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Being off the Town Council doesn't seem to agree with Taylor. And neither does anyone else, except Leila. This ends up tying into a more substantive problem faced by the Council: the town rubbish tip to the kitchen. The Council decides to relocate the stinky mess to a new landfill they dig outside of town. Guylan proves to be a lot better at winning elections than he is at handling a shovel. Taylor and Leila decide to sit it out entirely, until Leila wisely abandons the rebellion. Taylor, on the other hand, gets sentenced by the Council to fill the town water tank, and refuses to do that, either. So the whole town steps up and does it without her. Mike, by the way, is handling his new role in the private sector just fine, at least by comparison. This week's Showdown requires the districts to root around in a giant tank of baked beans and live pigs so they can retrieve color-coded tin cans. The teams end up being ranked as follows: Red, Green, Yellow, and Blue. They also win the reward, and here's the choice they have to make: a whole rack of fresh produce versus a pair of dune buggies and an unlimited supply of gas for them. The Council wisely chooses the former. After job assignments, Zach lays down the law with Taylor and Leila, telling them that if they don't do their jobs they don't get paid, and they can forget about the Gold Star -- "FOREVER!" That's a direct quote. Before the Town Hall meeting, the Council unanimously decides to award the Gold Star to DK, who has been standing out the last couple of days as a mature peacekeeper. With the suspense of the decision thus defused, you know something's going to happen to derail it at the meeting. At the Town Hall, Taylor's eviction from the Council doesn't keep everyone from piling on her, because she sucks just as much as a civilian, and things get pretty ugly. Until DK steps up to calm everyone down, further cementing what was already his lock on the Gold Star. But when Jonathan asks who wants to go home, DK says he's had enough of the drama, and decides to opt out. Until Guylan takes him aside and talks him into staying, and DK ends up being really glad he did, now that he's $20,000 richer. He sure would have felt like a bonehead watching tonight's episode at home if he'd left. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Even the previouslies think Taylor is a jerk now. With all the controversy over child labor and child endangerment and child exploitation, we totally forgot to worry about the ethics of giving a ten-year-old the asshole edit.
It's Day 17, and Laurel and Anjay are welcoming Zach and Guylan to the Council by having them up at the butt-crack of dawn to ring the bell and wake up the town. Guylan confidently interviews that he's going to do a great job as the new Red Leader, and Zach is rather more obnoxious, doing a little celebratory song and dance for the interview cameras. At least none of the other kids are around to see it, presumably. Zach gets the honor of ringing the big bell. Inside the Yellow girls' bunkhouse, Taylor sits up in her sleeping bag and literally screams. "I'm sorry, I'm going to complain," she says, suddenly dressed, up, and stomping toward the bunkhouse door. She interviews that she plans to get Zach back. We see her approaching the bell-ringing council with her wingmen Kelsey and Leila. And apparently to her, the equivalent of Zach telling her to work more and be less rude is for her to tell Zach how many people hate him and make fun of his alleged unibrow (for the record, Zach does not have a unibrow). Laurel shoos the Mini-Heathers away and assures Zach that Taylor's simply acting out of jealousy and humiliation. Not a sublimated crush? Zach, of course, already knows what Laurel is telling him. "I win," he interviews.
But what has he won? Bonanza City appears to be turning into an environmental disaster -- huge mud puddles, trash barrels overflowing with empty food cans, and that increasingly grody little yard right to the cookhouse where they've apparently been throwing everything they don't eat. After 17 days, that's got to be getting rank, even despite the cold. The rats seem to like it, though. Clearly they haven't seen Ratatouille. DK worries that the discarded food might attract something larger and more dangerous, like a coyote or perhaps Governor Richardson. Sophia interviews, "Bonanza is disgusting." Which is kind of rich, because if they'd kept disposing of their scraps the way Sophia was at the beginning, the dump would be in the middle of the street right in front of the kitchen instead of discreetly tucked away door. Meanwhile, a rat stands up and indignantly squeaks, "Disgusting? My home this is!"
It's Zach and Guylan's first time at a Council's "Pioneer Journal" session. I hope they're not too disappointed at finally reaching the inner circle and not finding out that the town is secretly being run by aliens or Freemasons or Mark Burnett or something. Since the pioneers of 122 years ago had their finger so closely on the pulse of what's going on in Bonanza City 2.0 on any given day, this entry is all about how to deal with prissy ten-year-olds. No, I'm kidding, it's this week's other problem, namely the garbage situation. No, the other garbage situation. The journal speculates that things must be getting pretty stinky after more than two weeks in the town. And when people from 1885 are calling your town smelly? That has to smart. Divad gives us a little tour of the mess outside the mess, which includes dirty plates literally lying scattered in the street in front of the cookhouse, like the aftermath of an air strike by the forces of Pottery Barn. Journal to the rescue! It suggests the Council find a way to deal with it. Thanks, Journal, for being even less useful than usual. I do hope the last episode features the Council drafting a new Pioneer Journal for the Bonanza City of 2129. It couldn't be any less helpful than this one is.
Anjay suggests trying to get some gunpowder to blow the garbage up, and I think he's mostly kidding, because even if they could win a supply of munitions as a Showdown reward, it's hard to see how a small yard full of rotting trash is worse than a rain of rotting, burning trash over the entire town would be. "Let's just get a shovel," Laurel says. Zach has a plan: pick up the trash, transport the trash out of town, bury the trash, come back, rejoice. It's a sign of a true politician that his plan literally includes the step "rejoice." They decide to put together a task force made up of two kids from each District. Anjay of course nominates Greg and Blaine, Guylan wants his Council predecessor Mike along with DK, and we don't get to find out yet who Laurel picks for her team. That's because when she suggests that Zach draft Taylor, the whole Council becomes too excited to speak.
Speaking of Herself, here she is in the Saloon, having sodas with Leila. They're currently in the Upper Class District, as you'll recall, so they're not shirking their duties. But I think we all know that that's only because they don't have any right now.
In front of the assembled pioneers in the mess hall, the Council announces the landfill project and lists off the names of some of the people who have been chosen: Sophia, a previously unknown Green named Meg, and DK, who interviews that he thinks they can get it done as a group, rather than making us sit through the rest of the names that have already been floated. As Laurel winds up to give the last two names, everyone points at Taylor. And yes, Taylor and Leila are on the hook. Everyone cheers. Except Leila and Taylor, naturally. Guylan interviews that this is a way of showing Taylor and Leila that if they don't do their jobs, they're going to get worse jobs. Which they will also not do, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
As a transition, Jared gives us a little lecture about how pollution is bad on a planetary scale, and he doesn't know what his generation can do about it. And that's…one to grow on. I do hope the poor living conditions aren't grinding all of the weird out of Jared.
The cleanup crew gathers at the trash heap, and it looks like a few more people have volunteered to join the effort. Like, I see Michael and Morgan in there. Laurel takes charge, saying they're going to load everything up on the wagons and haul it out of town, just the way they came. And because she wants them all to stand there breathing the stink for as long as possible before attacking it, she speechifies that some of the group was chosen for being hard workers, and others were chosen so they can become hard workers. Laurel: "You guys ready?" Everyone but Taylor: "Yeah!" Taylor raises her hand and makes a long, rambling speech about how she and Leila have other stuff to do. "So can we?" she wheedles. Greg is behind her, shaking his head no no no no at Laurel. She's not about to let the girls off the hook. She starts out by trying to motivate Taylor, which, when that doesn't work, she just snaps, "Deal with it, Taylor." Hee. One day I'll get tired of that, but today is not that day. Everyone gets to work except for Leila and Taylor, and Laurel, who's trying to get the two of them off their asses. Taylor indignantly interviews, "Leila and I are both beauty queens." Leila is, too? I have to confess, that's…not something I would have accused her of being. Taylor continues, "We don't go around scooping up trash, walking two hundred yards, and burying it." The nerve! Yes, that's a job for other people, namely other people who aren't pageant queens. Wouldn't it be great if Taylor's parents grounded her from competing in pageants for some non-trivial period of time after this? I choose to imagine that happens until someone tells me otherwise.
As we see them running away, Sophia remarks, "Someone let the pageant queens escape." The two queens hole up in a shack somewhere, followed by Laurel and Morgan and DK, who are like, WTF, bitches? Eventually, Laurel decides that trying to get them to pull their weight is a waste of time, and they'll come up with a punishment for Leila and Taylor after they're done. Leila is only nine, so the threat of punishment appears to terrify her. The more worldly-wise and jaded ten-year-old, on the other hand, remains defiant.
Here's what makes me crazy about Taylor: she thinks that, as a pageant queen, she should be above certain tasks. Okay, she's ten. That happens. But what is in many ways even more frustrating is that nobody ever tells her -- not Laurel, not Zach, not Sophia, not Greg, not Morgan -- that if everyone in town rejected the jobs they're asked to do, nothing would be getting done. Thirty-eight is not a big enough population to support freeloaders under these conditions. They just need to tell her: ain't no pageant queens out here, princess. Or, failing that, see how she reacts if, say, Anjay tells her, "I'm a spelling-bee champion. I don't clean toilets."
Finally, two and a half wagons full of refuse get wheeled out of the town, without Taylor. I mean to say that Taylor isn't in the work group, not that she isn't in one of the wagons. I would never, ever imply that she belongs in one. ["I might imply something very close to that about her parents, however." -- Sars] Guylan interviews that he's going to do his best when it comes time to start digging. Okay, I get that Guylan is excited about having a chance to show how well he can do, but come on -- it's digging. It's not like it's something you can screw up. Right? Sophia gives Anjay a hard time about how she and Laurel are doing more work moving their wagon than he is, despite being girls. "Shut up!" Anjay bleats predictably. When they get to the landfill site they've chosen, Laurel announces that they'll dig the hole in shifts. Good idea, since there are like twelve kids and only two shovels. Greg and Blaine start things off, but Guylan can't wait to get in and take his shift, and then when he does, it turns out that he handles a shovel like he's never seen one before, either in person or on TV. He knows which end goes in the dirt, but that's about as far as his knowledge seems to go. Greg's trying to give him a little direction (presumably sharing the benefits of his experience working as a sprinkler-system installer, gravedigger, and miner), but it seems to be falling on deaf ears. And people stop working and start chuckling at Guylan as he attacks the hole like he expects it to attack him back. It's kind of mean of them, but on the other hand, this is Bronze Age technology and Guylan's acting like somebody just plunked him into the pilot's seat of an airborne 747. Finally he climbs out of the hole, hands over his shovel, and goes to pout to one of the trash wagons. "It's a pretty nasty feeling when everyone's counting on you and you let them down," he says. So what have we learned? Never put yourself in a position where somebody's counting on you. I was way younger than Guylan when I managed to internalize that one.
Back in town, Leila has had time to repent her decision to join Taylor's little rebellion. More specifically, she seems worried about the punishment that might be coming her way. So she tells Taylor she's on her own, and goes to join the crew. Taylor has a more realistic, if more Machiavellian, view of the situation, which is that the Council members can't actually do anything to her because "They're not the boss of me." Leila is welcomed to the group with open arms. Probably because she's handier with a shovel than Guylan is. The kids finish burying their garbage, and Sophia interviews that it only took three hours. You know, I think this is as good a time as any to observe that for all the primitive conditions, it's obvious that these kids are still bathing themselves somehow. I'm not saying I want to see it; I just want the logistics explained.
Afterwards, DK has a one-on-one with Guylan, who apparently spent the balance of the time sitting by one of the wagons feeling sorry for himself. Shortest post-election honeymoon ever. DK tells Guylan that it's up to him now to prove that the Red team didn't elect him for nothing. Guylan interviews that DK is like a big brother to him, and DK says his figurative door is always open if Guylan ever wants to talk. Alas, DK does not add, "Can you dig it?"
Eric and another kid make a pump run. And when they get their full pails to the town water tank, they find it completely empty. Uh, how did that happen? Whatever; Laurel just got the perfect idea for Taylor's punishment. The Council stalks the streets looking for Taylor, and finds her pouting on a porch, overcome with remorse. Or maybe entitled petulance. It's hard to tell. Laurel tells Taylor that as punishment for refusing to help with the trash project, she now has to haul water until she's filled up the tank by herself. Okay, I understand that they're mad, but that's kind of harsh. That's a big tank, dude. Taylor couldn't fill that tank even if you stuffed her in it. Taylor doesn't move, until Laurel says, "Like, now." Whereupon Taylor chirps, "Sure!" and picks up the buckets. She starts the long walk of shame to the pump, weepily calling the Council "dictators" (now that she isn't on it anymore) and saying she's not big or strong enough for this job. As she pumps out her first two pails, DK interviews that they were all willing to give Taylor a chance to prove herself. And then Taylor, walking back with the pails, sets them on the ground, calls out to Zach, deliberately tips the water over into the dirt, and snots, "Oops, my bad," walking away from the dumped buckets. "And she completely ruined it," DK concludes. Oh, I wouldn't say that. I'd say Taylor just proved herself plenty.
Back from commercials, Anjay goes running to Laurel to help him and Zach deal with Taylor. In the doorway of the Yellow girls' bunkhouse, the Council confronts Taylor (with Leila hanging around as well for some reason). Laurel hearkens back to her friendship and comfort to Taylor at the beginning, and Taylor blames Zach and Guylan for making it "torture" ever since they took over. Which was, you will recall, yesterday. Taylor tries to walk out, but Zach and Anjay hold the door shut, Zach calmly telling her she needs to stay. That's not cool. Taylor decides to go out the back instead. She's almost out before Anjay runs up to the door and slams it shut in front of her, leaning his body against it to hold it closed. Okay, over the line. Anjay knows it, too, which might explain the terrified grin he's sporting right now. "ANJAY!" Taylor screams at him, and kicks at his shins. Laurel wisely calls off Anjay and advises Taylor to "take a walk and cool off." And if Taylor accidentally walks to Albuquerque or something, so much the better. We see Taylor storming through the town, sobbing that she's going home. She's followed by Leila, who tells her, "Stop running away from people."
Having witnessed the scene from behind a dishwashing basin, DK interviews that this is no way to build a town. And since they still don't have any water, they're trying to wash the dishes in what has essentially become sludge. So DK decides that it's time for an all-town bucket brigade. Taylor and Leila watch through the window as what looks like every other kid in town volunteers to do the job that she refused to even start.
It must look like an ant colony from the air, with a nearly unbroken line of bucket-bearing kids leading from the town to the pump and back again. Laurel interviews that DK did a great job of bringing everyone together. Well, except for Taylor, who just watches. Again.
In the kitchen, Sophia is showing Mike how to operate a potato peeler as she complain-terviews about the starch-heavy diet they're living on. Mike interviews that he feels like he's starting over in the town. Which causes me to quietly indulge in all manner of unsupported speculation about the amount of work Mike did when he was on the Council. Since it's unsupported, I'll just keep it to myself. Sophia asks Mike what his plans are for civilian life, like she's expecting him to go on a speaking tour or start a think tank or something. Mike says he can just focus on his jobs now, and Sophia says he'll be a lot happier. Here's hoping; I suspect a happy Mike is a less annoying Mike.
Showdown time! Zach motivates his troops. Guylan tries to motivate his, but it's like he's trying to rally them with a shovel. Finally DK has to step in to give the pep talk. Naturally, he does a great job, talking to them about the teamwork they showed with the water earlier. That doesn't really make the Red team stand out from the others, but they seem convinced enough.
When the kids assemble on the Showdown field, Jonathan claims that this week's challenge is about "pollution and recycling." It's not, but let's move on. He explains that there's "a giant dirty dish" behind them. Really, it's more of a sawed-off fertilizer tank thirty feet in diameter, but what makes it a dish -- aside from the giant fake handle sticking out of one side just waiting to knock someone's teeth out -- is that it's filled with pork and beans. More specifically, 1,600 gallons of beans, and pork in the form of thirty live pigs wallowing around in there. All the kids freak out like they're about to be asked to eat the pigs' eyes on Fear Factor. "That's not kosher, Jonathan!" Zach scolds wryly. To say the least. So here's what they have to do: each District will send in one person at a time to dig around in the ankle-deep beans for a tin can painted their District's color. They've got fifteen minutes, and whoever has the most cans when the clock runs out is the Upper Class, second place is Merchants, you know the drill. And if the town collects a total of 75 cans, they win a reward. Guylan interviews that he wants to do well in his first challenge as a Council leader. Imagine that. Since the Showdown doesn't appear to involve shovels, he'll probably excel.
Once the Showdown starts, there's really not much going on in the way of telling us who's in the lead. Despite the ostensible recycling theme, the cans are going into old-school, Oscar-the Grouch-style metal trash bins with lids on them as opposed to green plastic bins, so there's no way of seeing who has the most cans. We can tell who's trailing, though, as Anjay seems to be taking forever to find a can (which of course Olivia has to say something disdainful about. It's so cute that she thinks Anjay is the one who looks bad when she acts like this). In his own defense, Anjay explains, "I don't have that much muscle because my bones are still forming." Unlike...um...Jonathan? Judging by the apparent speed of turnover on the Red team, they're probably in the lead. Taylor hops in, and Jonathan narrates that she's "not afraid to get a little dirty." Zack gloat-erviews about the spectacle, and throws in a little pig impression for good measure. With less than five minutes left, the Blue team's Nathan takes much too long to find a can for Greg's liking. So when it's Greg's turn, he belly-flops into the tank, covering his shirt and his head in the slop. Everyone's amazed at his commitment. "Oh, Greg! What have you done?" Jonathan bellows. Hey, it's not like his hair looks that much worse than usual. Little Alex jumps into the pan for what looks like his first time for Blue, judging by his clean pants and shoes. He quickly finds a can, but there are only three seconds on the clock, meaning he doesn't even have time to climb out before Jonathan calls time. Alex girl-screams, "EEEEEEE! I got one!" Jonathan's like, too bad. Alex interviews that at least he didn't give up, and never quits unless he has to. Who said anything about giving up? You just ran out of time, Sparky. Happens to everyone. Don't beat yourself up. Or scream like that again.
Jonathan gets ready to count the cans, and actually has the nerve to say, "Yuch" in front of all these bean-covered kids just because he has to touch a messy lid handle with his hand. Blue is first, and Jonathan counts 17 cans. Red is , with 24 cans. The kids count along for the Yellow team's tally, all the way up to 19. Zach gives a rueful eyebrow waggle upon realizing that Yellow's stint in the Upper Class is over for now. With a total of 60 cans, the Green team needs to have come up with 15 to win the reward. Jonathan stops suspensefully at 14, then takes a long pause like he's searching for more in there. But of course the town won the reward. Jonathan keeps counting, and it turns out that Green has 20 cans, just enough to put them over into the Merchant class. That means Guylan gets to feel good about leading his team to the Upper Class, which he of course does. Yellow is back in the kitchen, and Zach unnervingly Taylors in an interview that it's a thankless job, "but if you don't like our food, you can eat your own toe for all I care." Shades of Animal Farm. And Blue is the laborers, which, as Anjay interviews, "sucks." Especially the laundry-duty part, after this challenge.
So it's reward time. Jonathan claims that the choices are about pollution (which, again, they're not), and reveals the first option: a giant, ten-foot-high crate of fresh produce. These kids haven't seen food that brightly colored in weeks, and they predictably freak. Laurel Bostons, "I'm so sick of caahbs and bread, if I eat one more biscuit I'm gonna die!" And the second choice? A pair of gas-powered dune buggies, complete with colored traffic cones and a big barrel of gasoline. Mike spaztastically interviews, "Dune buggies!" And then he pretends to drive a dune buggy with sound effects and concludes, "Awesoooooome!" Okay, so maybe I was wrong about a happy Mike. The kids all seem to have strong feelings about this choice, with the buggy contingent being louder, at least. Sophia warns Laurel, "I will never speak to you again." She's on the produce side, we'll soon learn. Taylor, in the meantime, is practically sobbing with buggy-covetousness, lamenting the timing of her exile from the Council. And indeed, if she could sway them to pick toothbrushes over meat, I have little doubt that she could get her way this time around as well.
Back from commercials, Jonathan frames it as a choice between "Mother Earth and fossil fuels," like, whatever. These choices are getting more forced every week. Although I can't wait to see what they offer them to try to get them to turn down Chap-Stick someday. Sophia calls after the Council about how she doesn't want to contribute to global warming. Some of the kids cheer in support, so it looks like the buggies are not be as popular as the noisy minority might indicate.
Deliberations. Anjay points out that the vitamins from the produce will give people more energy to work, although he says that the buggies would be helpful in fetching water. I suspect they'd be more helpful in creating a damp, muddy trail between the town and the pump, but points to Anjay for thinking of a practical use for a fun reward choice. Laurel agrees that they could use some fun. Especially since they always pick the not-fun option. But when they return, Guylan announces that they're going with the fruits and veggies. "You guys are dull-minded as hell," Colton snaps bitterly at Zach, and Taylor adds, "I'm gonna hate you for the rest of your life!" Zach just smiles, because that's not exactly news. The kids swarm the crate and start digging in, double-fisting the produce. Sorry, that sounds really dirty. Is that all they get, just what they can carry in their bean-smeared little fingers? Laurel interviews that her parents will be surprised and proud at her choice, and Jonathan sends everyone back to their bunks. Which, again, seems a little dirty, given the number of them who are holding cucumbers.
On the morning of Day 18, the Council summons the town to the job board. Red is happy to be Upper Class, Green is pleased to still be Merchants, and Anjay's a big downer about being the Laborers. "We only get ten cents, so what," he mutters. Laurel tells him to cheer up. Zach reminds Yellow that they're cooks again, and that he assigned Sophie, Leila, and Taylor to dish detail. "No!" Taylor snaps. "Yeah," Zach chuckles back at her. The meeting breaks up, and Taylor and Leila head to the kitchen first, deciding that they're going to make fruit salad, "just for the fun of it," instead of the dishes. So I guess they did get the full supply of produce, assuming this isn't going to be some kind of pretend fruit salad made out of rocks and sticks. DK interviews that he wanted to tell Taylor and Leila to straighten out, but that's really the Council's job.
So let's see how the Council does at that. After an establishing shot of a veritable wall of filthy dishes waiting to be attended to, Zach finds Taylor and Leila cutting up pineapples and bananas. When he tells them the dishes are ready, they say they're making fruit salad. "Can you wait 'til later for that?" Zach asks, a touch more reasonably than they deserve. So of course they bite his head off, Leila screaming frustratedly, "We just started, Zach! What do you expect us to do, not do it?!" That's a big ten-four, Leila. Taylor tries to argue that she' s proving she's not lazy by making fruit salad for the whole town, but Zach isn't fooled. With Laurel having somehow materialized at his side, Zach informs the girls that they aren't going to get paid if they don't do their assigned jobs. That actually kind of shuts Taylor up, but Zach continues, "You can forget about the Gold Star." Walking out, he unnecessarily adds, "FOREVER!" Following him out, Laurel heartily says, "Zach? Good job." No shit. I've only been suggesting that for a month now.
Emilie interviews that as part of the Upper Class, she and her Red teammates don't have to work if they don't want to. So we see her, and Eric (from Green), and another little kid (who can continue wearing his glasses or his grown-out mohawk, but not both) running around in the street throwing water and soda at each other. DK comes around the corner in time to spot this display and react with a disgusted expression, but not in time to prevent the mohawked kid from running into an upturned barrel and bashing his knee hard enough that he freezes, then drops to the dust whimpering like a kicked puppy. Emilie takes advantage of that moment of sickening immobility to pour more soda on him, of course. I bet she wouldn't be that mean to a chicken. DK comes up and, without even bothering to take his hands out of his coat pockets, gives them all a dressing-down for being "reckless and stupid" and "acting like a bunch of hyenas." The other kids start bickering about who started it, as Laurel and Sophia notice the scene from the far end of the street. "Oh, dear God," Sophia grumbles. Laurel interviews that DK is amazing, as DK yells at the kids that he's not going to deal with this situation, they are. And then, by way of not dealing with it, he stands over them glaring until they apologize to each other. Well, actually the boy says to Emilie, "I forgive you," which is as close to an apology as one ten-year-old is ever going to give another. DK proceeds on his way, because there are still several other parts of town in which he has not yet been awesome today.
DK back story, as he interviews that he has six siblings and that his mom taught them all how behave. I daresay that she also taught him by example how to talk to a bunch of kids who are being reckless and stupid and running around like a bunch of hyenas. He says all the arguing and fighting around the town "just gets old." Maybe his mom should have let him watch more reality TV before sending him on this. But if he really isn't used to arguing after living with six other kids, I'm not about to criticize his mother's parenting skills. Damn.
That night, in one of the bunkhouses, Zach has a heart-to-heart with DK in which DK admits that the people in town are driving him crazy. "It sucks," he interviews, and then back with Zach, he makes a sudden, angry, backhand striking motion that's very abrupt and a tiny bit scary. Not sure where that came from.
Day 19. Laurel welcomes Guylan and Zach to their first Gold Star deliberation meeting. Guylan is all excited, but Zach looks like he's just realizing for the first time that winning the election last week took him out of the running to win $20,000. Oooops. At least it's a short meeting, as the council quickly and unanimously agrees that the Gold Star should go to DK. Funny, the editors normally don't let us in on the final decision in advance. Golly, I sure hope that doesn't mean something is going to go wrong!
Town Hall meeting. Jonathan welcomes the new Council members, and calls out Mike and Taylor to ask how it feels to watch the Council on high from down among the lowly groundlings. Mike speaks first, saying that he's bummed about not having as much power as he used to have. So, he has a negative amount of power now? Taylor gets to her feet, which, amazingly enough at this point, still appear to have room for one more self-inflicted bullet hole. Which she forthwith gives herself, smiling that it's a relief that she doesn't have to deal with the pressure of being on the Council, and can "work normal like a boy or a girl here." This gets the town-wide belly laugh it deserves, and DK volunteers, "Like, Taylor, man, you ain't got to do that!" Laurel rather schoolmarmishly points out that Taylor didn't do her job. "I'm not hauling water," Taylor says. Or moving garbage, or washing dishes. Or pretty much anything else that wasn't her idea. Guylan says he made seven trips to the pump and back despite having less upper-body strength than Taylor. Okay, this brings up my point from earlier: if everyone else but Taylor made as many trips as Guylan to fill the tank, that's over 250 trips. Taylor would still be doing it by now. Rather than pointing this out, Taylor barks, "Shut up, Guylan!" Also a compelling argument. Suddenly everyone's voicing a complaint about Taylor. Jonathan's voice cuts into the fray as he asks if Taylor will change like everyone seems to want her to. Taylor says she'll try, but she's phoning it in now, and even if she hadn't done the air-quotes around "try," everyone knows it. Everyone except DK, who says that's all Taylor needs to do. Which is true, if she ever does it, which she won't. Sophia snarls at her, "Why are you here if you're just eating our food? Go home!" Yikes. Everyone else is yelling too, and DK, who's been looking like he's about to crawl out of his skin at any minute, finally stands and yells at everyone to chill and stop being so mean. "Y'all are disgusting me right now," he says into the abashed silence. "Yeah, please stop the criticism," Taylor says, not helping herself at all. As DK sits down, she calls out that she loves him. Is this what screws up DK's Gold Star? Clearly not, because the Council seems more impressed with DK than ever.
So it's time for the big question Jonathan didn't ask last week, which is whether anyone wants to go home. "Is it too hard for some of you? Is the criticism too much?" Not a leading question at all there. Shot of Taylor. Eric. DK. Taylor. Town. Taylor. DK. Leila. DK. And DK raises his hand. The town becomes one giant WTF face. Guylan interviews, "Oh my God! He can't leave!" Because for the first time in history, they don't have a clear runner-up for the Gold Star! Aaaaah!
Back from commercials, Jonathan asks DK why he wants to go home. Jonathan seems genuinely puzzled, probably because up until now, going home has been for the kids with single-digit ages. Other kids are already crying. DK stands and says that he can't stand any more of the drama. Guylan interviews that he wanted DK to just wait for five minutes. Getting teary himself, DK says he's tired of having to deal with it all. "It's f-- it's frustrating," he says, like he was about to say something else. DK interviews that it wasn't all about Taylor, but all the general negativity that made him feel like he was the only one trying to make the town better. Guylan interviews that it's up to him to try to keep DK there. Funny, I don't think anyone else got that chance when there wasn't $20,000 in the balance. But Guylan asks for a minute to talk to DK, and he gets it.
Out in the street, Guylan begs DK to stick around, but DK doesn't seem convinced. Back in the Town Hall, Taylor tearfully says that DK's the funniest person there and the most fun to be around. "No offense to anyone else," she backpedals, because far be it from Taylor to offend anybody. Mike says that things in the town will improve and get better. Outside, Guylan begs DK to give Bonanza City one more chance. I'm somewhat ambivalent about all this. It strikes me as a smidge unfair to the other kids who don't want to bail, plus I'm a bit morbidly curious as to how the Council will decide on a new Gold Star recipient after being put on the spot, and I'm wondering if they would still be trying so hard to keep DK around if they hadn't already decided to decorate him. But I don't feel strongly enough about any of that to want to deny this smart, decent kid from Chicago $20,000. It's good to know that there are limits to my evil.
When DK and Guylan return, there's a long pause before DK says that Guylan convinced him that he's needed and he can't walk away. Big round of applause all around for DK. "I feel very accomplished," Guylan smirk-erviews.
So now it's Gold Star time, and Guylan wastes no time in announcing that it goes to DK. That's a second big cheer for DK in as many minutes. Jonathan calls him up to the front, observing that he's now "a different DK." Indeed, DK is (a) jubilant, and (b) speechless. Lauren says DK's always so happy, "until about five minutes ago," and that this Gold Star was a no-brainer for the Council. DK says he has six brothers and sisters, and he would like them all to go to college. Waving the Gold Star, he says it means that…[inside DK's head: $20,000 divided by 7 kids equals…hmmm]…well, it's good, is what. Nice save. Jonathan gives DK the key to the phone barn and sends him on his way.
DK's call home is way longer than Greg's (or at least the part we saw is). It looks like the whole family is there in DK's living room, going through a box of family photographs like we all tend to just happen to be doing when a network camera crew shows up unannounced at our front doors. DK's mom half-wonders if DK's kidding her about the twenty grand, but she says he's already a star. The phone gets passed around, and everybody loves everybody. DK's mom says that he deserves whatever rewards he gets, whatever they may be. Aww.
After the call, in the street, Guylan asks DK, "Aren't you glad you stayed now?" Translation: Can I borrow a couple thou someday? There's a big celebration in the saloon, and Guylan says this represents a milestone for kids. "United we stand, divided we fall," he says. I think he means the whole experiment, not his success in convincing DK to stick around. I think. DK gives a speech thanking Guylan for making him realize that he can't run from his problems, and interviews that he's glad he stayed. Why wouldn't he be? He can always leave at the meeting, and he'll be twenty thousand dollars richer then.
Under this week's closing credits, DK and Guylan walk arm-in-arm down the street, Guylan calling DK the closest thing he has to a big brother. DK asks if Guylan has a real big brother back home, and Guylan admits that he doesn't. DK chuckles, probably because he has, like, three of them.