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The "Pioneer Journal" drops a bomb on the Council: it's election time. I don't understand why they're so upset; not only were they told at the beginning that their positions weren't permanent, but why would they want them to be? On the Green team, nobody runs against Laurel, claiming that they couldn't do a better job, although I suspect that none of them wants the gig. Guylan challenges Mike for leadership of the Red district. Olivia snottily challenges Anjay on the Blue team, and Taylor faces a challenge from Zach on the Yellow team. Before everyone votes, however, it's time for the Showdown. This one is all about smashing piñatas to find cards depicting U.S. presidents, and then the Council members have to put seven random president cards into the correct historical order. Green gets finished first, but they've got Taft and Teddy Roosevelt swapped, so Yellow wins the Showdown thanks to Zach's historical knowledge. Green wins second place for the first time, with Red coming in third and Blue bringing up the rear just in time to get the reward. And here's the choice: a full barbecue complete with an abundance of meat versus a collection of dental care supplies to replace the baking-soda-and-finger system they've been using. And because the Council are idiots, they go with the latter, so that the town will have nice strong teeth with which to bite them in the ass. Campaigning commences, both clean and dirty. The clean: the candidates talk to the electorate on-on-one. The dirty: Markelle vandalizes one of Taylor's campaign posters, leaving the artist, nine-year-old Leila, heartbroken. Maybe Taylor shouldn't have made "deal with it" her campaign slogan. At the Town Hall meeting, the incumbent Council members award the Gold Star to Greg at long last, so he's going to college. But before Greg gets to call his parents, Jonathan holds the election. Anjay holds onto his Blue seat 7-3, and Olivia continues to be snotty. On the Red team, Mike only gets one vote -- his own -- which puts Guylan on the Council. With only Yellow left to go, Zach unseats Taylor 5-4, having accomplished the seemingly impossible task of stealing one of the Yellow girls' votes for himself. So there's your new Council: Laurel, Anjay, Guylan, and Zach. And Greg, screwed again, has to make do with calling his parents behind the closing credits. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
It's morning in Bonanza City. Zach makes his way down the windy street, telling us that he's on his way to wake up the girls on the Yellow team to get them into the kitchen. "They'll probably just yell at me and tell me to close the door," he predicts. Sure enough, when he sticks his head into the bunkhouse, they yell at him and tell him to close the door. Without getting up, Kelsey proposes her plan: the guys will cook and the girls will do the dishes. "That's a crappy plan," Zach says hilariously. He leaves, saying he'll meet them in the kitchen, and they yell at him again to "close the fricking door!" If nothing else, Zach's uncanny powers of prognostication should win him the Gold Star.
Meanwhile, Anjay's not doing any better waking his own Blue team up despite his position as Council leader. We see a bunch of sleepy girls ignoring him, and Olivia interviews that nobody listens to Anjay. He gives up for now, but threatens to return with a megaphone. Olivia wishes him luck finding one. Careful, you don't want to give Jonathan any more kooky ideas for showdown rewards.
For some reason, the Council is up at 5:30 in the morning to read the Pioneer Journal. You guys, do you realize what that means? It means the production assistant who writes the Journal was probably up by 5:00. That's rough. The supposedly dead pioneers tell us that the wagon train leaders who founded Bonanza City v.1.0 kept on leading the town when they arrived, even though running a town and running a wagon train call for entirely different skill sets. "Sometimes those leaders had too much power," Taylor reads. Well, that certainly isn't the problem this time around. The Council looks at each other in alarm, predicting what this means for them. Underlining this, Zach interviews that they'd be better off if Taylor weren't on the Council. "The winds of change are blowing in Bonanza City," Laurel reads calmly. Olivia tells Alex that Anjay is more of a follower than a leader. Of course, Alex is sweeping while Olivia is talking, so tell me which of those two is the better leader. The Pioneer Journal finally gets to the point: it's time for District Elections. Without taking a single poll, Anjay gauges his support and comes to an inescapable conclusion: "I'm screwed." Laurel says it's time to prove themselves, and Mike vows to fight "one heck of a battle" in order to stay on the Council so everyone can keep hating him more.
It's chaos in the mess hall, as a full-on food fight is underway. This is how kids will succeed where adults failed: by wasting their limited resources like this while they're completely cut off from the world. Except the more I watch this show, the more I begin to suspect that their resources aren't as limited as we may have been led to believe, at least in terms of the volume of things they're allowed to have. Some are trying to calm the food-throwing down, but those people only get more food thrown at them. Anjay -- who clearly has already been hit a couple of times -- climbs up on a table to get everyone's attention. But that just makes him an easy target for Greg to nail him in the face with an egg. I can't not say it: Anjay literally has egg on his face. He dives behind the table for cover, too late to avoid also getting splattered with a cup of thick cocoa from DK. With everyone laughing at Anjay, he starts retaliating. As things continue to escalate around them, Olivia scolds Anjay for his immaturity in getting involved. Anjay rolls his eyes like this isn't a new subject with them, and then an interview confirms it, as he reports that Olivia is always nitpicking at him and it's getting on his nerves. Yes, something tells me that Anjay and Olivia's relationship is to the point where he can literally do nothing of which she will approve. If he hadn't fought back, she would have criticized him for that, and for failing to stop the food fight. If he'd stopped the food fight, she would have criticized him for the way he accomplished it, or for not accomplishing it quickly enough. On any other show, that would mean they're secretly doing it. I don't think that's the case here though.
The Council finally achieves order and tells the kids that it's time for Council re-elections. Not that there was a first election, but never mind. All the kids cheer happily, which is a little cold of them. Anjay looks sick, and Olivia interviews about how happy she was to hear it. Zach raises his hand to ask if everyone gets to vote for the whole Council. Unfortunately, each person only votes for the leader of his or her own district. Which, of course, given Taylor's popularity among the girls on her team, means that she might actually hold on to her seat. Zach and Taylor give each other the High Noon eyes across the room. The question is from Sophia, who pointedly asks, "How many of you are confident that you'll maintain your positions of authority?" Did you know that the name Sophia means wisdom? I keep trying to forget that, and then she keeps reminding me. Anjay seems to take Sophia's question personally, and only Mike ventures to answer in the form of a "so-so" hand. Sophia talks in an interview about her shit-stirring: "As Taylor would say, deal with it." Mike adjourns the meeting, and all the prospective challengers exchange portentous looks with their current leaders while the soundtrack goes completely Danny Elfman on everyone.
Zach is already practicing his stump speech, with the help of Eric (14, from New Jersey). Eric's on the Green team, which is always picking up Yellow's slack, so he's got a vested interest in Zach unseating Taylor. Eric interviews that Zach's got the fire in the belly for this. Not hard to believe. There are people watching this show at home right now who want to go back in time until they're young enough to run against Taylor themselves.
Green holds a meeting to discuss who's going to run against Laurel. In an interview, Laurel says that she's not confident of going unchallenged, what with having natural leaders like Sophia and Michael on her team. Sophia starts the meeting by taking a poll: in the event of a challenge, who wouldn't vote for Laurel? Well, when she puts it that way, no one raises a hand. Michael says he'd run if he were in any other district (and he'd win), but the general consensus is that none of them could do a better job of leading Green than Laurel does. Clearly they're using some other criteria than success in Showdowns to determine that. Laurel interviews that this makes her feel like she's doing a good job. In exchange for effectively short-circuiting 25% of what was supposed to be this episode's drama, the producers make a note to try and figure out how to sabotage Green in the upcoming Showdown. As if they need to.
And here's how things are going at the Blue team's meeting: there isn't one. While hanging out in the kitchen, Anjay sees Olivia coming and pompously turns his back on her, facing the corner and saying, "Please leave me alone. I'm trying to think." He doesn't quite achieve the effect he's going for, what with the chocolate still dripping down the back of his jacket. Olivia: "Okay. Good luck with that. I'm running against you, just so you know." Without turning around, Anjay yells at her to shut up. "Bye!" Olivia chirps. Okay, she's being a pain in the ass, but that was funny. Anjay interviews that he never wanted Bonanza City to be "politics and all this kind of stuff." Yeah, why can't he just be leader for life? Who among us can say that Anjay hasn't richly earned the privilege, with his spelling bee championships and all?
It's time for the Council and the candidates to make their campaign speeches to the town, and they all gather around a high platform outside. The Council is up on the platform, addressing the kids below. Mike goes first, struggling in his usual staccato way through a ramble about how the town should choose "the person who is best at taking charge and making the decision that's right for the town." That gets polite applause, but I think it's more because they agree with the sentiment than because they think Mike is that person. Mike interviews that he isn't too worried. Mike asks for challengers, and the editors put in a nice long pause before showing a hand go up. It's Guylan. Mike looks like this is a personal affront to him, as is everything in his world, and interviews that Guylan called him "sir" the first day. Okay, so Guylan realized his mistake. His teeth gritted, Mike invites Guylan up on the platform.
In an interview, Guylan says he's always been home schooled (don't email me!) and that he's never had a leadership position before. So why not start on national TV? Guylan's speech basically says that he wants the town to be more of a democracy than a dictatorship. Translation: I won't scream at you to shut up all the time. "If you want this town to be the best it can be, then vote for me," he concludes. Guylan gets much louder applause and cheers than Mike did. Mike watches him go back down the stairs and into the crowd, looking as if Guylan hooked the end of Mike's large intestine onto the back of his belt before walking away.
Anjay's turn. He starts out weak, saying he knows he's made mistakes, but he'll try harder. And then he spontaneously grows a backbone and forcefully says, "Forget the try part -- I will do my best in the future and work harder, starting now!" Any challengers? Olivia is the only one to raise her hand, and Anjay calls her up. Olivia: "This is not a popularity contest. Vote for who you think would be the best leader, not who you like the most." Translation: nobody likes Olivia. She says she works hard at the jobs Anjay has given her, but she'll work even harder as a Council member. The crowd cheers, as Anjay looks out at them as though they're waving pitchforks.
Taylor steps up, freely copping to being lazy the last couple of days. But she promises (again) that she'll work harder and asks for another chance. Hey, Bonanza City? Taylor would like to hold this football while you run up and kick it. What do you say? Zach interviews that Taylor was unprepared for her speech (which is correct) and that she's been given plenty of chances already. Zach raises his hand to challenge her, and it's clear from the town's reaction that he's got the support of the other districts, at least. When he begins his speech, "Girls and boys of Bonanza City," everyone giggles at his formality. But when he calls for an end to the era of "deal with it," everyone's too busy cheering to laugh anymore. "Don't tell me that you're going to vote for me," he orates. "Tell me that you agree with me. Am I not right?" Sounds like they think he's right. Taylor churlishly interviews, "Yeah, that was a good speech, but it's not the best I've ever heard." Well, I'm not surprised to hear it. As a pageant queen, she probably hears excellent speeches all the time from other pageant queens. Wonder where hers rank?
And now commences the unspooling of Mike. He interviews that being on the Council is no bed of roses, and then we see him having a one-on-one conversation with Guylan, trying to talk him out of it in the guise of making sure Guylan really wants the position. "I'm not a frail, easily damaged person," Guylan says calmly. Mike takes forever to try and figure out if this is some kind of veiled slight against him (which it wasn't; there's no veil), and then finally tells Guylan that you can't be easily damaged if you're a Council member. Says the Council member who cried twice in the first 24 hours. Bottom line: Guylan's not backing down. Do you think he has a sister at home named Girlan?
Commercials. That Survivor promo is so long that Miss Alli could just give that the full recap treatment and call it a week on that show.
Day 15. A few girls on the Green team stand outside on their bunkhouse porch and do their best to clean their teeth with baking soda and their fingers. It's gross. And makes no sense. We know these kids brought luggage -- they weren't allowed to bring toothbrushes in them? Sophia says, "I think I might give up a week's wages just for a toothbrush." Remember that later.
Campbell blows a bugle in the street to announce the Showdown. They don't get toothbrushes, but they get a bugle? The kids run out to the field, and Jonathan tells them it's time for "a very political Showdown." I kind of guessed; even without the week's theme, the four team-colored podiums and the 300 red-white-and-blue piñatas hanging over the field would have been kind of a giveaway. Here's what they have to do: one member at a time from each District will run out and smash a piñata (sans the traditional blindfold), hoping to find a card inside with a U.S. president on it. Only some of the piñatas contain a card, and each team has to find cards with seven different presidents. But they won't be done yet, because then the Council Leader for each team will have to fastest-finger the presidents into the correct historical order. Yellow looks worried, but Mike can't wait to get started. Anjay feels his position is in the balance. Laurel interviews that it's not fun to always come in last. It's fun to watch, though. Jonathan asks Taylor who's president now. "George Bush," Taylor giggles, as though that's such a silly question. But when Jonathan asks her who Bush's predecessor was, she has no idea. That bodes well. The whole town cackles at her incredulously. Although if you'd asked me when I was ten who had been president when I was three, I'm not sure I would have known either. Nixon had to go home early, you know. Yes, I'm that old. Anyway, here they go, with thirty minutes on the clock to try to win the town reward.
And the piñata abuse begins. Blue is the last team to get its first card, and we get to see poor little Alex and Mallory trying to beat up on piñatas that are almost as large as themselves. Green takes a commanding lead, with five cards collected before anyone else has three. Except Laurel seems to be waiting until she has all of them before putting the ones she has in order, which strikes me as unwise. Meanwhile, Zach is instructing Taylor on the proper place for the Yellow team's third card, which has just arrived. Green gets its sixth card as Yellow gets its fifth. Sophia interviews, "No, we're not doing Laborers again. No more," as we see her attacking a piñata as though it offended her personally, or worse, is Taylor. And that's seven cards for Green. With coaching from her team, Laurel starts ordering the cards. She's still at it when Yellow finds its last card with eight minutes still on the clock. Zach hollers the correct order at Taylor. Both teams finish at about the same time. And then it's a footrace to run and ring the bell. Laurel disappoints me further as she holds briefly on to Taylor's hand while they're running, trying to steer her away from the bell. She would have won the race anyway, and she should have won it clean. But there's no reason to argue the point, because her team loses the challenge anyway. That's because when Jonathan goes to confirm that they have the presidents in the right order, they...don't. Who knew Taft came after Theodore Roosevelt? Not the Green team. So Jonathan then goes over to Taylor's podium and reads off her presidents. In honor of the theme, he waits exactly one presidential term before announcing that Yellow is the new Upper Class. In an interview, loyal Taylor-supporter Kelsey downplays Zach's contribution: "We won with the help of Zach, but just because he knows the presidents doesn't mean he's the best leader. I mean, look at George W. Bush. He's not smart at all, but he won the U.S. president two times in a row." Which makes me feel so much better about 2004.
Green gets it right on the second try, meaning they finally get to be Merchants. After Red gets their last card, Mike puts them in order by himself, obnoxiously ignoring input from his team. He runs to ring the bell, and it turns out he was right. So Red is the Cooks. DK interviews, "Mike was excited because he knew all his presidents. But in the end, we did come in third." Oh, come on, DK, that's not fair. Blame Mike for the things that are his fault. Take your pick, even.
There's only a minute left on the clock when Greg goes out for the Blue team and finds the last card they need. Anjay arranges the cards, and the clock keeps ticking while Jonathan reads off the names. But somehow he resists waiting until zero before announcing to the town, "You've got a reward!"
Okay, let's do this. Mike interviews that he's worried about the reward choice costing him votes. Again, he's being overly optimistic; the town's so over him right now that it would cost him votes if he built them indoor plumbing powered by a generator that runs on kitchen scraps. Jonathan assembles the kids in front of a high-fenced corral and drops the front wall, to reveal the first challenge option: an entire meat buffet. They have ribs, chicken, hamburgers, and hot dogs, all laid out on barbecue grills and looking like it'll be ready to eat as soon as those orange squares of plastic on the beef patties get a little more melty. How did the kids not smell all of that before now? Especially when they're probably to the point where they can barely look at each other without seeing each other on platters with apples in their mouths? "It's a political party, Bonanza City style," Jonathan announces, making it sound like a whole lot of fun and therefore something that they would be idiots to choose because that's how things work around here. Naturally, the kids practically turn into puddles of drool on the spot. But Jonathan thinks they "really need" option number two. Which turns out to be a whole town's supply of toothbrushes, toothpaste, dental floss, and mouthwash. That answers two questions: the first being why they weren't allowed to bring toothbrushes, and the second being how they were going to make a meat-feast seem frivolous by comparison. "Not as fun as your political party, but better for your teeth than baking soda," Jonathan lectures. Hey, you know what else is good for your teeth? Not getting so malnourished that your gums recede and they fall out. Not that they're in immediate danger of that, I know, but the "need to have/nice to have" dichotomy kind of falls apart here. To their credit, most of the kids don't seem to be buying it. Mike interviews that the town wanted the barbecue, and so did he. Hell, I want the barbecue. That looks delicious. I'm getting something to eat right now.
Okay, I'm back. Jonathan sends the Council off to make their decision, making it clear in the process that that whole "democracy" thing they pulled last week isn't going to fly this time. So the Council withdraws to discuss. The tragedy is that the game thus far has conditioned them to choose what they need over what they want, but keep in mind that the last meat these kids had was some weak chicken noodle soup a week and a half ago. Still, Anjay frames his argument in terms of giving the people what they want, since it's an election season and all. Laurel argues that she and a lot of the other kids have braces. Okay, that actually makes some sense; I had braces, and I wouldn't have cared to root around in that mess with a baking-soda finger for six weeks either. But if that also meant that I would have scraps of barbecued chicken in there to enjoy until it was time to go home, I would have made the sacrifice. "We can have meat whenever we want," says idiot Taylor. Mike points out that that's not actually true. "Kill a chicken!" Taylor snaps furiously at him, because her parents didn't spend all that money whitening her choppers for nothing. When they rejoin the group, Taylor announces, "We decided to go with the dental health."
Guylan in an interview: "Nooooooo!" Complete with simulated slo-mo voice distortion. Heh.
Jonathan invites everyone to help themselves to their new dental supplies, while several kids interview about their disappointment and one of them begs for just one hot dog. Guylan tells us, "If I was on the Council, I would have got. That. Meat." Shot of Mike looking miserable and defeated after being overruled by his fellow Council members. He hasn't seen anything yet.
Commercials. So, if I understand correctly, Moonlight is basically Angel with some stuff taken out? Namely, all the reasons I ever watched Angel?
Zach enters the Yellow girls' bunkhouse to collect his salary and serve her notice: people are giving her until the election to shape up, and he wishes her luck. As he leaves, she calls after him from her sleeping bag, "Zach, sorry, but I'm gonna wiiiin!" Zack doesn't bother to reply. Taylor interviews, "I don't think Zach has any chance of beating me, because I have all five girls on my side." And that's honestly all she cares about. She's got just enough of a voting bloc to be confident of staying in power, so to hell with everyone else. No wonder she admires our current president. Dammit, Cody, you couldn't have stayed for one more Town Hall meeting?
Out on the street, Zach and Eric are confronting the same bitter political reality, when Zach spots one of the older Yellow girls, Randi, and decides to make a personal appeal to her. He lays it out for her: she can vote for the one who lets her sleep late, or for the one who will try to make the town better. Well, when he puts it that way, I kind of want to vote for Taylor. Would I have voted for Bush if he could have gotten me more time to sleep? Actually, probably not, since I wouldn't have been able to sleep at all if I did that. For Randi's part, she seems quite impressed by him, even giving him a one-person round of applause as he thanks her for her time.
Mike, on the other hand, is handling the stress of the campaign by hiding from it. In other words, he's hanging out with the Green team in the Saloon, where Sophia's tending bar. He even says that it's nice to be around people he doesn't have to beg for votes. Not that that will be a problem for much longer. "You think you've done your best as Council Leader?" Sophia asks him. It's a neutral question, in a neutral tone, but Mike (and the timpani on the soundtrack) reacts as though she just pulled a gun on him. But Mike interviews that he's feeling confident for the most part. I wonder how long it took him to screw up the bravado to say that to the camera.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, the Red team is cooking without Mike, which should help decide any fence-sitters. Guylan is informally polling his teammates. From what they show, he seems to have about a vote and a half so far, not counting his own. He interviews that if he wins, he gets to make changes, and if he loses, he still made his point. Either way, plenty of screen time for Guylan this week.
Time to catch up with the Blue campaign. Olivia wants to have a talk with Greg, because she thinks he'll be able to influence votes in her direction. Olivia sits Greg down and starts making her case, but Greg interrupts her in the middle of her speech and says he'll think about it. I've seen political meetings on The West Wing that ended less abruptly.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Sophia asks Anjay if he thinks he's a better leader than Olivia. Without looking up from his prep work, Anjay snaps at her not to talk about that when he has a knife in his hand. Considering how tightly wound he is over this, I think that's good advice. "Anjay's going down," Olivia boasts to some other kids outside. "And he knows it." She's half right, but not the half you'd think.
Some kids have gathered in the mess hall to make up campaign posters. Taylor's is predictably annoying: "Vote for Taylor, I'm not a failure, I'll do my best and beat the rest." ["She's kind of a failure at finding a word that rhymes with 'Taylor,' though." -- Joe R] She interviews that she's not someone who backs down from a fight, and the fact that she's added her magical phrase "deal with it" to the bottom of every poster pretty much underscores that.
Later, Markelle happens by one of Taylor's posters. He reads it, and is so offended when he gets to the end that he pulls it down. Markelle has a lot to learn about politics: namely, when your opponent says something stupid and embarrassing and self-destructive, you not only let them, you tell everyone about it. He interviews that although he's not in Taylor's district (he's in Red), he doesn't want her on the council for the sake of the whole town. Kind of the way I used to feel about Jesse Helms without ever having been to North Carolina. And then we see him hopping up and down on top of the poster on his pogo stick. Now, is that covered by the First Amendment?
And here comes a new low for Taylor: seeing what Markelle's up to, she points it out and says to her little sidekick Leila, "They're messin' with your poster." Now that's leadership: siccing a nine-year-old on an older kid in your own defense. Let's see Mike try to pull that off. So naturally Leila runs out and yells at Markelle, retrieving her poster from the dust. She tries to hang it back up, but Markelle keeps pushing the issue, even though a crowd is gathering and other kids from other districts are telling him to knock it off. Anjay tries to make a Yelstin-on-the-tank speech: "Is this what Bonanza City is supposed to be?" Except that Anjay's tank might as well be in Santa Fe for all the attention everyone in Bonanza City is paying him. Markelle just goes back to pogoing, ignoring Anjay along with everyone else. And then he dismounts and takes the poster down again, deliberately ripping it in half. Leila gets right up in Markelle's face this time, screaming louder than before in defense of Taylor. Meanwhile, Taylor just calmly watches from a safe distance, too busy holding up a post to get involved. When Markelle refuses to back down, Leila has a full-on meltdown over the wanton destruction of her work and runs screaming into her bunkhouse. Everyone's yelling at each other. Well, almost everyone; someone has taken advantage of the distraction to borrow Markelle's pogo stick for a little joyride. Suddenly Greg's there, following Leila inside.
In the bunkhouse, Greg lies on the floor to Leila, who's sobbing in her sleeping bag, while Morgan comforts Taylor as though she's been remotely upset by all this. Oddly, Blaine appears to be comforting Greg. Greg awkwardly rolls over onto his back and gives a stink-eye to the camera, which backs off, because it doesn't want Greg rolling over it in bed tomorrow morning. Greg interviews that he doesn't want to see anyone upset. Taylor interviews that Greg is no longer "bad to the bone," and is more like a "sweet, nice, big brother." And deserves the Gold Star. What's that? I don't think anyone's mentioned it this week.
So we have some catching up to do. The Council meets near the water tower to discuss it, Laurel pointing out that this may be the last time they're all together like this. The first name to come up for the Gold Star is Greg. I have nothing to back this up, but I suspect that Greg decided not to run for the Council so he could remain eligible for the Gold Star. Am I crazy? ["The math certainly works out: a chance at $20,000 > getting bitched at by 10-year-olds." -- Joe R] Mike's still got it out for Greg, but at least now he's being honest about it. The other contender is Zach, and even Taylor has to admit that Zach gave the best campaign speech. So they decide to put off the decision until the Town Hall meeting, when conditions will be ideal because everyone will be staring at them expectantly.
Town Hall meeting! Jonathan's starting right off with the Gold Star award. Taylor is the one making the announcement this week, and she babbles for way too long for no reason. "I'm gonna go ahead and say who it is," she finally says. And then she doesn't. "Go ahead," Jonathan prompts. And Taylor awards it to Greg. Mike interviews that he thinks sometimes Greg has an attitude, but has turned out to be a "pretty cool guy." Translation: the Council overruled me again. Greg and Jonathan hug, and Jonathan asks what he's going to do with the money. Greg emotionally tells the town, "This right here means I'm going to college. I have no money put away for college right now. This is -- you guys have no clue what this will do for my life." Why are so many of them crying, then? Greg gets a big cheer, and even Mike smiles and claps. Jonathan asks Greg what his parents will think, and Greg says he'll have to call his dad because his mom will pass out. Jonathan hands him the key to the phone so he can make that call. But not so fast! There's voting to be done first.
Jonathan busts out the ballots -- color-coded cards with a space for the candidate's name -- and has the kids pass them out among themselves, using the time to remind us who the candidates are in each district. "In Red, will it be Mike or Guylan? In Blue, will it be Anjay or Olivia? In Yellow, will it be Zach or Taylor? And in Green, will it be Laurel...or Laurel?" Laurel lets out an embarrassed cackle, and Jonathan officially kicks off her second term. Everyone applauds for her as though she did something. Which, okay, she did, shut up. Jonathan stands behind the four color-coded ballot boxes and says, "On your mark, get set, pioneers, vote!" Way to make a bunch of kids writing seem exciting. Guylan interviews that he really wants it. Olivia interviews that she's in "bad trouble" if she didn't convince Greg to come over to her side. Yes, if you strike at the king, you'd better kill him. Wait, I probably shouldn't giver her ideas where Anjay is concerned. Zach glumly interviews that he's just about ready to concede, because he's done the electoral math and the Yellow girls represent an unbreakable voting bloc for Taylor.
Jonathan starts with the Blue district. Anjay and Olivia are tied after six votes. But then all the rest are for Anjay, so he keeps his seat. Eric leads a cheer for Olivia, who apparently has no plans to be a graceful loser. In an interview, Olivia says, "It kind of hurt a little bit, just knowing that you lost to Anjay, who is, like, the worst leader ever." That's kind of harsh, in a world where Taylor exists. She continues, "But if I have the chance I will run again." Anjay stands up to make a little speech, congratulating Olivia for her campaign speech and promising to respect her opinions in the future. "I don't believe you," Olivia says, shaking her head. Classaaay. Particularly since her base turned out to be herself, her sister, and one other person. Anjay rolls his eyes and sits his ass back down. Yeah, sorry to say it, but he's probably better off giving up on her.
Red election. The first vote is for Guylan, the second for Mike. Mike nods ruefully, because he recognizes the giant letters he drew while voting for himself. And that ends up being his one and only vote. Ouch. Some kids start snickering kind of meanly as Guylan's votes pile up, although a few, like Laurel and Morgan, look like they feel bad for him. So Mike goes down in a humiliating defeat. "It was kind of sad, actually," DK interviews. Mike puts his head down on the table in front of him. You know the Boy Scout motto? I think Mike bricked it this time around. Jonathan congratulates Guylan on being on the Council, then turns to Mike for his reaction, as he finally raises his head from the table. "That sucks!" Mike yells, laughing through the tears. He interviews how this feels: "Like you were digested and crapped out by a coyote, torn apart by vultures, and tossed off a cliff." Sounds about right. Back at the meeting, he weepily says to the town that he doesn't know what happened. Which, after all, is kind of the problem. And his interview backs that up, as he sour-grapes that Guylan strikes him as a follower and he doesn't think the town made the right decision. But then, if Mike could read people, he wouldn't be in this situation. He relinquishes his seat to Guylan, and steps down to go sit with the Red rabble, who all hug him welcomingly. Michael interviews that Mike did a better job than he got credit for, and Guylan interviews that Mike handled the defeat well. From his new spot at the Council table, Guylan speechifies to Mike, "You're a great leader, I just got...more votes." "Power to the people!" Zach yells. And Guylan interviews that he's going to "kick all those problems in the butt!" Good luck with that. I'm happy for him, but he seems a little too smug about all this and I suspect this is going to be harder than he thought.
So that leaves Yellow. Jonathan reads off the votes, until there are four for Taylor and four for Zach. And since Cody left last week and Yellow is down to nine people, the last vote will decide it. And it's for Zach. Hot damn.
"The reign of Taylor is over," Zach interviews. In the front of the Town Hall, he hollers, "Viva la revolución!" Which I think is a bit much for the results of a democratic election. How did this even happen? Well, here's Randi in an interview, telling us, "Taylor is a loyal friend, but I think it's time that she should let somebody else take her spot." Taylor is going to kill Randi dead. At the meeting, Taylor manages to put a brave face on despite her tears as she says Zach deserves it for being such a hard worker. As we see her switch places with Zach, she interviews, "It's gonna be hard to get used to sitting on the low benches compared to the Council sitting up on the high podium." Zach's makes his acceptance speech, in which he says that being on the Council doesn't give him any more power than anyone else, and if they have ideas, "make it a reality." Jonathan breaks up the meeting. There is really a lot of hugging. In fact, I think Laurel and Zach might be about to make out. Is that wrong?
And behind this week's closing credits, where we normally get a little clip of Jared acting goofy, it's instead Greg calling home to tell his mom about the Gold Star. I do hope that the actual conversation was longer than this teeny clip. "Amen, honey, you rock and roll," his mom says to him. I think I would have preferred the passing out.
week: Taylor, having been appropriately humbled by her defeat, shows us all just how much she's learned.