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Last we left off, Auggie was burning bloody clothes. He continues to give off way-too-obvious clues that he is Sydney's murderer. Let's see. There's a deep, bloody gash on his shoulder from a struggle. Oh yeah, and a flashback where he does everything but kill Sydney right in front of us. Can you guys at least let us realistically suspect Auggie is the real killer for a whole episode, please?
Lauren returns from her night of prostitutin' just in time to find out she needs even more money and faster or she'll be kicked out of med school. Sounds like a good enough reason to keep selling your body and your integrity so down the line people can put "Dr." in front of "Whore" when they address you. Just so happens that before her first John leaves town, he calls Lauren up and asks her if she'll visit a buddy of his. Shitty. But Lauren needs to make that money so she caves. Her sex for money get-rich-quick scheme starts to invade her personal life when she runs into David and Ella at a party while with her new John, Rick, and the gang begins asking her about her new boyfriend but all talking about different guys who are never going to be around again. At least that's what we think.
Riley and Jonah have a bit of a wedge driven between them when Ella interrupts their newly-engaged attempt at lovemaking and insists on Jonah installing a surveillance camera for The Complex to put everyone at ease after Sydney's murder. All it really does is give Jonah the opportunity to see footage out of context of Riley consoling Auggie who is "grieving" over Sydney and begin to suspect she's cheating on him. They finally come to their senses and agree that if this whole marriage thing is going to work out, they need to be able to trust each other with their neighbors. That's always the foundation of a good marriage.
There are flashbacks galore. Even more than in the pilot, if you thought that wasn't possible. Auggie flashes back to first meeting Sydney at the infamous AA meeting on St. Patrick's Day. Predictably, they end up ducking out and passionately mauling each other. He finds himself being questioned by detectives who have dug into his past. Revealed in another flashback (we should keep a tally of how many flashbacks this show employs. It might be worthwhile) Auggie tells Sydney his sob story about his last girlfriend being murdered as a result of a bar fight he started. Sucks to be Auggie.
David reveals himself to be quite the ungrateful bastard grifter. He tries to sell off the painting he stole from his father last episode and is told that if he wants quick cash, old and crusty French paintings which can't be moved quickly aren't going to cut it. He decides to try and steal a rare watch from a glam Hollywood party his ex-girlfriend is throwing while her parents are gone. Mission successful.
Ella tags along to the party to try and snag a prized client to keep her publicist career on the up and up. When he tries to get fresh with her, she whisks him out of the party with the promise of sexual favors only to trick him into getting a mobile phone pic of his little Palm Pre snapped. Turns out this bit of brazen trickery lands her the gig with this guy who actually happens to be gay. He was just acting straight. Keep this client on lock, Ella. He's good.
Meanwhile, Violet is looking for a job and is encouraged by Auggie to apply for a recently vacated hostess position at his restaurant. She gets rejected right off the bat for her lack of style. Ella comes to the rescue and gives her a makeover, which instantly wins her the job. Forget about whether she's qualified. Girl looks good in black.
Everyone ends up at a pool party back at The Complex where Violet flashes back to meeting Sydney and reveals that... Sydney is her mom! They both have red hair! How didn't we see this coming? But seriously that's stupid, guys. Even more so, Sydney refuses to admit maternity, implying motive for Potentially Violent Violet. I think I hear the gears in Maury Povich's brain all the way from here. "You are the mother! Now die."
-- Pablo G. is some guy who lives in San Antonio, Texas. Check him out at Space Monkeys!, Obscure Sports Reference, and follow him @PendejoJoe on Twitter.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Auggie stands naked in the shower. Wow, MP, you're already pulling out that card, huh? That washboard-ab'd, taut-muscled, glistening-skinned, clear-eyed... wait a minute. I'm not gay. What the hell was that all about? Anyway, Auggie isn't just washing away the dirt of a long day. Blood washes down the drain as we see a deep, bloody gash on the back of his shoulder. *SIGH* Laying it on a little thick with the clues, are we? Please let us believe for more than the first five minutes that Auggie isn't just a distraction from the real killer.
Outside Lauren is on her way home from a long night of prostitution when she bumps into David. He teases her about catching her on a walk of shame. I've read way too many Texts From Last Night to be amused by this exchange.
Riley wakes up Jonah with breakfast in bed. She's all riled up (sorry) and acting like a cat in heat as she pounces on Jonah. Knock, knock, knock on the door. Riley gets up and answers to find a surprised Ella. "What are you still doing here?" That's not suspicious at all, El. She walks in uninvited before jumping into a spiel about the tenants of The Complex being uncomfortable after Sydney's murder, wanting some sort of surveillance system put into place. Ella dubs Jonah the resident AV geek and asks him to rig something up for them so they can save time and money. Jonah, being the nerd he is, obliges, saying he can use a camera he uses for Skype. Hey, Jonah, what do you use for Twitter and Facebook? You're so cool. I want to be just like you. Riley is still in in-out-in-out mode and lies to Ella about her and Jonah planning to go to the beach so she can get Jonah out of the obligation. She tries telepathy with Ella, but either Ella isn't operating on the same telepathic frequency or she knew exactly what she walked in on and is a badass bitch who knows how to screw with people on the fly. I like to think it's the latter. Will you marry me, Ella?
Violet is lounging outside by the pool with a newspaper as Auggie walks out with parts of a newspaper himself. She tells him she borrowed his classifieds. Violet mentions a modeling job she found that pays $300 and requires no past experience. I bet Lauren posted that. Auggie advises her to steer clear of that ad, but there's a hostess job that just opened up at his restaurant, which I've finally found out is called Coal. Isn't it nice when coincidences bring two characters who have nothing in common together? Detective Rodriguez pops up behind Auggie, like, "where did he come from" pops up behind Auggie. He starts asking Auggie questions and... FLASHBACK. We're at the famous AA meeting on St. Patrick's Day. Auggie walks in the door and stands there without joining the group. Sydney comes over to him and deadpans, "You know, I don't think it counts with the courts if you don't actually come in." After some more charming on the part of Sydney, she suggests they could have some fun if they get out of there. We cut to them violently making out, rolling around on the ground. Auggie ends up on top of Sydney as she tears open his shirt and her eyes go wide at the sight of his abs. Clean-up on aisle vag. END FLASHBACK. Auggie tells Detective Rodriguez they were just friends. Don't ever talk to a guy who kills a girl and says he just has a friend.
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Ella walks into her office building to find everyone running around like chickens with their heads cut off. She meets up with a girl who hips her to what's going on. There's a merger and a new guy is running the show. He's fired half of their staff already including a guy Ella didn't really like. So that's good, I guess. Against her friend's warning, Ella decides to go upstairs to speak with him. She enters his office and introduces herself and then throws her former co-worker she didn't like under the bus. Caleb tells Ella he can't trust someone who isn't loyal to their co-workers, hands her a box and tells her to clean out her office. Ella goes into Ella Mode and tells him that she's going to tell him something that she's never told a guy before, which is that he'll regret letting her go. She makes him a guarantee that if he gives her the weekend she'll bring in a client "bigger than Zach Quinto's eyebrows." Caleb seems more impressed with that reference than with the actual boast. "Does that even exist?" he quips. Ella responds with the name Jasper Barnes. Caleb fills us in that Mr. Barnes is the hottest name in the country this summer. He opts to give her the green light to try and make good on her promise, but if she comes back empty-handed come Monday, Ella can kiss her job goodbye. Ella leaves him with this gem: "One thing you'll learn about me, Caleb, I never come back empty-handed," then walks out of the office with the most unsure face Ella has worn thus far in the series.
Back at The Love Nest, Riley starts bitching about Ella doing the camera thing as just a way to come between them. David says she's not the "Wicked Witch of West Hollywood." *SLOW CLAP* Nice, Jonah. Nice. I think this whole scene only existed for that line. Bravo.
David sits across from some guy in a trendy café style restaurant. He's trying to sell the painting he stole from his dad's house at the end of last episode. The man he's talking to, named Amir, tells him that if he expects to get quick cash for this klepto hobby of his, he needs to steal something that can be moved faster than crusty French landscape paintings. David brings up a pricey watch called the "Tour de 'ille" watch. He tells Amir that it'll be at a party in Hollywood tonight. Amir can meet him there for a quick drink and then get his hands on it with David's help. Amir is skeptical, but David insists he's good at what he does as he leaves. Ella calls David as he walks out and invites herself as his date for the same party. She's wearing the longest headset ever. It's practically in her mouth. Oh, Ella, you know exactly how to entice me. David tells her she's not invited because his ex-girlfriend would flip, but Ella blackmails her way into the guest list by threatening to say, "bye bye David's alibi."
Lauren's at home when she gets a call from Toby the John. He reminds her that he's the guy "from last night." Really? "Yeah, just in case you couldn't remember, I'm the first guy you had sex with for money just last night. Just in case you couldn't remember such a life-changing event." He goes on to commend Lauren on the way she conducted herself since it "could've been awkward." Toby the John has become Toby the Douche of Unintentional Condescension. Then, he starts trying to refer Lauren to a friend. Go, Toby! Degrade! DEGRADE! Lauren is blind-sided for a second and then goes off on him. This would all be a very empowering moment for her character if it wasn't for the fact that all of it sounds in my head like she's saying "Don't treat me like I'm a whore after you just paid me for sex!"
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Riley runs into Auggie outside and tells him if he needs someone to talk to she's there for him. He drones on and on about how Sydney's death is eating away at him. Riley just stares at him from behind like, "Is he darting his eyes back and forth suspiciously?" Ella enters the scene from a distance just in time to see Riley grab Auggie's hand and them walk off to talk. Ella looks up at her surveillance camera project and smiles to herself. It's like Cheaters without the intrigue.
Violet stumbles about as she enters Coal until she bumps into a waitress. She asks where she can find Marcello the manager. The annoyed waitress points in a general direction. Violet makes her way up to the busy man to tell him she wants to apply to be a hostess? "Dressed like that? You're not catering a wedding at Holiday Inn." Uh, sir, the Holiday Inn is a fine establishment. I won't have Holiday Inn-bashing in this weecap. Violet's response when faced with fight or flight is to take off like a Harrier jet. Auggie watches her leave and heads over to Marcello to stand up for her, but manager guy isn't done being a dick. He tells Auggie that
he's not doing another friend of his a favor. Auggie's lost all his pull, apparently, because he recommended Sydney at some point as well. FLASHBACK of Sydney walking in on him hunched over a shot glass and a bottle at his desk. She begs him to tell her he didn't and he says he didn't as she snatches away the bottle and pours it down the sink. Why would he even think about it, she asks. "It's Dineen's birthday," he says. His girlfriend with an unfortunate name. Sydney's taken back by this admission considering they've been sleeping together for the last three months in this flashback. That is, until he reveals that Dineen is dead. They were at a bar together when a guy started hitting on her. Auggie started a fight with him and when it spilled outside, the guy pulled a knife. Dineen got between them in the struggle and was stabbed. She bled to death on Hollywood Boulevard. That's some Mercutio shit right there. Sydney tells him to stay sober in respect of Dineen's memory. Auggie and Sydney begin making out in back and forth jarring angled cuts. Sydney says they need to take their sobriety program seriously. That means no more sex. /FLASHBACK
Lauren is at home arguing on the phone about money. From her end of the conversation, we get that she will be kicked out of med school if she doesn't pay all her tuition by the end of the semester. Violet walks in with Ella. Somehow Violet has employed Ella to give her a fashion update so she can land her hostess job while Ella gets ready to go to the party. Lauren opens her vents and tells them she's getting kicked out of school. They act shocked and try and comfort her with possible ideas of how to get out of this mess. Violet gives Lauren a knowing look and says, "Unless.. you know, that $5,000... [you'll get if you whore yourself out like you told me you were considering doing, though I don't know you already did it and it wasn't enough]." Lauren plays it off by asking if Violet means a scholarship they discussed. Ella gives her a pep talk and tells her to do anything she can. Wow. Sometimes you think you're giving good advice and you really aren't.
Jonah's sitting at his computer scanning over surveillance footage. He sees Riley and Auggie talking and touching. He looks at the time code and realizes there was a lot of talking and touching. Riley walks in just then and thinks she's caught Jonah watching porn. He covers up what he was really watching well enough and distracts her a bit until Riley notices something strange onscreen. Someone is face down in the pool like Sydney was when she was found dead, but the time says it's 2 AM last night. It's actually Violet in the pool by herself. Creeeeeepy.
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Lauren pulls up to a really nice house. She's dressed hooker nice and is meeting a guy. He immediately introduces himself as Rick before she even is fully out of her car so that we know that this is Toby's referral. He insists he's not a skeevy dude and, actually, he doesn't seem as skeevy as Toby did. He lays out the itinerary as going out for dinner and then meeting friends for a drink. They lay down some contingency plans for explaining their relationship to people. Lauren balks at the idea of letting strangers know she's a doctor, but she's fine with pretending to be his recent girlfriend. They take off together.
Jonah and Riley are arguing over Violet maybe being Sydney's murderer. Riley says that Auggie thinks Violet's OK. This sends Jonah into a jealous hissy fit about Riley holding Auggie to be the authority on character. She can sense there's something on Jonah's mind and when she asks, he launches into what was probably supposed to be an adorable tirade. He clocked Riles' and Auggie's conversation at 37 minutes, 43 seconds. He gives a play-by-play of his recollection of what happened. There was the hand touch, shoulder (not a shoulder touch, just shoulder), and big hug. After Jonah calms down, Riley pulls out the Ella card and asks if she is the one who agreed with Jonah that Violet seems odd. Jonah says yes. Riley's had enough of this and tells Jonah flat out that it's obvious to everyone but him that Ella has a thing for him. He doesn't agree. He thinks Ella just understands his talent and gets him. Golden girlfriend opportunity here for Riley as she asks Jonah if he thinks she doesn't understand him. Golden boyfriend mistake here as Jonah doesn't give an immediate response. Riley is all "Hell to the naw" and storms off.
"Tik Tok" by Ke$ha (I feel so dirty typing that dollar sign) plays as Violet walks into Coal looking smoking hot. Marcello takes notice of her right away and asks who she is. She tells him that she's the girl he kicked out yesterday. She asks if she's got the job as Marcello and Auggie just star at her like that old school Looney Toons wolf with his tongue on the floor.
Neon colors and MTV-style angle cuts transport us to the fabled party. David and Ella walk in together. Ella is wearing what appears to be some sort of homage to the X-Men's Storm. David immediately texts Amir on the sly to expect the watch he plans on stealing soon. They run into Trudy, David's ex-girlfriend. There's very little cattiness as she introduces herself to Ella who she assumes is David's new girlfriend. Ella asks Trudy for confirmation that her target client is indeed at the party. Trudy says he's around somewhere as she excuses herself. Ella goes into Heat-Seeking Ella Mode (I've decided she's some sort of perfect robot, you see) and starts scanning around for Jasper Barnes when she make eye-contact with Lauren who is walking in hand-in-hand with Rick.
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Back at the party, it's awkward hooker introductions all around. Rick does a nice job of thinking quick on his feet for Lauren when they explain themselves. Ella and David don't really seem to care. They've got other things on their minds. Ella takes off to continue her search for Jasper. David excuses himself to go steal him a watch. Jasper is found first. Oddly enough for such a hot star, he's sitting by himself and easily approached by Ella. She jumps right into her pitch, deflecting his assertion that he's on every important magazine cover there is right now by saying he's overexposed. She warns him against becoming the Josh Hartnett. Ouch. I still love you, Josh, 30 Days of Night and all that jazz. Jasper starts implying he wants a little bit of the other kind of lip service from Ella if he's going to consider her. He tells her he'll set up a meeting with her if she focuses on his immediate needs tonight. She thinks for a second and invites him outside. They walk out a ways away from the party before Ella orders him to drop his pants. She gives off the impressions that she's admiring his junk, but it's all a diversion from the camera phone she's holding in her hand. She snaps the pic and launches into her professional advice. 1. Put your junk away. 2. Say no to co-hosting the Spike TV Awards with Andy Dick (really good advice, that) 3. Any time you're in public, you're one click away from being texted to Perez. As Ella walks away, over her shoulder she says, "Told you you were overexposed." Jeez, I can only propose to Ella so many times in these pages.
David is in an upstairs bedroom at the party looking through a collection of watches. Ella finds him because she's in David-Seeking Mode. She assumes that he's ransacking the medicine cabinet and asks for some Benzo. As David tries to direct her out of the room with his hand on her shoulder, we see he's wearing the coveted watch. Ella takes notice of some weirdness going on and brings up the fact that Trudy didn't seem the least bit hung up on David. She accuses him of hiding something from her. David plays it cool and tells her he'd like to show her something. Is he going to flash her? Ella has apparently "seen enough flappage" for one night. David pulls out a picture of him and his mom and tells her the sob story of how his mother tracked down his deadbeat dad before she passed away. Ella is taken aback. Distraction successful.
Lauren and Rick are finishing up some sex. Lauren
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gets up to leave almost immediately, but Rick tries to convince her to stay the night. She says she can't, and he starts talking about feelings and a connection. What a hooker virgin. He offers to date her legitimately. Lauren responds coldly that she was simply acting. She pretended the whole night that she liked the things he liked. "I want my money. I want to go home." That's piss-poor customer service, Lauren.
At Coal, Auggie is met by Detectives. They come in aggressive, saying they're aware he stabbed a man to death the night his girlfriend died. Auggie points out it was in self-defense and even the courts agreed, but Detective Rodriguez insists witnesses felt he had intent to kill. The detectives give Auggie one last chance to tell them if he saw Sydney the night of her death. FLASHBACK. Sydney is doing coke as Auggie walks into her apartment. Apparently David had already passed out at that point. She's uncooperative with Auggie's attempts to help her, citing that he'd ignored her for months. She has decided that sobriety is a joke for her and for him. When Auggie refuses to give her back her vial, she picks up a knife. She provokes him by accusing him of being responsible for the death of his girlfriend. There's a struggle in which Sydney gives Auggie the gash on his shoulder we saw at the beginning of the episode. Finally, he lunges at her. END FLASHBACK. Auggie tells the detectives he never saw her that night and he'd never do anything to hurt her. OK, it's official. Auggie didn't do it. There's no way they'd make it this easy. Who's ?
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Ella enters Caleb's office. He reminds her that it is Monday and she is empty-handed. Before Ella can transform into one of her survival modes, he informs her that he has signed Jasper Barnes. As an additional slight, he advises Ella to recalibrate her gaydar. Wow. If that hound dog is gay, maybe I'm gay. Also, Caleb's use of the word "sweetheart" tips off Ella that he is also gay. Ella is confused, as am I, but her confusion stems from Jasper hitting on her despite his preference. Caleb points out that Jasper is into anyone or anything that can advance his career, and insisted Ella be his point person. Jasper felt Ella was ballsy. She couldn't agree more as she takes the cigar Caleb is lighting right out of his mouth and takes a prideful whiff.
At The Love Nest, Jonah is finishing up editing an 11-year-old's birthday party video, and let me tell you, the cheesy graphic of the kid holding duel Nerf pistols is more fulfilling for me than anything that has happened thus far in this episode. But, hey, we've still got like five minutes to go. *Fingers crossed.* Riley walks into the room and Jonah asks her how mad she still is at him. She jokes that her anger goes beyond 10 on a scale of 1 to 10. Jonah can't take the tension anymore and goes into a practically prepared speech about how he admires what a caring person Riley is and how she's always there for her friends. It's why he fell in love with her. Dialing down opposite sex friendships is Riley's suggestion. "That's just stupid, Riley. I want my ring back," is what Johan should say here, but he goes the polite route, saying that since they will be spending eternity together, they should probably learn to trust each other. They agree to start over with a clean jealousy slate. Jonah is the first to mark the slate when he admits he's always been jealous that Riley is Auggie's running partner, but Jonah's a geek, remember? He'd only run if someone was chasing him, Riley jokes, but she points out she can chase him. Jonah gets mushy and tells her she's already got him. Aww. Cheesy smooch. What the fuck is this? Have none of the writers of this show ever been in a relationship? Where's the three days of silent treatment? The passive-aggressive jabs? OK, from now on we have to agree that Riley and Jonah aren't actually in a relationship because this is just not how a relationship is. OK? OK.
POOL PARTY! Everyone's having a good time at The Complex Pool. There's barbeque and swimming. Ella turns to Lauren in the pool and suggests she call up her boyfriend to come enjoy the fun. Riley, Jonah and David walk up just in time to hear this and Riley asks for the 411. David fills them in that Lauren has been seeing someone on the down low. Riley assumes it's Toby. Lauren says it isn't and quickly changes the subject to Ella's job situation. Ella tells the condensed version of it and strikes a chord with Lauren when she jokes that she did it without having to whore herself out. And there's a valuable life lesson here. Don't be so liberal with words like "whore" and "hooker." You never know when one of your good friends is secretly a high-priced prostitute. The more you know -- Doo do do dooooooo. Ella invites Jonah to coffee to talk some semi-business. His response gets caught in his throat when he realizes he should probably look over to Riley for approval. She looks back at him with a look that says, "We're at the end of our story arc, sweetie, go for it." However, Jonah opts to decline anyway and says he'll be taking Riley out instead. Violet walks into the scene. When she says she likes the pool water, Jonah wisecracks that Sydney did, too. Realizing he just put his foot in his mouth, he tries to smooth it over by asking Violet if she had a chance to get to know Sydney. FLASHBACK. Violet is standing face-to-face with Sydney. Sydney is claiming there must be some mistake. A mistake about what? What is this about? Can't two attractive redheads come to an understanding? Violet hired a detective to track Sydney down for some reason. Sydney insists Violet got duped by some scam artist or something, but Violet is steadfast and says she even took a strand of Sydney's hair for a DNA test to be a hundred percent sure. That's... odd. Oh no. The red hair. It all makes sense now. Sydney is Violet's mom. Sydney says it's impossible. She gets angry and says she never had a baby. I mean, she would know what's come out of her birth canal, right? "Why are you lying?" Violet pleads. Sydney tries to walk out on her, but Violet stops her to tell her she has no idea what she's been through to get here. Sydney offers a refund for her month's rent. That's harsh. Violet tells her she's not getting rid of her that easily. END FLASHBACK Something of note here: Violet doesn't shed a single tear in that flashback. Violet dives into the pool and swims by the camera looking... I don't know. Semi-potentially-evil, I guess?
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-- Pablo G. is some guy who lives in San Antonio, Texas. Check him out at Space Monkeys!, Obscure Sports Reference, and follow him @PendejoJoe on Twitter.
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