go and confess her crimes to her hot teacher.
Sarah decides that a parent-teacher conference is in order. She tells Mr. Cyr that she wants to talk about Amber's paper, which is great, because he does too! He truly believes it was one of the most insightful papers he has ever read. Sarah perks up now that she knows he is talking about her. Gah, is she so starved for compliments that she has to take them like this? Yes, apparently she does. She pushes Mr. Cyr for more compliments, which he serves up with a side of flirting. The cherry on top is when he suggests he write Amber a college recommendation. Obviously Sarah can't rat out her daughter now! So instead of turning her in, she decides to mortify her by flirting with her teacher. That'll teach her to cheat! Sarah tells him where she is bartending, flips her hair, and wanders off to work. By the by, it took me a while, but Mr. Cyr used to be on Joan of Arcadia. You're welcome.
Julia is getting ready for work when Sydney comes to put on make up with her mommy. Obviously mother-daughter bonding time is the perfect moment to broach the subject of Correct Playtime Behavior. Sydney will be a princess if Julia has to stage the coup herself! Then Julia brainwashes her so that whenever codeword "Tiara" is mentioned, Sydney will revolt and usurp the crown. By force, if necessary.
Max is happily reading about stink bugs, but Adam wants him to stop reading and play baseball, because he is a Braverman and has a reputation. Max still says no, but when Drew calls and suggests playing ball, Max is suddenly on board. They all head to the field where Max disappoints Adam over and over again, but Drew is nicely filling the baseball-loving son void.
Katie stops by Crosby's boat TO FREAK HIM OUT. She notes that he didn't come in to work today, even though he didn't have to, and she thinks it is because he is panicking after the doctor's visit. He smiles bleakly, because, yeah. She then leans over him and swears that she will uphold the deal they made where she promised to wait three years to have a kid. But, really, she sees no reason not to completely reverse course, go back on their deal, and start pressuring him to have a kid RIGHT NOW. I guess that's a pick up line. Crosby looks like he's going to die.
1 2 3 4
Amber is waiting on the porch for her mom to tell her the verdict of her meeting with Mr. Cyr. Sarah claims that she didn't tell him the truth because she believes in Amber. Also, that she is seeking her revenge in other more subtle, but far more embarrassing ways. Also also, she wants Amber to write a paper on The Sound and the Fury just so she can read it aloud at the adult gathering. Adam pulls up to drop Drew off and Sarah is pleased that Adam has stepped into the Father Figure role, but not in the creepy George Michael way. Don't get me wrong, I love the song, but would you want him singing it about YOUR kid? Please say no. Adam then gives Drew his glove and Drew looks touched and then Sarah looks touched. So touching.
Crosby decides to bite the maturity bullet and goes to ask Jabbar's mom for a paternity test. She is irked by this request, which actually seems like a pretty standard course of action to me. But I've never unwittingly knocked anyone up. She is also unimpressed with his foisting of the blame onto his sister. She hasn't asked him for money or a kidney or anything. She just wanted her son to know his irresponsible and feckless father. No questions asked. She shuts the door in his face.
Kristina is re-stocking the toilet paper supplies in the master bathroom when she hears something. She open's Haddie's door and finds Haddie iChatting with Steve and she has wandered right into the iSight camera in her bathrobe and with toilet paper rolls. Awkward! She barks at Haddie to get off the computer because it is after 10:30. Haddie hangs up with Suck Up Steve, who, of course, is all too willing to comply with a parent's request. She then starts haranguing her mother and suggests she take a parenting lesson from Steve's parents and give her some privacy. No way! Privacy leads to pregnancy leads to not going to Harvard. EVERY TIME.
Julia wants to know if Crosby got the goods on Jabbar. When Crosby yells at her for ruining his relationship with Jasmine and Jabbar because he demanded a paternity test, she thinks it is suspicious that Jasmine balked. She tells Crosby to just find some random DNA sample from Jabbar that he just has lying around the house because damn kids never clean up after themselves and she will contact "her guy". She has "a guy"? How many times has she been knocked up? And she just admits that so breezily. Excellent self-esteem, Julia Braverman. Crosby picks up Jabbar's toothbrush and eyes it warily.
Speaking of self esteem, Sarah Braverman has very little. She sits to her brother Adam at a diner counter and bribes him with breakfast so he will keep hanging out with HIS NEPHEW. She thanks him over and over again and Adam finally stops her and is like, no really, he's a great kid and Sarah looks like she is going to drown in her own tears of joy that her son is not a complete fuck up. And the fact that he might be okay at sports is just an awesome silver lining. Faced with the overwhelming AWKWARD, Adam changes the subject to his teenage daughter's constant groping at the hands of Suck Up Steve. He just can't HANDle it. Heh. Sorry. Sarah helpfully theorizes that the more they grope in public the less they grope in private, which is nice. Adam looks horrified at the thought of what his daughter might do in private, so Sarah changes the subject to spare him the mental imagery. She asks about Crosby and with about twelve seconds of questioning finds out that Crosby has a kid named Jabbar and he is not telling anyone, not even his fiancée. Oh, but he did tell Adam. At the realization that two of her siblings know something that she doesn't, Sarah runs home, watches the episode of The Gilmore Girls where Luke finally tells Lorelei that he has a twelve-year old daughter, watches her reaction, runs back to the diner and then re-enacts the exact same scene for Adam. Line by line, methinks! Adam shrugs because he was just trying to honor Crosby's wishes, not get yelled at in a diner.
Julia and Sydney hit the playground, proving once again that Julia's priorities are COMPLETELY SCREWED UP. How is she going to make partner at this rate? She'll never get her billables up if she keeps, like, parenting. Sydney's domineering playdate, Harmony, is also at the playground and Julia recognizes that this is a Teaching Moment. So she starts screaming at Sydney, "Tiara!" like she is a drag queen with Tourette's. Sydney takes a deep breath and hesitates before asking Harmony if she can be the princess for once. Harmony says no, but Sydney perseveres and Harmony relents until she declares that the maid was just a princess undercover, grabs the crown, and stages a coup. The dethroning has upset Sydney who runs to her Bad Mommy for a hug. Harmony's mom helpfully notes that you can't make children what they are not. Strangely Julia doesn't sue her for slander right then and there.
Adam finds Suck Up Steve and Haddie snuggling on the couch and immediately does his best to disrupt the arm-on-the-shoulder action before Haddie gets pregnant and has to raise his own grandchild. Haddie glares daggers at him, but he will not rest until Steve is at least ten inches from her. Finally he grabs his bat and balls and tries to get Max out to the ball field with Drew, but Max doesn't want to go. Adam promised him yogurt and HE WANTS YOGURT. He screams about yogurt for a while, but Adam decides to sweat this small stuff and holds his ground: BASEBALL. I have absolutely no idea why the two are mutually exclusive. Can't they just get yogurt and take it to the ballpark?? And do kids really prefer fro yo to ice cream? Anyway, Suck Up Steve attempts to help out by offering to take Max for yogurt, which infuriates Adam (suck up FAIL), but further endears him to Haddie. Adam angrily throws down his baseball gear and gets Max in the car. Drew is already at the field when Adam calls him to tell him that he can't make it today. Drew looks disappointed, but like he is used to disappointment, which is worse. So...why can't they just pick up the yogurt and take it to the park? Or pick up Drew and take him for yogurt? Whatever.
Sarah has apparently decided to spend all day in the diner. Now she is meeting Crosby there to express her disappointment in him for not sharing the existence of his child over pancakes. She gets right to the point and Crosby immediately crumbles under fake pressure. But then he thinks it was JULIA who told her and Sarah realizes that ALL HER SIBLINGS KNEW and her self esteem crumbles to dust and flies away like ashes in the wind. Crosby sort of apologizes for not telling her because, yeah, obviously he was going to tell her, but, you know, didn't. For some reason this appeases her and they are insta-friends. She asks him about Jabbar, which is nice, and he explains that he is a really sweet kid, a sweet smile, and curly hair. Sarah asks if he has told Katie, his devoted fiancée, about the surprise child. To his credit, Crosby looks slightly uncomfortable when confessing that he hasn't. Sarah tells him that in her experience as Lorelei Gilmore that he really needs to tell Katie now and just deal with the consequences.
Adam and Max have returned from the tantrum-inducing yogurt trip just in time to hear Haddie and Steve get in a big old fight over the merits of Love Actually!! Obviously this is a very exciting moment for Adam, but Haddie is in tears because Steve didn't understand the subtle complexity of an adult romance and wanted to MST3K the whole thing INCLUDING THE KIERA KNIGHTLEY SCENES WHICH ARE PURE POETRY. Better question, why is Haddie making her boyfriend watch a chick flick? They are called CHICK flicks for a reason! And, frankly, Adam should have been more concerned about their viewing material, because in my experience the only time a guy is willing to watch a romance movie is when he is expecting to get something something at the end of it. Just sayin'. Anyway, Haddie sends Steve home to meditate on his sins and play World of Warcraft for a while. She runs upstairs to cry while Adam gloats and Kristina goes upstairs to explain that in the future, maybe Haddie should stick to comedies and/or action films for movie night.
Julia has put herself in time out for her bossy behavior and is sitting on the back porch scraping the sand off her shoes. Her husband comes to find out how the power struggle went and Julia whines that it was awful and she made her daughter cry and she is such a control freak. Joel does not disagree and Julia instructs him to disagree, but he points out that telling him what to say does not make her less of a control freak. She concedes the point. And then she whines some more about being unspontaneous and a rule follower and no fun at all. Her dutiful house husband tries to come up with some examples of her being fun, but fails miserably. She goes inside to sulk.
Sarah comes home from a tough day at the diner to find her teenage daughter squawking about reading Faulkner and a teenage son engrossed in videogames, which in the eyes of most parents is only marginally better than his other favorite activity. She is surprised to see him, though, because he was supposed to be playing ball with Uncle Adam. He mutters something about Adam cancelling because he had to take Max out for ice cream. Sarah is appalled and indignant that Adam would abandon her son like that. How dare he? Oh whatever, lady, you could have been with your kid, but decided to spend all day at a diner. Pot, kettle, shut up.
Katie has decided to hold a little going-off-birth-control-pills ritual before... er, going off birth control pills. No really she is. She stands on the dock, holding up her birth control pill pack, closes her eyes, and shakes off all the birth control mojo that has been preventing her from getting pregnant. As she prepares to chuck the pills into the bay and sterilize all the fish, Crosby stops her, because: YES, THIS BEHAVIOR WOULD GIVE ME PAUSE, TOO. I mean, really? Also, h
1 2 3 4
ow un-eco-friendly (and thus un-Berkeley) of her, throwing plastic-wrapped pharmaceuticals into a fish habitat. Also, how the heck did she get Crosby to agree to witness this Wicca-light, Oprah-heavy positive visualization exercise? Is she just living her best life? Anyway, Crosby stops her and FINALLY tells her that he had a fling five-and-a-half years ago and now he has a kid named Jabbar and he's known for over a month and didn't tell her. Obviously Katie is shocked, almost as shocked as when Sarah Walker broke up her attempted marriage to Luc in Brothers & Sisters and almost as shocked as when Luke told Lorelei that he had a 12-year old daughter named April that he knew about for two months. Katie quickly puts the pieces together and realizes that Jabbar is the kid Crosby brought to the studio a few weeks ago. The kid he denied, much like Saint Peter denied Jesus. She starts tearing up at the realization that Crosby is an immature dick who doesn't want the same things out of life. Then he reminds her that she was being a bit "psycho" about this whole baby thing and him not telling her was HER FAULT. PRO TIP (FOR THE GUYS): Girls LOVE it when you call them psycho. Katie gets it. She's not pushing Crosby anymore. She storms off to reunite with her true love: the sperm canister. Or to steal Luc from Sarah.
Sarah goes to yell at Adam about standing up her son at the ball field. She doesn't understand how Adam could do that to a kid! Drew has had nothing but disappointment and hardship and daddy issues. Adam counters with the fact that his kid has autism spectrum disorder and you can't just change plans on him. Hmm...détente. Sarah rejoinders with a sad tale of woe inspired by a father who just wasn't there and left her son for entire weekends and abandoned at soccer practice. Adam parries by reminding her that all he ever wanted was to go to the park and play ball with the boys, but his kid is not normal and he had to go eat frozen yogurt instead. Sarah sighs that it almost seemed like Drew had a dad for the last few days. You know, Sarah, in the amount of time it took for you to come over here and yell at Adam, you could have played a few rounds of catch yourself. And, yes, you have no testicles that I am aware of, but being a good parent requires time and being there, NOT SPENDING ALL DAY AT A DINER AND FOISTING YOUR PARENTING ONTO YOUR BROTHER. That said, Adam COULD have brought Drew for frozen yogurt. You know what we need right now? Coach Braverman and some yelly aphorisms about family. Where is the patriarch this episode? The fact that they don't mention his absence only makes it weirder. Adam ends the war by mentioning that Drew is pretty good at ball and Sarah smiles. Sports uber allis!
Julia is hard at work on a weeknight finally wracking up the billable hours she needs to keep her job in this economic climate. Joel surprises her at work and explains that her mom is watching Sydney and she is coming with him. She points out that she has a brief due tomorrow morning, but he swears it's all taken care of. How could he have taken care of it? He petitioned the court for an extension on her behalf? He bribed a summer associate to write it for her? He threatened a paralegal? Whatever. He takes her for a little night swimming, but when they get there she pouts and says that the pool is closed. He smiles wickedly at her, because that's the point: He has planned her spontaneous act! Some light breaking and entering with a side of trespass will surely shake her blues away! She balks, but he boosts her over the fence. Ah, modern romance.
Speaking of romance, Sarah is hard at work slinging drinks at a very grown up looking bar. Actually it looks like a sad old man hotel bar that you would only drink at out of the sheer desperation that comes with being in a hotel bar in, say, Cleveland or Tacoma. She looks up from a pour to see Mr. Cyr wander into her watering hole. He came alone meaning that he can't even pretend that it was just a chance encounter or a random plan. So he settles almost shyly at the bar, fully aware that he is entering the world of Parental Flirting. He orders a beer and Sarah cards him. She discovers that he was born in 1983 and manages not to gasp audibly at her own indecency. She asks if Amber drove him to drink and he laughs and explains that Amber told him about the paper and gave him a new one. Granted it wasn't nearly as insightful or creative as the one Sarah wrote. Oh god, if anyone ever read my high school English papers and used them as fodder to flirt with me? JUST KILL ME BECAUSE I WOULD ALREADY BE DEAD FROM HUMILIATION. Sarah, poor desperate to be loved and approved of Sarah, however, thinks it is HOT. So she settles down to flirt properly. With her daughter's teacher. Again. But, Mr. Cyr? Just to be clear, he's no Max Medina.
Crosby has Jabbar's toothbrush in a plastic baggie. But he's not going to take it to Julia's on-call DNA guy. No, he's taking it to Jasmine to prove that he doesn't need proof. At that, Jasmine relents and suddenly "gets it" that maybe Crosby would like some evidence that this five-year old kid is actually his. Magic! She says Crosby should go ahead and get it tested, only now Crosby doesn't want to. The end.
Julia is listing all of the possible charges that could be brought up on her if she got busted trespassing. She could be disbarred! She could go to jail! Who would watch the baby! She is really a lot of fun to be with. Joel is very understanding (or deaf) and just smiles blithely and shoves her in the pool.
Kristina is making chocolate chip pancakes to cheer Haddie up after her bitter fight with Steve. But, when Haddie walks into the room, she is all giggles and sunshine and little birds are tweeting around her head. Steve admitted that he secretly loved Love, Actually but couldn't admit it in public because of his street cred. But once he got home and he could text her all his deep emotional connections to the film, all was good again. Adam makes a sad face out of syrup on his pancake.
It's time for another baseball game and when a pop up fly comes Max's way, he catches it. Braverman FTW! Everyone cheers, but not Drew, because he is not there. He is at home, alone, sulking. Not even jerking off. Adam pulls up in his car and hollers at him, but Drew rightly ignores him, because who needs all that disappointment and sadness, right? But Adam hollers again and Drew tosses aside the videogame, clicks his heels together in joy, and jumps in the car. Adam, Max, and Drew play ball in the middle of the night. Because that is what Bravermans do.
Lulu Bates a.k.a. Melissa Locker would rather be watching Gilmore Girls. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.
1 2 3 4