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Wendy gets a tip about an authentic Harry Potter prequel and has her eye on the film rights for Parador. She gushes to Nico, who ends up using the tip to get Hector off her back during a tense Bonfire meeting. Hector wants both women to go to Scotland to try to seal the deal with J.K. Rowling. Wendy says she needs to stay home to help out while Shane is busy composing his film score, so Nico, on a whim, invites Kirby to come along. Meanwhile, supportive Shane convinces Wendy to take the trip and stop Nico from stealing her thunder. Nico is shocked to see Wendy on the plane, and probably glad she told Kirby to fly separately; that means they can delay the moment of discovery until they're all gathered awkwardly in the hotel lobby. Wendy isn't interested in making nice with Nico's boyfriend, so Kirby -- very agreeable now that he has Nico -- heads home early, leaving Wendy and Nico to bicker and hurt each other's feelings. A jab from Wendy about Nico's questionable morals -- "Thank God you're not a mother" -- lands particularly hard. Back in the states, Wendy tries to smooth things over, but Nico isn't ready to forgive her yet. Shane, meanwhile, has landed another film-scoring job in the lucrative smooth-jazz market. Elsewhere: things have been really busy at Victory Ford Studios since Diego Exmachina showed up with his buckets of money. He's so generous, and so unquestioning, that Victory's starting to get suspicious. She is distracted for a while by the equally generous (and equally creepy) Joe, who invites her to move in with him and dedicates an entire wing of his mansion to her upkeep. Despite the separate beds, Victory swoons -- until she discovers that Joe is the one bankrolling her business, with Diego as his decoy. Joe defends his decision, claiming that investing in small businesses is the best he has to offer, but Victory can't get past the deceit, so she sends him packing. But don't worry, Andrew McCarthy fans: Joe still owns the business!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!After the typically frantic "Previously..." opening, we find ourselves at Victory's place. At least, it looks like Victory's brownstone -- I recognize those gorgeous kitchen tiles -- but something's different. It's full of people. People doing actual work. Could this have something to do with Diego "Exmachina" Quintero, the easy-to-impress venture capitalist who showed up last week wanting to invest in Victory's work? Victory herself is not working, of course: she's on the phone with Joe, who is in Chicago, walking down a street, asking Victory what she's wearing. Let's make a list of people who don't want to listen to Victory and Joe have phone sex: 1) The people within earshot of Victory. 2) The strangers within earshot of Joe. 3) Me. Fortunately for all of us, the kinky conversation never gets off the ground. It turns into a screwball comedy routine, a succession of strained "No, not you, I was talking to so-and-so" jokes. Andrew McCarthy wrings a laugh out of me, I have to admit, but I'm happy when the connection drops out and we end on Victory's pouty face.
Over at the Healy home, Wendy and Shane are having in-person sex -- though we can only see their legs poking out from under the covers. Wendy is worried that the kids will hear, but Shane is on cloud nine from all his recent composing work, and before he starts making breakfast he wants to finish the job at hand. As they gasp for air, they argue about who has to take Taylor to school this morning. The fact that they're still giggling and smooching makes me think they'll work it out.
We go back to Victory's place, where colorful design sketches are taped up all over the walls, making the house look like a preschool classroom -- insert "Victory-is-childish" joke here. Nico is there, too, for reasons we are not given. Victory complains about how hard it is to find some privacy when she wants to have a little phone sex. In Nico's shoes I'd probably say, "WHY would you TELL me that EW!" But Nico does the best thing and mocks the idea of having a sexy conversation with Joe, moaning about the NASDAQ being up. The talk turns to Quintero, whom our captioner (Marsha at CaptionMax) thinks is named "Contero," and whom Nico has nicknamed "caveman" for reasons I can't begin to guess. (Cavemen...have a lot of money?) That Nico is just a bundle of mysterious motivations! She tells Victory she's suspicious of this Diego guy, with his limitless funds. Victory shrugs: "He's a venture capitalist; he's capitalizing on my venture." Hee. She assures Nico that Joe knows Diego and approves of the arrangement.
Now it's Victory's turn to be suspicious, because she can't help noticing how radiant Nico looks, and she wants to know why. Nico lies that she's been working out. (Well, I guess that's not a total lie.) Then Wendy's voice calls out a greeting from the front hall, and Victory yells back, "You're late!" Late for what? Is this the "Asian distributors" conference call Wendy told Shane she had to get to? I mean...look, these three characters can be either very busy, very powerful professional women or inseparable, utterly codependent girlfriends, but I refuse to accept the premise that they can be both at once. It's the middle of the damn day. But okay, fine, Wendy is late for her coffee klatch at Victory's busy studio (where everyone works except Victory!). She tells the gals about an exciting tip she picked up outside Taylor's school this morning: J.K. Rowling has an unpublished prequel to the Harry Potter series, and the publishing and film rights are up for grabs! Wendy drools over how awesome it would be to get the movie rights for Parador. Nico anticipates a boost in sales for Bonfire if they could print "a chapter or two." So apparently what the Bonfire readership really wants -- in addition to racy photos of the heir to the British throne -- is an excerpt from a fantasy novel on a fifth-grade reading level. I never would have guessed. But I guess that's why Nico makes the big bucks (when she's not spending her day sitting around at Victory's, that is). Wendy orders Nico to keep the Rowling tip a secret until she, Wendy, can figure out how to proceed. Then she narrows her eyes at Nico and asks, "Why do you look so good?" Nico, now under intense scrutiny, pledges to "come clean," but then she credits her newfound radiance to a fad diet. Oh, it's a diet all right. All stud muffin, all the time!
up, it's meeting time at Matrick-Verner, and neither Hector nor Mike Harness wants to know why Nico's glowing. Hector is shouting about lousy numbers, and Mike is subtly blaming Nico for the new website's poor showing. (I wonder if it's anywhere near as laughable as BonfireMagazine.com?) Desperate to save face -- and show up Mike -- Nico says, "What if we got our hands on the unpublished prequel to Harry Potter?" Hector does not laugh her out of the room, so I guess he too is hoping to grab that elusive middle-school market. Look out, Highlights magazine! Once Nico goes after Goofus and Gallant, it's all over!
Victory is now playing host to Diego "Contero" Quintero himself. She's floating the idea of moving operations to another space, so she can go back to having midmorning phone sex in peace. Diego tells her to pick a place and send him the bill. "Let me know; I will make it happen," he murmurs, in that quasi-sexy, quasi-menacing voice of his. Then he leaves, having declined to look over any of Victory's sketches -- she's the "engine," he says; he merely supplies the gasoline. As Diego leaves, Victory asks Roy, "Is he for real?" Roy replies, "As far as fairy godfathers go, you hit the jackpot." He takes a quick breath before continuing, but the scene cuts away at that moment, leaving the rest of his speech unheard. This is what happens when you don't have a chance to reshoot. What do you think Roy was about to say? Will not knowing keep you up at night?
Wendy swings by the Bonfire floor with a DVD for Hector just as Nico and the boys are leaving their meeting. Hector congratulates Wendy on her success with the Rowling scoop. "Have a good trip," he tells her, emphasizing each word in that unsettlingly intense way of his. Then he hurries off to a meeting. Nico opens her mouth to start making excuses, but Wendy clenches her teeth and says, "I need a pretzel."
The scene continues on the street, where Wendy is controlling her anger with a hot starchy treat. Wendy is livid that Nico spilled her secret. Nico is very briefly apologetic before she moves on to claiming that getting Hector involved was a good idea, since they now have the resources they need to seal the deal with Rowling. But that would require taking the corporate jet to Scotland for a few days, which Wendy can't manage -- she's already committed to being "available" while Shane is busy working on his music. Nico will have to go to Scotland on her own.
Charles, Nico's husband, is apparently still in Vienna, doing whatever he's doing (opening a restaurant? Meeting up with the members of the jazz fusion combo he once played with?), so Nico gets to spend her afternoon on Kirby's fold-out couch getting a foot massage. He wants her to "come back and spend the night," but she does him one better by inviting him to join her in Scotland. The idea of walking around together in the open air trumps the logistical issues (they'd have to fly separately and get separate rooms, Nico points out), and Kirby accepts the invitation immediately. I suppose he can get someone to cover his shifts behind the bar. And if he can't, Nico can get some other photographer fired for no reason, creating a suddenly-desperate-for-work person who will be more than happy to fill in.
Theme song! Woo! I don't need to rewatch this part, but I usually do anyway. Instead of telling us what's coming up , they should just rerun the theme song halfway through the show. That would perk me right up.
The morning, Wendy and Shane are collaborating on sandwiches for the kids' lunches while Wendy tells Shane about the Rowling situation. Shane gently reminds his wife that, best friend or no, Nico is ruthless when it comes to self-promotion. Wendy corrects him, saying she wasn't exactly "stepped on" -- after all, Nico did give Wendy credit for the tip. She was just "stepped over." But she takes his point. Shane says Wendy should go on the trip to Scotland and make sure she gets a share of what's hers. Now that they're both busy with work, he says, they'll have to find a way to adjust. Wendy, concerned: "Does this involve selling our children?" Shane, equally sincere: "Possibly." Heh. Wendy hesitates, but Shane insists that he can manage at home while she's gone. So off Wendy goes to get dressed.
We discover Nico aboard the corporate jet, calmly waiting for takeoff and reading an issue of Bonfire (it should surprise no one to learn that the article she's reading is entitled "Fore Play!"). Ordinarily, by the time a magazine gets to print, the entire editorial staff is sick of the sight of it. But I suppose Nico has been too busy with her own "foreplay" to read any of the feature articles she's been signing off on lately. So this is all fresh to her. (She's thinking, "An article on golf? Wait, isn't this magazine for 11-year-olds?") Wendy pops up beside Nico, and Nico tries to look pleasantly surprised to see her. Then she calls for a cocktail, but it looks like what she really needs is an oxygen mask. Nico, you are so busted!
We go from the plane to an art auction. The camera takes its sweet time to fill us in on why we're there -- it's like, "Please enjoy this week's featured pop song while we zoom in and out on a bunch of random paintings!" (Or perhaps, "Please enjoy this montage of the only usable footage we could scrape together to fill empty airtime!") -- but eventually we're allowed to get back to the story in progress. Joe is impressing Victory by guessing the likely status of all the other patrons ("serious buyer...first-timer..."). She's a sucker for a rich snob, so she finds this charming, but she's stunned when he stops in front of a particular painting and announces that the bidding will start at $20 million. Just when we think Victory understands how very rich Joe is, he surprises her by throwing around even more money! Joe starts making fun of his girlfriend's naiveté, but then his attention is caught by a guy coming toward him. Before the guy even speaks, I know he must be a smug douchebag. But why? Is it the pink checkered dress shirt paired with the maroon pocket handkerchief? Well, that doesn't help. But no, it's because I recognize this actor as "Doug," the guy who almost broke up Paul and Jamie's marriage when Jamie kissed him at the end of season 4 of Mad About You! Of course, in retrospect, we might have been better off if the show really did end after four seasons. But we didn't know that then! Damn you, Doug!
Anyway, the actor's name is Bradley White, and I'm sure he's a very nice fellow, but he is once again playing a jerk here. He's Joe's particular nemesis, in fact, and you have to get up pretty early in the morning to out-ass Joe. "Still trying to furnish that mausoleum you're living in?" asks the pink-shirted fellow, whom Joe introduces to Victory as "Allan Farrow." (The two-L spelling of "Alan" is very popular with closed-captioners, as I learned from Private Practice.) "You're as beautiful as your designs," says Allan. "Way too good for him!" Let's all take a moment to appreciate Joe's retort: "Marcia didn't think so!" Marcia, whoever she is, didn't think Victory was too pretty for Joe? Huh? Actually, what Joe means is, Marcia didn't think that she, Marcia, was too pretty for Joe. And who is "Marcia"? Allan fills us in when he replies, "And yet, she married me." When Allan walks away, Joe smirks, "I used to date his wife, centuries ago, back in B-school." So not only was Joe's Marcia line a terrible comeback, it was also a deeply assy thing to say in front of Victory, his current girlfriend. Oh, that Joe. Emotional abuse has never been sexier. (Also, he racks up a whole bunch of jerk points for saying "B-school.") Joe explains, with absolutely no shame, that he and Allan are engaged in a longstanding game of one-upsmanship. Victory is understandably put off by the childish rivalry between these two very wealthy men -- or at least, she looks like she knows she ought to be.
Nico is still trying to act calm while the jet carries her ever closer to being discovered as a liar and a cheat. Wendy, trying to snap Nico out of the weird mood she's in, digs through the carry-on packed by the Healy kids and displays her adorable discoveries. She offers Nico a teeny-tiny box of raisins, but Nico declines, claiming she was up late "cramming" for today's meetings, given her relative unfamiliarity with the Harry Potter series. There is a tasteless joke to be made here about Nico being up late "cramming," but I will leave it to your imagination to put it together.
At the art show, Joe is still casually commenting on how much paintings cost, saying things like "You could buy that and still have enough left over to buy a beach house to hang it in." Ho ho, he's so rich! Victory is preoccupied, wondering about Diego and the source of his money. Joe more or less tunes her out, until she says she's not even sure she wants to have the budget Diego wants to give her. Then Joe comments that perhaps she's planning to move her studio too soon. "Working where I sleep isn't really working for me," Victory sighs. "Come stay at my house," says Joe, and then he walks away, to make certain that this invitation is delivered in the least romantic way possible. "Did you just ask me to move in with you?" Victory inquires. Joe says, "I am offering you a temporary solution to your problem." Swoon! Guys who act like they don't care whether you live or die are just the most!
The girls have arrived in Scotland -- or, judging by the ridiculously inauthentic burr on the hotel receptionist, in an Epcot-style simulacrum of Scotland. The not-actually-Scottish receptionist hands Nico a message, telling her it was left for her "tha smarnin'." Wendy asks if it's from Hector, and Nico, acting more shifty by the minute, tells her it's "Bonfire stuff." She had six hours to come clean about Kirby and she couldn't bring herself to do it. This isn't likely to end well. Wendy announces her intention to get a drink at the hotel bar, and Nico excuses herself, saying she'll be down in a little while. Left alone with the receptionist, Wendy asks what it's like to live in the hometown of J.K. Rowling. The receptionist turns away, then says sharply, "Well, it wouldn't do to gossip about a national treasure, now would it?" Her reaction is so completely uncalled for (who said anything about gossip?) that I assumed it would be meaningful later -- is this woman Rowling's former assistant? A spurned lover? What? But it never comes up again, and I think it's supposed to be the first of many "funny" moments in the Wendy Has a Lousy Time in Scotland comic subplot. Seriously -- wait till you see how much time we waste on this. Wendy gathers up her things and gives the bell on the desk a smack as she leaves. That'll show the bitch!
Ellen, Joe's assistant, is giving Victory a tour of Joe's home, and it's all very Sound of Music. You know, "The Captain hasn't used this room since his poor wife died." Victory notes that the room she's standing in (which she's never seen before -- Joe keeps her on a tight leash, I guess) is big enough for to host a hundred people for dancing. "Yeah! I'll suggest that!" Ellen replies, with enthusiasm that stops just short of sarcasm. Then she leads Victory into the wing of the house that Joe has dedicated to her upkeep. It seems he had it done over for her today (I'm guessing Ellen did most of the work). The new additions include a walk-in closet/dressing room full of brand-new dresses and shoes: "Everything a girl could possibly want," Ellen remarks. "All new, all your size." So now it's more like Victory is a twelve-year-old girl and Joe is her recently divorced dad, trying to win her love by buying her stuff. That impression is only cemented by Victory's discovery -- the door that leads to her bedroom. Would you believe she isn't thrilled to learn that Joe has a bedroom set aside just for her? Ellen looks like she tried to tell the boss this might happen...
Back in Scotland, Wendy is hanging out in the hotel lobby, and Kirby is walking through that same lobby, holding his cell phone and yelling that he can't hear whoever is trying to call him. A waiter approaches Wendy and she decides to order a scotch, and we're treated to another mystifying, supposed-to-be-funny exchange between Wendy and a cranky, supposed-to-sound-authentic Scottish person. I'm afraid it bombs on both fronts. Fortunately, Kirby is here to save the day with his cute smile. He sits down across from Wendy and asks what brings her to Scotland. "Work. How about you?" she says. Kirby answers, "A beautiful woman. In fact, I'm waiting for her now." Wendy replies that it just so happens she's waiting for a beautiful woman, too! They laugh politely. Then Nico comes into view, and they both rise to greet her, and, well, it's awkward for everyone. (There has been a lot of palpable awkwardness in this episode, but in this case it's intentional.) After making introductions, Nico sends Kirby off to the bar. Wendy is furious that she spent that whole plane ride wondering why Nico wasn't happy to see her. I think I'm on Wendy's side here. She doesn't even mention the many days of lying that preceded this trip. She does bring up that job she got for Kirby, which Nico let her believe was a long-distance favor just to settle their accounts -- a way of saying "good-bye and good luck," as angry Wendy puts it. Wendy starts to make an angry exit, but Kirby returns with drinks for everyone, so she stays, and we cut to commercial. Talk about a fun cocktail party.
Joe comes home to find Victory in her new dollhouse, lining up her shoes. She seems to have gotten over her disappointment about the separate bedrooms. It turns out Joe missed dinner because of a "late meeting" and didn't bother to let her know, but Victory lets that slide, and she only pouts a little when he says he now has to go return some calls. He makes a date with her for tomorrow night: the art auction, followed by a black-tie dinner. Victory agrees, and Joe starts to walk away, but then she pulls him back and they make out in a manner I can only describe as "violent." I don't get these two at all.
Things are still awkward in the Scottish hotel bar, where we rejoin the non-conversation in action. Kirby tries to make small talk, asking about Wendy's kids. "Teenagers are a handful, huh?" he says amiably. "I'm sure you can relate," Wendy snipes. She can't help herself. She sees Nico and Kirby exchange hopeless looks and apologizes. Kirby tries to make things better by telling Wendy how glad he is to finally meet her, and by thanking her for the job. It doesn't work. There's not enough cuteness in Kirby's face, or beer in Wendy's pint glass, to make this conversation endurable for Wendy. She excuses herself, saying she's "suddenly very tired," and heads to her room. Kirby makes mournful eyes at Nico.
After the commercials, Nico apologizes for bringing Kirby on this trip, and warns him that it won't be the getaway they were hoping for. Kirby tries to look on the bright side, observing that Wendy was nice to him before she realized who he was. He announces his intention to go home early, and won't hear any apologies from Nico -- he says he had a great time taking pictures today. "And it's gonna be okay," he tells Nico. "She's your best friend. She'll deal with it." Wendy thanks Kirby for being "such a trouper," and he says, "I'm not giving you any excuses to get rid of me." You know, now that he's getting regular sex with Nico, Kirby is really a very reasonable guy.
The day, Wendy is sightseeing at Holyrood Palace. (I can tell that's where she's supposed to be because the closed captions indicate that she says so, although she doesn't.) She's also on the phone with Shane, who says he's surprised he caught her -- he assumed she'd be out shopping with Nico. Instead she's standing in the middle of a tour group, shouting into her cell phone. "Look, honey, I've gotta go," she says. "The tour guide's giving me the evil eye." She hangs up, and the guide begins the presentation on the tour. Yes, Wendy was holding up an entire tour because she couldn't walk five yards away to talk to Shane. I'd be giving her a dirty look too -- but I think this is supposed to be one more "funny" example of how the Scots hate Wendy for reasons unknown. As the guide talks, Wendy interrupts his spiel to draw feeble "comic" parallels between Elizabeth I and Bloody Mary and herself and Nico. This is the most painful scene of the entire series so far, and for the first time ever I find myself wondering: Isn't it time we checked in with Victory?
Ah, there she is, arriving at her brownstone studio, where Roy greets her and tells her Diego has come by for a chat. Victory complains about having one rich guy who ignores her in his own house, and another who's far too attentive. Roy is starting to wonder about the Diego situation, too. So Victory sits down with Diego to test their suspicions. She hits him with a string of ridiculous requests -- What if we bred our own sheep? Can we order this endangered bird from China? Diego agrees to fund them all without batting an eye. Roy is stunned. Victory is annoyed.
Wendy's back in her hotel room, which features twin portraits of Elizabeth and Mary Tudor. (Subtle!) Nico enters to tell her that J.K. Rowling's lawyer canceled their meeting. No! I really thought this storyline was going to go all the way! Nico does have a scheme, though -- she knows where Rowling's kid goes to school, and she thinks maybe Wendy could drop by there at pick-up time, find Rowling, "do the whole mom-to-mom thing and feel her out." Wendy is disgusted by this idea. "If somebody came to Taylor or Maddie's school and tried to pitch me a movie, I'd be offended," she says. Amoral Nico observes that Wendy got the tip about the book from a parent at Taylor's school. Wendy shakes her head and says, "It crosses a line." Nico gets passive-aggressive: "Well, I'm sorry I'm not living up to your high moral standards these days." Wendy isn't about to let Nico the adulterer play the victim. That puts Nico on the defensive, so she crows about how much "passion" she's feeling now that she's with Kirby. Wendy scoffs, and Nico starts swinging wild: "What is really bothering you, hmm? Is it that you don't have that in your life?" Girl, please. Wendy is married to Shane. Supportive! Handsome! Sweet! Always up for sex! You are not going to win that one. Wendy tells Nico she can't just support her on this one, since what Nico is doing is so completely wrong, and since Nico's husband is also a friend of Wendy's. "All right, Mother Superior, you made your point," Nico grumbles. "Thank God you're not a mother," Wendy retorts. "What kind of values would those poor kids be growing up with?" Nico looks stung. Wendy is sorry she said it. We linger for a very long time on Nico, who is hurt, and Wendy, who is regretful, just to make sure you get it. That remark was very, very hurtful. We dwell on this for so long that I have to assume there's some reason, not yet revealed, that this was a particularly awful thing to say: Nico has struggled with infertility; Nico is the actual biological mother of Wendy's children; Nico had seven children who all died in a bus crash...something like that. But maybe not. Maybe this is just another of this episode's many instances of screwy editing/time-filling manipulation of footage. That's the fun of watching a new show whose original production schedule was mangled by a lengthy strike! You never know what you're going to get!
After the ads, we see Wendy and Nico heading home on the corporate jet. They're not speaking to each other, and they're sitting in separate parts of the plane -- as they always should have been, honestly. They have an entire jet to themselves. No need to decide who gets the window seat.
While Victory dresses for her night out with Joe, she shares her concerns about Diego the mysterious. What if he's laundering money through her business? Oh, no, this isn't going to turn out to be a "financial impropriety" plotline, is it? Those are totally the worst episodes of Law & Order. Joe advises Victory to drop the conspiracy theories. Then he distracts her by bringing her to the big, unused room she had admired the day. Now it has no furniture in it except a grand piano and a bunch of candles. "Ellen mentioned you saying something about a dance floor," says Joe. "I hope it's all right that it's just us." Oh, it's so much more romantic this way, just the two of them -- plus the pianist and lounge singer that Joe hired to perform "You're Getting To Be a Habit With Me." Remember when Victory complained about Joe's "greatest hits" approach to life? She got over that quick, didn't she?
Kirby is hanging around outside Nico's building when her car pulls up, and the way he steps out of the shadows makes the doorman ask Nico if everything's okay. Don't worry, doorman! He's not suing her anymore! As the doorman goes inside with Nico's bags, Kirby says he knows he shouldn't be there, but he wants to hear about her trip, because they're "friends." Nico's feeling all broody: "Is that what we are?" She tells him to go home, saying she's tired, but he insists on buying her dinner, saying he'll leave it with the doorman. Nico stands there as he walks away, looking pleased in spite of herself. I hope she tips that doorman extra on her way in.
When Wendy reaches her house, she finds Shane in a very chipper mood. He got another film-scoring job while she was away! I guess the smooth-jazz market is more lucrative than I thought. It was my understanding that we were still in the "bland orchestral swelling" era of film scores, with "quirky genre soundtrack" the standard indie alternative. But maybe I need to see more movies. Wendy congratulates him, and dodges his questions about her trip and her success with Nico.
At the art auction, bidding is just about to start for the painting Joe admired -- identified here as "Vincent Van Gogh's L'Arlesienne," although it's not even close. Of course. Joe doesn't seem to mind that this so-called Van Gogh is an obvious fake; he's willing to big millions just to make sure his rival, Allan, doesn't win. As Victory watches them bidding back and forth, she gasps and whispers that Allan must be behind Diego's money! "He's rich, and he found a way to mess with both of us at the same time! It makes total sense!" Without pausing in his quest to throw away lots of money, Joe whispers back that Allan didn't buy her business. "How do you know?" Victory hisses. "Because I did," Joe replies. The auctioneer announces Joe the top bidder, and Victory storms out of the room. So now Joe is down $50 mil and one live-in girlfriend. But he does have a phony Van Gogh to hang in her empty bedroom, and I bet it won't talk back!
After the commercials, we find Victory and Joe at Victory's place (in a room we haven't seen before!). He's still in his tux, but she's wrapped in a robe and sniffling into a drink. "I don't want the man that I'm dating owning me," she says. Now you tell him! Joe has a litany of reasons for going behind Victory's back. He knew she wouldn't allow it; he thought she was a good investment; he wanted to "protect her" from less scrupulous investors; he thought she'd be grateful when she found out; and finally, and most sentimentally: "Taking a small, struggling company and turning it into a thriving business is what I do. It's the best of me, Victory. That's what I was offering you." Victory is still disappointed that the best of him is a total liar. She asks him to sell the business, and he says he will, once it turns a profit. "We're done," she announces. As Joe leaves, she gets in a parting shot: "Enjoy your fifty-million-dollar painting." I have a feeling we'll be seeing more of Joe, because guess what? He still owns the business! And this is why you don't date your boss. Or boss your date.
Across town, Wendy lies awake, brooding. Shane asks her about Scotland, and she tells him it sucked. The deal didn't work out, and, she says, "I saw some sides to Nico I'd just as soon not know about." Shane, less diplomatic in the wee hours, murmurs, "You'd be the only one who doesn't know about them." He goes on to say he thinks they complement each other, and Wendy goes for the play on words: "I did everything but compliment her. I don't know if we'll ever even talk again." Shane rolls his eyes at that, because women love to talk! It's just so true!
Nico gets to her office and finds a package wrapped in brown paper (but regrettably not tied up with string). Inside is a framed photo of a Scottish scene, with a note: "Love, your friend K." Nico looks wistful.
Wendy and Nico run into each other on the street outside their building. (There's a quick shot where you can see all the people in the background, waiting to cross 57th Street, gawking: "Hey, that's Brooke Shields!") After an awkward silence, Wendy blurts, "Part of me wishes you'd told me everything from the beginning, and part of me wishes I never found out!" Nico says she feels the same way, but she's not ready to forgive. Wendy admits that her "mommy comment" was "a lousy thing to say," and suggests hopefully, "Maybe you can forget it." Nico, icily: "Tell me how." I know I can't forget it, since we've spent so much time on it, but I'd love to understand why! Someone please tell us why! We won't find out this week -- Nico ends the conversation there and hops into a cab, leaving Wendy looking bereft. Maybe she should go sign some autographs or something to cheer herself up.