We find Phyllis sitting at her desk, touching up kittycat makeup. Guy Across From Creed (Devon, not that we know) is dressed like a hobo. Creed is dressed like a vampire, which oddly makes him a lot more normal than he is these days. In a current episode, he'd be dressed like, perhaps, his own spleen. At reception, Pam is a kittycat also. (Heh -- an epidemic.) Michael strolls in, and Pam breaks the news that Jan called. In his office, Michael explains to us that Jan is calling because he's supposed to let someone go today, today being Halloween and the end of the month. He calls Jan, but he doesn't get her, because she's in a meeting. Instead, he gets Jan's assistant, Sherri, who just needs the name of who's being fired. One gets the impression that Jan isn't eager to speak to Michael personally. Michael says he doesn't know who's getting the boot, and he'll have to call back. Sherri presses, as Jan probably warned her she'd have to, but Michael changes the subject, asking how Sherri would want to be fired so she could stay friends with her boss. Sherri hesitates, ultimately (wisely) opts against discussing this matter with Michael, and repeats that Jan needs the name as soon as possible. When they've hung up, Michael mutters that he'd like to fire Sherri, which means, of course, that Sherri still on the line. She busts him and hangs up.
Credits. Oh, Michael's Dundie.
Still in his office, Michael is talking about how hard it is to lay anyone off. Pam pops her head in, and Michael has her sit down. He shows her his costume. Which is basically a copy of his own head in papier-mâché, which he is wearing on his shoulder, like he's twins with himself. It's very bizarre. I'm never sure if he has a concept of this as a costume (like "I'm beside myself!" or something), or if he's just being an idiot who thinks that you dress as a cat by tying one around your neck. He tells Pam, who's now studiously ignoring his second head, that he has to get rid of someone. She can't understand why he put it off so long. He says it's because Halloween is the perfect time to do something scary, but she thinks it's going to kind of bum out the party. He wants to know who Pam thinks might be laid off, but she doesn't want to answer -- she just answers the phone, after all. "And sometimes, you just let it go to voice mail," bullies Michael vaguely. Getting with the program, Pam starts to laugh artificially and says she thinks his costume is "fantastic." He says he ordered it in July. So...not something he thought of recently, the idea of wearing his own head on his own shoulder. She giggles indulgently at the costume, effectively making him forget what he asked her, and she finally leaves.
Jim arrives, with three large black circles taped to his shirt. Dwight dismissively asks what's up with the costume -- Dwight himself is in strange makeup and a long black cloak. Jim says, like it's obvious, that he's a three-hole-punch version of himself. See? It's a paper company joke. At least Phyllis thinks it's funny. "What about me?" Dwight demands, flipping his hood down and picking up his light saber. He buzzes at her. "What are you? A monk?" she asks with contempt. Frustrated, Dwight tells her he's a Sith lord. Dwight says Jim's shirt is nothing special, and his light saber cost $129. "Ass," Phyllis mutters. Phyllis! Still coming alive!
Over in Accounting, we get a spectacular shot of Kevin in a tight red superhero costume. I hope his power isn't the same thing that won him his Dundie. Angela is the third kittycat, and Oscar is a blonde woman in a blue dress. "Look at you," Michael says to Oscar as he drops in unexpectedly. "Showing your colors. Don't you wish you could wear a dress every day?" "What are you implying?" Oscar asks defensively, in a manner that creates another slight continuity issue. I mean, it kind of looks like Michael was ahead of his time here. Michael asks where the cobweb decorations went. Angela says she's baffled -- they were up last night. We see a brief shot of the cleaning person vacuuming giant fake cobwebs into a tube, which is surprisingly hilarious. Michael says to go buy some more decorations, and he'll approve it. And then he "casually" adds that they'll need to "find" some money -- a full employee's salary plus benefits. About $50,000. "Pretend that your jobs depend on it," he says. You know. Pretend.
In the break room, Michael comes across Kelly, who's dressed as Dorothy in The Wizard Of Oz. He compliments her outfit, but then tells her that it also would have been great for her to do Bend It Like Beckham. You know, with a soccer ball and cleats. She says, a little confused, that she doesn't really play soccer. "Well, I don't really have two heads," he laughs. Just another parallel between being Indian and having two heads.
At reception, Dwight is bugging Jim and Pam, and even goes so far as to reference Jim's costume and, when saying "three-hole punch," to punch him. Jim squirms. When Dwight is gone, Jim and Pam are hard at work, putting together a résumé for Dwight. For "Greatest Strength," Pam suggests "a dog-like obedience to authority," then admits that sounds bad. Jim earnestly THs that Dwight "is special," but the office isn't using all his talents, so he and Pam are sharing Dwight's materials, particularly anywhere that would cause him to leave the state or the country. They decide to add, rather literally, that Dwight "sticks to his guns."
In Accounting, Angela says there's one department with three people that could get by with two. Oscar says that's great, until he figures out that the department at issue is...kind of near his desk, if you get my drift.
In Michael's office, Dwight the Sith lord is looming over Michael's desk. Michael asks who he thinks should go. Of course, Dwight suggests Jim, but Michael protests that Jim "brings in money." He doesn't mention that he loves and admires Jim or that Jim protects him from everyone else instinctively, although those things are also true. Dwight starts offering up just about everyone else, starting with Phyllis. In a TH -- which is really a talking-heads in this episode, if you think about it -- Michael says that while this isn't a popularity contest, firing the least popular person does have the least effect on morale. (And it's easier, if you're a chicken. Which Michael is.) Then, we watch as Michael pretends to be taking orders from the papier-mâché head, taunting Dwight with the suggestion that PMH is whispering about someone Dwight forgot to mention as a possible candidate for dumping. "I didn't even think of him!" Michael says. Dwight is seen in profile, with only a little of his face showing outside his hulking hood, demanding to know what PMH is telling Michael. This is probably the closest Dwight comes to being literally certifiable. Because...it's a papier-mâché head. "Not. Me. Not. Dwight," Dwight says angrily. Dwight gets more and more exercised as Michael continues talking to PMH and implying that PMH is not such a big Dwight fan. "Quiet, you!" Dwight barks at...the head. I'm a little bit sad for him, you guys.
In the break room, Kittycat Angela is furious with Kittycat Pam for making brownies instead of chips and dip -- as I guess she was supposed to -- and "sabotaging things." Pam disgustedly THs that her belief is that Angela is the lady in her neighborhood who gives toothbrushes, pennies, and walnuts on Halloween. I bet she hands out coal, even though it's not holiday-appropriate.
Pam answers a call. She frantically gestures to Jim that he's on, while telling the caller that she'll put him right through to Michael Scott. Jim picks up his phone. "Michael Scott," Jim says. "Yes, I am regional manager of this orifice." Nice callback. He goes on to recommend Dwight most highly as Pam giggles at her desk. After promising that Dwight is the "greatest employee of his generation," Jim says that if the caller hires Dwight and it doesn't work out great, he can hold him -- Michael Scott -- responsible. Hanging up, Jim does an uncanny impression of one of Michael's little weird-outs where he starts with "okay" and ends up making a string of random noises: "Ugg-ay-ugg-ay-ugg-ay." Impressive. When he's done on the phone, Jim shares a distance-five with Pam. It's good to have a friend.
Dwight marches up to Stanley's desk. "As assistant regional manager," he begins. "To the," Stanley deadpans. Dwight tells Stanley that he's fired, and to pack his things. Stanley just laughs. Not angrily, just like he thinks it's really, really funny that Dwight's attempting to fire him. The more Dwight insists that Stanley is so fired, the more Stanley giggles. Finally, Stanley tells Dwight to remove his fingers from Stanley's phone so Stanley can get back to work.
Dwight reports back to Michael, which is how we learn that this was apparently done on Michael's orders. Michael asks how it went, and Dwight says Stanley wouldn't accept the firing. Dwight says Michael will have to fire Stanley himself. Michael says that he won't fire "those big, baleful eyes."
Later, Dwight is on the phone with his prospective employer. He's talking in low tones, wondering how the company got his résumé. And he's also not sure if the material they have is current. It turns out that his current martial-arts skills aren't there, so Dwight wants to update the résumé for them. He's clearly not displeased by their inquiry. Sith Dwight THs that he's very loyal. In fact, he's being paid for his loyalty. But if someone else would pay more for his loyalty, then that would also be fine with him. You've got to credit him with some interesting work in the field of definitions.
Ryan, on his way into the bathroom, runs into Oscar, on his way out. Ryan alerts Oscar that his dress is tucked into his pantyhose. Oscar fixes it. And that's how the old boys' club creates an advantage for men. Always somebody there to tell you if your skirt's hiked up.
Jim and Pam sit in the foreground pretending not to eavesdrop as Dwight loses the job after getting into a fight with whomever about whether martial-arts training is relevant. ("I know about a billion Asians who would beg to differ!") Kittycat Pam THs that Jim is "really talented" and should get the better job. In fact, she tells him as he stands at reception that he should go for the job. This is not quite the right way to approach this, and he's visibly hurt that she'd suggest that he leave. "It's in Maryland," he says with a nervous laugh. She says she still thinks he should go for it. Unprepared to ask her not to want him to stay around more than she does on her own (according to the property of The Show Of Emotion You Have To Ask For Instantly Becomes Meaningless), Jim says he'll think about it and walks off. Realizing she hurt his feelings, she says, "Jim," but nothing more.
In Michael's office, Dwight waves his job offer around in a horribly misguided effort to get a raise. Of course, Michael would love it if Dwight quit, because he wouldn't have to fire anyone, so all Michael is now is miserable. Dwight keeps not listening and trying to leverage the offer, but Michael is solely pissed that Dwight didn't take it and wants to know if he can take back his "refusal" of the offer. Dwight is forced to admit that there was no offer, and Michael yells, "Huuuuuh, why are you torturing me?" Jim THs that he doesn't think Michael has even chosen a victim yet. He figures that Michael is hoping someone will either offer to quit or be hit by a bus, and that Michael will ultimately be forced to simply pick the first person to "give him a dirty look." Jim pauses. "And therein lies the true essence of [Michael's] charisma," he explains.
Michael busts into the TH and asks to see Jim. Uh-oh! Michael removes PMH as he walks into his office -- this is a serious discussion, apparently -- and Jim gives Pam a nervous look, which she returns. Menacingly, Dwight stares at Pam, pulls his hood over his head, and draws a finger across his throat. Pam worries and frowns.
But it turns out that what Michael wants is for Jim to role-play the upcoming firing. Jim will play Michael, and Michael will play Creed. "Oh, you're firing Creed?" Jim says. Michael, of course, claims not to know yet. The role-play consists of Jim gently firing Michael/Creed, and Michael/Creed threatening loudly to kill himself. Huh. That took a turn. As Michael/Creed freaks out, Jim answers Michael's ringing phone, telling "Creed" he really needs to take the call. Returning to reality, Michael finally retakes his desk. As Jim leaves Michael's office, Pam grabs his hand to ask what happened, and Jim explains that he wasn't fired. She's very relieved. Still stung from earlier, he's polite, but draws his hand away. No handsies when you're being all detached, Beesly.
Michael emerges from his office and calls Creed in. Creed removes his vampire teeth. As you do. In the office, Michael says he thinks Creed wants more than this job and wants to "spread his wings." Creed insists that this is entirely incorrect. He wants to stay. Michael disagrees. Creed insists. Michael finally chokes his way into doing as he must, and he tells Creed that he has to let someone go, and it's going to be Creed. Creed isn't going to take this lying down (in his coffin, har har!), and he immediately tells Michael they'll "fight this thing together like the old days." He insists that Michael can "undo it." Everyone out in the office is suffering silently through the unavoidable overhearing of Creed yelling at Michael not to do this and Michael resisting. A rare unrelated but pointed TH is inserted in which Michael explains that he once went hunting, shot a deer in the leg, and wound up killing it with a shovel over the course of an hour. Hee hee. Back in the office, Creed The Slow-Dying Buck says Michael should fire Devon. Michael says he can't -- Creed will already think of Michael as someone who almost fired him. Creed insists that he won't think that. No, he'll consider Michael his "savior." Without really letting Michael answer, Creed scurries out of the room. Michael comes out of the office and calls for Devon. It's shocking how right-on Jim was about the fact that Michael would ultimately choose the path of least resistance, firing the first person who made it easy for him.
In Michael's office, Devon argues for his life, just as Creed did. Funny, given how crappy this work environment is, to see how eager people still are to keep their jobs. It's an insecure world for the working man, you know. Michael figures that it's too late to change his mind -- again -- so this time, he's sticking to his decision. But he hopes that he and Devon can "remain friends." Devon looks at Michael like he's still wearing PMH. Michael follows Devon out to reception, where he somberly announces that, in addition to severance pay, Devon will receive a gift certificate to Chili's. Again, Devon gives him the PMH look. As Devon lustily tears up the gift certificate, he loudly invites everyone in the office by name -- omitting only Creed, Michael, Dwight, and Angela, and remembering even "the temp" -- to Poor Richard's for a drink. "And the rest of you can go to hell!" And then he's gone. Angela wants to know what about the Halloween party. My advice? Don't go as any sort of wild game.
As everyone leaves for Poor Richard's, Pam stops Jim to tell him she's sorry about telling him to go to Maryland. She says that if he left, she would "blow [her] brains out." This makes him chuckle, and he seems to forgive her, throwing her the head-tilt to come with him to the bar. Jim THs that he's sure Pam isn't literally saying she'd kill herself. He wouldn't kill himself if she left, after all. But he'd take the other job -- better pay, and he loves soft-shell crab.
And then we watch as Creed vigorously smashes a pumpkin on the windshield of Michael's car. Not the Sebring!