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Now that the kids' survival is ensured, that of Bonanza City's chicken population is considerably less certain. Nine-year-old future PETA activist Emilie isn't taking it well, going so far as to blockade herself in the chicken coop -- twice. Still, it's decided that two of the little birdies will die for thirty-nine servings of delicious chicken noodle soup. Greg steps up to lead the slaughtering and butchering, in a naked play for this week's Gold Star.
The day's issue is the literal freezing cold, which solidifies the water in the pump -- and the Yellow District in their bunkhouse, instead of in the kitchen where they belong. This will continue to be an issue throughout the episode, as will Emilie's deliberation over whether she can stay in Bonanza City where all the chicken-killing is going on, or if she'll simply have to return home to her parents' farm.
And we learn that the Districts will have a showdown every week, giving them a chance to swap classes. This week's very complicated challenge involves a lot of pipe-laying and blowing, but not in any sense that shouldn't involve eight-year-olds. When it's over, Blue gets to take over as the Upper Class, with Red winning second and becoming the Merchant class. That means it's once again a battle for last place between Yellow and Green, and once again Green flubs it. But unlike last week, this time they don't even manage to win the town its reward -- a giant heated water slide and freeze-proof water pumps to be installed all over town. Yeah, that last thing would have been nice, especially for the Green team.
Greg's campaign for a Gold Star is pretty transparent, and the Council is split between him and Michael, who continues to impress. Then it's time for the Town Council meeting. Nobody goes home, not even Emilie, which means there are still thirty-nine kids. Sophia -- and almost everyone else -- calls out Taylor and the Yellow District for their sucky kitchen habits. And then the Gold Star goes to Michael. Greg doesn't take well to being passed over, and threatens that he's going to "do something about it." What that is, we won't find out until week. Although the previews for week don't put him in a very good light. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
At over three minutes, the previouslies are kind of long for a show that's only on its second episode. I guess they have to bring us up to speed on all the stuff we missed during pee breaks last week because there were no damn commercials.
It's Day 5, and the Yellow team is collecting eggs from the chicken coop. We learn that the town is the proud owner of 18 chickens -- for now (spoiler!). There's a moment where everyone wants to touch an egg that's still warm from the chicken's egg-chute, but the kid holding it is all overprotective of it, to the point where I'm sure he's going to "protect" it into a crackly, slimy mess. Taylor interviews about how handy it is that so many of the kids come from farms, and we meet Emilie of the Red District, who is nine years old and from Nevada. She tells us that her parents have ten acres, and she claims that she breaks wild mustangs. She…does? I again refer you to the fact that she is nine. Perhaps she uses psychology.
It's time for the Town Council to have some quality time in the chapel with the old "Pioneer Journal." The journal's anonymous writer, who was totally an actual nineteenth-century prospector who lived in the real Bonanza City and not some CBS production assistant who happens to write in extremely large and even calligraphy while using the past tense, commiserates with them over their limited diet. The journal asks, "You brought chickens with you, right?" That sounds a bit anachronistic. I wish Al Swearengen had written the Pioneer Journal: "From the fact that you sawed-off hoopleheads managed to scrape up the fuckin' wherewithal to tote your sorry carcasses to this accursed shithole, one assumes you arranged for some avian fuckin' companionship. Is that not so, you stunted little cocksuckers?" The Council members read that chickens can produce more food than just eggs, if you know what the Pioneer Journal means. And just in case you don't, it now asks, "Do you want to serve them up for dinner?" The Council exchanges horrified looks. Alarmed Mike! Alarmed Taylor! Alarmed Laurel! Very alarmed chicken! Hee.
Back from commercial, Sophia -- who just can't stay away from the kitchen, even though it's officially not her gig any more -- sums up the menu thusly: "All we have is what you can can, and that's kind of disgusting." She gives us a little tour of the stores, which include giant tins of corn, tomatoes, tomato juice, baked beans, and apples. Canned apples? Funny, I call that "pie filling."
Back at the chapel, the Council is still trying to get its collective urban/suburban brain around the idea of eating something tonight that's alive in their town right now. Mike and Anjay and Taylor are getting used to the idea a lot faster than Laurel is; in fact, she's kind of judging them for being willing to kill a chicken. She may regret that in a few weeks, when they can't look at her without picturing her surrounded by garnish. They decide to put it to a town vote. What a concept!
In the mess hall, we get to hear some kids complain about the tastelessness of the general fare, until the Council calls an impromptu meeting to order. Mike is pretty quick to get to the point, which is, "We're thinking about…killing the chickens." There's general consternation at this announcement, and the kids against chicken-cide seem to be a pretty vocal -- but rapidly shrinking -- minority. Emilie seems to be its core, and she interviews that it's mean and cruel to kill animals, because they are our friends. "People need to realize that," she says. I know it's hard to judge these things by appearances, but Emilie…does not look like a vegetarian. And I do realize that animals are our friends. Tasty, tasty friends. One kid points out that vegetarians seem to be able to survive, and Mike manages to not sarcastically suggest that that kid hit the Bonanza City Whole Foods and stock up on tofu, then. Someone starts bringing up practical considerations -- namely, dealing with the guts -- and Greg speaks up to say that he has experience butchering everything from cattle all the way down to chickens. So that part's covered. And I suspect it's a tipping point for the town. Speaking for myself, I do not care to kill and gut and butcher a chicken if I don't have to. But if someone else wants to do it for me, I'm all over it. I'll even pay them for it, indirectly. And plenty of people seem to be with me on that, both here in the U.S. and in the smaller nation we call Kid. Taylor calls for a vote, and the votes against can be counted on the fingers of Emilie's raised hand. The votes in favor are an overwhelming majority. As Sophia interviews, she empathizes with how the vegetarians and animal lovers feel, but "people wanted chicken." Well, not to split hairs, but actually everybody wanted chicken. It's just that a few people wanted chickens alive and in their coop, while more people wanted chickens dead and in their mouths. But after the vote, it's all settled.
Except it's not. "My God, what's happening in this town?" Emilie interviews, like she's in To Kill a Mockingbird instead of To Kill A Damn Chicken. And after the meeting, she goes up to the Council and announces, "Just to let you know, guys, I'm going home if we kill a chicken." Open-mouthed, the Council watches her flounce off, thinking either We can't afford to lose another third-grader or Who was that?
And then Emilie leads a full-on chicken rebellion, as she and two other unidentified younger kids sprint down the street to the chicken coop and lash themselves inside to save the birds. Like otherwise the Council plans to harvest the chickens immediately, and with a bulldozer or something. As she wraps twine around the door latch, Emilie regales her fellow revolutionaries with frightening tales of avian neck-wringing. "Are they going to hang 'em like they did Saddam Hussein?" the other girl asks Emilie, giving a pretty good picture of when this was shot. Taylor is the first non-would-be-chicken-rescuer to approach the coop, and I think this episode missed exploring a possible story opportunity, which is the question of why Taylor seems to have her hand stuck inside a glass jar. Taylor interviews that Emilie needs to calm down and deal with it, although she's being more diplomatic to Emilie's face. Back at the coop, Emilie makes like a robber with a bank full of feathered hostages as she allows only Taylor to enter so they can talk. Since Taylor's "reinforcements" consist, in their entirety, of weird little Jared, this may be overly cautious of her. Taylor tells Emilie that nothing is going to happen to the chickens until they have a follow-up meeting to work out some details. Jared gives a little interview in which he misquotes Shakespeare and supplies the episode title and is weird.
The meeting in the Saloon is much smaller, possibly so that Emilie and her contingent don't feel ganged up on, but probably because everyone else has already moved on and is looking forward to some poultry already. They address one issue that I was wondering about, which is how they're going to get eggs from now on if they kill and eat all the chickens, because I don't think you can train goats to do that. Taylor announces that that they'll only kill two chickens for now, which, divided thirty-nine ways, should be about enough for everyone to enjoy his or her very own feather. No, actually, they'll distribute the meat by cutting it up and making it into soup. And if you don't want to watch the actual killing, you don't have to. Which is animal husbandry in the modern era in a nutshell. Emilie finally capitulates, as long as someone else does the killing. "We have to think about what's best for the entire town," she interviews maturely. The human portion of it, at least. As the meeting breaks up, a waggish camera operator zooms in on the mounted deer head on the wall, so that we can all take a moment to reflect on animal mortality. And also to hope that the Saloon will be decorated with eighteen chicken heads by the end of the season.
And then a caption appears on the bottom of the screen: "CAUTION: The following scene may be intense for young children." Well, gee, why would young children be watching this? Greg and a bunch of kids -- mostly the Red District, because as the Upper Class they have nothing better to do -- carry a couple of live chickens out to a chopping block at the end of the windy street. Greg instructs Anjay on how to hold the first bird in place while he prepares to sever the head. And then he unceremoniously does so, with one swing from a small hatchet. I can't tell if it's actually shown, because the bottom of my screen is hidden by a tornado warning. Stupid weather. Most of the kids watching freak out at the carnage. And the chicken's headless corpse isn't helping, with all the wing-flapping and what not. "It was running around in circles! Clucking at me! It was deeead!" Jared interviews. I'm trying not to be so hard on Jared, because he's a lot like I was at eleven: constantly trying to be funny, and constantly failing. Now I try less. Still holding the flapping corpse, Greg assures everyone that the chicken died instantly and we're just watching mindless final reflexes, much as we do when we tune in to The Real World. To her credit, Emilie came out to witness the executions instead of washing her hands of the whole thing, but now she runs back into town, interviewing that it was too upsetting. Greg dispatches the second chicken, which isn't the drama hen the first one was. Or maybe Anjay is just holding this one more firmly. Jared gives the crowd a speech about speeding up the natural circle of life or what not. They're already dispersing, wondering how to speed up the natural cycle of Jared shutting up.
Greg continues his lesson, producing big pots of water in which to soak the chickens preparatory to plucking them. Which everyone gets to participate in, it seems. Greg delivers the naked, headless chickens to Sophia in the kitchen (why is Sophia still in the kitchen? We'll find out later) and walks her through the process of scooping out the guts, which grosses out everyone until Greg and Sophia are almost the only two people there. In an interview, Sophia tells us that Greg stepped up. In an interview of his own, Greg agrees with Sophia, and openly says he hopes this will help him win the Gold Star. "Twenty grand is amazing," he says, which is quite true, even if the fact that he is fifteen and apparently apprenticed to a butcher hadn't already supplied a clue to his socioeconomic status. And then we watch Sophia and Greg and a couple of actual cooks from the Yellow team preparing a dinner that will include chicken soup, drooling in anticipation. And the end product is worth it, as kids all freak out over how good it is. Even disregarding the fact that they haven't had meat in almost a week, I have read that there's nothing like a fresh, farm-raised chicken that you killed yourself mere hours before. Not that I'm going to try that anytime soon. Continuing his Gold Star-grubbing, Greg asks for a show of hands as to who thought that was the best meal they've had the whole time in Bonanza City. Everyone loudly agrees.
Except Emilie, who sits alone in the Red bunkhouse and interviews that it upset her when everyone ate the chicken, and that being there is making her sad. "I've had it," she says. Oh well, that just means 5.26% of a chicken for everyone else instead of 5.13% of a chicken.
After the break, we come back to Day 6. And it's a cold one, by all appearances. And by the general whining. And by the fact that a laundry tub full of water has frozen solid, with people's clothes in it. A kid pokes ineffectually at the clothes-sicle with a pole. Being from Minnesota, I'm the first to mock people who huddle in their ski jackets the moment their breath becomes visible, but I don't envy these kids dealing with literal freezing temperatures without central heating to retreat to. Everyone mills around the mess hall before breakfast in their full winter clothes and flannel pajama pants. Sophia interviews that she's been doing all the cooking, instead of the Yellow team. And what's the Yellow team doing? Well, we see Taylor and some other kids on the Yellow team just sitting in their bunkhouse, giggling in their sleeping bags like it's a slumber party while the rest of the town complains in the mess hall. Zach (10, from Florida), miserably apologizes to everyone on behalf of his entire district, of whom he currently seems to be the only representative in the kitchen. As he mopes back to his team's bunkhouse, he says his team should be in the kitchen. "And I just feel horrible. Taylor just encourages them to not do anything." Zack stands in the doorway of the Yellow bunkhouse and says, "They're waiting for you in the kitchen." Taylor snots that she doesn't want to go to the kitchen. During an interview on a much warmer day, Zach says that Taylor's giving the whole team a bad reputation. I don't know about that; Zach seems like a decent kid, even if a little righteous indignation might serve him better than the Eeyore routine.
Meanwhile, Michael and another kid are walking to the pump outside of town to fetch water for the morning. They have to walk across the exposed, windswept desert to get there, and when they do, the pump handle won't even move. The mechanism has frozen solid. I don't care how old you are, that suuuucks. "We should probably tell the cooking people to start conserving water," Michael muses, as they steel themselves for the long, cold walk back. Well, at least they won't be any more burdened than they were on the way out.
They present themselves back in the kitchen, advising everyone to save water until they figure out a way to get the pump unfrozen that doesn't necessarily require the involvement of a little something that I like to call June. Sophia interviews that they need water. Mike interviews that they need water. We get it. You get it. Anyone who has ever gone through a kitchen remodel and had to get their cooking water from the bathroom gets it. Michael and his fellow water carrier round up the third member of their crew and decide to try pouring boiling water down inside the pump. I think this is a really dumb idea. First of all, they have to get a big bucket of water heated up on the stove. Which, okay, they do. And then they have to carry it all the way to the pump in the freezing wind without it losing all its heat. Which, admittedly, is also something they accomplish. And then they have to try and get the hot water down into the pump's mechanism to free it up from the ice inside without spilling too much of it on the ground. Which I have to once again confess is fairly successful. But even so, if this doesn't work, they've just got that much less water. So it's a good thing it works. Thank God these ignorant teens don't have wise, thirty-seven-year-old me there to give them advice like trying to build a fire around the pipes or something. We see Mike out in the windy street telling Laurel how impressed he is with Michael's leadership and ingenuity, and Laurel doesn't disagree. This is because she, like the pump up until a minute ago, is frozen solid. Gather some kindling!
In time-lapse, the clouds clear away, and Jonathan uses the bell to summon the kids to the chapel. "Thankfully, the sun is out and it's warming up," Jonathan tells us at home. The kids cheer appreciatively. Jonathan announces that it's time for another showdown. And what's at stake this time? Same thing as last time; the showdown represents a chance for them all to change their class and their salary (although composition of the individual Districts will remain the same). He sends them all off to change into their showdown uniforms. Wow, not a good day to be running around outside in a t-shirt. "I do not want to lose this Upper Class position because you get the biiiig paaaay," Jared interviews, reclining on a hay bale in the barn, in which he has presumably stashed his collection of Faberge eggs. We see everyone getting changed and ready, and it looks like they got colored Bonanza City sweatshirts as well as t-shirts to wear. The Blue team's Olivia, 12, from Indiana, whom we've never met before, thinks her team is going to "rock it." The Yellow team meanwhile decries the Blue team's arrogance. Green cheers, and one of its members, Savannah (10, from Kentucky), says that Yellow deserves to be made laborers so they can actually do some work. "They're as lazy as a sack of potatoes," she drawls. So that's who she wants in charge of cleaning the outhouses? Think, Savannah!
When the kids get to the showdown field outside of town, it's warmed up even more, because most of them have foregone their sweatshirts. There's a rather large artifact in the middle distance. Kelsey (Yellow, 11, from Pennsylvania) says, "I saw this huge, blue thing and I was like, 'What is that?'" No, it's not an IKEA store; it's an inflatable, 45-foot water slide. "And don't worry, guys," Jonathan adds. "It's heated!" The kids erupt excitedly, as they do. Jonathan explains that this is one of their reward options in the event that every team finishes in an hour. If the Council picks that, they can put it in the center of town and use it whenever they want. DK thinks that'll make the whole town into an amusement park. It'll be an amusement park in which you have to cook your own food and wash your own clothes, but maybe there's a case to be made that that's preferable to being charged twelve dollars for a hot dog. Jonathan tells them that choice number two is under the rusty barrel he's standing to, but they won't get to find out what's in there until afterwards. Too bad the show was too cheap to spring for a 46-foot crate to hide that water slide in.
So here's the challenge, and again, it's water-based. Again: brr. The kids have to use the stacks of PVC plumbing pipes and joints in front of them to transport water from pumps on one end of the field to different-colored water wheels way on the other end of the field. And the pipes have to go through a veritable obstacle course -- through an outhouse, a barrel, and a wall with many pipes sticking out of it (only one of which will work). And they're going to have to do it with the water running. Brrr! Just like last week, the first team to complete the task and return to the finish line gets to be Upper Class, the second gets to be Merchant Class, and so on. Laurel interviews, "It would be pretty embarrassing to get last place twice in a row." It certainly would. Not that that's a spoiler or anything.
Jonathan clicks his stopwatch and the kids get busy. Before long, Jonathan turns on the water, and it starts gushing from the pipes that kids are trying to assemble. This is going to get really muddy. Not much to recap here, except a bunch of kids assembling pipe. In a weirdly edited interview, Mike says in past tense that Blue was expected to have an advantage with the older kids, but he is confident -- present tense -- that Red will do well. Except Greg interviews that he and Blaine have both worked with PVC, and he has experience routing a sprinkler system, so that seems like a pretty clear edge for Greg's team. Where is Greg getting all these different kinds of experiences, anyway? I'm hoping a week will come when the town has to deal with a band of ornery goat rustlers. "I've been in a couple of posses, and I know how to tie a noose," Greg will mildly inform us. Guylan (11, Red, from Massachusetts) interviews about his idea for division of labor. We see kids using hay bales to prop up pipes that have to span long distances between structures. Laurel gives another interview -- in another location -- about how much it will suck to lose twice. It certainly will. Yellow's secret weapon seems to be Zach, who's dashing all up and down the line fixing leaks. Thirty minutes in, Blue and Red have both reached their walls. Blue is the first to figure out which pipe will work for them, by the simple expedient of having Blaine blow into various input pipes until Greg hears the wind coming through the output pipe. Blue never looks back, and their water wheel turns first. Your new Upper Class, and they're damn happy about it.
There are less than twenty minutes left when Red finishes as well. Demoted to Merchant Class. Green, meanwhile, is coming apart in more ways than one. Whereas the Blue team constructed an irrigation system that was elegant and efficient, Green's strategy seems to be to try and attach whatever component they grab , regardless of its shape, length, or angle, resulting in a haphazard assembly that looks like a vodka-fueled collaboration between Rube Goldberg and M.C. Escher. Yellow finishes with less than five minutes to spare, and Green stands and watches them sadly, until someone reminds them that the town's reward is still up for grabs. But even with the other teams cheering them on, they only have one minute left by the time Sophia is standing on the step behind their water wheel, waiting to make the final connection. "Come on, guys, we wanna get that prize!" shrieks an unknown girl on the Red team. And -- commercials.
There are only twenty seconds left when we come back. Green is still twirling pipes around every which way. The screaming Red girl screams her scream again. Either that was repeated footage, or she is mute now. Jonathan's countdown of the last five seconds is dramatically slowed by the editors, but it's not enough. When he reaches zero, Sophia is desperately trying to complete an open connection by wrapping her hands around it in place of the joint connector she needs there. Which works about as well as you'd expect. And that green water wheel? Doesn't turn one degree. No reward for you!
Sad music plays as Jonathan tells them they were so close. And then he hangs the "Green" sign back up in the "Laborers" slot to add insult to more insult. A defeated Green team goes to meet their fellow townsfolk, who, instead of indulging in recriminations for blowing the reward, welcome them with open arms. Laurel interviews that it was nice to see the town come together as a community. As opposed to, I assume, ripping out her spleen. Jonathan remarks on the town's support, and Mike -- wrapped in a Green towel as either a sign of solidarity or a sign that he stole it from someone for being on such a loser team -- leads the town in a round of applause. Jonathan asks Michael -- who, you will remember, is on the Green team -- how this will affect morale, and Michael says it could be worse. "We could live in Ethiopia," he says good-naturedly. At least it's warm there. Jonathan says the reward is off the table, and now he reveals the second option: multiple water pumps, positioned all over the town, and with a freeze-proof design. He flips on the tap so they can all groan between their chattering teeth. Jonathan observes that Laurel is still smiling. No, she's frozen again. Laurel claims, "I can't help but smile when I'm around these people." Of the entire Council, I think she's the only politician.
Day 7. The town congregates around the job board, which has been rearranged a bit to reflect Blue and Red's swap in status. And then we see a couple of members of the Green team, still on shitter-cleaning detail. Sophia and another girl open an outhouse that someone has pithily labeled: "CAUTION Emergencys only. Stink." For those who cannot read pidgin English, someone has helpfully drawn a picture of a scowling cloud, which, if that wasn't already the international icon for "raunchy stench," it is now. That must be the worst outhouse of the five, and their reactions seem to bear that out. As Laurel takes her turn mucking out, she philosophically talks about how her team came in last, and the dirty work has to be done. Meanwhile, Michael makes the very valid and believable point that nobody would have wanted the pumps more than he and his fellow water-gatherers, as they fill up a barrel to cart it back into town.
And what is Yellow doing? Nothing, as we see dirty dishes piled up in the kitchen while Taylor hangs out with her teammates in the Saloon, "joking" about soda rehab. Sophia interviews that this is "pathetic," and we see her finding a pan of watery corn that's apparently been sitting kitchen-adjacent for two days. In an interview, Taylor makes a cogent defense: "Pageant girls do not scrape off that old of food. We use dishwashers." I would point out to Taylor that there are no dishwashers in the Old West, but I suspect that by "dishwashers" she means "members of the Green team." Sophia dumps the sodden corn into the alley behind the mess hall, which looks like it's turning into a compost yard. "I wish I could have just poured that over the Yellow team's head," she says, and she doesn't seem to have color coordination on her mind.
Greg interviews that Blue won the challenge, but they're still going to be working, even though they technically don't have to. And then we see him doing the neglected dishes. Sophia thanks him, pointing out that he doesn't have to. Of course, technically, neither does she. Greg Eddie Haskells at her, "If we're going to make this town succeed, we gotta work together." Mike has noticed Greg's newfound diligence in the wake of the first Gold Star being awarded. He calls it "suspicious" and says, "It makes me wonder a little bit if it's just for the Gold Star." Well, so what if it is? Mike's acting like that's a reason not to give it to him. I suspect Mike's actual reason for not wanting to reward Greg is that Greg shoved him and humiliated him in front of the entire town on the second day. Which I can't really blame Mike for, but let's not pretend that Greg's the only one who's stepped up his game after learning there's money in it for him. Even if the editors are pretending that too.
Then there's a little time-wasting bit about how a couple of the younger girls have started a stuffed-animal day care center. You know, just like in the Old West. "Taylor likes to sleep in and so does her bear," Mallory observes. "What a coincidence." Dude, when an eight-year-old is calling you out, it's time to straighten up.
The Red District is busy running the Saloon when 11-year-old Colton from the Yellow team (and Nevada) comes in for a root beer. Which is when the Red team notices that one of their number is missing. Where's Emilie?
Colton goes and finds Emilie in -- once again -- the chicken coop, where she's tied the door shut again. Okay, that's just kind of sad. Even aside from the fact that she already capitulated on this, it's clear that she hasn't thought it through. Does she plan to stay in there for the duration? And if so, doesn't she realize that she's going to have to eat the chickens raw at some point? Colton is righteously offended at Emilie's flouting of the natural order of things -- that is to say, being in a place where members of the Red team are not allowed to be, in clear defiance of God and the results of yesterday's showdown. He runs and gets some other kids, one of whom yells, "Emilie, get away from the chickens!" like it's a hostage situation and Emilie's threatening to imbue the birds with immortality if anyone comes too close. Emilie does eventually come out, but not before Colton threatens, "I'm gonna grab you out of there, pull your toenails off, and hang you from the roof." I'm pretty sure he's exaggerating. If an adult said that, people would be freaking out, but one has to make some allowances for tween bluster. There's some age-appropriate sniping, and Colton gets in a pretty good burn on Emilie: "If you want to be with animals, go home." Emilie interviews that she's seriously considering exactly that. Unbroken wild mustangs throughout Nevada are like, "Noooo!"
The Council is having a closed meeting about who will get this week's Gold Star. Laurel tells us in an interview that the election has to be unanimous. And then we join the meeting in progress. Taylor goes on about how the whole town is impressed by Greg lately. In an interview, Greg -- sporting a nasty new scab on his chin -- says he needs the Gold Star because he has no money saved for college. You'd think that his résumé might include some Wall Street bond trading or something, but apparently that's not the case. Back in the meeting, Mike tries to veto Greg's nomination by saying that while Greg has improved, he only thinks he's doing it for the Gold Star. Anjay is clearly like, "…And?" But Mike won't let Anjay talk, pointing out Michael's success with the pump and the water-carrying. Which is a much better argument, frankly. And then we get a little footage of Michael pursuing his Aquarian duties and making a saintly little speech about doing the best for his community and not just the "Golden Star." Back in the meeting, Taylor points out, "[Mike] hates Greg!" I think the pageant girl nailed it. Anjay also thinks Mike's full of shit. But Laurel is on Mike's side with this one, pointing out Michael's team spirit. Mike latches on to that point, arguing that Michael doesn't say much, but when he does, "he always gets roaring applause." Taylor missteps when she says she hasn't seen Michael do much but fetch water, and even Anjay has to point out that that's pretty important. Try doing dishes without water sometime, Taylor. Scratch that -- try doing dishes at all some time, Taylor. Laurel calls for a simple vote. Anjay and Taylor vote for Greg. Mike votes for Michael, making Laurel a possible swing vote. "Michael," she finally decides. Anjay buries his head in his hands. And then the editors come through with a shot of Greg and Michael sitting together, panning from one to the other. Slick. Clearly the tape loggers on this show are not on the Yellow team.
Town Hall Meeting! Jonathan again starts by taking an approval poll for the Council. It's nearly unanimous in favor. Greg even raises both hands, leaving him without one free to polish apples. And canned apples are even harder to polish. Those against? Two people: a girl we don't know, and, once again, Sophia. Her beef this time is the same, but she's a little more specific: she directly addresses Taylor and tells her to get her people into the kitchen. Taylor says they're trying their hardest, but it's so coooold, and it's so haaaard. Unsurprisingly, this cuts very little ice with the Green team, who have been covering Yellow's asses in addition to continuing to do their own jobs. Laurel even throws her fellow Council member under the bus on that one. Or rather, leaves her under the bus, since Taylor has basically been sleeping there for days. Yelling escalates, and finally Taylor says, "I'm sorry, you're just gonna have to starve." The entire town is like, "Whoa! She did not either!" Poor Zach hangs his head in the meeting, and in an interview, he complains that the town doesn't like them and nothing is getting done. Clearly someone asked him how Taylor could do better, because he answers, "Taylor could do a better job by not being on the Council." Meow! Back at the meeting, Taylor again tries laying down that dog-eared "trying our best" card along with a "we're the youngest." Michael tells her to stop using that as an excuse. He stands up and says that everyone has the potential to do their best, so don't blame their age. Everyone claps and cheers again, because as Mike said earlier, that's what you do when Michael talks. Except of course for Taylor, who's looking pretty besieged. Has anyone pointed out that the Yellow team seems to be getting the same salary no matter how much they slack off? Maybe if someone suggested adding Yellow's pay to Green's, things in the kitchen might shape up in a hurry. Because they could do that, right? Building their own society, making their own rules, all that? No? Sigh.
Jonathan decides it's time to move on, and asks if anyone wants to go home. The camera zeroes in on Emilie in the crowd, like a "find the black person" camera at the Oscars. But after a pregnant pause, the whole room breaks into cheers. In an interview, Emilie says, "When my mom told me to come here, she said to be a rough 'n' tough cowgirl. I'm gonna stay." Waitaminute – her mom told her to come? I thought parents letting kids come was bad enough.
So now it's Gold Star time. The camera finds Greg and Michael in the crowd, and I notice for the first time that a lot of the kids are wearing copies of the same knit hat. Either it's totally in fashion, or the show provided them to kids who didn't pack for subfreezing weather. Given how out of touch I am, I'm perfectly willing to admit that it's the former. Mike stands up to give the preamble, saying that it was a much tougher decision this week, since so many people worked hard for it. But they're giving it to Michael. Michael stands up, and Greg really needs to work on his loser-smile. As in, he needs to get one. In his acceptance speech, Michael says that a lot of people deserve it just as much as he does (shot of Greg looking bitter), and says that all of them could get it. Well, if they have thirty-seven more Town Hall meetings, maybe. And in an interview, we see how much of Mike's Michael-flavored Kool-Aid Taylor actually drank, as she happily says that Michael isn't on the Council, but he acts like it, and that's a good thing. Jonathan asks Michael what he'll do with the twenty grand, and Michael says his parents deserve it. Greg's friend Blaine leads a howl and a round of applause (et tu, Blaine?), and Jonathan sends Michael off to call his parents. "Go do it, brother," Jonathan says whitely. Michael heads down the aisle, getting high fives and hugging Greg, who looks like he's about to lose it if anyone else touches him. Jonathan disbands the meeting, managing to refrain from any hyperbolic pronouncements like "You're building a world!" this time. "Back to your bunks!" he hollers instead. Yeah, that seems like a more accurate reflection of what's going on here.
As we see Michael heading for the phone barn, he interviews that he cares more about calling his parents than the twenty grand. Wait until he's old enough to have to pay his own long-distance bills. He's much more collected than Sophia was in this situation, as he tells his mom about the "Golden Star." "Oh, my gosh, Michael," we see Michael's mom say into her phone, clearly irritated that she's being asked to reenact this moment so very fakely for the cameras that probably weren't there when Michael first called. Michael tells her what a great time he's been having: "I've been hauling water and cleaning toilets." MamaMichael laughs and says she's proud of him, but the best part is getting to talk to him on the phone. Michael agrees with her on that. If this were really Lord of the Flies, he'd totally be Simon.
Michael takes a victory lap of the town with his Gold Star. But how is Greg really taking this? "I was the obvious choice," he says bitterly in an interview. "I did the chickens, I did a hell of a lot more work than Michael did. I thought it was pretty disrespectful." Oh, grow up. Michael was a frontrunner from the very beginning last time, even before everyone knew about the Gold Star. And Greg was the runner-up this week, which makes him a shoo-in for week unless he screws up. And it sounds a little bit like that might just be his plan. "I'm gonna do something about it," he threatens vaguely. We see Greg climbing up and perching on a fence rail, angrily trying to think what that might possibly be. If Michael is Simon, I suspect Greg might be trying to get in touch with his inner Jack.