Previously on Making the Band: Trevor told us that a girl likes him. Ashley dumped Shrilli again. Get ready, y'all. This is some good bad television coming up.
We start with the boys piling into a van. Ashley is singing a little song about its being time to go to do "Making the Fan." He's still wearing that same shirt, by the way. Since Lou gave them back their per diem, can't they buy the boy a new shirt? That thing must be so gross.
We see overhead shots of Orlando as we listen to a DJ explain the concept of "Making the Fan." Apparently, the boys will be auditioning people across the nation, looking for the ultimate fan. They explain it much longer than that as we watch the boys enter Orlando's Planet Hollywood. Each contestant will get thirty seconds to explain why he or she is the ultimate O-Town fan. One girl points at a sticker on her ass that reads, in Magic Marker, "Property of Jacob." There's some other writing on her arm. Somehow I don't think that's gonna cut it. Actually, I guess she was pretty safe in assuming there wouldn't be that much competition, but I'm thinking some people are there to try to win a free trip to Los Angeles, or wherever the finals are going to be held. Some girl calls Erik her "Puerto Rican dream." Echoing through the Hollywood Hills, I can hear the hysterics of Ricky Martin. Some girl shouts at the camera, "I want you, Trevor!" and then she hides herself before we can identify her. Smart girl. We get a shot of Jacob as some girl chants that she loves him. A teen who makes me sad is wearing a shirt she's made of herself and Jacob, like they're a couple. She's wearing an incredible amount of makeup and some sort of jeweled statement across her forehead, and she's sweating like Lou's elbow. Yikes. These are the saddest fans. Another girl has "#1 Fan" painted on her face, and has her hair in Jacobian dreads. She wears beads in each dread that read "O-Town." She's sobbing. So am I. As this girl squawks into the microphone, Dan tells us that this is all "a trip." Erik says that this is really hard, because a year ago they were auditioning, and now their fans are auditioning for them! Craziness! Jacob hugs the makeup girl as Trevor looks on approvingly.
Trevor makes fun of the way girls scream, "Oh, I love you!" to him. Well, Trevor, look on the bright side. At least you won't have to get used to it. Check out his conclusion on seeing these pre-teen girls screeching over him: "It really puts things into perspective that I don't have someone like that in my life." Homeboy sits in his bed in his underwear and dials up Kelly, his old girlfriend. He's hoping she can fulfill the role of screeching teen girl with unconditional love in his life. We see him looking at a picture of the two of them while he's on the phone. He tells us that he thinks the two of them should still be together. "I don't know why," he actually says. Back on the phone, Trevor tells Kelly that he's "coming to L.A. this weekend," and wants her to go, too. Kelly says that she needs to know what to do if a guy asks her out. She wants to know whether she's supposed to say she's Trevor's girlfriend. Kelly starts guffawing, and I think she might be drunk. Then she says that it already happened: a guy asked her out. Trevor takes a moment before he puts on a fake smile to ask, "What'd you say?" She says that she didn't know. She asks what happens if she kisses another boy. Trevor just laughs and freaks out silently. Kelly asks him what he's thinking. Trevor tells us -- not her -- that he's afraid to ask her out. Then he tells us, "But I want someone. You know what I mean?" Not Kelly, really. Just someone. He tells Kelly that they'll have to talk about it over dinner.
LAX. Jacob says the following words of wisdom: "It's really hard to be a girlfriend in a band. I mean we travel all the time. It's tough." Jacob holds hands with a girl as he explains that she's his best friend. Her name is Janie, and she's who he "depends on for everything." That's healthy. He says that they dated in the fifth, sixth, and seventh grade, so you know that their love is pure and true. They dated when they were ten. They dated in a simpler time, before puberty and physical attraction. He says she motivates him, is whom he leans on, is his shoulder to cry on. Poor, poor girl. We see them walk out of LAX. Jacob is manhandling the back of her neck. Janie continues to look downward, not making direct eye contact with Jacob. He rubs her side and then kisses her neck.
In another corner of Arrivals, Shrilli has one of those luggage carts -- you know, the carts for families that have tons of luggage? It's just her, but she brought so much luggage that she needs a cart. She frantically looks around as though Ashley forgot her again. Ashley tells us that he's glad Shrilli came out because he's missed her and he knows they don't get to talk and hang out like they used to. "Used to," like, two weeks ago?
Shrilli looks so pissed off. Ashley tells her that she should "hang out" with Janie while he "works." He tells her that they should be "pals." Breaking her vow of silence, Shrilli starts with, "Like, what are you gonna do today?" Ashley admits that he's not doing anything until later, when he has a taping. He says it's time to check into the hotel.
Inside the elevator of nausea, Jacob's singing some line all to himself about being contagious. Then he leans in and kisses Janie. Trevor, always with the crappier line, says that Jacob is contagious, and then starts macking on his own girlie. I'm feeling quite ill. Poor Janie. I bet Jacob sings like that all the fucking time.
Kelly and Shrilli meet, and it sounds like the dolphins are getting fed at Sea World. Shrilli doesn't remember meeting Kelly, but Kelly remembers Shrilli. I assume you never forget that noise her body makes when it speaks.
Ashley has his arms around Shrilli and Janie. He tells the girls that it's good to have them both there. Shrilli avoids eye contact.
Jacob tells everyone to get in the limo. As everyone starts sitting down, someone drawls, "We're gonna have to do some major lap-sitting." Gross. Cleve! He totally busts the boys, saying that the limo is an eight-passenger vehicle, so not everyone can fit in it. Wait. Five boys, three girls. Isn't that eight? Oh, right. Cleve. He says that they can be fined a thousand dollars a person for going over the limit, so only eight people can go. "Period," he finishes.
The shot is Ashley handing something out the limo door as he asks, "Do you have my room key? Take your car and follow us." The camera pans over to the three girls standing on the windy street corner. Janie's laughing like, "I can't believe those assholes are leaving us behind." Shrilli is so deeply offended. Kelly might have some sort of head trauma, since she's yet to really say anything, even when Trevor's pawing all over her. Cleve gives the street address to which they're going, and Kelly says she doesn't have any money with her. They don't care.
Shot of the Hollywood sign. Shot of the Walk of Fame. Shot of the sign for the 8400 block of Melrose. They're keeping it real. For one, they're nowhere near the Hollywood sign. For another, they're on Melrose Avenue, not Melrose Place. And for a third, they're going to 5300 Melrose. Finally, they're not going anywhere near the Walk of Fame either. I just wanted to point those out, because once I moved here, I learned that you don't pass the Hollywood sign to do everything, and there's nothing glamorous about the Walk of Fame. Oh, and Melrose Place is about a block long. Here. Here's your Hollywood truth.
The girls are all in Kelly's car as Janie asks Kelly how long she's been stuck with Trevor. Kelly says that they started dating their freshman year in college. The other girls are shocked that Trevor lets people admit that he's old enough to have attended a college, to say nothing of the fact that he was accepted into a college in the first place. "That is so neat!" Shrilli coos. Kelly says that they've known each other three years. Nobody asks Shrilli, but she says that she and Ashley have been together "a long time, too." She laughs and says that Janie and Jacob ("Jake") win since they've known each other since grade school. Shrilli asks Janie whether she ever wishes she could have the Jacob of two years ago instead. Janie says that Jacob's so happy right now. Shrilli's like, "Right, but remember when you made him happy? Remember when we were enough? Don't y'all want that again?" It's clear why Shrilli's been forced to sit in the back of the car.
The girls pull up to some studio, and they see the girls screaming outside the building. Shrilli immediately starts making fun of them, screaming back. It's pretty funny.
The guys are shooting something for Channel One. They're doing vocal warm-ups as the crew gets them ready for the camera. The girlfriends sit and pout. As the boys start singing "Liquid Dreams" and the cameras are rolling, Shrilli's cell phone goes off. The crew is pissed, and Shrilli's quick to announce that the phone is, in fact, Erik's, and that she doesn't know how to turn it off. Tattletale. "Always picking on E!" Erik snaps back.
The girls watch the boys bullshit around for a while. Shrilli whispers to Janie, "Is this what they're doing? Is this it?" I know, honey. There's no glamour in an O-Town life.
Ashley's holding a tape recorder and answering questions for channelone.com. They asked him about the show, not the band, because the show is at least slightly interesting. Ashley keeps repeating something about privacy and chances and excitement and adjusting.
Shrilli's completely glazed over as Janie asks whether Shrilli and Ashley broke up. Shrilli's head bobs around like a dashboard dog's. Janie again asks whether that means Shrilli and Ashley aren't together. Shrilli says they aren't. Janie asks whether they're on a break. Shrilli says they kind of are, and that it's been a while. She then says that it's really good, because he flies her out all the time. Uh huh. She says she sometimes feels like she's in the way. Janie winces, since she was just about to tell Shrilli that she's exactly that. Shrilli says that she hates being in the makeup guy's way. Janie says that she doesn't understand what they're supposed to do, and doesn't see why they're even there. Kelly says that the guys want to share all of this with them. Janie says that she doesn't want to sit around for four hours. Shrilli whispers, "It gets so boring!"