The episode opens in Judy's bedroom, where she's painting her toenails as a thunderstorm rages outside. A very familiar song plays in the background, but neither I nor Mr. Josh could name that tune. Sorry. Judy's startled when the phone rings. Like everyone else on television, she's got her machine programmed to pick up after, like, the second ring. Judy's chipper outgoing message is answered with a chilling silence. The caller exhales. The machine clicks off, and the camera focuses on Judy, who looks understandably disturbed. She jumps a little as thunder crashes, and glances down at her calf, where she's smeared red nail polish from her toe. It looks like a tiny, bloody nick.
We fade over to Lily's rain-streaked bedroom window, and the camera pans across her clock, which reads 11:43, to Lily's bed, where she's wide awake. She rolls over to find herself face-to-face with a wide-awake Rick. After establishing that neither of them can sleep, Rick suggestively growls, "What do you wanna do?"
Cut to the two of them raiding the kitchen. Wah wah. The Plucky Guitars accompany them to drive home the fact that it's funny they're eating instead of having crazy sex, like we expected they would. Except that we didn't expect that they would. Anyway, as Rick pulls a pint of Ben & Jerry's out of the freezer, he exclaims and looks up, asking, "What is that?" He flips on the light and they discover that Lily's got a leak in the ceiling above the fridge. Rick hops up on a ladder, which is conveniently propped to him, to get a closer look at the water streaming in. Then he decides to poke at it, which even I know is a bad idea. The water pours down even harder. Lily grabs a pot to catch the water and complains that she doesn't have the money to fix it. Rick helpfully points out that they "don't have to solve it tonight." Lily grumbles that she'll never be able to sleep now, "between work...this..." The mention of work piques Rick's interest. He asks, "Is that -- is that jerk bothering you again?" Lily says that Graham's "been avoiding [her], thank god." She adds that she just feels very under-appreciated. She gripes, "I come up with this great idea about creating online families --" "Which you stole from your sister," Rick interjects. "Which I stole from my sister," Lily concedes. She complains that she practically had to beg Crusty to try it, and now the idea is a big success, and Crusty's taking all the credit. Oh, silly, naïve Lily. Welcome to the working world. My last boss has staked her very lucrative career on exactly that practice. But I'm not bitter. Much. Anymore. Lily passes Rick a couple of bottles of what appears to be Magic Shell. I convulse. I had this huge addiction to Magic Shell a few years ago, until I actually read the label and realized it is made almost entirely of oil products. My addiction ended shortly thereafter. Anyway, Rick says that Crusty still knows whose idea it is. Because that counts for a fat lot of nothing. He tries to shove a spoon into the ice cream, which produces a sound like someone pounding one heavy block of wood against another. Lily continues bitching about Crusty's ungrateful attitude, while Rick slams away at the very solid, very wooden ice cream. Dude, I think the Foley Artist went a little overboard on this one. If ice cream were hard enough to make that sound, you'd need a jackhammer to chisel through it. Rick hammers at it a few more times, mutters, "It's a good thing the Titanic didn't run into this thing," and gives up the battle. Lily takes over, still whining about work and how Graham is going after the wrong kind of corporate sponsorship, before she beats the ice cream in frustration. Rick takes back the spoon and manages to carve out a small chunk, which he generously pops into his own mouth. He deserves to get brain freeze for that. Lily announces that, from now on, she's just going to "cash her paycheck and go home." She's through being Crusty's "flunky."
Cut to the PagesAlive.com office. Lily, the new marketing expert, is telling Crusty that she thinks Graham's approach is all wrong -- they should not be going for large, corporate sponsorship. It's all wrong for their "demographic." Lily says "most of [their] hits are from young, single people who collect piercings and inflatable furniture." How did that escape Graham's attention? She says they should be going after "entertainment tie-ins" and "mass merchandising." Graham overhears Lily's argument and steps closer. Crusty indicates his presence with her eyes, and Lily trails off. He questions what Lily was saying, and Crusty jumps in, trying to cover Lily's ass by saying Lily was just responding to something she had said. Graham says what he heard sounded good, and asks Lily to finish her thought. Lily takes a sip of coffee, looks uncomfortable, and is saved by the bell -- Crusty's telephone. Relieved, she excuses herself to dash off to grab it. Crusty smirks after her. She's up to something.
"You can't be serious," Lily gripes, in Crusty's office. Crusty, distracted, examines a transparency of some guy's picture. Crusty clarifies that "it's" not coming from Graham, who is being "so careful around [Lily] that he'd never suggest the two of [them] work together." Lily says that's good, because "the answer is no!" She plops defiantly onto Crusty's couch. Crusty somehow manages to stay calm, and points out that the hottest trend in the internet these days is bankruptcy. She says she's willing to hire a temp for a week to free Lily to work on her idea with Graham. Lily doesn't respond, though, because she's distracted by what she sees happening in the outer office: Graham placing his hand on the back of a young female employee. Lily finally slides her eyes back to Crusty, who mistakes her silence for a negotiating tactic. Crusty laughs and says, "Okay, three weeks." Lily still doesn't say anything but continues staring at the outer-office flirtation. Crusty 's getting impatient, pointing out that she's offering Lily a chance to prove herself, and snaps that she thought that's what Lily's always wanted. Lily tears her eyes away from Graham, takes a deep breath, forces a smile, and gives a tiny, half-hearted nod.
Cut to Rick entering through the back door of Manning Manor. He calls out for Lily as he moves through the house, and bumps into Will Gluck -- Will Gluck! -- coming down the stairs. Rick almost drops backward with a coronary. Will moves to the bench in the foyer, pulling off his coat, and tells Rick that Lily's upstairs. Will adds that he can come earlier tomorrow; he'll just let himself in with the key Lily leaves under the mat. "She's still doing that?" Rick asks incredulously. "I told her not to!" Will agrees that it's the first place people look, and mentions that there's some ice damage in the attic, which is where the leak is coming from. Rick looks up toward the ceiling and says he's never seen the attic, as if it's something he can't quite believe.
Cut to Judy retrieving Zoe and Grace from the restaurant. Zoe can't take her eyes off something over Judy's shoulder, and Judy turns to find Jake leaning on the bar, flirting with the bartender who's grabbing him by the tie. "That's Jennica, by the way," Grace says in a contemptuously bubble-headed voice. Zoe explains, unimpressed, that "it's a combination of Jennifer and Jessica." She then declares that "a person's name should be either Jessica or Jennifer, not both." My spellcheck agrees. Jake spots them and sidles over. He scoops up Zoe for a hug, while Grace turns to tell Judy, disgusted, that they'll wait outside. She shoots Jake a derisive glance and icily offers her cheek when he goes to kiss her goodbye. "Bye!" Jennica chirps eagerly over the bar. She totally belongs on one of those stupid Herbal Essences commercials. Zoe and Grace smile insincerely and say a syrupy goodbye. Judy, meanwhile, looks like she's about to lay into Jake, but she doesn't have a chance because someone over her shoulder exclaims, "Judy?"
Oh, god, no. It's Paul, that smiley psycho dweeb Judy went out with briefly, before he went looney tunes on her on the sidewalk. Jake rushes over to shake his hand, explaining to Judy that Paul is one of his best customers, and one of the few who didn't abandon him after the busboy fiasco. Paul grins and apologizes for "the last time," and Judy stammers through a phony smile that it's okay. Then he asks whether she's had dinner yet, but it's a good bet that Judy won't have an appetite for a while. She mumbles that her nieces are waiting for her and, when Jennica calls to Jake for something, she uses the distraction to slip toward the door. Jake jokes that Paul has his choice of tables, and Paul grins like the ass he is. He calls out to Judy's retreating back that it was good to see her. "You too," she lies, breaking for the door. She doesn't actually go through it, though, but returns to spy on Paul with an uncertain look.
Cut to Judy scooting into the kitchen, where she glances over her shoulder and whispers to Jake that she stopped seeing "that guy." Grace pops through the door, answering my own question about how impatient they must be getting in the car, and snipes, "Can we go? Or is [again with the cheerleader voice] Jennica driving us home?" Jake is not amused and says that Judy will be right out. Once they're alone again, Judy nervously asks whether Paul ever asks about her, and Jake says that he mentions her once in a while. Judy says that Paul "went completely ballistic" when she broke up with him. Jake is stunned and glances through the window to the restaurant. He then proceeds to scare the pants off Judy, saying you can never be sure what people can do -- he never expected "that kid to pull a gun on [him] and then shoot himself." Jake muses that "you never know who people are," while Judy's eyes threaten to drop right out of her head as she imagines the possibilities.
Cut to Lily's place as Judy and the girls come through the front door. Lily asks how dinner was, and Zoe answers her with a snide, "We met Jennica." They keep saying the girl's name like she's a social disease. Lily repeats the name in surprise, and Judy explains the origin of the name. Zoe asks whether Will Gluck is there, and Judy looks taken aback. Lily confirms that he is and whispers an apology to Judy. Judy plays it off like it doesn't bother her at all, while Zoe brags that she recognized his truck. Then the little heartbreaker-in-training announces that she has to change. "Into what?" Grace teases, "a person who needs a bra?" Zoe tells her to shut up, and they disappear upstairs. Lily shows Judy a box, and says she found a bunch of stuff in the attic. She pulls out an egg coddler, an old wedding gift, and Judy seizes the opportunity to sing her sad, sad spinster song. She claims it's unfair that Lily's getting married again, and that she'll haul in even more presents, while Judy's "all alone on [her] island, trying to make fire." Lily tries to fill the gaping hole in Judy's life with the egg coddler. Which would have been a nicer gesture, had she not just finished telling Judy how useless the thing is.
Will Gluck trucks down the stairs and interrupts them. Zoe's hot on his heels. Judy stands up while her jaw hangs down, and silently follows Will Gluck with her eyes. She turns to continue staring when he moves behind her to get his coat. He says goodbye to Zoe -- a woman who truly appreciates him -- and Lily calls out a "goodnight" as he's going out the door. He says goodnight without raising his eyes while closing the door behind himself. Judy just keeps standing and staring. At least she managed to pull her jaw back up. She raises a finger and threatens Lily over her shoulder: "Whatever you're thinking -- don't." Lily feigns innocence and then asks who Jennica is. "Who do ya think?" Judy mutters disgustedly and then answers herself, "Jake's new port in the storm." She heads for the kitchen and turns to see Lily's reaction, saying, "Oh, you can't really be shocked." She says that every time he comes into he bookstore, he has to check out the wall of singles. And "he's always treated Tiffany like some rabbit he pulled out of a hat that he can't get to disappear." Judy forgets to mention that whole little matter of him cheating on Lily back in the day. Lily seems to have forgotten too, saying, "She's carrying his baby! How does she bear it?" Now Judy points out that Lily took it, and says that was worse, because Lily "was his actual wife." Lily lets this sink in for a minute, then casts her eyes to the floor.
Cut to Rick in his t-shirt and boxers, sitting on the edge of the tub rubbing some kind of ointment into his feet. Ew. Lily complains to him from the shower about how awkward it was having Will Gluck and Judy run into each other. She says that Will wouldn't even look at Judy. "God, talk about ice damage!" Lily says, emerging from the shower wrapped in a towel. "Why, does she owe him money?" Rick asks. Oh, be still my heart. Lily flicks him with a nearby towel and then gives him a look. He gives her one back. Somehow, he deduces that Judy and Will knocked some boots. Lily says that it was very brief and adds, "It happened right in there," gesturing toward the bedroom. How does she know how long it took? "Why wasn't I told?" Rick demands. I'm not sure he's entirely kidding. And I'm not sure it's any of his business in the first place. He muses that he can't picture them together: "Will Gluck's such a nice, normal guy, and Judy's so..." Lily turns from the sink and shoots him a teasing stink-eye. "...So very nice also," Rick bullshits, weakly. Watch what you say about my girl, there, pal. You've been losing points lately for a lot of your so-called jokes. Pretty soon, it'll be you in my crosshairs instead of Lily.
Cut to the two of them in bed, where Rick's reading the paper and Lily's brushing her hair. Rick folds down the paper and announces, "You have to call Jake." "About Jennica?" Lily asks. About the ice damage. Rick says that Lily shouldn't have to pay for the whole thing, and that Jake is supposed to pay for half, isn't he? Lily says that, technically, he is, but she knows he's having problems. Wow, that's very decent of her. I'm impressed. No, really. "We all have problems," Rick assholes, not giving Jake an inch. Because the guy's only been through a hostage-taking in which his busboy shot himself, and the aftermath has sent his restaurant swirling around the toilet bowl. Rick then says that Lily has to stand up to Jake, that she can't "just let him walk all over [her]." Which, in Jake's defense, we haven't seen any evidence of lately. Jeebus, Rick, cut the poor bastard some slack. And here's an idea: since you're moving into this house, why don't you offer to pay for some of the repairs -- or, if that makes you uncomfortable, at least offer to lend Lily the money for now? God, is he still talking? Apparently, Rick has one more order for Lily: stop leaving the key under the mat. Okay, I'll give him that one. It is a dangerous thing to do. But it's still bugging me how he's telling Lily to do these things. Like she's six years old and there's no room for her to have an opinion.
Lily changes the subject by blurting out that she's going to be working with Graham to try to get PagesAlive.com a sponsor. Rick asks if she really thinks that's a good idea. Clearly, he doesn't. Lily says you can't hold things against people for the rest of their lives. "You can't?" he asks. Lily shoots him a look. He asks why she never told him about the attic: "It's a great space." He mutters that it would make "a great studio or something." Or extra bedroom for your kid...just saying. Lily continues her own conversation, saying that it's a really good opportunity. When he doesn't say anything, she prods, "Ri-ick?" He says, "I just think it's dangerous -- leaving keys where people can find them." She smiles indulgently, kisses his cheek, and then snuggles down against his shoulder.
Judy, meanwhile, is living la vida loca. She's sprawled out on her floral-print couch (which strikes my as a very non-Judy piece of furniture) reading. The phone rings. She actually manages to grab it before her lightning-fast machine picks up. She's met with silence. Exhalation. Silence. She repeats, "Hello?" a couple of times, panic seeping into her voice. Hang up! Never let them know they're getting to you. It's like Rule #21 in the Single Girl Living Alone handbook. Judy obviously hasn't read it, though, because she keeps saying "Hello?" and asking who it is and why they're doing this. She finally clicks the phone off and slams it back into the cradle. She covers her mouth to hold in the fear. Here's an idea: dial Star-69. Do they have that in the States? Or better yet, get caller ID. I can't believe a veteran single chick is without it. We fade to commercials.
After the break, we return to the PagesAlive.com office. Lily's showing the temp how to work the phone system. It must be Skanky Friday or something. The chick is wearing a low-cut tank top and showing more cleavage than Elizabeth Hurley. ["And she's played by Devon Odessa, Sharon Cherski from My So-Called Life." -- Wing Chun] Graham's fresh-young-meat alarm goes off, and he sniffs the air, just to be sure. Then he follows his nose to Lily's desk, where he introduces himself to the temp; her name is Noel. Lily just ignores Graham, finishes her phone lesson, and says, "It's going to be a little dicey this first week, because we'll be sharing a desk." Graham says that Lily can put some stuff in his office if she wants. She looks at him like he just suggested a threesome with the new girl -- which in all fairness, he probably is thinking about -- and declines. She makes a point of not looking at him and asks Boobies whether she thinks she's got everything. "Hopefully," Boobies giggles. Graham expresses his confidence in Boobies's abilities, and can't seem to tear his eyes off them. Boobies drops a folder and squats to pick it up. Graham's right down there with her, saying that "it's good luck to drop something the first day." Lily rolls her eyes and tears a paper in half. She shoots Graham the stink-eye, and he asks, "What?" She looks down and says, in this tight-assed voice, "Nothing." Graham suggests that they get started, and Lily snaps that she has to make a phone call first. Graham brightly suggests that she use his office. She glares at him, looks away, then grudgingly heads toward his office exuding negativity from every pore. Boobies watches her and looks anxious.
Cut to Jake at the restaurant, fielding the call from Lily. She tells him that the repair can't wait, and he asks, "How much?" Lily describes the extent of the damage and Jake cuts to the point: "How much is it going to cost?" Lily says that Will hasn't given her an estimate yet, and something on the desk catches her eye. It's a letter to Graham from a children's AIDS foundation, thanking him for his generosity. Lily picks it up, like it's any of her damn business, and says that Judy has used Will Gluck before, and that he's very reasonable. She says, "But you'll split it with me, right?" Wearily, Jake says that he will, and throws another fifty pounds of weight onto his shoulders. Lily changes the subject to Jennica just as the sleek-haired devil slinks through the kitchen and tosses Jake a seductive look. She's got the urge all right, and I don't mean to herbal. Jake tries to be evasive, but Lily keeps grilling him until he finally relents and admits there is, in fact, someone named Jennica whom the girls met the other night. He argues that at least he's spending time with the girls -- isn't that more important than.... Lily cuts him off with an abrupt "forget it," as she snaps up a picture from Graham's desk. Jake argues that the girls can handle it: "They're pretty damn mature." "Well, let's not make them any more mature," Lily retorts. She glances at the picture, which is of Graham and his retriever, and smiles. Jake laughs that she's "a fine one to talk," and assures Lily that the girls introduced themselves. He asks, "What else?" Lily is somewhere between disgust and exasperation, and snaps, "That's it," before hanging up on him. Graham enters the office and smiles at her cautiously.
Cut to Judy and Karen, sharing a table at Phil's. Judy asks if Karen is okay eating there, and Karen assures her that it's fine. Judy expresses sympathy for Jake, and the bad breaks he's caught lately. She glances at the man himself, flirting in the distance with Jennica. Karen turns to follow Judy's gaze and dryly comments, "Looks like he's found a way to numb his pain." "Oh, yeah," Judy snides. She then blurts, "So...they're getting married." Karen's bread appears to get stuck in her throat for a second, but she forces out, "Indeed." Judy looks at her searchingly, then lowers her eyes to the menu. After a second, she sets the menu aside, and leans conspiratorially across the table to tell Karen about Paul, but Karen thinks she's talking about Will. Judy clarifies, saying, "That's yet another person I've slept with." At least she acknowledges that she's easy. She owns those notches on her bedpost, which, to hear her and Lily talk, should be whittled down to a toothpick by now. Judy gets back to the point of her story: "I have reason to believe [Paul] might be stalking me." She tells Karen about the phone calls, but admits that she's not sure Paul is obsessed with her. She bitterly jokes, "That's so me. I can't even get a competent stalker. I mean, when a guy's obsessed with Lily he professes undying love -- calls her an eclipse!" I've said it before, but Judy, book an appointment with Dr. Wise-Ass. Now. Today. Karen's right there -- ask her for his number. Because it's just not healthy when you're jealous that your sister's sexual harassment is somehow more romantic than your own. Okay? Anyway, Karen snags on the eclipse thing, too, repeating it bitterly, and no doubt fantasizing about sending Lily to the far side of the sun, for real. Judy realizes how callous she's being, and relents, "It was awful, actually. Someone at work." Karen asks what happened, but doesn't sound like she's ready to bleed from her heart in sympathy. Judy actually shows some restraint and tries to salvage some of Lily's privacy, saying simply, "She stood up to him and he backed down. End of story."
Cut to Lily scribbling notes in Graham's office. She glances warily to where he's stretched out on the couch, reading more notes. She glances from him to the outer office, where Boobies the Temp is busy being an airhead again. Graham catches Lily when she looks back to him. "This is good," he says, tapping the notepad. I guess those are some of Lily's notes. She gives him the stink-eye and bitterly sucks the straw of her take-out beverage. Unfazed, Graham turns his attention back to the notes. After a second or two, he looks up to the outer office, and catches Boobies's eye. She arches her back a little and smiles at him. I'm so embarrassed for her. The exchange doesn't escape Lily's attention, and when Graham reiterates, "Really, really strong. I mean it," and taps the notepad again, she just glares at him. She sets down her drink and says, all business, "Good."
Jake, meanwhile, is chatting with Judy near the bar as she signs her credit card stub for lunch. He wants the scoop on her companion, glancing over at Karen, who's shaking out her hair and pulling on her scarf. "Don't go there," Judy warns. Then, apropos of nothing, she asks, "Could you use an egg coddler?" Even stranger than the question is the fact that Judy has the thing with her, and it's resting on the bar. She hands the box to Jake, saying Lily's cleaning out the attic. "Lily? Cleaning?" he repeats in disbelief. "Yeah, you know, they're having it...redone," Judy mutters distractedly, watching Karen. Jake's head swivels around so fast I'm amazed there isn't spinal damage. "Are they?" he asks. Judy spills, apparently without even thinking about it, that the attic is going to be Rick's work space or something. A light dawns in Jake's eyes as he digests this. "I see," he finally says, no doubt referring to the mental image of himself, flopped face-down over a barrel, with Lily giving it to him and Rick cheering her on. He stares, transfixed, as Judy again asks if he wants the coddler. Karen comes into the screen, making it apparent that he was staring at her. He introduces himself, oozing charm. Their eyes lock as they smile at one another, and Judy plays the role of lifeguard, ushering Karen out and telling them to "say goodbye now." Karen smiles a goodbye at him, and he smiles one back, watching her go. Jenni-who?
Will Gluck is busy sanding the hole he cut in the ceiling above Lily's fridge. Judy pops through the back door and then stops, surprised to see him. She smiles up at his back, as he calls, "Hi Lily," over his shoulder. "It's me," Judy says, sounding like a little girl, as she grins up at him. Will turns and looks at her without smiling. He's wearing glasses, which make him look smart. Judy likes. She stumbles backward into the kitchen, not taking her eyes off him, as she stammers that Lily leaves the key under the mat. Will wordlessly returns to sanding the ceiling as Judy blathers on. Judy asks if he'll tell Lily she can't use the egg coddler after all, and he stops sanding to look down at the box in her hand. Judy nervously tries cracking jokes about the coddler, and Will again returns to sanding, no smile in sight. Judy realizes she's falling flat and tries a new tack, asking Will about the work he's doing for Lily. Judy smiles and says, somewhat giddily, "I've always wanted an attic. Ever since I read Jane Eyre." She smiles up at Will and bats her eyelashes, forgetting, I guess, that he has no idea what she's talking about.
Lily's still hard at work, furiously scribbling notes. Graham glances up from the laptop on his desk and asks, "Whaddaya got?" She holds up a finger to shush him so she can finish writing down an idea.
Judy blabs on about attics in books, and I guess she's been at it awhile, since Will's not got the hole filled with drywall and is drilling the sheet in place. Judy asks, "Isn't there an attic in Ethan Frome?" Will looks at her like she's insane. A creaking sound gets their attention, and they turn to find Rick in the kitchen doorway, smiling self-consciously as he apologizes for interrupting. Judy stammers and acts like he just caught them slapping nakeds on the countertop, while Rick just looks from her to Will, taking it all in. Judy scrabbles to grab her things and asks Rick to tell Lily she doesn't want the egg coddler. Then she flies out the back door without even taking the time to put her coat on. Rick fishes something from his molar with his tongue, then looks knowingly at Will.
Cut to the two of them upstairs in the attic, Rick surveying the space while complimenting Will on what he "did for Judy." Will doesn't say anything, but keeps working on the patch. "I mean at the bookstore," Rick clarifies. He apologizes for interrupting Will and Judy in the kitchen, and Will quickly assures him "there was nothing to walk in on." Rick gives him an evaluating look and asks, "So you two aren't...uh..." He makes diddlling gestures with his fingers. Will assures him they're not and continues working on the patch. "She can be quite a handful, sometimes," Rick offers, causing Will to look up from his work. "Judy," Rick adds, just in case Will is totally daft. "But I mean, she's an okay person," he says softly, nodding to emphasize his point. Will looks awkward and asks Rick to hand him a crowbar. He attacks the floor with it, and Rick smiles to himself.
Boobies the Temp bounces into Graham's office to tell Lily that she has a call on line three, and that she doesn't know how to put it through. She's about to turn and leave, but Lily stops her to ask who's on the line. Oh, Boobies forgot to ask. Wow, maybe that whole stereotype about blondes with big breasts is true after all. Lily picks up the call. It's Jake, calling from the restaurant while Jennica does some bar stuff in the background. "Tiffany?" Jake asks. Lily corrects him and shirtily reminds him that he called her. "Right, right. Listen," he says, sitting down and warming up, "I'm not paying for half of your so-called home repairs, quote unquote." Lily snarks, "I don't believe this!" Jake tells her to believe it, and Lily whines, "These are not home improvements; this is a necessity!" Jake's not buying. "Yeah, for Sammler," he grumbles. Lily doesn't understand what he means by that, but instead of asking him to clarify, she asks what she's supposed to do. Jake lies that he's "sitting here with [his] accountant" and there's no way he can pay for the repairs. Lily turns her head and catches sight of Graham, who's slipped out to the outer office where he's feeding carrot sticks to Boobies. Lily looks personally affronted. I'm not into public displays, either, but I think she's getting a little more twisted than the situation merits. "I want Tiffany's number," she growls into the phone, not taking her eyes of Graham. Jake is incredulous. So much so that he holds the phone out in front of him an looks at it like he's not sure what it is. He asks why, and Lily snaps that she just needs it. I'm not sure why, but Jake's actually going to give it to her. He says he'll get it, and Lily bitches, "You don't know her number by heart?" He grits that he said he'll get it. Lily watches as Graham dabs Boobies's mouth with a napkin. Tacky, tacky, tacky. Lily is so stunned that she can't even hold the phone up to her ear anymore. She closes her eyes and slowly rests her forehead against her hand as we fade to commercials.
We return to find Lily leading Tiffany into the attic. Am I the only one with goosebumps? Doesn't Tiffany know that attics are bad, bad places where people can't hear you scream? It turns out that Lily just wants to give Tiffany the girls' old baby clothes. Which is nice, but what if Tiffany has a boy? And even more importantly, why is Lily being so nice to the woman with whom her ex-husband cheated? Do I actually have to admit that Lily is, at this moment, being a bigger person than I ever could? Tiffany is as incredulous as I am, wondering why Lily is doing this. "It just seemed like the right thing to do," Lily says simply. Tiffany digests this for a minute, and then nervously asks, "Do you realize when I started seeing Jake?" Lily nods almost imperceptibly.
Tiffany admits that she knew Jake was married, but she just sort of blocked Lily out. "And now you're being so nice to me," Tiffany says, ashamed. Lily admits that she's as surprised by it as Tiffany. Suddenly, Tiffany wonders about Judy, and whether she shouldn't have all these clothes. "Oh, I don't know," Lily says, glibly adding, "Who knows if she'll ever have a child?" Tiffany says she shouldn't take it all, and selects one dress. She tells Lily to keep the rest for her sister. Tiffany hoarsely says that Lily will never know how much this gesture means to her, and Lily looks awkward as she tries to think of an answer. Tiffany doesn't wait for one, but throws her arms around Lily, catching her a little off-guard. It only takes a moment for Lily to relax and hug Tiffany back.
Judy the Childless Wonder, meanwhile, is busy at her desk in the bookstore's back office. She hears a crash from the back patio, and suddenly a man's head and shoulders are silhouetted through the shade on the back door. Judy jumps out of her chair and backs herself against the wall, praying that the person will just go away. The door creaks, as if someone is trying the knob, and the soundtrack turns ominous. Judy grabs the phone off her desk, sinks down to the floor, and calls for help.
The phone at Phil's rings just as Jake is shutting off the lights. Okay, I know she's probably not thinking straight, but why wouldn't Judy call 911? Anyway, Judy whispers, "Jake," when he picks up. "Tiffany?" he asks. Anyone think Jake's got a bit of a guilty conscience? "No, it's Judy," she whispers. Jake's blood runs cold. "What happened?" he asks.
Cut to Jake and Judy with a police officer, checking out the back gate at the bookstore. The cop announces that the lock isn't broken, and Judy sheepishly admits that sometimes she forgets to lock it. "What?!" Jake asks. Judy quickly promises to lock it from now on. "Yeah, you're damn straight," Jake says. He asks for the officer's opinion on installing a security system. "Couldn't hurt," the cop answers, ever the helpful public servant. He shines his flashlight around the patio and then says that there's nothing much he can do. They thank him, and suddenly we find ourselves inside the bookstore, where Jake is berating Judy to "take action." He scares the bejeesus out of her some more by saying she doesn't know "what this Paul guy is capable of." Well, we know what he's not: meaningful conversation, good sex, and a decent hairstyle. Judy says that she has no proof that it was Paul, and says that maybe she's "the one who's obsessed." Either that, or she's been smoking too much pot. It makes you paranoid, you know. Jake says the guy threatened her in public, and she "can't just walk around with [her] head in the sand." Well, I don't think anybody can do that, but I get his point. Judy looks reluctant to face the possibility that she could be in danger. "Trust me!" Jake says. "Take it from someone who knows." It looks like he's finally gotten through.
Across town, Rick and Lily are all safe and snug in her bed. Seemingly out of the blue, he says he thinks she should quit her job. She just looks at him. "I'm serious," he insists. "I don't think you should have to work for somebody who's pushed himself on ya like this." Lily says he hasn't lately. Rick sarcastically says, "Yeah, he's moved on." He adds that it's just a matter of time before Graham comes back. How is he so sure? Lily asks the same thing, and Rick points out there's no reason for Graham not to: what consequences did he suffer for doing it the first time? "What about the money?" Lily worries. "There are other jobs," Rick says easily. Obviously, he's forgotten how hard it was for Lily to land this one, and it's not like she's built a career yet. Lily points out she can learn a lot at this job, and has some freedom there. Rick cuts her off with a dismissive "it's not worth it!" He even waves his hand dismissively. He points out that she can't sleep, and that she "shouldn't have to work for someone who makes [her] this anxious." Oh, please. Every job has stress and causes sleepless nights for one reason or another. And Rick admitted he often gets up in the middle of the night to work on his stuff. Oh, hey, Lily's throwing exactly these things back in his face, saying, "Yeah, right! What about Dentrell? He makes you pretty anxious." She flips on the bedside lamp and rolls out of bed. Go Lily! Rick corrects her, "It's Drentell. And that's different." Sure it is. Because it's his job. Lily asks why it's different. Rick says because Miles "doesn't harass [him] sexually." Lily says that Graham hasn't harassed her lately either. "This week," Rick says. He adds that the fact that Graham harassed her at all shows he doesn't respect her. Lily stops blowing her nose and says, "He listens to everything I say. What about forgiveness?" Wow, they are comfortable, now, aren't they? I can't blow my nose in front of Mr. Josh -- or anyone else, for that matter -- because I'm too afraid he'll see my snot, or that I'll be harboring an unknown booger in the corner of my nostril when I'm done. Good for Lily. Again, she's got more gumption than I. I think it's time to seriously reevaluate myself. Rick's little heart grows two sizes too small before he answers, "Some things should not be forgiven." Lily demands, "Like what? No, tell me so I can remember not to do them." Rick tells her to come to bed. She snuggles in against his armpit, as he echoes Jake's sentiments: "You have to protect yourself. If somebody betrays you, you can't just let them get away with it." Why do I get the feeling there's more to that statement than Rick's letting on? He sounds awfully bitter.
At the office the day, Lily's tattling on Graham and Boobies. Crusty, bent over her light table, is unaffected. "So he fed her carrot sticks? So what?" she asks. Lily's all indignant with her hands on her hips, and declares that she can't work with Graham. She thought she could, but she can't. Crusty speaks up in Graham's defense, saying that, as much as he dislikes Crusty, he came into her office to rave about Lily and the work she's been doing. Lily says she doesn't care. Crusty rolls her eyes at the impertinence and then cuts through the crap: "All right. Is he being inappropriate with you? You. Not...Slacker Barbie." Heh. Lily admits that he's not. "But he was. And what consequences has he suffered?" Oh, get off it, Rick. Part of me suspects that Lily's bothered by Graham's attentions toward Boobies (should that be Slacker Boobies?) because he seems to have gotten over her -- the "eclipse" -- so quickly. Crusty looks like she's biting her tongue. She moves to her desk and starts rifling through papers. Lily watches her, waiting for a response. Finally, she prompts, "Christy?" Crusty quietly says that she feels "somewhat, um, unappreciated." Lily stiffens. Crusty continues, her voice brittle, "I gave you this opportunity. I deal with having a semi-competent assistant, and I try to support you, which is...somewhat difficult for me, and what do I get but complaints? And anger." She folds her arms and takes a seat, giving Lily a steely look before adding, "Not everyone would do this, Lily. Not everybody goes out on a limb for their assistant. And maybe the situation has flaws, but...you never even thanked me!" Lily looks properly chastised, and clutches her hand to her chest, all verklempt. She chokes out a thank you and then repeats it, more emphatically. "Don't mention it," Crusty says.
Waiting for the elevator that evening, Lily realizes that she forgot her cell phone. She races back into the deserted offices, and grabs it off her desk. She spins around, dialing, and happens to glance into Graham's office. Her mouth falls open. Cut to Graham and Boobies making out. Boobies opens her eyes and catches Lily staring at them like a perv. Lily turns abruptly and rushes out. Boobies catches up to her at the elevators. She asks if she's in trouble, to which Lily storms, "You know, you don't have to take this from him." Boobies is even more confused than usual. She says, "I'm not taking anything," and then explains that she "just sorta went for it." Lily stares at her in disbelief. "Sorry," Boobies says, all cutesy. Lily gets into the elevator and stares stonily ahead while the doors close.
Cut to an aerial view of Lily's front foyer. Lily hears noises from upstairs and drops her bag and coat on the bench, calling, "Will?" She climbs the stairs, still calling. She goes all the way to the attic, then gasps in surprise when she finds Jake there, whacking away with a golf club at some sort of driving gizmo. The little golf ball spins on its chain and Jake whacks it again. "What are you doing?" Lily demands. Jake mutters he forgot he even had clubs up there, and then snarks, "So, this is the work space, ah? The one I'm supposed to pay for?" Lily yells that he just scared her half to death. Jake continues, spreading his arms grandly as he strolls around the attic, "Nice! A workspace in your own house. I mean, I never had that." Lily tells him he can't do this anymore. He thunders, "You want to know what you can't do anymore?" She doesn't care; she just yells, "You can't just walk into this house anymore!" Jake shouts back, "And you can't expect me to foot the bill just because your boyfriend decides he wants himself a nice little workspace in the house!" Lily says she doesn't believe this and starts to explain, but Jake cuts her off: "I'm not that stupid anymore! I may be jinxed, but I'm not that stupid." Lily says that she's not asking him to pay for that; she's just asking him to help her with the ice damage. Jake says that he's been all over the attic, and he hasn't seen any ice damage. Lily grits, "That's because you don't know where to look!" Jake looks at her for a moment before seething, bitterly, "Man, you just have no idea what I'm dealing with these days, do you?" Lily retorts, "Do you know what I'm dealing with?" Don't go there Lily. I don't think you can win this one. Jake doesn't wait to hear, but says, "And you don't want me barging into your house? Then stay the hell out of my personal life." Lily shrilly asks what he's talking about. He raises his eyebrows, as if to suggest that she knows. Lily gets it, saying, "Oh! I needed to speak to Tiffany." Jake shouts, "About?" Lily snaps that it's none of his business, that she just wanted to talk to her. Jake shakes his head and smiles bitterly at her audacity, saying, "You don't want me intruding into your house, into your life, and yet you see nothing wrong with --" "She's pregnant!" Lily shouts. I think he knows. Jake swings around the golf club, and smiles sardonically at the floor. "She needs you," Lily says, lowering her voice. Jake asks why she thinks he's not there for Tiffany. "Jennica!" Lily spits. Jake shakes his head and doesn't say anything. "Jake, let's just face it. Why would you be? You weren't there for me!" Jake shakes his head some more, puts the club back in his golf bag, and says, "I'm not paying for this." Lily just glares at him as he descends the stairs and we fade to commercials.
Gap keeps insisting that "spring is here," but I beg to differ.
When we return, Jennica's reading a magazine at the bar. Jake appears at her side, and she smiles up at him with a "hey!" Jake glances around and spots Paul, with a woman, in the nearly empty restaurant. "When did that guy walk in here?" Jake demands, already striding toward the table. "We are ready for some curly fries," Paul grins when he sees Jake approaching. Whoa, big spender. Jake puts a hand on Paul's shoulder and asks if they can speak in private. He assures the woman that he'll bring Paul right back.
When they get to the kitchen, Jake gets right to it: "Look, just stay away from her, okay?" Paul has no idea what he's talking about. Or does he...? Jake repeats himself, making it more clear, "Stay away from Judy Brooks. Leave her alone." Paul asks if Jake is crazy. "No, I'm not crazy. Are you crazy?" Jake asks, entirely serious. I giggle. It's such an action-hero moment. Paul says that he doesn't believe what Jake is saying, and Jake says that he'd better believe it, or he'll be very sorry. Paul snorts and makes for the door. Jake grabs him by the arm and says he's warning him for his own good. He tells Paul to promise him that he'll stay away from Judy. Paul starts yammering for Jake to get his hands off him, and all the tension Jake's been shouldering in the past few weeks finally finds an outlet. He goes apeshit. He grabs Paul by the shirt and repeats that Paul will stop bothering Judy, while Paul shouts for him to let go. Jake throws Paul backwards into a metal shelving unit, which collapses under his weight. Paul scrambles up and declares, "You're both crazy!" while Jake breathes hard through flared nostrils. As a parting shot, Paul spits, "No wonder this place is going out of business! I can't believe I felt sorry for you!" Jake tries to catch his breath, and surveys the mess around him as reality sets in. Jennica and a busgirl appear in the doorway. Jake asks for a broom, but they both just stare at him, dumbfounded. "Get me a damn broom!" he explodes. Jennica and the busgirl get the hell outta there. Jake sighs and holds his head in his hand.
Lily breezes into Graham's office, just as he's finishing up a call. He asks if she's ever heard of Urban Backpackers, and gives her a bit of their background. Lily's incredibly hip, all of a sudden, and says she knows all about them. Graham says, "They're interested in getting onto the web in a big way," and that she should plan on working late tonight. Bells and whistles go off in Lily's head, and she gives him an "oh, please" look. He says he knows she may not be comfortable with it just being the two of them, so he can ask Boobies the Temp to stay. Lily glares at him and sputters, "You are..." She throws up her hands and paces, saying she doesn't even know where to start. "I'm a dog," Graham tosses out. She spins and snarks that there's something seriously wrong with him. He agrees with her. She says she's serious. So is he. She asks what he's thinking when he acts "like this." He asks if she wants him to answer that, but Lily barely pauses for breath, rolling on with, "How do live? How does a person like you...?" Graham thinks about it for a few seconds and confesses that it's pretty lonely. Lily rolls her eyes and tells him, "Don't you dare try to get my sympathy." She says she can't talk to him. He throws up his hands and says, "Fine." She paces to the couch, her back turned, and says she can't even look at him. He says that's fine, but he thought she was the one who wanted to talk abut it. She spins around, all scary glary, and spits, "When are you gonna deal with it? When are you gonna admit you're out of control?"
Graham looks at her, speechless, and drops his eyes. Lily throws herself onto the couch, angry tears brimming in her eyes, as she continues, "I mean, all this flirting, and seducing, and drama...How do even do your job?" She folds her arms, glaring down at him from her high, high horse. Graham stands there, staring dully, and sadly mutters, "That's what gets me through my job." Lily stares at him, incredulous, asking, "And you admit how screwed up it is?" He does. He sinks down on the edge of his desk as Lily says, "I mean, do you realize, do you even realize how hard it is for me to walk in here every day? Do you realize how angry I've been at you?" Graham looks away, guilty, and admits, "I've been trying to ignore it." Lily goes on, "Well, this behavior, this is what broke up my marriage, okay? Do you even realize that?" Uh.... They're silent for a minute, as Lily realizes that of course there's no way Graham could have known that, and she says as much. She says she can't blame him for that: "That part's not your fault." She admits, "That part, is me." Graham says, "I'm actually sorry. I'm sorry if I caused you any pain." Lily looks at him a moment before saying softly, "I do believe it."
Jake's drowning his sorrows in a glass of amber liquor as the music -- still unidentifiable -- from the opening of the show kicks up. Jennica breezes up to his side, but her smile disappears quickly when she realizes he's pretty into the drink in front of him. He just shakes his head, and pokes at an ice cube. She wordlessly turns around and walks away. Blearily, Jake looks after her. She pauses at the door, sees him squinting drunkenly in her direction, and walks out. Jake takes another drink, sighs, and rubs his eyes.
Boobies prances into Graham's office and interrupts him and Lily. She apologizes and says that Lily has a phone call. She helpfully adds that it's the light that's blinking. Wow, make room at the top for this genius. Lily picks up and a male voice says, "Hi, it's me." "Rick?" she asks, smiling. Nope, it's Jake. The smile disappears. Jake takes a deep breath and says, "I don't know how to explain this..." Lily tells him to try. "Well, I didn't realize that you knew...whe -- when you were pregnant." Lily glances over her shoulder at Graham and says she didn't, then. She realized it later. "Well, all I can say is, it wasn't your fault," Jake says. "It had, I mean, I wish -- [sighs and covers the mouthpiece to collect himself] -- anyway, I'll pay for the ice damage. Okay?" Lily looks taken aback and cautiously says, "Okay." Jake repeats, "Okay," and hangs up. Lily thoughtfully looks at the receiver before replacing it in its cradle. Boobies asks if they still need her to stay late. Lily shoots Graham a look of understanding, and he says, "No. Not anymore." Boobies's smile fades as she realizes she's yesterday's toy. I wonder if there'll be a new rumor flying around about Lily and Graham, now? If I were Boobies -- and that's a big if -- I'd feel like they were getting rid of me, nudge nudge, wink wink.
Cut to Judy exclaiming over the baby clothes, as Lily loses a few of the points she gained this episode. She tries to play it off like she'd been saving the clothes for Judy all along. Judy is totally touched, and throws her arms around Lily, saying that the gesture is a vote of confidence that she's going to have kids someday. "You are," Lily says, sounding a lot more sure than she did earlier, with Tiffany. The front door closes. It's Will Gluck. He pauses in the foyer as Judy holds up a tiny dress and says, "Come see what I got!" He jerks his thumb upwards and says he left some stuff upstairs. He clomps up the stairs as Judy's face falls. She throws down the dress and growls, "That does it," before stomping off behind him.
She confronts him in the attic. "Can I just ask you something?" Will closes his tool chest and turns to face her, waiting. Judy's tone changes, and she cutely says that she was thinking of installing a security system, and mentions that the other night at the store, somebody tried.... Will cuts her off, saying that it was him. "What?" Judy asks, as Will returns to gathering his tools. Judy asks if he's been calling her machine and hanging up. He cops to it, saying, "Well, I kind of thought of it as chickening out. Look, I'm sorry if I scared ya." Judy's hella pissed. Will curtly says it won't happen again. Judy snarks a bit and sarcastically concludes, "Well, I certainly don't deserve an explanation." He says that she doesn't want one. She insists that she does. He storms, "No you don't! You don't want to hear how hard it was for me to take this job, knowing I might see you! You don't want an explanation! You just want to hear what a smart decision it was for you to cut me loose when really, it was just a fear of closeness." Ouch, that one hurt. "You wanna hear that I'm fine, right? You didn't hurt my feelings. I'm a man -- I don't have any feelings! You wanna hear how walking out on me proves how mature you are, when really, it shows how blinded you are to just about everything!" He says he "got a little loaded" and decided that he should tell her these things. He went to the bookstore one night but then lost his nerve. He grabs his tools and makes to leave, but Judy stops him, saying softly, "I don't know what to say...It's just so...unfamiliar. I'm usually the one who gets hurt." Will looks away. She asks if he can forgive her. He says a soft "sure" and heads past her down the stairs. Judy watches him, looking as if she knows she just lost a good man. Despite his social retardation.
Downstairs, Lily's still playing with her baby clothes. She sniffs one of the sweaters. Ew, I bet it doesn't smell too fresh. The doorbell rings. "Jake?" she calls through the door. But it's Rick; he forgot his key. She says that's why she always leaves one under the mat. He asks whether she was expecting Jake. She says he's coming by to get the girls for the weekend and adds, "Of course it was you. It had to be you!" And then, sweet merciful god, she breaks into song. Or a close approximation thereof. She starts butchering "It Had to Be You," and grabs Rick to dance. He joins in and starts singing with her. We fade to Judy, slumped on a box in the attic and looking forlorn, as some guy takes over the vocals. It sounds like the guy who always sings at Phil's. Judy cradles a doll in her arm and leans forward to stroke the hair of another one that's tucked into an old cradle. She rocks the cradle wistfully as we fade to Will Gluck heading out Lily's back door. He pauses to glance toward the attic, then smiles to himself before walking away. Lily and Rick, meanwhile, are still swaying together in the foyer, looking -- for the first time in a long time -- like a couple with a spark of romance between them.