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What's the best way to bring all your characters together into one big, hot mess? Pool party! See, Jonah has always had this plan to throw the bitchinest pool party when he made his first screenplay sale, and that's just what he does at The Complex Pool. This is where we lay our scene tonight.
Amanda is still trying everything she can to find that damn painting. Pretty soon she's going to begin ordering from the ACME catalogue. Her plan tonight is to get everyone super drunk at Jonah's party in hopes she'll have an easier time mining for information about the painting's whereabouts. Hey, if you get me drunk for free, I'll tell you where you can find all sorts of paintings. Amanda's investigation turns up nothing, yet again, but she has a lead from David that Sydney gave one final painting to Auggie before her death. To make matters worse, someone is stealing money from WPK!
Ella finds that some of her recent accounts like Jasper Barnes and Jo Reynolds have thousands of dollars unaccounted for. There's no evidence against anyone besides Amanda and herself. That's ain't good. Ella overhears a conversation at the party between Amanda and Jo about Amanda's history of stealing money from her own companies. Jo extorts some charity money from Amanda there on the spot. Later, Amanda tries to straight-up accuse Ella of being the embezzler, but Ella stands up for herself. Amanda just leaves her with the vague ultimatum that she needs to "work hard to make amends." Is this going the Lauren route?
Speaking of Lauren, Dr. Mancini is still blackmailing her, but now he wants to get in on some of that sweet hooker sex in addition to breaking her and David up. Putting up with this and David's moping around, asking why she dumped him, prompts Lauren to say enough. In front of all of her friends at the party, she confesses her secret hooker double life in favor of having to sleep with Michael. David is disgusted, but it's mostly about Lauren's ability to lie to him for so long and so well. After freeing herself of Michael's blackmail, Lauren tries to declare her love for David, but it falls on mostly deaf ears. Everyone else is just like, "Damn... She was a hooker?"
Things between Riley and Drew begin to heat up. He invites her to go with him toy shopping for the pediatric ward and quickly woos her before they make it back to Jonah's party. There's obviously some unhealthy competition going on between Jonah and Riley as they enjoy their new playmates, which comes to a head after a heated beer pong match between Jonah and Drew. Jonah wins and gloats by making out with Ella in front of everyone. Riley and Drew leave to go make out in her apartment, but Jonah catches them when he unassumingly (and trespassingly) goes into Riley's apartment in search of a bottle opener. Later, Drew and Jonah try to talk it out, but end up brawling instead in The Complex Pool. How 1993 of them. Jonah apologizes to Riley the day, but Riley is all hard feelings after having to watch Jonah and Ella nest for the last couple weeks. For the first time ever, I agree with you, Riles. Kill me now.
-- Pablo G. is some guy who lives in San Antonio, Texas. Check him out at Space Monkeys!, Obscure Sports Reference, and follow him @PendejoJoe on Twitter.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!We begin tonight's episode with a haze covering The Complex Pool. No, there hasn't been another murder -- though, at this point that might be welcome. Jonah stands triumphantly behind the fog in a fedora and a t-shirt that reads "chinchillin'" with a chinchilla with sunglasses on it. Yup. Makes total sense Ella wants this guy. David comes out to see what the deal is and Jonah explains he has a state-of-the-art fog machine for this amazing party he plans to throw tonight in celebration of selling his screenplay. Wait... didn't they celebrate this that one night by getting drunk, sans Riley? Ella walks into the courtyard looking particularly... flat. I'm sure it's the cameraman's fault. Either way, Ella seems concerned Jonah is already blowing through his money, but Jonah's mind is made up. And we all know once Jonah makes up his mind, it's final. Really, Jonah's just excited about being able to throw an awesome party for his friends who believed in him all along. David asks Ella if Lauren has indicated any reason for their breakup. No luck.
Riley types away at her laptop in the Former Lovenest as Lauren comes up behind her to admire how hard she's working. Lauren has a day off so Riles wants to go shopping. Laur is in awe of how Riley has so much energy and can accomplish so much after what she's been through. Riles isn't hearing all that, she'd much rather find out some more about Lauren's break-up, but before Lauren can open her mouth, Drew shows up with a basket of Riley's forgotten laundry, embarrassingly including underwear. Lauren gets a call from Michael to go in for work, meaning she can't go shopping. Drew takes the fallen-through plans as an opportunity to ask Riley out toy shopping. That's the way to do it, Drew. Make them think you're a pedophile so they'll be pleasantly surprised when you're not one. You're not one, right? Drew says the toys are for the pediatric ward. Good cover story, Drew! Riles declines the invite. Damn! Drew puts on a guilt trip about probably buying lead toys without Riley's help. Lauren gives Riles a nod, urging her to accept the invite. She agrees. The pedophile fake-out tactic works yet again!
Hey, it's Jane! How ya been, Jane? She walks with Amanda into her penthouse. Amanda seems irritated by the visit and Jane seems offended by the lack of hospitality. Can't we all just get along, ladies? Amanda feels no obligation to be grateful for the apartment Jane scored her since she still had to give a security deposit and was only granted the penthouse on the condition she fire Ella. Wait, what?! Jane's apparently still quite pissed about Ella screwing her over at her big fashion opening. Amanda just says these things take time and basically kicks Jane out. "Not everyone can spend their day playing dress-up with mannequins." Burn.
WPK. Ella walks into the building and to her office while on the phone with someone who is obviously upset. It's Jasper Barnes and there is something wrong with his account. Ella looks down at her iMac to find there's been a billing mistake to the effect of $5,000 just as Amanda pokes her head in to find out what the problem is. She's already aware of the problem and all but accuses Ella of stealing the missing money, adding the threat of firing and jailing before leaving. Ella is freaked the fuck out.
ULA. Michael shows Lauren into his office and starts being creepy, old, horny guy. The surgery they just completed has him feeling all tense and he figures he knows a good way to let out the tension. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. He supposes Lauren still owes him since he didn't get what he paid for the night Lauren showed up at his hotel room all hookered out. Just as Michael is forcing the issue, he gets paged to do a bypass, but he makes it very clear he will call her when he gets out of the OR. "Plan on spending the night." Awkward.
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Drew and Riley are in... Mexico? There are mariachis and Mexican flags everywhere. Ohhh... flea market. Way to be a cheapskate for the dying kids, Drew. Riley asks about Drew cheering up Lauren the other night. She not-so-subtly asks if Drew has a thing for Lauren, but he figures co-worker plus neighbor equals no. Drew finds some Hispanic kid and shows off he knows Spanish by poorly asking him what his favorite toy is, then buying them all up. Jerk. He tosses the kid a tyrannosaurus rex toy he pulls out of nowhere. That's little comfort when you've bought up all the kid's favorites, asshole. Riley still seems impressed, but that's Riley.
Amanda's on the phone with her spy clone guy. Clone guy says Sydney's storage unit turned up nothing in his search for the missing painting. She looks out her window and sees Jonah organizing his party. A figurative light bulb forms over her head. She figures she'll use another tactic to get them talking. Woo! BEER PONG!
Photo shoot. Hey Jo is back, too! How ya been, Jo? She's shooting for W and makes it obnoxiously clear to Ella when she walks up during the shoot that she is not shooting for WPK. Ella says she just wants to make sure Jo was properly paid for her shoot of Riley. Yes, she was. Whew! Ella's fears allayed, she decides to throw in some bitch to respond to Jo's initial sass and asks about how Jo was able to swing $200,000 for that shoot. $200,000? Jo says she only made $20,000. Holy shit!
Coal. David is running his new restaurant's kitchen. He turns the corner to find that blonde IOU girl who appears to be stalking him. We find out her name is Morgan. She brings him a watch she stole from her dad, which David recognizes as a fairly expensive watch. She wants David to have it anyway. "When you took my mom's ring, I knew we were made for each other." This is some Swim Fan shit right here. David takes her aside to tell her he can't do this, but Morgan gets a bit blackmaily. She motions David's gaze over to her dad who is sitting in the restaurant. Morgan threatens to tell her dad all about David if she doesn't get what she wants.
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Jonah walks around his pool party creation, making sure everything's set up before it starts and admiring his work. He samples a few drinks when Ella walks in, takes one of the drinks and downs it. She makes it a point to tell Jonah she didn't text him on her way home because she has given up texting and driving. Good for you, Elle. She starts to tell Jonah about what's going on at work, but Jonah sort of just laughs it off as a conspiracy theory. Can you blame him? Boy's mind is on a pool party. Lauren walks into The Complex Courtyard in a daze. Ella hands her a drink. Lauren tries to vaguely relate her shitty Mancini problem, but Jonah and Ella just tell her she should just drink her nightmare away. Lauren seems uncharacteristically down for it. She's just going to change clothes and be back out, but as she walks off she locks eyes with David who is entering the courtyard with a few of his new Coal lackeys. He stops in his tracks and overcompensates with some straightening up of his clothes as she exits. David has some food samples which need to meet Jonah's approval. While that's going on and before Lauren can even get in her apartment, her phone rings and it's Michael. He wants her to meet him at the Waverly in the dress she had on the night he caught her hooking. Worst. Job. Ever.
Riley and Drew giggle over dinner. Drew takes the conversation on a serious route and asks about Riley and Jonah's break-up. He wants to know if Riley's ready to get back out there and play the game like Jonah has with Ella. Riley asks what she's playing for, with a devilish grin. I feel like Austin Powers should be telling her "Oh, behave" because: 1. It's a lame and dated reference, and 2. That's all this scene deserves.
The pool party is underway and it actually looks really fun. Amanda sidles up to the bar and tells the bartender to make every drink a triple. She'll make it worth her while, she says as she hands her a wad
of bills. Drew and Riley enter the commotion. Jonah greets them and seems a little bothered that they're together. Riley says she knew there would be a party but she didn't know it would be a blowout. Jonah gives his little speech about giving back to the people who believed in him. Ella walks up with smoking shots in test tubes for everyone. They all take a shot. Ella teases drew about a baby doll he has, asking who he knocked up. Drew not so modestly boasts about them being for the pediatric ward. Riley makes a bitchy comment about giving back and walks off. Jonah seems disturbed by this. I seem indifferent.
David drunkenly finds Lauren up on a balcony overlooking the pool. He starts in right away. "I know why you broke up with me." Lauren tries to cut him off, but he doesn't stop. "Just say it. I grew up in a trailer. I didn't go to a fancy college. I have a rap sheet, not a resume. I'm not good enough for you." Wow. David's quickly becoming quite the sympathetic character. Lauren says that's not why she had to break up with him and cops out behind the excuse he doesn't know who she really is and she's not good enough for him. As she says this, she spots Michael down by the pool, who locks eyes with her. She tells David she can't talk about this anymore and starts to leave. She turns back to say she's sorry.
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Lauren descends the courtyard stairs and goes straight to Michael. How does that make sense? Wouldn't David be watching her right now? Just as Lauren gets to Michael, Amanda taps him on the shoulder. He turns to her and Lauren scoots off unnoticed. Amanda asks how he heard about the party. Surely not on Twitter, she jabs. Pssh... Gowalla. Hel-looo. Mike thinks on his feet and says he was in the area and thought to check on Amanda and see how she's doing with the prescriptions he wrote her. All men think quicker on their feet when they're after a hooker. Just then Jane shows up to complain about the noise. Michael turns around and there's a spark between the two. Amanda suggest Jane have a mojito before trying to pull the plug on the party and leaves the two to talk.
Amanda finds Ella. Ella suddenly perks up and gets in WPK mode. Amanda tells her to relax since they're off the clock and suggests they have a drink together like Ella used to do with Sydney. Amanda asks about Sydney's painting. Ella is a dead end, but she suggests Amanda ask David. Amanda changes the subject to ask Ella about what's happening with the Jasper account. I thought they were off the clock. Ella takes this opportunity to come clean about all the missing money. She has no one she suspects, but still Amanda doesn't seem to suspect Ella anymore... How did that work? Amanda walks off angry at the fact her money is gone. Ella smiles, seemingly off the hook.
Riley plays beer pong with Drew. See? BEER PONG! Jonah walks in and challenges Drew. Drew doesn't want to, but Jonah talks enough shit in front of everyone that Drew has to. They go back and forth in a hotly contested game until Jonah beats Drew and gloats like a madman. He ends his celebration by grabbing Ella and planting a kiss on her with one eye open, watching Drew leave with Riley.
David drunkenly knocks on Lauren's apartment. He leans exhausted with one hand resting on her door. Lauren slowly creeps over to her door and puts her hand on the exact same spot on her side of the door. We're made very aware of this mirrored hand placement. Just then Morgan shows up out of nowhere, happy to see David. David's not happy to see her. He loudly acts surprised to see her and leads her away from Lauren's door to his apartment.
Jonah stumbles around the pool and runs into his nerdy buddy who is excited to have talked to a really hot girl who asked for a bottle opener. He really needs that bottle opener. Drunk Jonah says he has one, but it's in Riley's apartment. Hey... where has Jonah been staying this whole time? With Ella and Lauren? Still with David? Jonah stumbles into the darkness of Riley's apartment and goes straight to the kitchen. He hears a noise. Uh oh. He creeps down the hallway to find Riley sitting in Drew's lap at the dining table, the two of them making out. Drew notices Jonah and stops. They all stare at each other.
Commercials and... public service announcement with Katie Cassidy and Michael Rady about not texting while driving. So that's what that was all about. No jokes here. I support this.
Jonah skulks about the party sipping from his straw. Ella finds him and notices he's upset. He tells her exactly why he's upset. He's most upset about how quickly Drew moved in on Riley. Ella's like, "Hello? [Do you remember how quickly you sought my vag?]" Jo walks into the party and Ella asks in spectacularly drunken fashion to no one in particular, "Did someone think this party wasn't bossy and overbearing enough?"
In David's apartment, he and Morgan look at Sydney's painting. Morgan wants to get it on, but David stops her. He wants to put a stop to any notion they could be Mr. and Mrs. Smith. He tries to convince her he's boring now, but Morgan isn't buying it. She knows he'll never give up the thrill of stealing. She kisses him as Amanda walks in and asks if she's interrupting. David says Morgan was just leaving. Morgan obliges to the imposed exit. Amanda starts accusing David of stealing paintings, but David stands his ground. Amanda asks David about Sydney's paintings. David says there's just the one he has and one she gave Auggie before she died. Oh, yeah... that guy. Amanda leaves gladly.
Jane and Michael are drunk upstairs in the courtyard, reminiscing. Michael suggests sex to relive the past. Jane suggests not. Jo pops up and they have a little time warp reunion moment. Then Amanda pops in. She makes a lame joke about doing it again in ten years and scoots off, disinterestedly. Jo follows her to begin accusing her of bleeding her own company dry and wants a donation to keep quiet about it. Ella overhears from behind a pillar. Behind a pillar? Really?
Drew finds Jonah still simmering about what he saw. Drew: "Diagnosis: awkward." Jonah plays it off by saying he's with Ella now. Drew laughs it off and is glad they can be best buds about all this now and he can go back to trying to bang Riley. Then Drew makes a joke about not having to get a deadbolt now for Riley's door. Jonah gets ticked off because his name is still on that lease and he doesn't think Drew should be telling him what he can and can't do, ie. entering Riley's apartment unannounced. Drew makes it clear Jonah can't do whatever he wants regarding Riley anymore because she's no longer his girlfriend. Jonah shoots back with the assertion Drew is just desperate, showing up and flirting with every girl at the apartments until he landed one. A shoving match starts and, finally -- 16 episodes in -- somebody gets thrown into the pool without it involving a murder. Jonah and Drew slug it out in the pool and for some reason the rest of the partygoers decide to jump in as well, instead of watching the fight. Dramatic pool fights just aren't what they used to be.
Scene of the night. Lauren sits in her apartment alone, crying. Her phone rings and it's Michael. He's outside her front door. Lauren tells Michael he needs to stop calling. Michael's still playing the blackmail game. He threatens to tell Lauren's friends about her slutccupation if she doesn't give him what he wants. Lauren hangs up the phone and opens her door to tell him to leave her alone. Lauren ignores Michael's continued threats as she spots all her friends by the pool helping Jonah out. She turns to Michael, "The compromises I made in my personal life, I made to protect the one thing that mattered to me and that was my medical career." Michael says this will be good for her career. She walks off toward her friends. He tells her not to walk away from him. "Watch me." Lauren goes up to everyone and says there's something she needs to tell them. Michael watches from afar. Ella asks if maybe Lauren has had too much to drink, but Lauren says this isn't a drunk confession she'll f
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orget. As random tears cascade down her face: "I lied to you. All of you. [To David] And I know I hurt you. [Back to everyone] Six months ago I fell behind in my tuition payments and I had to come up with money fast or my dream of becoming a doctor was going to be over. So I did something I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life. I had sex for money... I was a prostitute." The whole thing plays out half after-school special drivel, half oh shit. Everyone looks on in stunned silence until David just walks past Lauren.
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morning. Ella and Jonah stir awake together in Ella's bed, hung over. Jonah asks Ella, "Dream or reality: I heard Dr. Lauren Yung declare herself a prostitute." Ella: "It's not a dream. It's a nightmare." Jonah asks if he really tackled Drew into the pool. "Normally I find a brawl between two red-blooded boys kinda sexy, but when it's over your ex-fiancée -- not so much." Jonah sits up and apologizes. Ella just says he better be sure he's over this. Jonah says he is and tries to kiss her with his tequila breath. Ella's not having it. Her phone goes off with a text from Amanda, summoning her to work on a Saturday.
David plays with his food at Coal. Lauren shows up and tries to apologize. David: "How many times did you look me in the eye and lie? And the scary thing is how good you were." Lauren says she didn't want to get involved with David, but she couldn't help it because she's never felt this way about anyone before. David doesn't know how he's supposed to believe anything she says anymore. Lauren tells him she loves him, which she's supposedly never told anyone before. David is seemingly unmoved. Lauren gets up and leaves him alone. It's the ones we love who hurt us the most. This holds especially true for prostitutes.
Riley is getting dressed to go for a run while on the phone with Lauren's voicemail. "Remember, I know what it feels like to have your whole world drop out from under you. I'm your best friend, Lauren. I'll always be here. Call me back." How great would it have been if Riley had punctuated that message by playfully calling her best friend "hooker" at the end? "Call me back, hooker!"
Jonah steps out into The Complex Courtyard with a single trash bag and looks at all the trash left in the wake of the party. Riley enters the scene on her way for her run. She asks what Jonah was thinking going into her apartment last night. He apologizes for how he acted. "You and Ella have been nesting like lovebirds in this courtyard ever since the night we called off our wedding. Do you think that's been easy for me?" She walks out.
At ULA, Drew uses a keycard to enter the morgue. He uncovers a cadaver and pulls out a scalpel. He begins to cut... Is Drew a black market organ dealer, too?! Come on, now.
WoodwardPK. Ella cheerfully enters Amanda's office. Amanda immediately accuses her of being the embezzler, but Ella reveals she overheard Amanda and Jo's conversation and knows Amanda's setting her up. With the amount of money missing, Ella is facing serious jail-time, even for a first offense. In the face of Ella's accidental sleuthing, all Amanda says is Ella will need to work hard to make amends. Weak. Super, duper weak.
-- Pablo G. is some guy who lives in San Antonio, Texas. Check him out at Space Monkeys!, Obscure Sports Reference, and follow him @PendejoJoe on Twitter.
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