Episode Report Card Pablo G: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Red Herrings and Red Hair
By Pablo G | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.15.2009
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Last we left off, Auggie was burning bloody clothes. He continues to give off way-too-obvious clues that he is Sydney's murderer. Let's see. There's a deep, bloody gash on his shoulder from a struggle. Oh yeah, and a flashback where he does everything but kill Sydney right in front of us. Can you guys at least let us realistically suspect Auggie is the real killer for a whole episode, please?
Lauren returns from her night of prostitutin' just in time to find out she needs even more money and faster or she'll be kicked out of med school. Sounds like a good enough reason to keep selling your body and your integrity so down the line people can put "Dr." in front of "Whore" when they address you. Just so happens that before her first John leaves town, he calls Lauren up and asks her if she'll visit a buddy of his. Shitty. But Lauren needs to make that money so she caves. Her sex for money get-rich-quick scheme starts to invade her personal life when she runs into David and Ella at a party while with her new John, Rick, and the gang begins asking her about her new boyfriend but all talking about different guys who are never going to be around again. At least that's what we think.
Riley and Jonah have a bit of a wedge driven between them when Ella interrupts their newly-engaged attempt at lovemaking and insists on Jonah installing a surveillance camera for The Complex to put everyone at ease after Sydney's murder. All it really does is give Jonah the opportunity to see footage out of context of Riley consoling Auggie who is "grieving" over Sydney and begin to suspect she's cheating on him. They finally come to their senses and agree that if this whole marriage thing is going to work out, they need to be able to trust each other with their neighbors. That's always the foundation of a good marriage.
There are flashbacks galore. Even more than in the pilot, if you thought that wasn't possible. Auggie flashes back to first meeting Sydney at the infamous AA meeting on St. Patrick's Day. Predictably, they end up ducking out and passionately mauling each other. He finds himself being questioned by detectives who have dug into his past. Revealed in another flashback (we should keep a tally of how many flashbacks this show employs. It might be worthwhile) Auggie tells Sydney his sob story about his last girlfriend being murdered as a result of a bar fight he started. Sucks to be Auggie.
David reveals himself to be quite the ungrateful bastard grifter. He tries to sell off the painting he stole from his father last episode and is told that if he wants quick cash, old and crusty French paintings which can't be moved quickly aren't going to cut it. He decides to try and steal a rare watch from a glam Hollywood party his ex-girlfriend is throwing while her parents are gone. Mission successful.
Ella tags along to the party to try and snag a prized client to keep her publicist career on the up and up. When he tries to get fresh with her, she whisks him out of the party with the promise of sexual favors only to trick him into getting a mobile phone pic of his little Palm Pre snapped. Turns out this bit of brazen trickery lands her the gig with this guy who actually happens to be gay. He was just acting straight. Keep this client on lock, Ella. He's good.
Meanwhile, Violet is looking for a job and is encouraged by Auggie to apply for a recently vacated hostess position at his restaurant. She gets rejected right off the bat for her lack of style. Ella comes to the rescue and gives her a makeover, which instantly wins her the job. Forget about whether she's qualified. Girl looks good in black.
Everyone ends up at a pool party back at The Complex where Violet flashes back to meeting Sydney and reveals that... Sydney is her mom! They both have red hair! How didn't we see this coming? But seriously that's stupid, guys. Even more so, Sydney refuses to admit maternity, implying motive for Potentially Violent Violet. I think I hear the gears in Maury Povich's brain all the way from here. "You are the mother! Now die."
-- Pablo G. is some guy who lives in San Antonio, Texas. Check him out at Space Monkeys!, Obscure Sports Reference, and follow him @PendejoJoe on Twitter.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Auggie stands naked in the shower. Wow, MP, you're already pulling out that card, huh? That washboard-ab'd, taut-muscled, glistening-skinned, clear-eyed... wait a minute. I'm not gay. What the hell was that all about? Anyway, Auggie isn't just washing away the dirt of a long day. Blood washes down the drain as we see a deep, bloody gash on the back of his shoulder. *SIGH* Laying it on a little thick with the clues, are we? Please let us believe for more than the first five minutes that Auggie isn't just a distraction from the real killer.
Outside Lauren is on her way home from a long night of prostitution when she bumps into David. He teases her about catching her on a walk of shame. I've read way too many Texts From Last Night to be amused by this exchange.
Riley wakes up Jonah with breakfast in bed. She's all riled up (sorry) and acting like a cat in heat as she pounces on Jonah. Knock, knock, knock on the door. Riley gets up and answers to find a surprised Ella. "What are you still doing here?" That's not suspicious at all, El. She walks in uninvited before jumping into a spiel about the tenants of The Complex being uncomfortable after Sydney's murder, wanting some sort of surveillance system put into place. Ella dubs Jonah the resident AV geek and asks him to rig something up for them so they can save time and money. Jonah, being the nerd he is, obliges, saying he can use a camera he uses for Skype. Hey, Jonah, what do you use for Twitter and Facebook? You're so cool. I want to be just like you. Riley is still in in-out-in-out mode and lies to Ella about her and Jonah planning to go to the beach so she can get Jonah out of the obligation. She tries telepathy with Ella, but either Ella isn't operating on the same telepathic frequency or she knew exactly what she walked in on and is a badass bitch who knows how to screw with people on the fly. I like to think it's the latter. Will you marry me, Ella?
Violet is lounging outside by the pool with a newspaper as Auggie walks out with parts of a newspaper himself. She tells him she borrowed his classifieds. Violet mentions a modeling job she found that pays $300 and requires no past experience. I bet Lauren posted that. Auggie advises her to steer clear of that ad, but there's a hostess job that just opened up at his restaurant, which I've finally found out is called Coal. Isn't it nice when coincidences bring two characters who have nothing in common together? Detective Rodriguez pops up behind Auggie, like, "where did he come from" pops up behind Auggie. He starts asking Auggie questions and... FLASHBACK. We're at the famous AA meeting on St. Patrick's Day. Auggie walks in the door and stands there without joining the group. Sydney comes over to him and deadpans, "You know, I don't think it counts with the courts if you don't actually come in." After some more charming on the part of Sydney, she suggests they could have some fun if they get out of there. We cut to them violently making out, rolling around on the ground. Auggie ends up on top of Sydney as she tears open his shirt and her eyes go wide at the sight of his abs. Clean-up on aisle vag. END FLASHBACK. Auggie tells Detective Rodriguez they were just friends. Don't ever talk to a guy who kills a girl and says he just has a friend.
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Ella walks into her office building to find everyone running around like chickens with their heads cut off. She meets up with a girl who hips her to what's going on. There's a merger and a new guy is running the show. He's fired half of their staff already including a guy Ella didn't really like. So that's good, I guess. Against her friend's warning, Ella decides to go upstairs to speak with him. She enters his office and introduces herself and then throws her former co-worker she didn't like under the bus. Caleb tells Ella he can't trust someone who isn't loyal to their co-workers, hands her a box and tells her to clean out her office. Ella goes into Ella Mode and tells him that she's going to tell him something that she's never told a guy before, which is that he'll regret letting her go. She makes him a guarantee that if he gives her the weekend she'll bring in a client "bigger than Zach Quinto's eyebrows." Caleb seems more impressed with that reference than with the actual boast. "Does that even exist?" he quips. Ella responds with the name Jasper Barnes. Caleb fills us in that Mr. Barnes is the hottest name in the country this summer. He opts to give her the green light to try and make good on her promise, but if she comes back empty-handed come Monday, Ella can kiss her job goodbye. Ella leaves him with this gem: "One thing you'll learn about me, Caleb, I never come back empty-handed," then walks out of the office with the most unsure face Ella has worn thus far in the series.
Back at The Love Nest, Riley starts bitching about Ella doing the camera thing as just a way to come between them. David says she's not the "Wicked Witch of West Hollywood." *SLOW CLAP* Nice, Jonah. Nice. I think this whole scene only existed for that line. Bravo.
David sits across from some guy in a trendy café style restaurant. He's trying to sell the painting he stole from his dad's house at the end of last episode. The man he's talking to, named Amir, tells him that if he expects to get quick cash for this klepto hobby of his, he needs to steal something that can be moved faster than crusty French landscape paintings. David brings up a pricey watch called the "Tour de 'ille" watch. He tells Amir that it'll be at a party in Hollywood tonight. Amir can meet him there for a quick drink and then get his hands on it with David's help. Amir is skeptical, but David insists he's good at what he does as he leaves. Ella calls David as he walks out and invites herself as his date for the same party. She's wearing the longest headset ever. It's practically in her mouth. Oh, Ella, you know exactly how to entice me. David tells her she's not invited because his ex-girlfriend would flip, but Ella blackmails her way into the guest list by threatening to say, "bye bye David's alibi."
Lauren's at home when she gets a call from Toby the John. He reminds her that he's the guy "from last night." Really? "Yeah, just in case you couldn't remember, I'm the first guy you had sex with for money just last night. Just in case you couldn't remember such a life-changing event." He goes on to commend Lauren on the way she conducted herself since it "could've been awkward." Toby the John has become Toby the Douche of Unintentional Condescension. Then, he starts trying to refer Lauren to a friend. Go, Toby! Degrade! DEGRADE! Lauren is blind-sided for a second and then goes off on him. This would all be a very empowering moment for her character if it wasn't for the fact that all of it sounds in my head like she's saying "Don't treat me like I'm a whore after you just paid me for sex!"
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Riley runs into Auggie outside and tells him if he needs someone to talk to she's there for him. He drones on and on about how Sydney's death is eating away at him. Riley just stares at him from behind like, "Is he darting his eyes back and forth suspiciously?" Ella enters the scene from a distance just in time to see Riley grab Auggie's hand and them walk off to talk. Ella looks up at her surveillance camera project and smiles to herself. It's like Cheaters without the intrigue.
Violet stumbles about as she enters Coal until she bumps into a waitress. She asks where she can find Marcello the manager. The annoyed waitress points in a general direction. Violet makes her way up to the busy man to tell him she wants to apply to be a hostess? "Dressed like that? You're not catering a wedding at Holiday Inn." Uh, sir, the Holiday Inn is a fine establishment. I won't have Holiday Inn-bashing in this weecap. Violet's response when faced with fight or flight is to take off like a Harrier jet. Auggie watches her leave and heads over to Marcello to stand up for her, but manager guy isn't done being a dick. He tells Auggie that