So, this week Once and Again gets back to what it does best, and I, for one, could not be happier. Except that this episode made me cry like a baby. I mean, Patrick Dempsey and Leonard Cohen? Dude, I never had a chance. I should probably warn you, there may be intermittent breaks in the recap because I doubt I can get through this thing without spilling a few more drops of saline. Okay, deep breaths, deep breaths...
Soliloquy Lily opens the episode, fondly saying, "It's not like we never fought. We fought all the time. Over everything. Who had to sit to Grandma at Passover, the best ways to torture Judy. It was great!"
Cut to Lily in Grace's room, making the bed and nervously chatting to Rick, who's standing in the doorway, still in his jacket, holding the pillows. Lily's anxiously going over the sleeping arrangements and then excitedly says, "I just can't believe he's coming!" She adds that she can, because he did so well at Judy's, and Rick mentions something about medication. Lily says, "There's no miracles. They always say that. But it works!" Rick exposits, "Like it's done for Aaron." Lily looks at him tenderly and thanks him "so much for stopping by so early." He quips, "Wait 'til we're married -- I'll frequently be stopping by early." Lily goes to grab his lips for a smush, but the phone interrupts her. They search for it, trying to follow its muffled rings through the sheets and blankets, surprised that it's buried in the bed. They finally dig it out, and it's Jake on the line, actually giving them some warning that he'll be there in two minutes for the girls. Lily heads to the top of the staircase and bellows the information. Grace emerges from a door behind her and informs Lily that she doesn't have to scream.
Grace slips into her room, slightly surprised to find Rick there, clutching her pillows (go ahead and giggle; I did. But then, I'm three) but even more surprised to find that Lily is making her bed. Lily wants to know why the phone was tucked in it. Zoe slides open the door to the bathroom that adjoins their rooms, and tattles that Grace was "talking to that Spencer guy until midnight." Grace counters that it wasn't midnight. Zoe shoves her toothbrush in her mouth and insists that she "got up to pee; [she] saw a clock," before Grace slides the door closed on her. Grace tells Lily it was 11:32. Lily says that it's still too late, but Grace reminds her that she and Spencer "went through this crucible together. [They] can't just say everything [they] have to say to each other in a day." Grace returns to her initial question, and asks why Lily is making her bed. Rick finally drops the pillows and says he's going downstairs to get them some coffee. Lily tells Grace that Aaron's coming. "Tomorrow. You said tomorrow," Grace says, adding that she wanted to be there when Aaron arrived. Lily says that she should be home around four o'clock, then. Grace says that something might come up with Spencer -- he might need her -- but that she'll get home as soon as she can. Jake honks from the street, and Grace leaves. But not before smirking, "Feel free to make my bed any day." Lily follows her, wanting to say something, but Zoe pops out and stops her with a question: "Was Uncle Aaron always the way he is?" Lily answers, "No, he was wonderful once." She catches herself and, after a beat, adds, "Not that he isn't now."
Lily hops on the Soliloquy Stool and reminisces about the time Aaron found a mouse and the two of them rummaged through a box of Judy's little troll dolls, stole the outfit off one and...She doesn't finish the story, but clasps her hands together and coyly smiles, "Oh, we were terrible!" How the hell did they not get bitten? She stares off for a couple of seconds, and her look grows wistful. She sighs and says, a little sadly, "Daddy always said they had Aaron for me." I don't know why, but I find that a little disturbing. Aaron's not a puppy, for crying out loud.
Rick returns with the coffee just as Zoe's scooting away. Lily accepts the mug, asking, "Do I scream?" Do people really make it this easy? "Only when I'm good," Rick "brags." Ba-dum-dum. Lily smiles and strokes his face, saying that she can't wait for Aaron to get to know him; Rick's "family now."
Cut to Grace at school, popping up to Spencer at his locker. With a big smile, she says that it was "so cool talking with [him] last night." Spencer smiles and agrees. Grace adds that she "got in trouble, of course, but it was so worth it." Spencer's smile fades a little, and he evades, "Well, I've gotta go," and explains that he agreed to edit poetry for the lit magazine, and some girl just submitted a forty-page poem called I, Darkling. He laughs, "What is a 'darkling,' please?" Grace smiles and steps closer, flirting, "Someone who darkles...I guess?" Spencer hmms a half chuckle and shuffles away from the locker, casting a furtive, sidelong glance at Grace. He nervously scratches at his face before admitting, "I've been having trouble sleeping. You?" Grace hasn't. Spencer rolls his eyes and makes a circle in the air with his fingers, saying his mom thinks he needs "closure to what [they] went through." Grace snickers, "Oh, yeah like that'll happen any time soon." She then grabs his arm and stops him -- which he doesn't look too happy about -- and eagerly says, "I had this idea this morning. Like, what happened to us? That was real, and like, most people never get a real thing or moment -- and I don't just mean in high school -- but we did." "So?" Spencer asks. Grace explains that they could interview each other: "You know, as survivors." Grace asks what he thinks. Spencer thinks he'd rather ask the quarterback on a date, but he just says he'll think about it and then makes to leave. Grace follows. Spencer is so crazy to get away from her that he hits the stairs backwards, still making excuses, and trips, sitting heavily on one of the steps. It doesn't even faze him. He's up and dashing desperately to the top, like Grace suddenly donned a goalie mask and revved up her chainsaw. Grace, oblivious to the fact that she just grew a second head, shouts after him to find her later.
Cut to an exterior of Manning Manor as the front door opens. Lily and Zoe emerge as a small car pulls up to the curb. "Well, we made it!" the driver calls cheerfully, scooting around the trunk toward the passenger door. It's Aaron's support worker, Shelly. She opens the door for Aaron, who emerges self-consciously, clutching a battered cardboard suitcase to his chest. He's wearing one of those fur-lined hats with earflaps, and it's s lightly askew on his head. Basically, you just want to hug him. Except that he probably wouldn't like that very much. Lily and Zoe offer up big smiles, and Aaron takes a cautious step toward them, softly saying, "Lily..." Zoe peers up at him from behind Lily's sleeve. He continues,"Thank you for having me, Lily." She immediately thanks him for coming. He looks down for a second, and then says, "I think I should state, to be perfectly honest [Lily braces herself], this is not my own, actual suitcase." Lily is at a loss and throws a slightly puzzled look at Shelly, who doesn't miss a beat, saying, "I think Lily's probably fine with that, Aaron." Lily takes the cue and agrees that, of course, she is. She adds that Judy's on her way, and Aaron smiles a relieved little smile. Lily adds that Judy mentioned how much he liked the bookstore, so she thought the two of them would go tomorrow. Aaron rushes out, "That sounds like a plan. I'd like to see where I'm going to sleep." Zoe pipes up that he'll be staying in Grace's room, and that Grace "freaks if you move her stuff an inch, but don't worry, [Zoe knows] where everything goes." She extends her hand and offers to show him the way. Shelly gives Aaron an encouraging smile; he timidly accepts Zoe's hand, and they head up the walk together.
Shelly explains to Lily that Aaron's just feeling "a little shy, and he'll sleep a lot -- expect it. It's the downside of his meds. " She pulls a large plastic box out of the trunk and hands it to Lily, who clutches at her chest a little and says, "Shelly, he seems...he seems so --" Shelly happily interrupts, "Lily, I saw how he connected, how he looked at you. And whether it's the meds, or that it's March, or who the hell knows?" She moves to the driver's side, reminding Lily that she just has to page Shelly if there's a problem, and she can be there in ten minutes. She adds that everyone should try to keep their expectations reasonable, and that Lily should think of something that she needs from Aaron. Lily is surprised. Shelly says she knows it's been forbidden for twenty years, but Aaron needs to feel like he has something to give, too. Shelly gets in the car, and Lily bends down to wave through the window before turning and running toward the house.
Cut to Lily and Judy in the kitchen, making dinner. They chat about Aaron's situation, and Lily mentions that he's looking forward to the bookstore tomorrow. Judy brings up a past memory of the time Lily and Aaron babysat her for the weekend, and gave her "these tiny, tiny little portions of food." Lily half-rolls her eyes and gets a devilish look before saying, "It was just two meals." Judy brings up the birthday cake they made for her with sand instead of sugar. Then she mentions the rope ladder to the treehouse, which Lily and Aaron would dangle just out of Judy's reach. And people feel sorry for me for being an only child. Shyeah. Not hardly. Zoe interrupts, importantly announcing, "I have to get Uncle Aaron a soda."
The camera follows Zoe and the product-placed Pepsi into the dining room, where Grace is setting the table. She asks Aaron where he wants to sit. Zoe touches his arm and says that he can sit to her if he wants. He thinks this over for a second and then gets a mischievous glint in his eye, saying, "I think I'll eat off of everyone's plate. Like in that Helen Keller movie." The three of them smile, and Zoe pipes up, "I love Helen Keller." Grace rolls her eyes and mocks, "Oh, what is she? Your favorite blind person?" Aaron takes another sip of his Pepsi, sets the can on the table, and announces, "I'd like to help set the table, please." Grace seems to appreciate the import of this offer, and hands him the brown woven placemats, which he studies. He says that they have Star Wars placemats at his group home for every meal. "Which must be why they call us space cadets," he adds. Grace bursts out laughing, and then catches herself and glances at him guiltily. "Oh, god, I'm so sorry," she says. He's smiling, too, though, and tells her that it's okay to laugh. "I can't, though, or the state'll cut off my funding," he mutters, which earns another snicker from Grace. Aaron calls out to Lily, and she and Judy rush from the kitchen expecting trouble. He tells her that "Grace reminds [him] of someone." He tells her it's Aunt Miriam, and Lily is shocked that he even remembers her. "She was nice, in a way," Aaron says as he arranges the silverware, adding, "And so is Grace." He steps back from the table and covers his smirk with his hand. "In a way?" Grace says, pretending to be offended. A bell dings in the kitchen, interrupting Happy Hour. Lily looks thrown for a second, until Judy reminds her that it's the garlic bread.
Lily and Judy return to the kitchen, mumbling that they can't believe Aaron remembers Aunt Miriam. Lily suddenly strides for a counter and braces herself, taking deep breaths and trying to remain calm, while Judy rambles on about Aunt Miriam's strange fascination for centering everything. Judy pulls out the garlic bread and realizes that Lily's being very quiet; it's because she's trying to hold back the tears that are brimming in her eyes. Lily takes a big gulp of air and then pushes off from the counter, saying that she's starving, and that they should eat. Judy studies her and quietly asks whether Aaron knows about Lily's engagement. Lily thinks for a moment, and then says that maybe she'll tell him tonight. Judy thinks that's a good idea. Lily tosses the salad a little before grabbing the bowl and saucily saying, "And I'm warning you, Judy -- tonight you'll be getting very tiny portions." Judy laughs and swats her with a tea towel.
Fade to the foyer, as the camera pans to the slowly opening front door. Grace creeps in, grimacing as she tries to close the door quietly. She tiptoes in and glances furtively toward the top of the stairs before turning and spotting Aaron in the living room. She smiles, relieved it's not Lily, and sighs, "Uncle Aaron." He's standing in the shadows in his bathrobe, working in earnest on opening a package of licorice. She asks what he's doing, and he whispers, "Licorice. Specifically, red. Do you want one?" She says sure and moves into the room with him. He mutters about the importance of opening the package carefully, in such a way as to preserve their freshness, even though "they're nothing but chemicals." He triumphantly passes a strand to Grace and whispers that Lily's taking a bath. Grace's shoulders slump. She asks whether Lily's mad at her. "No. Not that I saw," Aaron says, adding, "But I see things that are not there." Grace turns to catch him smiling at his joke. He tells her she can laugh, and she does. She asks how it's going, and he says pretty good. He reaches to turn on a lamp, but Grace stops him. She lights a candle instead. She looks up at him in the light and says, "You know what? You clean up nice." He smiles bashfully and looks down. She remembers how Phil always used to say that about her. "My grandpa. Your dad," she says. "Some people are two things," Aaron says, chewing on licorice. "Sometimes they're three." "Like you," Grace says. She's about to list them off, while he struggles to get some words out. Finally, he blurts, "I get worried." Grace asks, "About being too many things?" He scoots closer to Grace, pleading, "Don't tell Lily." He sits back against the couch and gnaws on the licorice, reassuring himself, "I'm doing really well." Grace nods and smiles, and says, "Me too." She confides in him about her experience with Spencer, saying that when you've been through something with someone, you see everything differently. Aaron listens, transfixed, and his eyes light up. Grace says that suddenly the word feels like it's "made up of two teams, you know? Those who were there, and those who weren't. You know what I mean?" Aaron looks like he's trying to contain his glee and answers, "That's my life," before taking another bite of licorice. Grace stares at him, digesting this, and finally breathes, "Wow."
Tap, tap, tap, tap. Lily's slippers slap the stairs as she stomps down, snapping, "Grace!" Grace exchanges a look with Aaron, huffs, and says that she's ten minutes late -- Lily said 10:30. Lily's no fool, though, and she knows that she said ten o'clock. She moves to turn on a lamp, and Aaron whispers to Grace some secrets from Lily's high school days. He mentions "Brian Garvin," and that "he was the one [Lily] was always late with." Lily smiles at the memory, which she'd clearly forgotten. Grace asks what happened to him, and Lily hedges, "He changed." After a second she explains, "He turned gay. He is gay." Grace is thunderstruck: "So you made him gay?" Lily insists that it wasn't her. "Are you sure?" Grace asks, suppressing a laugh. "That was after me, Grace, not during me." Lily decides that Grace has had enough of a history lesson and orders her upstairs. I think Grace needs a lesson in sexuality before she goes, though, don't you? I mean, they just discussed whether Lily "turned" a guy gay, like it's even possible. And, they laughed abut it like it's an embarrassment for Lily. That's just not right. Jesus, to put it in perspective, that's stuff George Costanza has said. Anyway, Lily says that they'll discuss Grace's curfew in the morning. "You mean we'll infantilize me in the morning," Grace complains, and Lily corrects her pronunciation of "infantilize." Hee. Grace says that Lily could just trust her -- it's not like she's out doing drugs or anything. "I take drugs," Aaron chimes. Grace nudges his shoulder and laughs, "These are different." She catches Lily looking at her and quickly holds up her hand, reassuring her, "The ones I'm not taking." Lily points to the stairs.
Once Grace has tromped off to bed, Lily smiles at Aaron and asks if he wants some tea. He smiles back, "Sounds like a plan." They sit in the kitchen, reminiscing about the things she and Judy talked about earlier. They laugh and then Lily sighs that she needs to get to bed. She asks whether Aaron took his medicine. "Yes, everything," he answers, perhaps a bit too eagerly. Lily asks whether he wants something to eat. They establish that they're both fine, and Lily stares at him fondly for a few seconds. Aaron returns the look, but looks away uncomfortably after the first second. Lily sits down again and leans forward, sharing the news of her engagement. She smiles broadly as she speaks of Rick, and starts to get choked up when she says that some of the things she'd always counted on -- their father, her marriage -- are just gone. "And you," she adds, "You'd been gone so long I didn't know how much I missed you." Aaron looks touched. "And now you're here, and I'm getting married!" Lily tearfully smiles, "And I want you to be there, because you're the man of the family now." She reaches out and touches his cheek. Aaron looks up at her, then puts his hand over hers, closing his eyes. Lily changes the subject to their old neighbors, grinning that Judy thought they were Russian spies. "They were!" Aaron exclaims, with no trace of humor. Uh oh. Lily doesn't notice this, though, and just smiles at him and says softly, "Of course they were." She gazes at him adoringly for a few moments and asks, "So you do remember that?" He looks at her earnestly and answers, "Lily, I remember everything." She nods wordlessly and he kisses her cheek and says goodnight. He pauses in the doorway to give her a tiny smile and a wave with his finger. "'Night, Aaron," Lily calls out through her tears.
We return from commercials to join Lily and Aaron as they arrive at the bookstore. Lily gives Judy a little tap and tells her the place looks great. They make a little small talk before Lily grabs Aaron's hand and pulls him over to a shelf to show him something. A woman and her daughter enter the store, and the rugrat's on one of those stupid scooter things. Judy tries to stop them in the doorway, saying that she doesn't think it's such a good idea to ride the scooter in the store, but the woman is one of those imperiously bitchy types who think their kids are perfect, and she assures Judy that her daughter is a "superb athlete. She'll be careful." Sure she will. Judy purses her lips and steps back with an "okay, whatever" eyebrow cock. Hi, Judy? You own the place, remember? The camera pans back to Aaron and Lily, who are busy scouring the books on a shelf that Lily "always called 'Aaron's shelf'" because she stocked it with the titles that were his favorites. She holds up some of the books and reads off their titles, while Aaron gasps with pleasure.
Soliloquy Judy tells us that Aaron was a really good artist, and that "his masterpieces were these signs that said 'Keep Out Judy' with little drawings of [her], headless, looking up at [her] body." She smiles fondly and says, "He was really good."
Back at the bookstore, the little demon on wheels is rolling her spoiled ass all over the place. Lily calls over to Judy, remembering the Lord of the Rings production they staged. Lily and Aaron had the exciting parts, of course, while little Judy had to play the "all-purpose Hobbit." Lily jokes that it was because her feet were so hairy and then whispers conspiratorially to Aaron that they still are; it's why Judy "always wears boots." Aaron gets a glint in his eye and busts out, "Judy Doody!" Lily laughs with glee, and the two of them repeat it. Hell, I repeat it. Yes, I'm four. And I never had anyone to call "Doody," so leave me alone. Judy growls, "I have to work," and heads for the counter just as the little brat scoots toward Lily and Aaron. Aaron freaks out at the sight of her zooming toward him, and rightfully so. He backs up and cowers behind the shelf as Lily puts out an arm to stop the little terror. Judy rushes over as the kid starts whining, "I didn't do anything!" Judy lays a hand on the kid's arm and says she's going to have to ask them to leave. The suburban bitch gets her undies in a twist, huffs, "Don't touch her!" and well-I-nevers her and her blubbering spawn out of there. And don't come back!
Aaron, meanwhile, is apologizing profusely for "getting in the way." He berates himself and clutches at his head and throws himself onto the couch nearby. Lily reassures him that it wasn't his fault, as he mutters that he's just going to sit there, out of the way. He sounds breathless and on the verge of a meltdown. Judy suggests that maybe Lily should take Aaron home. Lily doesn't respond, but crouches in front of Aaron and smiles at him while he rambles. Judy joins them and shushes Aaron while rubbing his arm. "I think we should eat!" Lily declares, glancing at Judy. Judy whispers that she thinks he should rest; he needs a lot of rest every day. She grabs Lily by the shoulder and walks her to the other side of the store, muttering about how she hates "those scooter things. There's something utterly creepy about them." She pulls down the blind on the door. "Judy he's okay, just let him be," Lily whispers. Judy turns with a scornful look and says, "He is never 'okay.' It's about how much he can handle." They continue discussing Aaron and glancing over at him, and he can totally tell they're talking about him, and he looks anxious to be the source of all this bother. Judy says that Aaron's condition "is nothing [they] can count on," and Lily snaps, "I know that! I don't want to fight." Judy doesn't, either. Lily icily declares that they're going home, "okay? He needs his rest." She stares coldly at Judy before turning on her heel and returning to Aaron.
Cut to Jake behind the bar at Phil's. Through the curtained foyer, we can see the front door open, and Grace calls out, "Daddy?" She's with Spencer, who offers his hand across the bar and says, "Hey Mr. Manning." Jake insists that Spencer call him by his first name, after everything they've been through. Jake leans on the bar and asks if Grace told Spencer that Phil's was her grandfather's place. Spencer looks around as if he's never been there before and says she didn't, "Jake." Jake says that Phil "never would have let what happened...well, happen." Spencer's jovial smile slides off his face and he glances around again. Jake slams his hand on the bar to emphasize his point, and Spencer jumps at the sound. Jake catches Grace staring at him, and Spencer staring at him, and realizes he''s running off at the mouth. He changes the subject, asking what they're doing there "on this...[pained chuckle] slow day." Grace explains the article they're going to do about their experience. Spencer just stands there looking like a turtle without his shell. He turns and paces a few steps away, distracted. "Right?" Grace asks, clapping a hand to his shoulder. "Uh, right," he forces. Jake excuses himself to go to his office.
Grace rushes over to Spencer and faces him across a table, saying, "Okay, I think I should do you first." Hubba hub -- oh. She meant interview, as she clarifies for his and my benefit. She starts going on again, babbling about doing "A Day in the Life of Spencer Lewicki," and suggesting that they include a timeline of everything he did that day before he got to the restaurant. She notices Spencer apprehensively looking around the restaurant. She looks around to see what he's watching for, but continues talking. She starts outlining the timeline, rhyming off sample times. When she mentions brushing his teeth, Spencer interrupts, jabbing a finger and saying, "Don't put that in." Grace is taken aback, but quickly agrees that they can start it later in the day. "Grace!" he finally interrupts her. He asks if they can "do this later." Grace is a little exasperated, pointing out, "But we're here!" He says he knows, but he doesn't feel that well. In fact, he "can't swallow. Like, [he] suddenly get[s] how complex swallowing is, and [he's] not sure [he] can effectively do it." Grace asks if he wants some water. His eyes are bugging as he blurts, "Air! I just need air. Now. And I think I'll just catch the bus because it stops right outside." He desperately points outdoors, where no madman with a gun has ever harassed him. He rambles something about going home, and Grace asks if he wants her to go with him. That stops him cold. "No!" he insists, raising his voice. Grace looks like he just stomped on her foot. They look at each other for a moment before he seems to collect himself. He steps forward, touches her arm, and assures her that he'll be okay. She swallows and nods as he softly says, "See ya," before racing out.
Jake steps up to Grace, asking if they're sure they don't want anything. He doesn't seem to notice that Spencer's taken a powder. Grace just stares at the door until Jake prods, "Grace?" She looks at him blankly and says, "Nothing."
Cut to a close-up of a window hung with sheer cream curtains. Bare branches are starkly silhouetted behind it, and we can hear them creaking in the wind. Aaron suspiciously approaches the window and peers through the curtains. Then he turns toward the dining-room table and starts trying to set the table. He keeps pricking up his ears and cocking his head, apprehensively looking all around him for the source of the sudden heavy footsteps and metallic clinking, which sounds like a ring of jailer's keys.
Soliloquy Aaron just sits, paranoid, glancing from side to side.
In the dining room, Aaron glances in fear toward the front door, hearing that someone is about to open it. He's trying so hard to maintain, but it's too much. He puts down the placemats and covers his ears briefly to try to shut out the sound, trying to keep it away...
Soliloquy Aaron flinches, disturbed by a crashing thud and looks up in terror.
In the dining room, Aaron sees that Grace has just come through the front door. She waves hello and tosses her things on the bench, while he glances from her to the table, looking as if she caught him red-handed. "Uncle Aaron?" she asks. "She's at the market," he blurts, trying hard to speak normally. "Rick's coming," he adds nervously, glancing sidelong for a split second to see if she's onto him. Grace says she knows, and asks when Lily left. Aaron swipes a hand across his forehead and continues spreading out the placemats, answering, "Just a short time ago, with Zoe." Grace walks toward the dining room, saying that it's nice they have some time alone. She adds, "I hope you can come more often." He looks over at her, arms clutched tightly around himself, and declares, "I'm doing so much better." She agrees, and he looks relieved.
Grace moves through the dining room to the kitchen, saying, "I just saw that boy I told you about." Aaron asks whether she's in love. Grace stops like he just pulled her leash taut, and turns to ask him how she's supposed to know that, chuckling a little defensively. Aaron just smiles a little and continues folding napkins. Grace turns her attention to the cookie jar, looking inside as she says, "Maybe I'm not." She puts down the lid and grabs an orange from the fruit basket to it and says, "Or, I don't know. I might be." She stands awkwardly, clutching the orange and a notebook over her chest. "Might makes right," Aaron says, without looking up. Grace recognizes the quote, and Aaron rubs furiously at his eye, like a little boy, saying he had a book about the Kitty Hawk, but he doesn't know where it is now.
Grace starts peeling the orange as she moves into the dining room, saying somewhat distractedly, "I don't know if I'm in love. I just don't know." Aaron nods and starts grabbing cutlery, saying, "Would be an unknown element." Grace asks whether he's ever been in love. He looks at her, looks down, and smiles, saying he thinks he was. He describes the object of his desire, saying that she had a scarf with fringe that hung to her knees, and he thinks he tried to talk to her but that there was just too much fringe. Grace is impressed that he remembers so much. "Things remember me," Aaron mutters, setting some napkins in place. Grace stares at him blankly for a second, then something clicks. She tells him she knows just what he means, which gets his attention. She says that sometimes she wonders if she's "actually here, or if [she's] just someone's idea of [her]. But who's the someone, and what's the idea? And what if it's a bad idea?" Oooh, echoes of David Lynch. Aaron looks a little freaked that someone is expressing his experience, but then he smiles at having found someone who understands. Grace catches his half smile and rolls her eyes self-consciously, saying, "These are all recent weirdnesses." She flops onto a chair and offers him a wedge of orange. Aaron sits down, too, and leans across the table, asking her what it's like. "Love, you mean?" Grace smiles and looks off, while Aaron nibbles at his orange wedge, seemingly not expecting her to answer. After a few seconds, she looks at him again and answers, "Snow." He registers this and repeats, "Snow," like it's the most profound word he's ever heard. Grace explains, "You know how there's mornings where you wake up, and the night before you knew snow might be coming, but...you'd forgotten? Then you go to the window, and it's everywhere? You're surprised, but...not really." Wow. Nice metaphor, I guess, but I have the exact opposite reaction to snow: sinking stomach, curses flowing freely, excuses not to get out of bed flying through my brain. It's just a gigantic pain in the ass. Then again, I say this at the end of March, but that first Christmas snow? Magic. Okay, yeah, I get it now. I'm sure you're all thrilled for me, so let's get back to it. Aaron smiles and takes another bite of orange, asking, "So, is there snow?" Grace grins and answers, "All around!" They share a smile until something makes them both jump and look toward the front door. "I hear Mom," Grace says as they pop up and scramble to finish setting the table.
Cut to Zoe in the kitchen, scrunching up her nose as she pinches a salmon steak between her thumb and finger and asks, "Is salmon the same thing as smoked salmon?" Grace asks if she really expects an answer to that question. Zoe informs Grace that she's ignoring her, and then asks what is possibly one of the ten most important questions in life: is there dessert? Lily says of course -- apple cobbler. Zoe asks if she can go and see if Aaron's awake, but Lily says he needs to rest and that Zoe shouldn't bother him.
Unfortunately, someone else already is bothering him. Aaron's perched warily on the edge of the bed, casting his eyes left and right, ready for the attack. The camera swoops back as Soliloquy Aaron offers us a glimpse inside his head: "So when they come, sometimes you don't know, sometimes, so you wait. They always know where you are. Or, he does." He's interrupted by the sound of the doorbell downstairs. On the bed, Aaron jumps and looks over his shoulder.
Rick has arrived for dinner. He asks after Aaron, and Lily tells him that "he's doing so much better." She says she told Aaron about their engagement, and that she wants him to be at the wedding. Lily explains that he didn't get to go to the first one because "he was so sick, and Jake didn't want him there, and neither did I." Rick just looks at her and deadpans, "You think he'll behave?" I think he's kidding, anyway. Lily reacts as if he is and they both smile and head for the kitchen.
Upstairs, Aaron is still hunched up on the edge of the bed like a frail old man. There's a strange, rushing white noise in the background, which is getting louder. He flinches a little and moves to cover his ears before Soliloquy Aaron takes over. He keeps looking from side to side, never letting his eyes stay still for a second and explains, "When he's there -- which is less if I stay very still -- but when he is, he talks about me. He was in Nixon's cabinet see, so he knows all about me. When he's there, and when he's not."
On the bed, Aaron straightens up, tense, as if someone is approaching him, and he's expecting trouble. There's a sound of rushing air, and then a shadowy figure passes across the screen. It slowly becomes solid, and we can see that it's a man in a long black coat. Aaron follows the man's movement with his head, but keeps his eyes cast down, intimidated. A voice like something out of The Exorcist says, "Aaron? Aaron?" He flinches and jumps back a little, turning to the doorway. Lily's leaning in, repeating his name. Dude, I bet he's never been so happy to see someone in his life. It's like waking up from a nightmare, but you weren't asleep in the first place. Except that he's still not "awake." He stares at Lily, and a creepy, metallic man's voice orders him, "Talk to her." Aaron says her name. She asks if he's okay. "Oh, yes," he lies, looking away. His face is almost entirely shrouded in shadows. She asks if he's sure. "Tell her!" Nightmare Man orders. We get a flash of Soliloquy Aaron looking terrified. Aaron forces a smile, struggles to breathe normally, and manages to say, "I'm sure." He says he guesses that he closed his eyes and dreamed. She asks what he dreamed about. He stares at her blankly, until Nightmare Man barks, "Trees!" Aaron repeats the word. "I dreamed of trees," he says, his voice thick with fear and choked tears. Lily tells him that if he wants to rest more, it's fine, but he insists, "No, I want to be with you, Lily." Lily beams and tells him that Rick's there. Aaron forces out an enthusiastic sound and promises to be down in a minute. She leaves, and Aaron's head sadly slumps forward, as if suddenly relieved of a heavy weight. He looks like he's about to cry. He sadly shakes his head and bolsters himself to face dinner downstairs. He walks slowly toward the bedroom door and pauses, looking back into the room for any signs of the Nightmare Man. Finding none, he looks puzzled, and then heads downstairs as we head to commercials.
When we return, it's the day. Aaron is huddled on a bench in the garden, fiddling with another package of red licorice. He's wearing the earflaps hat again and looks like an overgrown child. Lily watches him from an upstairs window. Soliloquy Lily tells us, "In the last picture I have of Aaron, he's about eighteen. And the face I see now is that face -- or close enough." Well, bipolar disorder isn't leprosy, for crying out loud. ["I thought he was schizophrenic. Hearing voices suggests that." -- Wing Chun] I guess she just means she finally sees his personality in it again.
Aaron spots her in the window, and smiles while chewing his licorice. She smiles back.
On the Stool, she clarifies, "I guess I...I see my brother again." She puts her hand over her heart at the thought.
Back at the window, Lily's got the cordless. She calls Rick, who asks, "You naked?" Oh, brother. Fully clothed (which is good, since she's been standing in front of the window staring at her brother), she says, "Of course!" and then gets to the real reason she's calling. She wants Rick and the kids to come for dinner that night. He asks if she's sure she wants the kids. "Of course!" she exclaims again. She flops on her bed and looks really pleased when he agrees.
Cut to Grace entering a bustling café, where she cranes her neck in search of someone. Spotting Spencer, she bounds up to his table and says, "Hey!" to the back of his head, just as he's about to sip from his cappuccino. Startled, he ends up with foam on the end of his nose. Which Grace is more than happy to dab off for him. He seems uncomfortable at the attention. She asks how he is, and he jokes that he's "swallowing, without any awareness of the act itself at all, so..." Grace jumps into he seat opposite him and eagerly gets down to business. She pulls out a notebook and says that she finished the article she was talking about. "Only it's weird," she says, "It started being all about me, and..." "And what?" Spencer asks, polishing his glasses. "And it ended up being...all about you," Grace finishes. Spencer sets his glasses back on his nose and looks stunned. He struggles for something to say while Grace blathers that she "felt" him, and she "knew" him. Spencer cuts her off: "Grace! Please stop." Grace looks at him quizzically, with a half smile, and says, "Okaaaay." Spencer's not smiling. He looks over her shoulder, and then glances at her face, but his eyes can't stay there. He drops his gaze to the table, looking up at her only with brief, nervous glances. "Maybe I shouldn't say this," he says quietly, and -- oh my god, Grace, Spencer's about to turn on an industrial heat lamp and melt all your snow, girl! But she doesn't notice that he's fiddling with the cord and jiggling the switch. She just quips, "Well, that hasn't stopped you before." Spencer chuckles half-heartedly, flips on the lamp, and says, "See, I've never...I've never had a girlfriend Grace." She smiles at him and asks, "Is that what I am?" Spencer turns the lamp to its highest setting: "No, no I just meant, we've been um..." Grace pats his hand and says it's okay -- that lots of people haven't had a girlfriend. Spencer's making puddles, fast: "And you say you know me, but -- comic books! See, take comic books. I love 'em, and you don't. And Japanese anime, which I also love, and --" Grace cuts in to ask what he's getting at. Man, here comes the big thaw: "I've never had a girlfriend. And if I ever had, or if I ever do...I don't think it would be you."
Aww, you can just see the air slowly leaking out of Grace. Her face falls, and she just looks at him. Spencer feels the need to explain that she's "too much" for him, that she's "too intense." She reels back and spits, "I'm too intense for you?" Spencer looks like he's trying to melt into the table top and stammers that he just can't handle a girlfriend right now. He says, pleading, "I can't even handle myself right now. I'm too intense for me." Grace gives him an "oh please" smile and looks away, trying hard not to cry. He leans forward and pleads some more, "I need two things." She rolls her eyes back to him and asks what. He replies, "Time. And for you not to be mad at me." He says it's all him, not her. What is he, channeling George Costanza now? (That's three Costanza references, for those of you playing at home.) Grace eyes him with a bit of hope, asking if he's sure it's not even a little bit because of her. He concedes, "Well, maybe a little." And Grace's face looks like it's going to collapse again. Fuck, Spencer, they're called white lies. Look into them. Sometimes they're actually handy. He scrambles to add that it's mostly him, though. Grace tries again to keep from crying, and looks stoically off to the side for a few seconds before grabbing her bag and getting the hell out of there. Don't even look back, Grace. You're too good for this annoying little twerp. Spencer turns his head a little, so that we can see the sad, guilty look on his face.
Meanwhile, Aaron's taking a mental beating in the self-esteem department. He's hunched, head down, over the dining room table, which he's set again. The Nightmare Man just won't leave him alone, and he's saying really mean things: "It's always the same with you. You're just the same always. And what is that?" Aaron lifts his head a little and says, tearfully, "A liar." I can't hear you!" Aaron repeats it, a little louder. Nightmare Man barks, "I can't hear you!" "A liar!" Aaron screams. Nightmare Man keeps grilling Aaron, telling him he'll "never be anything worth a damn. Now say your name." Aaron complies. "Say it louder!" Aaron does. "I can't hear you, so you must be nothing!" Fox should really try to book Nightmare Man for Boot Camp. I'm just saying. Suddenly, Nightmare Man appears, with a spooky, ghostlike sound, and he's standing menacingly behind Aaron. He says something about nothing again, just as Grace throws open the front door. Aaron jumps right out of his chair, and his arm swings out and knocks over the basket of cutlery. He bends to pick up the silverware, muttering that he's sorry, sorry, sorry. Grace rushes over and asks if he's okay. As she helps him pick up the cutlery, she watches his nervous movements and frantic breathing and says, "You're not doing so good, are you?" He straightens up, defensively insisting, "I'm better." Grace asks where Lily is. Aaron says she's shopping, and Grace's voice sinks as she says, "Oh, right. Rick's coming. With his kids." Aaron stands, anxiously repeating, "Rick." Grace assures Aaron that Rick's okay: "He's...large," she laughs. Aaron stands with his arms crossed, looking troubled but fighting to appear calm. Grace says again that Rick's "okay," but her eyes well up and her voice catches. She turns away, and Aaron reaches out, asking, "Are you?" Grace turns to look at him, smiling, but unable to speak because of her tears. "The snow boy," Aaron says gravely. He clenches his fists and makes a "d'oh" face, regretfully saying, "I should have told you. See, snow is a meltable element. You can't keep things made of snow." He rubs his hands and looks at her tenderly, feeling her sadness. Grace takes a shuddering breath, sobs, and throws her arms around him. Aaron is at a loss for a second. He holds his arms straight out, then softens into the hug, slowly wrapping his arms around Grace. Full of wonder, he murmurs, "I've never been asked to do this before." Grace just hugs him tighter and cries into his shoulder. He whispers that he needs something; he needs his medication. I need to grab a sponge to sop up my soaking keyboard. Just a sec.
Okay, I'm back. Grace heads to the kitchen to get Aaron's meds for him, and he staggers over to a chair and sinks into it, gulping for air. Grace asks a couple times how many he needs, but he can't answer. The Nightmare Man materializes to Aaron's right and barks, "Tell her!" Dude, Nightmare Man needs a trip to Club Med or something. He's gray. Aaron shudders out, "Two." Grace flies in from the kitchen with the pills and some water, positioning herself where Nightmare Man was. Thankfully, he's gone now. Aaron gratefully gulps down the meds and asks Grace not to tell Lily. As he sips from the glass, Grace chokes back a sob and brushes at a hair on his forehead. He grabs at her hand and cries that he's sorry, and buries his face against her stomach. She holds his head and lets him cry.
"Why does it have to have spinach in it?" Zoe asks, seated at the island in the kitchen. Lily and Judy buzz around her, trying to get dinner together. Lily asks where Grace is, and then wonders whether they should check on Aaron. Judy volunteers to go. Zoe steers the subject back to spinach. Lily snaps that the recipe calls for it, and that she's the one cooking. Zoe prisses, "Fine, I feel it ruins it, but this kitchen is your property." Lily just stares at her, trying to figure out exactly when Zoe became a sixty-four-year-old woman named Barbara. (Speaking of Babs, I wonder whether she knows about the engagement?)
Judy finds Aaron flopped out on Grace's bed. She gently asks how he's doing, and he rolls over to sit up. She moves to the side of the bed and crouches in front of him. He looks really woozy and wobbly. She asks if he's okay, and he insists that he is. She buttons one of the buttons he missed on his cardigan, and he sighs, "I'm tired, Judy." She registers this and thinks about it a bit before saying, "You know, I think it should just be us tonight." She stops and glances toward the door, where Lily arrives a split second later. Aaron gives Lily a big, bright smile. Judy stands up and quietly says that she thinks it should just be them tonight, and that Rick and the kids can come another night. Lily looks as if Judy's suggesting that they have Rick and the kids for dinner. She points out that they're on their way. "Well, if you don't know his cell phone number by now..." Judy snipes. Lily turns to Aaron, asking whether that's what he wants. He says he wants them to come, but you can tell he just wants to make Lily happy. She suggests that he rest for a while, and says she'll call and tell them to come a little later. He gets up to wash his face, shuffling like an eighty-year-old man. Lily looks over at Judy, who turns her face away in disgust.
Judy and Lily skulk toward Lily's room, bickering in hushed tones over Aaron's condition. Grace appears at the top of the stairs, trying to tell Lily something, but Lily brushes her off. Judy closes the door to Lily's room, as Lily's repeating Shelly's advice to try to need something from Aaron. Judy snaps, "To be like he was?" Lily says she knows he can't be like he was, "But God, Judy, he is so much better!" Judy stonily looks at her, and snarks, "Yeah, but you're pushing him, and he'll pay! Like he needs your crap on top of everything else!" She angrily paces away. Lily stands, agape, then swallows her anger and follows Judy, saying, "I know how devoted you are to him. I know how often you go to see him." "Oh, stop!" Judy spits. She says that Lily's insulting her, but Lily doesn't see how. Judy cuts to the point: "Lily, what do you want?" Lily says that she wants Aaron to be part of her family. "He is!" Judy hisses. Lily says that she knows she hasn't been the perfect sister, and that she wants to make it up to him. "No! You want him to make it up to you!" Judy insists. She claims that Lily wants Aaron to make her feel good about her life, and Rick, and everything, "but that's not his job, Lily. He's sick. He's crazy." Lily snaps that Aaron is her brother, too, and we cut to Soliloquy Lily bitching, "Damn her! This is so who she is! Poor little Judy, when she's really just superior Judy. It's just this manipulative little game she plays. She's always played it." Soliloquy Judy fumes, "God, I hate her! I go see him once a week -- twice a week! She's gone twice, in ten years. Sure it's easy now, the hard part's done. I did it! [mimicking Lily] Oooh, let's have dinner!"
Back in the bedroom, Judy's at the door, ready to leave. Lily turns with a dawning expression and accuses, "You don't want to believe he's better!" Judy turns and spits, "And you don't want to see what's in front of your face!" She glares at Lily and slams out.
Fade into the dining room, where chaos and conversation are swirling around Aaron, who's looking pale and guarded. The kids banter, Grace teases Zoe for asking yet another stupid question, and Lily gripes, "Grace!" Grace mocks her, saying that during dinner, it's like they have a parrot: "Grace! Grace! [squawking] Grace!" While the kids chatter, Aaron, huddles into himself and tries to smile, but it looks like he's really hung over and is trying g not to be sick. Eli offers to grab Aaron a soda, and Nightmare Man pops up to him, growling, "Just look at you." Thankfully, Judy's there to chase Nightmare Man away, as she leans in to ask Aaron a question. Eli reaches over Aaron's shoulder to set down the pop, and Aaron flinches. Jessie offers to grab the salad and while she's gone; Nightmare Man starts in again, his voice echoing and overlapping insults inside Aaron's head. Aaron struggles not to cry, and looks to one side and the other for some peace, but Nightmare Man is everywhere he looks. Finally, Aaron throws his arms over his head and flies out of his chair, just as Jessie's about to set down the salad. The bowl goes flying and Judy races into action, following Aaron into the kitchen, where he's cowering between the fridge and the back door. Judy tells the stunned kids to go upstairs, and Lily and Rick hover in the dining-room doorway, watching as Judy tries to settle Aaron. Judy barks for someone to get his medicine, and then soothingly repeats to Aaron that everything is okay, and that Shelly is going to be there soon. She tries to touch him, but his arms flail out in defense. Judy almost has him quiet again, and tries to touch him again, but this time he starts shouting wildly and throwing his arms around. Rick strides in and moves behind Aaron, grabbing him while Judy shrieks for him not to hurt Aaron. I'm having flashbacks to Jake at Thanksgiving. Thankfully, this maneuver goes better, as Rick just holds Aaron firmly and murmurs soothing words in his ear, until Aaron finally grows quiet and sinks, sobbing, to the floor. Lily cowers in the doorway, tears silently streaming, as she watches helplessly.
Soliloquy Lily remembers that he taught her "which berries and leaves were safe if [she] were ever lost in the forest." She says that he told her the way a bird's wing works, and while she describes "how it lifts, how it flies..." she waves her hand fluidly up and away from her body. The camera follows its "flight."
We fade into Aaron, propped against the back door, gulping from a glass while Judy soothes him, his medication in her hand. He cries and glances at Lily, looking ashamed. She looks back with a mix of love and pity. Rick stands behind her, holding her.
When we return from commercials, Aaron is stretched out on the couch, with Judy and Lily watching over him. Shelly bustles out of the living room, saying that Aaron's okay, and that he'll sleep "a million hours." She asks how Lily's doing. Lily says she's just really tired, and Shelly assures her, "This can wear you out." She glances around distractedly, muttering, "I had a coat." Rick offers it up to her. Shelly then sniffs the air, and hints, "Is that lasagna I smell, or has my medication not kicked in?" Lily chuckles and says it's real, and then she tells Shelly to help herself, there's a ton of it. Judy thanks her for coming, and Shelly responds, "Please! It's Aaron." She adds that she can see he's improved, despite the outburst tonight. "The meds," Lily says. "And other things," Shelly replies, patting her shoulder. Judy walks Shelly out while Lily leans over and covers Aaron with a blanket. "What do you need?" Rick asks Lily. She sighs and suggests that they go for a walk.
As she rounds a street corner, I can't help noticing that Lily is wearing really fugly boots. They make her feet look like Frankenstein's. But I guess she has more important things than footwear on her mind. Soliloquy Lily pops up and shares with us that one of the things she loves about Rick is "how it's okay for him just to be there." They stroll along, and Lily assures Rick that Aaron will be okay. Then she adds that she made things worse. "Looks like you did," he agrees, in a stunning display of backbone, and she tells him that he doesn't have to agree with her. Rick asks, "So you feel guilty?" She says she does, and he agrees, "I would if I were you." Rein it in there, big fella, or that spine's going to get you in trouble. Lily says that he's one to talk. "What, me and my brother?" Rick asks. "At least I talk to mine," Lily says. "At least mine's sane," Rick counters. I'm not sure why, but they both think this is funny. Lily starts to say that she made it worse, that she wanted Aaron.... Rick cuts her off, saying that he'll make her a deal: "When we're married, you solve my problems with my brother, and I'll solve yours with yours." Lily thinks that sounds fair. Rick asks her how she screwed up with Aaron. She explains that her life has just been such a mess that she "needed him to get better for [her], to give [her] hope for [her] life." Rick says, "You were wrong." "About Aaron?" Lily asks. Rick explains, "About hope. Where it comes from." Lily ponders this for a second, and then gives a self-deprecating half eye roll, saying, "From me." She nods and shrugs and repeats, "From me." Rick just looks at her like, Bingo! "Damn!" Lily mutters.
Aaron stirs on the couch when they come in, and Lily crouches to him. "I'm trying, Lily," he says feebly. Lily smiles tenderly and says, "No, don't Aaron. Just be here with us. However you are. 'Cause I'm doing better, Aaron. Don't worry about me." He smiles, and she tucks the blanket under his chin. And I'm crying. Again. Some more.
Cut to Lily washing her hands. "Mom?" Lily looks up into the mirror and sees Grace standing in the doorway. Lily admonishes that it's one o'clock. Grace corrects her that it's 12:49. Lily says that Grace has to try to sleep, and that "between all this and the hostage-taking, [she's] amazed [Grace] is in one piece!" Grace finds this funny, and she giggles while Lily sprays lotion over both their hands. As they rub it in, Grace asks if "this stuff" really works. Lily quips that she's actually a hundred and two -- but don't tell Rick. Grace suddenly looks like she's going to cry and blurts, "Mom, I knew! I came home, and I knew he was sick, but he asked me not to tell you." Lily stops Grace from blaming herself, saying, "It was me. I wanted him to be something for me that he can't be." A flash of realization shoots through Grace's eyes. "That can hurt so much," she mutters. Lily looks at her quizzically and asks whether everything is all right with Spencer. "Spencer is insane, Mom," Grace says, then catches herself and adds, "No disrespect to Uncle Aaron." Grace says that they'll talk about it, "in the morning, maybe." She pads off down the hallway, but then stops, turns, and says, "You're a good sister, Mom. I just thought you should know that before you went to sleep." Tears spring to Lily's eyes -- and mine, of course -- but she smiles through them. She bids Grace good night as the strains of Leonard Cohen's "Sisters of Mercy" start up in the background. Oh, good. Forgive any typos, folks, because I can't seem to see the keyboard anymore.
Leonard sings right into the morning, as the camera pans into Grace's room, where Aaron is sitting on the bed, clutching his suitcase to his chest, and glumly resting his chin on it. He stands and starts to walk out, as we fade to Soliloquy Lily, who just stares at us looking sad, and yet strong. Aaron descends the stairs, where Grace and Zoe are waiting for him on the first landing. Zoe hands him his earflap hat, and Grace reaches up and strokes his cheek. He moves past them down the stairs, hugging the hat to his face. He disappears out of the shot, but Grace and Zoe stand and wave, smiling through their tears.
The camera pans around Soliloquy Judy, revealing that Judy's to her. They look at one another, smile a little, and Judy rests her head on Lily's shoulder.
We fade to Aaron getting into Judy's car. He pauses before climbing in, and smiles at Lily, who's waiting on the sidewalk. She smiles and waves. Aaron strains around Judy to keep smiling and waving at Lily as the car pulls away. Lily waves back, taking a deep breath.
We fade back to the Soliloquy Room, where Aaron has taken a seat between his sisters. He smiles easily at each of them, and then looks directly into the camera for the first time. Judy puts her head on his shoulder, while Lily stares off.
And I'm off to find some tea bags or cucumber slices so I don't scare the neighbors with the puffy eyes I've got rocking. Damn, that episode was so hard, but so worth it.