Executive 1: Well, guys, I called you here because I just rented Music And Lyrics --
Executive 2: And?! Didn't you love it?
Executive 3: How did Drew look? How was her lisp? What about Brad Garrett? Wait, don't spoil me!
2: It's been out for months. It's your responsibility to stay informed!
1: The movie was fine, but more importantly, it gave me an idea. The plot is that there's this sort of washed-up former pop star -- like the other guy from Wham!--
2: Matthew Ridgeford.
3: I think it was Rudge Curlew.
1: His name is not the point.
2: Dude, we would so be out if this was The World Series Of Pop Culture.
3: Man, it really sucks that we can't enter, because the other night I thought of the most awesome team name for us.
2: Tell me.
3: The Boys Meet World!
2: Wow, that is good.
1: Guys.
3: Sorry.
1: So the movie got me thinking -- there were so many boy bands in the '90s that now there are literally thousands of Andy Digglers out there, and--
2: Ugh, when you say it like that, it's like I can feel them on me.
3: Vermin!
1: They are, and this brings me to my point, which is what can we do with these guys?
2: Welfare?
3: Extraordinary renditions?
2: Harvested for their organs?
3: Oh! Some kind of camps?
1: All excellent suggestions, but in the meantime, I was thinking maybe we could give some of them another chance at fame.
2: Oh my God, how in the world would we do that?!
1: By putting them in a reality show.
3: Ohhhhhh.
2: So it's not a chance at fame. It's a chance at "fame."
3: Am I supposed to hear quotation marks?
2: You can also look at me when I'm talking, instead of staring out the window, and see the air quotes. It's called common courtesy.
3: I thought I saw Spider-Man!
1: Guys!
2: We're very serious.
3: Reality show.
1: We round up some ex-boy banders. We throw 'em in a house, because that's what we do. And we give them some kind of bullshit "goal"--
3: I note the air quotes!
1: Cutting a single or something.
2: It'll be our generation's "Super Bowl Shuffle"!
3: That was so much cooler than "We Are The World."
1: So which ex-boy banders do we want to line up for this thing?
2: Justin Timberlake!
3: Oh my God, he's so hot right now!
1: I see where you're going with that, but what we want to keep in mind while we're brainstorming is that these are going to be personalities who want a second chance at fame. Not recording artists who are currently selling out world tours.
2: Riiiiiiiight.
3: Bruce Springsteen?
2: He was born in the U.S.A.!
1: Also a good effort, but: very famous, and never was in a boy band.
2: This is hard!
1: Why don't we go back to your first instincts.
2: Extraordinary renditions! You won't regret it.
1: Justin Timberlake. 'N Sync.
3: Oh, right.
2: I don't know, guys. The other 'N Syncers are doing pretty well for themselves.
3: They are?
2: Well, come on. Fatone. That guy's everywhere! Fox, NBC -- he'll be playing a corpse on C.S.I. .
1: Yeah, we'll never get him in a million years.
2: Who else was in that band?
3: The gay one.
2: And the one with the solo album.
3: Oh yeah, how do you pronounce that guy's name? Sha-ZEZ? Sha-ZAY?
2: It's Cesar Chavez, idiot.
3: And that makes four...who are we forgetting?
1: Wasn't there one who did a clothing line?
2: Justin again! Look, you gotta get off him; it'll just break your heart.
1: No, before him, there was that other one.
3: ...I'm totally drawing a blank.
2: Are you positive 'N Sync wasn't one of those boy bands that only had four guys?
1 2 3 4
1: This guy had weird hair...
2: Yeah, that doesn't help. They all had weird hair.
3: Can't you get your assistant to look it up or something? We're executives, we can't waste time like this!
[from outside the room] Chris Kirkpatrick!
2: Isn't he the host of Hardball?
3: I thought he was in the NBA.
1: She's on Wikipedia; there's an 85% chance she's right. Anyway, the fact that none of us could remember him suggests he's a good candidate. Who else?
2: What about a Backstreet Boy?
3: I think they're still trying to hold it together as a band.
2: Aw, that's cute.
1: Yeah, at any given moment three of them are probably in rehab anyway. Have we used up all the New Kids yet?
2: I think the only ones who haven't been on TV in the past three years are either in real estate...
3: And I'm pretty sure the one they were passing off as "Danny" was secretly an ape anyway.
1: Yeah, I heard that. Who else was there?
2: 3 Deep?
3: Ew.
1: Come on, I think we can aim a little higher than that.
3: Jackass?
1: They were very boyish, but not technically a band.
2: DuJour?
1: Fictional.
2: LFO?
3: You're thinking of O-Town, stupid.
1: No, there was an LFO, too.
3: Get out of here.
1: It's true.
3: What did "LFO" stand for?
2: Do you really care?
3: ...No.
1: We can probably get one of those guys. They were literally one-hit wonders. Except that their song wasn't quite a hit, even.
3: What was it?
2: Something about Banana Republic, I think.
3: ...Are you guys sure you're not just fucking with me?
1: People still remember the 98 Degrees guys, right?
3: Oh, sure. Nick.
2: And Drew, because of Dancing With The Stars.
1: What if we went after one of the non-Lacheys?
1 2 3 4
2: We wouldn't have a lot of competition for their attention, that's for sure.
3: So what are we up to, then, three?
1: We need one more to meet the minimum standard for boy band occupancy.
2: Tell that to 3 Deep.
3: Stop saying it!
1: Look, guys, I...
2: What?
1: I told my driver that I'd do him a favour.
3: Who's your driver?
1: He was in Color Me Badd.
2: What, he worked at a paint store?
3: No, that's a band. Watch sometime.
2: What, THEM? They're still alive?
3: If you can call that living.
2: Which one was he?
1: I don't know, the cheesy one?
2: Why do you have to do this guy a favour?
1: He saved my daughter from a pack of wild dogs.
2: You can't just get him a card? We have to go through this exercise? And involve the former creative engine behind FuMan Skeeto?
1: It's either that or give him his own Legends special.
3: And this way, we have a ready-made cast for The Surreal Life: Dance Fever, coming in 2008.
1 2 3 4