Okay, I'm going to be up front with you: there's a big difference between doing a weecap of this show off DVDs at one's leisure and doing one off a live episode when it's due before I wake up the morning. So I hope you'll forgive me if these weecaps for the remainder of Season Four aren't as detailed as the ones I wrote for Seasons Two and Three. And in return, I'll keep to myself my wish that Pam and Jan will make out. Deal? Good.
Michael's got everyone working late at the office for some reason, until he fakes yelling at Corporate over the phone to get everyone out of it. He cuts everyone loose and invites Jim to bring Pam over to the condo for dinner that night. Jim's been dodging invitations like this for a while, but since he's already told Michael he doesn't have plans, he has no excuse. Dwight asks what time to be there, but Michael informs him that it's couples-only: himself and Jan, Jim and Pam, and...Angela and Andy. Try to picture Dwight's devastation. Also, I hope you enjoyed the five seconds of screen time the supporting cast got this week
Jim and Pam arrive at the condo first, for awkward greetings and to present Jan with a bottle of wine that Jan can't wait to "cook with." Jane starts the tour upstairs, showing off her unused office space and the other room she's taken over as a candle-making studio. Jim is nearly pole-axed by the stench. is the bedroom, where Jan hastily tucks away the video camera on its tripod. Pam admires the bench at the foot of the master bed, which is in fact Michael's bed because Jan gets the bed proper to herself. He tries to show off how comfy it actually is, and only succeeds in looking like a bald St. Bernard.
Downstairs, Michael shows off his fancy new 12-inch plasma that he hung on the wall, and also points out the crude table he made out of what looks like a scraps from a broken shipping pallet. Jim gives Michael props, and Pam tells them that when Jim tried to set up her TiVo he left her TV mute for a week. Michael offers to help any time, which Jan turns into some subtle weirdness. Jim notices Michael's Dundies crammed into a corner trophy case, and we learn that Jan let him choose between putting the Dundies on display or a neon beer sign. Of course the Dundies won. Dundies always win.
Andy and Angela show up with flowers, one of which Andy pulls out for an unappreciative Angela. Pam offers to help with dinner (subtext: let's get this over with), but Jan informs her that she's got a three-hour recipe in progress. Pam looks at Jim with plain desperation as Andy and Angela get to start the tour.
In the living room, after the ads, everyone sits around drinking wine, with Michael trying to act the oenophile with the use of the term "oaky afterbirth." Jan jumps up and puts on a record of her ex-assistant Hunter's band (which is horrible), getting way too into it and doing the embarrassing middle-aged white woman dance. Michael complains about Hunter (since fired by Ryan), which leads to complaining about Pam (Angela joining in and everything). Pam, in turn, whispering-heads from the bathroom that she just wants to eat. "Which I realize is a lot to ask.. From a dinner party."
Now everyone's playing Celebrity, and Jan and Michael have started sniping at each other more openly. So Jim decides to "make a run for it." He comes out of the bathroom, holding up his cell phone and claiming to have a text from his landlord saying his apartment is flooded. He says he and Pam should go, but when Michael tells Pam to stay, Jim's about ready to head out alone and leave her to her fate. Pam, the only one who knows Jim's full of shit, uses code to say he's not going anywhere, and indeed he isn't. Nice try, Halpert.
Back to Celebrity. It's still Michael's turn, and he's sucking at it. Jan's criticizing him, Jim isn't helping with his deliberately wrong guesses, and he runs out of time. You won't believe this, but Michael's a total spaz about it.
It's now the silent part of the party. Pam seems chilly, so Michael gives Pam his jacket. Seeing this, Jan decides to get her revenge by telling everyone the story of how the sliding glass door broke: Michael ran through it because he thought he heard the ice cream truck. "So I like ice cream! Sue me!" Michael snipes back, and then jokes meanly that he shouldn't say that to Jan. That was actually kind of a good one. He adds that the glass was really clean, and Jan, symbolically sharing the frame with the fireplace, says that she guesses having cleaned it makes her the Devil. Michael raucously agrees, laughing, "And I'm in Hell! I'm burning!" This is what you call kidding on the square. Pam wants to escape to the kitchen for more wine, but Jan decides it's going to be a "girls' trip," and drags Angela along with them.
Once in the kitchen Jan, confronts Pam; apparently Michael told Jan that he and Pam used to date. Pam's like, "What? Noooooo." Times a million. Angela, of course, is on Jan's side again.
Out in the garage, Michael pitches Andy and Jim the idea of investing in Jan's candle company. Andy's already in, but when Jim balks, an embarrassed Michael drops the whole thing.
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Doorbell! It's Dwight - his hair combed up off his forehead -- and an old lady. ["Beth Grant! Still doubting your commitment to Sparkle Motion!" -- Joe R] "Awesome!" Pam whispers. Everyone wonders what they're doing there, including Dwight's aged date when she hears they weren't actually invited. Michael backs up Dwight, and when Jan protests and calls Michael selfish, he goes on a rant that I can't even get into except to say that it ends with the line, "You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person!" "You win! Let's have a fucking kid!" Jan wails in defeat. "Can we come in?" Dwight asks from the threshold. Is he sure he wants to?
Dinner. Finally. Except Dwight's the only one eating, since he brought a turkey leg and some beet salad that he and his date are picnicking on. Everyone else is sitting around with no food in front of them. Jan goes to check on it, and Michael leans forward to whisper to Pam that he thinks Jan might be poisoning him. Jan returns, delivering the first to plates to Michael and Pam. Hmmm. Looks like Pam's going to stay hungry a while longer.
With everyone's food delivered, Jan complains about Michael dipping his food in his wineglass. Hurt (he's got thin skin and soft teeth), he leaves the table. Jim asks how Dwight knows his date; turns out she was his babysitter. "Purely carnal, that's all you need to know," Dwight says. Jim asks for the babysitter's email address: "I have...so many questions." Here's the babysitter's question: "Email?"
Michael returns and hangs that giant neon beer sign on the wall, casting a blue glow and a loud buzz over the table. Jan tries to nicely ask Michael to take it down, and when he doesn't, she gets up and turns up Hunter's music again. And the thing you know, they're yelling at each other. It's looking like Michael's going to get the last word -- and they are "that's what she said!"-- but then Jan hurls a Dundie at Michael's $200 plasma TV. Michael screams at her, and she ducks into the bathroom. Cue the mass exodus of the guests. Thanks for a lovely evening!
As the guests leave, they run into the arriving cops ("Not now, Dwight," says one), who were called in due to a disturbance. You know, all the screaming. Michael's dealing with that when Jan comes out in tears, all repentant abuser. One of the cops asks Michael if he can sleep somewhere else that night, and Dwight steps up, since Jim reminds them his apartment is on fire. "Flooded," Pam corrects.
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Later, in the drive-thru parking lot, Jim and Pam eat fast food in their car and call each other "babe," like Jan and Michael did all evening. Jim stole Hunter's CD, and he pops it in the player, cueing a Magnolia-style montage: Michael rides home, hanging out the window of Dwight's car. At another drive-thru, Andy licks Angela's ice cream cone, and she's so offended that she opens her window and slams the gooey mess against the door of his Prius. She does not like his car. Alone at Michael's condo, Jan is failing to repair Michael's broken Dundie with Super Glue. Finally, Dwight blows past his babysitter waiting at a bus stop while Michael sleeps in the shotgun seat.
Welcome back, everyone!
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