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Many thanks to Djb for covering for me last week and to all you kindly readers who sent me supportive words about my apartment robbery.
We open on Seth wearing a set of long johns and looking not so great. Then again, I don't think anyone can pull off the long johns look. Summer pronounces it "not bad," though, and hands him a winter jacket that matches hers. They'll be the warmest and most matching couple at Brown, she says. I suspect they'll also have the fewest friends. Seth wonders if Summer might be "jumping the gun" here, since they haven't even gotten their acceptance letters yet, but Summer -- who knows about as much about the college admissions process as she does about Seth's Yakuza films -- says that they're both sure to get in with their stellar records. She also says that if Seth doesn't get in and she does, then she'll turn Brown down, because she just wants to go to the same college as her boyfriend and only applied to Brown to be with him in the first place. Way to be pathetic, Summer.
Over in the poolhouse, Ryan and Sadie are making out with all their clothes on. They stop so that Ryan can exposit that Sadie is still in town because the house has a ninety-day escrow process to go through before it can be sold, which doesn't make any sense, since Bob was freaking living there last week. But let's forget about that; the writers apparently already have. Sadie brings up college and kills the mood. Ryan would have rather pretended that he wasn't on the verge of going to school and presumably leaving Sadie behind, but she says that "ignoring the future never makes it go away," making her the only person on this show to have learned that lesson, whereas most of the characters are still hung up on the concept of being aware of the present.
Ryan gets some water from the Big House, where he finds Seth already standing in the open fridge in his long johns and parka. Seth hands Ryan a water of Future Worry, and they commiserate. "There's a cold front comin' through," Seth says. Expect it to bring heavy showers of cheesy dialogue.
The morning, Marissa and Summer share yet another tense breakfast, still angry at each other from last week. Julie strolls out and bids them a good morning before taking an interest in her daughter's life for three seconds, which is long enough to mention college acceptance letters, due any day. She also asks Marissa if her new friend could be a little quieter with his motorcycle in order not to wake up Dr. Neil time he drops Marissa off at some ungodly hour. And while I would agree that it is important for people to get their beauty sleep (not that it's ever done Dr. Neil much good), I would have thought it might be a more pressing issue that your daughter is cavorting around at all hours with some guy who rides a motorcycle. Marissa snots something about Julie wanting to hide, from Dr. Neil, the fact that she has a trailer-park family, and leaves. Julie does the right motherly thing and asks Summer if she should be concerned about Marissa instead of, you know, asking her directly.
“ Volchok invites Marissa to a party on the beach. She accepts, and he says he'll be at Harbor to pick her up in a half an hour even though the party isn't until nighttime. But he isn't wearing a shirt during this whole scene and that's great. ”
Sandy comes over to Griffin's private tennis court at a low-angle shot so that they can discuss Matt's recent run-in with Griffin's goons in a most dramatic fashion. Griffin, of course, denies having had anything to do with Matt's facial injuries. Sandy isn't so willing to believe him, even for the sake of that stupid hospital, and demands that Griffin resign from the board within forty-eight hours or else Sandy will "do everything in [his] power to take [Griffin] down." This threat means absolutely nothing unless Griffin is allergic to churros. Sandy starts by demoralizing Griffin by tiny pieces at a time, starting with the insult to Griffin's tennis game that he very professionally tosses off on his way out.
Ryan, Summer, and Seth show up for school, where they run into Taylor Townsend, who invites them to the "College Sweatshirt Bonfire," something Seth rudely, if accurately, pronounces "incredibly lame." His insults bounce right off Taylor's perky attitude and even perkier chest, though, and she goes to give them all flyers to hand out, at which point Ryan and Seth make their escape. Taylor Townsend calls their obvious hatred of her and the activities she cares about "cute," and dumps the flyers in Summer's uneager arms. She then asks about Marissa, who apparently re-joined the Social Committee after she re-enrolled at Harbor and was supposed to provide the food for the bonfire. Putting Marissa in charge of the food was a bad idea for two reasons: first, Marissa can't be trusted to fulfill her obligations, downward spiral or no, and second, she certainly doesn't know what she's doing when it comes to that foreign object others seem to enjoy and refer to as "food."
As Taylor Townsend calls a restaurant to secure some last-minute goodies for the bonfire, Marissa strolls into school, looking like a proper coke fiend. Strangly, she doesn't look or walk any differently than when she's not on coke. She gets a call from Volchok, who seems to be in his secret lair down in a basement that's supposed to be all ghetto and junky but it actually a lot nicer than any apartment I could afford and probably better decorated, too. He braces himself to talk to her by drinking a beer and then makes the mistake of asking Marissa how she's doing, earning him an earful about everything that's going on in Marissa's life that sucks, which is no more interesting to him than it is to any of us. He invites her to a party on the beach. She accepts, and he says he'll be at Harbor to pick her up in a half an hour even though the party isn't until nighttime. But he isn't wearing a shirt during this whole scene and that's great.
“ Sadie reads Ryan's palm to see if he got into Berkeley, in an effort to make her look like a 'fun' and 'carefree' sort of girl, but only comes up with something about dark- haired girls stealing Ryan's heart. Ryan's palm is really clich. ”
Meanwhile, over in Wonderful Happy Perfect Relationship Land, Ryan arrives at Sadie's house. I do wonder where Bob went. Maybe he moved into Volchok's cavernous apartment. It's so big, he wouldn't even notice an extra person there. Sadie reads Ryan's palm to see if he got into Berkeley, in an effort to make her look like a "fun" and "carefree" sort of girl, but only comes up with something about dark-haired girls stealing Ryan's heart. Ryan's palm is really clich.
Volchok and Marissa motorcycle into Dr. Neil's driveway. They're both wearing helmets, which slightly detracts from the bad-ass devil-may-care attitude they're supposed to have. Marissa runs into the house to get a jacket, since even the warm weather of Southern California is cold when you don't have an ounce of body fat, and Volchok asks her to grab some beer money for them while she's there. Marissa acts all put out by this, like Volchok wasn't paying for her beer and coke this whole time already, not to mention the gas he's using to drive her ass around town. Isn't Marissa doing enough to kill feminism already without being a bitch about having to pay her fair share?
Inside the house, Marissa puts on a seriously ugly jacket made of shiny "leather" -- which I'm pretty sure is from Julie's garbage bag at the bottom of her closet labeled "'80s fashion trends that should never repeated but probably will be, thanks to TV shows about troubled and 'fashion-forward' teens" -- and makes a stop at her mother's pocketbook, which is chock-full of money now that Julie has her new sugar daddy. Marissa grabs the money and notices an envelope from Berkley to the pocketbook. It's a huge envelope, too, so we can assume that she got in despite never attending any of her high-school classes. She opens it, and sure enough, there's an acceptance letter. Marissa smiles, and then makes her angry face and tosses the college stuff in the most prominent trashcan in the house so that everyone can see that she's troubled and not sure what to do with her future and pay attention to her.
For the first time in his life, Seth actually does a household chore: he brings in the mail. We see an envelope that's identical to the one Marissa got. Looks like Ryan's going to Berkeley!
Meanwhile, Summer finds her college envelope on the table to Julie's pocketbook. She opens it to find that she's been accepted to Brown.
Ryan comes home and opens his envelope. He's been accepted to Berkeley.
“ Sandy and Kirsten decide that they should have a congratulatory dinner tonight, because that's the only way the adults on this show can get any screen time. ”
Seth opens his envelope in the privacy of his bedroom. It's a big envelope, too, which makes it all the more painful when there's a rejection letter inside of it. Sad, but fortunately Seth applied to several schools and therefore is sure to have some acceptances to fall on -- oh, wait. I forgot that this is a television show where kids only apply to one school. Sucks to be you, Seth!
Summer walks into the Cohen house, where she meets Ryan. They share a nice moment of being really happy for each other's good news and hugging, and then Seth comes downstairs looking forlorn. When Summer asks him if he got in, he hesitates for dramatic effect before lying that he did. This gets him a hug from Ryan and Summer at the same time, which is as awkward-looking as you'd expect.
The morning, Seth gets on the phone with the Brown admissions people, asking if he can appeal their decision, because, as he stupidly tells them, he really wants to go to the same school as his girlfriend. They hang up on him. Maybe if you wanted to go that badly, Seth, you wouldn't have screwed up your first interview, hmm?
Kirsten walks into the kitchen to remind us all that she's still a member of the cast. She sees Sandy staring out the kitchen window and tells him to turn his frown upside down, because their kids got into college and therefore they are successes as parents after all. Seth enters and is congratulated by both of his parents, who apparently didn't have the time in their busy schedules to do that yesterday, when the letters actually arrived. They give Ryan identical hugs when he walks in and decide that they should have a congratulatory dinner tonight, because that's the only way the adults on this show can get any screen time.
Over at the Roberts home, Julie is so angry at Marissa for not making it home last night that she forgot to put a shirt on. That's the only excuse I can think of for that thing she's wearing, in which the upper half of her body is covered by two strategically-placed straps of fabric and a necklace-thing that runs down the middle of it. Horrible. She leaves a message on Marissa's cell phone telling her to call her back, whereas any other parent would have called the police to report her child missing by now, and Dr. Neil comes outside with Marissa's Berkeley letter from the trash can she left it in for someone to find. He tells Julie to stop pretending that Marissa isn't having yet another life crisis, and to talk to her.