Warning: This episode of Blue contains NO NUDITY. Use your imagination.
Previously, Fancy asked Baldwin's old boss why he didn't get a call about Baldwin's transfer, and the old boss said, "It was on my to-do list"; Katie rambled on about how a "crackhead porn fan" taught her a lesson about God and how Sip should take the same lesson and apply it to Theo. Sip looked very owl-y at this baloney.
The funky keyboards bring us through a beautiful day in New York and finally to the station house. An old-school-looking cop guy is pacing back and forth waiting for Sip. Ricky's like, "Cruller, Eddie? I just put 'em out. Coffee?" The guy says no, he'll "go through the roof." Sip comes in. "Andy! Thank goodness! How ya been? I need to speak with you." John comes in with a beret on, a polka-dotted scarf and a similarly dotted vest. Sip gives him a double-take and goes off to talk to the old-school guy. In wonder, Ricky watches John toss his beret onto the coat hook. What style John's got!
In the coffee room, Sip and Eddie face off tensely, like a reunion between Eddie Haskell and the Beav. Eddie whips out his wallet and says, "The whole things on me," and puts a $100 bill on the table between them. Sip says that $100 isn't enough for a murder. Eddie says if there's anyone he wants murdered it's the bum who gave him eight hours notice to find a new date for his "sweetheart of a thirty-eight-year-old plain-looking niece." Sip looks terrified and backs against the wall. Eddie adds that Mia, the niece, has multiple sclerosis. "Oh great, toss in a fatal disease," snipes Sip. "My answer is no." Eddie, no fool, asks, "When can I hope for an alternative." Andy looks weak and says, "I need to seek counsel. And a sitter. GO AWAY. I'll call in a couple of hours." Eddie looks happy and hopeful and reaches out his arms to say, "I'LL be your sitter." Sip glowers.
Out in the office, Fancy notifies Ricky of a homicide in an apartment building. "Looks gang-related." As Sip and Eddie emerge from the coffee room, Eddie hollers, "This guy is one of the greats! Take care!" Ricky and Sip exit, heading to check out the homicide, with Sip giving John a double take. Nice beret, he's thinking. Not.
Woosh! Bloosh! Theme song! Credits!
In the apartment building with the homicide, the building manager is describing the horrible smell that led him to investigate, sort of: "I got one whiff and did a one-eighty. My paycheck don't include crime-fighting services." The DOA's name is Ricky Garrero and his "steady company" is Mimi. Sip tells him to "breathe through his mouth." Di and Kirky go to canvass the neighborhood and the rest go back in to check out the body. It's bloated, with flies buzzing all around. Ricky says "Whoa," and Greg runs to barf. There's graffiti on the wall -- a pentagram and some writing: "PRs Out." Sip checks it out and says, "Okay we got a nine inside a Jewish star..." Baldwin says, "Nine-Trade Gangster. And I don't think that's a Jewish star." Sip shoots him a look and Ricky ahems and says, "Six points." Sip just says, "So we can eliminate the Israelis. Does this look like a gang hit?" Baldwin says no, and Sip says they're going to have to alert the Bureau anyway. Medavoy comes back with cotton stuffed up his nose, and Ricky tells him not to "visualize licking a dirty ashtray or chugging a gallon of cooking oil." Sip says if Greg barfs on the DOA, Greg's cleaning it up, and Greg barely makes it out of the room before hurling. Medavoy can do some fine fake barfing, for sure. Ricky totally cracks up and Baldwin says, "Tough crowd."
Back at the office, Fancy is getting the details from Ricky, Sip and Baldwin. Ricky the Corpse has been dead three or four days -- lovely, no? Di, Kirky and Greg are still canvassing. Fancy looks at Baldwin and asks, "Why are you here?" Baldwin mentions the gang tag, and how they'll have to call his old boss over at the Bias Unit. BUT, Baldwin doesn't think it was a gang hit. "It could have been a kid trying to get a rep -- or a misdirect." Anyway, they're going to call Mimi, the hooker girlfriend of the DOA, and check her out.
Out in the office, Sip makes some noise about calling Baldwin's old boss. Baldwin says he was "trying to steer the boss away from the hate-crime angle." Sip goes into a long rant about how you have to let the boss steer the boat, and how he brings along luggage, and you have to let him paddle, and how he unpacks the luggage on the boat ride for you to see. Baldwin shakes his head to clear it and splits. Ricky makes a crack about how he didn't know Sip knew so much about the sea -- yeah, I had him pegged all wrong too, but salty cop and salty man o' the sea are just two sides of the same coin, aren't they? Sip says many Sipowiczes were seafarers. Old salts, maybe. Then Sip asks Ricky for a moment.
Locker room: This is as close to a teen WB moment as we're ever gonna get on this show, so enjoy it. Sip is all hemming and hawing. Should he go on the date with the disfigured niece? Ricky's all like, is she DISFIGURED? Well, she came all the way from Philadelphia and...hey! I'M from Philadelphia! We are NOT a lot of disfigured old maid niece-types, OKAY, writers! You are SO in trouble. Ricky's like, "Is she disfigured or not?" And Sip is like, "Well, I'm no Tyrone Power." Ricky, born in the nineteen-sixties, looks blank. "I'm no William Holden." No bells ring for Ricky. Last try! How about an old-school A-list actor: Most people have heard of Clark Gable. Ever heard of Harrison Ford? Clint Eastwood? Robert Redford? Paul Newman? Well, you're not them either! Sip, SO out of the pop-culture loop, says, "I'm no Randolph Scott?" Ricky has NO IDEA who that is, and why should he? Ricky's a young cop, not an old movie buff! Ricky goes and sits by Sip and asks, "Does it feel all right to you?" Sip shuts down faster than an illegal street game of three-card monte and says, "Don't start that touchy-feely crap with me." Okay, mister not-an-old-movie-star. Ricky pats Sip and says it's okay. Sip thanks Ricky for his help. What help?
Fancy is squaring off with Baldwin's old boss, the Lieutenant. The Lieutenant goes into recalling the horrible details of that man who was dragged to death behind a truck by racists, and compares that to this alleged "hate crime" in the apartment, scoffing his face off. Fancy looks displeased at the scoffing. The Lt. Continues, "Nine-Trade doesn't advertise...this is an OBVIOUS misdirect. You have NO respect for my time. Why did young Jones have to be present?" We see Baldwin pacing outside, looking nervous. The Lt. storms out to yell at poor Baldwin; "Eighteen months in my unit and you can't spot a misdirect? You sure know how to hide, son." Fancy hands the Lt. his coat and points to the coffee room door. They both storm in, leaving Baldwin whimpering in the office. Every other Blue cop puts his or her head down and starts working ten times faster than before. Baldwin asks, "Should I go in there?" To see your bosses yelling at each other? NO.
Sip and Ricky come in with a hooker lady who says she is NOT Mimi. John says, "Not the coffee room." Di says there's a "frank discussion" being held in there. Sip and Ricky drag Not-Mimi off to the pokey.
In the coffee room, Fancy and the Lt. are pacing back and forth like a couple of tigers, staring at each other real hard, like a couple of...tigers. The Lt. starts, "Don't you EVER hand me my overcoat." That sounds silly. It's not like Fancy threw your overcoat on the ground and peed on it and THEN handed it to him. Fancy says, "There was hate graffiti at a homicide. What is your problem?" The Lt. says, "Did it ever occur to you that I wanted to look out for Jones...maybe he wasn't ready to look at the world through my window." What window is that, the off-track betting window? Or some pain-filled window? Be more specific. "Maybe you've been looking out of that window too long," says Fancy. Hey Fancy, what window is that? You get the metaphor, explain it to me? The Lt. goes, "There's that patronizing attitude...copy me on all the paperwork." The Lt. leaves. Fancy? Patronizing? I am so confused.
Ricky's in the pokey with Not-Mimi. "Laura Krebs," says Not-Mimi, "don't you have records?" Sip says, "Maybe you're Florence Henderson." If that were so, says Not-Mimi, "I would have known that guy I was married to on The Brady Bunch was a fruit." Well, maybe Florence Henderson DID know and she's just such a good ACTRESS that she fooled YOU, Not-Mimi! Do not mock Florence Henderson. She's got Wessonality. Anyway, Not-Mimi wants $1,000 to talk. Right! Sip's like, "You want $1,000 to tell us where a hooker walks." Not-Mimi is like, "DO you know?" Ricky offers her $50 and she takes it. Sip calls her a speed freak, "or at least, one of those voluntary pukers." Not-Mimi says she is "naturally thin," pronouncing each syllable in "naturally" like a weirdo. Then she offers to take them to Mimi, adding, "You can drop me off. And if Mimi's kid had anything to do with is, that asshole Ricky provoked him." Not-Mimi adds that Isaiah, Mimi's kid, is "sweet enough to eat." Maybe that's how she stays so thin, by eating children? Never mind.
Baldwin wants to go talk to Fancy. Medavoy singsongs to him, "When the boss wants you to know something, you'll kno-ow." Baldwin singsongs back that he's going in there anyway. Medavoy singsongs, "You wouldn't be the first person in the history, to ignore my advi-iiice." Medavoy is a freeeak-a-zoid!
In Baldwin goes to Fancy's office. He's "all turned around" about his old boss getting mad. Fancy says, "I'd have been derelict not calling him in." Baldwin asks, "So you weren't trying to pick a fight?" Hoo boy. Fancy remains straight-faced and says, "I wasn't looking for hell to break loose...how different is his behavior today than over the last few months?" Baldwin admits the Lt. seemed "a little high-strung." Fancy says, "So that level of agitation was uncharacteristic. I though so." Baldwin asks id Fancy is concerned for the Lt. and Fancy looks at him like, oh you kid. G'wan, scram, you bother me.
A snaky bassline takes us through the gritty, gritty streets until we land back at the station house. Ricky is hauling Mimi up the stairs. She has no idea what's going on. Ricky asks, "Is that real snakeskin?" Yeah, Mimi's a FASHION whore. "What are you, cops or spies?" Ricky says Agent 99 wants to talk to them. Oh sure, Ricky knows Get Smart but not William Holden. Whatever.
Sip uses John's phone to confirm his date for the evening. Dinner, no movie, Italian food. Cirici's at 8 PM. "Tell her how to recognize me," and after he hangs up he adds, "I'll be the guy in the restaurant looking completely miserable." Boo hoo! Sip's such a wounded bird! Then he sees John, waiting to step closer to his desk. "Got time for a trim," Sip asks gruffly, "or don't you think I need one?" John brightens and says, "Never any harm in a buff-up." Wow, is John actually going to buff Sip's head? Cool!
Mimi's in the pokey with Ricky, blaming Not-Mimi for ratting her out. Sip comes back and the grilling begins. "Ricky Guarrero." Mimi says she never wants to hear that name again and that she hasn't seen Ricky for "weeks...months." Sip drops the bomb that Ricky's dead. Mimi feels bad for busting on a dead person just moments before and crosses herself. Ricky waves his hands like he's doing a magic trick and says, "Mimi, awake!" Sip adds, "That's to get you out of your dopey trance if you think we're looking at anyone but you for this homicide. In a second Mimi gives up her son, the sweet-enough-to-eat Isaiah: "They used to fight about electronics." Sip asks, "Like who invented the light bulb?" No, like over Nintendo. Sounds real mature. Mimi wants to get back to work hooking (but doesn't want Isaiah to know she gave him up) and Sip and Ricky have nothing but scorn for her. Me three.
So, Baldwin's got Isaiah in an interview room. Greg, Ricky and Sip are in there with him, and Fancy and the Lt. are watching from behind the special cop-mirror. Baldwin gets Isaiah to confess by being very gentle and understanding. Ricky used to call Isaiah a "jackass" and made him feel unwanted and unloved, and also used to sell his TV and Nintendo for drugs. After Isaiah shot Ricky, he said, "Call me a jackass now!" But he didn't because he was dead. The Lt., from behind the glass, says, "Real nice interview." Fancy says, "He learned that from watching you." They go out into the hall.
The Lt. says, "I appreciate this, Arthur. This was a generous gesture. I bet Jones was the first adult African-American male that made him feel like anyone gave a damn. And he was doing it to get a confession. So many lost. So many lost." The Lt. wipes away a tear and Fancy just stares at him. Definitely time for a new window. The Lt. gets ready to go and says, "Tell Jones, 'nice work.'" Fancy asks, "You want to tell him?" And have him see me cry? No way. The Lt. leaves.
John's giving Sip a haircut. Sip asks rhetorically, "Ever get trapped into doing favors for friends?" John, hip to the irony, rolls his eyes in agreement. Sip goes, "Aaanywaaaays," and John still doesn't say anything. "You know I don't need to carry the conversational ball on every plane." John says, "We're done," and takes off the haircut bib. "Do you think I'm making a mistake?" asks Sip. John, way too nice for his own good, says, "I think she'd be glad."
Night falls, and Baldwin is shirtless, getting ready for his run. Woo hoo! Greg comes in and says he say Baldwin's old boss listening to the interview, and that he said Baldwin did a good job. "Wanna walk out with me? People will think I'm your trainer." Baldwin says no, and goes to Fancy's office.
Fancy waves Baldwin in. "Your old boss was proud of you. Sit down." Baldwin does, stone-faced. "If I were to call the Early Intervention office on someone I worked with, I'd have to be careful. They take your gun away, and there'd be a shadow over the rest of your career. Yes, you'd better know what you were doing if you were to do that." Baldwin just sits there like a lump. 'Night! Have a good one! Your old boss is nuts and his days are numbered!
Nighttime at Sip's house, and Theo's getting a bath! Yay, the return of Theo! "I gotta take care of my ducks," the cute one says. Sip comes in, all gussied up for his date, and asks, "Is Aunt Katie taking good care of you?" Theo says, "She picked my nose with a washcloth." Katie says she found potatoes in there. Ewww...growing? That would be one dirty nose. Sip totally lies to Katie about where he's going, so that she thinks it's for a retirement dinner. Theo says, "I got four ducks." Sip says he promises he'll be home early and Theo says, "Daddy promises." Sip kisses Theo's head, like we all wish we could, and Katie, who knows she was lied to, rubs Theo's just-kissed head.
Knives and forks are clinking away as Sip waits in the restaurant for the disfigured, plain niece to walk in. She does and...not bad! She's CUTE, even! Sip stands up and says "How do you do" twice. Her name is Cynthia, by the way. She's sorry she was late, the cab driver couldn't find the place. "How many tongues did you go through trying to explain it to him?" Cynthia looks slightly grossed-out at this racist remark. Sip says the calamari is good here. Cynthia thanks him for filling in with such short notice. Sip cracks that cops have a set of thumbscrews just for this occasion. Cynthia can't BELIEVE Sip just said that. When the Maitre d' comes over to light the candle on their table, Sip shakes his head "no" vigorously and then puts it out. Then he mentions the calamari AGAIN. Cynthia closes her menu and says she can just go book shopping and Sip can do whatever he wants and they can both tell her uncle they had a good time. She's not hungry anyway. Sip says not to take the way he acts personally, and that you should eat when you're not hungry. "That way you don't overfill." The waiter comes over and Cynthia, with a twinkle in her eye, asks about the calamari. Cynthia sure is nice...too nice.
Later, Sip comes home. Katie's reading. Theo went to sleep by 8:30. Katie is bummed and it shows. "My feelings are hurt...you lied to me." Sip apologizes and tells Katie about the blind date. Katie accepts his apology and says, "I wish you dated me." Then she cries and Sip, looking shocked and blinking like a blinking machine, hugs her to him.