By Pablo G
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.This is it. The moment of truth for this show. Can they make good on what they've been building on all season and give us some hope in the Second-Coming of Amanda Woodward Era?
First things first, let's wrap up that pesky murder mystery thing. It's quickly established that Vanessa was the mastermind behind all of this when she goes to speak to Michael in prison. He uses his one phone call to get in touch with David to warn him that he anticipates Vanessa will whisk David's little brother out of the country before the police can determine through forensics she's the real murderer. David grudgingly obliges his father's request to kidnap Noah again if it means his safety. Vanessa hunts Noah down at Violet's apartment, where she is watching over David's brother for him, and the two end up fighting when Violet refuses Vanessa entrance to claim her son. The fight spills over into the swimming pool, where Violet drowns Vanessa. That pool really is a deathtrap. Amanda shows up just in time to witness this and vouch for Violet when the police arrive. Can you say: "Indebted?"
Violet was watching Noah because David had to rush Lauren to the emergency room. The life of a hooker finally caught up to Dr. Whore, albeit through no fault of her own. One of her johns slips her some drugs pre-sexing when she refuses to take them voluntarily, and she overdoses. Lauren is so bad at this. She gets all of the baggage of prostitution without any of the fun. time just do the drugs willingly, Laur.
Now, let's get into the complex love pentagon of Jonah/Riley/Ella/Auggie/Violet. Because Riley starts fretting over wedding planning and the machinations of her mother, Jonah gets the bright idea they should elope to Vegas. Riley's about as keen on that idea as she's been about anything relating to their engagement, but she pretends to be down for it. Jonah picks up on this hesitation using his woman's intuition when Ella lands Jonah an opportunity to pitch his movie, which actually finally gets bought (for real this time), and Riley readily offers to postpone the eloping so he can focus on that. Jonah straight dumps Riley! She's left to just sort of sulk until Auggie finds out and tries to swoop in. Riley's surprisingly not having that. She sends Auggie back to the bottle for comfort, but not before Violet spies him laying a kiss on Riles. Violet symbolically burns her crayon drawings of Auggie. So, no Riley for Auggie and no Auggie for Violet, but wait! Jonah wanders into the waiting arms of Ella. They make love and it's as awkward as we all thought it would be. But the drama. The drama!
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Pablo G. is some guy who lives in San Antonio, Texas. Check him out at Space Monkeys!, Obscure Sports Reference, and follow him @PendejoJoe on Twitter.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Opening montage for tonight includes: Jonah and Riley making love, Lauren playfully chasing David through the Complex Courtyard after coming back from a run, and Auggie and Violet rough sexing
Out on The Love Nest Balcony, Riley looks over a wedding invitation. Turns out it's just a sample from Riley's mother detailing a bigger wedding than Riley wants. It's just the latest in a series of meddling by Mother Riles. Jonah gets a gleam in his eye and a terrible idea in his head. He wants Riley to stand up to her mom. Getting eloped in Vegas tonight is the idea. Riley's down, so they agree to go through with it tonight. They kiss and Jonah lifts Riley up, spinning her around through the air.
Ella wearily wakes herself up with a cup of coffee in her kitchen. Girl looks a mess. Lauren walks in and notices Ella is uncharacteristically disheveled. She ventures to guess this is all about Jonah, who has not returned Ella's calls since their little breakup. Lauren asks what the deal is with Jonah anyway. Jonah's the only one who understands her, Ella says. She can be herself around him. But he's engaged, Lauren points out. Ella scoffs at the idea that she could be romantically interested in Jonah. She attributes the notion to Lauren's skanky imagination and walks off. L's phone rings. It's Rick the John. Initially, Lauren thinks Rick is still trying to talk her into a relationship, but Rick is past that now and is just looking for some "daytime fun." Lauren arranges to meet at a hotel.
Stuck in New York traffic, Amanda sits impatiently in the back of a cab. After chiding the cab driver, she pulls out a floor plan for The Entire Complex labeled with names of all our favorite tenants. FLASHBACK (it's been a while) Amanda walks into a church dressed like some sort of hooker monk and sits in a pew behind Sydney. She comes out and accuses Sydney of stealing a painting from her worth $19 million. Syd's mad that Amanda slept with Michael, but Amanda points out he's married and the two of them were nothing but diversions for him anyway. The issue here is Amanda and Sydney were business partners, not friends, and they had an arrangement. Amanda gets her the paintings and Sydney moves them. "Don't you ever get tired of falsely accusing people?" Sydney asks, "Even the Lord rested on the seventh day." How... biblical. Amanda leaves by saying she will do whatever it takes to get her painting back. END FLASHBACK
MARCO... TILE CARD... POLO!
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