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We open at an O-Town interview. The Interview Lady sits down with her tape recorder as the boys settle in for random questions about their favorite colors (Trevor: Black; Ashley: Nine), musical inspirations (Jacob: The Beatles, Erik: the theme from ChiPs), and movies (Dan: The Man Who Wasn't There). But what's this? This Interview Lady dares to go where no interview lady has gone before. Shirley Halperin from Hits Magazine reads from a recent Variety review that says, "The smiling quintet's highly choreographed show came across as little more than paint-by-numbers kiddie entertainment." And then she adds, "A skin-crawling horror." Everybody in the room looks miserable, except Erik, who looks stoned. They can't believe Shirley the Interview Lady would dare to read from the pile of reviews Mike on the Mike doesn't let them see. Shirely smiles with great pleasure as she tells the boys that Variety called the debut album "an abomination." You can tell Shirley told someone, "I'm going to be on their show pimp-smacking those kids!" and her friends were all, "Shirley! You're the coolest!" Shirley asks the boys how they respond to that type of criticism. And then she smiles again, pleased with herself that she almost got Jacob to cry. Dan says it's a very easy thing to make fun of O-Town. I will consider that a shout-out. Shirley points out that O-Town is actually a very large collection of puppet masters, and five guys with long strings and malleable limbs. She says that people have a problem with O-Town because we don't get a sense of who they are. Not this season, anyway. I think Shirley's just mad this show's moved to MTV. So Shirley asks point-blank: "Who are you guys? Who is O-Town?" The boys all look back at her like, "We've been filmed for three fucking years answering that question, girlie. Watch the fucking show."
Opening credits. This week, I hate Erik's blue shirt. Hate it. Wait. Hate Trevor's vinyl vest more. Wait. Hate Jacob's bedazzled shirt collar more. Wait. Hate Dan's bendy neck. Wait. I really hate that Erik's barefoot. No, I just hate Jacob and the thing growing on his chin.
Shirley reminds the guys that the question is, "So, who really is O-Town?" Jacob says that they wanted to be a "music group" that was signed to a record label. Who is he talking about? Is he talking about O-Town? Because I don't remember when these guys all met as kids and played together as a band until they auditioned for a record label. Did you guys see that episode? Shirley asks whether the boys have played their new songs for Clive yet. Ashley stammers that they haven't, but that he knows they're writing songs. Everyone hates Shirley. Ashley says that Clive doesn't have a reason to think that they're writing, though, because he hasn't heard anything from them. Shirley reminds the guys that people will only be impressed once they're writing their own songs for the album.
Here's the gem sentence from Ashley: "This time around, what's important for us is to focus in on our songwriting ability and grow as writers."