Warning: Bad language. No nudity. You got to see Baldwin's ass last week, so deal.
Here goes the longest "Previously on NYPD Blue" yet: Di tells Kirky the job is watching her prick loser ex-husband Don, Kirky goes and tells Don he's a conspiracy collar anytime they want him, Don gets arrested and Fancy tells him not to blab about Kirky to anyone ever or else, Di tells Denby Jill had nothing to do with Don's dealings, Di asks Kirky if she could have had anything to do with Don's dealings and Kirky says maybe ("I could have dropped off pastries his mom made for parties."), Kirky helps Don get away, Don STEALS BOBBY'S RING, Denby finds a body in a dumpster with Bobby's ring and Di gets it back, Di asks Kirky if "there would be any point in knowing the details" if something bad happened to Don, Kirky cries, Denby asks Di to drink with him and then for kisses, which she gives him. Eww.
Some feedback-y guitar that sounds just like Sonic Youth's 100% turns into those stoopid keyboards and we arrive at the station house. John is getting biz-zay with some whiteout. Work it, John! A big old burly man with a mustache comes in. He looks just like Lachs Walensa, so we'll call him Wally. By way of introduction he gives John his card and introduces himself. He does body work on cars. John perks up. Ooh, butch. Ricky gets up and is like, do you need to talk to a detective? Nah, John will do. Kidding. Wally lumbers over to Ricky and Sip's desk area and starts his sad story: "A guy I love with is doing armed robberies. My wife got involved with a good Samaritan-type prison rehab program -- she had me put him to work in one of my shops - and she had him move in. I smell funny smells when they hang out in the living room late at night..." Ricky interjects, "Like burning Styrofoam?" Wally says yeah. "Is that some kind of drug?" Ricky says some people say crack smells like burning Styrofoam. I'm glad I don't know that first-hand...it's disgusting. Wally gets all maudlin as he proceeds to the self-pity part of his visit. "I was an athlete in high school...a very active bowler..." Oh, boo hoo! Sip rolls his eyes at the speed of light. I have to learn how to do that. "...now I'm so depressed." Ricky asks about the stick-ups. How did Wally know? "Every so often he ("he" being felon Joey Fica) waves around some cash. I started writing down dates." Ricky says they'll check the dates against unsolved robberies. Sip asks (kind of rudely) how long this has been going on. This is a real issue for Sip: He demands immediacy. You know something, you act. Or that's what he wants. Wally says four and a half months. Sip says, "Four and a half months," so sneeringly I think Wally will cry. Ricky says they'll check, again. Wally gets up and says falteringly, "I'll tell you, low as I've been feeling lately, I wouldn't be surprised if I was a little slow on the uptake." Wouldn't you now! Neither would anyone else, Wally. He leaves and Sip waits until he's gone to yell, "Hey, don't be to hard on yourself. Your wife's smoking crack with a convicted felon in your guest room; there's gotta be a million good reasons for THAT." (Insert rimshot here followed by the sound of weak clapping)
Woosh! Bloosh! Subway! Credits!
Di's cooling her heels in a coffeeshop. The waitress gushes her thanks because Di helped recover the money on some bad checks they were written. Wow, coffeeshops accept personal checks? In gritty, gritty New York City? Cool. As Di waits she sees Denby across the street. She goes, "Eww," then stares. Who's that guy with him? Denby sees her and gets a very faint "oh, shit" look on his face as he hops in a cab. The waitress comes over to give Di a cake box and a hug and Di cranes her neck to look at the guy...cheap sunglasses...bad bleach blond dye job...stupid wrinkly jacket...then Di gets that look: oh, shit! Is that DON? A bus zooms by and when it passes, Maybe-Don is gone. Nice trick. Maybe Maybe-Don is a stupid magician. I hate Don.
Ricky's doing the hunt-and-peck on the first computer I've ever seen in the station house. Sip leans over his shoulder. "So, where's all the porn at? Just type in 'P-O-R-N.' C'mon, let's get porn! What else do you do with computers, a.k.a. porn machines!" Kidding. Ricky's putting the dates Wally gave him into the magical machine called a com-pu-tor and seeing what comes up. Sip's ranting about what a "doofus" Wally is. Um, takes one to know one, ya nerd. Kidding. Whoops! The system just went down. Boy, that can be frustrating. Technical difficulties suck, yes? We at Mighty Big TV know that very well. Di comes in just as Fancy leans over Ricky's shoulder to read the error message: "You are locked out." But we can still get porn, right? Kidding. Sip sneers at the computer, "So dra-MA-tic." Um, pot, kettle? You two know each other, right? Di says to Sip, "Got a minute?" Since there's no porn to be had, Sip excuses himself and leaves the computer to Ricky.
In the coffee room, Di tells Sip she knows she saw Denby and she thinks she saw Don. Denby said he was dead, and she got Bobby's ring back, but she thinks she saw Don. Sip suggests reaching out to Denby, but Di says she'll wait for him to reach out to her. Oh, and don't tell Kirky.
Sip comes out and Ricky just looks at him. Are you talking about me? Sip ahems and says it was something to do with Bobby, about one of his possessions. Di comes out with coffee for all of them. "Wanna go check on those gas stations?" Ricky says yeah. They all sip their coffee in mismatched mugs. One-two-three: Sluuurp.
Keyboards, stationhouse. An old geezer comes in. Man, he's old. He yells at John, "I got a question on my mind about whether I'm being bilked!" Di and Kirky lead him towards their desks as he continues to explain: he's paid $18,000 this week to the men repairing his house. Jesus! He's alone, his son moved away. "I'm worried I'm being a dope." Kirky says, "Everyone's a dope sometimes." Oh boy, are those words ever coming back to haunt you later on.