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Previously on Making the Band: The boys are going on tour. Touring is hard. You know, with two episodes every week, the shows are starting to sound just like, �Wah! Wah! Wah! Work is hard!� People are stressed because they have only two weeks to pull the tour together. It�s hard being a one-hit wonder with a crap-ass show. It�s the hardest thing in the world sometimes.
Credits. Someone erase Jacob from my memory, please.
No Name is attempting alchemy again. He�s trying to teach the boys how to sing. Erik�s getting even worse. No Name tells him to breathe while he sings. This makes Erik�s voice crack as he screeches the lyric, �Like Haagen Dazs, you hit the spot,� and I really don�t know which is worse: the singing, or the songwriting. No Name tells us that it�s strange that these boys have such a following. Like he�s the only one wondering how this happened. He says it usually takes about three years to get this kind of notoriety, and he�s trying to fix any problems that might happen. No Name is full of The Advice That Says Nothing, and he tells the boys this: �I need everything. I need all of it. I need everything you got, you know what I�m saying? I need all. I need it all. 'Cause we�re way, way, way behind. And there�s no time. Time is not our friend right now. So. Our ass is up under the gun.� Jacob laughs and says that No Name�s been telling them that from the beginning. Ashley laughs and agrees. Y�all. Jacob is wearing not one, but TWO do-rags. That�s got to be some sort of record, right? There are five boys and six do-rags in front of me. Jacob has turned into that post-Behind the Music-looking Poison member in a very unhealthy way. No Name�s not done spouting off philosophization with wordinizing and intricthoughables: �We have to ourselves be abnormal human beings and give abnormal human efforts.� True. True.
Cue the fighting. Dan wants to know when they�re going to choreograph. Lou is there suddenly, saying the boys have to figure things out on their own and find time to learn the tour. It�s really making just as much sense as I�m writing it here. Someone asks a question and someone else kind of doesn�t even answer it at all. I love this next thing, here. Ashley, who�s so concerned about getting the tour finished that he�s coming up with new ideas that they have no time to work on, wants to know if he can play his own instruments on �Love Should Be A Crime.� Now, the real crime is that there are now two fucking episodes devoted to this shitty song, and I moan because I�m going to have to hear Jacob�s warbling for another half hour. Ashley�s going on about how it�d be �a cool thing for the club tour� if he and Jacob could play guitars and sing the song. Dan, Lou, and Boston Mike all make the same �what a douche� smirk at the same time. Ashley keeps on talking crap, and Boston Mike totally doesn�t think Ashley could play a note, so he says that Ashley can try. Ashley says that if he and Jacob played instruments, it would show that they are �talented.� Hee. �And that�s what people want to see.� No, Ashley. Listen. We just want to see you naked. That�s it. Take off your shirt and shut up. Please shut up. Shut up. Shut up shut up shutupshutuptakeoffyourclothesanddance. Ashley tells us that the public �has gotten numb to the whole �singing and dancing thing.�� There aren�t even words to describe how ridiculous Ashley is at this point, thinking that people are biting their fingernails, wondering, �What�s O-Town going to do next? They�re so hardcore and cutting edge!� And Ashley thinking that O-Town is anything more than a �singing and dancing thing� is also pretty funny. ["Ashley thinking that they're even in the same area code as 'a singing thing' of any kind is pretty damn funny too, if by 'funny' you mean 'completely inexplicable.'" -- Sars] Lou warns Ashley that people don�t want to see Ashley and Jacob being un-multi-talented. Well, Lou, perhaps you shouldn�t parade them on this television show, because every week they prove how untalented, in multitudes of ways, they are. Lou says they�ll look like fools if they don�t practice �and get it down right.� He reminds them of the Miss America incident. Ashley acts like he�s never heard of the country. Which is only fair, since the country acts like she�s never heard of Ashley, either.