Ryan and Marissa continue to be expelled from school, and spend their new free time planning romantic trysts away from their disapproving parents and/or guardians. And then Julie and Jimmy decide to get move the whole family off to Hawaii as soon as their weekend wedding is over, so it looks like Marissa is off to The H.I. Ryan alternately broods and thinks up ridiculous plans that will allow Marissa to stay. Meanwhile, Dean Evil's evil evilness extends to forcing Seth and Summer to work on the school production of Taylor Townsend's South Pacific. This culminates in Summer's calling Taylor a skank (twice!), and then the couples steal a Tonganese beach hut prop so that Ryan and Marissa can spend their last night together having sex, which they apparently have never done before and do so delicately that the flimsy cardboard stage prop does not collapse on them. While they do it, Jimmy is beaten up by Shady Guy and his goons after Caleb's will yields a letter for Kirsten and no money for anyone, whoops! It looks like Jimmy has broken his last promise, but then the morning he's alive and ready to sail away from Newport forever, leaving his daughters and ex-wife/fiancée behind. Sorry, Julie! Also sorry to those of you who don't like Marissa, since she'll be sticking around for a while. Over in The AA, Kirsten decides that home really is where the heart is, and comes back to the waiting embrace of her family. 7 'n 7's check to rent out the cabin bounces, so she does, too. Looks like she's heading for Orange County.
Parental discretion is advised due to "violent content." This makes me really excited, even though I'm sure the violence won't be directed against the character(s) I want, nor will it be as violent as I want. Oh well.
The gang of four have breakfast at the diner. Summer calls Ryan and Marissa's expulsion from school "epically tragic." I hope Odysseus sails up and slays her for exaggerations of such epic magnitude. Ryan and Marissa choose to look on the bright side of life, and say that the fact that they don't go to Harbor anymore is okay. "Not for me," says Seth, who can only look at the things in respect to how they affect him. Summer agrees that with Ryan no longer around to protect him, Seth will go back to being the "Death Breath Seth" who gets slammed into lockers. Even though he's a senior now and is dating a popular girl. Ryan says that this isn't helping to cheer him and Marissa up, and Seth says that he's the one who needs cheering up, of course, because that's how things work in Sethland. Summer says that, at the very least, Ryan and Marissa no longer have to deal with the new two-dimensional evil characters of Dean Hess and Taylor Townsend. And as long as they stick together, they'll be fine. Which means, of course, that something will happen in this episode to tear them apart...right...now. Marissa and Ryan's cell phones both ring with messages from their respective guardians telling them to come home for a talk. They leave, and Seth and Summer both agree that they don't think Ryan and Marissa will actually be able to stick together. They've watched this show before.
Ryan comes home to find Sandy on the phone. Sandy's busy trying to run the Newport Group in Kirsten's absence, and now he's got Expelled Ryan to deal with on top of it, which he doesn't appreciate. He says he knows that Ryan's been through a lot lately, but that he needs to "look past" all that and think about his future. Namely, a future without Marissa, because if Sandy's going to have to go without all summer because his wife is in rehab, then everyone around him should, too. Ryan scoffs at this, saying that what happened with Trey wasn't Marissa's fault. Sandy says he doesn't want them to "break up" -- just to spend some time apart until Ryan gets "out of this hole [he's] dug for [himself]." Although Ryan didn't dig it, exactly. More like punched it. And since the ground was a ridiculous paper-thin caricature, it was pretty easy to do.
Over at the Cooper-Nichol-Unpaid-Staff residence, Marissa comes home to find that Julie has good news: Amazin' Vanishin' Kaitlin's boarding school will accept Marissa as a student. Say, that is good news! Julie explains that the more "elite" the institution is, the more "accepting" it is of criminals. I think that only works if the institution is jail, but whatever. Marissa, obviously, doesn't like this idea, but Julie says she thinks a fresh start would be really good for Marissa. Especially if said fresh start is away from Ryan. Marissa claims that she wants to stick around Newport to help her parents get their family back together. Julie softens and says she won't make Marissa go to boarding school if she stays away from Ryan. Marissa whines that her expulsion isn't his fault. She's right about that; it's the fault of her ridiculous school that expels people for almost being raped and then calls that a "fair decision." Julie tells Marissa that it's time for her to listen to her parents, since she's obviously not able to take care of herself.
Speaking of people who can't take care of themselves, Jimmy's on the phone with his shady loan sharks telling them that everything is under control and that they'll be getting their money soon. He gets off the phone and comes to Sandy's door. He starts off by apologizing for the last few weeks. They exchange a Handshake of Forgiveness, and Jimmy gets to the real reason for his visit: money. Specifically, how much of it Julie will be getting from Caleb's estate and how soon. He asks Sandy if he can make a phone call for Jimmy to find out. I don't know why the lawyer in charge of Caleb's will would give Sandy answers he wouldn't give anyone else, although maybe they both speak a secret lawyer language. Sandy notices that Jimmy's all nervous and asks if there's anything else he needs to know. Of course, Jimmy denies that there is. Sandy says he'll call the lawyer.
Over at Harbor, Seth reports to Summer that he has already been given a wedgie -- by sophomores. Don't worry, Seth! I'm sure there's an indie-emo-retro '80s band out there with a song all about the pain of having cotton shoved upwards into your ass crack that will make you feel all better. Also, I see that the actual scene of Seth getting the wedgie was left out of the episode, proving that my earlier theory that I will not be seeing the violent content I want to see is correct. Dean Evil slithers up to the pair and asks if they'd like to help with the school's production of South Pacific, since he figured they'd want to do something to make up for the fact that they were responsible for Marissa's "crashing" the carnival. I didn't see her "crash" it so much as "come as the invited guest of a Harbor student," but then, I didn't see Seth and Summer being responsible for her presence there at all, either. I must have watched a different episode. Summer says that she would join just about any school club before she'd be involved with the drama club, of which one Taylor Townsend is, of course, president. Is there anything that Taylor can't do? She's amazing!
Speak of the she-devil, Taylor comes up and says that, yes, she will be directing the musical, as well as writing it. Still a little groggy from his wedgie, Seth slurs that he always thought Rodgers and Hammerstein wrote the play. Taylor Baz Luhrmanns that she went in and changed a few things around to make a good play even better. "That sounds awesome!" Summer over-enthuses, adding that, unfortunately, she and Seth are very busy so they won't be able to help. Taylor makes a pouty face at the Dean, who says that while drama club is voluntary, Seth and Summer should show some school spirit unless they, too, want to be expelled. Um...what? I know this is private school, but they still have to have a reason to expel someone to write on the expulsion report. And I don't think "one guy thought they didn't have enough school spirit" really flies as a reason here.
Jimmy sneaks up on Julie at the yacht club and greets her with a surprise kiss. He wants to get married as soon as possible, like this Saturday. He doesn't think they need to go through the whole traditional two hundred strangers and a DJ (so that's what happened to him!) playing "Kool and the Gang" again. They could have the wedding at the Yacht Club, even. Julie agrees that they could pull something "tasteful" and "understated" together, which is kind of like Seth saying he could do something "selfless" and "generous to others" with his time. Julie comes up with a morning wedding with mimosas and custom omelets. Jimmy says they can take the boat out to Hawaii for two weeks for their honeymoon, which snaps Julie back to real life and the problem with Marissa, who can't get into any schools within a fifty-mile radius since they all "read the paper." I can't imagine that a case where Marissa was not ever formally charged as a suspect would be so important as to make a newspaper fifty miles away, or that Marissa the Minor's name would ever be revealed in connection with it, but there you go. Julie says she just wants their daughter to have a clean slate. Julie sure does love clean slates today. Jimmy just wants to get bizzy in Hawaii. You have to feel sorry for Marissa when Julie is the better parent. She wonders what the educational system in Hawaii is like.
Sandy makes a surprise visit to the Cabin in the Woods, where 7 'n 7 announces that Kirsten will be right out, as soon as she frees herself from the chair 7 'n 7 tied her to. 7 'n 7 asks if everything is okay, and Sandy briskly replies that it is. Then they stare at each other in awkward silence until 7 'n 7 walks off, promising Sandy and Kirsten some privacy. Out comes Kirsten, seeming very happy to see her husband. He says he's here about "official business" -- Caleb's will is being read on Friday. Kirsten's not too pleased with that, since she worked so hard to put her dad behind her, which was maybe something she should have done after stuff like his will-reading was finished, but whatever. She's not sure if she can come back for it or not, and Sandy tells her to do whatever she needs to get better, because he's the Perfect Husband. He notes that Kirsten seemed more positive about her recovery when she was at SURIAK, and Kirsten explains that reality is more complicated than SURIAK. Is it, though? I thought I saw a human maze in the courtyard, and it looked pretty tricky to me. Sandy suspects that Kirsten's change of attitude is due to 7 'n 7's influence, and Kirsten says that 7 'n 7 has told her a few stories about relapsing as soon as she got out of rehab, and was already close to relapsing once. Sandy thinks 7 'n 7 is trying to scare Kirsten. Kirsten thinks she's just being honest. I think she's honestly trying to scare Kirsten. Sandy and Kirsten hug, and Sandy notices a door swinging shut from where 7 'n 7 was probably just spying on them. Creepy!
Ryan and Marissa make out on Marissa's bed. Then Julie knocks on the door and Ryan runs off to a hiding spot, falling on his face in his hurry to get off the bed. It would have been really awesome if Ryan had grabbed a nearby lampshade and thrown it over his head to hide, like they do in cartoons, but instead he just boringly hides behind a curtain. Marissa opens the door, where Julie lectures her that they "don't have locked doors in this house," which must make for some pretty awkward situations when Julie and Jimmy are gettin' bizzy and then Marissa bursts into her mom's room to borrow a shirt. No wonder she's so messed up. Julie tells Marissa that she and Jimmy are getting married on Saturday, after which they'll be going to Hawaii. All of four of them. Forever. Marissa doesn't like this idea. Julie doesn't care. They're all moving to Hawaii and getting fresh starts and clean slates and that's final. Julie leaves the room so that Ryan and Marissa can share a Tragic Star-Crossed Lovers' Stare.
The morning, Ryan's making custom omelets as Seth suggests that he and Marissa run away together, because that plan always works out. Ryan says he'd like a plan that doesn't involve his getting arrested. Seth says that Ryan can move to Hawaii too, and become a SCUBA instructor or start his own macadamia nut farm. Seth loves macadamia nuts. And Ryan in a wetsuit. It's the perfect plan for Seth, if for no one else. Ryan would rather have Marissa move to the Cohen Casa. "I think the nut farm has a better shot," Seth says. Ryan says that the Cohen house has "plenty of room," which gives it something in common with the space between his ears. Can't anyone on this show come up with a plan that isn't fundamentally ridiculous? Seth doubts that this plan will work, but he gives Ryan some "ammo" for when he presents it to Sandy -- a bagel. Bagels are like kryptonite for Jews, you see. Summer and Marissa hug. Summer says she won't let Marissa leave. Like, she will physically stop Marissa from leaving Newport. Hopefully, this plan will not involve a net, since Marissa could probably squeeze through the holes of a colander without breaking a sweat. Marissa says that Hawaii is a better option than boarding school, and she's kind of excited about the idea of her family being together and staying together and everyone being happy for the first time ever. Even if it means leaving Ryan.
Jimmy and Julie kiss like teenagers. Except for Seth and Summer, whose displays of affection are pretty much limited to Summer's swats at Seth's head. Julie asks Jimmy why he was tense for the last few months, but now he's all relaxed and happy. Jimmy says that he's just excited about his fresh start. These fresh starts are starting to get stale. Julie leaves to meet with the caterer, bumping into the Shady Guy on her way off. He lets himself onto the boat, and Jimmy confidently tells him that this story will have a "happy ending," which means it won't. Jimmy assures the guy that he will have every dime of his money by tomorrow night. Shady Guy says he's rooting for Jimmy and all, but that "this is it." PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED!
Ryan brings Sandy a bagel and asks if Marissa can stay with the Cohens when the Coopers move to Hawaii. "You gotta lotta nerve even to bring that up," Sandy says. "I care about this girl," Ryan says. He cares about her so much that he refers to as "this girl." He thinks Marissa needs a break, just like Ryan and Sandy once did. Sandy says that Kirsten's absence must be making him all sentimental, and that Ryan's plan "poses a myriad of obstacles." Apparently, Kirsten's absence also makes him unable to use words like "myriad" correctly. Due to bad grammar, parental discretion is advised. "Anything you can do!" Ryan says, taking off before Sandy can change his mind. Sandy calls Kirsten.
Kirsten's happy to hear from Sandy, and says she's going to see him on Friday. "So you're gonna come?!" Sandy says, hoping that means he'll get to come, too. It's been a long summer for Sandy. Kirsten says she's not exactly looking forward to it, but that she thinks it's important for her to be there. Sandy hopefully asks if Kirsten plans to stay in Newport. "We'll see how it goes," says Kirsten, as 7 'n 7 walks out with a tray of tea. Sandy and Kirsten hang up, and 7 'n 7 apologizes for "accidentally" overhearing their conversation after she accidentally turned on her cell phone listening device. Kirsten says she thinks that going back to Newport for the will is the right thing to do. 7 'n 7 asks if it's the right thing for Kirsten or for Sandy. Kirsten says that Sandy has been more than accepting of every stage of her recovery, and makes it clear that she is going because she wants to, not because Sandy does. So 7 'n 7 asks if Kirsten is trying to please her dead dad, hoping something with stick. It doesn't work this time, though. Kirsten is going back to Newport, and she feels great. "Please promise me you'll sleep on it," 7 'n 7 urges. And by "it," she of course means the small tape player she hid under her pillow that will be playing a recording of 7 'n 7 saying "don't go to Newport" over and over again.
Taylor has fabulous fun bossing Summer around with the roof placement on the super-romantic Tonganese beach hut. Seth, meanwhile, has nailed his shirt to the hut's bamboo wall. "He's a little disabled when it comes to handling tools," Summer explains. "Summer, it's specially-abled," Taylor corrects, and gets down to business, telling Summer and Seth that it's so great they still have each other, after Marissa, the "popular one," left Summer alone and Ryan, "the protector," left Seth to fend for himself. Seth's still the "biggest geek in Newport," Taylor says, and Summer has had enough of that. "Listen, skank," Summer begins, as Seth hits a hammer against his hand menacingly but not really. "Just because you're saying really mean things in like a really nice voice doesn't mean that we don't realize that you're just some stupid little skank!" While I applaud the realistic teenage dialogue here, I would like to see Summer diversify her insult vocabulary just a bit, especially since we don't have any proof as of yet that Taylor even is a skank except for those looks she and Dean Evil keep shooting each other. Of course, he's right there to hear the commotion, and asks Summer if there's a problem. Taylor says there isn't, and then bursts into fake tears and runs away. Dean Evil asks if that is Seth and Summer's idea of "school spirit." From what I've seen of Harbor, it does seem like a pretty good guess. Dean Evil doesn't think so, and warns Seth and Summer that if there is "one more incident" there will be "consequences." And parental discretion will be advised.
Marissa wanders into the poolhouse, where Ryan is wearing his hottest wifebeater. They greet each other with what is supposed to be a hot and steamy kiss, and Ryan tells Marissa that he convinced Sandy to help keep Marissa in Newport. Marissa isn't exactly thrilled. She says it's really great of Ryan to do that, but that keeping her family together is important to her, even if it means having to move to Hawaii. She apologizes and leaves. I'll tell you what: The O.C. really is pushing the envelope of audience expectations here, making moving to Hawaii seem like a bad thing. This is daring television.
The Cohen/Atwood guys have yet another morning conversation. Ryan doesn't know what to do about Marissa's moving away. Sandy says that Ryan will just have to figure out whether a long-distance relationship will work. It really depends on whether or not there's another blonde Borg with mysterious yet obviously evil intentions in Hawaii. Seth suggests that Ryan start a blog about the "innermost workings of Ryan Atwood." Unfortunately, Ryan does not have any innermost workings, although that hasn't stopped anyone from starting a blog before. Sandy tells Ryan to do something special for Marissa before she leaves, and Seth, inspired by South Pacific, says that it should be something that will help Marissa to remember Ryan when she's surrounded by "hot native dudes and lonely sailors." Ryan and Sandy both stop what they're doing and stare at Seth, who takes that back before violent content that parental discretion is advised for happens to him. Sandy changes the subject to Kirsten, saying that he'll be seeing her today and asking if Seth has a message he'd like Sandy to pass along to her. Seth would like to know if she's ever coming home. Sandy says that if they push Kirsten too hard, it'll be their fault if she comes home before she's ready and screws up again. Seth says that if they don't push, Kirsten may never come home, and Sandy angrily says that the situation is too "complicated for those snide comments," although it's not like Seth said that Kirsten could go off to Hawaii and have sex with hot native dudes and lonely sailors, so it really wasn't as bad as it could have been. Sandy's just being over-sensitive because he's just as afraid of Kirsten never coming back as Seth is. When, that is, Seth remembers that he has a mother.
Kirsten can't escape the Cabin in the Woods without 7 'n 7 catching her on her way out and complimenting her will-reading attire. She asks if she can join Kirsten. She'll wait in the car while Kirsten hears the will, and then they can stop in Palm Springs for lunch on the way back. "I think I just need to go alone," Kirsten says. That's right, Kirsten! You break that spell of codependence 7 'n 7 has put you under and you go to that will-reading and you come home to Newport! Kirsten assures 7 'n 7 that whatever Caleb's will has in store for her, it won't be more than she can handle. 7 'n 7 says that she has a feeling Caleb has a surprise in store for Kirsten, because she read the script. "I just hope it's a good one!" she says, which means it won't be.
Seth and Summer paint some waves on the set and talk about a super-secret, super-dangerous, super-romantic plan. Taylor overhears them and asks them what they're worried about getting caught doing. Summer thinks fast and says that they're talking when they're supposed to be painting, and then orders Seth to stop messing her up. Taylor agrees that the seagull Summer's painting does look like it has fins. "That's because it's a dolphin," Summer says. Taylor tells her to make it a seagull, because her South Pacific re-tooling is so avant-garde that it will have seagulls swimming in the ocean. Taylor walks away, and Summer says that they'll begin Seth's plan at 2100 hours.
Over at the Newport Group offices, Julie and Jimmy are happy and surprised to see Kirsten. They say that she looks fantastic, and Julie comments that maybe she should go to rehab if she could come out looking that great. Then she remembers that you can't drink in rehab and immediately decides that it's not worth it. The lawyer walks in and says it's time to get started. Julie and Jimmy can't freaking wait to find out how much money they'll be getting. You can see the dollars signs in their eyes if you're watching this in HDTV. The lawyer begins with a speech about what a generous man Caleb was, which Julie cuts short, saying that they all heard the eulogy at Caleb's funeral so they don't need it now. The lawyer continues by saying that Caleb intended to split his fortune equally amongst his daughters of indeterminate number and his wife. Jimmy smiles. After pausing for a sufficient amount of time to get everyone's hopes up, the lawyer says that that was Caleb's intention. "And that's all the matters, right?" Julie asks. How come in some episodes, Julie's an evil genius schemer, and in others, she's a naive idiot without even the most basic knowledge of estate law and nervous fiancés? The lawyer says it turns out that Caleb is as broke as this show's guest-star budget after shelling out for Jeri Ryan and Tate Donovan, which is why Hailey and Lindsay are conspicuously absent. Also, his business is in the toilet, probably because it's being run by the dead CEO's daughter's husband while the daughter is in rehab for an undetermined amount of time. That doesn't inspire much investor confidence, I'd think. Jimmy wonders if he can barf and run at the same time. The lawyer gives Kirsten a "personal letter" Caleb sent him to give to her the day he died. Kirsten hopes against hope that it was written in grain alcohol, and walks out without saying anything. Sandy follows her. "What about me?" Julie asks. There's no letter for her, which is too bad, since it would have been funny to watch her open it and then shake it to see if a check fell out. "Jimmy, do something!" she says. Jimmy just gulps cartoonishly.
Outside the Newport Group office, Sandy begs Kirsten to slow her roll. Kirsten says she knows that Caleb wrote the letter after their fight, and that 7 'n 7 was right all along about Caleb's having a surprise for her. She's sure the letter says some mean things. "I can't be here right now," she says, and gets into her hired car. Sandy knocks on the car window as the chauffeur drives her away.
Ryan enters Marissa's room, where she's packing Share Bear up in a suitcase. She says she didn't expect to see him, and he says that he understands how important it can be to want to keep one's family together. Marissa says she might be leaving Newport, but that she's not leaving him. Ryan says he just wants them to have the "best twenty-four hours" of their lives together right now, which will be immediately followed by the worst twenty-four minutes of Marissa's when she comes back and has less than a half hour to pack all of her worldly possessions. He grabs her hand and drags her out of the room, bound for the diner and chili-cheese fries. You see, it's wrong when the Dean grabs Marissa's arm, but when Ryan does it, it's really sweet.
Yacht Club. Julie and Jimmy drink because their lives suck. Julie says that she "talked herself into" loving Caleb, and thought that his money would make her feel safe, but that she never felt safe with Caleb like she does with Jimmy. Whoops. Julie says it's not like they're poor; after all, Jimmy does have that fictional business in Hawaii, and they'll be sailing around on that yacht he doesn't own. "Aloha!" says Julie. "Aloha" means "hello." It also means "goodbye." Jimmy cringes, and then his phone rings and he cringes a little more. He gets up, saying that he has to do some "stuff" on the boat. Julie says she'll see him later tonight, then, and he stammers that it's bad luck to be with the bride the night before the wedding. He says he'll meet Julie at the Yacht Club tomorrow. "I had no idea you were so traditional," Julie says. But Jimmy is, if anything, a creature of habit. And that habit is screwing up and then running away, which is what he's going to do right now.
7 'n 7 smokes a Cigarette of Evil in front of the Fireplace of Evil. Sandy calls and asks if Kirsten's home yet. 7 'n 7 says she expected her back hours ago, and asks if everything is okay. Sandy says that if Kirsten isn't with 7 'n 7, then everything probably isn't okay. He asks 7 'n 7 if she has any idea where Kirsten could be, and 7 'n 7 lectures Sandy that Kirsten only went back to Newport because she didn't want to let Sandy down, which is an EVIL LIE! Sandy asks her to let her know if she hears anything. 7 'n 7 agrees to do this, and hangs up with a smirk on her face.
At the diner, the Gang of Four pretend that they just ate a meal, and then Seth and Summer lie that they're really tired, even though it's only 8:30 (a.k.a 2030, military time). They leave Ryan and Marissa alone, and Marissa is a little bit suspicious. Ryan says that he does have a "little something," and asks Marissa to follow him.
Ryan and Marissa drive to the beach, where the Tonganese beach hut is waiting for them, surrounded by lit candles and tiki torches. Sadly, the dolphin-seagull did not make the trip.
Jimmy's hasty retreat is interrupted by Shady Guy, who is not as stupid as he is shady. He asks for his money. You know, even if Caleb had left Julie any money, how did Jimmy expect to have it, in cash, by that night? Did he think the lawyer was just going to hand them a burlap sack with a dollar sign drawn on it filled with cash? Jimmy says he's had some "unexpected complications," i.e. he doesn't have the money. Shady Guy signals back to his SUV, and a few burly Menacing Men come out. Jimmy stammers that he thought he and Shady Guy could talk like rational people. Shady Guy says he's done talking: "Get in the car." The thugs helpfully take Jimmy's luggage for him, and Shady Guy says that he's sorry. He really is the nicest loan shark ever. They drive off, Jimmy in the front passenger seat. That means that if they get into an accident, he's statistically the most likely to die.
Ryan and Marissa make out. Suddenly, Marissa puts a stop to it, saying that she "can't do this," and runs out. Ryan just sits there with his mouth hanging open until Marissa comes right back in, playfully asking if Ryan was going to try to stop her. I'd hope not, considering that it was his brother who tried to rape her on this very beach and that it could bring back a few unpleasant memories. With that in mind, this might not be the best place for them to have sex for the first time, either. Beaches are romantic, but the sites of recent sexually-related trauma are really not. But let's forget about Season 2, because this is Season 3, and it's a fresh start for clean slates. Ryan grabs Marissa and they make out again, and then Ryan asks if Marissa is sure she wants to do "this." They've "done a lot," but not "this." Oh...uh...they haven't? Really? Okay. Marissa says that she wants to have the sex, even thought it will make it "harder" (hee hee hee) for her to leave. Is that the sound of a musical montage I hear?
It is, and it's the Parental Discretion Advised version, as Ryan and Marissa undress and Jimmy is walked down to the beach to get the crap beaten out of him. I really hope he's not on the same beach as Ryan and Marissa, because hearing your daughter have sex would probably be worse than one hundred punches in the face. Over in a non-beach area, Kirsten buys Pure brand vodka, since they were out of the Fresh Start brand, and then gets a call from Sandy that she doesn't answer as she checks into Relapse Motor Inn. The thugs drag Jimmy into the ocean to continue his beating, because they apparently like the feeling of sitting in wet clothes and also because it looks cool when they punch him and water goes flying everywhere. Shots of Ryan and Marissa doin' it dissolve into shots of Marissa's dad getting done, none of which is at all violent enough for the parental discretion advised label. I'm disappointed, but not surprised. A body floats in the water. This show's entire teenage audience subconsciously connects sex, alcohol, and violence. Well, it's not like they weren't going to learn that in a few years anyway.
The morning, Ryan isn't wearing a shirt. Awesome. He and Marissa have spent the night in the Tonganese beach hut, because that's comfortable. Marissa's cell phone rings. Something's wrong.
And what's wrong is that the loan shark and his thugs didn't kill Jimmy, they just beat him up. That's ridiculous. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go borrow a ton of money from some shady guys. Hundreds of thousands of dollars is totally worth a few black eyes. Marissa runs onto the boat and gasps at her dad's condition. He says that he's in "real trouble" he can't fix. So he has to go. Without Marissa or Julie or Kaitlin, not like she was going to go with them anyway. He apologizes for being a terrible father, and Marissa tells him that if he has to go, he should go. But that he shouldn't ever come back (until Tate Donavan needs another paycheck. See you week, Tate). Meanwhile, I hope those loan sharks decide that if they can't hurt Jimmy, they'll just go after his family instead. I'm sorry, I meant "don't decide." No, I didn't. Marissa hugs Jimmy, and he whines at her to stop because his ribs hurt. He gives Marissa a ring to give to her mother. "I really love her," he says. But not really, just like he doesn't love his daughters. He kisses her on the forehead. Marissa walks off the boat, where Ryan is waiting for her. "Let's go find your mom," he says, shooting Jimmy an "I got expelled from school for punching a dean and I'm still a bigger man than you" look. That, or he's got sand in an uncomfortable area.
There's a knock at the cabin door. 7 'n 7 hopes it's Kirsten, but it's actually some random older woman, who says that the family that actually owns the cabin will be returning to it sooner than planned. Wait a minute, what?! 7 'n 7 said that the cabin belonged to her dad! You don't mean to tell me that she lied, do you? Shocker! 7 'n 7 says that she was supposed to have the cabin for two more weeks, and the lady says she would if her check had cleared. But it didn't. Then a car full of thugs, their clothes still damp with salt water, drive up and drag 7 'n 7 off to the beach and beat the crap out of her, parental discretion advised. Except not really. 7 'n 7 says she'll go get the woman the money she owes from the last two weeks. What she actually does is runs back to either her or Kirsten's (or both, depending on where this storyline is leading) bedroom, packs a bag full of stuff, including Kirsten's Chrismukkah picture, opens the window, and escapes, saying that she was thinking of spending some time at the beach. I hope she can find a section that isn't stained with bodily fluids.
Guess who's home? It's Kirsten! Sandy is both thrilled and relieved. They kiss some more, because they haven't done that enough in this episode, and Kirsten rightfully apologizes for scaring Sandy last night. She says she spent the night at a sleazy motel with a bottle of vodka, but didn't drink any of it. She doesn't want to hide from her life anymore. "If things get messy, we'll clean 'em up together," Sandy says. Or you could just do it at the beach and let nature take care of it. Kirsten takes out Caleb's letter and says she needs Sandy around when she reads it. "I'm right here," says Sandy. Kirsten opens the letter and reads it. We don't see it, but Kirsten tells us that it's an apology. It was a good surprise after all, both for Kirsten and the viewers, because that was some nice continuity there. Kirsten cries into Sandy's chest. Aw.
Marissa finds Julie waiting for her wedding. Julie sees that Ryan is with her, which is the first sign of trouble, and then notices the look on Marissa's face. "Where's your father?" she asks. Marissa just holds up the ring. And Julie's heart is broken. She wonders what she's going to do now. "We'll figure it out together. We always do," Marissa tells her. Aw.
Seth and Summer return the sex-covered props to the theater. Seth says that their first "foray" into musical theater was a big success, and Summer tells him not to say "foray" ever again. I guess she doesn't like that word. And it has the added bonus of giving her something to put Seth down about. Summer leaves to get the tiki torches, and then a huge Spotlight of Drama turns on as Dean Evil calls out Seth's name. He accuses Seth of stealing props. Seth says he just borrowed them. For his dad. Who loves musicals. And does a fabulous rendition of "Some Enchanted Evening." I wish that could have been the song they used in the montage. Dean Evil ain't buying it. Seth says that he borrowed the set and brought it back unharmed and that it will be re-assembled. No harm, no foul. Dean Evil says it's more about the "principle of the thing." Speaking of principals of things, where is Dr. Kim? Did Dean Evil lock her in her closet so that he could have full control of the school? What the hell is he doing there on a Saturday morning anyway? This is stupid. Seth tells him to go ahead and expel him, then, since at the rate he's going, the school will be free of students by Thanksgiving. Free of students who steal stuff and punch authority figures and shoot people, that is. Dean Evil says that he's not about to give Seth the privilege of reuniting with his friends in Happy No School Land: "I'm gonna keep you here. With me." "That's creepy," Seth mutters, which was really funny. Dean Evil gives Seth a month of detention, unless he wants to rat out his partner. Summer the Idiot walks in with the one tiki torch she took out of the car (way to carry, Sums) and just stares at the scene, not coming forward to give herself up, but not hiding, either. Seth says that he acted alone, and Summer skulks off with her tiki torch -- which is gigantic, by the way. Or maybe it just looks big to all these teeny-tiny cast members. Seriously, I've met Ben McKenzie and Adam Brody, and they came up to my knees. And I'm just over five feet tall. Can you imagine what would happen if the fabulous Richard Moll ever guest-starred on this show? He could step on them all! Parental discretion would have to be advised. Dean Evil extends Seth's punishment to two months.
"Sorry about your dad," Ryan says to Marissa. It's hard for him to be very sympathetic about this since it means he gets to have more Marissa, but he does try. Much as it's hard for Ben McKenzie to be a good actor, but he does try. Marissa says she's more scared than mad right now. Ryan says they'll stick together, and everything will be all right. Kissy-kissy. Yet another song plays on the soundtrack. This show is just an hour-long music video.
Seth is proud of himself for being brave and not selling Summer out. Summer ought to be ashamed of herself, though. Ryan says that Seth is becoming a man. He's in a great mood because he finally had sex. Speaking of people in great moods because they finally had sex, a grinning Kirsten and Sandy walk in, bearing grocery bags. Ryan runs up to greet Kirsten with a cute hug, while Seth stands back, surprised and tentative. He asks Kirsten if she's really home. She says she is. "I missed you," he says with the cutest big grin on his face. I'm glad Adam Brody woke up from his stupor in time to express a genuine emotion when it was really necessary. Kirsten says that she missed him, too. They hug, and I might have sniffled a bit because even my cold black heart is touched when families get back together. Sandy asks if anyone's hungry, and they totally are. They move to the kitchen, everyone updates each other on the latest goings-on. Seth has two months detention. Caleb is broke. Ryan and Marissa are expelled. Jimmy sailed out of town (again). Kirsten's reaction to all of this bad news is a smile. I think she's drunk.