By Angel Cohn
It's the midseason finale, though last week's Rayna/Juliette duet seemed like the perfect way to go out for Christmas. Instead we get this episode that tied up a lot of loose ends that I guess people were clamoring for? I'd have been happy waiting a bit, especially after seeing what happens with Juliette, but let's start with everything else first.
Scarlett made such an impression with her horrifically breathy rendition of "Ring of Fire" that Hailey thinks she should front a band, so she sets her up with info to audition. Scarlett has a pretty voice, but the mousey girl is way too shy to really be a front person. When Gunnar gets wind of this, he gets pissed because he thinks it will take time away from their songwriting. Well, he really thinks that it will mean that he won't get to moon over Scarlett as she terribly lip-syncs all day long because she'll be busy with her other interests. And Hailey catches on to Gunnar's real purpose, so they split up. Hailey can definitely do better than this knock-off Zach Gilford. This all makes it so Gunnar can go kiss Scarlett and make everything all weird and awkward between them, so that she won't even sing the song they wrote in public together. Yeah, that's frontwoman material right there. But the two of them did manage to make some progress on their songwriting career, and it all gets celebrated in one of the most painful toasts of all time.
Avery, if anyone actually cares at this point, plays for Wyclef John and gets invited to Atlanta on his private plane to do some recording with him. Well, that's all contingent on the fact that Avery has to dump his band, which is comprised of dudes he's been friends with since middle school. Awkward. Also awkward was Avery bringing Scarlett a bottle of bubbly that they were saving for when he made it big, and the toolish guy finally admitting they should have celebrated when she got her writing deal.
Deacon has some friends in a newly clean and sober band called the Revel Kings, and they want him to go on tour with them as their guitarist. The one dude has a cool guitar-shaped pool, which is how we're able to tell that this band is big time rich. Well, that and the fact that every time Deacon name-drops the band, people flip their lids. He waffles for a long time, talking to Juliette and Rayna, who both tell him he'd be a dumbass not to do it since they've got their own shit going on and don't have time for him anymore.
Rayna's shit consists of her former friend Coleman showing her the pictures of Teddy and Peggy in compromising positions. She naturally goes and calls Teddy out, and finds out that he wasn't having an affair (allegedly) but that instead he is a total thieving liar and everyone from her dad to her sister knew about it and kept it under wraps. After Peggy ODs, the affair thing becomes more and more suspect. And after Coleman leaks the pictures, Rayna ends up doing the whole good wife thing, making a grand public statement about how she loves her husband, all so she can protect her kids and family.
Also in Rayna land, her single with Juliette is doing gangbusters, and the two of them are invited to co-headline a major stadium tour. Well, duh. Who didn't see that coming from about 200 miles away?
As for Juliette, well, this one's a doozy. So she's ignoring calls from her mother (her only family, as Deacon points out) and has insinuated herself into Sean's family. Going to church with them, singing with the choir, gifting his sister with a pair of expensive cowboy boots, inviting herself to Sunday dinner, etc. But Sean's mom is wise to Juliette's corrupt reputation, and puts the kibosh on that, saying that Juliette's actions are just for publicity, and that she fully intends to keep the trashy gal away from her son's public image at all costs. So, Juliette does what any insane person would do: She invites her good Christian boy over for dinner, and then tempts him with sex and then proposes marriage to him. Good lord.