Episode Report Card AB Chao: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Pilot
By AB Chao | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.28.2005
ches sight of double-amputee Gumby. "Gumby do something to piss you off?" Heh. Now, see? Here's what we need more of. Dear Night Stalker people whose names I do not know yet: More of that, please. I could like you if you acted right, really. Thank you for your cooperation, AB Chao. Perri thinks a minute, then asks Kolchak, "You knew I had that interview before you asked, didn't you?" Kolchak says he did. Perri says she thought so. They both smile to themselves. Man, this already?Perri interviews Henry as Kolchak looks on intently. Sidekick takes photos. Where did he come from? He certainly wasn't in the car with Perri and Kolchak, sittin' in a tree. Perri asks Henry if he's spoken to his brother-in-law since he accused him of killing his sister. Henry says people get desperate for an explanation when there are no answers, enough to believe the unbelievable. Kolchak jumps in to ask Henry if he saw or heard anything weird before he left, like say, oh, Kolchak doesn't know...an animal? Perri gives Kolchak a look. Henry says sometimes coyotes come down and get into their garbage cans. Kolchak asks if Henry actually saw this alleged coyote. Henry says no. Kolchak thanks Henry and walks out. Sidekick whispers in Perri's ear, "What was that about?"
Perri doesn't know what that was about, but it sure is keeping her up at night. She gets up at three in the morning and walks downstairs, and by the way, nice underwear, to search Kolchak's name on her computer. She finds a bunch of listings for journalism awards Kolchak won when he was working in Las Vegas, and then one that reads "FBI Murder Investigation: FBI investigators questioned Carl Kolchak regarding this murder..." Unfortunately for Perri, the link pulls up a 404. What, it's not in Google's cache?
Newsroom. Hey, I think I see Famous Original Kolchak! Perri has changed into something a little less comfortable, and is on the phone with a Las Vegas FBI agent named Fain. She tells Agent Fain that she's with the L.A. Beacon, and is calling about Carl Kolchak. Agent Fain asks Perri where Kolchak is. She tells him that he works with her in L.A., and was curious about the murder investigation he was questioned for back in Vegas. Agent Fain asks her if she's planning to write a story about it...since none of Kolchak's colleagues in Vegas would. Perri asks him if there's a story at all. Agent Fain says there is, if she's willing to write it: "Carl Kolchak is a murderer." Well, excellent, then! Commercials.
Sidekick finds Kolchak in the newsroom, and asks him if he's got a minute. Kolchak does, of course. Sidekick says he heard what Kolchak said about the animals during the interview with Henry, and it got him to thinking. He shows Kolchak some photos that he took at both crime scenes. There are tracks in the dirt at both sites, and in one of the pictures, there's a blurry shot of what appears to be a coyote. Or a SCARY KILLING MONSTER!!! Sidekick asks worriedly, "What the hell is it, Kolchak?" Dramatic music plays.
Meanwhile, Perri is having a little meeting somewhere in the desert with Agent Fain. Perri asks Agent Fain, who is wearing the requisite dark suit and sunglasses of Real Live FBI Agents, what it is he wants her to see. Agent Fain tells Perri that this right here is where Kolchak killed his wife. "Of course," says Agent Fain, "that's not his story." We flash back to Kolchak and his wife driving down this same road. Agent Fain voice-overs that Kolchak claims he swerved to avoid a head-on collision, then pulled over to the side of the road. "Then it happened." We see something smash through the windshield on his wife's side. Perri asks what it was. Agent Fain says sarcastically, "He says he never got a good look at it. But whatever it was, it 'wasn't human.'" We flash back again to Kolchak waking up some time later, with a huge hole in the windshield and the remains of Gumby swinging from the rearview mirror. Is it kind of gross that he kept that? Anyway, Kolchak's neck is bloody, and his wife isn't in the car. He finds her body in the brush a few feet from the road, a huge bloodstain on her abdomen. Where, perhaps, a baby would have been. Back in the present, Agent Fain says it's mighty convenient that his wife was killed and Kolchak was left alive. Perri asks if he was charged. Fain says there was insufficient evidence. "I've answered your questions, Ms. Reed. Now, answer mine. Why are you investigating Carl Kolchak?"
The world may never know, because we cut to Kolchak and Sidekick back at the motel crime scene. Sidekick points out where he took the picture that captured their little doggie friend. Kolchak finds two sets of footprints, but no drag marks. Sidekick's all, "I would like you to explain." Kolchak says maybe instead of dragging Petunia off, "they" carried her off. "Instead of looking for that little girl's body, they should be looking for her alive." Sidekick would like to know, please, what kind of animal carries off a little girl. Kolchak says grimly, "Who says it was an animal?" Who, indeed, Carl? Perhaps the FBI will help you figure it out, because here they come. Perri steps out of Agent Fain's big black FBI sedan, looking guilty. Fain points out to Kolchak that these new crimes are strikingly similar to his wife's murder. Sidekick's all, "Murder?" Poor Sidekick. Agent Fain cuffs Kolchak, as Perri stands around looking at the ground. More commercials? ABC is weird.
Bossman Cotter Smith finds Perri outside the L.A. County Jail. "I understand I have you to thank for this?" Perri's like, hey, thanks for telling me you hired an accused murderer. Cotter tells her that's nobody's business, and besides, he's just an accused murderer. Heh. Perri is not reassured. Cotter says it's not his job to reassure her. Perri asks him if he was aware that Kolchak claimed some kind of beast killed his wife, and was then held for psychiatric evaluation. Cotter says Kolchak recanted that story, and was always just a suspect, nothing more. Perri counters that you have to wonder why Kolchak is so interested in these new murders. Cotter: "You mean why a man would be interested in a story that so closely mirrors his own?" Perri has no answer to this. Cotter sighs heavily, then tells her that Kolchak was a journalist superstar five years ago in Vegas, when he broke some kind of corruption story that made both of their careers. The kicker, though, was that Kolchak wasn't even there the day the guy was convicted, the biggest day of his career, because he had stayed home to take care of his wife. So, see, he couldn't have killed her! He loved her enough to call in sick for her! Perri is finally chastened. Kolchak walks out the door just then, saying they had to let him go, because all they had was "their fevered imaginations."
Perri drives Kolchak home. He thanks her for the ride. Perri apologizes for getting him arrested, and says she was just asking questions when she went to the FBI. Kolchak gives her a funny look. "But you're not sure I'm innocent, either, right?" Perri looks away, in the direction of Kolchak's house. She asks him why his front door is open. They go inside, and -- surprise! -- the FBI has trashed the place. It's a shame, too, because Kolchak's house is incredible, all modern glass and glowy Asian lamps. Oh, and look, there's an Eames chair all smashed to bits. Sad! Perri says she'll help him clean up, but Kolchak says he needs a beer. While Kolchak fetches the drinks, Perri takes this opportunity to snoop around in his home office. She finds, conveniently lying on the floor, a folder full of crime scene photos of his wife. Kolchak creeps up behind Perri and says as much, scaring the shit out of her in the process. Perri asks him why he would keep these. Kolchak: "Look at her left hand." Perri does, and sees the same red mark on her wrist that we saw earlier in the episode. She asks what it is. Kolchak says he doesn't know -- but she didn't have it before she died. He shows her a bunch more pictures of other de