We open in the darkness of Seth's bedroom, where he and Ryan sleep. And all you HoYay! people can just call yourselves right back down, because Ryan is on the floor. The floor. From the bed, Seth whispers Ryan's name and asks if he's asleep; when no answer comes, Seth flips on the light and flops over to peer at Ryan, who is squinting at the harsh glare. Seth again asks if he's asleep, and Ryan moans a lack of response. Seth then reaches out to pinch Ryan's nose, causing Ryan to flip himself over jerkily. Undeterred, Seth concludes, "Yeah. I can't sleep either." He rambles on about how although Summer hasn't technically dumped him yet, it's only a matter of time. He wonders whether he should force a confrontation or "continue to be whiny and passive-aggressive until she realizes what a catch I am." I think I'd go with the first choice, but that's just me. Seth says Ryan's name three times with increasing urgency, and asks again whether Ryan is asleep. Seth chooses a different tack: he announces that he'll let Ryan go back to sleep now, since as bad as things are for Seth, they're even worse for Ryan. This finally catches Ryan's attention, as Seth explains that he at least is sleeping in his own bed and not "sleeping here on my floor...not sleeping." Ryan points out that the only reason he can't sleep is because Seth won't shut up. Seth agrees, but adds that it's also because Theresa is in the pool house, to Marissa's dismay. When Ryan insists that Marissa is fine with it, Seth sarcastically agrees -- the same way Ryan would be fine with it if Oliver were sleeping on Marissa's couch. Except those are two entirely different things: battered girl with no place to go versus a penthouse-sheltered, gun-wielding psychopath. And who would want Oliver sleeping on their couch? to Oliver, Theresa is...well, Mother Teresa. Ryan says it's cool, and then asks what Seth expects him to do? Kick Theresa out of the house? Seth suggests that Ryan should be at least a little bit curious about when she's leaving. When Ryan again insists that he's not worried, Seth sends him back to "bed...or...the floor." Both boys roll over to sleep, and tinkly music plays as we see a wide-awake Ryan, lying under a very comfy-looking sage green blanket. That blanket makes me sleepy. Ryan suddenly sits up and announces that he should talk to Theresa, to which Seth is all, "Let me come with you." How random and interfering and completely inherited from his snoopy-yet-well-intentioned father. In this scene -- which is supposed to take place in the middle of the night -- neither boy's hair looks the least bit different than it does at any other point in the episode. Why not with the delightfully rumpled? It's such a good look for them both. In any case, they head off together to harass their invited houseguest about when she's leaving.
Sandy -- who has been a silent presence so far throughout this conversation -- can't resist the opportunity to join in at Caleb's expense: "Really! So Cay-Cay, what've you been doing all this time?" (Hee at the "Cay-Cay.") Caleb snits over whether Sandy has some place to be, which Sandy counters by announcing that he's having a breakfast meeting with Jimmy, which he suggests might be sounding pretty good to Caleb right about now. Caleb dodges the subject by telling Lady Heather to go with the Wayfarer's Chapel; she scurries after him asking if he's sure, since the photos doesn't do it justice. When she suggests taking him to see it this weekend, he reveals that he's going out of town. This is news to her, and she whines that he can't because they're getting married week! He awkwardly explains that it's just one night -- business in Nevada. It doesn't seem that unbelievable to me, since so many companies are relocating their headquarters from Northern California to Las Vegas, but the Cohens and the Cooper are suddenly all over Caleb. Lady Heather's all, "Nevada? As in. Las Vegas, Nevada," and Kirsten skeptically asks what kind of business takes Caleb to Vegas for just one night. Lady Heather deduces that there is no business, and that he's going to Vegas for a bachelor party! Caleb mumbles that "some investors and I are --" but Lady Heather cuts him off to finish, "Hiring strippers, drinking too much, and gambling all night the weekend before our wedding!" Sandy chimes in that it sounds like a bachelor party to him, and derives much pleasure in claiming to feel a little hurt not to have received an invitation.
Seth and Ryan enter the kitchen just in time for this discussion, and Seth echoes Sandy's disappointment at being excluded from the festivities. Sandy qualifies that it has nothing to do with any affection he has for Caleb, but just because he loves "The Vegas." When Seth expresses surprised over this, Sandy chuckles and repeats, "I love The Vegas. Love The Vegas." He asks how Ryan feels about Vegas, to which Ryan flatly responds, "I've never been to The Vegas. My mom was all about The Reno." Hee. Seth suddenly has an idea: they should all go, since Sandy loves it there and Seth and Ryan have never been! Besides, Ryan can use his "mutant card-counting abilities" to pay for the whole trip. No one object to the fact that Ryan is sixteen (I know I said fifteen two weeks ago, which is the last time I employ hyperbole to make a point in a recap. Okay, so I can't promise that it's really the last time. But it's the last time I employ it poorly.) Lady Heather looks gleeful at the prospect of ruining her beloved's bachelor party, and concludes that it sounds like "fun for the whole family." When Ryan expresses concern over Theresa, Kirsten offers to "take care of" her. In other words, if she piddles on the sofa or something, Kirsten is more than happy to call Rosie to come clean it up. Caleb snits over whether he gets any say in this, and Lady Heather sweetly pecks his cheek and announces that he does not. Caleb had better get used to not having a say in things if he marries Lady Heather. She snidely tells him to enjoy his bachelor party; Caleb just grimaces and bears it.
“ Kirsten argues that she and Lady Heather are smart, sophisticated women and don't need 'strange naked men dancing in front of [them] to be entertained.' So she'd rather it be men they know?. Sandy joins Jimmy in the visual, and again it's just way too easy. And one of them is wearing an elephant thong, but I won't say which. ”
Which is something that Marissa and her mother have in common. At the Newport Group, Lady Heather paces around Kirsten's office, ranting that she doesn't want Chippendales, she wants strippers: "Full-on, full frontal, male strippers!" So suddenly it's okay for the trashy roots to show, but last week's revelation by Cyndi that she likes a good In 'N Out Burger was a complete tragedy? Kirsten suggests that, instead, she invite the girls over and throw Lady Heather a "lovely, catered, bachelorette cocktail party." And much as Lady Heather's choice might not sound appealing to Kirsten, it's still Lady Heather's choice, and if Kirsten is too prudish to give her what she wants, then she should hand the job over to someone else. Cyndi, again, comes to mind. Lady Heather's all, "With strippers!" to Kirsten's suggestion of the cocktail party. Kirsten argues that they're smart, sophisticated women and don't need "strange naked men dancing in front of [them] to be entertained." So she'd rather it be men they know?. Sandy joins Jimmy in the visual, and again it's just way too easy. And one of them is wearing an elephant thong, but I won't say which. Lady Heather rebuts Kirsten's declaration: "I'm not as smart as you." Hee. She argues that the boys are getting strippers, insisting that in Vegas "you get strippers as a side with your entre." Hee. She emphatically declares that the men are getting strippers, because why else would Sandy want to go? This, for some reason, gets through to Kirsten; like she would really believe that Sandy was Vegas-bound purely for strippers? Lady Heather eagerly proposes a plan: they load all the Noopsies into limos, drive to L.A., have dinner on Sunset, and then head south to Manitopia or a place called "The Stud Farm." She reveals that she's done her research with the help of Todd in Accounting, who also told her about a place called "The Petting Zoo," which, she says, is "not exactly legal." Kirsten whines that she's not going to a place called The Petting Zoo because "you don't know where the pets have been." Lady Heather insists that they'll be too drunk to care, and Kirsten yelps, "No strippers!" When did it become all about Kirsten? As Kirsten leaves, Lady Heather begs, "Just one! Stripper! Please! Just one little stripper. Only one. Just tryin' to make his way in the world....naked." Her delivery is perfect -- very hopeful and saucy all at once. Kirsten finally concedes, and Lady Heather reminds her that she doesn't want "Chippendales." She also amends her earlier statement: "And not little." Lady Heather looks delighted, and delighted Lady Heather is a lot of fun.
At the Student Disunion, Summer is non-reacting to the news that Seth is going to a bachelor party. He attempts to elicit some emotion from her by proposing that "really anything could happen." When Summer snits that it's good to know, Seth explains that it's a courtesy thing for him to tell her his plans, since the last time he checked, they were still a couple, even though she's been ignoring him. We only see the top half of Summer's outfit in this scene, but she may or may not have borrowed The Nana's waitress uniform from Alice. It's pink with cuffed white sleeves and a white collar. Seth begs Summer to assure him that she won't let her father's opinion of him break them up; she considers this, and then sadly reminds Seth, "He's my dad." Seth yelps that he doesn't care about her dad! He cares about her! A lot! And if that's not good enough for her...his voice trails off as he concludes that it's obviously not good enough for her, so he's going to Vegas. He storms off, and she silences a cry of "Wait," then tucks a strand of errant wig hair behind her ear.
Back at Lady Heather's bachelorette bash, the strippers have concluded their show, and drunken Lady Heather stumbles over to commend Greasy Stripper #1 on his performance. He flirtatiously plays with her shirt and asks what she's doing after the party. She scoffs, "Uh, getting married." When he points out that she's not getting married tonight, Lady Heather briefly considers the offer, before scurrying off to collect her purse. She runs into Kirsten, and lies that she's leaving because the boys are due back early in the morning. She then turns to notice Hailey deep in conversation with Greasy Stripper #1, and snidely hopes she's not hitting on him. Kirsten explains that they're old friends and that, in fact, Hailey "set this whole thing up." Lady Heather's all, "She did?" and then marches over to the two, accusing Hailey of getting her stripper friend to proposition her so that she'd cheat, and Hailey could tell Caleb! Hailey scoffs that she knows Lady Heather would never sleep with Jeff, because he doesn't make enough money. So wait. Hailey didn't set up Lady Heather, after all? Lady Heather set herself up! Hailey continues to point out Lady Heather's history of marrying for money, and delivers the delicious "You see, Jeffrey here might be a stripper. But honey? You're a whore!" Lady Heather hauls off and slaps Hailey, after which Greasy Stripper #1 emits a hilarious "Ohhhh!" Slapping and shoving and cries of "bitch!" ensue. Greasy Stripper #1 takes an elbow to the face, and the two women (or woman and man-parading- as-a-woman) end up in the pool. Kirsten, by now, has given up on trying to break up the fight and returned her attention to the more important matter at hand: champagne. The camera loves the catfighting Lady Heather much more than it loves the catfighting Hailey, to the point where I wonder if it's even really Hailey in the pool.
Sandy strides into a fine restaurant, tossing a cavalier "Hey, how are ya?" to the host. He spots Caleb and busts up to the table, introducing himself as Caleb's son-in-law, and asking about the food. Caleb looks far more bothered than does Robert Campbell, who happily responds that the filet is excellent. Caleb tries to prevent it the conversation, but Sandy's all, "Don't mind if I do!" He takes a seat and continues his tirade that he's heard Mr. Campbell is interested in the Balboa coastline property, and that he could see why, since it's the perfect location. He reaches across the table and picks up Caleb's martini, asking-without-asking, "Do you mind?" He casually explains, "I'm parched." Sandy explains that he and partner recently tried to open a restaurant "not unlike this one, except we had two kinds of meatloaf" (hee), but that they couldn't get a liquor license, nor figure out why not. Caleb attempts to halt the conversation, but Sandy won't be put off, and grabs a green bean from Caleb's plate with his hands, waves it around, and eats it. Sandy adds that it turns out one of their partners went behind their backs, blocked the license, bought them out, and is now is peddling the property at a higher price to someone else. Caleb's had enough and asks Sandy to leave, but Sandy's just getting to the kicker: the joke is on Caleb! Because not only is he guilty of collusion and fraud, but the property will be tied up in civil litigation for months or years, the bottom line being that the property is worthless! Sandy wraps it up: "What do you think of that, Mr. Campbell?" Mr. Campbell pretty much thinks that the filet is excellent. And that the red-headed kid who got voted out last week on American Idol wasn't half bad. Caleb takes Sandy by the elbow to herd him away, but Sandy forcefully shrugs him off. Jimmy bounds into the restaurant, all, "Don't! Let me." He punches Caleb, who may not have gotten to eat his own meal, but gets a nice faceful of the person's meal at the table behind them. Jimmy rants about Caleb manipulating him and holding his daughter hostage as Sandy holds him back and mutters, "Easy, easy. What're you doin'? Beatin' me to the punch?" He hugs Jimmy out of the restaurant, telling Caleb he'll see him back in Newport, and punctuating it with a deliberately scathing "Dad."