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Previously on Making the Band: Erik explained how the radio works. The boys met DJs. Ashley dumped a girl on a beach. He asked for "time apart." She moaned and wailed. He kissed her head. We learned that her name is Shelli. I know y'all call her Shrilli. Ashley tells us that breaking up with her "didn't feel right." That's not remorse, yo. This here's a booty call.
Opening credits. You know, with a show this bad, you just notice how bad it is bit by bit during the repetition. How bad are these credits? Someone replace Jacob, please. Soon. I don't have the strength.
Okay. You better sit down right now if you're not sitting. Sit down. Do it. We start with a sky shot of the planet Earth, so we know we aren't dreaming. We pan closer and closer like a plane landing. We focus on O-Manor. We hear the sweet sounds of Ashley singing his own song. We also hear the sound of running water. What? Are you sure I'm not dreaming? The camera walks slowly through the hallways like the beginning of Risky Business. We see the bathroom door open. There's so much steam! It's like you could walk right into a naked person in here if you weren't caref-- oh! Shh! It's Ashley. He's showering, and standing just out of our reach. He doesn't know we're here. Let's be quiet and just watch him. Ashley sings as the water runs down his strong back, flowing down and swirling around the taut muscles of his lower back. The water continues to drip and caress his naked flesh, darting and licking the places we'd violate if he'd only let us. His arms work furiously with lather in places we can't quite see. There's so much steam! So much water! We switch to slow-mo so that we can all simultaneously orgasm the moment Ashley flips water over his head and it splashes onto his tan back. Good Christ, this is the best porn ABC has ever broadcast. And Just the Ten Of Us had such a promising title. Ashley's hands dart down to his crotch as the camera pulls back. Sweet Jesus, that was wonderful. End of recap. See ya next week.
Come on. That's all that was worth recapping anyway. Oh, fine. Half-naked Ashley stands in front of his closet full of t-shirts, but just picks out that same gray tie-dyed monstrosity with the cross silkscreened onto it. In a voice-over, Ashley tells us that Shrilli is a big "question mark" in his life. We see a shot of a photo album. If only Shrilli were as quiet, innocent, and full of sweet memories as a purple photo album.