The show opens in Jessie's English class, where the teacher is desperately trying to wrench a response from her students on the subject of The Catcher in the Rye. Apparently this school hasn't yet succumbed to the censors' cries for blood and burning books, heard in so many other parts of the nation, because there are curse words in the text. I can only hope that it's a conscious F YOU on the part of the producers toward those borderline illiterates who scan books just looking for naughty bits, but who never actually take the time to read the books to appreciate the context or their message. But I digress. Jessie's teacher asks what Holden's sister, Phoebe, represents to him. When she corners Naomi's kid, Toby, he goes for the painfully obvious: "She's his little sister?" The teacher won't even dignify it with a response. Instead, she turns to Jessie, posing the same question to her. Jessie notes that to Holden, Phoebe "still seems innocent. And he kind of idolizes her for it." The teacher exhales, looking relieved and feeling thankful, no doubt, that her existence isn't entirely futile.
Cut to Eli in his basement bedroom. He's sitting at his desk looking bored and vacant. The camera follows his gaze to Jennifer and Jessie, who are sitting on the couch, flipping through magazines and being very girly. Eli asks Jessie to leave, but Jennifer says she can stay. "I can stay," Jessie echoes, sounding haughty. Jennifer says she always wanted a little sister and, flashing his rapier wit, Eli replies, "You can have her." Jessie ignores him, and tests Jennifer's fashion sense by asking her what she thinks of an outfit in one of the magazines. Jennifer pronounces the clothes hideous and, since Jessie obviously adores her, she scrambles to agree with her. In her magazine, Jennifer finds a pair of shoes she wants Eli to get. Without glancing, Eli agrees that "they're great." She makes him actually look at them, though, and he says they're not really his style. Jennifer points out that Eli has no style. He knows, and explains that not having a style is his style. Clearly they've all given the subject way too much thought. The pair gets playful and starts to wrestle, and Jennifer jumps on Eli's back. Jessie watches them, grinning.
B/W Jessie crops up and, with a big smile, describes the events at a camping trip she and Eli took with their parents. The kids were in one tent, and Rick and Karen were in another. (Yeah, that's right. We can all see where this is going, so feel free to skip ahead.) They must've thought Eli and Jessie were asleep, but they weren't...
Take a moment, now. Seriously. Just think about it. Rick and Karen. Too weird for words, isn't it?
Back in the basement, Eli and Jennifer stop their little grope-fest as they remember that they have an audience. Jennifer tells Jessie that she'll hang out with her later. Jessie smirks knowingly and disappears.
B/W Jessie picks up where she left off. She and Eli "could hear them completely." Grinning, Jessie says, "This is so embarrassing...It was so loud. [She] couldn't believe it was [Karen]."
As if on cue, Karen the sex machine steps out of an elevator in full-length beige, apparently doing her best to embody the old "It's always the quiet ones" cliché. She's with Lloyd, and she thanks him for lunch. Lloyd sees it as his cue to ramble at length about his love for dim sum, but Karen's not listening. She's being barraged by the reality of her office as her assistant flies past reminding her of the people she needs to see and the things she needs to do. Lloyd knows that Karen's not paying any attention to him, but he overlooks it, and firms up their plans for that evening. He goes to kiss her, and she flinches so that his lips awkwardly connect with her cheek. "Oh, we missed," he says lightly. Right, except that "missed" would imply it was an accident and, dude, it didn't look like one from where I was sitting. Karen looks as though the pole in her ass has just shifted into a particularly sensitive spot. She apologizes, saying, "It's just a little weird around here."
B/W Karen shocks us with the admission that she didn't date much after the divorce. She thought she should concentrate on other things, and the kids took up most of her time. She rushes to add that it's how she wanted it that way, it's what she decided. And she's not being overly defensive at all. No way. Just back off, all right?
In her office, she's seated across from her associate, Craig, and they're going over their strategy for a case. A ride-to-hell type cyclist strolls in with his bike, because of course there are no bike racks outside an office building in downtown Chicago, and says, "Hi," very loudly over their conversation. Karen offers a tentative hello, but it's clear she has no idea who the guy is. Her associate is unfazed, however, and asks her for details on a point she just mentioned. Ride-to-Hell pulls off his helmet and plunks it on the table while eavesdropping. RTH interrupts Karen to tell her the idea "will take too much time" while casually rubbing a hand over his flattened helmet-hair. For some reason, Karen asks what he means, instead of asking who the hell he is and why he's shedding gear in her office. RTH launches into a tirade against "you guys," referring to lawyers, and describing them essentially as parasites who make their homes in other people's hip pockets and don't do much of anything besides waste time. As he postulates, he tugs his windbreaker over his head, and accidentally pulls his shirt with it. It gets stuck over his head, but that doesn't stop him from talking. He goes right on attacking lawyers and their essential lack of character and finally punctuates his little speech with, "No offense." Craig assures him there's none taken, but Karen looks like she wants to put a fist through his head. She pushes herself up behind her desk and, with a tight smile, introduces herself. Her associate apologizes for not having introduced them, and tells Karen that RTF is actually a doctor named Leo Fischer, and that he's the client they've just been discussing. He's trying to get housing built for his AIDs patients, and he needs the lawyers to find a way around the by-laws and other red tape that's stopping him. Karen starts to say that she didn't realize, but Leo cuts her off, sniping, "You thought I was a bike courier?" Then he asks her to continue, saying he doesn't have a lot of time. He sits down and starts pulling crap out of his knapsack, including notebooks and a bagged lunch. As Karen resumes talking, Leo wrestles noisily with a bag of chips and unwraps his sandwich, managing to dump half of it all over the papers on Karen's desk which, naturally, sends Karen's ass-pole into fits of chafing and splintering. She does not look amused.
A young man pokes his head in the door to remind Craig that he's needed on a conference call. In the doorway, Craig pauses to suggest that Karen handle Leo's case solo, since it seems like she's got a good handle on it. Without looking up from his papers, Leo says it's okay. Karen is speechless. Craig leaves and Leo, still poring over the papers, holds out his half-eaten sandwich to Karen, asking if she's hungry. We don't hear her response, but since she looks at the offering as if it were squirming, I think it's safe to assume she declines.
Cut to Eli and Jennifer standing in front of his locker. Jennifer is holding an essay and is in the midst of saying that, "overall, [Eli] did a good job, but [he] may want to look at the conclusion again." Tensely, Eli says he will and then kisses her, possibly as a tactical maneuver designed to shut her up. Because, let's face it, getting your grammar corrected isn't exactly a turn-on.
B/W Eli's starts to give us the skinny on Jennifer. He remembers that the first time he saw her, "she was holding up a lunch line to protest the lack of organic choices. She was so worked up." Then he wonders, "How can somebody be so passionate about lettuce?" I don't know. How can anybody be so passionate about tossing a ball through a little wire hoop?
A jock buddy mockingly interrupts the young lovers mid-kiss and tells Eli to "hit it." He tosses Eli a basketball by way of punctuation. Jennifer asks about the practice and when it will be over, because she wants him to go to the library with her. Although it's a tempting offer, Eli tells her practice going to be long because the "coach is out of control." She asks where he'll be spending the night, and he's evasive, impatiently telling her he's got to go. Smiling indulgently, she says, "Go. Be a jock," and then walks down the hallway looking entirely too smug and secure for her own good.
B/W Eli says how much he hated being suspended from the team, how he just didn't feel like himself when he wasn't playing basketball. He "had to raise [his] grades to get back on the team, and Jennifer was there for [him]." She helped him get off suspension, and she doesn't even like sports. "Ironic, huh?" he asks. Technically, no, no it isn't. Apparently Eli was educated at the Alanis Morrisette School of Literary Terms.
We return to Eli a little later, after practice has ended, and he's surrounded by a pack of jocks. They encounter a pack of roaming female jocks, and the expected circling and butt-sniffing ensues. The girls are part of the volleyball team, which has just lost its match. Eli points out that their competition was a "tough team" and wins himself the undivided attention of one of the females. She's impressed that he follows girls' volleyball, which leads her to ask if he's going on "the ski trip." Then she promptly gets a calf cramp. Eli shows her an accupressure point to relieve the pain, but it involves squeezing together her bottom lip. She refuses on the grounds that it may cause her to "look stupid." He convinces her to try it and, presto gizmo, the pain's all gone. Now she's really impressed and asks him to give her his number so she can call with the details. "Details?" Eli asks. "About the ski trip," she answers. My ass. By the way, Cassidy looks just like Eli wearing a blond, braided wig, which could be the most disconcerting thing about these two so far (and there's plenty on the list, believe me). Eli searches out a pen but can't find any paper to write his number on, so Cassidy coyly offers him the palm of her hand. Because the fact that she just finished playing an intense physical game and is covered in sweat and hasn't yet had a shower is immaterial. It's a good excuse to get Eli to hold her hand, and it's also a good opportunity to bat her big buggy eyes at him while he writes. And since it's television, you can rest assured that the number, against all odds, will still be legible by the time she gets home and picks up the phone.
Cut to Jessie and Rick in his truck. He's dropping her off at Karen's place, and Jessie tells him to come in because Lloyd is there. Rick sensibly points out that Karen probably wouldn't appreciate his presence under those circumstances, and Jessie says he just has to see this thing Lloyd does whenever he sees her. He flashes finger pistols and says, "Hey, Jessie James," while -- click, click -- pretending to shoot her. Laughing, Jessie says, "It's so bizarre." Eli pops forward from the backseat to add that "it's really strange." The three have a good laugh at poor old Lloyd. Rick says that Lloyd is just trying to relate to them. Eli's not exactly sympathetic, saying that Lloyd's "really old." Rick points out that Lloyd is his age. "Yeah, but he acts like an old guy," Jessie says. Rick says they liked Lloyd "well enough when he took [them] to the Bulls game." Eli, warming to his role as Captain Sensitive, says, "That's because he had really good seats." Jessie concurs. Now that's gotta be a proud moment for a parent. Rick, of course, doesn't point out that they're being little assholes.
B/W Jessie inexplicably remembers what it was like when she found out Rick was moving out. Maybe it's to show us how innocent she is, so that there's some kind of tie-in to the whole Catcher thing at the beginning. Anyway, she says that she "was worried about where he'd sleep. [She] kept picturing him sleeping in all these strange places, like park benches. What if he wanted his pillow?" Sweetie, you're daddy's so soft I don't think he'd even miss his pillow.
Jessie pops back into the truck to give Rick his third good-bye kiss before running into the house.
Inside, we find Karen, Lloyd, Jessie, and Eli gathered around the table eating dinner. Lloyd is crossing his fingers and telling Eli that "if [he's] ever interested in military academy, [he] happens to be like this with Senator So-and-so." Disappointingly, no food or beverages are laughingly spewed across the table at the suggestion. Instead, Eli thanks him insincerely and grabs his plate, telling Karen that he has homework to do. Karen asks Jessie to get the dessert. "Hey, Jessie James, what's for dessert? (click click)" Lloyd asks, shooting his finger pistols. "Frrrruit," Jessie answers, grinning and firing her own imaginary pistols. I'm not sure if she's talking about dessert or Lloyd, though. When she leaves, Lloyd tells Karen, yet again, how much he likes her kids. He then asks what she's doing on Thursday because it's "Rrrrock 'n' Bowl" down at the alley. He's very excited as he relays the details, which include dry ice smog drifting over the lanes. Sounds tempting, but...Karen's got that pole up her ass, remember? She tells him that the kids will have homework, blah, blah, blah bullcakes, and when Lloyd tries to keep the idea alive, she tells him to just back off and let things happen naturally. She's a little nicer about it than that, but not much.
The doorbell rings, and Jen's at the door. When Eli opens it, she says, "I thought you said you'd be at your dad's." Eli grumbles that he said he didn't know. "Doesn't matter," Jennifer chirps, "I tracked you down." And Eli looks just thrilled that she did.
B/W Eli tells us that "Jennifer's great. I mean, she helps me out so much. And I'm totally into her as a person..." Mmm-hmm, I smell a big BUT coming.
Jennifer asks if Eli's done his homework as she hangs up her coat and generally makes herself at home. She's wearing what is, quite possibly, the ugliest hat in creation, which can't be doing much to endear her to Eli. It looks like a chunky-knit beehive. "Take off the hat!" I cry, "It's killin' you." But sadly, she doesn't listen. "Okay, let's go," she says, leading him toward his room. Lloyd pokes his head out the kitchen doorway and watches them go with a fond smile. It's reminiscent of that smug, secure smirk Jennifer sported earlier. The poor fools, they have no idea that a blade's hanging by a thread just inches above them.
And here comes that but: "Lately..." B/W Eli says, "it just seems like every time I turn around, there she is." Ah, that age-old adolescent relationship dilemma. Thank god those days are far behind me, is all I can say.
To illustrate his point, we cut to Eli's room, where he's sitting at his desk doing homework. Jennifer's right to him, and she leans over his shoulder to say, "Boo!" She then dissolves into fits of giggles. Oh yeah, I can see how this would get annoying. Eli tries to look amused but doesn't really succeed.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Jessie's helping Karen do the dishes. She asks if Karen thinks Lloyd has a good sense of humor. Karen pauses for a moment and then says she never really thought about it, but she guesses he does. Jessie asks if she finds it corny, making it pretty clear that she does. Smiling, Karen says Lloyd is a sweet man and, yes, his sense of humor is a little corny. Jessie then asks if Karen liked Rick's sense of humor. Karen is saved by the bell, however, as the phone rings and Jessie runs to answer it. It's a girl for Eli. But Jennifer's already with him...You can see the wheels turning as Jessie struggles to make sense of the situation. She senses that it can only be a bad thing and asks Karen what she should do. Karen points out that it's perfectly okay for Eli to get calls from other girls. Jessie begs her to take the phone and control of the situation, which Karen does.
Jessie's the one who comes to get Eli, however, and she stands unsmiling at the top of the stairs as she tells him he's wanted on the phone. When he asks who it is, Jessie just stares at him, and he clues in, saying, "Never mind, I'll get it." Jessie looks uncomfortable, so Jennifer asks if she's okay and then offers to paint her toenails. Jessie grins widely and bobs her head up and down. Jennifer sits up on the bed, and her pants come into view. Apparently they were designed by someone with an abiding love for Aerosmith and sixties sofas.
B/W Jessie's back, leveling her gaze at the camera. "I'm not getting married until I'm thirty-four," she proclaims. Okay...
We return to the basement, where Jennifer is busily painting Jessie's toenails. When Eli returns, Jennifer absently asks who was on the phone, and he answers, "Nobody. The coach." Jessie's face falls as Jen continues painting, blissfully unaware that Eli's a liar and his pants should, by rights, be going up in flames.
After commercials, we find Jessie and Karen in the kitchen the following morning. Jessie says she wishes that Karen had asked what "that girl wanted with Eli." Then she asks if Karen "at least listen[ed] in on their conversation." Karen asks if Jessie really thinks that would have been "appropriate." "Absolutely," Jessie answers without hesitating, "It's almost your responsibility." Karen says it's her responsibility to "respect Eli's privacy." Jessie tries a different tack, saying, "I guess it's okay to lie, then, because that's what Eli did to Jennifer." Karen pauses for a moment before saying that Jessie needs to "let Eli run his own life." Eli enters the kitchen, and Jessie leaves, looking disgusted. Jessie's needling has gotten to Karen, though, and she brings up the phone call. Eli is immediately defensive. Karen says the last thing she wants to do is pry but asks if everything is okay with Jennifer. Eli says things are just getting complicated. Karen asks if he'd like to talk about it. Amazingly, Eli's not interested in discussing his love life with his mother, and he gets up to leave. With all the subtlety of a falling anvil, Karen stops him at the doorway to remind him that girls his age are "very sensitive."
And speaking of sensitive, we cut to Leo, who's in the midst saying, "I don't like this," while waving around Karen's proposition for the building. Karen's sitting on the edge of her desk, calmly sipping coffee. She asks him to be more specific. Leo starts to make a suggestion but stops. Karen urges it out of him, assuring him that she'll "be sure to let him know if she thinks it's crazy." Leo says he "can't help but think they could turn over the legislation." "See, that's a double negative," Karen responds, as if that's the worst of their problems. She moves around to her chair, no doubt to better accommodate that pole of hers, which must have been aggravated by that raging case of careless grammar. As she settles into her chair, she shares with Leo the proper way of stating the phrase: "Can't help thinking." Leo thanks her and then snips that they "weren't all that concerned with grammar in med school; [they] were a little more concerned with saving lives." Oh, get over yourself, Dr. Ego. Karen tells him that overturning legislation would take years. He throws out a couple more ideas, which she shoots down in rapid succession. Frustrated, Leo says, "What about paying somebody off? You've got connections..." Karen levels him with a stony stare. Leo says maybe they should order lunch, and Karen's all over it. She pulls a stack of menus from her desk and asks what he'd like. Leo tells her he's not picky -- she should just order whatever she likes. Karen says she'll order Indian. Wait a second, it seems that Leo meant he'll eat anything except Indian. So Karen opts for Italian instead. "What, like pizza or something?" Leo asks. Karen thrusts the menus at him and tells him to pick something. He still insists that whatever she gets will be fine -- are you ready for it? -- "as long as it's not Greek." Right, but who's on first?
Cut to Jessie at the video store. She pulls a box off the shelf and examines it. She shows it to Eli and, with a mischievous grin, says they should get it. Eli tells her she's a little pervert. Staring at the cover, Jessie says "Oh. My. God. I think this is my math teacher." Eli walks away. I'm thinking maybe it's time someone had the little talk with Jessie. Between this, the basement voyeurism, and her recounting of the Great Camping Sex Fiasco, I think it's obvious she's pretty curious. On the other side of the store, he pulls a box off the rack and someone behind him says, "So..." Three guesses who it is. Cassidy comes up behind him, saying, "You like girls' volleyball and you're a sucker for romantic comedy?" Wow, who knew such a perfect man existed? Oh, that's right, he doesn't. Sorry girls. Eli tries to deny his affinity for romantic comedies, insisting that he was just checking out the running time. Cassidy busts him, giggling. Jessie's ears prick up, and she casts a suspicious eye in the direction of the sound.
She finds the two of them standing there laughing. "Eli, I'm ready to go," she says flatly. Cassidy gives her a toothy hello, but Jessie's response is decidedly less-than-friendly. Eli tells her to pick up The Philadelphia Story for Rick. Jessie thinks he's just trying to get rid of her, but he insists Rick wanted it. She turns reluctantly and, dragging her feet, walks away at tortoise speed. Cassidy, still smiling -- she must put Vaseline on her teeth or something -- says, "So your dad's a sap, too." Honey, you don't know the half of it. Eli says "Yeah, we're just one big --" "Noooooo!" I cry, to no avail. "-- sappy family." Amazingly, when I open my eyes again, Cassidy's still standing there. She remembers she has ski-trip permission forms in her bag and digs one out for him, but Eli's non-committal on the subject. Cassidy, the antithesis of the clingy girlfriend, says, "Not that you're going or anything. I just thought you should have one. Just in case." Jessie returns with the video and abruptly says, "Let's go." Cassidy's friends call her somewhere off-screen. In parting, she tells him that she's having people over to watch scary movies later. She "know[s] it's lame, but if [he] wants to come..." An open invitation. No pressure, no strings, no expectations...Eli's practically drooling, but plays it cool, saying, "Maybe." Jessie watches the whole scene, entirely unimpressed. She grabs Eli's sleeve and drags him to the door.
B/W Eli's scrambling like mad to justify his behavior and ditch those twinges of guilt: "I don't see what's wrong with being nice to people. I mean, if it's someone from school who is nice. Who I like. It's okay to have a conversation. Right?" Sure. Except that there's a line between harmless flirtation, or "conversation," and flirtation with intent to cheat. You, my boy, are clearly guilty of the latter. And he knows it, the ass.
Jessie wants to know "if that's who called last night." Eli says it's none of her business. Jessie's outraged. It is her business, she informs him, because he made her "an accomplice to his crime of lies with Jennifer," who happens to be her "good friend." It's a little melodramatic, but you tell him, sister. Eli grumpily orders her to get in the car.
Karen, meanwhile, is still going in circles with Leo, and she's showing signs of wear. Leo voices his patients' plight and, while Karen understands and wants to help, she reiterates that they cannot build new housing because of the by-laws. She explains that the legislation is not arbitrary, as Leo claims, but is intended to prevent public housing from becoming segregated.
B/W Karen says she'd like to feel that she's doing something worthwhile with her work.
Cue Leo: "Do you hate your job?" Karen chokes on her drink and asks why he'd say that.
B/W Karen admits that, noble intentions aside, there are times when she just tries to make it through the week. I suspect this is one of those times.
"I thought you might be one of those people who just goes through the motions. A lot of people are like that," Leo explains. Karen's offended and springs out of her chair with an indignant cry. She paces the office and angrily tells him that she loves her job. Leo, arms up in a placating gesture, says, "Okay." He then starts hammering out a beat on her desktop with his pencil. "I think I'm fairly tolerant, but..." Karen says. "I'm bothering you," says Leo, with an uncharacteristic flash of insight. Karen confirms that he is and grabs his pencil. Lloyd shows up to take Karen to dinner. He knocks on her office window and waves. Karen steps into the hall to apologize. She says that she's tied up with a guy that's "insufferable," and she's going to be longer than she'd thought. Lloyd sympathizes and starts to tell her about a similar guy at his own office but, as usual, she's not listening to him. She cuts him off to say she's sorry, but she's not going to be able to go out with him. Affable as always, Lloyd suggests they get together the day. Karen says she has plans with Jessie, but then she suggests that he join them. Lloyd says he shouldn't -- she and Jessie should have their private time together, but Karen insists. She sweetens the prospect by saying, "You can buy us an expensive lunch and we'll totally take advantage of you." They laugh, and Lloyd says, "How can I say no to that?" I don't know, since you haven't so far. They peck each other and Karen moves toward her office. Lloyd looks like he's onto something -- there's a little less sparkle in his eyes, and his shoulders are a little more drooped than usual. He heads to the elevator and jabs the button repeatedly, like he can't wait to get out of there.
Back in her office, Leo is smiling as he paws one of the pictures on her desk. When Karen enters, he puts it down and says, "I was totally out of line. I have no social skills. That's my idea of an apology. I'm totally inept." Karen doesn't voice a single argument but says that she was "inappropriate." Leo refutes her, saying that "she's obviously in public interest law because she cares about what she does. Otherwise she'd be billing three-fifty an hour." Karen pauses, takes a pill, and then unclenches a little. She asks why he's not in private practice, either. "Bottom of my class," Leo jokes, but goes on to tell her he's "from a rich family and [doesn't] really have a specific reason. [He] just wanted to make it easier for people that have no hope." And suddenly, Leo's looking a whole lot better, isn't he? Karen thinks so, too. She tells him that he's done amazing work. Leo thanks her and then steers the conversation immediately back to the case, making it clear he's not really interested in accolades. He asks why, if the funds are there, they can't just build the new housing? Karen says it simply isn't an option. "Maybe there's a loophole. Maybe if you tried a little harder," Leo suggests, successfully cramming his foot almost entirely down his throat for a record thirty-ninth time. "I don't believe you," Karen says. Leo doesn't understand her reaction. "You just insulted me again," she states. "I am bad news," Leo says, "Don't pay attention to me. I'm just going to go in the corner and shut up." That won't be necessary, though, because Karen suddenly finds a breakthrough in the case. Leo is so excited he can barely contain himself. He practically bounces over to his laptop to start writing the necessary letter immediately. "Tell me what to write," he says to Karen, deferring to her for the first time. I think she likes it.
Cut to Rick's place, where Jessie and Eli are coming down the stairs, discussing Eli's plans to go watch movies at Cassidy's place. "It's nothing," Eli insists, his voice frustrated, "It's just a bunch of people watching a movie. Get off my back." "I don't care if you go or not," Jessie sniffs, "I just don't see how you can live with yourself." Rick comes into the foyer as Eli's putting on his coat. He's happy to learn they rented The Philadelphia Story. Eli tells him where he's going, and Rick tells him to be home by midnight. Jessie sits at the counter, glaring at nothing in particular. When Eli opens the door, however, Jennifer's there to put the kibosh on his big plans. "What are you doing here?" Eli asks, not smiling. "Why?" she chirps, "Don't you want me here?" It's clear she's never even considered that as a real possibility. Eli's still not smiling, as he stammers, "No, no you just surprised me." She asks if he was going somewhere, and he says no.
In the kitchen, Rick and Jessie are getting the popcorn ready while Eli pouts and Jennifer acts bubbly and completely oblivious. When Rick and Jessie head to the living room, Eli stays behind and says he doesn't want to watch the movie. Jennifer hops up on the counter as he broods and roots around the fridge. She pulls the permission slip from under her butt and asks him what it's for. Snatching it from her hands, he tells her and then turns away. She asks if he's going and, with his back still to her, he edgily says that he doesn't know. Jennifer hops off the counter and moves to look him in the face. She asks if something's wrong, if she did something. "Whaddaya mean?" he asks. "I feel like something's weird, or something. I don't know," she answers. Eli says he doesn't know, and she gives him a hug, saying, "I just love you so much," before heading toward the living room. Rick calls out that the movie's starting and asks them to bring the salt.
After commercials, we find Jessie laying in bed reading. Her voice-over leads us into another clip of B/W Jessie. She says her "guidance counselor told [her] parents that [she's] self-confident and focused. Which is the exact opposite of what [she is]." She gets up and studies herself in the mirror, as B/W Jessie continues: "You know how, right before something bad happens, everything slows down? It seems like that all the time lately." She adds that she "know[s she's] probably over-reacting to every little thing, but [she] can't help herself."
Meanwhile Karen and Leo are still at her office. She's sitting over the laptop, and he's sitting on his bike behind her. "And this was on your gynecological rotation?" she asks and bursts out laughing. And laughing. And laughing. Leo says it's not that funny, but she insists that it is. We, of course, have no idea because the writers took the easy way out and didn't bother coming up with a really funny story about something that happened on a gynecological rotation. Leo suggests that Karen's just sleep-deprived. She admits that this is the first time she's stayed up all night since she was in law school, and then adds that they came up with a great proposal. Leo notes that they "work well together." He, too, must be suffering the effects of sleep deprivation. Karen gets ready to leave, saying that she has to pick up her daughter, and Leo asks, "How old are you?" "You really are socially inept," she responds. "Do you like donuts?" he asks. "Why? Are you going to make a remark about my thighs now?" Yeah, because you've got such an obvious weight problem, Karen. Leo says he just thought they could get some breakfast to celebrate. And nothing says success like a donut, right doctor? Karen says she has to get going, though, and starts heading out the door. Leo tells her to wait, and when she turns, he zooms on her lips-first. She's startled, obviously, and pulls back. They look at each other for a moment, and then Karen dives at him. She then breaks away and leaves, while Leo stares after her. I think the term for his expression is "longing."
At Rick's place, everyone's having breakfast when Jen calls. Rick answers and is about to hand off to Eli, but Eli waves his arms to signal that he's not there. Rick backpedals to cover for him, and Jessie looks peeved. When Rick hangs up, Jessie says, "I'm so disgusted right now," and flies out of the room. "What was that about?" Rick asks. "I don't know. She's a brat?" Eli says. Rick clarifies the question: He was referring to Jennifer's phone call. Eli says he just didn't want to talk to her. "I have to see her every day, isn't that enough?" You were saying something about brats? Rick does his very best sponge impression and says that's fine, and he doesn't want to interfere. "I still like her," Eli says, "But she expects me to spend every minute of the day with her, and sometimes I just want to do things without her. She just shows up." Well, I can see how it would be a drag having your girlfriend around when you're busy trying to get with another girl, so maybe his point is valid. Okay, his wanting to have time to himself is valid, but I don't think Eli's being entirely honest in his motives, that's all. Rick suggests that he tell Jennifer how he feels. "I don't wanna hurt her. Girls her age are so sensitive," Eli says petulantly, imitating Karen. "And manipulative," Rick adds, with a trace of bitterness. Whoa, wait a minute, pal. The only manipulator here is Eli, in his handling of the truth. Eli asks how you know when something is over. Rick responds by telling him that he's "only sixteen, and [he] shouldn't have to think in those terms. [He] shouldn't have to feel that responsible. It's noble but not necessary at this point in [his] life." So at exactly what age should you become concerned about other people's feelings? Is this really the kind of advice teenage boys get? Because if it is, it explains a lot. Rick tells Eli to do what he really wants. Eli leaves Rick to finish his coffee and make indecipherable faces. Rick could either be wishing that his advice were that easy to follow (thinking of Lily, perhaps); or that he can't believe how crappy it is to be sixteen, and he'd never want to be that age again; or that he's unsure whether the advice he just gave his kid was really all that sound.
Cut to a pair of chopsticks suspending a calamari in front of Jessie's face. It's one of those bits that are a mass of tiny tentacles, and Jessie's reaction about sums it up: "It's heinous!" Then, in the same breath, she exclaims, "Eat it, Lloyd!" She shudders as he pops it in his mouth with an audible "chomp" and then chews it with relish. Jessie picks through the dish in front of her for more disgusting things to feed to Lloyd. He looks across the table at Karen and asks if she's okay. She says she's just tired. "How far did you guys get?" he asks. The force of the double-entendre sends Karen's elbow into her water glass, which she tips nervously. She stammers that they finished. Watching her closely, Lloyd asks if she has to work the day and, almost snapping, she replies, "I told you we were finished." "Right," Lloyd says quietly. There's an uncomfortable silence, which Jessie feels responsible to dispel. She shows Lloyd how to get the splinters off his chopsticks by rubbing them together. They then have a chopstick sword fight, and Lloyd gamely pretends to be mortally wounded.
Cut to Karen and Jessie unloading groceries from the van. Jessie says she thinks that Lloyd does have a good sense of humor, after all. Karen's not listening. Jessie says "Did I tell you that Eli was flirting with that bimbo at the video store yesterday?" "Jessie!" Karen admonishes. Jessie tells her it was the same girl who called the other night. Karen asks why Jessie's so "invested in this," and Jessie answers that it's because "Eli's cheating on Jennifer. He's cheating in his heart. That's still cheating, isn't it?" Karen says it is, but maybe they don't know all the details. She adds that sometimes things just don't work out between people. Clearly, she's thinking of her own relationship with Lloyd. Jessie wants to know why Karen's taking Eli's side, and Karen insists she's not taking sides at all. Jessie says she doesn't "understand how people can just stop being there."
B/W Karen takes this statement as her cue to admit to feeling guilty over the divorce and being worried about its affects on her kids. She's scared "they may never fully recover from it, and [she] feels like the worst thing [she] can do is dwell on [her] own suffering. [She] just wishes [she] could stop."
Inside, Jessie discovers that Eli is entertaining Cassidy in his room. Upset, she rushes upstairs to tell Karen that Cassidy is downstairs. She can't say anything, though, because she's too busy fighting back her tears. Karen goes to see what's upset her, and finds Eli and his new interest listening to CDs. Surprised, Eli pops up to turn off the stereo. With a pointed look, Karen says she needs his help upstairs for a minute. Cassidy just sits there, grinning vacuously like a jack o'lantern. Like she has no idea that Eli's mom might like his current girlfriend.
Eli follows Karen saying he has no idea why Jessie is so upset. Karen says it's because Jessie's worried about Jennifer, and Eli says it's none of her business or Karen's, either. "Believe me, the last thing I want is to be in the middle of a soap opera," Karen assures him, but points out that he "needs to do something before someone gets hurt." Eli informs her that he's "too young to feel this responsible for someone." "What kind of crap is that?" Karen demands. Somehow, Eli hears her over my cheering and tells her that he and Rick talked about it. "Of course you did," Karen says knowingly. The she repeats that Eli needs to do something. Cassidy's grinning head pops through the doorway at that instant, and she tells Eli that she has to leave. Eli walks her out to the porch and, WHOOPS, right into Jennifer, who is bounding up the sidewalk. Jennifer stops dead in her tracks, looks at Eli's smiling face and, of course, Cassidy's grinning melon, and everything stops for an instant while they all react. Cassidy's smile drops pretty fast, as does Eli's. Karen watches the whole scene unfold through the doorway, while Jessie watches from a window. Jennifer turns and books it. A flash of guilt crosses Eli's face as he watches her run away.
After commercials, Rick, Eli, Jessie, and Karen are gathered in the kitchen embroiled in a family discussion. Rick wants to know what's wrong with Jessie. She lifts her little face to look earnestly into his and says, "I won't stay in the same house as him. I won't. He's wretched." Eli wants to know how any of this is her business. "Dad, I can't be expected to live like this," Jessie pleads. Rick relents and says she can spend the night with him. "All right," she says, adding, "I have some English homework, if I can remember where I put it." She leaves, and Eli's hot on her trail, saying he has homework too. Alone, Karen tells Rick that "this isn't a solution." He agrees and wonders how "Eli's love life became a family crisis." "Because this is what Jessie wants," Karen says, "She wants us to be in the kitchen worrying about her." Rick says he doesn't think they can blame her for that, and Karen says they can't, but they shouldn't let the kids manipulate them. "I don't let them manipulate me," Rick says, slipping for an instant into some alternate reality. "Are you kidding?" Karen demands, "You told Eli exactly what he wanted to hear." Rick claims that he just encouraged Eli to make his own decision, but hey man, we were there, so there's no fooling us. Karen's no fool, either, telling him that he "completely absolved Eli of any responsibility. He thinks being sixteen means there are no consequences." Rick insists he's totally innocent of her accusations. I'm beginning to see where Eli gets his propensity to deny, deny, deny.
The phone rings and, true to the bad-timing principle that is a driving factor of so many scenes on this show, it's Leo. "I need to kiss you again," he tells Karen by way of hello. Stammering, Karen tries to cover, saying "I...I...I...I'll have to get back to you on that." "Do you want to kiss me?" Leo asks coyly. "We'll have to talk about that later," she responds. In the background, Rick's still yammering: "You can't expect him to be perfect just because..." Leo says, "I think we're the same height." "Okay," Karen says, "I'll have to get back to you," and hangs up. Rick's still going, saying, "I think you set impossible standards, and I think it's unfair to expect Eli to live up to them." Karen, however, is suddenly a lot less worried about the whole situation. She just smiles to herself and ignores Rick.
A little later, Karen takes a sandwich to Eli in his room, and he says he doesn't know how he'll face Jennifer. She tells him that he's on his own -- he needs to figure out what he wants and then handle the situation. Right, but what would she do, he wants to know. With a kiss to the forehead, she imparts the shocking truth that, contrary to popular belief, she does not, in fact, have all the answers. She then proceeds to blab in her usual over-compensatory manner until Eli breaks it to her that she's rambling.
The morning, Karen and Lloyd are having breakfast at the counter of a diner. Lloyd's babbling about the western omlette, ketchup, and other gastric banalities, while Karen's doing a fine job of tuning him out. Finally, Lloyd shuts up, and the two occupy themselves with some serious chewing. Karen steals a couple glances at him and then musters her nerve. She takes a deep breath and blurts that she doesn't think she's "being fair to him." He cuts her off, telling her he doesn't need her to be up-front with him. Karen insists that she has to be open about her feelings, and Lloyd jumps in to say he knows that she hasn't "been completely invested in this relationship" and that "sometimes [she] doesn't even hear what he's saying." Karen moves to protest, but Lloyd tells her it's all okay -- he knows she's a complicated person, and he's not. He tells her that he just loves watching her, with all her "moods" and "colors." He gushes that she "just shines from the inside" and that's why she needs to be with someone like him -- she "deserves to be adored." By the time Lloyd's wrung out his last drop of self-respect, Karen can't meet his eyes. Lloyd watches her hopefully but to no avail. "I'm really sorry, I just..." Karen says to her plate, and Lloyd's gaze drops. He turns slowly on his stool, gathers the check and his coat, and walks over to the cashier. He tells the woman to have a nice day and then, eyes downcast, he shuffles to the door, pauses, and steps outside. He doesn't look back, which is a nice surprise.
Meanwhile, hearts are breaking on the other side of town, as Eli approaches Jennifer at her locker. He mentions softly that she wasn't in chemistry. I assume it's because she spent the morning twisting and clipping her hair in about fifty little braids and loops all over her head, but it turns out she was at the dentist. Eli proceeds to ramble lamely about the class, but Jennifer's not too interested. He asks if they can go somewhere to talk. She wants to know why, and he says he'd like to get some things off his chest. Jennifer's not too concerned with his turmoil, however, and tells him so. He says he never meant for any of it to happen, as if that's going to make her feel better somehow. Jennifer wants to know why he didn't just talk to her about it, especially since she asked him more than once what was wrong. He tells her he cares about her "so much. [He] really, really needs [her]. As a close friend." What a dick. "That would be really convenient for [him], wouldn't it?" Jennifer responds. She makes it clear there's no way she's going to be an emotional revolving door, to which Eli says, "Can you please try to be mature about this?" Amazingly, she doesn't plant her foot straight in his mouth. "Oh, you want mature?" she retorts, "After everything you did? You lied to me. You can't have it both ways." She starts to walk away, accompanied by my personal soundtrack of whoops and cheers. Eli calls out to her. When she stops, he tells her she still "means a lot" to him. Nice consolation prize, that. She tells him he means more to her, and then walks away.
Cut to Jessie laying in bed, reading Catcher. Rick checks on her, and they bond for a bit over tickles and silly talk. When he asks if she's feeling better, she says she "just thinks Eli is a jerk, and [she's] entitled to [her] opinion." She tells Rick she's worried that she'll never see Jennifer again. He says maybe she will, and maybe she won't.
For the few minutes, everything we see is accompanied by Jessie's voice-over. Eli meets up with the ever-grinning Cassidy in the hallway as Jessie says, "Everybody acts like there's something better out there. It's just so stupid. We only have the people we have, right?" Jennifer pushes unsmilingly past Eli in the hall as Jessie continues: "So if we run from that, we keep running from that..."
Cut to a shot of Karen stepping off the elevator at her office, where Leo is waiting for her. Jessie says, "And I know people think I'm delusional or something, but I know what's going on. And I just think people make things harder than they should be." This kid really belongs at the top of a mountain, or something, dispensing the wisdom of her innocence. She's totally right that none of it makes sense, but there's not a damn thing we can do about it, is there? Karen and Leo kiss. Jessie continues: "They put themselves through all this unnecessary torture for no reason. At least to me." Give yourself a couple years, sweetie. Pretty soon, you'll be all lusty and irrational, and you'll begin to understand why the rest of us are nuts. Speaking of which, we cut to Jessie sitting in her English class (a nice cyclical effect, if you will, to round out the show), where her friend Toby is staring at her with those big eyes they paint on black-velvet kids and dogs. She catches him and turns around to register the impact of this strange new experience. Then she turns to look at him again, somehow instinctively knowing how to drive the guy crazy, just as her teacher hands her a book. The class is moving on to -- can you guess? -- Romeo and Juliet. Jessie starts to flip through the book with a small smile, relishing her first thrill of successful flirtation, as her eyes flick from side to side like someone hatching a devious little plot to take over the world. Or, at least, pre-pubescent boys.
Later that night, Eli's in the driveway, loading up his snowboarding gear with Cassidy. They admire his board for a minute -- clearly they're meant for one another -- and Jessie calls him from the porch, where she's sitting with her Shakespeare. Eli yanks her ponytail. And then he yanks it again. And again. Jessie finally reacts, hitting his arm. He feigns injury, and the two start play fighting. They wrestle around the front yard for a bit and then start an impromptu snowball fight. We can't see her, but I'm sure Cassidy's standing off to the side doing what she does best -- grinning like a simpering fool.