Warning: This program contains adult language. But no nudity? Shit! Dammit!
Previously on Blue, Ricky had a nightmare about his sisters; Sip got advice about going out on a date; Ricky told Di that he wants to be with someone but doesn't want to hurt anyone (vague much?) and then he and Di KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!
Some hallelujah voices segue into pounding drums, which lead us around street scenes, which finally land us at Ricky's apartment. He's having another nightmare. Mary is awake, silently lying to him. Ricky jerks awake and heads into the bathroom, sweaty and shaken. He turns on the water in the sink, sinking to his knees in front of it. He starts to whisper, "Please take this off me. I don't know what else to do...please, help me be normal." We see Mary out of bed now, standing outside the bathroom door and listening. Ricky shuts off the water and tries to compose himself. When he comes out of the bathroom, Mary is back in bed, eyes open. Ricky, sounding inches away from a breakdown, says, "Hi, Mary. Stay asleep, it's only twenty to five." He starts to get dressed and Mary asks, "Where are you going?" Ricky says, "I'm going for a walk. Stay asleep. Have a good day." Mary says, "Okay...you too." Then Ricky leaves and Mary cries noiselessly. Mary, give up now.
Woosh! Bloosh! The subway rushing at us symbolizes all our fears! The drums signify the pounding of our collective heart! The theme song and the credits are the theme song and the credits!
After the establishing shots of the gritty, gritty city, we arrive at an empty warehouse. Sip, solo, strides in and gets the exposition from a uniformed cop: A workman uncovered a skeleton stuffed behind a wall. The workman also went and bought a disposable camera so he could sell the gory photos to the tabloids. Charming. Sip powerfully moves over to where the remains lay. Another uniform starts providing some analysis for us: "Looks like she was what, eight years old?" The skeleton has a flowered dress on, and Sip notes a pin in her leg. The uniform continues blabbing: "How many decades ago did they start using pins in bones?" Sip has no patience for this and snaps, "Why?" The uniform, all pleased with himself, says, "'Cause that would provide the time frame for the murder!" Sip says, "Go back over there by the skeleton," and the humbled uniform obeys. The workman starts protesting, "I think I should be allowed to take a picture. If I hadn't found the thing no one would know about it. C'mon, I went and bought a camera! What about freedom of the press?" Sip, looking way disgusted, yells "Freedom of the press? SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!" YEAH! What paper do you work for, Excavated Walls Weekly? You are NOT "the press," buddy! Exploit the dead much? Sip charges out of there looking sick.
We get a nicely shot, gritty montage scene of Di, Kirky, Greg and Baldwin canvassing some desolate area. Baldwin and Greg are standing over a DOA, name of Blair Reynolds, who had crack on him and a huge bullet hole in his chest, which we at home get to see because the producers of NYPD Blue know we need to see people with graphic, bloody wounds. Why? Because we love grit! Di comes over with the news that a DOG was also shot! "He took [a bullet] right in the snout." Just for the record, I LOVE DOGS! Greg sees the wounded doggie and says, "Oh, boy. He's a long-hair." Hey, watch the prejudice there, buddy. The dog is lying there whimpering as its owner, a fussy older lady, fusses over it. Di starts with, "Sorry about your dog. Did you see the shooter?" The lady only has eyes for her poor hurt doggie and only saw the shooter from the back as he fled. She thinks he was white. And, she only heard one shot. The Blue cops use their heads and determine that the bullet must have gone right through the DOA and landed in the dog's sniffer. The lady says, "I wanna take Jerry to a vet!" Just then a voice comes over the radio that says they caught a man fleeing on foot with a gun in a fanny pack. If I had a fanny pack on, you can bet I'd be moving as quickly as possible too. Who wants to be seen with a fanny pack on? Kirky, on the ball, says, "That could be our guy." No flies on you, Kirky. Di, friend to animals, says, "We'll arrange for transportation of your dog." The ambulance guy is like, not in my ambulance you're not! Greg gets impatient and offers up Di's car to transport the dog to a vet. The EMS guy gathers up the cute, cute doggie in his arms and the dog looks FINE. Can I just say how fucked-up it is that movies and television can show PEOPLE, HUMAN BEINGS in all sorts of shot, maimed and dead states, but a DOG can't even have a little fake blood on him? Remember in Spike Lee's Summer of Sam how Berkowitz supposedly shot the talking dog that told him to commit the murders? After seeing many graphic, up-close murders of PEOPLE, for the dog killing we hear a gunshot, BANG!, and then a yipe yipe yipe. THEN, at the end of the movie, we see the dog ALIVE again. I'm not saying I want to see dogs hurt or killed in movies or TV -- quite the opposite, I think dogs should be on TV more often. I just feel it's fucking backwards for us to be continually shown graphic human-on-human violence but a dog actor can't get in a little dog makeup when he's supposedly taken a bullet in the snout! I mean, what are they paying dog actors for? No one on this show is paid just to look CUTE. Oh wait, I forgot...Baldwin. Anyways, after Greg offers Di's car, he asks the EMS guy to administer a little Benadryl because he has a life-long allergy to long-haired breeds. Somewhere, a tiny violin plays. No, that was just me rubbing my two fingers together.
Back at the Precinct, Greg is in the pokey with the Fanny-Packer. Under arrest! Your crime against fashion is wearing a fanny pack. Immediately the Fanny-Packer starts protesting that not only did he have nothing to do with whatever happened, he doesn't even know what's going on: "My whole world has been turned 100% upside down." Dear O.J.: One crime (not the only one) I can never forgive you for is flooding our vernacular with the oh-so-meaningless phrase "I am 100% [whatever]." I completely HATE people that say it, and I don't need to add what percent I hate them. Anyway, The Fanny-Packer says it wasn't his fanny pack (who would admit to owning one?) and not his gun and he didn't even know a round had been discharged from the gun, and when Greg says the cops picked him up because he was running and walking in a suspicious manner, the Fanny-Packer says, "That's just me! That's just how I run and walk! Maybe I had too much coffee. I was hanging out at Dowl." Greg's like, "'Dowl'?" Fanny-Packer says, "THE OWL. Check it out." Greg ignores this endorsement of a stupid coffee bar and brings up the name of the DOA: "Blair Reynolds. I bet there's a connection between the two of you." Then, pointing like a gallows judge, he orders the Fanny-Packer back in the cage: "Feel free to stand on your head if it helps your orientation." Greg is so weird.
Greg exits the pokey and runs into Di and Kirky, fresh from the vet's office. The dog's mom still doesn't recall the shooter but the "concept of a fanny pack should be fresh in her mind," according to Kirky. Why anyone would want such a bad fashion concept in his or her head is beyond me, but way to go planting the horrifying imagery, Kirky. Oh, I know they need her to identify the shooter, but a FANNY PACK? Gross.
Di, Kirky, Greg and Baldwin all crowd into Fancy's office to discuss this case. Fancy perks up (as much as he ever does) at the particulars: "A bullet's in a dog's nose?" Di clarifies, "It's lodged in his snout." Kirky says that the owner doesn't want them to operate to get the bullet out: "The dog is twelve years old and there's a 50% chance that the dog might not make it." Di adds, "Jerry's all she's got." Greg chimes in, "So we've got a gun, we've got a shooter, and the bullet that could convict him in a dog's nose that we hope will die of natural causes before we all retire." Everyone in the office raises an eyebrow at this outburst. Baldwin suggests getting a court order for the bullet. Greg says he could "go to bat on this. I'd take the 50% chance." Baldwin says, "That's kind of cold, partner." Fancy says, "You wanna go to bat on this, Greg?" Greg says yeah, "and I know just the judge," and seems like he's about to leave. Everyone in Fancy's office is visibly relieved, but they all tense back up when Greg opens his big mouth again: "Judge La Vow. I happen to know he was bit by a rottweiler. If he is sitting we are over like fat rats." He leaves in a huff and everyone has a big old eye-roll at Greg's expense.
Ricky comes breathlessly into the office. You're late! Sip looks like he's about to explode. Ricky explains he walked up to Central Park and his beeper went dead. Um, no you didn't. "You caught a DOA," asks Ricky. Sip tosses over the info he's gathered and tells Ricky to read it before they go into Fancy's office. Ricky's like, "Does the boss know I wasn't there?" Sip shakes his owl-y head no and looks pissed. Just wait until Ricky's psychotic episodes REALLY start to come out -- then you'll have some covering to do, Sip! They charge into Fancy's office and Ricky lamely tries to act like he knows what's up with the case. Sip does most of the talking and relays that the skeleton DOA was Alice Low, who disappeared from Hoboken nine years ago when she was eight years old. She had the same flowered dress and pin in her leg. Sip and Ricky are going to contact the detective who originally worked the case to see if he felt the parents were suspects.
Flash forward to Hoboken. All I know of Hoboken is Maxwell's, and the detective's neighborhood and house is uniformly gray. I guess NYC is supposed to be gritty and Hoboken can just be gray. Knock knock goes Sip. A very William Macy-looking, mustachioed older guy shuffles to the door. Sip says, "Detective Hoffman?" "I'm retired," croaks the Geezer. Sip plows ahead: "I talked to you on the phone?" The Geezer remembers: "Oh yeah. You wanna talk to me now?" Duh!
The Geezer leads Ricky and Sip into a room filled with wooden duck decoys. I'd think they're meant to be symbolic, but none of them are actually coming out of the TV screen to hit me over the head, so I must be wrong. "G'wan, g'wan, we'll talk in here. Is there some peanut brittle over there?" Sip gruffs, "Me and him don't want any. We wanna see the materials you collected on this case." The Geezer rocks back on his heels and say, "Aw, nothing ever turned up on that." Sip squints at the Geezer, who adds, "The parents moved four or five years ago to North Miami. I promised I'd contact them if an arrest was made." Sip and Ricky exchange looks and Ricky reminds the Geezer of the files he said he had. "I'll go get them boxes," the Geezer says, and slowly shuffles off. Sip jumps in with, "I'll give you a hand," and the Geezer gets mad: "You cracking wise? It's my case! I am working this case!" Sip says to Ricky sotto voce, "Tell him he's retired and what year this is." The geezer continues blustering, "Where them boxes go, I go! All right then. Is there some peanut brittle over there?" Ricky says he'll have some and shoves a piece of ancient candy in his mouth. Mmm. Sip, so weary already, says, "For God's sake."
Cut to the Precinct, where Ricky, Sip and the Geezer are sloowly heading up the stairs. The Geezer is carrying a few large boxes. They make it in and -- whoops! -- the Geezer wipes out and the boxes spill out right in front of Fancy's office. Sounding totally like William H. Macy in Fargo, the Geezer says, "Oh for gosh sakes! Gosh!" Sip intercepts Fancy and gives him the low-down on the Geezer before he and Ricky take him off to the coffee room. Sip mutters, "Half senile and living by himself," and then something goes on in Sip's eyes....maybe he recognizes a little of himself in the Geezer? Hmm.
In the coffee room, Ricky offers the Geezer coffee. The Geezer says, "My usual," and it takes a minute for him to figure out that Ricky doesn't know what that is. He likes a spoonful "...of that Cremora stuff." Sip shudders involuntarily and then hardens to the geezer again. "Look, we can't have you guarding those boxes like they were Fort Knox or something, doling the files out." The Geezer sits, looking stunned then after describing the various color-coding and rubber-banding techniques he's employed, says, "You can go through them." Ricky thanks him.
Enter Greg and Baldwin. Greg hangs up his coat in such a way that you know he's pissed. He charges into Fancy's office and Fancy asks, looking bemused, "How'd it go?" Baldwin says not good. Greg says, "He lacks that courage of his convictions, that Judge La Vow." Fancy suggests Greg talk his Fanny-Packer into a lineup. Greg mutters something about dogs and Fancy is like, yo Greg: "Maybe now's the time to think about your man in the pokey?"
Greg goes into the pokey rubbing his hands together. "This could be your lucky day!" he sings to the Fanny-Packer. "Maybe your alibi holds up! That waitress at The Owl says she remembers someone with your description." Then Greg casually suggests the idea of an informal lineup, "just so the waitress can be sure it was" him. The Fanny-Packer is reluctant at first and then goes for it. Sucker. "Tell that waitress the time I'm in there, she's in for a big tip," the Fanny-Packer says. Greg is all, "Just give me a minute! Ha ha!" and dances on out. Oh, he's a wily weirdo, that Medavoy.
Fancy comes into the coffee room. The Geezer guiltily whips on his glasses, since before the boss walked in, he was just spacing out. When Ricky excuses himself, the Geezer starts talking to Fancy: "I try to live a good life...I don't know how it's in there no more." Wuh? Ricky comes back in with some papers, linking the building the skeleton was found in with the home her parents lived in; someone had access to both buildings. The Geezer is like, "Was that in one of my papers?" Sip asks the Geezer to stick around and the Geezer says, "Any help I can be." Fancy looks at him funny.
The dog mom is fussing about the line-up to Di and Kirky: "I keep saying the man who shot my dog isn't the one I was paying attention to!" She loves her doggie! Di and Kirky and Fancy and Greg and Baldwin all talk her into making an ID "by number." The lady says, "How do I identify them by number?" Baldwin says because they'll have a number on. Duh, lady! They raise the shade and six balding dudes, identical to Fanny-Packer, are in the other room. Thankfully they don't all have fanny packs on too. The lady says, "I don't see the one who shot my dog!" Greg rudely asks, "How about the one that shot the man?" Then he makes a crack about her "aged dog" with the bullet and the lady snaps, "I am not talking about that!" Then she leaves and Greg bets she's not in support of "lab mice." Fancy tells them to kick all six line-up guys, and Baldwin says he want to try something. Something shirtless, please?
As the line-up guys, including Fanny-Packer, file out, Baldwin freaks out, pointing at Fanny-Packer and yelling "There he is! The one who left my half-brother bleeding to death! With the fanny pack!" Fancy holds Baldwin back as the Fanny-Packer cowers. Finally Baldwin moves away and the Fanny-Packer asks Greg what the hell that was all about: "You said it would be the waitress from The Owl? Did you hear him threatening me? I need an escort!" Fancy says, "Around here we're used to outbursts from grieving relatives." The Fanny-Packer calls Baldwin a "huge black grief-maddened half-brother" and is totally scared: "If he saw me running away with a fanny-pack, it doesn't mean I shot his half-brother." Di and Kirky come in and stage-whisper to John, "Who's that psycho outside? He says he's gonna kill someone we have in custody?" Oh, hi Fanny-Packer. Fanny-Packer totally spills it: "Do you know the term 'bag man'? I am a bag man for my brother. He gave me the fanny pack and the gun to hold and I was supposed to get rid of it. And I'll say that to the judge." Left holding the fanny pack! A situation no one wants to be in.
Ricky and Sip haul in a redheaded older man. Sip sees the coffee room is empty. Oh no! Where's the Geezer? The red-haired guy asks, "Is this going to delay my disposition?" Duh! Sip goes into Fancy's office to fuss: "That old cop shouldn't be wandering around this neighborhood." Fancy says he'll put out a description and try to get him picked up. "Say he's a retired cop and to be respectful and gentle." Aww! I love when Sip has a heart. Then, back to Red: "Now you! Sit down." They take him to the coffee room to grill him. Ricky says, "This is a property problem." Then he tells him about his connection between the house where they found the remains of the girl and her home in Hoboken. Red says, "A bunch of us owned that Houston Street property! Look, my son and I work a lot of places! I don't remember any Low family!" Sip yells, "You remember bricking up any body? Either you're a raping murdering pedophile or your son is and you know it! My partner can look the other way...I'm the excitable type!" Ricky acts like he's going to leave and Sip leans in threateningly until Red cracks: "My son did not rape that girl and he did not kill her!" Ricky jumps in, "You're admitting that you took the body and bricked it up!" Red continues, "He had problems! I had to help him! I brought the body over." Sip screams, "Your son is a murdering pedophile rapist!" Red says, "He did not kill her!" Sip screams, "YEAH HE DID!" Ricky, voice of reason, says, "Write down where we can pick him up." Red, totally pitiful, says, "He's my son." Ricky says, "Don't say another word." The screen fades to black and we hear the sound of writing.
The Fanny-Packer comes in with Greg: "When my brother was cursing me out, that could be used as a confession, right?" It sure would be convenient, wouldn't it? "Now what are the chances of my release?" Greg says, "Nil. You're an accessory to murder." The Fanny-Packer is all like, hey! Then Baldwin comes in and the Fanny-Packer freaks! "It's him! Come to get me! Shoot! Shoot!" Greg says, all casual, "Oh he's just going to his desk." The Fanny-Packer realizes he was tricked and says, "This is sick! Everything about what you people do!" Oh, there's another phrase I hate: "You people." I hate it 100%. Baldwin has a sweet smile on his face and doesn't even look at the Fanny-Packer. Ha ha, Fanny-Packer!
Sip and Ricky bring in the son. He looks young and dumb. They look big-eyed at each other and then start. He doesn't remember any girl and he didn't kill her. No, he doesn't and he didn't. Neither did his father; he's a good dad. Ricky finally loses it and screams, "Say it! If you're lying I'm gonna see it in your eyes!" The son says lamely, "It was a coma she had," and Ricky THROWS him on the floor and starts choking him. "SAY IT! SAY IT!" The son starts crying and says, "All right! It was me! It was me!" before totally breaking down in tears. Sip looks at Ricky like, whoa.
Sip gets a cop out in the hall to sit with the son: "He's a little shook up." The anonymous cop asks, "You wanna keep him that way?" No, no brutality is needed -- but thanks for asking! You're the best. Sip follows Ricky into the bathroom for the Ally McBeal segment. Ricky mutters, "Murdering bastard." Ling comes out of a stall and jumps his bones. Just kidding! Bygones, okay? Sip goes, "The worst." Ricky says, "A defenseless little girl." Sip tells Ricky that he can call the dad back in and he'll take the son's statement. Ricky gets a little mad that Sip thinks he can't "use effective police procedure," but then does what he says anyway. As he charges out, Sip asks, "What's wrong?" Sip's reaching out! Don't smack his hand away!
Ricky comes out and sees Di. They "hi" each other. Ricky says he went off to get a confession but Sip reined him in. Di says he would do the same for Sip. Ricky says thank god for partners. Aanywaays. Di says real fast. "AreyoumeetingMaryafterworkdoyouwanttogogetabite?" Some kind of bite, baby -- yes indeedy. Ricky jumps at the chance and they arrange to meet at Paddy O'Furnitures, Irish/Cop bar for all your entertainment needs. Fancy comes in to kill the mood and say that they found the Geezer, but he won't come back in. Tell him there's peanut brittle! He should come a-runnin'.
Now we get this nice, dialogue-less montage scene of the Geezer standing on the street clutching his boxes, and Sip and Ricky coming up and helping him into a car. Sip actually looks kind and respectful. Stop the presses! Sip has heart!
It's the end of the day. Sip is liberally slapping himself with aftershave. Don't forget the armpits...there you go. Then he gets mad at Ricky for not unburdening himself to Sip: "You go through life close-mouthed!" Ricky tells him about the nightmares (fire in the house, walking down the airplane steps with his sisters) and how he felt that he had to take care of his sisters: "I even got the manual, how to raise a two- and three-year-old when you're six yourself." If this weren't so sad it'd be pretty funny. Sip says Ricky can talk about it and Ricky says, all foreboding, "It's early in the game. I don't wanna wear you out." Sip says, "You can lean on me." Something to look forward to -- a total nervous breakdown from Ricky! Hoo boy.
Over at Paddy O'Furnitures, Di and Ricky are sitting on stools to each other. Not very romantic. Ricky is grilling Di on her no-drinking policy: "No spirits of any kind? Does this make you uncomfortable?" He waves his beer in her face. No, she's cool, man. Then she says he's the first "friend" she's made since Bobby died. Does she mean the naked kind of friend? "That's precious to me." Ricky's like, you're precious to ME." Then he says he really likes the friends he's made in the squad, and they touch hands for like a second. Then Ricky's burger comes and he says how starving he is and it's like he's "going to the chair," and takes a big old chomp, then salts his burger as Di sits there looking uncomfortable. I take back anything I said about Di and Ricky hooking up. Di, RUN. Ricky has issues.