The college letters are in, and all on the same exact day, too! Ryan and Marissa both get into Berkeley. Summer gets into Brown, as does Seth -- at least, that's what he tells everyone. He actually doesn't get in, but lies because Summer won't go to Brown without her boyfriend, which pretty much tells you right there that she isn't smart enough to have gotten in in the first place. Because no one can be happy for long, Sadie and Ryan break up because Ryan will be leaving for college, and then decide that their two-week-old relationship is great enough that Sadie should move to Berkeley with Ryan, then finally decide to break up again when they realize that having a Townie girlfriend does not make for a fun college experience. Seth can't bring himself to tell Summer the truth about his rejection, and instead settles for a lie that will make her feel even worse -- he doesn't want to go to Brown anymore, but he does think it's the right school for her. Summer's heart is broken. Marissa continues to sleep with Volchok and not go to school and not care about her future, which is fine since no one else cares about her future, either. Or her present, really. Julie tries to convince Dr. Neil that he isn't going to get an out-of-control brat for a new stepdaughter, and fails. No one cares about the hospital storyline, and Kirsten even walks out on Sandy because she's so bored with it.
Many thanks to Djb for covering for me last week and to all you kindly readers who sent me supportive words about my apartment robbery.
We open on Seth wearing a set of long johns and looking not so great. Then again, I don't think anyone can pull off the long johns look. Summer pronounces it "not bad," though, and hands him a winter jacket that matches hers. They'll be the warmest and most matching couple at Brown, she says. I suspect they'll also have the fewest friends. Seth wonders if Summer might be "jumping the gun" here, since they haven't even gotten their acceptance letters yet, but Summer -- who knows about as much about the college admissions process as she does about Seth's Yakuza films -- says that they're both sure to get in with their stellar records. She also says that if Seth doesn't get in and she does, then she'll turn Brown down, because she just wants to go to the same college as her boyfriend and only applied to Brown to be with him in the first place. Way to be pathetic, Summer.
Over in the poolhouse, Ryan and Sadie are making out with all their clothes on. They stop so that Ryan can exposit that Sadie is still in town because the house has a ninety-day escrow process to go through before it can be sold, which doesn't make any sense, since Bob was freaking living there last week. But let's forget about that; the writers apparently already have. Sadie brings up college and kills the mood. Ryan would have rather pretended that he wasn't on the verge of going to school and presumably leaving Sadie behind, but she says that "ignoring the future never makes it go away," making her the only person on this show to have learned that lesson, whereas most of the characters are still hung up on the concept of being aware of the present.
Ryan gets some water from the Big House, where he finds Seth already standing in the open fridge in his long johns and parka. Seth hands Ryan a water of Future Worry, and they commiserate. "There's a cold front comin' through," Seth says. Expect it to bring heavy showers of cheesy dialogue.
The morning, Marissa and Summer share yet another tense breakfast, still angry at each other from last week. Julie strolls out and bids them a good morning before taking an interest in her daughter's life for three seconds, which is long enough to mention college acceptance letters, due any day. She also asks Marissa if her new friend could be a little quieter with his motorcycle in order not to wake up Dr. Neil time he drops Marissa off at some ungodly hour. And while I would agree that it is important for people to get their beauty sleep (not that it's ever done Dr. Neil much good), I would have thought it might be a more pressing issue that your daughter is cavorting around at all hours with some guy who rides a motorcycle. Marissa snots something about Julie wanting to hide, from Dr. Neil, the fact that she has a trailer-park family, and leaves. Julie does the right motherly thing and asks Summer if she should be concerned about Marissa instead of, you know, asking her directly.
Sandy comes over to Griffin's private tennis court at a low-angle shot so that they can discuss Matt's recent run-in with Griffin's goons in a most dramatic fashion. Griffin, of course, denies having had anything to do with Matt's facial injuries. Sandy isn't so willing to believe him, even for the sake of that stupid hospital, and demands that Griffin resign from the board within forty-eight hours or else Sandy will "do everything in [his] power to take [Griffin] down." This threat means absolutely nothing unless Griffin is allergic to churros. Sandy starts by demoralizing Griffin by tiny pieces at a time, starting with the insult to Griffin's tennis game that he very professionally tosses off on his way out.
Ryan, Summer, and Seth show up for school, where they run into Taylor Townsend, who invites them to the "College Sweatshirt Bonfire," something Seth rudely, if accurately, pronounces "incredibly lame." His insults bounce right off Taylor's perky attitude and even perkier chest, though, and she goes to give them all flyers to hand out, at which point Ryan and Seth make their escape. Taylor Townsend calls their obvious hatred of her and the activities she cares about "cute," and dumps the flyers in Summer's uneager arms. She then asks about Marissa, who apparently re-joined the Social Committee after she re-enrolled at Harbor and was supposed to provide the food for the bonfire. Putting Marissa in charge of the food was a bad idea for two reasons: first, Marissa can't be trusted to fulfill her obligations, downward spiral or no, and second, she certainly doesn't know what she's doing when it comes to that foreign object others seem to enjoy and refer to as "food."
As Taylor Townsend calls a restaurant to secure some last-minute goodies for the bonfire, Marissa strolls into school, looking like a proper coke fiend. Strangly, she doesn't look or walk any differently than when she's not on coke. She gets a call from Volchok, who seems to be in his secret lair down in a basement that's supposed to be all ghetto and junky but it actually a lot nicer than any apartment I could afford and probably better decorated, too. He braces himself to talk to her by drinking a beer and then makes the mistake of asking Marissa how she's doing, earning him an earful about everything that's going on in Marissa's life that sucks, which is no more interesting to him than it is to any of us. He invites her to a party on the beach. She accepts, and he says he'll be at Harbor to pick her up in a half an hour even though the party isn't until nighttime. But he isn't wearing a shirt during this whole scene and that's great.
Meanwhile, over in Wonderful Happy Perfect Relationship Land, Ryan arrives at Sadie's house. I do wonder where Bob went. Maybe he moved into Volchok's cavernous apartment. It's so big, he wouldn't even notice an extra person there. Sadie reads Ryan's palm to see if he got into Berkeley, in an effort to make her look like a "fun" and "carefree" sort of girl, but only comes up with something about dark-haired girls stealing Ryan's heart. Ryan's palm is really cliché.
Volchok and Marissa motorcycle into Dr. Neil's driveway. They're both wearing helmets, which slightly detracts from the bad-ass devil-may-care attitude they're supposed to have. Marissa runs into the house to get a jacket, since even the warm weather of Southern California is cold when you don't have an ounce of body fat, and Volchok asks her to grab some beer money for them while she's there. Marissa acts all put out by this, like Volchok wasn't paying for her beer and coke this whole time already, not to mention the gas he's using to drive her ass around town. Isn't Marissa doing enough to kill feminism already without being a bitch about having to pay her fair share?
Inside the house, Marissa puts on a seriously ugly jacket made of shiny "leather" -- which I'm pretty sure is from Julie's garbage bag at the bottom of her closet labeled "'80s fashion trends that should never repeated but probably will be, thanks to TV shows about troubled and 'fashion-forward' teens" -- and makes a stop at her mother's pocketbook, which is chock-full of money now that Julie has her new sugar daddy. Marissa grabs the money and notices an envelope from Berkley to the pocketbook. It's a huge envelope, too, so we can assume that she got in despite never attending any of her high-school classes. She opens it, and sure enough, there's an acceptance letter. Marissa smiles, and then makes her angry face and tosses the college stuff in the most prominent trashcan in the house so that everyone can see that she's troubled and not sure what to do with her future and pay attention to her.
For the first time in his life, Seth actually does a household chore: he brings in the mail. We see an envelope that's identical to the one Marissa got. Looks like Ryan's going to Berkeley!
Meanwhile, Summer finds her college envelope on the table to Julie's pocketbook. She opens it to find that she's been accepted to Brown.
Ryan comes home and opens his envelope. He's been accepted to Berkeley.
Seth opens his envelope in the privacy of his bedroom. It's a big envelope, too, which makes it all the more painful when there's a rejection letter inside of it. Sad, but fortunately Seth applied to several schools and therefore is sure to have some acceptances to fall on -- oh, wait. I forgot that this is a television show where kids only apply to one school. Sucks to be you, Seth!
Summer walks into the Cohen house, where she meets Ryan. They share a nice moment of being really happy for each other's good news and hugging, and then Seth comes downstairs looking forlorn. When Summer asks him if he got in, he hesitates for dramatic effect before lying that he did. This gets him a hug from Ryan and Summer at the same time, which is as awkward-looking as you'd expect.
The morning, Seth gets on the phone with the Brown admissions people, asking if he can appeal their decision, because, as he stupidly tells them, he really wants to go to the same school as his girlfriend. They hang up on him. Maybe if you wanted to go that badly, Seth, you wouldn't have screwed up your first interview, hmm?
Kirsten walks into the kitchen to remind us all that she's still a member of the cast. She sees Sandy staring out the kitchen window and tells him to turn his frown upside down, because their kids got into college and therefore they are successes as parents after all. Seth enters and is congratulated by both of his parents, who apparently didn't have the time in their busy schedules to do that yesterday, when the letters actually arrived. They give Ryan identical hugs when he walks in and decide that they should have a congratulatory dinner tonight, because that's the only way the adults on this show can get any screen time.
Over at the Roberts home, Julie is so angry at Marissa for not making it home last night that she forgot to put a shirt on. That's the only excuse I can think of for that thing she's wearing, in which the upper half of her body is covered by two strategically-placed straps of fabric and a necklace-thing that runs down the middle of it. Horrible. She leaves a message on Marissa's cell phone telling her to call her back, whereas any other parent would have called the police to report her child missing by now, and Dr. Neil comes outside with Marissa's Berkeley letter from the trash can she left it in for someone to find. He tells Julie to stop pretending that Marissa isn't having yet another life crisis, and to talk to her.
Marissa wakes up in Volchok's bed. The screen suddenly and without warning turns dark red as she gets up and puts some clothes on, which very subtlely illustrates all the sinning and hellish behavior Marissa has been up to. The camera eventually pulls back to reveal that we're actually just watching Marissa through one of those translucent red screens that poor, dirty, working-class surfers are prone to use as room dividers for their huge-ass lofts. Volchok wakes up while Marissa's putting her socks on and asks her what her plans are for the day. She says she's going to make it to school before fifth period (and how, exactly, isn't she in detention for all the class-skipping she's been doing lately?), and then tomorrow night she'll be attending that sweatshirt bonfire, which Volchok pronounces "the gayest thing [he's] ever heard." Vochok's use of homophobic adjectives makes me think he's a bad-ass. He invites Marissa to come with him and his surfing buddies to Baja for a weekend of surfing and Mexican weed instead.
At school, Ryan runs into Summer and asks her about the Cohen dinner party, which she didn't know about yet. She's enraged to be left out of the loop, and tells Ryan to give Seth something from her -- a hair-pull. She's lucky Ryan didn't instinctively spin around and punch her in the face for that. It would certainly have taught her a valuable lesson about attacking people, though.
Ryan finds Seth hiding from the action in the Harbor lounge area. Seth's blah reaction about Summer coming to dinner tips Ryan off that something might be wrong in Seth's life, and he asks him about it. But Seth denies it and asks Ryan how he'll tell Sadie about his college acceptance. Ryan admits that it will be difficult; how do you tell someone that you're leaving her to go to college? "I wish I knew," Seth says. For someone who's trying to hide the fact that he didn't get into Brown, Seth sure is making it pretty obvious.
Ryan stops by Sadie's place. She compliments his "perfect timing," since she just "finished working." We see the fruits of her "labor," and I don't know why she just spent all day making those necklaces when she could have just gone down to the local Claire's and bought them all on a three-for-one deal. Before Ryan can tell her his college news, she congratulates him, saying she figured he made it in when he didn't call her last night. Sadie gets right to the point: what will happen to their relationship now? Ryan says that he doesn't even leave for Berkeley until August, and therefore would rather think about it when the times comes, but Sadie says she isn't into relationships that have a set end point. Which, when you think about it, is every relationship. Whether it be college or death, you will eventually be separated. But Ryan has his charm on his side and tells Sadie that he's happier with her than he has been with anyone else he's ever dated, which isn't saying a whole hell of a lot. I guess it's something. Sadie stands up and says that her jewelry business is "portable," which makes sense when you consider the fact that it isn't a real business, so if Ryan wants her to move to Berkeley with him, she will. As it is, she's only in Newport because of him. They make out loudly until Ryan comes up for air and to say that he wants her to move to Berkeley with him.
Nighttime at the Cohen House! Summer strolls in dressed in her best Rory Gilmore finery, explaining to Sandy and Kirsten that she's going to dress like she belongs at an Ivy now that she's been accepted to one. Which is fine, I guess, except for the fact that she's sporting glasses now that, while they do up the Nerd Quotient, aren't all that useful if you don't need your vision corrected. And as far as I know, Summer's eyes are fine. Ryan and Sadie enter the kitchen, making the dinner party complete, so everyone moves outside to the designated Dinner Party Eating Area.
Sandy and Kirsten tell Sadie some of their old college stories, after which Kirsten tells Sadie she should "try and visit" the place, thereby giving Ryan the perfect window of opportunity to tell them that Sadie won't be visiting him in Berkeley, since she'll already be living there. "I don't understand; did you apply to Berkeley?" Kirsten asks, apparently believing that only people who go to college live in the city with a population of over one hundred thousand people. It seems that Kirsten's IQ is directly proportional to her screen time. Sadie explains that she'll be moving her jewelry "business" up there to be with Ryan, and no one says anything because they're all too busy giving each other looks of dread and sadness. Well, except for Summer, who totally supports girls who give up on their own dreams and priorities to be with their true loves after knowing them for, like, a week. Since all Cohen dinner parties must end with at least one guest leaving in a huff, Sadie uncharacteristically throws a bit of a hissyfit and takes off.
Seth drives Summer home. She repeats her claim that Sadie's moving to Berkeley to be with Ryan is a good thing. At the same time, Seth says he doesn't know what Ryan is thinking, wasting his fun college years to be with Sadie, who Seth doesn't think Ryan could possibly know is the right girl for him since Ryan is only eighteen. Whoops! Seth and Summer are eighteen too, and Summer does not, understandably, want to hear this. She leaves the car in tears. Seth doesn't try to stop her. He is an asshole.
Julie enters Marissa's room and gets a faceful of attitude. Marissa immediately says that she will not be going to the stupid sweatshirt bonfire tonight and that nothing Julie says will change her mind, even though I doubt Julie cares about some sweatshirt bonfire when she barely bothers to make sure her daughter spends the night in her own home. Julie is here for something else: a rare mother-daughter talk. She says that she doesn't know what Marissa's latest downward spiral is all about or what she did to cause it (because Julie hasn't taken the time to think about anything where her daughter is concerned), but she wants it to stop. For Marissa's sake, not hers. I mean, it certainly doesn't have anything to do with Julie's wanting her life to look as simple and problem-free as possible for the guy who's about to marry into it. Marissa informs her mother that this isn't about Julie: it's about Marissa. Just like everything else on this show. She says she can't picture herself at Berkeley no matter how hard she tries. Maybe if she had taken the time to visit the campus or at least look at a picture or two of it, constructing the mental image might be a little easier for her now. Plus I hear coke inhibits your imagination. Julie tells Marissa that she is better than she thinks she is and deserving of more, too. I agree; Marissa deserves a lot more. A few well-placed kicks in the ass, for example. "Marissa, please don't give up on yourself," Julie says, almost sounding like a good mother. "You have no idea how much I want this for you." Oh, she just blew it. Remember, Julie: it's not about you, it's about MARISSA. She graciously agrees to "think about" going to college.
For a change, Ryan brings coffee to Seth's bedroom instead of Seth's bringing it through those wide-open poolhouse doors. Seth asks Ryan how things went with him and Sadie last night after the dinner, and Ryan admits that springing his big news on their parents like that was probably not the best idea. Seth tells Ryan about his fight with Summer. He doesn't see any point in trying to make things up with her because it's "complicated" and he doesn't seem to see him and Summer having much of a future together anyway. Ryan sees right through this and asks Seth, straight-up, if he really got into Brown. How is he the only person to figure this out? I mean, didn't Seth's parents at least want to see his acceptance letter? I believe my parents stuck mine on the fridge and made photocopies of it to send to relatives, so happy and excited were they for me. Seth lists off all the academic credentials he has that made him the perfect choice for Brown before giving up on his lie and wondering how he could have possibly gotten rejected as he did. Ryan tells Seth to tell Summer the truth, even if it means that Summer will turn down Brown to stay with Seth. It's Summer's call to make, Ryan very reasonably says. Of course, his advice will not be followed. He picks up and leaves the room at that, not even bothering to give Seth a few words of condolence for not getting into his dream school or a shoulder to cry on or anything. I think everyone on this show hates each other and they only pretend to be friends now because they don't have anyone else.
Ryan meets Sadie for breakfast at the diner. He invites her to the stupid bonfire tonight and apologizes for the Cohens' dinnertime reactions. Sadie says that those reactions might not have been such a bad thing; it showed her that she and Ryan made a spur-of-the-moment decision that might warrant some more mulling over. Ryan disagrees, saying that he wants to stay with Sadie and doesn't think she'll be getting in the way of his college experience. "I feel more myself with you than anyone," he tells her very seriously. And I have no doubt that he totally means that after knowing her for all of three weeks and her being kind of a rebound girlfriend besides. Then again, she is, like, the only person on this show who actually lets Ryan speak and express his personal opinions.
Summer and Taylor Townsend pick up some sweatshirt-party goodies from the Korean restaurant, allowing us to watch Taylor Townsend in all her fluent Korean flirting glory again, which is never a bad thing. While she and Sung-Ho hit it off, Summer sulks. Unlike everyone else on this show, Taylor Townsend possess something I like to call "the ability to notice and care about the feelings of others," and assures Summer that she and Seth will work things out. Summer doesn't understand why, after her and Seth's dream (a.k.a. Seth's dream that she latched onto because she didn't have one of her own) finally came true, he would turn around and trash it. Not to worry, Summer! Taylor Townsend has one of her bizarre nature analogies just for you: keeping your man is like capturing a silverback gorilla in the Ugandan highlands. The gorilla wants to roam wild and free, even though it's better off in the reliable and safe environment of a zoo. Thus, Summer should let Seth "roar and beat his chest" and then "shoot him with a tranq dart." Summer actually understands what Taylor Townsend is trying to say, much to Taylor's surprise and delight. I, on the other hand, am still sort of lost.
Sandy stops by the poolhouse to give Ryan a present: his old Berkeley sweatshirt. He's even got one of Kirsten's for Sadie to wear. With this supportive gesture, he apologizes for the way he and Kirsten acted at the dinner and says that they think Sadie is great and that they know that he cares about her, but that...living with Sadie will mean that Ryan will have to live off-campus, and probably have to shell out for food, since Sadie won't be on the meal plan (not like the food served on that is anything to cheer over). Which means that Ryan will have to get a job to support himself, since Sandy and Kirsten won't be covering his non-tuition fees if he's living with Sadie. Ryan says he understands, although he hadn't really considered all this until now. And now that he is considering it, he doesn't look very happy. Which is probably exactly what Sandy was hoping for. Supportive over Ryan's decisions, my ass. He leaves Ryan with a story about how, when he drove out to Berkeley for his first year of school, he spent the night in some random small town and realized how terrified he was and almost didn't go any further. That would have been a good story if it wasn't missing an entire third act. Ryan insists that he isn't moving with Sadie because he's scared of being alone at Berkeley. "Okay," Sandy says in his "you're lying to yourself" voice. He leaves, and Ryan stares at Kirsten's old yellow sweatshirt and wonders how, exactly, she's kept the color so sharp and vibrant after all these years.
Marissa calls Volchok and tells him that she won't be going to Baja with him after all. "Yeah, sure, whatever," Volchok responds, hanging up on her ass. Hee hee.
Ryan lets himself into Sadie's (Bob's, really) unlocked house and calls out for her, although not with the tone of voice of someone who actually wants to see the person he's asking for. He's probably thinking of all those expensive meals he'll be buying without his meal plan. I hear that on Sunday nights, you get an all-you-can-eat sundae buffet. Sadie finally appears with some great news: she talked to the guy who sells her jewelry in the Bay Area, and he actually existed! Seriously, we all know that no one's buying Sadie's crappy little baubles. Keep dreaming though, Sadie. Anyway, she talked to the guy and he told her that he runs an "artist co-op" (read: crackhouse) in Berkeley that they can live in. "That's amazing," Ryan says, sounding like he thinks it's exactly the opposite. With that, they get ready to go to the party, Ryan wearing Sandy's sweatshirt and Sadie wearing her own clothes, since she doesn't have a college sweatshirt and Ryan isn't offering her Kirsten's. Amazing how he went from wanting to live with Sadie forever to wanting her out of his life as soon as possible as soon as Sandy mentioned money.
Seth shows up at Summer's bedroom ready to tell her the truth. But she isn't home, having already gone to the bonfire with Taylor to set up. He enters her room anyway, where he sees the College Collage Summer has made, full of pictures from the Brown brochure and photos of Summer and Seth together. Seth looks pained as he tries to figure out if that's really cute or really creepy.
After the commercial, Seth is gone and Marissa is in her new bedroom, across from Summer's. Where was she when Seth was wandering the house all alone? My guess is sitting in the lifeguard tower looking tragically beautiful. Summer and Marissa spot each other across the hall and compare their sad and lonely faces for a minute. Then Marissa asks Summer if something is wrong with her and Seth. "Don't worry about it," Summer says redundantly. Marissa walks over to Summer's room to apologize for being such a bitch and a crappy friend and to beg for another chance. Of course she gets one from Summer the Doormat, who asks Marissa if she remembers the movie Seth and Ryan made them watch "about the gay guys on the mountain." "Lord Of The Rings," Marissa says, and I must admit that her stoic and sure delivery of that line was very funny. Summer says that Seth's becoming more and more evil the closer to Brown he gets is a lot like how Gollum was as they approached the fire. That's not much of an analogy, and I suspect that only had her say that because they were so proud of their Lord Of The Rings joke. Marissa responds with an extremely fake "aw!" that sounds more like she's reacting to a cute puppy than to her best friend's broken heart. She assures Summer that her relationship with Seth will be fine because they love each other. "Thanks," Summer says, forgetting to add the "for nothing."
Now that Summer's issues have been brushed aside, we can focus on Marissa. Summer asks her what the hell is wrong with her lately. Marissa says that she "doesn't know" and that she keeps "trying to get back to the life" she remembers, but that "it never seems to work." I'm guessing that all the scenes that showed us these attempts were cut, since the only thing we've actually seen Marissa try to do lately is make as big a scene as possible at the dinner table to embarrass her mother in front of her new fiancé. Summer says she's hurt that Marissa didn't talk to her best friend about any of this. "I'm sorry," Marissa says. Conflict resolved! Now Summer has a present for Marissa, and just in time for the sweatshirt party: a pink Berkeley sweatshirt! Summer says she bought it for Marissa a few months ago: "Looks like somebody believed in you." If I don't believe in Marissa, will I not be able to see her ever again? That would be nice.
Dr. Neil waddles up to Julie, who isn't receiving guests at the moment. She says that she's too busy worrying about Marissa to do her problem-free fiancée act. Dr. Neil apologizes for making Julie feel like she had to act like everything in her life was perfect in order to keep him around, and says that Marissa is "lucky" to have a mother like her. Most teens would agree with this, relishing the idea of having a mother who would let them run around all day and night without supervision or consequence. Summer and Marissa interrupt them by walking out, clad in sweatshirts, on their way to the sweatshirt party.
Time for a cheesy sweatshirt-party montage! I really don't get the concept of this party, which just seems like a really mean way for the kids who didn't get into the good schools to feel like crap. Not to mention the kids who aren't going to college after high school at all. I mean, yeah, Harbor is a private school with a higher percentage of college-bound graduates than an average school, but surely there are some kids who don't want to continue their education for whatever reason. And how does everyone have a sweatshirt from the college they got accepted from so quickly? I was a junior in my college before I bought one of their sweatshirts, and that was only because I realized that I could charge it to my parents' account and they wouldn't find out. I also used this theory to go on a week-long black bean soup bender (the bookstore had a café with the best black bean soup ever. Even now, my mouth waters at the distant memory of it). It turns out that my parents read tuition bills much more carefully than I thought, and that my unnecessary charges to their bill were discovered, along with the three parking tickets I had managed to get. But anyway, Ryan and Sadie meet up with Marissa and Summer and awkward "hello"s are exchanged. Things get worse when Seth walks up, not wearing a sweatshirt, and then Taylor Townsend runs over to get a picture of the "core four," shoving Sadie aside. The picture comes out as terrible as you'd expect from that set-up, with Seth looking especially bad. But Taylor Townsend pronounces it "so cute." She doesn't even pick at Marissa for slacking in her Social Committee duties and yet still going to the party. Sigh. The group breaks up when Seth pulls Summer aside to talk to her, and Taylor Townsend leads Sadie over to the food. As they walk, Taylor Townsend tells Sadie how she "used to be, like, total enemies with those guys, but now [she's] pretty much second-circle core" (a.k.a. recurring special guest star). It's sad how happy Taylor is to have almost-friends.
This leaves Ryan and Marissa alone together, and it is awkward. They compliment each other's Berkeley sweatshirts and then run out of things to say. After a while, Ryan asks Marissa how she's doing, and she says that her sweatshirt is choking her. Way to dump on Summer's considerate gift there, you bitch. She also says that she doesn't feel right at this party, and Ryan tells her that even though they aren't together anymore, he's there for Marissa if she ever needs him. Now he can look forward to his phone ringing with a call from her every time he tries to go to the diner with Sadie. Nice move. After that, Ryan walks away, leaving Marissa alone, all alone. If no one else wants to be around Marissa, then why are we, the viewing audience, forced to do it?
Taylor Townsend is introducing Sadie to Sung-Ho, whom she presumably invited to the party and gave a college sweatshirt to, since I doubt a non-white person like him would be a student at the white, white Harbor. Plus, I'm not sure if he speaks English. We've only seen him speak to Taylor in Korean. And what college sweatshirt is she wearing, anyway? People in the forums think it's for the Sorbonne, and I hope not for the viewers' sake, although I think that Taylor Townsend would fit in very well with the French. Having only been able to make out the "ORB" on the shirt, I thought maybe she was going to some made up college called "Korbell" that all the characters would somehow end up at for season.
Griffin invites Sandy to a fancy bar to give him his answer to the question Sandy posed way at the beginning of the episode. Not surprisingly, Griffin says he won't be quitting his position anytime soon. He denies having had anything to do with Matt the Non-Entity getting beaten up, which Sandy doesn't believe for a second. Griffin then makes Sandy an offer that's hard to refuse: a $700 million deal to revitalize the area around that new hospital. I just hope the plans include a place for those sidewalk churro vendors! Sandy mulls this over as the Chimes of Doom play.
Those chimes conveniently double as the Cohen doorbell, being rung in the scene by Matt, who's stopping by with a "proposal" for Sandy. No one cares about this, and since Sandy isn't home and it's Kirsten who answers the door, we don't have to hear what it is. Kirsten is very upset to see what happened to Sandy's former employee. He tells her that "someone" broke into his apartment, and that Kirsten's "gotta...gotta get [Sandy] to quit this. 'Cause pretty soon it's gonna be too late." I wouldn't take advice from a guy with a swollen face, but I'm not Kirsten, and she looks concerned.
Seth and Summer have their Talk. Seth's having trouble finding the words for his confession, so Summer decides to speak first. She says that she knows about Seth's gorilla brain issue, but that he can't keep "freaking out" on her if they're going to be at college together year. This paves the way for Seth to tell her the truth, but he doesn't, instead settling for a half-truth that Brown isn't the right school for him, while not saying that the reason why he thinks this is that Brown told him that he isn't the right student for it. He does think that Summer should still go, though. He'll have to find somewhere else to apply to, since neither he nor anyone else on this show apparently applied to more than one freaking school. Way to advise your students on the proper college admissions procedure, there, Harbor. Summer is absolutely heartbroken, since she sees Seth's statements as meaning that he wants to go to college, but he doesn't want to be there with her, which I'm sure is so much better for her than if Seth had just told her the fucking truth already. Summer pronounces their relationship over and leaves Seth sitting alone in a deck chair, his head bowed with failure and sadness.
Ryan finds Sadie sitting alone, too. She tells him that she won't be coming to Berkeley with him after all, even though he is a "nice guy." Has she ever even said that she likes him as much as he says he likes her? And are we even supposed to care that this character we just met and haven't gotten to know as anything other than Ryan's Replacement Girlfriend is going to be leaving now? Because I don't. Neither does Ryan, who just seems relieved to be rid of his sudden burden while Sadie explains that he'll be in his own college world year and she'll just be pulling him away from it. "You won't get to experience college the way you should," she says. And she's right. She's leaving in the morning, and I'm sure Bob will be happy to have her out of the house he owns. Ryan offers to drive her home, but she says she'd rather say goodbye here. In a crowd on the beach. Where they can't have sex. Fun. "Keep in touch," she says, before walking off toward the ocean. I guess she'll be sailing back to Portland. Or walking on water.
Sandy comes home to find Kirsten waiting for him, sitting in the darkness and looking pissed off and really scary. She tells him that Matt came by while he was out, and that she wants Sandy to promise her that he'll "quit this thing." I love how the writers don't even know what to call Sandy's hospital deal anymore and have resorted to just calling it "this" and "thing." Sandy says it's too complicated to quit, and Kirsten accuses him of turning into her father. Sandy says he isn't, and that he won't quit the hospital project no matter whose father Kirsten compares him to. With that, Kirsten just grabs her purse and leaves. I wonder if she and Sadie will see each other on their Dramatic Exit Route To Nowhere.
A devastated Summer rips her College Collage to pieces.
In the room, Marissa tucks her Berkeley sweatshirt in her drawer before going to Summer's room to console her friend. They cuddle in bed, and the non-gay male viewing audience of the show remembers why they watch.
Seth stops by the poolhouse, where Ryan is sitting on his bed and looking sad. They both lie down in a tableau of sadness. Getting into college sucks, kids!