By Joe R
Anderson Cooper nearly falls down some stairs trying to meet up with Kathy. He jokes that he's drunk, but the truth is he becomes a giggly little girl around Kathy Griffin. If you've ever seen her needle him on Larry King, you know this is true. Whatever power Anderson Cooper has on the rest of us where we become giggling little girls when we see him, Kathy Griffin's able to make that boomerang back onto him. It's her superpower. Anyway, Kathy runs her jokes past Anderson, and he "reveals" that there's no seven-second delay on tonight's broadcast (no time-delay on the New Year's Eve ball drop? Who knew??), so if she says "Suck it, Jesus," it's going out to the whole universe. Hilariously, Tiffany immediately starts shaking her head in dire anticipation.
We see footage from Anderson and Kathy's New Year, with Kathy making jokes and Anderson giggling like mad. It's adorable. Meanwhile, Tiffany and Jessica duck into a nearby bar to begin the drinking game in earnest. Kathy interviews that she was worried Jessica was gonna get hammered, run up in front of a camera, and say "Fuck you, China!" and start World War III. I have to say, if they really wanted to run a rehab arc with Jessica, that'd be a hell of a place to start. Back on air, Kathy tells Anderson about the "Andy" drinking game, and back at the bar, Tiffany and Jessica get to drinkin'. Five shots later and the eyelids are looking droopy.
Kathy and Anderson count down to midnight, but Kathy's threats of an aggressive tongue-kissing go unfulfilled. And then we cut right to the post-mortem, with Anderson joining Team Griffin for a recap of the night's events. Tiffany and Jess are blitzed. Actually, scratch that, Tiffany's doing okay, but Jessica is slurring like crazy. Kathy then goes back to making Andy laugh, peppering him with questions about Bill O'Reilly and calling him a "fucker." Anderson's eating it up, proving once again that the gays truly love Kathy Griffin.
Team Griffin strides triumphantly through Times Square, Tom propping Jessica's drunk ass up so she doesn't fall down and puke on herself. Back in the hotel, Tom and Tiffany drag Jess off to bed while Kathy fields a call from Ma Griffin, who sounds pretty soused herself. Delightfully so.
After the break, Kathy does some stand-up about her boyfriend Steve Wozniak and how he used to send her sweet, yet confusing, science-laden love notes. Just in case you were curious as to how a billionaire was still single at his age. Kathy interviews that Woz is going to be her date to the Producers Guild Awards, where she's nominated, and he's coming over beforehand to meet her mom. So Kathy sets out to prep her mom, a process which does require a bottle of wine. Maggie does acknowledge that she prefers boxed (good to know fame hasn't totally warped her), but this will do. Kathy reads the other PGA nominees for her mom: Extreme Home Makeover, 60 Minutes, and Planet Earth, which Kathy notes was one of Oprah's favorite things. Kathy seems to know she's fucked with that last one.
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5