The Dawn Patrol

Dinnertime at the Cohens! Sandy compliments Seth's grilling skills -- of which entirely too much has been said in this show's three short seasons -- and Seth turns it back on Ryan, saying that he doesn't need to be a fisherman after all, since apparently being good at grilling makes fish just jump into your freezer. "That was a bad idea," Ryan admits. Well, at least this show is finally admitting to itself how crappy its plotlines are. Perhaps it will actually make an effort to write some good ones. Kirsten changes the subject to Ryan and Seth's graduation, where each kid has received only two tickets, because Harbor really is the ghettoest private school ever. Even Chino High School probably gives its students more tickets than that to their graduation ceremony. Then again, most of those students probably don't graduate. Sandy worries about getting a seat for The Nana. At least Caleb is dead, so they won't have to worry about him. Ryan graciously offers up his tickets, figuring that no one he's biologically related to will be going to his graduation. This results in an awkward silence, until Kirsten suggests that Ryan invite someone from his real family. GREAT IDEA, Kirsten! The only family member of Ryan's who isn't in jail or banished from Newport is Dawn, and at her mention, Ryan freezes up and then leaves to "wash up," even though there's a sink right there. Sandy wisely points out that this might not be such a hot idea of Kirsten's, but Kirsten says that Dawn is going to AA now (since when? Wasn't she in jail just last month?), and therefore is probably an awesome mother and person and things will go just fine. Kirsten even throws in a dig at Sandy being a crappy person lately as the unhappy couple passive-aggressively cuts vegetables.

Some time later, Kirsten comes to the poolhouse to apologize for butting into Ryan's business. He says that he had actually been thinking about inviting Dawn to his graduation, figuring that so much time has gone by since the last time he saw her, and that he thought his graduation would be their last chance to see each other. Ryan asks how his mother was when Sandy visited her, and Kirsten answers that Dawn is "not good." I would have thought being in jail was more along the lines of "absolutely terrible," but whatever. Maybe, Kirsten says, a visit from Ryan will change Dawn's outlook on life and give her something worth straightening out her life for. Because living with Ryan for fifteen years sure did the trick, right? Kirsten offers to fly to the dreaded Albuquerque with Ryan, but he says he needs to do it alone. Kirsten's face falls as she realizes that she won't have anything to do in this episode after all. "How bad can it be?" Ryan says. Well, I guess Dawn can't abandon you now that you're a legal adult.

Marissa combs her luscious post-shower locks in front of a mirror, and thinks about what a prize she is. But she's not alone -- Volchok has somehow infiltrated the super-secure Roberts mansion, and is excited to share his newfound knowledge of Mexican culture gained during his weekend Baja trip with her. He moves in for a kiss, removing some of Marissa's robe while he's at it, revealing that she puts her bra and panties on immediately after her showers. She pushes him off, saying that she doesn't want her mother to catch them together. Before she even gets a chance to finish her sentence, though, Julie makes her presence in the bedroom doorway known. That sixth sense to know when there's a virile young stud around sure does come in handy sometimes, eh, Julie? Volchok shoots Julie his most charming and sleaziest smile, and extends a hand for her to shake. Julie threatens to take him apart. Marissa has no discernible reaction to any of this, whereas, had I just been caught with my hot boyfriend and in a state of partial undress, I would have at least raised an eyebrow or two. Marissa: cool, calm, comatose. Volchok leaves the house, saying it seems that he was just a "phase" for Marissa, since she didn't want to have sex with him immediately.

Julie opens her mouth to scold Marissa, but is met with a snotty "spare me the lecture" while Marissa continues to dry the hell out of her hair. Don't be too tough on your hair, Marissa! It's probably already brittle from the lack of nutrients it gets. Julie says that there's no lecture to give; she sees Volchok's appeal. He's "cool" and "has great abs," although since he, unlike Marissa, was clothed that whole time, I don't know how Julie could have known that. I guess it's pretty safe to say that, though, when you live in a town with an average ab-to-human ratio of 4:1 (one of the highest in the nation!). Julie adds that Volchok "personifies everything that's bad for" Marissa, to which Marissa retorts that Julie probably wants to sleep with him, then. I don't think a motherly slap across the face would be bad for Marissa, Julie. C'mon, do it. DO IT! But no, she just sighs that Marissa's choices will affect her future, and then Marissa finally grabs some pants and leaves the room.

Over at the Newport Bay Yacht Club, Matt is downing one of probably several alcoholic drinks and waiting for Sandy to arrive so that he can make a proposal: he wants Sandy to pay him off (with Griffin's money, since Matt is mad at Griffin and not Sandy but also totally scared of Griffin and so has to go through Sandy) in exchange for Matt's not going to the DA with the incriminating documents he claims to have. Griffin has until the night to pay him in cash. With that, Matt has his drinks put on Sandy's tab, and turns to leave. "You're getting yourself in pretty deep here, Matt," Sandy warns. "No deeper than you," Matt shoots back. Right, Matt. Except for the fact that Sandy isn't an unemployed loser who just got his face beaten in.

Marissa shows up at Volchok's. He's sure that she's going to dump him, because her mom disapproved of him, showing that Volchok has absolutely no concept of the teenage female mind, even though he seems to know his way around teenage female vagina. So he's surprised when, instead, she offers him the pleasure of her company for the day. He asks her whether she's planning on attending school today, and Marissa explains that away by saying it's the second semester of her senior year, as if she ever regularly attended school in any semester of any school year. I mean, are we even sure she's still enrolled at Harbor at this point? Shouldn't Harbor's truant officer be knocking on Julie's door pretty soon?

The dreary look of the stock footage establishing shot tells me we're in dreaded Albuquerque. Ryan enters a diner, and leaves all hope behind. There he finds a blonde waitress who isn't his mother. She looks about Ryan's age (that is, thirty-five), and explains that Dawn's shift is starting in a few hours. When Ryan tells her the name of the five-star hotel he's staying in, the waitress -- who introduces herself as Chloe -- immediately knows who he is, having heard all about his cuteness and rich adopted family from Dawn. Ryan says he'll come back for his mother's shift. Chloe checks out his ass.

For what I believe is the first time this season, we actually go into a Harbor classroom, as some guy teaches the kids how to factor polynomials, saying it's "good stuff!" Not only is it not good stuff, but it's also the kind of math work these kids should have been doing in, like, their freshman year. Even my school's math classes were more advanced than this, and we didn't even have AP classes. Nor did our teachers harbor the illusion that anything they were teaching us was fun for us to learn or for them to teach us. But not much learning will be going on at Harbor today, as Summer rudely interrupts the class to guffaw loudly at a joke Seth has made at their teacher's expense but that Seth didn't actually make. Even though Seth denies Summer's claims, they are both sent to Dr. Kim's office.

In the hall, Seth asks Summer what her problem is, and why she got him kicked out of a class for the first time in his life. Summer says that she just needed to get his attention because she is calling off their breakup, which she has the power to do since she was technically the person who did the dumping in the first place. Unless Seth can tell her a reason why they should stay broken up, they're back on. And more affectionate than ever, as she plants a kiss right on his lips.

Lock your doors and hold your children close, because night has fallen on Albuquerque! As promised, Ryan returns to the diner, only to see his mother through the window getting pawed by some stereotypical biker dude. I know I love getting my hamburgers served to me by a woman who just had a leather-gloved hand on her bits, so I'm sure the diner costumers are as thrilled to see the display as Ryan is. He turns to leave, but is called back by Chloe, who's dressed in her street clothes and ready to party! Ryan accepts her invitation.

Volchok and Marissa nakedly make out until they are interrupted by a knock at the door. Volchok thinks it's his "supply drop," but no -- it's Julie, who calls to Marissa through the door, thus giving Marissa plenty of warning to cover herself in a sheet and hide in Volchok's massive warehouse apartment. By the time Volchok lets her in, Marissa is long gone. Julie complains that Harbor called to inform her that Marissa didn't show up at school today (or for the last two years), to which Volchok sexily lights a cigarette, and says that Marissa has already been accepted to college. "Listen up, Tommy Lee," Julie says, as if that would be an insult to any guy who has seen the Tommy Lee porn video, "you're just the latest in a series of experiments my daughter likes to make when acting out." And since Marissa's annual downward spiral/experimenting phase usually only last four episodes, Volchok's time with her should be almost up. "Soon Marissa's gonna wake up and realize that she is so much better than you and your life," Julie finishes. I kinda doubt that, Julie, since Marissa is definitely not better than Volchok. Or anyone. Except maybe Matt. Maybe. Julie says that when Marissa does decide to come home, Julie will be there waiting for her like a good family member. And a terrible mom. Julie leaves, and Marissa comes out of hiding to simply and stupidly say, "That's my mom!" She doesn't even pretend to deny the things Julie said to Volchok, of course. Disgusted, Volchok leaves to get some beer.

Ryan and Chloe share a beer at one of those seedy Albuquerque bars that serve to minors (of course, it helps when said minor looks thirty years old). Ryan and Chloe talk about Dawn and how her new boyfriend looks a lot tougher than he actually is. Unlike every single one of Dawn's other boyfriends, this guy has a "good heart." And then a song comes on that Chloe wants to dance to, and Ryan obliges her, even though, as he says, he's not a huge dancing fan. They do a little slow dance...

I hear sirens! We must be back in Albuquerque. Ryan finally enters the diner, and comes face to face with his mom. In a really nice moment, Ryan smiles in spite of himself, and then grins hugely as his mother runs up to him, all "my baby!" this and huggy that. It's easy to forget that she kicked him out of her house and then moved away without telling him when she behaves like this.

Seth comes to Summer's bedroom. She eagerly pretends that their relationship problems don't exist, and asks him what their plans are for tonight. Seth says that there aren't any, since he is now breaking up with her. "I'm sorry, I really am. But I feel it's for the best," he says, not really sounding all that sorry at all. Summer is flabbergasted, saying that she only un-broke up with him to find out why he wanted to break up with her in the first place. "I guess now you'll never know," Seth shrugs, and leaves Summer to be broken-hearted, once again.

Back in Albuquerque, Land of No Hope and Broken Dreams, Dawn already knows that Ryan came to invite her to his graduation, thanks to Chloe the Weird Stalker Loudmouth, who actually called Dawn to tell her about it. Way to ruin the surprise, there, Chloe. The diner chef, who's not into warm family moments, orders Dawn to go serve some patrons. She and Ryan agree to talk more after her shift, and she gushes that it's great to see him again and she's really grateful that he invited her to his graduation. On one hand, Ryan's an asshole for considering not inviting her to his graduation, an event made extra-special for them because no Atwood has ever managed to achieve it before. But on the other hand, it's not like Dawn did a whole hell of a lot to help him get to that point, nor does he owe her anything at all. So Seth and Ryan both get to be total cowards and not tell either of their blackout-having women the truth. Ryan almost does when he leaves the diner, but then sees how happy his mother looks and can't bring himself to disinvite her just then.

The morning, Marissa wakes up in Volchok's bed, since she apparently lives with him now, to the sounds of his rowdy surfer friends coming over to do some partying. To this end, they've brought beer, bongs, bad music, and obnoxious attitudes. Oh my god, do I sound old. One of the guests is a blast from the past -- Heather! And she's looking older than ever. But she's supposed to be a high-school senior, and doesn't Volchok hang out with ANYONE his own age? Anyway, Heather sees Marissa and still hates her.

Dawn winds down from her all-night, half-a-day waitressing shift in the Waitress Locker Room, which is fairly large considering that only two waitresses even work there. Chloe's there too, getting ready for her shift and dispensing advice on what Dawn should wear for the graduation ceremony that's, like, two months away. The Angry Chef, who apparently works all day and all night at this place, pokes his head in while the women are changing to yell at Chloe that she has a customer and tell Dawn that her son is here. Dawn giddily checks her hair before going out to see him.

Dawn tells Ryan that she's been thinking about the graduation, and she'd like to treat the Cohens to dinner. On her salary, I'm sure they can each get one churro. Pretty sweet deal. Dawn excuses herself to answer her ringing cell phone, showing that even people who are so broke that they can't afford to stay out of jail can still somehow pay for a cell. Seriously, I saw a homeless man talking on a cell phone the other day. Although in that case, there probably wasn't anyone on the other end. There is on Dawn's though: her boyfriend's calling, and this takes the fun right out of Ryan, especially when he hears Dawn saying something about booking a flight to Newport for both of them. As an afterthought, she asks Ryan if it's okay to bring her boyfriend, and he could very well say something here like "I was hoping to spend time with just you," or whatever, but he doesn't. He just says that's fine. Which I guess it would be, since he has no intention of letting either of them see his graduation. Dawn runs off, and Chloe slides over. She apologizes for "accidentally" telling Dawn about the graduation ceremony, and I'm totally sure she just "accidentally" called Dawn's cell phone and then it all slipped out. Yeah.

Summer paces around her room, venting her frustrations with her newly ex-boyfriend. And what friend is there to hear Summer's cries? Who will be Summer's pillar of support in this difficult time? Why, Taylor Townsend, of course! Surely you didn't think it would be Marissa? In her convoluted, metaphor-filed way, Taylor Townsend tells Summer that Seth must still love her, since he never said he didn't, and only broke up with her out of fear. Fear of what, though? Taylor Townsend has an idea of how they can find out.

Seth is talking to his Only True Friend, Captain Oats, when his phone rings. It's Taylor Townsend, informing him that the weekend detention he got for doing absolutely nothing -- while Marissa skips school every day and isn't punished at all -- will be held in the student lounge. And Taylor Townsend is the Harbor Student Proctor this week, so she would know. Taylor Townsend, you are the Student Proctor of my heart.

Sandy's off having lunch, or something, somewhere, away from his angry naggy wife. But there is no escape, because she calls to ask him why he left so early this morning without even saying goodbye to her. Nor did he wake her up when he came home late last night. Kirsten thinks they need to talk, because they've been "disconnected" lately. This is true, but it's not entirely Sandy's fault. It's not Kirsten's either. It's the fault of the writers, who have decided that we don't need to see them together anymore. Kirsten wants Sandy home for dinner tonight. He agrees to be there. Which means he won't be. I'd be more upset about this, but this whole Sandy-Kirsten relationship trouble thing kind of came out of nowhere. Other than their differences of opinion over some of Sandy's business ethics, they haven't really had any problems since that slightly rough patch, when Kirsten refused to come home from rehab.

Chloe and Ryan stop by the diner, of course, which is closed even though it's a 24/7 joint. Chloe opens Dawn's locker, and tells Ryan that he is Dawn's "whole life." Except for the parts where she actually had to raise him. And I guess Dawn is pretending that Trey never existed. Ryan looks in the locker to see pictures of him at various ages plastered on the inside of the door. He's surprised, although he really shouldn't be, since I believe we've seen all these pictures before at the Cohen house. I do like that they're all pictures of Ben McKenzie as a little boy, although I question using that picture of him in a football uniform, since we've never seen him play. Dawn comes in and sees the scene. She tearfully explains that Kirsten sent her all the recent stuff: "She's a real nice lady." Yeah, she is, since she generously took your child off of your hands for you and gave him a life and everything. And how did Kirsten get all that stuff to Dawn, anyway? No one even knew where she was until they found in her jail last month. Maybe Kirsten sent it via the Magic Delivery Fairy. Chloe closes the locker she had no right to open and leaves the room to finally give the Atwoods some time away from her over-involved ass.

Ryan apologizes. Dawn says that she really wanted to go to his recent birthday party "-- But you didn't," Ryan finishes angrily. Dawn says that she was afraid then, but now, one month later, she's committed to being clean and sober, and has a boyfriend who is good for her. A lot can happen in a few weeks, unless it's on this show, where nothing ever happens all season. Dawn and Ryan agree that it's hard to hold things together sometimes, Ryan adding that he may live with rich people, but he's still Dawn's son. "So I'm still your mom?" she says, so hopefully. He says she is. She says that must mean that she isn't "all bad." Aw. Dawn cries some more, and they hug. And when they pull apart, Ryan hands her the two tickets to his graduation.

Outside the diner, Ryan meets Chloe. He thanks for her the family intervention that ended up working, and she says she isn't sorry for anything that happened. He says he isn't either. But he's leaving now. And despite vaguely telling Chloe that he'll see her again when he comes back to visit, I don't think we'll be seeing Ryan in Albuquerque again. Or in Chloe. Ryan gets in the waiting town car that amazingly has not been stripped of its parts during the five minutes its been parked on these mean Albuquerque streets.

Sandy puts the incriminating files in his home safe, and tries to pretend he didn't just deal his marriage a heavy blow to get them.

Julie drinks alone, because the show couldn't afford Michael Nouri's no-doubt-astronomical rates this week. Marissa comes home, and tries very, very hard to act scared and upset, and in need of her mother. Meanwhile, did Marissa bother to call the police and report those guys? Because if not, then there's really nothing to stop them from turning around and doing that to some other girl.

Taylor Townsend offers to make Summer some more Frappuccinos in the hopes that the endorphins in chocolate and sugar will make Summer feel a little better. But nothing will. Even so, Taylor Townsend's shoulder is there for Summer to rest her sad little head on. Taylor Townsend is a good friend.

Ryan comes home to find Seth waiting for him. Seth needs to get into Brown and get Summer back. And he needs Ryan's help to do it. "It's good to be home," Ryan says, patting Seth on the back. Too bad Seth doesn't deserve either Summer or Brown.