Everyone's complaining about having to park down the street while construction crews are renovating a non-DM part of the office park and hogging all the parking spaces. "Some of us like the walk more than others," Pam understates, as Kevin weeps openly on the curb nearby.
After the credits, Pam tells us that Michael has been in the process of picking a new chair for his office for the past three weeks, and she'd like to hurry it along since she's getting Michael's old chair when he's done with it. But Michael, being Michael, has gotten a bit off-task and become enamored of the business-dressed (yet short-skirted) woman modeling the chair in the catalog. Yes, he and Jan are over, lest you rush to add a wandering eye to Michael's list of faults. He THs that being single isn't so bad: "Every day I get a little more desperate, and desperate situations yield the quickest results." Wasn't it weird that there were no Michael THs last week? It was almost like he was shutting us out. I miss that a little.
We learn that when Pam gets Michael's old chair, Creed gets her old chair. But who gets Creed's old chair? "Then I'll have two chairs," Creed says excitedly. "One to go." Did you know that "Creed Bratton" sounds just like the Czech phrase "don't know, don't want to know"? And if it doesn't, it should.
Michael goes out to the bullpen and tells everyone to turn to page 85 of the supply catalog, and instructs them that if they're looking for someone to fix him up with, use the chairmodel as the template. Across the room, Andy is devastated to realize he left his cell phone in his car. He mopes off to commence the long walk. See you week, Andy!
Michael asks Kevin to set him up with someone, now that he's single. Kevin reveals that he's on the market himself, since Stacy left him. What? Okay, now, that stings. "You don't deserve her," Michael encourages Kevin as he moves on to "Oscar Mayer Weiner Lover" to ask after his female friends in the most stereotype-based way possible. Fortunately for Oscar, Phyllis offers to set Michael up with one of her friends, until she has to admit that the friend "wouldn't fit in a rowboat." Frustrated, Michael gives his people an assignment: give Michael names of date prospects for him, or they're fired. Toby? Visible, but silent. It's always a crapshoot as to whether that dude's going to do his job in a given situation.
Kevin and Andy are in Michael's office, complaining to him about the parking situation. Since he's got his own assigned parking spot up front, it takes him a minute to try empathizing, even after which he decides to leave it up to Andy and Kevin to solve the problem. "We won't let you down," Andy promises. "Can't, 'cause I don't care," Michael agrees.
In the break room, everyone's filling out their cards. Jim's suggestion? Pam's mom. Times like this are when I wish we did full recaps for this show, because boy could I go off on the subject of Michael as Pam's stepfather.
In Michael's office, Michael calls his first candidate, a "hot & juicy redhead" named Wendy. Yes, in fact it is the number for a Wendy's restaurant. Michael places an order just to get off the call. Dwight comes in with the last batch of cards, including his own, which reads "chairmodel." Yes, Dwight's on the case. As soon as he picks up Michael's food from Wendy's.
And indeed, Dwight is as good as his word. He's made a bunch of calls, and discovered the model's name and the fact that she's based in nearby Wilkes-Barre. Alas, she is also really dead. Vehicular mishap. Just think about that for a second: one minute you're on top of the world, everything going great, your life coming together, and the , bam, you're gone, and you never even knew about the horror awaiting you in April of 2008. Michael takes the news hard. After Jim says something kind of insensitive, Pam takes pity on Michael and hands him a card. "I don't think I'm ready," Michael gasps tearfully. "Is she hot?"
Kevin wants to assemble the bosses of the "Five Families" of Scranton Office Park: Michael, Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration, Paul "Cool Guy Paul" Faust of Disaster Kits Limited, W.B. Jones, and Bill Cress of Cress Tool & Die. "Super old and really mean," is how Kevin describes Mr. Cress. But Michael's too busy brushing his teeth on the office sink to care, because he's off to meet Pam's friend. Because everything has to happen in one day on this show, no matter what.
At a nearby coffee shop, Michael isn't thrilled at the looks of Pam's landlady, a fortyish woman who isn't a knockout but still deserves better than Michael. He tries to duck out, but is trapped when the barista calls his name.
For some reason, she's still there after the ads, and they're sitting together at a table. Michael's pretty charmless, until he opens up to her about how hard it is to meet people to just talk to and share experiences with. Then he whips out his cell to show off a picture of Jan, rubbing a finger over the phone's hinge to describe the boob job. He calls Jan "crazy smart, and...manipulative..." And...on the phone, hearing everything Michael's saying, because he dialed her number when he pulled up the picture. He silently hangs up on Jan, and Pam's landlady is ready to take off. He gives her what he thinks is a compliment, comparing this meeting to talking to a sweet old lady on the bus. She thinks about that for a second and informs him, "That's incredibly rude," she says mildly. "Now you ruined it," he snits at her. If only that were true, or indeed possible.
1 2 3 4
Andy and Kevin's meeting with the other four bosses of Scranton Office Park isn't going so great. They're intimidated and rambling, but when they actually, finally, come out and say what they want, it's done. "Could have done this over email," grumbles Cool Guy Paul on his way out. Kevin starts THing about how hard it was for him after Stacy left, but he cuts himself off and grins, "It's just nice to win one." Aww. Now watch the number of fan sites and LiveJournals dedicated to Kevin shoot up overnight.
Michael's pissed at Pam for setting him up with Margaret, bitching at her that she's obviously not what he's looking for. After he storms into his office, Jim goes up and informs Pam, "You just got yourself kicked out of your apartment." Which is just a way to set up the big move in the PB&J story arc, which is Pam joking about moving in with Jim and Jim joking about letting her, but seriously being all for it, and Pam maybe-joking that she's not moving in with anyone without being engaged, and Jim is all, "Have I not proposed to you yet?" and her showing him her bare finger and him promising her he will be, and her not believing him, and him insisting he's serious, and when he does, "It's going to kick your ass, Beesly" and OMFG PB&J ARE GETTING MARRIED SQUEEEEEE!!!1! Or so some might say.
"I am not kidding," Jim assures us in a TH, and pops out a tiny little ring. "The week after we started dating," he says. Okay, if this were any other couple, that would be kind of pathetic. But since it's Jim and Pam, and we know all they've been through together, and we've been through it with them, it's only borderline pathetic.
Michael sits in his office complaining to Dwight, who advises Michael that he needs closure. Specifically, he needs to say goodbye.
Andy and Kevin make their triumphant return to the office, and Andy THs some malaprop-riddled congratulations to himself.
Cut to Dwight and Michael at the chairmodel's grave, as Michael wonders what to do . "You wait until year's chair catalog comes out and you find one that's still alive," Dwight says.
Jim and Pam walk down the street discussing dinner plans, and suddenly Jim is down on one knee. She freezes, and for a long second her expression is almost uncomfortably like "Casino Night" all over again. And Jim slowly says, "Pam...will you wait for me one second while I tie my shoe?" Yeah, there's an ass-kicking coming after that, but it's not going to be Pam's ass.
1 2 3 4
Tag: Michael is still with Dwight at the Chairmodel's grave, singing her a bastardized version of "American Pie" in the waning light. Cut to him and Dwightstill singing happily in full dark. Yeah, that song is way too long. And that cemetery is really insufficiently patrolled.
1 2 3 4