Harbor School. Ryan walks with Seth, who wears a cute outfit of messenger bag, bright yellow shirt, blue athletic jacket, brown cords, and especially tousled hair; we join their conversation just as Seth points out that Ryan accused Oliver of faking a suicide attempt. Ryan corrects that he didn't actually accuse him; he just didn't believe him. Seth suggests that it's hard to believe such "blind compassion" didn't impress Marissa, and that Ryan should "go work for UNICEF." When Ryan points out that something about Oliver is "off," Seth agrees that since he either tried to kill himself or faked trying to kill himself, it's indeed "pretty off." Ryan can't figure out why he and Marissa are fighting about Oliver every day, and Seth -- who is not a girl but did spend several summers at camp being called such -- proposes that Ryan may be jealous because Oliver is rich, well-traveled, and a "Dapper Dan." Ryan asks, "And I'm not?" as if there's any question of the matter while he's wearing a leather wrist cuff. And why couldn't that thing have burned up in the model home? Seth adds that Oliver is clinically depressed and chemically dependent so "it all comes out in the wash, really," which seems to me like a less-than-admirable treatment by the writers of mental illness.
In any case, Seth suggests that Ryan make peace and "embrace the friend." He then enviously presents Ryan's other option, which is to "enjoy the arguing with Marissa -- sparks flying, her yin to your yang." When Ryan asks whether Seth and Anna don't argue, Seth explains, "We're all yang, Ryan." He asks what they'd fight about, since they both love all the same things and have the same interests. Ryan mockingly agrees that it's terrible, and Seth moans, "It's like we're sharing the same brain," addings, "Am I dating the female me? Like me, but as a girl?" Ryan stares at him and shakes his head before mustering up a dismayed response: "I don't...I don't kn -- I don't wanna -- that's disgusting." It's a very Ben delivery. And it works. Ryan spots Marissa across campus and rushes after her, yelling back toward Seth that he's off to "embrace the friend." Marissa is not particularly embraceable, though, unless you like an armful of ribcage.
Marissa slams her locker and snits down the hallway all pouty-faced for no apparent reason since she doesn't yet know that Ryan is around. He intercepts her and asks about Oliver; she asks whether he really wants to know, and then whines that Oliver feels bad: he can't understand how his overdose attempt caused a fight between Marissa and Ryan, and she doesn't get it, either. An apologetic Ryan volunteers that since Oliver is Marissa's friend, he's his friend, too, to which Mischa Barton attempts to express "surprise." Ryan hurriedly insists that he can't promise he won't "get weird about it again," but he'll try not to, which Marissa thinks is "great." Ryan backtracks that "great" is pushing it a little, but that it's definitely "good." She thanks him in her breathless "hey" voice, and bestows a kiss upon him, which is interrupted by the actor who has been kicking himself every single day of his life since Anthony Edwards nosed him out for the role of bald, bony-skulled, and eventual brain tumor-having physician. Phrased like that, it becomes obvious that Dr. Greene had more than his fair share of bad luck in the cranium department. Maybe he scalped a lot of heads or operated a guillotine or something in a life. Ryan wipes Marissa's cooties off his face, but the guidance counselor doesn't care about the cootie transfer. Instead, he introduces a new transfer student, who says they're all friends. And who could it be? Big Bird? Frank Perdue? Jennifer Lopez? Nope! All wrong! It's Oliver!
Tinkling!
Remember how I described Seth's outfit and its cuteness just paragraphs ago? Well, it's not nearly so cute on Anna, who is wearing it, too. Seriously? It's exactly the same outfit except her yellow t-shirt has the outline of a horse on it, while Seth's is covered up, but may actually bear the outline of some other barnyard animal. They exit a classroom, and some random extra holds the door open for them, to which Anna pertly responds, "Hm." Whatever happened to "thank you"? She clings to Seth's arm -- and why do all the girls on this show cling so much? -- and suggests options for after school: Jenga, comics, or quietly mocking people at South Coast Plaza. Seth shoots down all of these suggestions emphatically with a particularly equine head-shake and lip "brrrrr." He suggests that they do something different, like muscle-car racing or Israeli self-defense, which -- because it's good to enrich ourselves continually -- is called Krav Maga. Anna scolds him that they can just go to the Imax and see a movie on migrating birds, but Seth rebuts that they're "a little bit past that now," and instead should do something new, like take Luke's Sea-Doo out for a spin, because he's "looking to branch out to different water sports." And taking up water sports is certainly one way to spice up a relationship. Anna looks confused as Seth suggests that if she doesn't want to try something new, they can always just argue about it. But Anna agrees that it's important not to get "all boring," to which Seth adds that they shouldn't always do the same things or "dress the same or whatever." They both act like they're just noticing for the first time that they're wearing identical clothes, and he's all, "Dammit," and she's all, "Ow." Ann perkily concludes, "You take Israeli self-defense; I'll take muscle cars." They high-five on it.
Ryan and Marissa emerge from a classroom, trailed by Oliver. Seth asks if he's visiting now, and Ryan responds, "Actually, Oliver goes here now." Ben McKenzie's delivery on that line, by the way, is perfect. Oliver chimes in to say that it's not too late for a new start, and then asks why Marissa didn't tell anyone. Marissa whines that she didn't think he really meant it. And exactly how stupid is she, anyway? This is, by the way, is the first of about nine thousand times I ask myself that question during this episode. Both of Marissa and of whoever cast the role. Oliver happily announces that he has more friends at Harbor than at his last school, anyway, which is something I'd probably keep to myself, but that's just me. Anna interrupts the conversation to head off to "wash up" because it's "tuna melt Monday"; she squeals over her and Seth's shared love of tuna melts, causing Seth to mutter that he was looking forward to "sampling some of the other items on the menu." When Marissa announces that she's going to take Oliver to the bookstore, since they both have a free period, Oliver asks what the odds are that he and Marissa have the exact same schedule. Ryan's all, "Crazy," in a totally unamused way. He stares at Oliver's departing back as Seth whines over having to give up tuna melts; what's ? Ryan asks if Seth even noticed that Oliver goes to Harbor now, and Seth responds, "Yeah, I was trying to take one more shot at talking about myself, but I did notice." Ryan begins another anti-Oliver rant, but Seth cuts him off with the whole "embrace the friend," thing again, and I get the feeling that whoever wrote that thought it was much funnier than it actually is. In any case, Seth suggests that there must be a rational explanation for Oliver's sudden appearance, and then trudges off toward Anna, who is beckoning to him from down the hall.
“ The Techno Music of Bad Chino Impulses plays as Ryan aggressively bikes up the path toward the school. Yay! It's Ryan's Chino bike! And his Chino hair, too! ”
The Techno Music of Bad Chino Impulses plays as Ryan aggressively bikes up the path toward the school. Yay! It's Ryan's Chino bike! And his Chino hair, too! He is interrupted by a pug-like security guard, to whom he lies that he forgot a book; he shows his ID and gains admission to the school. We get a long shot of the security guard closing the door shut behind Ryan, and then hovering for a molment. Inside, Ryan approaches the file room and looks slightly disappointed when he finds the door unlocked. He enters and closes the door behind him, pulling from his pocket a mini-flashlight and holding it all sideways, COPS-style. He beelines for the file drawer and locates Oliver's almost immediately, which contains a letter stamped confidential and a terrible mug shot of Oliver. As he gets into it, his tiny beam of light is joined by a larger flood. It's the security guard! Yip!
We return from the commercial to daylight in the Dean's Den with Sandy, Kirsten, Ryan, and Dean Kim, who snits over the seriousness of Ryan's offense. When Kirsten interrupts to insist that Ryan will indeed be punished, Dean Kim says it won't end there: the matter will be presented to the disciplinary committee, and suspension and expulsion are both possible. Sandy lawyers that he understands, but begs Dean Kim to understand that such behavior is not characteristic of Ryan. Dean Kim grudgingly agrees, disclosing that Ryan and Harbor seem like a "remarkably good fit," so she doesn't know why he jeopardized that by breaking into the school? Ryan yelps that he doesn't trust Oliver. He's suspicious! Oliver's all of a sudden going to Harbor! Dean Kim assures Ryan that Oliver went through the same screening process as everyone else, which doesn't make much sense if we assume his parents are MIA. Would the school admit a troubled student without meeting the parentals? When Ryan adds that he was concerned about Marissa given Oliver's "history of instability," Dean Kim asks if Oliver made any threats toward her to warrant Ryan's suspicions; Ryan sullenly responds, "No, but he's been spending a lot of time with her!" and the adults all exchange uncomfortable looks as they conclude that Ryan acted more out of misguided jealousy than concern.
Ryan reveals that the letter he read said they "found [Oliver] in the men's bathroom at Pacific having cut his wrists...over a girl." I don't know why, but after the "found him in the men's bathroom" part, my mind instantly went to George Michael. Which would have been infinitely more interesting than this particular storyline. Ryan further reveals that the girl filed a restraining order against Oliver, which is why he left the school. Dean Kim points out that the letter was confidential, but Kirsten interjects to ask if what Ryan is reporting is true. Dean Kim admits that it happened two years ago, and that Oliver has since been institutionalized; furthermore, everyone involved in "Mr. Trask's rehabilitation" believed that his best chance was a change in environment. I'll bet everyone involved would also be very interested to know about his recent coke-buying bust, but I guess that wouldn't help the no one-believes-Ryan plotline along. Sandy asks why the school would be receptive to Oliver in light of his history, and Dean Kim pointedly explains that Harbor is known to make exceptions for troubled students with extraordinary promise. Ryan says that he's sorry, and so do Kirsten and Sandy. Dean Kim hands down daily detention until the committee reaches a verdict.
“ She points in the direction of a black marble fountain with a frog in its center. At least, I think it's a frog. A frog clutching its own secondary genitalia. ”
Meanwhile, at the Newport Group, Lady Heather orders around employees with her plans for the model home, which include "seagrass mats," hydrangeas only, and someone with the unfortunate last name of "Von Tuff." She exposits that the event is in seventy-two hours, and says she wants a progress report by the end of the day! Kirsten enters and looks around in dismay, as Lady Heather apologizes for taking over her office; she "needed a base camp for Operation Model Home." Kirsten suggests that it's a disaster, and Lady Heather rebuts, "Kirsten, if you stopped open-heart surgery halfway through, it would look like murder." Hee. Kirsten argues that Lady Heather has only three days, and asks why Lady Heather didn't use Kirsten's usual list of vendors. Lady Heather scoffs at the word "usual," insisting that she wants to instead do something "special" and "inspired." She points in the direction of a black marble fountain with a frog in its center. At least, I think it's a frog. A frog clutching its own secondary genitalia. Kirsten worries that Lady Heather will never finish on time, and Lady Heather commends Kirsten's positive attitude, sarcastically thanking her for "putting that out in the universe." Kirsten insists that all Lady Heather needs is a few accents rugs, a couch, and a potted plant, because they're selling a space. Lady Heather cuts her off to say that she's selling a lifestyle, and that the Newport Group should be an "aspirational brand." When Kirsten asks whether that's even a word, Lady Heather ignores her to say that although it seems ambitious and expensive, you've got to spend money to make money! If that's true, though, Lady Heather and Jimmy would never have run out.
Ryan's patience is also being tried at Harbor School; he descends a staircase to see Marissa and Oliver deep in discussion. Marissa's back is pressed up against her locker and Oliver talks all up in her face. Oliver then pulls and envelope from his pocket and hands it to her. Ryan watches closely as Marissa puts the letter in her locker, pulling it shut. Ryan looks left, then right, then left, then right, then left, then right, then left, then right, then left, then right, then left, then right, then left, then right, then left, then right, then left, then right, then left, then right, then left again. He stares at the locker.
Cut to The Big House, and at first I thought this was a flashback, but now I realize it's just been one very long day. Sandy yells that if the school board votes to expel Ryan, the Cohens will be powerless to help, and he'll have thrown away a good opportunity! Sandy asks if Ryan's jealous of Oliver, and Ryan insists that he's not, but no one believes him! Kirsten is wearing a very pretty pink blazer. On Lady Heather it would look tacky and age-inappropriate, but on Kirsten it looks lovely. Sandy points out that the first time Sandy met him, Oliver was in jail, and Ryan said Oliver had a medical history. Sandy angrily continues, "You're right! Okay! He's trouble! Now you're the one who might be expelled." Peter Gallagher does "passionate but loving father figure" very well; he makes me feel guilty just sitting here at home. Kirsten asks why Ryan didn't come to them, and he grumbles that he wanted to take care of it himself. Sandy snidely congratulates him on a job well done, and Kirsten asks if he knows how hard they -- he -- worked to get into that school. Sandy says that Ryan can't help Marissa, because he can't even help himself. Ryan yelps, "Okay! I screwed up...yet again!" He asks if they'll kick him out now, and Sandy responds that if he thinks he can mess up so bad they'll just give up on him (aw), he's wrong (aw): he's part of the family (aw) now, and he'll feel its full weight (aw). Ryan's going to wish they threw him out! Sandy leaves, and Ryan turns baleful eyes to Kirsten, who trails after Sandy without looking at Ryan.
“ Sandy points out that Jimmy was just 'one click away from manning the mechanical bull at the new cowboy bar.' Newport's getting a cowboy bar? Please keep the gang out of that one. Seth and Anna in matching hats and spurs will put me over the edge. ”
Jimmy's Non-Beautiful Blue Bachelor Pad. Manic doorbell ringing. Jimmy dashes down the steps, and he's very Clark Kent with all the red and the blue. It's Sandy, and Jimmy thought he was in court. Sandy explains that he's almost never in court anymore, and then commands Jimmy to "order up some martinis and meatloaf," because they've got themselves a restaurant! Jimmy agitatedly asks what Sandy did, and Sandy explains that he made a down payment on The Lighthouse, and tomorrow they'll sign the title. Jimmy worries that he hasn't yet been able to come up with his share of the money, and Sandy reveals that he covered it, and that they'll work out the details when the business is afloat. Jimmy snits, "So what? I work for you now?" He didn't seem to mind the prospect of being Sandy's file clerk last week, though; Sandy points out that Jimmy was just "one click away from manning the mechanical bull at the new cowboy bar." Newport's getting a cowboy bar? Please, please, please keep the gang out of that one. Seth and Anna in matching hats and spurs will put me over the edge, although I'm sure not just a few of the viewing audience wouldn't mind seeing Summer wield a lasso again. When Jimmy insists that Sandy has already done enough for him, Sandy rebuts that it's not just for Jimmy; The Lighthouse represents freedom for both of them! Not only can Sandy get a break from his "rich spoiled clients" and office politics, but they can work for themselves! When Jimmy moans that it's happening too fast, Sandy snits that he's got a great idea: "Let's wait 'til we're dead!" He storm off to settle another case.
At the Harbor School, Ryan's back in stealth mode, approaching Marissa's locker to return the letter. As he looks around furtively, the camera pans back to reveal that Oliver is propped up against the locker. He weasels that it's cool that Ryan knows Marissa's combination because she must really trust him. When Ryan explains that it's for emergencies, Oliver grills him as to what the problem is. Did Ryan run out of erasers? Has he no ink in his pen? Ryan defensively mumbles that he forgot a book, and Oliver claims he was just kidding around. Luke interrupts their conversation, complaining that the last class of the day is always tough to get through. He looks Oliver over appraisingly, and then extends a cautious hand. Oliver announces that he and Marissa were thinking of putting together a camping trip, and Luke thinks it sounds like a good idea. When Ryan also unenthusiastically agrees, Oliver says he'll let Marissa know. As Oliver dandies off, Luke tells Ryan, "Yeah. I do not like that kid at all." Hee. As Ryan starts to complain, Luke cuts him off to say that Oliver's after Marissa, and that Ryan needs to tell Oliver to back off. Luke offers to do it for Ryan, which Ryan says he'll keep in mind. Luke leaves, but not before telling Ryan to give him the word to "drop The Great Gatsby" on Oliver. But that's a pretty small book -- only about two hundred pages or so. He'd inflict much more damage with War and Peace.