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The Range Rover pulls up in front of a dilapidated old building. I wonder why the gang has taken to hanging out in condemned areas, but then Seth reveals that they're actually at "Newport Union High School, Orange County's answer to public education." How telling that even the people on this show won't call Orange County "the O.C." Seth and Summer praise the school's parking lot for being "spacious" (because the students are too poor to have their own cars) and "well-lit" (sunlight's free), while Ryan comments that since the school is up on a hill (probably built on a landfill), there should be a "good breeze." I hope so, since it's pretty unlikely that a poor-ass public school like that has any air conditioning. My public school didn't, but then, it was in Connecticut, which tends to be a little cooler. Marissa exposits that even if she hadn't been kicked out of Harbor, Julie can no longer afford to send her to private school, so she was always doomed to end up here. Ryan offers to let Marissa "home school" with him, like, I'm sure Sandy would have no problem paying the tutor extra to take on Marissa. Shut up, Ryan. And way to save money building a new set, there, guys, by having Ryan study at home. Marissa says she's actually looking forward to public school, a place where everyone doesn't know everything about each other and people won't be staring at her all the time, because Marissa is so full of herself that she thinks people at Harbor were staring at her. Marissa scans the public-school crowd, the members of which are, of course, staring at the huge black Range Rover. They've never seen such a vehicle before, not even on their black and white TVs! Plus, it's followed by a mile of blocked traffic. It's a drop and loading zone, Ryan, not a "sit and chat" zone. Marissa leaves the car. Seth, Summer, and Ryan watch her go, all worried and sad like she's walking through the gates of hell or something.
Marissa makes her way through the multi-ethnic halls of public school, which are outside because this is Southern California and also because they can't afford roofs. A hilarious gang of girls, all wearing black t-shirts so you know they're hardcore, stop and call Marissa "Newport Barbie," because in public school, you can't afford the latest trend in girls' dolls: Bratz.
After the credits, we get to return to the rich, rich safety of Harbor, where the couches are leather and no one has to go to class. Seth brings Summer some coffee, but there's nowhere to put it on the table, covered as it is with papers for the latest Social Committee event. Summer whines that she always thought Social Chair was just a ceremonial position, which is an easy mistake to make considering that her example, Marissa, really didn't do anything. Dean Evil slithers up and says that when he was spending time in the boy's locker room last night (your guess is as good as mine as to what that was about), he couldn't help noticing that it was a filthy pit. Surely he's mistaken! Maybe he was in the public school boys' locker room and just thought it was Harbor. Anyway, Seth's latest punishment will be cleaning the locker room, since Harbor apparently spent their custodial-staff budget on hiring a smarmy new dean. Oh well! Dean Evil says that he'd be willing to make things a lot easier if Seth gives up his partner in Tiki hut crime. Summer is silent. Seth insists that he acted alone. Dean Evil tells Seth to meet him in the locker room at 3, and to be ready to clean toilets. He leaves, and Summer begs Seth to "let" her tell Dean Evil that she helped him. Funny, I don't recall Seth issuing any gag orders when he was caught and Summer watched him get two months' detention for refusing to say that he had a partner. Maybe he signed it to her off-camera.
“ Queenie says she'll 'let' Marissa pass if Marissa tells her she's better than Queenie. I think Queenie's got the intimidation/ dominance bully ritual backwards. Maybe she's dyslexic. ”
Ryan comes home, where Sandy says he just spoke to Ryan's new tutor, who has a "great rsum" and is also invisible, given that we won't be seeing her in this episode. Apparently, she tutored Stallone's kids, which isn't exactly a ringing endorsement. Ryan asks if he can go to public school instead and spare the Cohens the expense of a celebrity tutor. Sandy's no idiot, and he figures out pretty quickly that Ryan's motivation is to be with Marissa. Needless to say, he's not thrilled. Most of the ensuing conversation takes place in shots over the speaker's shoulder where you can clearly see that the words don't match up with what the actors are saying, so nice coverage there, crew. It's distractingly bad. Sandy dubs that Ryan needs to focus on himself and his SATs, and that none of that will happen in public school with Marissa. One tough subject down, one more to go for Sandy as he moves over to Kirsten, who says she's going to try to conquer her fear of cooking as recommended by Dr. Woody. She's also planting an herb garden, because this will somehow help her to achieve that goal. Maybe Kirsten-grown herbs are less likely to turn against her or something. Sandy says that he shares Kirsten's fear of Kirsten's cooking, so this is something they can get over together. But first, they'll share a shower and get over each other.
Julie has a visitor! Her excitement fades when the visitor reveals that the mansion and its contents are going to be repossessed in the forty-eight hours. "I'm sorry," the messenger says. He doesn't sound very sorry, though.
Back at public school, where the guitar riffs are hardcore to for atmospheric purposes, a girl puts up some posters announcing an upcoming school dance as the bell rings and kids empty out into the halls. One of the kids is Marissa, who is immediately jostled by the Queen of the Black Shirt Brigade. It's pretty cool of the teachers to show their solidarity with the students by dressing like them and all, but -- oh, wait, I'm sorry. Queenie is supposed to be a high-school student even though she looks like she's on the wrong side of thirty. They live rough in public school, though, so maybe that's why. Queenie accuses Marissa of walking into her, and Marissa patiently responds that she's new and got lost and she's sorry. Politeness don't fly in the P-blik SKOOL hood, though, and Queenie says she'll "let" Marissa pass if Marissa tells her she's better than Queenie. I think Queenie's got the intimidation/dominance bully ritual backwards. Maybe she's dyslexic. How sad for her that the underfunded public education system doesn't have the resources to give her the individual attention she needs to overcome this condition. She'll be ordering people to tell her they're better than she is for the rest of her life. Marissa is confused as to what Queenie wants from her. After all, didn't she do the lesbian thing just last season? Surely the ratings don't need another girl-girl action boost so soon! Another girl notices the non-fracas and steps in. She asks "Heather" (of COURSE Queenie's name is Heather) to leave the new student welcoming to her, and Heather backs down like a wuss. Marissa thanks New Friend for the help and wonders what Heather's problem with her is. New Friend thinks it might have something to do with Marissa's designer bag, shoes, and Chanel necklace, because even kids who can barely afford the wares at the local mall are up-to-date on the latest high-end boutiques. Also, Marissa? Wearing a Chanel logo as a necklace is freaking lame. New Friend introduces herself as Casey and officially welcomes Marissa to Newport Union. Marissa says that Casey is the first "nice person" she's met today, which should really endear her to the rest of the student body. "I'm not even that nice," Casey says, and leaves as the bell rings. The halls are empty except for Marissa, who has no idea where her class is. Just hop over the barbed wire fence, take a right at the rusty shed, walk through the sewer pipe, and you're there. It's all right there on the mimeographed map, Marissa.