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The half-season long "Will they or won't they?" question has finally been answered! And no, I'm not talking about Rayna and Deacon Doing It. We finally get to enjoy Rayna and Juliette bitching it up at close range, as they are encouraged by label head Marshall Evans to perform a duet at Edgehill Republic's anniversary show at the legendary Ryman Auditorium. Of course, neither woman is feeling this idea at first, but Rayna uses it as leverage to get Marshall to agree to new BFF Liam producing her record as well as nixing a proposed greatest hits album. And the duet is yet another reputation-repairer for Juliette, whose burgeoning relationship with Sean "Tim Tony Tebow Romo" Butler is only drawing more ire from football fans. Without the duet with Rayna, she won't even be on the bill at the Ryman show and she's dying to play there.
Once both parties have agreed to the duet, things only get more difficult in a really magical way for us, the viewing audience. Juliette kicks things off by being a total bitch and the bitchery becomes mutual as they try to agree on which song to sing. Juliette totally wants to do one of her teenybopper songs and, well, we all know what Rayna thinks of Juliette's music. Rayna points out that she's doing this as a favor to the label and adds that everyone knows Juliette hasn't earned a place on the stage. Then Juliette's feeeeeeeeeelings are hurt and despite the fact that she's basically spent hours calling Rayna an irrelevant hag, it's Rayna who gets a hard time from Deacon for not acknowledging that Juliette might actually have talent. He gives her a copy of "Undermine," and soon Rayna shows up at Juliette's door proposing that they co-write a new song. They do, and when they play this ode to telling off no-good men at the Ryman, it has MONSTER HIT written all over it. Co-headlining tour, here we come! In supplementary Juliette news, Sean doesn't want to sex her up outside of wedlock. OF COURSE. He does strike me as an "oral doesn't count" type of guy, though.
Meanwhile, Teddy's poll numbers are way up, but his optimism is quickly dashed when Cole shows him the incriminating Peggy-photos. Cole tells Teddy that if he doesn't drop out of the race, he'll leak the photos to the press. Lamar, of course, has some scheming ideas on how to get around this (I'm hoping that one of them involves eventually murdering Peggy), but ultimately thinks that Teddy should get ahead of the story and deny any infidelity-based wrongdoing. Team Conrad agrees that the biggest problem is going to be dealing with Rayna. The biggest problem for Cole, however, is going to be a long drawn-out trial for possession, thanks to Lamar's friends in the judicial system.
And then there's Scavergun. Avery sleeping with manager Marilyn has evidently paid off, as his band is playing in bigger venues, being heavily promoted and being introduced to Wyclef Jean in a guest starring role. But he still seems kind of lonely for Scarlett. Meanwhile, Hailey is way more stupid than I gave her credit for and gussies up Scarlett for a fun night out on the town, using the philosophy that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone. Of course, when Gunnar sees Scarlett in heels and a sexy (for her) black dress, he has to pick his eyeballs up from the floor. He also conscientiously objects to her flirting with another dude and is a total cockblocker. Not cool! In the midst of all this, Scarlett is invited onstage by the band at the bar (OF COURSE) and sings what is perhaps the worst version of "Ring of Fire" in existence. This only serves to make her more enchanting to Gunnar; meanwhile, Hailey starts to get wise to the fact that these two are freaks and she should run while she still can. Eventually, a very upset Scarlett goes to Avery's house unannounced and finds Marilyn there in her underthings. In positive news, this finally breaks her writers' block!
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Avery met a cougar manager who was interested in representing his band, which really meant that she was interested in boning him and would represent his band to help get there. Scarlett asked, "Did you sleep with that woman?" with cheeks full of sunflower seeds, then stormed out. Juliette and nerd-jock Sean Parker started A Thing, while Cole debated whether to release photos suggesting that Teddy and Peggy were having an affair. And Rayna entered into a musical partnership with hotshot producer Liam McGinnis, in a move that entailed going against the head of her label, who she hates anyway.
We enter with Rayna and Liam listening to a music track in the studio, and continuing their pattern of mutual admiration. Rayna loves the track, which is quite a bit heavier than the likes of "American Beauty," and says she just finished a lyric that would be perfect for it. Bucky skulks around and gets off the phone with some not-so-great news, as he is wont to do. Rayna's label, Edgehill, is doing a live recording of their 25th Anniversary Show at the legendary Ryman Auditorium, and wants to follow that up with a Rayna Jaymes greatest hits album. As we know, Rayna is REALLY indisposed to the idea of a greatest hits album, probably because it makes her feel old at a time when Juliette Barnes is constantly calling her old.
Liam at least is in alignment with Rayna about the fact that label head Marshall Evans is a dick. Rayna notes that she's done every Edgehill anniversary show ever, and wants to end this one with some of her new material. Bucky is not quite ready to venture into EdgyHill territory, but Liam is of course down with that plan. And though I was fully on board the Rayna and Deacon reconciliation train, I have to admit that the Rayna-Liam combo is turning out to be way more fun at the moment. As it turns out, it's a relief not to have all those pregnant-with-meaning stares!
Meanwhile, Juliette and Sean Parker are making out by her pool. He stops long enough to say it's nice to do something other than football. She replies that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, then whips out an axe to accompany her devious smile. Kidding! Though I actually think that would be a satisfactory character turn for her, and if she eventually went after Scarlett in a tree-maze (after a fleeting glimpse of Teddy in a dog costume in a compromising position with Lamar) I would give this show 17 Potes Emmys.
Juliette invites Sean to the Edgehill anniversary concert at the Ryman, where she says she'll be playing a set. Just as they start to make out again, Glen comes out to cockblock the situation with bad news. Managers! There's another lady there, who I guess is Makena Junior, and they tell Juliette that although her hookup with goody-two-shoes Sean Parker helped her negatives for a short time, they didn't anticipate all the negative press it would generate... for Sean. Well, duh.
Apparently football fans are blaming Juliette for Tim Tony Tebow Romo's poor passing in the last few days, and tabloids have deemed her "Country Cryptonite." First of all, isn't it "Kryptonite" with a K? And second, it's no "Cleo-Fat-Ra." Juliette does not like being referred to as Kryptonite with a K or a C, and argues that she and Tim Tony Tebow Romo aren't even necessarily dating. But this isn't even the bad news! Marshall Evans wants to see Juliette personally, and that can't be good.
We then cut to the outside of a venue called Tequila Cowboy, where there's a big old sign announcing The Avery Barkley Band. See, sleeping your way to the top WORKS. While all the guys in the band excitedly take photos, Marilyn shows up to tell them that she's called every producer, entertainment reporter, and music blogger in town. Tequila Cowboy holds 500 people, and Marilyn is going to make sure that the show is at capacity. She's also printed up some large posters of Avery's face (probably so she can lick them when he's not around), and is arranging a meeting with Dominic Wells, president of Cascade Heights records. He's big in Atlanta (and everywhere), and also apparently goes by the name "Domino." I'm sure Marilyn slept with him at some point, too, so has the inner scoop on the fact that he's looking to sign new acts.
Noting a funny look on Avery's face, Marilyn asks why he doesn't seem more excited. He says that Scarlett's been to every dive they've played, and it feels weird not to have her be a part of this success. I know Avery is kind of a doofus, but even he should know not to bring up his ex-squirrelfriend to his new sugar mama! Marilyn says he can put Scarlett on the guest list before adding that if you want the prize, you've got to keep your eyes on it. By "prize" she means "my cooch."
And then it's time for Juliette's meeting with Marshall. She complains about how late he is because she thinks she's Ghandi come back from the dead to take a meeting. When Marshall does show up, he gives her a cursory tap on the arm and then says they're making some changes to the Ryman lineup. Namely, instead of doing a full set Juliette will only be doing one song. Juliette is incensed and starts talking up her two multi-platinum albums and wild success. Marshall brings up the comparative brevity of Juliette's career and her recent "troubles," and she interrupts him to say that she has kept Edgehill relevant, and made Marshall a lot of money in the process. When Glen tries to temper her anger she cuts him off with a withering, "You too." Marshall starts talking about how Edgehill believes in her but needs to protect its investment. Juliette cuts him off to say that she's not an investment, she's an artist -- the label's top earning one -- and she deserves to at least close the show. As it turns out, she will -- just not alone. Marshall tells her that we're all judged by the company we keep, and so Juliette would benefit by performing with someone who's viewed with tremendous respect. And y'all know who that is. The tables, how they have turned!
Cut to Rayna and her flowing hair and super-adorable daughters in their perfect kitchen getting ready for movie night. Teddy comes in and it is clear that there's typically a 75-25 split in favor of "chick flick" on the Conrad-Jaymes movie nights. Rayna is feeling good about life at the moment, with the exception of Marshall. She says that he's "a big proponent for the status quo," unless you have the slightest downturn in which case he'll toss you to the wolves entirely. As we have seen twice! Teddy is feeling pretty good too, since his numbers are way up. His boasting is interrupted by a phone call from Cole, who wants Teddy to meet him right away. Teddy agrees, even though he'll miss movie night. He seems to think this has something to do with the viability of Cole's run, and not his own predilection to shadowy meetings with suspiciously attractive partners in crime.
Meanwhile, at the Bluebird, Deacon is singing about how the only help he can get is from a stranger on the street and how loved ones lie to you. God, he is such a downer. (Still, check out the gorgeous original Gillian Welch/David Rawlings version of this song here.) This of course gives Scarlett a sad, and gives Gunnar, who is creepily staring at Scarlett per usual, an opportunity to go ask if she's okay. Hailey looks on, and really she's the one who should be sad at this moment. Scarlett's mood isn't helped by the fact that Avery's posters are all over town. She cries as she says that she hasn't missed one of his shows before. Gunnar points out that Scarlett dumped Avery because she spent all her time supporting him and he couldn't return the favor. But that's not really true -- she dumped him because whether or not he ACTUALLY boned Marilyn, he went to her house intending to. Then, because she's an idiot, Scarlett wonders if she's made the biggest mistake of her life. Gunnar encourages her to follow Deacon's lead and write about it. You know, because Deacon is such a perfect model of emotional health. But Scarlett, in a move that is counter to every writer ever in the history of words and music, finds that she has no inspiration in the wake of her break up. When Hailey learns that Gunnar has had no luck in cheering Scarlett, she tells him to leave it to her.
We then cut to Cole and Teddy meeting under a bridge, to discuss Teddy's propensity for shady nighttime meetings under a bridge. Cole tells Teddy that Rayna and Tandy are like sisters to him, and even though Lamar isn't like a father, he did learn a few things from him. Namely, when you have blackmail material, you should use it. When Cole says that he's there to discuss a withdrawal, Teddy starts to smile. That smile is quickly turned upside down when Cole says, "Yours." He shows Teddy the photos, which Teddy says are meaningless and completely out of context. Cole tells him that he has the weekend to drop out of the race. After that, the photos will be leaked to the press. Teddy insists that there was no affair. Cole believes him, but doesn't think anybody else will. He does not let out a booming, echoing, "Mwah ha ha!" which is how we know that he's not really as evil as Lamar.
So, as you might imagine, Juliette is not feeling the idea of a duet with Rayna. She asks Glen why on earth Edgehill would put her up on stage with "that woman." That woman! Like it was Monica Lewinsky! Glen of course thinks that it's a good idea, because it is, and says that performing with a living legend whose husband will soon be mayor will give Juliette cred. Juliette equates "living legend" with "old hag," as is her custom. She also doesn't care to be taken under Rayna's wing, even if it's for show -- she got here on her own, stole that bottle of nail polish on her own, and by God she'll cling to the Ryman stage with her last claw on her own as a giant hook tries to drag her off. In that case, says Glen, she'll not only be absent a tour, but won't have the opportunity to perform at Nashville's most revered venue as part of the biggest musical event of the year. I think maybe that's better, given the likelihood of the giant hook. Juliette seems conflicted about it, though.
Meanwhile, in the Manse of Evildoing, Lamar tells Teddy that there's no getting around it -- the Peggy situation looks bad. Tandy is pissed, noting that Peggy has always pined for Teddy (and had to settle for an old husband who works in Europe a lot, apparently), thus her decision to help him secure the "loan." Teddy says that he did nothing wrong, but isn't going to subject Rayna and the girls to an impending dirty scandal. But Lamar tells him that it's too late -- the photos will surface whether he drops out of the race or not. In fact, if Teddy drops out, Lamar will probably leak them to the press himself. Lamar's proposed strategy is for Teddy to "come clean," and tell the press just as much as he needs to. He didn't have an affair, so the photos can be explained. Does, "We were actually having clandestine meetings to talk about squashing a federal audit that might uncover our embezzlement scandal," sound like a good press release to you? Teddy wonders if the whole credit union brouhaha could be uncovered as well, but Lamar tells him that the paper trail has been wiped clean. The larger problem, as he sees it, is Rayna. And I mean, I'd say that Rayna has every right to a strong reaction when this shit breaks. Tandy adds a serious, "You need to get rid of Peggy." And I know this show doesn't really want to go full-on "Who shot J.R.?" but I for one feel that a dead Peggy Kenter could only win over more fans.
In Heartbreak City, Scarlett is driving Deacon crazy with her obsessive cleaning. She'll take a mug and clean it before he's even done with his coffee, which is something my mom does ALL THE TIME and is indeed highly irritating. He tells her that when a relationship ends, you've got to get out of the damn house. You may wind up in jail after a bar brawl, but even if the recipient of your first phone call ignores you, you'll eventually find someone to bail you out. He says that he'll put her on the list for the Edgehill show, and she reluctantly agrees. Deacon is apparently the house band leader, and Scarlett asks him if this means he'll play on everybody's act. He will, Rayna's act included. Scarlett wonders if that will be hard, since he's quit the band. Deacon says that it will be just fine, before clarifying that he was fired. Those two are like Fleetwood Mac, minus the buckets of blow.
We then cut to rehearsal for the Edgehill show. Rayna walks in with Liam, and passes a smirking Deacon who is noodling in the corner. She gives the band members a warm hug, introduces Liam, and finally sees Deacon. They don't say all that much to each other, but instantly commence with the eye fucking. It has a more casual timbre this time, though. Deacon confirms that Rayna is working with Liam, then calls him a bit of a wild card. Rayna says she likes to mix it up once in a while, and Deacon says, "Yes you do." Is that a sex reference? Liam introduces himself to Deacon, saying he's a big fan. After Deacon leaves, Liam notes that he's a tremendous talent, and says he never understood why Deacon didn't pursue a solo career. He was too busy being in heeerrrrrr siiiiiideshooooooow. And then Marshall shows up to tell Rayna that he'd like her to close the show with a duet that will help to bolster the reputation of a fellow Edgehill artist. And we all know who that is! Rayna is all, "Uh, no." But Marshall says that if she doesn't do it, he'll be releasing her greatest hits album immediately. Rayna gives a spirited, "Like hell you will," which I think should be accompanied by a crackling slap across the face.
Later on, Rayna complains to Liam that Marshall keeps threatening her with extinction unless she works with Juliette, or releases a greatest hits album. It is this type of passive-aggression that caused Liam to take a leak into one of Marshall's potted plants. Because that's how rock stars roll. Liam and Rayna then high five. Because that's how rock stars roll. Rayna asks for Liam's opinion on Juliette, and he says that she has a nice rack, okay voice, and is packaged to a T for fourteen year olds. In her favor, she's sold a lot of records and knows how to play the game. A little lightbulb goes off above Rayna's head, and she calls Bucky to say that she'll do the duet under the conditions that her album is new material, produced by Liam, and the greatest hits album is off the table unless it's her idea. What Liam calls manipulation, Rayna reframes as negotiation.
Meanwhile, Juliette stands on the Ryman stage, looking woeful. Deacon approaches her. He had a meeting with a sound tech, while Juliette just wanted to see what the Ryman looks like from that angle. It turns out she's only ever been in the audience, and she says it wasn't that long ago that she was getting off of the bus from Alabama, with her last $13 stuffed in one of MethMom's empty pill bottles. Juliette is miserable about the fact that everyone thinks she's a flash in the pan, but Deacon says that this is the place to prove them wrong. Furthermore, he thinks that if she quits fighting it, there's a lot she can learn from Rayna. Like, for example, how to properly condition her hair. Juliette thinks that Rayna can learn a few things from her too. Given the negotiation scene previously, I guess she already has.
Oh Lord, and then it's time for Hailey to take a crack at Scarlett. She shows up at Deacon's place, where Scarlett swings sadly on the front porch. Hailey has some wardrobe options, and tells Scarlett that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Scarlett is all, "You mean like a piggyback ride?" But she likes piggyback rides, and so follows Hailey inside the house.
And then it's time for Rayna and Juliette to come face to face! Apparently both parties have agreed to a duet. Juliette gives Rayna shit for being late, and Liam jumps in to say it was his fault. He introduces himself, which gives Juliette a chance to show off her flirty-grin. Neither Deacon nor Rayna seem to appreciate that. The men then leave the women alone to talk about potential song choices. As soon as they're gone, Juliette tells Rayna that she's not sure what deal she struck to be able to walk in there all nice, but she'd like to skip over the part where they pretend to like each other. Rayna responds to this bit of superfluous bitchery with a, "You do what you gotta do, kiddo," then heads off to greet the band.
Oh Lord, and then we head out to the clubs with Hailey and gussied-up Scarlett. Scarlett of course has never worn heels before and is all, "Why does mah shoe got this big spike comin' out of it? Is that so's I can nab a possum?" Hailey has also tried to give Scarlett's hair some much-needed help, to no avail. Gunnar is already at the club, and when he sees Scarlett and her lace-encrusted boobs he gives a mumbly little, "Wow." But before he can dump Hailey on the spot, Scarlett gets some gentlemanly attention and, with the encouragement of Hailey and a tequila shot, agrees to a dance. Gunnar looks decidedly uncomfortable at the idea of Scarlett getting magical with another man's fairy-wand.
Back at rehearsal, Rayna and Juliette are, to put it mildly, not having luck agreeing on a song. Juliette wants something exciting, Rayna wants something authentic. As a bonus, Liam and Deacon have a little moment of their own, which Liam seems to find hilarious. Juliette, for whom humility is a foreign emotion, thinks that Rayna should be happy that Juliette is there to expand her fan base. Rayna (quite correctly) counters that she thought they were there because Juliette has fans whose parents don't want them looking up to a shoplifter. Because he is the best, Liam cracks up, while Deacon is frustrated that these two can't come together for one measly song. Follow your diva foremothers and sing, "When You Believe!" Or maybe "Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves?" For the moment, though, neither Juliette nor Rayna seems entirely focused on the conscious liberation of the female state.
Ha! And then Peggy and Teddy have a clandestine meeting... by phone. He's walking along a bridge in the dark, while she sits in her car in some sort of desolate place. I thought the whole point of a shady phone call was that you could do it from anywhere? Teddy explains the situation with the photos, and says that he thinks Peggy should tell her husband what's going on. She seems disappointed when he reminds her that she can say with all honesty that there's nothing going on with them romantically. Peggy Kenter murder: still a good idea.
Back at the club, there is lots of awkward white-people dancing. Gunnar can't take his eyes off of Scarlett, who is having what he thinks is a little too much fun with her new dude. Hailey notes that this is the point of the whole evening, but Gunnar doesn't want Scarlett to do something she'll regret. Like have an enjoyable time once? And then the WORST THING HAPPENS. The band starts in with the music to "Ring of Fire," and Scarlett approaches the stage to say how much she loves this song. EVERYBODY loves this song. Pipe down, Blondie. But because this is Scarlett, the lead singer of the band says, "Come on up here, pretty girl." People are always just throwing jobs and lead vocal opportunities her way! How magical it is to be her! Scarlett bumbles up on stage in her usual, "Who aw shucks li'l ole me?" way, and grabs the microphone. And what happens from there is only slightly worse than this. Objectively, I think that Scarlett has the best voice of the female leads, but this is not her jam. It's like Bieber singing "Folsom Prison Blues." No. Nyet. Nein. It's not "Ring of Glowing Votive Candles," nor "Ring of Fairy Dust." And she smiles so hard through the whole thing that she actually turns cross-eyed. If I were in that audience, I'd throw a casserole dish of pink macaroni directly at her head. Gunnar of course is totally charmed, because he is an idiot too. Hailey starts to be less of an idiot, and seems a little suspicious about precisely how charmed Gunnar appears to be.
Scarlett continues to flirt with her dude, who tells her that she had the whole bar in the palm of her hand. At first she's modest, but then she says, "I guess I did." It would be so great if the ghost of June Carter Cash rose from the grave and punched her in the throat right now. The dude then goes in for a kiss, and just as there is lip on lip contact Gunnar busts in because he is nothing if not a cockblocker extraordinaire. The dude walks off while apologizing for not knowing that Scarlett had a boyfriend. Gunnar is then totally hostile, telling Scarlett that she went MIA and then he found her hooking up with some guy she barely knows. She points out that she was trying to relax and let loose, and he says, "Well I didn't think you'd be that loose." Slut shaming! And she was totally not even being a slut! Hailey comes up to find Gunnar with his chastity belt all in a twist. She asks what's wrong, and Scarlett goes full-on feral mole as she spits out, "Tequila shots, random guys, jumping up on stage... I shouldn't have come." That sounds like a good night, right? What exactly is the problem, here? Scarlett runs off, and Hailey finally might be cognizant of the fact that she should get away from these weirdos posthaste.
Meanwhile, Rayna and Juliette STILL haven't agreed on a song. Rayna suggests they might try some of her new material, but Juliette doesn't want to take a chance on something untested. She notes that she has songs that have gone multi-platinum, but Rayna still doesn't think they're good enough to play. Rayna claims that that isn't the case, but says that the Ryman stage is where people go to make history. Liam suggests edging up a classic, and Juliette is of course bitchy about that idea. She continues to be bitchy by saying that she could have written three songs in the time they've been sitting there listening to Rayna reminisce about her glory days, when she didn't need Juliette to help her fill seats.
And then Rayna lays into a good, old fashioned smackdown. She says that Juliette will be on the Ryman stage because of her, and she's doing a favor for the label that she helped to create. Rayna adds, "You have not earned that place at all, and everybody here knows it." This hits a nerve, and Juliette stomps off. Whatever! If you can't handle the truth, don't be a country singer! Liam says, "That girl seriously needs to get laid," and Connie Britton gives a perfect line delivery as she says, "That is SO not her problem." And then Deacon totally gives Rayna shit! Even though Juliette has ostensibly been insulting her for hours! He thinks that Juliette didn't deserve that, and reminds Rayna that lots of people said she wasn't traditional country enough when she was starting out. Rayna points out that Juliette has Deacon wrapped around her finger before saying that she just straight-up doesn't believe in that music. Deacon practically throws a CD of "Undermine" at her as proof that Juliette has the potential to be a great songwriter. To which I say, shut up, Deacon.
Cut to Juliette's house, where Sean has driven over in response to some sort of emergency. As soon as he gets in the door he learns that it is, in fact, a sex emergency. He and Juliette start a hot makeout session that involves ass-grabbing -- too hot for ABC! -- and as she straddles him on the couch she takes off his shirt, revealing a full sleeve tattoo. Juliette then takes off her own shirt, revealing the aforementioned great rack. But when she goes for Sean's belt, he puts a stop to the shenanigans because he thinks they should wait. Wait for what, Juliette asks? Sean says that he's not into casual sex. I mean, O'Doul's is too hard for this guy. Is the celibacy really a surprise? Juliette wonders if this whole burgeoning relationship is actually just for press, then asks if Sean is gay and looking for a beard. Furious that she can't get anyone to have sex with her, Juliette throws him out.
Meanwhile Scarlett, still in her sexy dress, shows up at Avery's house unannounced. She is full of bad ideas tonight. Avery looks awfully nervous as Scarlett starts to tell him that she misses him so much. With perfect timing, Marilyn walks out in only a bra. I guess the 10:30 - 11:00 hour is the appropriate time for all the ladies in their underthings. Scarlett runs out, having apparently mastered her heels, and Avery tells her that he didn't start sleeping with Marilyn until the two of them broke up. I mean, fair point. Also, look at how great things are turning out for the band! Happily, Scarlett had the cab wait for her and doesn't have to hoof it home. Avery yells that he doesn't love Marilyn, but Scarlett isn't having it and tells the driver to hit it like she's on The Amazing Race.
And then Rayna shows up to Juliette's house! In a very mature and professional manner, she says that none of the songs they floated were the right thing, so there's only one solution -- they need to write a song. A suspicious Juliette says, "You wanna write with me?" and Connie Britton nails a, "Nope!" But she thinks they should suck it up and be pros and get it done. First, however, she would like some coffee.
At the Manse of Evildoing, Lamar asks Teddy how it went with Peggy. Teddy says that Peggy was pretty upset, and Lamar notes that if she was unstable, they could use it. Oh my God, just murder her! So obvious! Lamar is like, "Mwah ha -- if she sought YOU out because she was an emotional mess, it would stop people from thinking there was something wrong with YOUR marriage!" He then asks if Rayna knows about the embezzlement. She does not, and Lamar would like to keep it that way. Rayna has at least one moral, which is more than these guys are collectively in the market for right now. Lamar's big, overarching plan, however, is to keep feeding the voracious news cycle by having the charges against Cole un-dropped. This is a little much for Teddy, but Lamar says that Cole can fight the charges in court and probably win. However, the election will be over by then. Teddy is second-guessing (fifth guessing? Twenty-seventh guessing?) his deal with the devil.
Back at Juliette's, it's morning and she and Rayna are still working. They're not in total harmony, but seem too tired to really get the claws out. This happens with my cats ALL THE TIME. The hatred is ever-present, but eventually they get too tired and can't muster the energy to not be in the same room acting sleepy. Juliette asks Rayna if the song is about Deacon for her, and Rayna says, "Not necessarily." She asks Juliette the same thing, and Juliette says, "All of 'em." They squabble over whether or not to add a bridge, and Rayna wonders if Juliette has orange juice. She does have vodka, which seems more useful in this situation.
At rehearsal, Juliette and Rayna haven't shown up yet, and Liam wonders if they're are still alive. Deacon is not so sure. Liam says he wouldn't want to get in between those two before rethinking and noting that actually he would. Before Deacon can respond, Rayna and Juliette walk in with some notepads and their animosity at a low simmer.
And then we're at the Ryman, where Marilyn introduces Avery to Dominic Wells, played by Wyclef Jean. Every time I see him I'm reminded about how meaningful my donation to Yele Haiti was. It is very important to the people of Haiti that Lindsay Lohan travel in a private jet, after all. Wyclef gets all, "Call me Domino" with Avery, but Avery can't concentrate when he sees Scarlett walk by, even though Marilyn is giving a hard sell on the Avery Barkley Band. Domino can't stay in town long enough to see Avery play, but suggests that he come to the A-T-L. One can only hope Nene Leakes shows up for a cameo!
All sorts of drama is going down at the Ryman, as Scarlett and Gunnar also run into each other. She apparently has already tried calling him, and wants to see if he's available tomorrow to write. Nothing like seeing a bra-clad lady circling your mean to get the inspiration flowing again! Gunnar of course would love to write, and says he wasn't sure if Scarlett would ever want to see him again. But not only does Scarlett want to see him, she wants to thank him -- he changed her life by dragging her up onstage at the Bluebird. And, she says, if she's going to lose someone, she's glad it's not him. Gunnar compliments her heels, and somewhere Hailey self-flagellates.
Backstage, Juliette is getting her hair did. Glen tells her to be proud that she's made it to the Ryman (even if it's taken her three years), and she asks for a moment by herself. The moratorium on company, however, does not extend to Sean, who shows up with a big bouquet of pink flowers to announce that he's not gay. He REALLY wants to bang her, he says, but respects any woman too much to do that outside the confines of marriage. Especially Juliette, because she's such a tramp to begin with. Sean wants to get to know Juliette better. Juliette's self-loathing pops out just long enough to tell Sean that if he did, he wouldn't like her very much. He says it's too late and they smooch. And really, the best plot development would be if, after all this, he totally turned out to be gay. "I only like Barbra Streisand because I respect the sacred covenant of marriage so much."
Rayna is also getting done up backstage, and her girls tell her that she looks beautiful. Teddy is a bit distracted, however, and Rayna notes that he seems like he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders. Clearly he's hatching his plan to murder Peggy! Or pondering how to tell Rayna that he didn't cheat on her, even though it really looks like he did.
We cut to the stage, where Buddy Miller is playing! He is truly the best. Rayna and Juliette wait in the wings, and Juliette says she can't believe they have to do this. Rayna proposes getting it over with, and then they'll never have to do it again. Juliette says, "Promise?" Rayna gives her solemn vow. And boy, these two are really going to love going on tour together, aren't they? Marshall introduces Rayna as her legendary self, as Juliette scowls. Rayna is super cheerful and fakety-fake as she introduces her "good friend" and label mate, Juliette Barnes. Juliette is also good at the fake smile, as you well know.
And then they kick off their co-written song, with Liam and Deacon playing guitar. Both women are wearing short sparkly dresses and look totally hot, and the song is a real cheating-dude kind of tell off. It's called "You've Got the Wrong Song," and is all about how this is no "Stand By Your Man" joint. It's catchy and clever, and Marshall thinks it's going to be a monster hit. Rayna apparently won the battle of the bridge, and hearing his wife singing about a liar and a cheater seems to make Teddy awfully nervous. Rayna and Juliette have pretty good stage chemistry, even though Juliette's stank face makes clear that they still totally hate each other. The song finishes, there is thunderous applause, Deacon and Liam fist-bump, Teddy gives an okay sign even though THINGS ARE NOT REALLY OK. And Rayna puts her arm around Juliette, because underneath it all, she's totally the nice one.
week: The co-headlining tour is re-proposed, Rayna gets some news from Teddy, Juliette gets the seal of disapproval from Sean's parents, and Gunnar finally puts the moves on Scarlett.
Potes would like to remind you that this ain't no feel good everything's fine kind of recap. Tweet her @traciepotes or email potesypotes@gmail.com.