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This is it. The moment of truth for this show. Can they make good on what they've been building on all season and give us some hope in the Second-Coming of Amanda Woodward Era?
First things first, let's wrap up that pesky murder mystery thing. It's quickly established that Vanessa was the mastermind behind all of this when she goes to speak to Michael in prison. He uses his one phone call to get in touch with David to warn him that he anticipates Vanessa will whisk David's little brother out of the country before the police can determine through forensics she's the real murderer. David grudgingly obliges his father's request to kidnap Noah again if it means his safety. Vanessa hunts Noah down at Violet's apartment, where she is watching over David's brother for him, and the two end up fighting when Violet refuses Vanessa entrance to claim her son. The fight spills over into the swimming pool, where Violet drowns Vanessa. That pool really is a deathtrap. Amanda shows up just in time to witness this and vouch for Violet when the police arrive. Can you say: "Indebted?"
Violet was watching Noah because David had to rush Lauren to the emergency room. The life of a hooker finally caught up to Dr. Whore, albeit through no fault of her own. One of her johns slips her some drugs pre-sexing when she refuses to take them voluntarily, and she overdoses. Lauren is so bad at this. She gets all of the baggage of prostitution without any of the fun. time just do the drugs willingly, Laur.
Now, let's get into the complex love pentagon of Jonah/Riley/Ella/Auggie/Violet. Because Riley starts fretting over wedding planning and the machinations of her mother, Jonah gets the bright idea they should elope to Vegas. Riley's about as keen on that idea as she's been about anything relating to their engagement, but she pretends to be down for it. Jonah picks up on this hesitation using his woman's intuition when Ella lands Jonah an opportunity to pitch his movie, which actually finally gets bought (for real this time), and Riley readily offers to postpone the eloping so he can focus on that. Jonah straight dumps Riley! She's left to just sort of sulk until Auggie finds out and tries to swoop in. Riley's surprisingly not having that. She sends Auggie back to the bottle for comfort, but not before Violet spies him laying a kiss on Riles. Violet symbolically burns her crayon drawings of Auggie. So, no Riley for Auggie and no Auggie for Violet, but wait! Jonah wanders into the waiting arms of Ella. They make love and it's as awkward as we all thought it would be. But the drama. The drama!
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Pablo G. is some guy who lives in San Antonio, Texas. Check him out at Space Monkeys!, Obscure Sports Reference, and follow him @PendejoJoe on Twitter.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Opening montage for tonight includes: Jonah and Riley making love, Lauren playfully chasing David through the Complex Courtyard after coming back from a run, and Auggie and Violet rough sexing
Out on The Love Nest Balcony, Riley looks over a wedding invitation. Turns out it's just a sample from Riley's mother detailing a bigger wedding than Riley wants. It's just the latest in a series of meddling by Mother Riles. Jonah gets a gleam in his eye and a terrible idea in his head. He wants Riley to stand up to her mom. Getting eloped in Vegas tonight is the idea. Riley's down, so they agree to go through with it tonight. They kiss and Jonah lifts Riley up, spinning her around through the air.
Ella wearily wakes herself up with a cup of coffee in her kitchen. Girl looks a mess. Lauren walks in and notices Ella is uncharacteristically disheveled. She ventures to guess this is all about Jonah, who has not returned Ella's calls since their little breakup. Lauren asks what the deal is with Jonah anyway. Jonah's the only one who understands her, Ella says. She can be herself around him. But he's engaged, Lauren points out. Ella scoffs at the idea that she could be romantically interested in Jonah. She attributes the notion to Lauren's skanky imagination and walks off. L's phone rings. It's Rick the John. Initially, Lauren thinks Rick is still trying to talk her into a relationship, but Rick is past that now and is just looking for some "daytime fun." Lauren arranges to meet at a hotel.
Stuck in New York traffic, Amanda sits impatiently in the back of a cab. After chiding the cab driver, she pulls out a floor plan for The Entire Complex labeled with names of all our favorite tenants. FLASHBACK (it's been a while) Amanda walks into a church dressed like some sort of hooker monk and sits in a pew behind Sydney. She comes out and accuses Sydney of stealing a painting from her worth $19 million. Syd's mad that Amanda slept with Michael, but Amanda points out he's married and the two of them were nothing but diversions for him anyway. The issue here is Amanda and Sydney were business partners, not friends, and they had an arrangement. Amanda gets her the paintings and Sydney moves them. "Don't you ever get tired of falsely accusing people?" Sydney asks, "Even the Lord rested on the seventh day." How... biblical. Amanda leaves by saying she will do whatever it takes to get her painting back. END FLASHBACK
MARCO... TILE CARD... POLO!
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Love Nest. Jonah sits at his computer looking up wedding chapels online. Ella shows up behind him and surrenders with a gesture of tossing him a white Ungaro because she doesn't have a white flag. She asks how long Jonah's going to hate her. Jonah's sorry he's inconvenienced her. Ella admits Jonah makes her feel like she doesn't have to be the unflappable bitch we all know and love when she's around him. We know, Ella, that's what we're worried about if you were to ever get your wish and end up with him. Jonah's not hearing Ella's underlying message here and instead opts to be a sarcastic douche. "I'm so happy I can help boost your self-esteem." Ass. Ella has to resort to business to get her man back. She will be working the press tour for producer Curtis Heller's new movie and figures she can get Jonah some time to try and pitch his movie. Jonah seems excited about this prospect so Ella grabs his phone and self-accepts an invitation for Loopt -- a GPS app -- so he'll know exactly where Ella and Curtis are later when she needs Jonah to swoop in with his pitch. Jonah makes it clear to Ella this all needs to happen before 4 o'clock. What could be more important than following through on your dream, Jonah? Why, stomping on your dream of love, Ella. Jonah tells her he and Riley are eloping. Ella tries to hide the shock with a smile and stumbles over some well-wishes. They hug. "I'm really happy for you. Just promise me one thing. You have to get married by Elvis." Ella walks out quickly.
Prison. Michael talks to Vanessa behind glass. This is all rather confusing because Vanessa insists on conversing with Michael by pretty much ignoring his accusations and asserting her own in a way that pretty much ignores Michael's half of the conversation. Michael commends Vanessa on how good an actress she apparently is. I can't do the same. Based on what we know, we can assume Michael must be the one telling the truth here. He says he saw Vanessa running from Sydney's apartment the night of her murder and saw the bloody necklace on the ground. He stashed it in hopes of protecting his family. It would be terribly traumatic for Noah to have his mother taken away. I guess? I think it would be more traumatic to live with a psychopathic murderer. Vanessa wants a divorce from Michael. "You don't just need a lawyer. You need a psychiatrist. Goodbye Michael." That's a terrible exit, Vanessa. Would you like to try that again?
Auggie cooks alone at home. There's a knock at the door. Riley timidly enters. "Thought this apartment was a Riley-free zone," Auggie calls to her. Riley wants to apologize for that whole "calling the police and getting you arrested for murder" thing. Apology accepted. Auggie invites Riley for a run later in the day and now it's her turn to admit to her admirer that she's eloping. Auggie's reaction is more devil's advocate than Ella's was. He asks her if she's sure about this since it seemed the last time they spoke that Riley hadn't made up her mind on this whole engagement thing. Riles gets pissed that Auggie is trying to make her think (the bastard) and can't just be happy for her. She storms out.
David's phone rings. It's Michael calling from prison with his one phone call. There's desperation in his voice, but David casually brushes off the urgency. That is, until Michael brings up his little brother. Michael thinks Vanessa is going to take Noah and leave the country before they can pin forensic evidence from the bloody necklace on her. Michael asks David to go get Noah from school. David's face is petrified with conflict.
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Lauren is primping in the mirror of a hotel room when Rick walks in. He cavalierly leans in for a kiss. Lauren refuses. Rick laughs to himself that Lauren has apparently "gone pro." That's news to us. She's fairly amateurish from what we've seen except for that time she danced. They sit together on a couch and Rick asks if Lauren would like a treat. She's a whore, not a dog, Rick. She doesn't deserve a treat. Rick pulls out a little baggie of pills called "Nexus." He offers some to Lauren, who once again refuses because she doesn't "do the drug thing". She apparently gets stomach cramps from just taking aspirin. And not only does she refuse the drugs, she also tells him he should be careful because he doesn't know how his body might react. OFFICIAL NOTICE: Lauren is the lamest hooker ever. Rick seems to agree and he snaps at Lauren to cut the doctor act. Almost as quickly as his temper flared, he goes back to being cool guy and asks Lauren if she'd like to share some of the champagne. Lauren says sure, but she just wants to get down to business. She walks over to the bed and starts taking off her clothes while Rick grabs their drinks.
Love Nest. Jonah is finishing up his packing for the big wedding trip. He's flapping around like a hummingbird. He's stressing out because he's obviously thought of everything (including his lucky penny in case they go gambling), while Riley coolly washes dishes. Jonah stops for a second and realizes Riley hasn't even started packing. Oh, here we go... Jonah asks if she's waffling. Riles is all denials. Jonah thinks maybe this is all about them spurning their parents so he offers to call their parents for an invite, but Riley says that's out of the question. Riley feigns enthusiasm, they kiss, and a text from Ella on Loopt comes through. It saying she's at a hotel on San Vicente with Curtis Heller right this minute. Thanks, Loopt! Jonah and Riley
kiss before Jonah takes off for his big pitch.
On the roof of the hotel by a large swimming pool, Ella's doing her thing with Curtis. He's just finished up an interview and they've got some dead time before the one. Ella already has Curtis squared away with his favorite drink and hopes she can offer him some free entertainment. This offer startles Curtis like he's had a bad experience before with an attractive blonde who offered to entertain him for free. Oh, the blood... The blood. Ella clarifies this is about a pitch from a hot, up-and-coming director, but Curtis isn't interested in anything that isn't coming through his agent. Ella slyly mentions she just thought it would be good for Curtis since this guy is already on a pitch and will be meeting with producers Scott Rudin and Harvey Weinstein tomorrow. These name drops catch Curtis' attention and he's now willing to meet Jonah. Perfect! Jonah's right over there! Ella walks Curtis over to Jonah AKA "the new Spike Jonze." They sit on some couches and Jonah begins his pitch awkwardly using notecards. After a rough start, Ella yanks the cards away from him. Curtis is already impatient as Ella whispers to Jonah to just tell it to Curtis like he told it to her. Jonah seems to take this direction well and starts over enthusiastically, but Curtis still isn't impressed and doesn't make an effort to hide it.
Rick rolls off of Lauren exhausted. No, no Rickroll jokes here. Lauren looks uncomfortable and asks if something's wrong with the temperature in the room or something. Rick is too wrapped up in his own douchey ecstasy. She's having a reaction like she's been drugged. She tries to stagger over to the restroom to splash water on her face but everything is all blurry. She collapses to her knees.
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Rickroll is now up and getting dressed. He admits brazenly that he slipped some of that Nexus in Lauren's drink. Lauren looks utterly terrible. All sweaty and pale. Rickroll does the stand-up thing when you drug a hooker against her will and she has a bad reaction, which is: offer to call a doctor. No irony lost here that Lauren wants to be a doctor. Lauren tells him to just go. Close-up on her to really hammer home she's a mess.
David walks to his apartment with Noah who is all excited to be with his big brother. This scene lasts all of one minute, but it's really adorable and sad at the same time how blissfully oblivious Noah is. David will be taking him to San Diego to escape Vanessa.
Lauren lies on the hotel room floor as the room spins. We can hear a muffled and echoed phone ringing. She's Ellen Burstyn in Requiem For A Dream. Laur musters up the energy to find her phone and answer it. It's David on the other end, calling to cancel their dinner plans. Lauren sobs for help. She's barely able to give David her location. David hangs up to rush over.
Jonah and Ella laugh about how badly the pitch went. They walk together arms locked, recounting how it all went down. Ella's got an idea of how they can get over this bump in the road and some damn awesome black boots. Yum. She tells Jonah what they need is Kill Bill Volumes 1 and 2 at the New Beverly. Jonah reminds her he has to go get married. Ella laughs it off again and just tells Jonah to make sure Riley gets to see fireworks on her wedding night. The elevator door closes on them and we see Jonah smiling to himself in the metallic reflection.
Violet is finishing up a portrait of Auggie's face with crayons (seriously), which isn't creepy at all, when there's a knock at the door. It's David. He asks Violet to watch Noah for him because...well, she's the only one home. Haha...Wow. Noah recognizes Violet from when she tried to be Michael's nanny, but Violet plays it off by asking Noah to go play with her crayons. David asks Violet not to let Vanessa find Noah because she wants to run off with him. Violet's curious why. Quite bluntly, David answers: "I think that she killed your mom. I'm really sorry [OKbye!]"
Vanessa enters The Complex Courtyard, calling out for Noah. She looks at her reflection in the swimming pool. FLASHBACK. Sydney answers her door to find Vanessa. "You bitch," Vanessa says. Sydney's reply? "Ah, sweetheart, I did you a favor. Don't you want to know your husband is a lying, cheating pig?" Sydney goes for the sure cut that Michael wouldn't have come to Syd if Vanessa had been able to keep him satisfied. Vanessa spots David asleep in Sydney's bed. She turns to Sydney. "David? You really are a whore." Syd says David gets chatty when he gets drunk. According to David, five years ago he and Vanessa slept together. Syd asks, "By the way, isn't Noah five?" Oh snap! Vanessa shoves Sydney back and her drink flies. They struggle and Vanessa grabs a knife. Vanessa's able to stab Sydney in the chest. Sydney grabs a shoe and hits Vanessa in the face with it to knock her off from on top of her. Syd stumbles out of the apartment and down the stairs. She reaches to her wound up around her collarbone, and in the process accidentally rips off the infamous necklace, which falls to the ground. Syd struggles all the way down to the swimming pool. Vanessa appears behind her and stabs her in the back, sending Syd into her watery grave. Vanessa goes back inside and smears blood on David's wrist and places the knife in his hand. END FLASHBACK. Vanessa begins to walk off but hears Noah's laughter in the distance.
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Jonah and Riley are stopped to put gas in the car when Ella tracks them down using Loopt to let them know Heller wants to buy Jonah's movie. They all cheer and hug about it. Only problem is the pitch needs to be on Thursday. This is Riley's chance she's been waiting for all episode to get out of having to get married tonight since Jonah would need to focus on putting together his pitch. Jonah's certain he can stay the course with the eloping thing and still be fine. Ella excuses herself because she gets a text saying Amanda is on her way back to town and she needs to get ready for it. Jonah turns to Riley to ask what her deal is. Is it her mom? No, it's Riley, Jonah. She's afraid because her life isn't figured out. She's unemployed and non-committal about everything. Jonah straight-up dumps her. "No more wedding. No more us." You could've saved us a lot of time, Jonah. A lot.David busts into Lauren's hotel room. She's passed out now on the floor. David calls 911.
Back at The Complex Pool, Vanessa's tracking Noah's voice. She finds herself at Violet's door. When Violet answers, Vanessa recognizes her from when she was applying to be Noah's nanny. She asks if Violet has seen David or Noah. Violet denies seeing anyone. Vanessa tries to push past her into the apartment, but Violet isn't budging. She asks if Vanessa will kill her like she killed her mom. FLASHBACK. Sydney shows up at Violet's apartment to apologize for spurning her and tearfully asks if she can get to know her. They hug on it. END FLASHBACK. Vanessa tries one more time to get past Violet, but to no avail. Vanessa pulls a gun from her purse and Violet instinctively tackles Vanessa into the pool. They struggle underwater. Violet manages to get the upper-hand and hold Vanessa underwater until she drowns just as Amanda walks into the courtyard and sees the whole thing. Violet drags herself out of the pool, visibly freaked out by what she's just done. Amanda goes straight to kneeling by Violet's side to hold her. Violet stares straight ahead in shock. "She killed my mom" Best scene for AS-W by far.
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Police walk by The Complex Pool with a stretcher. Detective Rodriguez stands to Violet who sits in a daze with a blanket over her shoulders. Why do traumatized witnesses always need blankets? Rod questions Violet, who can barely answer back. Amanda steps in and clears the air about what happened, stating Vanessa was at fault and Violet was simply defending herself. Violet tries to thank Amanda who just brushes off Violet's graciousness with a bit of a hint that Violet will repay her for it one day. Amanda Woodward: Good Samar
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itan.
At the ULA Emergency Room, Lauren is being rushed in on a stretcher followed by David. Doctors do their frantic medi-speak. David just wants to know what's wrong with her. Her attending doctor turns to him and says it looks like an overdose. Overdose!? She must've taken too much aspirin.
Back at the scene of Vanessa's death, Riley looks on as EMTs and police work the circus. Auggie calls to her suddenly and startles her. Why isn't she in Vegas? Riley says the wedding is off. Auggie goes to console her as she wonders how she was able to string Jonah along for so long. Maybe this is for the best, Auggie offers. Riley's face changes to disdain at this bit of unsolicited truth. She makes it clear to Auggie this isn't for the best. It's not getting through to Auggie, though, so he leans in and kisses Riley. Violet sees this from a distance and walks away in disgust. Riley pushes Auggie away and tells him he needs to leave.
At some sort of convention staging area, Ella sets up some posters as Jonah walks in looking quite dejected. How did he find her, she asks. Loopt to the rescue again! Tonight's sponsor is Loopt, by the way. Not really, but... yeah. Ella comments on how shitty Jonah looks. He looks normal to me. Jonah spills to Ella that he just dumped Riley. Ella rushes over to sit to him on the couch to be his shoulder to cry on. "Don't let Riley's flip flop take away from the fact you accomplished your dream today." Jonah has a "You know? You're right!" moment. This should be the greatest night of his life and he should be sharing it with someone who believes in him. Somebody who he can look in the eye and not see a shred of doubt or hesitation. He starts to lean in for a kiss and Ella tells him to wait. He tells her to give in to it and kisses her. Let the awkward mismatch begin!
Violet burns her crayon painting of Auggie's face on the poolside fireplace. Wait... Poolside fireplace?? Amanda watches the ritual burning from her penthouse window while talking on the phone yet again about the painting she seeks. Kind of makes you wonder who she's keeping in the loop on this whole thing. Kind of. But not really.
In montage: Tortured with the decision to throw it all away, Auggie sits on his apartment floor staring at a bottle of tequila. He takes a shot straight from the bottle.
David stands vigilantly by Lauren's ER bed. He's contemplating what effect this will have on Lauren's medical career, I'm sure.
Riley watches home videos of her and Jonah with tears streaming down her face. No sympathy here. End montage.
Standing together in their underwear, Jonah gropes Ella clumsily from behind. Ella stops him to say she doesn't want to just be a one-night stand. She makes sure he knows she's serious. She seems so vulnerable here while Jonah really just seems like a horny geek. She asks if he's sure. If he's not sure, I'm sure, Elle. Jonah leads her to the big, white bed for some more clumsy making out. They lie down together.
What to look forward to when Melrose Place returns:
Jonah and Ella sexing in a Mini Cooper (?)
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Riley drawing Amanda's ire
New doctor guy at ULA who doesn't impress Michael
Man boobs
Splendid.
-- Pablo G. is some guy who lives in San Antonio, Texas. Check him out at Space Monkeys!, Obscure Sports Reference, and follow him @PendejoJoe on Twitter.
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