Is this the only show that doesn't have a short lead-in before the opening sequence? It still catches me off-guard. So the new credits abruptly roll, and I'm happy to report that Miles and Crusty appear to be permanent fixtures, as the actors who play them are listed. Love them or hate them, they're recapping gold, baby. We get a montage of some of the show's most touching or memorable moments, ending with last season's final shot -- Lily and the girls opening the door for Rick and his kids as they're about to have their first dinner together.
We come back from commercial to find Lily in the kitchen making sandwiches. She glances up with a distracted look in her eye as we hear Zoe say, "Mom?" Zoe and Jessie, arms around one another, skip into the kitchen, and Jessie asks if they can have a lemonade stand after school. They want to save up for a CD player for their room. Everybody's beaming. Rick strolls in and musses up the girls' hair, telling them, "Let's go you little monsters." They squeal while the adults exchange a come-hither look over their heads, and Lily arches her back a little. Yeah, this is surreal. It's like Brady Bunch got dropkicked into the new millennium: everyone is smiling way too much, and they're way too happy, but there's no sign of Alice or bell-bottoms. Rick asks what's for lunch, and the girls giggle that it's not for him. Eli strolls in, calling over his shoulder for Grace to hurry up or he's leaving without her. "Sure you will," she says, coming around the corner and beaming that same slightly creepy, invasion-of-the-body-snatchers smile everyone else is sporting. She throws her arms around Eli's neck, and the two start kissing with tongue. Technically not incest, but ew. Okay, stop. We cut to Lily's radiant smile, which fades as she registers that the two are getting along way better than any two stepsiblings have a right to. Cut to Rick, looking away, with the girls making icky faces through their smiles. Back to Eli and Grace. Really, stop it. Back to Lily, looking as though she's about to drop to the floor and start shaking. We hear a low rumble in the background, and Lily gives her head a little shake, and suddenly we're back to reality. So to speak.
So that, folks, was the big shocking surprise ABC promised. After pulling my socks back on, I dash off a quick note to ABC's Marketing and Programming Departments:
Dear Clueless,Having just sat through your less than wowza "shocker," I cannot believe that you lured me again with false promises and inflated teasers. When you relied on this trick at least ten times last season, I let it go. It's a new show, I told myself; they feel they have to draw in viewers with hints of racy Springer-esque stories. Now, however, I'm convinced that someone in your department simply needs to grow up. The joke isn't funny anymore, and I think more than a few of us are starting to resent the old bait and switch. The show is good, okay? People will come if you just let it be. Quit insulting the show and its viewers, and while you're at it, pick a night to air it, and leave it on that night. I'm sure, with the Regis-a-riffic schedule you've concocted, there must be a little flexibility in there to shuffle the four other shows you air. Pick a night for this fine show, and fill in the cracks with Millionaire. Or are you trying to lose viewers?
Sincerely,
niki
Lily glances around the kitchen with a disturbed look on her face as Grace and Zoe enter, bitching about some Monopoly game they're playing. Zoe accuses Grace of cheating and moving the pieces, while Grace vehemently denies it. Bitch, bitch, snit, snit. Ah, this is more like it, isn't it? Apparently it's the first day of school, since Lily admonishes them to stop or they'll be late. Grace points out that Jake isn't even there yet to pick them up. A horn honks, and Lily shoots Grace an I-told-you-so sneer.
Cut to Rick's place, where naturally, the same essential scene is unfolding. Because he and Lily must lead parallel lives. It's in their soulmates contract somewhere. Rick hollers for the kids to hurry up, and from the kitchen counter, Jessie snaps that she is. She looks a little uneasy...
...And we cut to B/W Rick. Welcome back, man, it's been too long. Wait, what am I saying? More like, nice to have you back as long as you're willing to contribute something to the class. He admits that it's harder for him to see Jessie troubled than Eli because he knows that things will roll off Eli's back. Jessie, he's not so sure about. He says that "any shadow on that face...it just...slays me."
Back in the kitchen, Rick assures Jessie that "it's all right; anybody would be nervous." But Jessie fervently denies being anxious. Eli enters just in time to refute that, telling Rick that Jessie spent two hours the night before trying to decide what to wear. Eli blows back out of the kitchen, saying, "I don't know what you're worried about; no one pays attention to freshmen anyways." Awww, he always knows just what to say, doesn't he?
B/W Rick admits that he's "always looking for the things that'll throw her, and [he's] not helping her -- [he] knows that."
Rick strolls out of the kitchen, saying over his shoulder, "Honey, it's going to be great. Just maybe not the first day." Karen's just come through the door, and she wants to know "what's not going to be great." Eli chimes in, "Jessie's freaking out about high school." From the kitchen, Jessie steams, "I'm gonna kill you! I am not freaking out." And with a tempered, reasoned response such as that, who would doubt her? Karen pipes up that she's freaking out (but when isn't she, really?) about Jessie going to high school, and Rick says that he's freaking out about Jessie going to high school, and niki admits that she's freaking out about Jessie going to high school, and everyone in the forums adds that they're freaking out about Jessie going to high school. But I suspect the former are freaking out for different reasons than the latter, since the former actually know (we presume) why Jessie is starting high school when she was only in grade seven last year. Jessie looks at her parents' earnest faces, shakes her head in disgust, and resumes tying her shoelaces.
Meanwhile, Jessie's the topic of conversation back at the Manning ranch, too. Zoe wants to know if Grace has classes with her. Grace, entirely insulted, wants to know why she'd "have classes with a ninth grader." Jake breezes in the back door, sporting a longer haircut that just doesn't do anything for him. But then, you should see mine right now, so who am I to judge? Grace asks, "Can we not go to school?" as she gives daddy a big hug. Jake pulls out his standard response to the question we've heard before: "Sure, you can come work in the restaurant." He then lists the worst chores they can imagine, and the girls cave. Jake segues into the restaurant's actual business, asking them to guess who's coming in that night. And adding that, by the way, he can't take the kids. That gets Lily's attention, and she looks up with visible irritation from the lunch she's packing and asks, "What?" As usual, Jake's sporting his Lily Ears, which allow him to tune out her whining and sniping at will, and he proceeds to tell them that the restaurant critic from the Chicago Tribune will be there. He's not supposed to know, but he got a heads-up. Lily announces that he has plans for that night. And it's not like her financial situation is at all connected to the success of the restaurant, so why wouldn't snogging Rick be more important? Grace points out that she's old enough to sit. Zoe agrees, and so does Jake. Lily's first instinct is to protest, but then she thinks better of it (maybe she got her stop valve fixed during the hiatus?) and agrees that it's "not a problem." But she doesn't sound totally convinced.
"Houston, we have a problem," Lily says. (Ba-dum-bum.) She's called Rick from her office. Rick emits a groan. "I know, me too," Lily answers. Apparently, she speaks fluent sexual frustration. He asks what's up, and she tells him that Jake can't take the kids. "Tell me," Rick purrs, seeming not to have heard what she just said. "Oh, not here," Lily says into her headset while glancing over her shoulder. "I saved myself for you while I was away," Rick confesses. Lily is flattered and asks, "Really?" "Well, I thought of you while I didn't," Rick admits. He what -- thought of her while he was with someone else? While he yanked the Rick Stick (shout out to Mr. Uncle Bob)? Whatever, man, it's more than I ever needed to know. And really, don't discuss these things at work. Rick asks if she saved herself for him. "It's not the same without you," Lily evades by stating the obvious. "I'm comin' over tonight after your kids are asleep," Rick growls. "What's not the same?" Crusty asks from behind Lily. Lily gasps and spins around to find her boss smiling expectantly at her while holding a fuzzy pencil. "Oh, just something someone was saying," Lily says. "Oh, hi Rick!" Crusty chirps. Wait a minute. What have you done with Crusty? Where is she? Why doesn't she want to know why Lily's having phone sex with her boyfriend instead of rushing around doing her bidding? Why has she suddenly changed her mind and decided that she does want to know about Lily's private life? And most importantly, where are the fangs and claws? Crusty, what have they done to you?
Meanwhile, in the Den for Men a.k.a. Rick's office, David's sidled up behind Rick just as Rick sing-songs, "Hi Christie." "Is that Christie?" David sighs. "When am I going to meet Rick?" Crusty asks Lily. Okay, something is definitely rotten in Denmark. "When am I going to meet Christie?" David asks, parking his ass on Rick's desk.
And suddenly, we're all rushed back to grade seven. Lily passes on Crusty's question, and Rick says she can come tonight, after the kids are in bed. David's pervy senses are tingling. "Oooh, I like this Christie," he breathes, stretching languidly on Rick's desk. "Shut up!" Lily chirps to Rick. "Shut up," Rick orders David. Crusty grins like a simpering fool (nope, definitely no fangs in there), asking, "Well? What did he say?" "He said he can't wait to meet you," Lily lies. "He said something dirty, didn't he?" Crusty asks knowingly. She mock shouts at the phone, "Rick, Lily says you're cute!" At Rick's end, David leans in and says, "Ask Lily if she thinks Christie's cute." Now there's a loaded question. Lily turns and tells Crusty that she'll be right in. "Oh, you want me to mind my business, is that is?" Crusty twitters. She gives a tight little beauty-queen wave, still grinning hugely, and says, "Bye Rick!" before blowing a kiss at the phone. It must've been her meds day. Anyway, Rick then asks if Lily thinks that Crusty is cute. "Everyone in their twenties is cute," Lily answers before getting back to the business at hand. Rick pauses to cover the mouthpiece and levels David with a pointed stare. David miraculously takes the hint, peels himself off Rick's desk, and slinks away. Once the coast is clear, Rick asks about their plans for the night. With a sly smile, Lily informs him that they'll go to dinner, she'll put the girls to bed..."And I'll come back when they're asleep?" Rick suggests. "One day, maybe, we won't have to sneak around anymore," Lily says wistfully before ending the conversation. If it's anything like that wishful-thinking scene at the beginning, I'd prefer it if they kept sneaking around. David's been lurking, waiting for Rick to hang up so he can ask if Crusty is cute. "You'll never know," Rick says with a smile.
Cut to a high-school stairwell. The bell's ringing, kids are being rowdy, and a couple of jostling jocks knock into Jessie as she tries to make her way down the stairs. She turns into a corridor and finds herself faced with couples making out and cliques on the move. She lowers her head, casts her eyes to the floor, and crosses her arms defensively. She looks so tiny and alone amid all the full-blown adolescents.
Cue B/W Jessie, right on time. She says that, in high school, you're supposed to be "older -- that's the whole point. If you're not older, then why be there?"
Back to the crowded hallway, where lone little Jessie tries to make her way past clumps of bigger and intimidating kids. Her discomfort is palpable. Anyone else having flashbacks? I just had to hit pause and remind myself that it isn't real, and I'm not back in that bad, bad place. Deep breaths, deep breaths. God, do I know how this kid feels. Not that I was unpopular or picked on, but I was so shy and so terrified of all the new people at high school, that I was literally sick after school every day for the first two weeks. Then they crowned me Miss Grade Nine at orientation (sadly, I'm not kidding), and since I could never be more mortified than that, I relaxed. I still hated high school, but at least I wasn't physically ill about it anymore. But enough about me.
B/W Jessie continues breaking my heart: "You're supposed to have a body. And you're supposed to know how to talk to boys. You're supposed to know what to wear."
Back in the hallway, Jessie passes Grace hanging with a couple of other girls. A familiar face in a swirling mass of intimidation, someone who'll acknowledge her presence and make her feel visible, human...
B/W Jessie continues: "But you're supposed to know all that before you get there. So...how's that supposed to work?"
Jessie and Grace get closer, as Grace chats away to her friends. Jessie casts a hopeful glance at Grace, then drops her eyes to the floor, back to Grace, then to the floor. They pass one another, and Grace gives Jessie a tight, forced half-smile. Jessie, disappointed, glances over her shoulder, then lowers her head and continues walking, looking as lost and miserable as a wet stray puppy.
Grace's friends want to know who that was. "Nobody," Grace answers. "She was staring at you like she knows you," snots one of the friends. Grace confesses that Jessie is her mother's boyfriend's daughter. "Well at least my dad's girlfriends are too young to have kids in high school," says the other girl. They round the corner and discover a girl beating the shit out of a vending machine because it ate her dollar. She's supposed to be a rebel, I think. Grace and her friends pause and look a little nervous at the sight of her kicking the machine. "This thing ate my dollar," the stringy-haired girl complains before asking one of Grace's friends for a dollar. Oooh, she's bold, breakin' all the rules! When Grace's friend declines, the girl complains that if she doesn't "get caffeine, [she'll] never make it through World Civ," while rolling her eyes and puffing out her lips. I think she must've studied Angelina Jolie in Girl Interrupted to prepare for this role. And she's even more annoying, if that's possible. (Nothing against Ms. Jolie, it was the character I loathed.) She turns her attention to Grace, stating, "You're Grace. You dated that cute black guy." "S-s-sort of," Grace stutters. "Then you broke up," G.I. Jolie says. "I guess so," Grace answers. "Ya got a dollar?" Grace fishes around for one and then hands it to G.I. Jolie. The girl feeds it into the machine and gets no action. They watch her attack the machine again, their faces a mix of fear and admiration for the crazy girl in the army-fatigue skirt. "Son of a bitch!" G.I. Jolie yells before landing one last punch on the hapless machine and then walking away. She jams her finger into the coin return of a pay phone. 'Cause she's a rebel. A rebel without a dollar. "She's really nice for someone who just got out of rehab," one of Grace's friends notes. Grace's face falls a little.
It's later that night, and we're in Lily's foyer as she's thanking Rick for dinner. Zoe clings to the banister, watching them. Grace emerges from the kitchen in time to see Lily's "boy am I tired" charade. Rick tells them to put her to bed and then departs. But not before he remembers to mention Jessie starting at Grace's high school. Grace feigns enthusiasm, but she looks like she just swallowed a fly. "It helps to know somebody in a new school, that's for sure," Rick adds. Where the hell is Eli going to school? Maybe they could slip in a B/W session to explain that. After Rick leaves, Zoe asks, apropos of nothing, "Have you ever slept over at Rick's?" Lily pauses a moment before answering, then decides that honesty is the best tactic. She says she has, but not when his kids have been there. question, obviously: has Rick ever slept over there when the kids have been at Jake's? Lily says he hasn't, but he might someday. She asks if that would be strange. Zoe says she guesses so, but she'd get used to it. Lily asks Grace how she'd feel about it. "Whatever, mom," is the completely useless reply. Grace heads upstairs with a stack of books, while Lily ushers Zoe off to bed.
Rick climbs into his truck, adjusts his ass on the seat a few times, then settles back and falls asleep. We get that he's anxious and eager to get laid.
Lily emerges from Zoe's bedroom, where the coast is now clear, and heads over to Grace's room. Grace is lying on her bed with a textbook open in front of her. Lily encourages her to blow off her homework 'til the morning, because Grace really needs to sleep. Translation: mommy really needs to sleep. With her boyfriend. Grace resists Lily's suggestions, and Lily steps away from the door, telling Grace to go to sleep soon. She glances frantically at her watch then makes a motion like she's tearing her hair out. We get that Lily is anxious and needs to get laid.
Cut to a profile of Rick in his truck, head thrown back, mouth open, snoring lightly. His cell phone rings, jarring him awake. It's Lily. Operation Boogie Night is a go. She tells him that the coast is clear. "What coast?" he asks. I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a joke, or if he's just really groggy. "Oh, shut up and get your ass in here," Lily orders playfully. Lily said "ass." I think that's a sign that things are going to get a little kooky. The instant Rick comes through the door, they're rushing to the couch and pulling off clothes, giggling and making weird sharp breathing sounds. They glance towards the stairs and Lily wonders, "Oh, why did I suggest this?" "'Cause you're a bad girl," Rick answers, tossing her down on the couch. I toss down a cool one, because I sense I'm going to need it. Yep: smoochy, smoochy, groan, groan, Rick falls off the couch. Ha. More loud breathing, smoochy-smoochy, gasp, groan, oh! Black screen. Pan up from the couch to four bare feet to entwined torsos and blissfully sleeping faces. Rick mutters that he should go. Lily drowsily begs him not to. He insists that he has to. Lily breathes that she loves him, and he says the same. And then they promptly fall back to sleep. Uh-oh!
Cut to the same scene, only this time the pair is bathed in morning light. The plucky little guitars start, so we all know that This Is Funny. Lily's eyes fly open, she looks at her watch in horror, then darts of the couch, furiously gathering clothes. She's trying to rouse Rick, but he's slow to stir. She shoves him off the couch. She's muttering that it's 6:30, 6:30..."How'd it get to be 6:30?" Rick asks. Zoe's voice calls to Lily from the top of the stairs. Lily shoves Rick's clothes into his hand and shepherds him into the dining room as Zoe descends the stairs. Lily's pulling on her dress and wiping at her smeared make-up and tugging at her hair as she rushes to meet Zoe at the bottom of the stairs. Zoe wants to know why Lily is dressed already. Lily says she has early meetings. Zoe points out that it's the same dress Lily was wearing the day before. Lily insists that she really likes it. Zoe wants to know if Lily bought waffles. Aha! An escape route! Lily ushers Zoe into the kitchen to start the waffles, then spins around to Rick. She tries to escort him to the door, which is only twenty short feet away, but Grace comes to the top of the stairs. Rick ducks behind the dining room wall. The plucky guitars keep playing, so we know that This Is Still Funny. Lily races to meet Grace and nudges her away from the dining room. The coast looks clear so Rick makes a move. Grace pops out, so Rick ducks back. The coast is clear, so Rick makes another move. Both kids come out. Lily physically drags them back to the kitchen, and it becomes clear that Three's Company this ain't, and no amount of alcohol is going to convince me otherwise. When the coast is finally clear, Rick makes a dash for freedom. He makes it to the door just as Jake, reigning King of Bad Timing, is about to ring the bell. Since when has Jake been trained to ring before entering? Jake seems pleasantly surprised to see Rick, who's like a deer caught in headlights. Jake traps Rick into some small talk, which of course gives the kids just enough time to come charging from the kitchen. Busted. Wah-wah...
Returning from commercials, we find Lily and the girls in the kitchen, where Zoe's asking if they slept in Lily's bedroom. Lily tells her they "didn't sleep anywhere." Whoa, tiger, I don't think the nine-year-old needs to know all that. Lily's story is that she and Rick accidentally fell asleep on the couch; he didn't mean to sleep over. Attention turns to the Monopoly game spread out on the kitchen table, and the girls engage in a hearty round of bickering. Zoe leaves to brush her teeth, and Lily approaches Grace to try and explain what happened. Lily stammers that Rick would never intentionally stay over without them running it past the girls first, to make sure it was okay. Grace cuts Lily off, giving her the "talk to the hand" gesture (do people still do that?) and saying, "It so doesn't matter." Lily pauses then sits down and adopts a soft tone, telling Grace that it does matter, and that Grace needs to know that Lily understands what it means to them when she brings a man into the house. Grace gets exasperated, saying, "You're going to do what you need to do, and it's really okay with me, but please don't act like you're giving me some big say in it." Grace stands, grabbing her uneaten waffles. Lily looks like Grace just might have pooted before she blew out of the room.
Cut to Rick's office, where David, ever the man of depth, is asking Rick if he wears boxers or briefs. "Shut up, it was horrible," Rick says. So, David wasn't just asking because he was curious. At least there's context. David then asks "what they were wearing." Hello, they're kids? Joke's not funny, man. "What was Jake wearing?" he asks . Okay, I smirked. But it doesn't mean I hate him any less. The receptionist hollers that Lily's on line one. "Hello Lily. Good-bye Lily," David intones. He gathers some plans and walks away. Rick asks for the "damage report." Lily informs him that maybe one of her daughters is still speaking to her. Lily supposes that it could've been worse, and Rick supplies, "Yeah, like if they'd come down about an hour before." "Oh, don't even go there," Lily groans. Okay, how many Ricki Lake reruns have the writers been watching? They really need to be cut off. Rick suggests that, in the grander scheme of things, maybe getting caught isn't as bad as it seems. Maybe it's forced them to do something they'd been "too chicken" to do. Rick says he knows they "need to respect [the kids'] feelings and prepare them for any possible change in [their] situation, but maybe the way to do that is to just start doing it." Hold up just a minute, please. Last time we saw these two, all those months ago, their kids were meeting for the first time. And now they're talking "possible changes in their situation"? Brakes, people. Apply them, please. Rick suggests they just go for the gusto and suddenly be totally honest. He tells Lily to tell the girls that he's sleeping over Thursday night. Lily says she can't. "You're still thinking about what happened when we came over for pizza." And that would be what? Background please. Details. Rick says it "wasn't a disaster." Lily says she knows, "but they were all so uncomfortable." And, naturally, the way to make them comfortable is to have Rick suddenly start spending the night. Lily says she's "not avoiding what needs to happen," but Rick says he thinks she is. The receptionist interrupts to tell Rick that Karen is on line two. Rick tells Lily to hang on a minute, "Karen just has to tell [him] something [he] did wrong." "Shut up!" Lily laughs. Maybe it's the sleep deprivation. Karen, in fact, doesn't want to give Rick shit, she just wants to know if he can pick up Jessie after school. Eli took Karen's car, and his SAT classes are that night (so he is still in high school....but where?), so he'll be late, and she's stuck downtown. Rick can't, though, because he has a meeting with the wonderfully prickly Miles Drentell. Rick tells Karen to hold on and clicks back to Lily to inform her that he's "trapped in divorced parent logistics hell." She volunteers to pick up Jessie. Rick asks, "Can you do that? Is that allowed?" "Look who's chicken now," Lily teases. Rick agrees, and they cement their kids into yet another uncomfortable and unexpected situation. Rick tells Karen that it's all taken care of.
At school, Jessie's walking that longest mile -- the cafeteria. She's looking for somewhere to sit, but everyone's already settled into their cliques, chatting amicably and laughing. Grace is sitting with her friends and G.I. Jolie, who plunks a CD on the table and then announces that she stole it. Oooh, she's bad. And she keeps pushing out her lips, thinking, I guess, that she somehow looks more like her role model that way. She doesn't. Jessie's still looking for a seat, her face stony but her eyes betraying her discomfort. She sits at the end of a table where a couple of skinny, geeky-looking boys are eating. They inform her that the seat is taken. It's gotta be a burn, because there's no way these two have enough friends to fill that big ol' table. Poor Jessie, evicted, grits her teeth and wanders Cafeteria Row again, looking, looking...G.I. Jolie is still blathering on about something not interesting -- man she's annoying -- while Jessie walks. G.I. Jolie starts talking about the King Lear production Grace was in last year, trying to sound deep with proclamations such as, "Shakespeare always makes me cry. It's so weird. Each person is like this vessel of pain." Oh, shut up Pretentious McPouty. Especially since Shakespeare also wrote comedies. Grace spots Jessie, and notices her unease.
B/W Grace says, smiling, that no one talked to her the first three weeks of class, not even the teachers. It was like she "wasn't even there."
Remembering what it was like, Grace glances at Jessie again.
B/W Grace continues: "I used to come home every day and lie on my bed and cry. That feels like so long ago."
Grace does a decent thing and offers Jessie a seat at their table, which she gratefully accepts.
"Grace?" asks B/W Jessie. "She's okay, I mean, I don't really know her. She's supposed to be a good soccer player, which is kind of intimidating, because I was thinking of going out for soccer. Course, she could teach me stuff." Yes she could, in some alternate universe where you're not her mother's boyfriend's daughter and she doesn't resent your presence.
Back at the table, Grace resumes the conversation she'd been having with her friends, saying, "My father wants me to live with him, too." Interesting. I wonder if Lily knows about this? G.I. Jolie launches into yet another speech about herself, staring straight ahead and bemoaning all the problems involved with living with her father, who is a bigger slob than she is, and whom she has to clean up after like she's his wife. Excuse me? This is 2000, sister, and we haven't had to clean up after our husbands (or boyfriends, or whatever) for a couple of decades now. You may think you're fooling people with that bad-ass rebel shtick, but honey, you don't even have a clue. Grace pipes up that she has "issues" with her father anyway. Nice continuity -- I'm glad the writers didn't let that slip away. "My father could never live by himself," one friend adds, while another gripes, "My father's never cooked a meal in his life." Wow, every kid at this table is dealing with split parents. Is divorce really that widespread? Doesn't anybody ever stay together anymore? Jessie smiles as the girls banter about their fathers, and she looks like she may want to contribute something, but she can't bring herself to pipe up. Grace says she wants to hear the CD that bad-ass shoplifted, but where? G.I. Jolie suggests the language lab, with the mocking question, "You don't go there to study do you?" Did I mention that she's irritating? You're a bad girl, you don't give a shit about the rules, we get it. Jessie watches with a lost look as the girls grab their stuff and head for the lab without so much as a backward glance, and she is alone again. She props her head sadly on her hand and stares disinterestedly at her tray.
"I always wondered what it would be like to have a sister," B/W Jessie says with a smile. "You know, sharing clothes or whatever. Just someone to save you from being a total geek." Grace may not be the answer you're seeking, little one.
Cut to Jessie walking out into the sunshine at the end of the day. As she walks, Grace swings onto the sidewalk ahead of her, calling out to someone off-screen. Jessie holds back for a minute to let Grace get a safe distance ahead of her. "Hey Grace!" Lily calls. She waves Grace over to the Explorer (I should start charging Ford for this, or something) and spots Jessie a few paces back. She tells Jessie that Karen can't make it, so Jessie is supposed to come with her instead. Grace, caught between them, looks distinctly uncomfortable, and Jessie squirms a little too. That's okay, though, because Zoe comes popping out of the Explorer with enough enthusiasm for all of them. She waves excitedly at Jessie, ignoring Grace, and then brushes past Grace to grab Jessie's arm. Heh. She's cute.
Cut to Lily's office, where the girls are arranged in front of computers. When the girls are settled, Lily offers to bring them a snack or drink. Grace gets a cappuccino, Zoe wants pretzels, and Jessie doesn't want anything. (For those of you keeping track, that's one reference to not having a body, one uneaten lunch, and one refused snack...make of it what you will). Lily apparently has been watching Deadline, as she employs Wallace Benton's famed research methodology: she gets the kids to do it for her while she heads off to procure their goodies. Of course, Benton usually wanders off to procure a drink, but still. Zoe and Jessie dive into the Internet, while Grace decides to try out G.I. Jolie's Pretentious McPouty routine, launching a tirade against computers and saying how "bored" she is with them. Because bored is the affectation of choice for the wannabe rebel, these days. Jessie and Zoe watch her rant, and then Jessie nervously admits that she likes email. Grace concedes that email is all right. Zoe sees her chance: she asks for Jessie's email address. Grace immediately warns Jessie against giving it to Zoe, saying, "She'll put you on her buddy list and bug you every time you log on." Zoe vehemently refutes the accusation, but she knows Grace has her number. Oh, and can I just point out that the barrette misuse has now trickled down the family tree? Zoe is sporting a pair of them now, in the same misguided fashion that Grace was wont to do last season. Of course, Zoe is nine, so she doesn't really know any better. Getting back to it: Crusty rounds the corner and sees the kids sitting there. She's a little taken aback, but instead of unsheathing those killer claws, she just smiles and acts friendly. She goes so far as to introduce herself to them. It's unsettling, really. And she's not much fun to ridicule anymore, either. Lily returns with the goodies and passes them around, and Crusty (really, if she keeps up this nice-guy crap, I'm going to have to give her a new nickname. This is serious) gives Lily a mock guilt trip for not bringing her anything. Lily responds appropriately: "Your wish is my command." The smile this statement elicits has a trace of the old Crusty in it, but alas, it doesn't go anywhere. Grace seems to enjoy her mother's mini-grovel, smirking to herself as the scene ends.
Cut to Grace and Zoe in Grace's room, later that night. Grace is working on homework while Zoe does leg exercises on the bed. It should be interesting, if that eating-disorder-Jessie storyline does materialize, to see what its effects will be on Zoe, since she's the one so obsessed with body image at her tender age. Anyway, she's stretching away and says, "You could have been nicer." Grace insists she was "perfectly nice." "I really wanted her email address," Zoe says. Grace assures Zoe that she'll have plenty of chances to get it, "if Mom has her way." "Really? I think that's cool." Zoe responds. "Well you would," Grace says.
Cut to Jessie flopped on Eli's bed while he jabs away at his guitar. "How do you know she doesn't like you?" he asks. Because, not only do Rick and Lily need to lead tandem lives, their offspring must also. He adds that Jessie doesn't think anyone likes her. "I'm serious," she insists. Eli says that he is, too. Jessie says that Grace won't even talk to her, and Eli suggests that Grace may be shy. "You think so?" Jessie asks hopefully. Eli says no. He tells Jessie not to worry about it, even if Grace doesn't like her, since they won't have to spend much time together once Rick moves in with Lily. Jessie is horrified at the suggestion, but Eli just laughs. Jessie wonders why it can't just be them, and Eli basically tells her to bugger off so he can practice.
Cut to Rick in his bedroom, on the phone with Lily in hers. "Did they?" Rick asks as Jessie approaches his door. Lily, smiling widely, informs him of how well the girls got along that afternoon. Jessie goes for a full-on eavesdrop and listens as Rick suggests that they "get them together more often." Grace, continuing the tandem ride, pokes her head around Lily's door to say goodnight, then opts to eavesdrop rather than going to bed. The two parents try to figure out a good night, while the kids listen with dread. Grace and Jessie creep off down their respective hallways as Lily and Rick hang up.
We return from commercials to find Karen in her kitchen, on the phone with Rick. He's calling to let her know he has to pick up something Jessie forgot. A nanosecond later, he's knocking on her door. Karen hands him Jessie's shin pads, and the two stand awkwardly in the doorway. Rick hesitantly asks if it's okay for him to take the kids the night. Karen looks a little thrown but agrees. It comes out that Rick made plans to take the kids to Lily's for dinner, and Karen reacts with a studied nonchalance. Rick turns to go, and Karen stops him. She tells him that she knows Lily picked up Jessie from school, "which is perfectly fine," but Rick said that he was going to do it. Rick says he simply said he'd take care of it, and he did. Karen rolls her eyes, raises her arms, and shakes her head. "I just don't understand why you have to lie to me," she says, and starts pacing a tiny, frustrated loop. Rick insists he didn't lie and suggests that if Karen has a problem with Lily picking up the kids, she should just say so. Karen folds her arms defensively across her chest and says she knows that Rick is "obviously very involved with this woman, and that's is fine, it's just that [she's] thinking about the kids." Implying, of course, that Rick isn't. And did anyone notice how insistent she was that everything about Rick dating Lily is "fine"? Methinks the lady doth not protest enough. I suspect she's jealous and fighting hard not to show it. Karen says she knows there's bound to be some miscommunication in all of this, so she just wants them to be as clear and honest as possible. Rick's face softens, as he realizes the expected lecture isn't going to materialize after all. "I can do that," he says, like a chastened boy. "And we can just...drop it," Karen says, sheepishly, looking down. Her arms are still crossed, but her steam's gone. Rick leaves with no further adieu, and Karen slowly closes the door after him, looking weary.
Cut to Cafeteria Row. Different day, same story. Grace watches as Jessie searches for a seat. G.I. Jolie disinterestedly informs the gang that the food is made with motor oil, and they're going to give off fumes after they eat. They laugh like she's Janeane Garofalo. She's not. Grace then asks her when her parents got divorced, and G.I. Jolie starts regaling the gang with yet another jaded, world-weary tale. She's wearing a work shirt -- the kind with the embroidered name patch over the pocket -- because she's supposed to look tough, but the thing is brand new. Sorry, but it's just not bad-ass to sit at home, deliberately sewing a patch with someone else's name onto your shirt. Yes, I'm a used-clothing snob. It's part of the pedigree. Anyway, G.I. Jolie goes on about her father's seemingly endless stream of wives, including "Psycho Cindy." As a result of his busy lifestyle, G.I. Jolie has "steps, halves, half-steps." The last one is a new one for Grace, so G.I. Jolie sighs and explains it means her father's wife had step-kids from a marriage and they still act like they're her kids. G.I. Jolie (has anyone actually said her name yet? If they did, I missed it) changes the subject to tell them about a house-wrecking party that night. The place is going to be destroyed anyway, so a bunch of kids are going over to have a little fun smashing things beforehand. Grace flushes and says it "sounds great." Oh, and if any of you didn't figure it out yet, G.I. Jolie is a bad influence. She's going to drag Grace down, baby.
Cut to Grace at home, approaching Lily to ask permission to go the wrecking party. Lily says no, because she invited Rick and his kids for dinner. Grace is unimpressed. She says they just saw them, and demands to know if this is the way it's going to be now, if they have to see them every night. "It's just for one night!" Lily says, surprised by Grace's reaction. "And yesterday, it was just for one day," Grace retorts. Lily puts on her soothing voice and starts talking to Grace about how tough it is for kids...But Grace cuts her off, basically telling Lily not to insult her with that lip-service. Oh, god, I am having flashbacks to me and my own mother, ten years ago. We had this very conversation, over and over again. Grace takes a breath and says, quite reasonably, "It's fine. They can come over, and I'll go out with Carla." Aha! So G.I. Jolie does have a name. Good, I was getting sick of typing the other one. "You'll have your life, and I'll have mine," Grace concludes. Lily puts the kibosh on that plan by informing Grace that she's part of a family. Grace retorts, "And you want me to stay with the little kids and go upstairs and play games or baby-sit, and I don't want to do that." Grace squares her shoulders and informs Lily that she's not going to be there later. Lily looks like she's swallowing a bug and says, "Well, I'm sorry, but you will be."
Cut to Rick and Jessie on the sidewalk, where he's reassuring her that Grace doesn't hate her.
Cut to Zoe's face pressed up against the foyer window. "They're here!" she calls excitedly, throwing open the door and grabbing Jessie by the hand. Lily asks where Eli is, and Rick says he had band practice. I watch Grace for a reaction, but surprisingly, there isn't one. Lily puts on a smile and says, "Oh. Well. There'll just be more lasagna for the rest of us, then."
Fade into them sitting around the dining-room table as Lily trots out of the kitchen proudly carrying her lasagna. She and Rick banter and flirt while Jessie and Grace look like they're going to impale themselves on the silverware. Fade into a later moment, as Rick is sharing a story about his camping trip with Jessie. Rick beams with pride over Jessie, telling them that she almost died rock climbing and managed to save herself. He then asks what Grace did over the summer. Her this-conversation-is-going-nowhere answer: "Driver's Ed." Fade to even later, as Rick is piling seconds onto plates. Zoe starts talking to Jessie about a teacher at the grade school, and they share their horror stories about her. Grace rolls her eyes and makes faces, refusing to be drawn into their conversation. And fade into even later, as Lily is sharing baby stories about Grace. Grace forces a fake laugh, and Rick senses her attitude. Things get quiet, and Rick peers at Jessie's plate, which is untouched. She claims she's not hungry. Lily looks a little saddened, taking the lasagna rejection personally. And finally, even later, we fade into Zoe showing Jessie her room. Jessie studies it, arms folded, as Zoe struggles to make conversation. Things get really wild and crazy when, pulling out all the stops, Zoe offers to show Jessie her collection of "all the new silver quarters."
Meanwhile, downstairs, Rick and Lily are cuddling on the couch, talking to Grace about soccer. Rick lets it slip that Lily was a cheerleader in high school, which shocks Grace. It's hard to tell if this tidbit has raised or lessoned her respect for Lily. Zoe and Jessie come downstairs, and Grace tries to extricate herself and head for the safe haven of her room. Zoe mentions Monopoly, though, and Lily ropes Grace into playing with them. Grace makes it painfully clear that she's not very happy about it.
Cut to the Monopoly board. Zoe is evidently training to be mogul, as she ponderously weighs and studies each decision.
Cut to Lily and Rick on the couch, where Lily is reveling in the picture-perfect fact that they're out there snuggling while their kids are playing together in the other room. The fact that it's entirely forced seems not to enter her mind.
Grace lands on one of Zoe's hotels, but Zoe is so preoccupied with counting her money that she doesn't notice. Grace silently encourages Jessie to hurry up and roll. Jessie does, and then realizes that Grace was on Zoe's property and starts to say something. Zoe looks at the board and starts freaking out, drawing the attention of Rick and Lily. Sibling brouhaha erupts, and Jessie finds herself caught in the middle as the adults try to sort out what happened. Grace storms off to her room, and Rick turns his attention back to Jessie, looking for an explanation. Instead, she says tearily that she wants to go home. Lily takes a beat to process what just happened, then grabs Zoe by the arm and drags her out of the kitchen.
When we return from commercials, Rick and Jessie are in the truck, and he's trying to make her see that it wasn't a big deal. He asks why, specifically, Jessie wanted to leave. She claims she had a stomachache. He says he's not sure that was enough of a reason to leave. "Fine," Jessie says. "time, I'll just puke all over the floor." Rick assures her that "time, it'll seem like it never happened." Jessie's still upset, but she won't talk about it anymore.
Cut to Grace and Zoe sprawled on Lily's bed, while Lily grills them about their homework. She suggests that Zoe get an early start on her science assignment, and Zoe replies, "Our entire generation is being stressed out from too much homework." Lily asks about what happened earlier, and Grace tells her that Zoe's just annoying, and Zoe says that Grace cheats. They say it matter-of-factly, the heat of the moment entirely forgotten as Zoe calmly braids Grace's hair. Lily brings up Jessie, and Grace says she's "a baby." Lily rebukes her, but Grace won't back down. She wants to know what she's expected to do -- Jessie wasn't her guest. Lily insists that when somebody -- no matter who invited them -- comes into their house, they're to be treated well. Grace wants to know if that'll still be the case if Lily and Rick get married and Jessie moves in. Lily has no answer for her, and fed up, Grace leaves to do her homework, flapping her arms as she goes.
The day, Rick surprises Lily at work. They talk about the night before, and Rick admits that Jessie is convinced that Grace hates her. "Oh, poor thing!" Lily exclaims. "That's just so ridiculous!" "Well, kids can give out all kinds of signals," Rick says, and I think the implication is pretty clear. Hackles rising, Lily wants to know what he means. He says that Jessie probably picked up on something that wasn't really..."Are you saying that Grace really was mean to Jessie?" Lily demands. She insists that Grace wasn't, and the bickering escalates. Rick slows himself down and says that maybe Grace is feeling pressured, and she's letting out it in a way that caused Jessie to pick up on something. Lily interjects that they're all feeling pressure. Lily wants to know if Rick is saying that she's doing something wrong. He says that's not the case. They agree that everyone's doing the best they can.
Cut to Rick's living room, where Eli is in the midst of a very important conversation about some girl. Jessie interrupts him to ask a math question, but he blows her off. "Dammit!" Jessie shrieks. Eli hangs up and asks her what is the problem. Jessie's feeling overwhelmed by the math, which is way harder than in grade seven. Okay. Seriously. What the hell happened to grade eight? Where are those effing confessionals when you really need one, huh? Eli suggests they talk about it when Rick gets home. He senses Jessie doesn't want to talk to Rick, but he can't get her to say why. She retreats to her room, seemingly on the verge of tears, while Eli looks confused.
Later, when Rick is home, Eli starts shoveling take-out Chinese onto his plate, along with a side of foreshadowing. Rick tells him to call Jessie. Eli says she's not hungry. He adds that she's never hungry. Rick wants to know if Jessie's told him anything about what's been going on. Eli says Jessie thinks that Grace hates her. Rick heads upstairs for a little damage control.
In Jessie's room, Rick settles in and tries to get her talking. Jessie gets choked up and finally tells him the deal. She's basically helpless, as all the changes Rick has implemented in his life have had huge effects on her, and she's had nothing to do but accept it. And now she's being forced to deal with a third house, and with people who don't like her, "and [she] didn't ask for any of it, but [she] has to do it because it's what [he] want[s]." She's fully crying now. Rick is thoughtful for a moment and admits that she's right. Getting teary himself (and looking very haggard -- Billy Campbell should get some sleep or something), he tells her that he's focused on her for the four years since the divorce, and he's been lonely, and now Lily is there and her loves her and needs to be with her, and Jessie is going to pay somewhat of a price for that. He says that he's sorry, and he wishes there were some way he could change his life without changing Jessie's, but there isn't. He wishes he could make her understand how important it is to him to be her dad, and to make sure she gets everything she needs and not ever let her down. He says she just has to trust him, but he thinks she'll also get something out of all the changes eventually, even if she can't see it now. "I don't want you to be lonely," she says softly, when he's finished.
B/W Jessie tells us that she wants to have a big ranch in Wyoming when she's older, where she can just be free. And where there are no people around, I think is the unspoken attraction.
In the high-school hallway, Jessie is walking toward Grace and her friends. Jessie's arms are swinging freely at her sides now, which I think is a sign that she's feeling a little more confident. She keeps glancing at Grace as she approaches, and at one point, Grace catches her eye and then looks away. I think for a minute that Grace is going to snub her, but she doesn't. As Jessie passes, Grace calls out a hello. Jessie tries to play it cool, but you can tell it made her day, as she walks away trying to keep herself from smiling from ear to ear.