By Montykins
Kathy has to call Paula and thank her for the invitation and makes Tiffany say "Miss Griffin for Miss Deen" even though Paula is clearly not the sort of person who stands on ceremony like that. Once Paula's on the line, Kathy further insists that Tiffany claim that Kathy's in the kitchen cooking and makes loud footstep noises. Tiffany and Paula find these antics hilarious. Finally Kathy gets on the line and Paula's end of the conversation is mostly loud laughter. Kathy interviews that she doesn't care about the cooking but wants to learn about Paula's business secrets. Paula tells Kathy that all of her guests are treated like family, which means she'll have to pull her weight. Kathy explains that all she really knows how to do is make dick jokes, but Paula is not swayed, insisting that Kathy must have some kind of old family recipe or something. Kathy changes the subject to Paula's boys, asking about Bobby (apparently there's a Bobby) and casually mentioning, "my vagina happens to be free." Classy!
Kathy hangs up and asks Tiffany what she's going to make (because everyone has to make something). Then she's appalled at Tiffany's plan to use something from Rachael Ray's 30 Minute Meals. Hey, it's worth a try.
Kathy goes to her mom's to get cooking tips. Even though all she remembers Maggie doing is heating something up occasionally. Maggie is quite pleased that Kathy is going to get to go to Paula Deen's house and spend the night. However, when Kathy adds, "I wanna [bleep] one of the sons!" Maggie's shocked. You'd think she'd stop being so easily shocked all the time. Maggie's recipes are ham-and-spinach rollups (Kathy: "Euch!") and Sloppy Joes, which Kathy vetoes on the grounds that she can't brown meat. [Really? She can't put some meat in a pan and stir it at some point? - Z] Also it's supposed to be made the night before, which won't work on this schedule.
Welcome to Savannah! Kathy, Tom, Tiffany, and Mike (the guy from MadTV) all cme up to Paula Deen's house. I should mention that although I hate Mike on MadTV, I really liked him when he and Kathy went on that USO tour. Anyway, Paula comes out and is all Southern Hospitality and lets them into her home, which Kathy claims smells like buttery goodness. Paula says it actually smells like dog urine and that they should watch out for what she calls "turd alerts". They walk up the stairs (past one of Paula's Emmys) to the guest rooms. Kathy and Mike will be sharing a room, which makes Kathy worry. Oh, and there's some dog poop on the floor in the room. You'd think a celebrity like Paula Deen could do something about the dogs pooping on the floor. I know perfectly normal people and their noncelebrity dogs poop where they are supposed to: outside. [And I know that nothing she cooks will ever look appetizing to me again, knowing there's probably dog poop nearby. - Z]
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