Previously on Making the Band: Erik's birth father got in touch with him for the first time since Erik was one. He learned that he has a brother and a sister. Erik explained that there are bonds between people that are like spider webs, and that the bonds have to be "evenly strengthened between [them] all." Yeah, I don't know what that means, either.
Credits. I just let them wash right over me like when you know someone's peed in the pool but you don't want to ruin everyone's good time. You just keep your mouth shut.
The boys are in New York for an album-release party. I wonder whether it's for their album. The camera runs up to girls who act like they're excited to see the camera. Other girls are just standing around because they work there.
Some girl jams her finger into Trevor's ear and gets her picture taken.
They're at another Planet Hollywood as Ashley explains to us that they're very excited. The album debuted at #5. Ashley says that it hasn't hit them yet how "monumental" that is.
Some girl tells Dan that she's from Philly. Some other girl tells Jacob that his photos from Miami are hot. "It's ridiculous!" she fawns, almost spilling her glass of white wine on his head. She doesn't even bother inhaling before she's moved on to Ashley, telling him how hot he is. Jacob says that they're the "hot commodity," and that everyone wants to talk to them. We see two guys talking about how "natural" Jacob's sound is. I love all of the adjectives people are using to describe "sounds like me when I've smoked a pack of cloves." Jacob's sentence to us isn't really a sentence, so I'll just write down the string of words he's put together to explain what happens when your album hits #5: "If you fall off then it's all the bad press you have to deal with and the stress of once you're there holding that position for as long as possible." ["Whoa, I see what you mean. I was going to try to punctuate that, but it's obviously impossible." -- Wing Chun]
Cut to a drunk woman addressing a crowd that isn't listening to a word she's saying. That's okay, because she's lying. She's saying that this party will be a moment that the boys in O-Town will remember for the rest of their lives, because it's the one moment that launched their career. How could she possibly know that now, anyway? I don't know. Is that what she's saying? Listen, someone needs to hire a writer for these people, because nobody's making any sense. They're just stringing words together that sound important. She says this: "Every band has that one special time that they remember and kind of what launched their career? If you are ready, J Records recording artist: O-Town!" What the hell does that mean? For real. And why is that first statement a question? And "if you are ready?" It's like someone took the opening lines, translated them into Swedish and then translated them back into English and then gave her the lines to say. It probably started as "These guys are hot on the charts debuting at #5. Are you ready for O-Town? Here they are!" Idiots.
Some guy (or I think maybe a girl?) we've never seen before is standing to Silent Cleve, who is looking like he's suspicious of the stranger. I don't know why we have to see this moment at all. The boys take the stage (and, for some reason, they're dressed up more than they normally are, and they're not dancing). They sing a ballad. Badly. They are very much Badly Sung Boys. I don't know what crowd noise they're playing in the background, but it's not the show we're watching. It sounds like they've looped a Radiohead bootleg behind the performance.
Jacob continues stringing words together, trying to make synapses fire: "There are so many records, like, you want them to play your record, you need to prove that we deserve to be here in a tenth of time a group usually would have. It's just the game gets a lot quicker and the competition gets a lot harder." I am watching the English to Japanese to English dub of Making the Band. That's the only thing that makes sense.
Competition Piano Music plays as we see a distant shot from what looks like Staten Island. We hear Erik's cell-phone voicemail inform him that he has no new messages, but that he has two saved messages. See? The competition is heating up. Erik has to decide whether he's ready to zoom up the charts of his father's heart. Erik listens to his father's voice message again, even though there's no microphone on his cell phone and we're clearly not hearing what Erik's actually listening to on his phone. And why is he all by himself in a parking lot in the passenger seat of his huge car, anyway? Both the passenger and driver doors are open as Erik hunches down with a towel around his neck listening to Ruben, his birth father, leave his message. I don't get it, really. The cell phone is attached to the car's battery charger. Erik looks at his O-Town CD and explains to us yet again that Ruben called him. He tells us that he's never had a brother and a sister before. Actually, he says, "I've not known of anything like that." Hire seven tutors for this group, please. Somebody. It's cruel to do what you're doing to these children. They've got weaker grammar skills than Elmo. Erik says he wants to meet his brother and sister.
Atlanta. The boys are about to sing the national anthem before a Hawks game. We see the boys singing (Trevor's holding an invisible microphone) the song as a practice, but Erik's bent over. He's not singing -- he's trying not to throw up, I guess. It might be a physical reaction to the sound of O-Town singing the national anthem, because when they add the word "brave" three times to the end of the song the room starts spinning just a bit for me, as well. Erik stands up and everyone asks whether he's okay. He says he is, and starts walking off. It looks like he might have been crying. The boys all look at Silent Cleve. Cleve looks back. Man, that Silent Cleve is creepy.
We watch Erik put cold water on his face as we hear him say, "My biological father? It just takes a lot out of me." One sentence. I just want one sentence where there's a subject-verb agreement and there might even be a word in the nominative case and the word "like" is only used if there's going to be a simile in the sentence. Is that too much to ask? Really? Erik concludes, "Sometimes you just can't help thinking about what else is going on especially when something like this..." Yeah, I guess it's way too much to ask. The boys are still warming up, trying to be chummy with Erik, but he's incredibly pouty.
The boys try practicing again before showtime. Jacob starts bitching Erik out for changing the beat. Erik says that he's not changing the beat. Ashley and Erik start bickering, and Dan tries to stop it. Dan tells us that it's not easy to go onstage when you know that one person is freaking out in his head. He says that everyone can see it, and that it affects the entire group. The bitching continues, and it seems like, at the end, Dan says he'll sing Erik's part; they all walk off, leaving pouty Erik to pout around thinking about how his new pout really matches his great black turtleneck and pouty deep spiked hair they've given him.
The boys ruin the national anthem for the Hawks, Georgia, the integrity of basketball, America, and the world. I love that there's nobody taking pictures in the audience; they're eerily silent and nobody claps when O-Town hits the high parts. Erik's making wild gestures with his hands to make the boys stop singing at a certain part, but they keep doing what they rehearsed, not catering to Erik's lung capacity. Good for them. Someone's screechy in the group, and clearly Erik didn't let Dan just sing his part like he was supposed to. I don't know why Erik's wearing giant conductor arms to sing this song, but everyone else doesn't bother looking at him. The game quietly starts without a single person thanking O-Town for proving Roseanne Barr had her good points. By the way, this game must be on a Tuesday or something because there's nobody there. Actually, it might not even be a Hawks game. I bet they're just using the stadium.
Tattletale Ashley is now bitching to Andrew about Erik's behavior. Ashley says, "I don't want to start slipping," because it's going to be Erik's fault when they fail. Ha. I love that he thinks it could possibly be Erik's fault. Now, all of a sudden, they might not be good singers. Right. Ashley says that they had a good performance, and that it ended in a big argument, and he doesn't know why. Andrew's wearing his patient face, thinking, "I hate it when the two of you are arguing because you pretend that it has nothing to do with the fact that you're in love." Andrew says that Erik seemed fine earlier in the day but that clearly something was bothering him. "Maybe there was something more to it," he concludes. Brilliant. Ashley is pouting something fierce, and we're clearly not getting the entire story here. Elsewhere, we see a shot of Erik pouting, and his face morphs into a shot of the road. So deep.
Moving tour bus. Erik's on his cell phone again. He calls Ruben. I guess Ruben decided to be on the show after all. So much for Latino pride. Erik says that he wants to meet his brother and sister. Ruben says, "Sure, I think it's important." Erik, not to be out-Englished, says, "I think it's more than important, it's a necessity." Am I supposed to put a semi-colon in there somewhere? ["I've given up on their dialogue, man." -- Wing Chun] He says he knows that he has to meet Ruben to meet his siblings. Ruben is upset that Erik wouldn't want to meet him at all. I can't really hear what else Ruben is mumbling here, and my closed captioning isn't working, but I think he's telling Erik that it's important that they meet, and Erik is just staring into space looking even more like The Gingerbread Man from Shrek, as Stee so astutely pointed out before.
Erik runs to the back of the tour bus, where Ashley just happens to be casually lying all by himself. "Guess what I just did?" Erik asks him. Now, either Ashley forgot his line here in this scripted scene, or he is worried that he's going to answer the wrong thing because Erik's bringing up a subject they're keeping from the cameras. In any event, Ashley looks guilty, and it seems he doesn't want to have this conversation now. Then he remembers that Erik was going to call Ruben. Well, actually, Ashley says, "Why are you smiling like that?" Then we see a couple of shots of Ashley sitting up and Erik moving around and we hear a voice-over of Ashley asking, "Did you just talk to your dad?" and then we see a shot of Ashley listening and then we go back to Erik talking. This show is edited so poorly that everything looks fake. Ashley figures out that Erik just called Ruben just now "on the bus," and freaks out. "Whoa!" he says. "That's crazy!" I don't know why it's so crazy. It'd be crazier if he called his dad while hanging off the back of the bus, or from Jacob's cell phone or something. These kids are enough to make me miss the invisible Dan subplot. Erik replays the conversation for us, and says that he told Ruben he knows he has to see him in order to see his siblings, but that he really doesn't want to have a conversation about their relationship. Erik says that he doesn't want to know. Ashley looks like he wants to hold Erik until all of the pain goes away. By the way, my Ashley crush is totally over. He's so dumb I can't bring myself to lust over him anymore. Besides, he's totally in love with Erik, and I don't stand a chance. Ashley says that even though Erik doesn't want to "get into it" with Ruben, he's going to be standing to a man who looks "kind of like [him]" and is really his dad. Good deductive skills there, Ash. We fade to black as Erik and Ashley wait for us to give them some private time.
Tour bus. Evening. No Fun Andrew is barking orders. The boys are going to be performing four songs in a convention center. Dan's pissy because this is the first time they heard they're going to be performing at a convention center. Silent Mike lies that it's always been in the schedule, but that they don't have a copy of the schedule; it's somehow Cleve's fault. Sure. Blame the creepy old guy. It's always his fault. Trevor says that they don't have a problem doing the gig -- it's just that they'd like more warning than the same day the gig takes place. Boston Mike looks clueless as Ashley complains that this whole thing is kind of chaotic right now. You can see the sound guy in the reflection behind Boston Mike's head. There are a lot of people on that bus. It must suck so hard. Trevor's complaining about something. I think Jacob's in a different van. For real, is he in this group at all? Ashley's wearing a bucket hat, saying that he'd just like to be informed of the schedule a bit further in advance. Oh, there's Jacob. He's leaning back and pouting. Instead of explaining anything about the schedules, someone decides to use their chart position as an explanation. "Just so you know? Your chart position? You dropped. To twenty." It's Boston Mike. I can tell because it's their "chaht positions." Boston Mike is all pissed off, like the boys had a campaign to get people not to buy their albums. Wait a minute. I guess they did. They just called it a "tour." Boston Mike says that one of the major reasons their album dropped is because they've been "out of sight." Erik's like, "Outtasite! That's good. Thanks, Man. You're a Total Blast, yourself!" I don't know what Boston Mike's sentence means, so I'll just write to down for you: "So what's that say? I just got another jet for you." One sentence. I really don't know why it's such a hard thing for these people to do. Just talk in complete sentences.
A jet takes off. Cut to an "In-Store Performance" in New York City. An exhausted Trevor tells us that they shouldn't be touring right now, but that they have to go out there and perform so that the album doesn't keep dropping.
Dallas. Autograph signing. They tell us that they're doing long days, and that they have to keep doing it every day. We hear someone ushering the teen girls around, telling them to keep moving because there are lots of girls waiting. Girls fawn.
A very tired Ashley is moaning at the airport. Dan tells us that they're tired. The boys all sit in a circle moaning about the schedule again. Someone points out that there are only twenty-four hours in a day. "Nothing is ever gonna be the same," Boston Mike says, for no reason. We watch the boys sleep on a plane as someone tells us that they're working and travelling about twenty of those hours each day. The boys sleep.
Back in Orlando, the boys are rehearsing "Baby I Would" in some room. Erik moans to us that his mother and his stepfather are coming up, so he can explain then that he's going to meet Ruben. He gets upset because he doesn't like calling him his stepfather. He says that he, and not Ruben, is Erik's real dad.
Backstage at the House of Blues, Erik is telling his mother and his stepfather that he's going to meet Ruben. He wants to meet his brother and sister. Erik's stepfather says that this isn't a problem, and that it's not going to change their relationship. Erik's mother tells Erik he should "never close a door." She apologizes that he has to go through this. She says that they love him. Erik tells us this is all too much right now. We see Erik asleep with his mouth wide open on a plane as he tells us that no matter how much he wants to focus on his career right now, he can't help thinking about what else is going on. Planes take off and land.
Man, is anyone else bored? I'm bored.
Cleve's in Toronto, asking the boys to wake up. He opens the curtains in Erik's room and asks him whether he's okay. A very pouty Erik says that he can sing, but that his glands are swollen. Cleve says, "You know what'll happen is we're gonna go over there and you'll probably not be able to hit your parts and what'll happen is the other guys will end up singing your parts." I can see that Cleve's not going to be my Grammar Angel either. Erik says that he has to do the show. Cleve sits down to him and says that there are other things that are more important than singing the part. Erik asks whether the other guys are upset with him. Cleve says that they're concerned, but that they're not upset. He says that people get sick, and everyone understands. Erik's eyes are teary.
At the "Radio Station Performance" in Toronto (I love how nobody wants to be identified anymore), Boston Mike is saying that this is like "TRL live," and that they can't screw it up. I guess Erik has to sing even though he's sick. Jacob watches pouty Erik. Ashley asks how he's doing. Erik says that he's feeling bad. Ashley says that Erik needs potato chips. This doesn't make Erik feel any better, even though Ashley points out that he's "serious." I think Jacob has a knife coming out of his hat. Dan tells us that he can't imagine what's going on inside Erik's head. Neither can the rest of us, Dan. The boys are discussing whether Erik's vocals will "sound good" in their current state. Erik says that they won't sound good, but that he'll "get by." Everyone tells Erik that getting by will basically sound good. At least they know the truth. Jacob's been singing with a deviated septum for the past year, so I don't know what the big deal is.
Erik tells us he's not a quitter. Cut to the boys singing in front of fifty or so girls at some convention center. Trevor says that he expected Erik to sound really scratchy, since he's so sick, but that he was surprised to hear Erik sounding the best he's ever heard. Great. Erik sings better when his glands are all swollen. The boys sing and dance in front of screaming girls. Someone throws a t-shirt. A roadie fixes a speaker. We hear the boys perform, but see segments of other performances. Some girl grabs Erik's ass in slow motion. Dan touches his crotch in front of a thirteen-year-old girl. We hear the audience cheer as the boys finish their song, but we don't see anyone clapping. It's just a bunch of girls with their hands in the air, reaching toward Security.
This part doesn't make much sense, either. The boys are all standing on the stage with towels around their necks, and it's supposed to be some sort of interview. A young girl that we never see sing-songs her question, reading that she was wondering whether the guys are closer now because they're in a band together. We still hear girls scream and cheer, even though we don't see anyone cheering or screaming. Erik says that they're like brothers. We hear some girl scream, "We love you, Erik!" and hear girls scream like it's any boy band other than O-Town on stage, but we never actually see these hysterical females. Erik tells us in a voice-over that he's always been an only child before, but that now he has four brothers. They taught him the importance of family and brothers. Another gem of speech victory: "Without each other we wouldn't get through things that we get through." What a wordsmith.
We see Fabian and Florinda, Erik's younger brother and sister, as we hear Erik say that he's nervous. Florinda tells us that she's nervous as well. Erik looks like his father. I just found out that you spell it Ruben, not Reuben, as I've been doing for the past four episodes. ["That's okay -- I searched and replaced." -- Wing Chun] Sorry, Ruben. Perhaps you could have shown up earlier in your son's life, you know, before his fame, and I wouldn't have made the mistake. Ruben touches Fabian's shoulder. He wipes a tear. He wears a cream-colored sweater with an American flag across the front. Erik's still philosophotizing in a voice-over: "The person that helped give you life. Meeting him for the first time." He tells us that he feels really weird: "I've never felt anything like this before. I have to just go for it. You know? I have to just dive in and whatever happens, happens. We have to meet up face-to-face. You know, like, eyes need to catch each other. 'Cause that's when you know someone's for real." No lie, Erik's wearing exactly the same sweater as Ruben. He's walking over to where Ruben's waiting.
Erik walks into the room, and Ruben pulls him into a hug. Ruben's crying. Erik hugs Fabian. They say it's nice to meet each other. Florinda goes to shake Erik's hand and she says a quiet "hey." Erik pulls her into a hug and she cries. Ruben tells Erik their names. He asks Erik how he's doing. Erik says this has been crazy. He asks Florinda how old she is. She's ten. Erik remarks that they're wearing the same sweater. Ruben asks Florinda what she thinks. She looks down. Ruben says that they're nervous. Erik says they don't have to be. Fabian is just staring at Erik, since they look so much alike. Erik asks Fabian what he's into. Fabian rubs his eyes and says he doesn't know. This is obviously a bit too much for him, what with the cameras and all. Ruben pulls out old baby pictures of Erik and Ruben together. He tells Erik that he's proud of him and that he loves him.
Erik tells us that you can't erase seventeen years of neglect in one day, and adds, "But that was cool. It was definitely cool. It's a good thing." Jacob shows up in Erik's room and asks what happened. Erik says that it was weird: "So odd. They look like...like me!" Jacob sees a baby picture of Erik and says it looks just like him. Because it's him. Ashley walks over and asks whether the baby picture is of Erik. Erik tells the boys that he and his father were wearing the same sweater. "That's dope!" Jacob says. Ashley tells us that Erik looks relaxed for the first time in a long time. Erik tells them that Fabian and Florinda were really nervous. Jacob says that they had to meet him for the first time on camera after they've already heard his record and found out about him on television. When did Jacob become so wise? Erik says that he's lucky to have four guys to care about him, and that he's just been blessed with two other people in his life. Ashley asks whether this went the way he wanted it to go. Erik says that he wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Close-up on the baby picture of Erik. End of show.
I guess they film all of the confessionals at the same time, because everyone always looks the same. week, Trans Con won't foot the bill everyone expected them to pay. Apparently, the boys are about to be shut down from lack of funds. Good. I'm all about Erik finding his roots, but it makes for some boring-ass television.