Episode Report Card Pablo G: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Red Herrings and Red Hair
By Pablo G | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.15.2009
gets up to leave almost immediately, but Rick tries to convince her to stay the night. She says she can't, and he starts talking about feelings and a connection. What a hooker virgin. He offers to date her legitimately. Lauren responds coldly that she was simply acting. She pretended the whole night that she liked the things he liked. "I want my money. I want to go home." That's piss-poor customer service, Lauren.At Coal, Auggie is met by Detectives. They come in aggressive, saying they're aware he stabbed a man to death the night his girlfriend died. Auggie points out it was in self-defense and even the courts agreed, but Detective Rodriguez insists witnesses felt he had intent to kill. The detectives give Auggie one last chance to tell them if he saw Sydney the night of her death. FLASHBACK. Sydney is doing coke as Auggie walks into her apartment. Apparently David had already passed out at that point. She's uncooperative with Auggie's attempts to help her, citing that he'd ignored her for months. She has decided that sobriety is a joke for her and for him. When Auggie refuses to give her back her vial, she picks up a knife. She provokes him by accusing him of being responsible for the death of his girlfriend. There's a struggle in which Sydney gives Auggie the gash on his shoulder we saw at the beginning of the episode. Finally, he lunges at her. END FLASHBACK. Auggie tells the detectives he never saw her that night and he'd never do anything to hurt her. OK, it's official. Auggie didn't do it. There's no way they'd make it this easy. Who's next?
COMMERCIALS
Ella enters Caleb's office. He reminds her that it is Monday and she is empty-handed. Before Ella can transform into one of her survival modes, he informs her that he has signed Jasper Barnes. As an additional slight, he advises Ella to recalibrate her gaydar. Wow. If that hound dog is gay, maybe I'm gay. Also, Caleb's use of the word "sweetheart" tips off Ella that he is also gay. Ella is confused, as am I, but her confusion stems from Jasper hitting on her despite his preference. Caleb points out that Jasper is into anyone or anything that can advance his career, and insisted Ella be his point person. Jasper felt Ella was ballsy. She couldn't agree more as she takes the cigar Caleb is lighting right out of his mouth and takes a prideful whiff.
At The Love Nest, Jonah is finishing up editing an 11-year-old's birthday party video, and let me tell you, the cheesy graphic of the kid holding duel Nerf pistols is more fulfilling for me than anything that has happened thus far in this episode. But, hey, we've still got like five minutes to go. *Fingers crossed.* Riley walks into the room and Jonah asks her how mad she still is at him. She jokes that her anger goes beyond 10 on a scale of 1 to 10. Jonah can't take the tension anymore and goes into a practically prepared speech about how he admires what a caring person Riley is and how she's always there for her friends. It's why he fell in love with her. Dialing down opposite sex friendships is Riley's suggestion. "That's just stupid, Riley. I want my ring back," is what Johan should say here, but he goes the polite route, saying that since they will be spending eternity together, they should probably learn to trust each other. They agree to start over with a clean jealousy slate. Jonah is the first to mark the slate when he admits he's always been jealous that Riley is Auggie's running partner, but Jonah's a geek, remember? He'd only run if someone was chasing him, Riley jokes, but she points out she can chase him. Jonah gets mushy and tells her she's already got him. Aww. Cheesy smooch. What the fuck is this? Have none of the writers of this show ever been in a relationship? Where's the three days of silent treatment? The passive-aggressive jabs? OK, from now on we have to agree that Riley and Jonah aren't actually in a relationship because this is just not how a relationship is. OK? OK.
POOL PARTY! Everyone's having a good time at The Complex Pool. There's barbeque and swimming. Ella turns to Lauren in the pool and suggests she call up her boyfriend to come enjoy the fun. Riley, Jonah and David walk up just in time to hear this and Riley asks for the 411. David fills them in that Lauren has been seeing someone on the down low. Riley assumes it's Toby. Lauren says it isn't and quickly changes the subject to Ella's job situation. Ella tells the condensed version of it and strikes a chord with Lauren when she jokes that she did it without having to whore herself out. And there's a valuable life lesson here. Don't be so liberal with words like "whore" and "hooker." You never know when one of your good friends is secretly a high-priced prostitute. The more you know -- Doo do do dooooooo. Ella invites Jonah to coffee to talk some semi-business. His response gets caught in his throat when he realizes he should probably look over to Riley for approval. She looks back at him with a look that says, "We're at the end of our story arc, sweetie, go for it." However, Jonah opts to decline anyway and says he'll be taking Riley out instead. Violet walks into the scene. When she says she likes the pool water, Jonah wisecracks that Sydney did, too. Realizing he just put his foot in his mouth, he tries to smooth it over by asking Violet if she had a chance to get to know Sydney. FLASHBACK. Violet is standing face-to-face with Sydney. Sydney is claiming there must be some mistake. A mistake about what? What is this about? Can't two attractive redheads come to an understanding? Violet hired a detective to track Sydney down for some reason. Sydney insists Violet got duped by some scam artist or something, but Violet is steadfast and says she even took a strand of Sydney's hair for a DNA test to be a hundred percent sure. That's... odd. Oh no. The red hair. It all makes sense now. Sydney is Violet's mom. Sydney says it's impossible. She gets angry and says she never had a baby. I mean, she would know what's come out of her birth canal, right? "Why are you lying?" Violet pleads. Sydney tries to walk out on her, but Violet stops her to tell her she has no idea what she's been through to get here. Sydney offers a refund for her month's rent. That's harsh. Violet tells her she's not getting rid of her that easily. END FLASHBACK Something of note here: Violet doesn't shed a single tear in that flashback. Violet dives into the pool and swims by the camera looking... I don't know. Semi-potentially-evil, I guess?