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Turns out Wendy's husband Shane is a jazz pianist and composer. And he's really, really talented! At least, that's what everyone in Lipstick-land thinks. Hoping to encourage Shane to use his gifts, Wendy submits a demo of his work (under a different name, and behind his back) to the director of a Parador film, who contacts Shane and expresses interest in hiring him as a composer. At first, Shane is annoyed, but he warms to the idea. Wendy, talking to the director, is so excited to hear that he likes Shane's music that she IDs Shane as her husband -- before the director has made a final decision. Shane gets the composing job, which thrills him, but now Wendy wonders whether he really got it on his own merits.
You know who else is really, really talented? Victory! Her dress designs, stolen by former assistant Reese, are now in production under a major designer's label. Reese comes by Victory's place to apologize, but she doesn't cop to selling the sketches; she makes herself out to be the victim of ambition (which led her to take the sketches) and an unscrupulous potential employer (who memorized them and used them as his own). Victory sees through this act, shockingly, and plans a major showdown at a charity ball hosted by Nico. Reese, Victory, and the rival designer, in one room! Victory, wearing one of her own designs, from her rival's new line! The setup is promising, but the confrontation fizzles: Victory confronts Reese; Reese accuses Victory of building a career on her powerful friends; their fight briefly turns physical; the rival designer doesn't seem to care about any of this. Things are looking up for Vic, though; a potential investor has materialized, and he sees potential in her red-carpet dress for Chloe Jamison.
Hey, you know who else is really, really talented? Kirby! So says Nico when she's admiring his work and having breakfast at his place. (Charles is out of town.) Before falling into bed with Kirby again, Nico tries to set up some rules for their affair, but she breaks most of them herself over the course of the episode. She asks Wendy to find Kirby a job on a Parador movie set. Then she drops by to watch him work and gets jealous when he catches the eye of a starlet on the set. Kirby and the starlet go to the abovementioned charity ball together, making Nico jealous, but Kirby later declares that he wants only to be with Nico. They have yet more sex as the episode fades out, and it looks like Nico may be putting her heart into it this time. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
This week's "Previously..." opener reminds us that Victory was betrayed by her two-faced assistant, Reese, several weeks ago, which means we're finally going to get the payoff! Yes! We are also reminded that Wendy's husband Shane has issues with being the non-breadwinning, stay-at-home Healy. They picked the mumbliest of his mumbly lines on this topic, so it's hard to catch what he's saying, but you don't really need to hear it, because if you've been watching the show you'll know that they've been reminding us about Shane's Househusband Insecurities every single week since they were heavy-handedly established in Episode 1. Those issues haven't manifested themselves in his behavior so far -- he seems quite supportive and grounded to me -- but they want us to think Shane is a bomb of masculine insecurity that could go off at any second. I keep expecting Wendy to come home and find a note that says, "Gone to live in tent in REAL jungle -- must find myself -- I am a MAN! (Casserole in fridge for dinner.)" Maybe tonight. Finally, in three seconds we get the extremely abridged tale of Nico and Kirby: adultery, lawsuit, reunion.
Tonight we find the girls (and Shane) at a jazz club, although the establishing shot puts them at "Sushiden Restaurant" (which, by the way, has a pretty hilarious website). It sounds like they've managed to find the only place in New York where you can still hear lite rock-jazz fusion played live. Normally -- barring time-travel -- you'd have to go to the fitting rooms of a low-end department store, or be put on hold by your doctor's office, to hear this sort of crap. Although I wouldn't have pegged Wendy and friends as smooth-jazz enthusiasts, they seem really into the music. Of course, they also seem to have been drinking since noon, so that probably explains their enthusiasm. "Shane, why did you ever leave these guys? They're fantastic!" gushes Victory. Wendy non-sequiturs, "They did a lot of original stuff, and Shane wrote most of it." Shane replies modestly, as you would if someone accused you of having written the garbage we've just heard. Yeesh. Then a voice says, "Excuse me, are you Victory Ford?" A pretty young woman introduces herself as "Serena" (I guess it might be important to know that name, someday), and the much-older man she's with as "Diego." Serena says she loved the dress Vic designed for Chloe Jamison, and that she wants one for herself. Victory tells them that it was a one-of-a-kind design she has no plans to mass-produce. Diego remarks that this is too bad, because his lady friend "would buy one in every color." I like how he just assumes that it would be produced in other colors -- because, you know, pretty much any other color would be an improvement over the one Victory chose originally. Victory thanks them and ends the conversation, like she's dying to get back to talking Muzak with Shane. The other girls think it's cool that Vic got recognized, but she's humiliated that she had to tell strangers about her limited production plans. Wendy proposes a toast anyway. They all clink glasses tipsily. Then Nico's phone rings (oh, no, don't worry about turning off your ringer; it's not like you're at a live musical performance or anything like that), and she announces that the call/text/whatever is from Charles, who is currently in Vienna. Boy, it's a shame that he's missing this big night out! Victory gets up from the table, saying that she's going to fetch Joe. Then the bandleader calls Shane up onstage to join the group. We see a weird montage of people clapping, to show how very excited the strangers in the audience are about hearing Shane play whatever instrument he plays. (This place must serve extremely potent drinks.) After protesting that he hasn't played live in ages, Shane hops up onstage and takes his seat at the piano, and Wendy confesses to Nico that she is both frightened and turned on by this scenario. Shane looks confident as he leads the band in what sounds like a rendition of the theme song to The Cosby Show.
Joe is outside the club in his car, talking business on his cell. Victory hears the end of a call about some sort of land-development deal, and accuses Joe of "playing dirty." Her philosophy, in business as in life: "I think people treat you the way that you treat them." Yeah, try buying a private jet with that, honey. Antisocial Joe tries to get out of having to go inside and make nice with Victory's friends. "We could pop in a Coltrane CD and start our own party right here," he suggests smarmily. Better yet, why don't you bring that CD inside and pay the club manager to ditch the band? Everybody wins! Victory doesn't care for Joe's idea, so into the club they go together. Wait till you taste the drinks, Joe.
When Vic and her man reenter the club, drunk Nico and Wendy hail them with a very loud, unison cry of "Joooooooooooe!" It's unsettling to say the least. Give Joe points for sitting down anyway. He recognizes Shane onstage and asks Wendy, "Isn't that your husband?" Nico declares that Shane is "really good," and that he should be "doing something with his music." Joe is confused: "I thought he was a restaurateur?" Victory says, "Yeah, you missed a lot," and then all three women smile slyly. This seems unfair, unless Joe was invited to the writers' meeting where it was decided that Shane would no longer be in the restaurant business. Come to think of it, none of us in the audience were invited to that meeting, either. And let me tell you something, show: loose ends and sloppy writing are bad enough without you rubbing our noses in the mess you made. Shame on you. Anyway, once that's done, we get a long, embarrassing montage of Shane and company doing their mid-'80s, sax-heavy thing up on the stage. They sound kind of like the band Ira played with in the early seasons of Mad About You. Or the band from Saturday Night Live -- you know that awful faux-jazz music that somehow seems to signify "New York" on television? It sounds like that. Finally -- mercifully -- the set is over. Lonely Nico glances over at Joe and Victory, canoodling like newlyweds, and looks thoughtful.
Wendy hurries backstage to catch up to Shane. She's gone from being half nervous and half turned-on to being fully hot for his piano-playing body, so they duck into the green room to get it on.
Outside the club, Joe and Victory offer Nico a ride home in Joe's car, but Nico wants to "walk up Madison" because she needs "air" -- meaning, naturally, that she wants to take a taxi to Kirby's because she needs some hot sex. "Downtown," she tells the cab driver who picks her up as Joe and Vic drive away. When you're the EiC of Bonfire, there's no need to get more specific than that.
In the green room, Wendy stops kissing Shane long enough to remark that he should play with his smooth-jazz pals more often. He resentfully jokes, "When? Before Taylor's karate class or after helping Maddie with her homework?" Well, the evenings would seem like the obvious choice to me -- but I guess that would require Wendy's coming home after work instead of going straight to happy hour with the girls. So Shane can forget about that.
We cut from Wendy and Shane making out to Joe and Victory making out in the back seat of Joe's car. For some reason, the car comes to a dead stop in front of a department store, and stays there while traffic whizzes by. Perhaps Joe's driver has instructions to pull over whenever it looks like Joe might make it to second base? A sudden stop could ruin everything! So there they are, stopped at the curb for no reason. Victory opens her eyes and sees something that makes her pull away from Joe and jump out of the car. The store's window display reads "Ricardo Bragini," but Victory points and cries, "That's my dress!" She goes along the window, pointing to each mannequin: "That's my dress, and that's my dress..." The best part about this scene is that Joe assumes Victory means she wants to own the dresses, even as she gets more and more hysterical about it. That's how childish he thinks Victory is. He just assumes she's having a cow here on the sidewalk in the middle of the night because she saw some pretty dresses she wants to buy. And it doesn't bother him! He tells her that he'll "close the store" tomorrow to let her shop if she'll get back in the car for now. What a stellar couple they are. Anyway, Victory finally explains that she designed these dresses, duh. And Bragini stole her designs!
Nico drops by Kirby's "downtown" walkup, which is pretty much exactly as I imagined it would be. (Except -- is that a rotary phone? Is Kirby even old enough to know how a rotary phone works?) Nico is drunk and giggly, but she can still multitask: while she removes Kirby's clothes, she starts laying down rules that he must follow if their fling is to continue. For example: they have to act like strangers in public; he can't contact her at home. To demonstrate how seriously he's taking all of this, Kirby writes down Nico's rules on a chalkboard. His shirt is already off, and I should note that we'll be seeing a lot of shirtless Kirby in this episode. There's one advantage of visiting him at home. Nico finds this cute, I think -- the writing and/or the shirtlessness -- but I can't say for sure, because I'm so distracted by the noisy, obtrusive music cue that kicks in to accompany Kirby's chalkboard act. Sometimes I think this show is just a really trumped-up vehicle for new and unremarkable pop songs.
Speaking of music -- and speaking of taking your shirt off -- it's time for the theme song! Woo! The captions have gone back to the boring "Take your share" translation, but I don't think I trust them, because they also claim that the vocalist sings, "We do what we want, too," where she is plainly saying "We do what we want to do." I guess the more significant question would be, why bother captioning this at all? This is not for listening! It's for dancing! It may be the most fun we'll have all hour!
Breakfast time at the Healy house. Wendy puts on a CD of Shane's weird funk music -- clearly labeled "SHANE HEALY DEMO," so we won't be confused -- while Shane pours a bowl of "Cap'n Munch." (More work went into making that mock-up cereal box than went into making that ridiculous book jacket two episodes back, even though the book jacket was a plot element and this is just set dressing. One hopes this means they fired the old props master.) Shane is embarrassed by this musical stroll down memory lane, as well he should be, because it sounds like the bumper music they play on the Weather Channel during "Local on the 8s." Maddie is suspicious of her parents' flirty vibe. "I like this music," she comments, probably hoping to snap them out of it. "You should," says Wendy. "You were conceived to it." That right there is an entire chapter of my "Wendy Healy Stinks At Parenting" best-seller. This stuff just writes itself. Maddie, disgusted, hurries off to school. At Shane's request (and mine!), Wendy removes the CD from the stereo, but then she slips the CD and case into her bag and runs out the door.
When Kirby wakes up on his sofa bed, Nico is sitting at his kitchen table, admiring his artwork. This episode is relying on the old "Character A is a great artist, and we know it's true because Character B says so" trope in all three of its plotlines -- a tired cliché hat trick! Kirby, like Shane, is self-deprecating about his talent. Everybody roll your eyes as Nico intones, "They're not mediocre, Kirby...they're really good..." Fortunately, we won't be hearing any more about Kirby's supposed genius for a while, as he now notes -- less acidly than he might -- that he hasn't had much luck getting artistic work since he got fired by Patti Blume (Patty Bloom?). Nico apologizes for getting him canned, but Kirby can't stay mad when Nico's sitting in his apartment wearing one of his shirts! Then Kirby notices that more adultery rules were added to the chalkboard while he was sleeping. My favorite one is "No pet names." I'm not sure I see the point of that. Especially when your real names are "Kirby" and "Nico." At that point, it seems to me, you should be embracing the opportunity to call each other anything else. Sensing that it's time to be serious, Kirby asks, "When am I going to see you again?" in a plaintive tone that seems uncalled for, considering that Nico is in his apartment and not in any hurry to leave. But hey, he still doesn't have a shirt on, so I suppose we're not meant to be listening too closely to what he's saying.
Victory is standing in her home/studio, flanked by dress forms wearing the very designs Ricardo Bragini stole. (I assume she had these dresses already? Or did she buy the Bragini ones just so that she could inspect them?) She fumes visibly as she punches the buttons on her cell phone, sending out a bat signal to the other girls. Seriously: there's a hilarious split-screen showing Wendy and Nico walking down different streets on their way to work. Each checks her phone, sees that Victory needs help, and dashes out of the frame -- and it's especially weird because they both turn toward the center and it looks like they're running into each other. That's Lipstick for you! Pushing the envelope!
Once the Superfriends have assembled at Victory's, she tells them the whole tale of how Ricardo Bragini stole her designs. She is rigid with fury. Bragini is a full-on brand, she explains, so she can't do anything to retaliate. She can't find her original sketches, so she has no proof that Bragini stole the designs, and she doesn't have any legal recourse, because don't get her started on how copyright protection doesn't extend to fashion. The girls try to say helpful things, but Victory doesn't want to hear it, so she dismisses them, saying that she can handle it on her own. They get up to leave, and she barks, "Where are you going?!" It's all very "comical." I'm totally "laughing."
The gals are finally released, and we join them on the street as they cluck their tongues over Victory's many setbacks. The conversation turns to Shane and his immense musical talent. Wendy tells Nico that she's planning to pass along Shane's demo to David Hernandez (hee), the director of a film that needs a composer. She thinks Shane would be perfect for the gig. Hmm, is it a remake of Arthur? Or perhaps a light-hearted comedy, set in 1985 Manhattan, about a plucky young Michael J. Fox type working his way up from the mailroom to a major position in an advertising agency, with some hilarious setbacks along the way? Because Shane's sound is a little bit, how shall I say, "dated." (Also "shitty.") Wendy hasn't told Shane about her plans, because she knows he wouldn't like the idea. And she says that she'll make the submission under a different name so that Shane's connection to her won't influence the director's decision. Nico still isn't convinced that this is a good move: "What if the director doesn't think he's as talented as we do?" She doesn't seem to know how these plotlines work. If you say the person is a great artist, they are a great artist. It is established as fact, even if the audience sees no evidence of said greatness. Get with the program, Nico! Wendy says that Shane will never find out if he gets rejected, but Nico observes that Wendy will know. True, but someone has to tell her, right?
Victory is tearing through boxes of still-unpacked stuff from her studio, looking for the missing sketches. Joe advises her to look to her former employees instead: "I am guessing that some of them are as ambitious and driven as you, and not nearly as decent." It's the most sensible thing anyone has said yet, so naturally Victory blows it off and gives Joe a snitty earful about how her staff was like family, which Joe clearly doesn't understand because he does deals with strangers whom he doesn't trust. Joe doesn't hold any of this against Victory; he just leaves and plans to return when she's less PMS-y. (He doesn't say that, but you know he's thinking it.) Victory already knows that Joe is right, though she didn't give him the satisfaction of hearing it; she now calls Reese and leaves a message asking her to call back. "It's kind of important," she sighs.
Wendy approaches assistant Josh with a number of requests. The main thing she wants is for him to send Shane's demo CD -- now labeled "Shane McCormick Demo" -- to David Hernandez; the other two tasks are just there to draw attention away from the CD-sending. But Wendy can't manage to be casual about it; she's actively nervous, and it's pretty hilarious. Once again, I find myself loving the Brooke. I never thought this would happen to me.
Immediately after turning this job over to Josh, Wendy drops in on Nico to tell her how nervous it made her. Nico has a harebrained scheme of her own -- one that requires her to tell Wendy that she's still in contact with former sexual-harassment accuser Kirby. Just the idea that Kirby has called Nico on the phone is so outrageous to Wendy that Nico decides to let her believe that's the extent of their contact. She explains that she feels bad for getting Kirby fired, and begs Wendy to find him something to do on a Parador movie set.
Unless you're paying lots of attention to the costumes, you might not realize that the scene is supposed to take place on a different day. It is the day, in fact, and Victory wants Roy to stop fussing over her. She claims she has recovered from the shock of the Bragini incident, and she has a busy day ahead. Roy reminds her that she has an appointment with a potential investor, Diego Quintero, but Vic blows it off and tells Roy to reschedule. Then the doorbell rings -- it's Reese, and she's contrite! "Please don't kill me," she whimpers. I think Victory should leave that to Roy. Fashion Assistant Cage Match!
We go to commercial with another one of those pathetic teasers for the rest of the episode. Get this -- after the ads, the show will offer further developments in a plotline that has already been established! This is groundbreaking stuff, people. Groundbreaking. Don't change the channel!
When we get back to Victory's, Reese is not wrestling with Roy. (We never get to see anything fun.) Instead, she is weepily confessing that it's her fault Bragini stole Victory's designs. She hands over the sketches she stole and tells her sad tale, with equal measures of self-loathing and self-pity: she panicked when Victory started laying off her staff, and she passed Victory's work off as her own because she cracked under the pressure of a second interview with Bragini. But she only showed him the sketches once, she swears! He must have memorized them! "I feel so horrible," Reese blubbers. It's a mesmerizing performance (from the hilarious Kerry Butler). Reese is a much better villain than Janice Lasher, and I'm hoping they'll find some reason to bring her back. Actually, they should just spin them both off into their own show. And Roy too. Who wouldn't watch that?
Shane is in Wendy's office, sulking, when Wendy walks in. He's there because he got a call from David Hernandez's office expressing interest in his demo. Wendy starts in about how he's so talented and she just wanted to share his greatness with the world, but Shane resents Wendy's going over his head, and accuses, "You did this because this is what you want for me." (He draws the "yeeeeeew" out deliciously. Sigh, that accent...) "I don't want to be offered a job just because I'm your husband," Shane spits. But he softens a bit when he learns that Wendy used a pseudonym for the submission. I don't know how Hernandez (or his assistant) managed to leave a voicemail message without finding out the truth -- Shane's outgoing message doesn't state his full name? Hernandez didn't use the full name when he stated his business? -- but whatever. Shane still claims he's not interested, but Wendy convinces him to pursue the job -- not for her sake, but for his.
Wendy comes home to find Shane watching a rough cut of the Hernandez film. Without making eye contact, she asks whether Shane has been offered the job. Not yet, he tells her, but they asked him to "lay down a few tracks" for the opening scenes. He seems very pleased to be a contender for the position, but he can't help noticing Wendy doesn't seem pleased at all. This makes Shane suspicious. Wendy, still avoiding his gaze, gives him an unconvincing speech about how she knows the business is competitive and she just doesn't want him to work hard and then get hurt. Based on scenes like this, I think, if Shane really had issues we needed to worry about, he would have left long ago. The man is clearly a saint for putting up with this hot-and-cold crap. (Boy, all our girls are mood-swingy this week, aren't they? Maybe they're cycling together.)
Nico shows up at Kirby's. Charles is still out of town, so if you were hoping to see any further movement on the one truly interesting part of this whole mess -- i.e., the possibility that Charles might also be cheating -- you will have to wait. Hell, we'll be lucky if Charles is still a history professor by the time we see him again. He might have switched to running a restaurant or something. Anyway, Nico is wearing a hilarious skull-and-crossbones charm on her big gold necklace, possibly to intimidate her young lover. Kirby thought it was "hot" that she stopped by the set to watch him work, but Nico just wants to hear more about his conversations with Sasha Winters. Trying not to sound jealous, Nico grills Kirby: Oh, she gave you her phone number, that's nice! You should call her! "Who wants her?" asks Kirby. "I have you." "No, Kirby, you don't have me," Nico corrects him. "My husband has me." Weird that this detail should be so important to Nico all of a sudden, isn't it? She goes on to insist that Kirby go out with Sasha, because if he turns her down because of his feelings for Nico, he's clearly violating the no-romantic-involvement rule that Nico has established. Kirby looks hurt -- he should call Shane! They can talk about how chicks are just crazy sometimes! Am I right? -- and by this point, Nico has gotten herself so worked up and so twisted around, trying to disguise her jealousy as something other than jealousy, that she has no choice but to leave in a huff. Kirby didn't even have a chance to take off his shirt! Their whole vibe is starting to feel a little like Sunset Boulevard, but without the satire.
The first ad of the break features Candace Bushnell herself, and I don't know what I was expecting her to look like, but it wasn't that. I'm fascinated by the way she talks. What is going on there?
After the commercials, it's time for the fundraiser! I still have no idea what cause we're raising money for, but let's see if there are any clues. The party seems to be in an art gallery...There is actual jazz music playing...Hey, look: a guy with an eye patch! Is this fundraiser for pirates? That would explain the skull-and-crossbones jewelry! It's all making sense now. And look who's walking in: it's Charles Busch! I've been waiting for Busch to appear since I saw his name in the opening credits, and now that he's finally on the scene, I'm a little confused. He's not in drag -- he's playing Ricardo Bragini -- yet he's wearing more makeup, and a less convincing wig, than I've ever seen him wear before. He also has a weird accent when he speaks, and on top of that, one of his three lines is completely overdubbed. I would LOVE to know what Busch/Bragini is actually saying, because it's so completely different from the line that made it to the air (insulting Nico: "At what age should a woman cover her neck?") that it's like we're watching a dubbed Godzilla movie for a minute, and it makes me wonder whether the original dialogue was too scandalous to air. Oh, anyway: Bragini is bitchy to Nico. That's what we're supposed to get from that scene.
On a balcony that wraps around the room, we find Reese, dribbling a martini down the front of her dress and looking like a little girl who just got permission to stay up late for the grownups' party. With the go-for-broke mugging and the screwball vibe, Reese is growing on me with every scene, I must say. Victory and Joe enter on the main level, but Victory mysteriously refuses to check her coat. Reese spots her old boss and hurries down to meet her, but Nico gets there first and chews out Victory for making her invite Bragini. Reese calls to Victory from across the room, and then runs over and thanks her for the invitation to this "amazing" party. So that's what the extra ticket was for. Victory smiles tightly and reintroduces Reese to Nico. Joe excuses himself, and Victory makes a show of asking him to check her coat as he goes. She takes it off to reveal -- surprise! -- the red dress she'd made from the design Bragini stole! Reese recognizes it and blanches. "It looks so good on you!" she stammers (and by the way, it really doesn't). "Let's go mingle!" says Victory. Reese whimpers. As they leave, Nico turns and sees starlet Sasha Winters entering with her date -- one Kirby Atwood. Sad music tells us how Nico feels about that.
In her office, Wendy gets a call from David Hernandez, who tells her that Shane got the composing job. He sounds pretty glum, and Wendy can't tell whether that's his normal social awkwardness coming across, or whether he's terse because he feels like he was railroaded into hiring Shane. Hernandez ends the call quickly, leaving Wendy wondering.
Victory gossips with Reese as they circulate, lulling her into a false sense of security. Then she spots Bragini across the room and pretends to be surprised to see him there. "That monster should be locked up behind bars," she scowls. "He makes me sick!" Reese agrees. "Let's leave!" This is the moment when things start to fall apart for Reese, and I know what you're thinking: this is going to be good! And so, to be fair, I should tell you right now that it isn't going to be good. I can see why you would expect that, but don't count on it. So, Reese is trying to convince Victory that confronting Bragini is a bad idea. A catering guy tells them that they can't stay where they are -- ducked out of sight in the kitchen entrance -- so Victory pulls the stricken Reese back into the crowd.
Elsewhere, Nico is watching from afar as Kirby and Sasha get drinks at the bar. Sasha spots Nico and comes over to greet her and "introduce" her date. "Please, enjoy yourselves," says Nico stiffly. "We plan to," answers Kirby, smirking in the very manner that got them in trouble in the first place. Where's Mike Harness when you need him? Sasha giggles and hangs on Kirby's arm, as though Kirby has just said something hilarious. Nico excuses herself before she vomits.
Victory drags protesting Reese out into a rooftop sculpture garden and drops the friendly pretenses. She accuses Reese of selling her sketches, and Reese sees that her back is to the wall, so she drops her own innocent-fawn act and tries offering Vic a percentage of the proceeds. Outraged, Victory says, "You obviously learned nothing from me!" Reese shoots back that what she learned from Victory was how to take advantage of powerful connections to get ahead. It's funny that she says this as though getting ahead through connections is rare in New York, in any industry. Victory sees red: "You think my friendships are based on agenda?!" I'm still wondering what exactly they are based on, but I guess we won't find out tonight. Victory turns to go back inside and talk to Bragini herself. Desperate, Reese grabs the back of Victory's dress and tears it, although she does not manage to expose Victory's underwear, which I was fully expecting. (This show has broken my will.) Angry Vic gives Reese a shove, knocking her into some sort of trough full of ice.
The catering manager calls Nico's attention to the catfight now in progress in the sculpture garden. Joe starts to intercede, but Nico holds him back: "My party, my call." So Victory drags Reese back inside, and they both run to Bragini. "I didn't design the stupid dress she's wearing, okay?" Reese admits. "Or the other two sketches you bought from me! They're hers!" Only three? Victory claimed more than that when she saw the dresses in the window. Maybe she was exaggerating. Bragini sneers, "No, they're mine. I believe the label says 'Ricardo Bragini.'" But...not on the one Victory's wearing, right? Because she made it herself, which was the point of her wearing it, right? Hello? Joe, now at Victory's side, retorts, "It might. But that dress could've only come from Victory Ford." Um...zing? Then Joe asks Victory if she'd like to call it a night, and they walk off together. Nico sizes up Reese and says, "You're melting, dear...melting." And...that's it! That is the big climactic confrontation. No major embarrassment for the villainous Bragini. No repercussions for the conniving Reese. Nobody got served. No victory for Victory. I told you not to get too excited.
At home, Nico hangs out in her walk-in closet, checking her phone for messages. Nothing. She looks sadly at her wall of expensive shoes. All the animal-print heels in the world can't comfort you now, Nico. She takes a drink. She broods. She listens to the obligatory music cue. Then she grabs her purse and leaves.
Wendy arrives home from a screening (looks like she got out of attending Nico's stupid fundraiser) to find Shane in bed. He's in the mood to celebrate, because, guess what? He got the job on the Hernandez film! He's adorably psyched about it, especially knowing he got the gig on his own merits. Wendy holds her tongue and looks tormented.
Whoa, Kirby's apartment number is the same as mine! I know, because Nico is at Kirby's door -- another rule broken. When Kirby answers, he's shirtless -- of course -- and he only opens the door enough to poke his head out. She asks whether he's alone, and he tells her he has company. She turns to leave, but -- ho ho -- he meant Nico is his company! Oh, the light-hearted games lovers play. I guess Kirby is entitled to a little jerking-around, though. He now lets Nico in and calls her on her rule-breaking. She starts asking about his date with Sasha, but Kirby cuts her off: "I'm not playing this game." Hooray for Kirby! He tells her he's not interested in going on any more dates that she arranges for him with other women, because he knows he wants to be with Nico. She confesses that she wanted their arrangement to be casual and unemotional, but that it isn't working out that way. "So what are you saying?" asks shirtless Kirby. As a response, Nico picks up the chalkboard eraser and starts to rub out all their rules. Kirby goes to her and grabs her, and as they kiss, the camera pans down to the eraser in Nico's hand. Artsy.
Victory, on her couch in her jammies, checks out the coverage of last night's brawl on a gossip site called "Gotham Gazer." Glutton for punishment that I am, I paused the shot of the laptop screen so I could read the text. Sample excerpt: "The icicle-trimmed contenders, donning torn dresses and bruised egos, stormed back into the party..." Also, the whole thing is only about 100 words long, and they still manage to call Bragini both "Ricardo" (correct) and "Roberto" (incorrect). I don't know why I keep trying, but seriously, props people: do your jobs with pride! America is watching! Anyway, unpausing and continuing with the scene: Roy calls about coming in to work, but Victory tells him to stay home. Then the doorbell rings, and guess who it is? The rich guy from the jazz club! Diego what's-his-name...let's call him Diego Exmachina. He sits down with Victory, and they talk through the economics of fashion design -- designers make money by mass-marketing their stuff, so designing a dress is only worthwhile for Victory if she gets an order for a thousand copies. Diego has only one girlfriend (that we know of), but he also happens to be a venture capitalist who's looking to get into the fashion industry, and he thinks Victory is "a damn good investment." Victory decides that this would be a good moment to put on clothes, so she leaves Diego on her couch and hurries upstairs. He can look at Gotham Gazer while she's gone.
Oh, did you wonder what Nico and Kirby were going to do after we left them? Did the thing with the eraser confuse you? We cut back to them now, and they're having sex. So you can stop wondering. After all, you wouldn't want the episode to end without one more look at shirtless Kirby, would you?