By Lady Lola
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Newly single Cate tries to work her and Ryan's break-up into the ongoing Cate-Ryan on-air storyline, but her producer puts the kibosh on that idea. Turns out she was less than thrilled to play janitor during Cate's illegitimate child, a baby daddy, and secret office romance-turned-engagement drama over the last few months. Cate assures her everything will be fine. All she needs is a weekend by herself to set about moving on sans mental breakdown. Tough luck for old Cate, she's hosting a bridal expo that same weekend with her ex-fiancé. Yeah, the one that no one realizes is her ex. Have fun!
So Cate dutifully shows up at the bridal expo and dons a stunning strapless number (and a less becoming marabou shrug) that very nearly convinces Ryan to reconsider things. And then! Newly emboldened by a text message he shouldn't have seen between Ryan and Lux, Baze storms the expo with Math in tow. In short, he thinks Ryan has offered to buy Lux a new car, but it's really more of a MacGuffin than an actual important part of the plot. Anyhow, in his efforts to find Cate, Baze runs across a nefarious producer/event organizer who recognizes Bridezilla ingredients when he sees them and pits Baze (and Math, but really he doesn't count -- no pun intended) against Ryan in a knock-off of The Newlywed Game. The two big apes go toe-to-toe in their Cate knowledge, hurling barbs at each other all the while. Eventually it comes out that Baze didn't know about Ryan when he slept with Cate and has merely been trying to help her cover her ass with his lies. This revelation manages to spike Ryan's vitriol against Cate and inadvertently make Math call Baze a betraying sleazeball. Even though Math literally has nothing to do with anything outside of turtle racing -- albeit a pretty kick-ass contribution to the show in general.
Meanwhile, lonely Lux has been skipping school and moping around Baze's loft in a teenage girl funk for days. Jones drops off her assignments in a flimsy excuse to see Lux. Baze eagerly spots that the QB is into his daughter and offers a little quid pro quo if Jones will ask Lux out on a date. He jumps at the chance and dedicates at least six hours of his Saturday to drive Lux to Tasha's new home three hours away. The day goes splendidly, until Jones gets a case of honesty and tells Lux about his arrangement with Baze. Lux feels like she can't trust anyone and shuts Baze out of her world, too. That night, Ryan stops by the bar to cut a deal with Baze: He won't co-opt Baze's dad responsibilities if Baze promises never to crash another radio event again. They shake on it, and then Baze asks Ryan to do exactly what he just promised he wouldn't and give Lux a bit of fatherly guidance since she is currently shunning both of her parents. Ryan gives Lux a little perspective on the Jones situation, prompting her to pay a visit to Westmonte's BMOC and ask if they can go back to square one.
And in the kicker, the nice people at the bridal expo send Cate the stunning wedding gown from earlier in the day. Cue massive meltdown. I almost feel sorry for her, but homegirl really puts the "sham" in Miss Havisham. So I say let the ruination begin! Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: One precocious illegitimate kid plus two moronic legitimate adults = this show.
Cate wakes up to another gray, drizzly morning. On any other day, it would just be Portland. Today, it's a pathetic fallacy! Truly pathetic. She rolls over to see a photo of her and Ryan in happier times and decides to embark upon a house-wide purge of all things that remind her of their relationship. After Cate boxes up all the bits and baubles of her busted loved, we cut to the radio show, where she's instructing a listener to take care of themselves -- 'cause sure as Hell no one else will. Ryan shoots her a sideways glance as she tells the caller to do something for herself. Ryan interjects that, if she doesn't, she's just a stone's throw away from strolling down the grocery stores aisles in "give-ups," a.k.a. sweat pants that scream to the world, "I give up." Cate says she (and Michelle Obama for guns' sake!) wears sweat pants. Ryan snipes that Baze wears them, too. It goes over the caller's head as she says at least Cate has Ryan on sweat pants days. Cate says she's re-christening her sweat pants "move-ons" because that's what she'll be doing in them from now on. She stops just short of announcing her and Ryan's split, instead saying she's "moving on" to the weather report. Oh boy... Ten bucks says she blows before episode's end. Cate asks if Ryan's going to keep being a snippy bitch and make things harder than they need to be. He's all, "I know you are, but what am I?! Pfffffft!" and walks out as the producer comes in to try to encourage them a bit about keeping the tension under wraps. Barely.
Baze's. Lux and Tasha have a phone-bitching session about their jerk boyfriends. Tasha's bf apparently "dry hump[ed] skateboarding tramp" behind her back. And since Bug still hasn't made contact, he could very well be doing the same, says Lux. Or lying dead in a ditch, counters Tasha! Very comforting. Tasha says Bug is a good guy at heart and will resurface eventually. Lux says she feels like everyone she cares for is disappearing. Tasha assures her she's there for her, but the three-hour trip between them begs to differ. Baze (in sweat pants!) approaches to break up the girl talk as Tasha asks what happened with Cate. Lux says Cate doesn't get it. Tasha asks what about Baze, and Lux looks up to see Baze making some weird mime motion. Apparently it means "driving lessons," but Lux is far too disaffected with life to be bothered by such trivialities. She also can't be bothered with school, which doesn't go over with Baze, who is legitimately trying this fathering thing on for size. The key word there is "trying." It becomes obvious as Baze heads across the room to moan about Lux's depressing teen attitude to Math. Math says Baze can't keep allowing Lux's truancy, but Baze says he doesn't want to push her too hard. Math argues that teens, specifically Lux, need pushing and that she'll never make friends who actually live within 50 miles if she doesn't attend school. Baze is baffled that someone in his gene pool can't make friends. He says she's pals with the beer delivery guy, Manuelo, and Math gives up trying to talk sense to him.