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Oh, Dayana. Remember Dayana? She hated her purple dress and wore inappropriately tight clothing? Dayana says she expected to meet her Prince Charming and instead she met Evan. Ooh, Dayana brings the snark. I have to believe that line was scripted for her. Dayana thought Evan was really cute in a dorky way. When she met Evan for the first time at the ball, she was more worried about her purple dress, which she hated. Which I still don't get, because it's a decent dress. It's not great, but frankly, it's better than the dress Zora wore at the end of the show. Dayana thinks the dress selection was horrible. Let's not pretend the producers didn't just go to David's Bridal and buy everything off the clearance rack. Dayana continues to talk about her stupid dress, like, get over it! It was one dress you wore one day! Dayana, at home, laces on some skates and rolls down the sidewalk as she voice-overs that she likes unique clothes. Yeah, if by "unique," you mean "skimpy." Girlfriend is wearing a tight low-cut cut-off top and pink terrycloth short shorts. I have never seen one ass crack so well defined. Dayana likes clothes that are tight, short, and fit well. Don't get me wrong -- she's got a great body. I just didn't need to know what she looks like naked, and now I do. Dayana says she's an only child raised by her father, and admits that she's a daddy's girl, because he gives he whatever she wants. Dayana says she's a princess as she drives off down the street, and then turns and winks at the camera. Oh, no. There's no winking at the camera. It would have been cool if she just raised one eyebrow like Gabrielle Union in Bring It On. That is a bad-ass move. But winking? Hell, no.
Mastercheese Theatre. Paul says that our first set of girls is gone but not forgotten, and promises that coming up we get to check in with Alison, Melissa, and Mojo. I, for one, cannot wait.
It's time for the fairy-tale montage, which features various women saying the words "fairy tale" in interviews. Come on, this is totally a shout-out. Right? Right? Hello? Bueller? Okay, I counted, and the phrase was uttered a total of seventeen times in about two minutes. Awesome. Paul returns to say that every fairy tale comes to an end, and then introduces Alison, Melissa, and Mojo.
Yay! Alison! I know this world is killing you, but my aim is true. It's like Alison and I were meant to be best friends because "Alison" by Elvis Costello is my all-time favorite song. Anyway, Alison opens by saying that it all went terribly, terribly wrong. Oh, it did. They start playing a song that I think is from Bizet's Carmen as opposed to Beyonce Knowles's Carmen. Cut to Alison lying on a bed saying that continental breakfast is horseshit. Hee! Then there's a montage of Alison just looking disgusted in every situation she was in. Hee! They start up with banjo-picking again, in order to show Alison in Manhattan. Wuh? Alison grew up in upstate New York! I live in upstate New York! It was so meant to be. Alison says she loves the city's diversity as we see her meeting the Naked Cowboy, a busker in Times Square. Alison doesn't go out searching for love, especially since being on the show, because that didn't pan out so well. Alison says that Evan was not her dream come true, and brings up how she had no interest in him on their date. Alison didn't like how close-minded he was, especially about the food. This could be a problem in my friendship with Alison, because I'm not all that adventurous about food. But I won't whine and complain about it like Evan does! I promise! Flashback to Evan asking Alison if she thinks it's worth continuing and Alison saying that she doesn't think so. Alison says she told him what was up and she tried to make the best of the situation at the elimination ceremony, which is why she smiled. Alison she knows what she looks for in a romantic interest, but she also knows that there is no amount of money in the world that would make her want to date Evan. There's something else we have in common! Call me!