Marissa's been through attempted rape, a drug overdose, and some really poor choice of head attire, but nothing compares to the horror that is PUBLIC SCHOOL, which is filled with metal gates and non-themed dances and it's just awful. Fortunately, she immediately makes friends with the bizarro versions of Seth, Summer, and Ryan, which makes the real Ryan jealous and the real Seth concerned for him. Meanwhile, over at private school, Summer's reign as the chair of the Social Committee comes to an end, thanks to some clever manipulating by Taylor Townsend, who is, in fact, sleeping with Dean Evil. Kirsten spends the episode pretending she's going to learn to cook and trying to decide whether or not she should give up the sinking Newport Group, a decision made more difficult when 7 'n 7 comes to town asking for money to start up a halfway house. By the way, in case this wasn't incredibly obvious, 7 'n 7 is up to no good and she has a boyfriend. Sorry, 7 'n 7/Kirsten shippers! Also, Julie is poor and homeless.
The Range Rover pulls up in front of a dilapidated old building. I wonder why the gang has taken to hanging out in condemned areas, but then Seth reveals that they're actually at "Newport Union High School, Orange County's answer to public education." How telling that even the people on this show won't call Orange County "the O.C." Seth and Summer praise the school's parking lot for being "spacious" (because the students are too poor to have their own cars) and "well-lit" (sunlight's free), while Ryan comments that since the school is up on a hill (probably built on a landfill), there should be a "good breeze." I hope so, since it's pretty unlikely that a poor-ass public school like that has any air conditioning. My public school didn't, but then, it was in Connecticut, which tends to be a little cooler. Marissa exposits that even if she hadn't been kicked out of Harbor, Julie can no longer afford to send her to private school, so she was always doomed to end up here. Ryan offers to let Marissa "home school" with him, like, I'm sure Sandy would have no problem paying the tutor extra to take on Marissa. Shut up, Ryan. And way to save money building a new set, there, guys, by having Ryan study at home. Marissa says she's actually looking forward to public school, a place where everyone doesn't know everything about each other and people won't be staring at her all the time, because Marissa is so full of herself that she thinks people at Harbor were staring at her. Marissa scans the public-school crowd, the members of which are, of course, staring at the huge black Range Rover. They've never seen such a vehicle before, not even on their black and white TVs! Plus, it's followed by a mile of blocked traffic. It's a drop and loading zone, Ryan, not a "sit and chat" zone. Marissa leaves the car. Seth, Summer, and Ryan watch her go, all worried and sad like she's walking through the gates of hell or something.
Marissa makes her way through the multi-ethnic halls of public school, which are outside because this is Southern California and also because they can't afford roofs. A hilarious gang of girls, all wearing black t-shirts so you know they're hardcore, stop and call Marissa "Newport Barbie," because in public school, you can't afford the latest trend in girls' dolls: Bratz.
After the credits, we get to return to the rich, rich safety of Harbor, where the couches are leather and no one has to go to class. Seth brings Summer some coffee, but there's nowhere to put it on the table, covered as it is with papers for the latest Social Committee event. Summer whines that she always thought Social Chair was just a ceremonial position, which is an easy mistake to make considering that her example, Marissa, really didn't do anything. Dean Evil slithers up and says that when he was spending time in the boy's locker room last night (your guess is as good as mine as to what that was about), he couldn't help noticing that it was a filthy pit. Surely he's mistaken! Maybe he was in the public school boys' locker room and just thought it was Harbor. Anyway, Seth's latest punishment will be cleaning the locker room, since Harbor apparently spent their custodial-staff budget on hiring a smarmy new dean. Oh well! Dean Evil says that he'd be willing to make things a lot easier if Seth gives up his partner in Tiki hut crime. Summer is silent. Seth insists that he acted alone. Dean Evil tells Seth to meet him in the locker room at 3, and to be ready to clean toilets. He leaves, and Summer begs Seth to "let" her tell Dean Evil that she helped him. Funny, I don't recall Seth issuing any gag orders when he was caught and Summer watched him get two months' detention for refusing to say that he had a partner. Maybe he signed it to her off-camera.
Ryan comes home, where Sandy says he just spoke to Ryan's new tutor, who has a "great résumé" and is also invisible, given that we won't be seeing her in this episode. Apparently, she tutored Stallone's kids, which isn't exactly a ringing endorsement. Ryan asks if he can go to public school instead and spare the Cohens the expense of a celebrity tutor. Sandy's no idiot, and he figures out pretty quickly that Ryan's motivation is to be with Marissa. Needless to say, he's not thrilled. Most of the ensuing conversation takes place in shots over the speaker's shoulder where you can clearly see that the words don't match up with what the actors are saying, so nice coverage there, crew. It's distractingly bad. Sandy dubs that Ryan needs to focus on himself and his SATs, and that none of that will happen in public school with Marissa. One tough subject down, one more to go for Sandy as he moves over to Kirsten, who says she's going to try to conquer her fear of cooking as recommended by Dr. Woody. She's also planting an herb garden, because this will somehow help her to achieve that goal. Maybe Kirsten-grown herbs are less likely to turn against her or something. Sandy says that he shares Kirsten's fear of Kirsten's cooking, so this is something they can get over together. But first, they'll share a shower and get over each other.
Julie has a visitor! Her excitement fades when the visitor reveals that the mansion and its contents are going to be repossessed in the forty-eight hours. "I'm sorry," the messenger says. He doesn't sound very sorry, though.
Back at public school, where the guitar riffs are hardcore to for atmospheric purposes, a girl puts up some posters announcing an upcoming school dance as the bell rings and kids empty out into the halls. One of the kids is Marissa, who is immediately jostled by the Queen of the Black Shirt Brigade. It's pretty cool of the teachers to show their solidarity with the students by dressing like them and all, but -- oh, wait, I'm sorry. Queenie is supposed to be a high-school student even though she looks like she's on the wrong side of thirty. They live rough in public school, though, so maybe that's why. Queenie accuses Marissa of walking into her, and Marissa patiently responds that she's new and got lost and she's sorry. Politeness don't fly in the P-blik SKOOL hood, though, and Queenie says she'll "let" Marissa pass if Marissa tells her she's better than Queenie. I think Queenie's got the intimidation/dominance bully ritual backwards. Maybe she's dyslexic. How sad for her that the underfunded public education system doesn't have the resources to give her the individual attention she needs to overcome this condition. She'll be ordering people to tell her they're better than she is for the rest of her life. Marissa is confused as to what Queenie wants from her. After all, didn't she do the lesbian thing just last season? Surely the ratings don't need another girl-girl action boost so soon! Another girl notices the non-fracas and steps in. She asks "Heather" (of COURSE Queenie's name is Heather) to leave the new student welcoming to her, and Heather backs down like a wuss. Marissa thanks New Friend for the help and wonders what Heather's problem with her is. New Friend thinks it might have something to do with Marissa's designer bag, shoes, and Chanel necklace, because even kids who can barely afford the wares at the local mall are up-to-date on the latest high-end boutiques. Also, Marissa? Wearing a Chanel logo as a necklace is freaking lame. New Friend introduces herself as Casey and officially welcomes Marissa to Newport Union. Marissa says that Casey is the first "nice person" she's met today, which should really endear her to the rest of the student body. "I'm not even that nice," Casey says, and leaves as the bell rings. The halls are empty except for Marissa, who has no idea where her class is. Just hop over the barbed wire fence, take a right at the rusty shed, walk through the sewer pipe, and you're there. It's all right there on the mimeographed map, Marissa.
Summer's many Social Chair duties apparently also include lecturing committee members on the fundamentals of Geometry, since one girl has made a triangle cutout when she was supposed to make an octagon. With a theme like "Our Friends, Shapes!" this dance is just bound to be fun. Taylor Townsend walks up and adopts a humble tone as she asks Summer if she can help out with the dance preparations. Summer accuses her of staging a "power play" at the Kickoff Carnival (apparently, making a few suggestions about mini food and hybrid cars to wrest control of the Social Chair seat on the day of the Carnival is not a "power play." Okay) and causing Ryan to get kicked out of school. I didn't realize that Taylor was the one who punched Dean Evil in the face, especially since she was standing so far away from him at the time. Maybe she has super-stretchy arms like Dhalsim from Street Fighter 2. If she can do the yoga fire move, that would be super-sweet. Taylor Townsend says that she doesn't have any friends because her insecurity makes her push people away. She was hoping that being Social Chair would get her a few friends, but no, thanks to Summer. All Taylor Townsend wants is someone who will write stuff in her yearbook besides "have a nice summer." Someone needs to write that to the writers instead. It's hard to be on Summer's side in this storyline when she's such a beeyotch to everyone, especially her boyfriend. Taylor Townsend's emotional appeal wins Summer over, and she tells Taylor to go show Beth what an octagon looks like. "She is a pinhead, isn't she?" Taylor Townsend says. Summer just stares at her. Taylor Townsend realizes that calling people pinheads is one of the reasons she doesn't have friends. Because building yourself up by putting others down is totally not what high-school popularity is all about.
Marissa's struggling with one of those public-school lockers. They're all rusty and they have writing on them and it's just horrible! Poor, poor Marissa. Suddenly, an attractive white surfer guy walks up and tells her she's trying to open his locker. Marissa apologizes, saying she "can't remember" which locker is hers. Public school is so demanding, what with the needing to remember your locker number and all. How do those millions of kids currently enrolled in this country's public education system do it every day? The guy, named Johnny, offers to let Marissa store her books in his locker, since she's about to get picked up by her boyfriend, and then Casey and a guy on a skateboard wave to Johnny from across the rotting cesspool that passes for a football field. By the way, every public-school kid with lines is white, because even though we've seen how multi-ethnic the public-school population is, this show really doesn't like to cast people of color. And making that repossessor-messenger guy Asian doesn't count. The skateboard guy immediately crashes into a group of kids because he's wacky cool like that, and Casey and Johnny kiss. Johnny introduces Marissa to his girlfriend, and Casey says they've already met. Skateboard Guy groans and gets up, and Johnny introduces him as Dennis. Dennis says that everyone calls him "Chili." "No one calls him 'Chili,'" says Johnny. You can go ahead and include me in that group. Casey asks Marissa is she wants to join them in getting something to eat after school, and Johnny says Marissa's waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up. Dennis says that Marissa's having a boyfriend is a problem, because he loves her: "I fall fast and hard." Ew. And also, way to be the cheaper, less cute, public-school version of Seth. Johnny and Casey offer to give Marissa a ride home so that she'll get to come to school tomorrow knowing a few people. Marissa agrees, and calls Ryan to tell him she doesn't need a ride.
But Ryan's already at the school, waiting for Marissa in the parking lot. Before giving him a chance to say that he's already there, Marissa says that some new friends asked her out after school and she was hoping to go with them if Ryan hadn't already left the house to come get her. Ryan lies that he was just getting in his car, as he watches Marissa from his vantage point of the school parking lot. Fortunately for his lie, those big metal public school gates apparently function as one-way mirrors, since Marissa doesn't notice the big black Range Rover about ten feet away from her.
The morning, Marissa puts her rich-girl accessories away in favor of the rags and burlap sacks favored by the public-school crowd. Now she'll fit in for sure! Julie enters and asks if Marissa would like to stay with Summer for a few days. She tries to lie that there was a simple misunderstanding, causing Caleb's mansion to be sold before it was supposed to, but Marissa sees right through that and asks if they're getting kicked out. The tough hard-knocks lifestyle she's been exposed to at public school has really opened her eyes, I guess. Marissa tells Julie that she doesn't need to protect her, and Julie says that Marissa might want to try to stay with Summer until they get back on their feet -- and they will get back on their feet: "We'll be wearing very expensive shoes when we do." Maybe so, but you'd better take them off and replace them with shoeboxes tied with string before you go to public school! Marissa says that she "trusts" Julie. Julie's touched by Marissa's faith in her, and Marissa says she's sure Julie saved money over the years. By the expression on Julie's face, you can tell she totally didn't.
Kirsten answers the doorbell. A man gives her a bouquet of flowers.
But never mind that! We've spent too much time with the adults already! Summer pulls her Mercedes up to the front of her ridiculously large house. Is this the first time we've seen Summer's house? It's the first time I have, anyway. Marissa thanks her for letting her stay there "on such short notice." Wait -- is it still the morning before school? And Marissa had time to have a heart-to-heart with her mom, pack, drive to Summer's, and settle in before school? I barely had time to shower before school, but then, my public school started so ass-early in the morning that in the winter time, it was still dark outside when I waited at the bus stop. Good thing the sun rises and sets with Marissa here. Marissa remembers that she's supposed to be having breakfast with Ryan right now, and calls him to apologize. Ryan answers the phone at his table for one at the diner, and Marissa tells him about how she and Julie are homeless and stuff and that's why she missed breakfast. Ryan assures her that it's fine, and that they'll do something after school instead.
7 'n 7 is back! She calls Kirsten and lies that she's staring at the lake right now and wishing her "friend" were there, too. 7 'n 7 is the person who sent Kirsten those flowers, just in case you thought it was Sandy or Dennis or something, and she says she'll be in the area tomorrow and was hoping they could meet up for lunch at the Yacht Club. Kirsten agrees to this, and they hang up. As the Music of Evil plays, the man who delivered those flowers to Kirsten comes out of the seedy motel bathroom and says that Kirsten had better "come through with the money."
Summer has finally arrived at school, whereupon Taylor runs up and tells her that she heard Dean Evil telling Dr. Kim (we won't be seeing her, though. That would violate this show's strict one-Asian-per-episode rule) that he was going to suspend Seth if he didn't tell him who helped him steal the tiki hut by the end of the day. They're lucky they don't live in Texas. I hear you can get the death penalty for tiki hut-related crimes there. Summer totally falls for this line, and then Seth walks up and asks them what's wrong. Summer lies that Taylor caught some teacher on a pedophile website, because loudly and falsely accusing your teachers of pedophilia is a great way to get sued. Trust me, I know. Taylor takes off, and Seth wonders what Taylor was doing on that pedophile website in the first place. Probably looking for a boyfriend, as we'll soon find out.
Kirsten's culinary efforts have extended to include quiche, which she is making for her and Sandy's lunch. Sandy's pleased with that, but not with the Newport Group, which has really suffered from Caleb's financial woes. They've got six weeks before they have to default on their loans, but Sandy says there's still time to save the company if Kirsten wants to sell off some assets and work really hard. The other option is to just sell the company off and wash her hands of it. Sandy says he'll support either decision Kirsten makes, because he's perfect like that. Kirsten says, "It's time to let it go." Also going is that quiche, which has probably burned to a crisp by now.
Summer enters Dean Evil's office and confesses to helping Seth steal the tiki hut. In fact, she actually did all the heavy lifting because "noodle-arms" couldn't. Seth and Summer are totally in luv 4eva! Dean Evil says that Summer's record is now darkened with the stain of prop purloining, and he really can't let her stay on as Social Chair. Oh, please. I got suspended from school for a week, and I still got to stay in the honor society. But then, I did go to public school, where the guitars have distortion and the minorities don't have lines. Summer catches on that her replacement will most likely be Taylor Townsend, and Dean Evil evilly says he'll take Summer's recommendation under consideration.
Julie stops by the Newport Group to get as much mileage as the producers can out of those sets before they're gone forever, and asks Sandy if the Newport Group can give a former officer a personal loan. It turns out that's illegal, and that the company's about to be put out of existence in a few weeks anyway. Julie's surprised that "it's all really ending," but turns down Sandy's offer of financial help from the Cohen bank account, saying that she only needed the loan for "convenience" so that she could put a down payment on a house on the beach that doesn't actually exist.
Taylor Townsend closes her pristine private-school locker to find Summer staring her down. Summer tells her that she may have won the battle for Social Committee power, but she certainly hasn't won the war. Taylor Townsend advises Summer to have an "exit strategy" before she takes on the "human quagmire." Summer asks every passing student what a quagmire is. Hey, at least she knows her shapes.
Over at public school, Marissa reads a crappy sign advertising the crappy public school's upcoming crappy dance. Johnny spots her and asks if she's planning on going. Marissa asks what the dance's theme will be. Johnny's all, "Theme?" You see, down in public school, dances don't have themes. Hell, you're lucky if anyone even actually dances, what with the bullets flying and the termite-ridden gym floor all full of holes. "I don't think I'll be going, then," Marissa snots. She recovers and says it's not because there's no theme. It's because there's no chocolate fountain. Johnny urges her to go, saying that he, Casey, and Dennis will be there, which is probably supposed to be a motivating thing, but totally isn't because those three are lame. Heather Heathers walks up, wearing another black shirt replete with tough black armbands, and apologizes for being so mean to Marissa the day before. Marissa says it's cool. "So then, you're not GONNA SHOOT ME?!?!" Heather projects to the crowd. The crowd giggles uncomfortably, and Heather adds that a shooting is the reason Marissa got kicked out of private school, right? Because she shot someone? Now, see, that factoid would be enough to make me want to get on Marissa's good side. But these public-school kids don't listen to reason. Marissa runs away, and Johnny follows her because he is Sensitive.
Through the metal gate of public-school hardcoreness, Marissa cries that now everyone in the school will know about her past non-crimes. Johnny totally sucks out on the attempt to make her feel better by saying that everyone already knew about that anyway. No duh. It's pretty safe to say that if every private school in a fifty-mile radius knew about it, the nearby public school might have heard a little something about it, too, even though it is filled with the illiterate dregs of society. Marissa says she was hoping to be anonymous at her new school, and now she sees that's obviously out of the question. Johnny says he saw the news (since, you know, he couldn't read it), and it said that Marissa saved someone's life when she shot Trey. So it's cool with him. It's not cool with Ryan, though, who drives up just in time to see Marissa looking upset and talking to another guy. He jumps out of the Range Rover and runs over, asking what's wrong and assuming that Johnny "did" something to her. Johnny and Marissa both assure him that Johnny wasn't the one who made Marissa upset, and Johnny introduces himself and puts out a hand for Ryan to shake. Ryan leaves him hanging for a minute, and then shakes it, staring at Marissa the whole time. Johnny wisely decides to leave. Marissa angrily tells Ryan that Johnny was just being nice to her, and the guitar chords scream with teenage angst.
Ryan's doing some homework by the pool when Seth comes up and invites him to play videogames. Ryan says he's got too much homeschool to do, but Seth sees through that and guesses that Ryan has an "emotional thing" going on as well. Seth must be a freaking mindreader, because it's not like Ryan's usual blank expression indicated that anything special was going on. Seth takes a seat and says it's time for some "old-fashioned Seth-Ryan time," as fans of this show squeal in delight that it might just return to its former glory. Ryan tells Seth about overreacting "yesterday" (oh, it's tomorrow now. Okay) when he saw Marissa and a guy together, and now Marissa's mad at him. He's worried that he damaged her tenuous new friendships at public school, and possibly his relationship with her as well. Seth stands, and Ryan asks why Seth isn't giving him advice like usual. Seth tells him to call Marissa and apologize: "It's not rocket science." Then he makes fun of Ryan for being homeschooled.
Looking way too skinny, Summer dips a twig-leg into her pool and asks Marissa why she isn't going to the public-school dance. Marissa would rather not, since she's now a public-school pariah. Plus, Marissa doesn't think Ryan would be too thrilled with her going to a dance without him, considering how upset he was when he saw her talking to a guy before. And this public school, apparently, doesn't let you invite outsiders to their dances. Marissa's phone rings. It's Ryan.
As they both hang out by their respective ginormous private pools, Ryan and Marissa apologize to each other. Marissa's very understanding of Ryan's outburst, and Ryan invites her out to the movies tonight, promising to beat up the usher to get them some free Milk Duds. Marissa should really jump on that, considering that, as a member of the nouveau-poor, free food is always a bonus. But she just says she has a lot of homework to do, although she's sure she'll need a break at some point.
Kirsten shows up at the Yacht Club, and she and 7 'n 7 hug hello. They both tell each other how fabulous they look, and 7 'n 7 chalks that up to their time by the lake. Kirsten agrees, saying what a shame it is that everyone can't stay there after rehab. 7 'n 7 can't believe her luck, since this gives her an easy segue into the reason she wanted to see Kirsten: she wants to set up some kind of post-rehab hangout spot like their Cabin of Love, and she realized that Kirsten "has" to be involved with it. She just needs Kirsten to give her a "couple million" to start. 7 'n 7 is putting up the rest and assuming all the risk, and she's sure they'll turn a profit within a few years, because the rehab industry is freaking lucrative. Crackheads are loaded. Kirsten says she'd love to, but that she doesn't have a couple million to invest in anything, since Caleb left her with nothing. 7 'n 7 tries to conceal her bitter disappointment and says she thought things were great after the will reading. Kirsten says they were -- with her husband and kids. But not monetarily. And not really with her kids, either, since I'm assuming she recently found out about the whole thing with Ryan almost getting killed by his brother and then getting arrested for attempted murder and all that fun stuff. 7 'n 7 recovers and asks if they can still work something out, maybe having Newport Group as a "silent partner." Kirsten says it'll be a very silent partner indeed, since the company will cease to exist in a few weeks' time. 7 'n 7 accuses Kirsten of liquidating the company to erase all signs of her father and put the past behind her. She says it won't be that easy. Kirsten thinks.
The repo man is back, and he's brought reinforcements! And on a Saturday -- that's dedication for you. Julie protests, apparently thinking that when they told her she had forty-eight hours to get her affairs in order, they meant forty-eight days. This really shouldn't be a surprise to her. But it is.
Marissa hangs out by Summer's pool. A doorbell rings, and she calls on Summer to answer it. But Summer ain't nobody's slave, and she doesn't appear to be home anyway, so Marissa has to get up and do it herself. She finds Johnny, Casey, and Dennis there. They want her to come with them to the dance. Dennis especially wants Marissa to be his date. I just realized where I know Dennis from -- he played Norton "tha N-Dog" on 7th Heaven! I didn't think he could actually be any lamer than that, but here he is. Amazing. They say they won't leave without Marissa, so she'd better come with them so that all their nights aren't ruined. Dennis makes a pouty face. What a kooky cut-up he is!
Seth and Ryan walk past Sandy in the kitchen as he unpacks a few shopping bags full of ingredients for the lamb ragout dish Kirsten will be attempting to cook tonight. It doesn't seem that complicated to me -- just broil some lamb and throw Ragu sauce on it, right? That's how we cook in my house, anyway. But then, I did go to public school. Seth and Ryan will not be joining their parents for dinner tonight, since Seth is going to the Harbor dance (theme: the beach), and Ryan is going to Marissa's to hang out with her and give her a break from the homework she isn't doing (theme: jealousy and disappointment). The kids leave, and Sandy notices that Kirsten seems sad. She wonders if selling off the Newport Group is the right thing to do. Sandy thinks so. Kirsten leaves to get some oregano.
Dressed for dancin', Marissa exits the house into the waiting arms of her new friends. Ryan and Seth drive up and notice the inconsistency of this and Marissa's claim to be spending the night studying. They de-car, and Seth leaves to get Summer because it's all awkward right here. Forgetful Marissa the Hot Boyfriend Neglector tries to explain that she didn't know she'd be going to a dance when she talked to him before, and that this has nothing to do with her being mad at him from yesterday. Ryan tells her to go to the dance, and she runs off to Johnny's poor people Jeep and they drive off. Seth and Summer come out and Ryan tells them he's okay. They leave for the dance. Ryan heads back to homeschool, where there are no dances because you can't dance alone.
How convenient of Newport Union and Harbor to hold dances on the same exact night so that we could get a side-by-side comparison to expose public school's shortcomings. The poor people listen to urban beats and comment on how awesome it is that the school actually shelled out for three streamers this year. The public-school gang of four walk in, and Dennis heads off to the punch bowl with a flask, because it's 1973 and this public school can't afford to pay enough chaperones to guard the punch bowl. Marissa takes a look around and assumes that everyone has nothing better to do than whisper about her. She's right about Heather, at least, who takes aim at her from across the gym with a finger gun. You know, if Heather really were as bad-ass as she thinks she is, she wouldn't even be at the school dance.
Marissa runs out of the gym. FakeRyan, FakeSummer, and FakeSeth follow her out, because who doesn't want a new friend with Issues, right? They console her, and Johnny says that "public-school kids -- all kids, really -- they're like dogs. They smell fear." It's easier to smell fear in public school, where they don't have those gold-plated air fresheners. Dennis says that, also like dogs, kids like frisbees. Shut up, Dennis. Shut up, Johnny. Shut up, Casey, even though you didn't say anything. They tell Marissa to go back in the gym and just act like no one is looking at her, and the public-school kids will move onto their victim.
Seth and Summer head into their school dance, which is so totally better than the public school one that it's not even funny. No, really, it's not funny. This show is boring the shit out of me. Seth tells Summer that her dance is "incredible," and that it's like she brought the beach and the ocean into Harbor. He calls Summer a "human tsunami." Too soon, Seth. Too soon. Taylor Townsend comes to the mic and introduces herself by first and last name, because a small school like Harbor where everyone supposedly knows everyone else's business needs such information. Taylor Townsend then proceeds to take credit for all of Summer's hard work -- ha! -- and calls Dean Evil to the stage, without whose help this dance never could have happened. Summer wants blood. Seth holds her back. "This really is the End of Summer," Taylor Townsend says as she looks directly at Summer. Seth has to admit that Summer "set herself up" for that one. By having parents who named her after a season, I guess.
Over at the Seedy Motel, 7 'n 7 and Flower Delivery Man are very upset that their master plan to spend thirty thousand dollars on rich-people rehab and find a mark to swindle millions of dollars out of didn't work. Guess you should've made more than one friend there, 7 'n 7, and like, not made your only friend the day before you checked out. Idiot. 7 'n 7 says she will "find a way" to "use" Kirsten, and the pair makes out. Looks like 7 'n 7 isn't a les 'n bian after all. She's still evil, though. What'd it take, four episodes for us to see what her diabolical plan was? And for all that build-up, it didn't even work.
Kirsten looks at an old picture of her and her dad. Sandy comes in and asks Kirsten when she started stashing oregano in the Newport Group offices. I don't think that's oregano, Sandy. And I don't think Kirsten was planting an herb garden before, exactly. It does explain why she's been so mellow since she got back from rehab, though. Kirsten came over to take a trip down memory lane. She looks at a picture of the first property she convinced her father to buy and restore. It was her first project. Kirsten whines some more about she could never live up to her father's expectations. Sandy asks her if she wants to keep the company after all. Kirsten says she just needed to say goodbye. Sandy proposes that they have a dinner picnic, and holds up a pic-a-nic basket full of Perfect Man goodies.
Ryan's alone at the diner again. His phone rings. It's Seth, checking in on Ryan because he's cool this episode. He hints around that tonight might be the night Marissa starts to pull away from Ryan, and that maybe Ryan should do something to keep her. Ryan says he has to go, and hangs up. He grabs his hot leather jacket and asks for the check.
Ryan runs to the public-school gym as those rough guitar chords come back. We finally get some vocals to accompany them, and the lyrics are about stars and circles and stuff, so...not so tough after all. Ryan spots Marissa laughing with her new friends, possibly because she had some of that punch, which is certainly the only thing that could make me laugh at anything Dennis did or said. Ryan looks all sad and stuff, which is when Ben McKenzie's acting is at its best, and then Seth runs up. He says he thought Ryan might run to the gym and do something stupid, so he came to stop him. Ryan says he's not going to do anything. He'd just "ruin" it. Not if he just walked in and danced with Marissa and didn't punch anyone in the face, he wouldn't. Seth assures Ryan that he won't lose Marissa, and asks for a ride back to his school dance, where the guitars play gently.
Back at Harbor, Summer is on the phone with Seth's voicemail. She leaves a whiny message asking where he is, and then notices Taylor Townsend looking around in a totally suspect manner before she disappears down the hall. Summer is intrigued. That, or she's hoping to catch Taylor Townsend alone in a dark corner to beat the crap out of her, Ryan-style.
But Taylor Townsend isn't alone -- she's making out with someone. We can't see his face, but since the Music of Evil is playing, we can certainly guess who it is before we do see him for sure. Dean Evil and Taylor part ways. "Oh my god!" Summer whispers to the floor. Awesome.
The Seedy Motel has yet another customer. Business certainly does boom for them when people's lives go into the shitter. Julie and her many, many suitcases don't know what to do with all this cheap carpeting and suspiciously-stained bedding. So she turns on the TV for company, not as a sleep aid, which is why she isn't watching The O.C. Julie starts to unpack, but then she needs take a break from that to cry. Aw. And ew -- she put her bare face on the motel blanket.
Seth finds Summer at Harbor. He apologizes for leaving, and Summer says she has something "really important" to tell him. Then Taylor Townsend, who's dancing with someone her own age for once, asks if Summer is enjoying herself. Summer says she sure is, and grabs Seth to dance with him.
Ryan comes home to the poolhouse, where he finds Marissa waiting for him. He really needs to start locking that place. Although I don't know if that would keep Marissa out when she uses her teleporter, as she did this time. Marissa says it was really important for her to go to that stupid dance, like anyone ever even cares about that stuff, but that she wishes he could have been there. "My life just doesn't work without you," she codependences. Ryan points out that things don't really work out for her when she's with him, either. Marissa goes over to the radio and says that whatever song she turns it onto will be their song. Of course, she turns on some phat urban beats, indicating that when no one's looking, Ryan listens to Hot Jamz 99.5 on the radio. "It's definitely us," Ryan laughs. Marissa changes the station, and "Forever Young" by Youth Group comes on. Pretty incredible that that would be on the radio when the only place it's available is on the latest O.C. mix tape, but there you go. I guess I can't complain, as I'm so glad this isn't the Rod Stewart version and really, "Forever Young" is the perfect song for a teenage couple who either are way older than teenagers or just look it. Ryan offers Marissa his hand, and they dance.
The music continues as we move on to another scene, because music montages are necessary and important. Julie cries, all alone except for the hepatitis she got from that blanket. Seth and Summer dance. Summer observes Taylor and Dean Evil sharing a look. Back at the Seedy Motel, 7 'n 7 smokes post-coitally. Sandy and Kirsten pic-a-nic. Ryan and Marissa dance. Will this be their LAST WALTZ? Find out month, because this month is all baseball! As they say in public school, peace out, homie dawg! That's what the white kids say, anyway. Everyone else just stands in the background and watches.