Episode Report Card Jessica: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Love Bandit
By Jessica | Season 1 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.20.2003
Back at the office, Claire says the word "gyno" in front of Kate and Nick several times. Seriously, why is she still working there? Anyway, Jenna is in Kate's office. "Really?" Kate asks, and scurries off to investigate. "If my urologist stops by, I'm in a meeting," Nick says, and then he scampers off himself.
In Kate's office, a command performance of The Tears of a Gyno. Jenna's wearing pink and her hair is curly, so you know she's in love. She's also crying, which is another sign. Apparently, Karl has up and disappeared, and she doesn't know what to do. Kate and her purple Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress and charmingly teased hair sit next to Jenna and ask what happened. Apparently, Karl was supposed to pick her up for Hawaii this morning and never showed. And guess who bought their tickets? Jenna. Wonder why he's not answering his cell? Kate's all, "You paid for the tickets? Wasn't this trip his idea?" It was, Jenna explains, but he forgot his credit card when they were at the travel agent's. Oh, dear. Girls. Don't ever trust a boy who drags you to a travel agent and then forces you to pay for his trip to scatter his dead wife's ashes, because the likelihood is that the wife died of embarrassment because her husband is a scam artist. Kate makes her "oh, shit" face, but assures Jenna that it's probably nothing. "Am I overreacting?" Jenna asks. Kate's like, not so much. She tells Jenna to try not to panic, and runs to get her a glass of water
So, In the kitchen, Kate's getting the water and she runs into Claire and Claire remembers something she forgot to tell her earlier: Karl's check bounced. Kate throws herself against the fridge in agony.
After the commercials, Kate and Nick meet with a potential client: Dina Meyer, all gussied up like a sex kitten and purring to boot. Nick, obviously, is smitten. Nick would, of course, be smitten by pretty much anything, but Dina is totally hot. Remember when she was sleeping with Brandon Walsh on 90210 and caused him all sorts of trouble? Those were some real good times. Anyway, blah blah blah, she wants to take her husband to the cleaners, or something. Really, her case is fairly boring: Dina -- here, her name is Lauren -- was "betrayed!" by her shitty husband, who cheated her out of their stake in the family sandal business. All you really need to know is that she's hot and also extremely brainy, and that Kate's happy to represent her.
Next, Kate pops into her office to talk to her PI, Ramon, who cracks me up. Also, he's hot, in a cheesy, satin-shirt-wearing, toothpick-chewing kinda way. He's been on the Karl case, and it turns out that both plane tickets to Hawaii were used, and the poor sad alleged widower checked into the hotel with a woman. And his credit is spotty at best. And he's lived all over the place, all cities where there are a lot of wealthy women. "A year ago, he bought a luxury condo in Brentwood and flipped it within a week," Roman tells her. Kate smirks that "God forbid he should miss out on the real estate boom." Ramon cocks a suggestive brow. "I bet getting that condo took a lot of boom boom, if you catch my drift," he tells her, looking hilariously pleased at his single entrendre. "I'm not sure I want to," Kate says politely, like she's refusing Parmesan on her Caesar salad. Ramon tells Kate his last bit of information: Karl had no dead wife. Kate purrs that she already guessed that. "Well, you're a smart lady," Ramon grins, with his best Joey Tribbiani "how you doing" expression. Heh. So Ramon turns to go, telling Kate that Karl will be back Thursday. "I'll be glad to be part of that welcome home committee," he offers, and Kate nods cheerfully. Hey, Kate? The PI is hot. Why don't you investigate getting you some of that?
Jerry's office. Kate lies on the sofa and wails that she can't believe Karl pulled the wool over her eyes. Kate, sweetie? Start doing background checks on your clients. All good yentas have a vetting process. "Why can't I be more like you?" she wails. "Hardened and cynical?" Jerry asks with a smile. "Dispassionate. Single-minded. A shark," Kate corrects him. Jerry thinks about this, and finally tells her that he thinks she could maybe become "a killer dolphin," but assures his daughter that her own style works for her. The shag carpeting in Jerry's office is awesome, by the way. Kate wonders if they could prosecute Karl. "Waste of time," Jerry tells her. The DA is too busy to help a single woman scammed out of two first-class tickets to Hawaii, he explains. Kate wails that Karl's been doing this to women for years. "If you feel so strongly about it, try the case yourself. Nail the love bandit for fraud. For inflicting emotional distress," Jerry suggests. "The Love Bandit?" Kate parrots. Jerry grins. "It has a nice ring to it," he says, and tells her that the worst thing that can happen is that she'll get laughed out of court. Kate is not comforted, and the situation only gets worse when Judy sweeps in, complaining about "the vomiting lesbian baby." Kate sighs and swears that she's working on the lesbians. Judy informs Kate that Kate knows nothing about the lesbian world. "There are many choices! There's butches, femmes, diesels, tomboys, your androgynous Glen or Glenda types, lipsticks. It's not one size fits all," she says. Kate swears again that the situation is under control. "I'm planning a ladies' night at the Sunset Lounge," she trills. At this, Judy looks thrilled, and Nick comes running in, drawn by the words "Ladies' Night." He wonders why he wasn't invited. "Because they're lesbians?" Kate says. "And the problem is?" Nick asks. The world rolls its collective eyes. Judy strokes Kate's hair. "You are such a beautiful girl. Why couldn't you be a lesbian? Unless there's something we don't know?" she asks, and both Kate and Judy look over at Jerry. "Honey?" he asks. Kate shrugs.