We're back to the original opening this week, which gives me hope. I mean, last week, they cut a new opening montage and then the rest of the episode was previously seen footage and filler, so maybe if they are showing the same old opening, that means the episode is all new. Right? Right?
Oh, God. The editors have the fucking audacity to include a "Last Week On..." segment. Let's see. Last week on Joe Millionaire: absolutely nothing happened, and viewers everywhere were seriously pissed. Last week on Joe Millionaire: the editors scrounged around on the cutting-room floor and found five minutes worth of unseen footage, which they then proceeded to slice and dice into an hour-long episode. Last week on Joe Millionaire: Kim nearly had a stroke and her recap turned into some sort of quasi-Andy Rooney complaint-fest. Okay, what they really claim is that last week, 1987 Courteney Cox told Sarah and Zora that Evan was going to give one of them a diamond ring. But first, Evan wanted to take each of them on a walk. Zora flung her hair around and walked like a zombie, while Sarah schemed as to how she could once again ditch the cameras and run off into the woods. And then they want us to believe that Evan was still having trouble making up his mind. Whatever. It's not like they're getting married, or even engaged. So what if he picks the wrong one? The stakes aren't exactly high. The best part of this whole montage is that, in the last scene, the announcer intones, "The construction worker will find out if he has really found true love." And then the visual is of Evan staring at a bottle of beer. Mmm, beer.
Mastercheese Theatre. Paul must be really drunk by now. Paul asks what the girls will do when they find out the truth about Evan. He introduces the possibility that Evan might get eliminated, and says that after Evan reveals his choice, and his true financial status, he will wait for his chosen woman in the ballroom. And then there'll be that big twist we've been promised. I've seen so many twist scenarios bounced around in our forums and in the media that not much could shock me at this point. Although I think a good twist would be if both women showed up and told Evan that he's such a lunkhead that he's turned them off men forever, and they are running away with each other. And then Evan would be like, "Could I just watch you make out?" And they'd be like, "Hell, no! Step off, beeyotch!" I'm telling you. Fox needs to hire me. I've got great ideas. Oh, I forgot. This is an "unscripted" "reality" "show."
Zora and Sarah eat a meal together. I just noticed that Zora's denim shirt has patchwork on the shoulders. What the hell is that? Is she leaving France that night to join the rodeo? The women sit there in silence. Zora voice-overs that they feel awkward and it's not comfortable. Or maybe she's talking about how she feels when she's wearing those skintight jeans she had on during her walk with Evan. In an interview, Sarah says, "It's my game, and I'm in charge. He's all mine!" In an interview, Zora says that she realized that one of them would be leaving. Did she just figure that out? Also, that interview could have been done in any of the past few weeks.
In an interview, Sarah says that she doesn't want to use the word "naiveté." Well, obviously she does want to use it, because she just did. Sarah thinks that Zora is so trusting and accepts everything at face value. Sarah wants to tell Zora to get a clue and asks if she just fell off the turnip truck. Meanwhile, Zora has totally finished her food while Sarah has a full plate left. Is Zora the fastest eater ever? Or is Sarah on her second helping? These are the things I worry about instead of caring who Evan picks. In an interview, Zora says she and Sarah are so different, and she can't believe Evan picked them both. So the theme that is emerging is that Zora is the innocent good girl and Sarah is the bitchy bad girl who has sex. I just wanted to make that clear now, in case they don't reinforce that throughout the episode. Because, you know, it's not possible that a woman could be a good girl and still have sex, or be innocent and also be a bitch. Or be sexually assertive and still be a good person. FOX is all about the madonna/whore complex.
The women continue to eat salad, and suddenly Zora's plate is full again. It's magic! Sarah asks Zora if she will feel weird with Evan. Zora agrees that it might be strange. And then suddenly both women are eating, like, scrambled eggs or something as Sarah says that it's "getting weird around the chateau." Also, is Sarah drinking wine with breakfast? And could these two have less to say to each other?
Evan paces around his room. In an interview, Evan says that he's made his decision and he thinks it's right, but now he has to tell "this amazing girl" who he really is, and he's not sure how she'll take it. At least they convinced Evan not to wear his flip-flops and that shapeless sweater for this segment. They cut in the same footage we saw last week of Zora and Sarah getting ready. In an interview, Evan says he's also nervous to tell the girl he hasn't chosen that she's not the one, because she might have feelings for him. Also, she might attack him. Or she might fall into a heap and sob and pull her hair out. Because no woman could live without Evan's charm and grace.
More fascinating footage (that we already saw last week) of Zora and Sarah putting on lotion. Paul comes into Zora's room and tells her that Evan wants to speak with her. I wonder if Zora really went first or if they just edited her part in first. Zora has a seat in the salon, and Paul leaves to get Evan. Is Alex even going to be in this episode? Remember what we learned last week about how people get from one place to the other? That's right, they walk. So first we got to see Zora walking from her room to the salon, and now we get to see Paul walking from the salon to Evan's room. Because they just showed Paul leaving the salon, and then knocking on Evan's door, I'm sure we would all be wondering how he got there. Did he fly? Or teleport? Thank God the editors included that all-important hallway walking footage to set our minds at ease. Paul tells Evan that Zora is waiting for him. And then guess what Paul and Evan do? That's right. They walk down the hall. Evan looks like he's about to puke, but I think the greenish sweater he's wearing isn't doing his complexion any favors.
Evan marches into the room and gives Zora the old eyebrow raise as he sits to her on the loveseat. He asks how she's doing, and Zora smiles broadly and admits that she's a little nervous. Evan says he's in the same boat. That reminds me of this episode of Blind Date I saw recently where this really obnoxious blowhard went out with this attractive woman, and they were both in their forties, and he kept saying how they were in the same boat as far as romance goes, and finally she was like, "We are not in the same boat. I'm not even sure we're on the same ocean." That was awesome. Anyway. Evan starts giving his carefully-prepped-by-the-producers speech. He begins by saying that they've been on "an incredible journey," and he goes on to review all they've done, like, we all saw last week's episode (unfortunately), so get on with it! Evan switches tactics to again bring up his "roller coaster ride" theme. Zora's face falls a bit. Evan says that their date in Paris was great, but Zora was difficult to read, so he didn't know if they had any chemistry. Evan describes their horseback-riding date as "God-given," and Zora agrees that it was great. Then Evan tells her that they went to Corsica, like, wasn't she there? And weren't we all there? And GET ON WITH IT!
Evan says he got mixed feelings toward the end of the date in Corsica. I need to take a sidebar here to discuss Zora's hair for a minute. She has longish bangs, but they just look awful, like, why wouldn't she pull them back with the rest of her hair? They're long enough. Anyway. Evan says that he has two things to tell Zora. Then they edit in a bunch of reaction shots to make it look like he paused for five minutes before he says that he's trying to find the right words. Evan tells Zora that he thinks she's an incredible person. Then he pays her the ultimate compliment: "You're no dummy." You know, my husband bought me a Valentine's Day card that said exactly the same thing. Except not. Evan tells Zora that she's watching and observant and that they always enjoyed each other's company. He saw something in her that made him feel at ease and made him think she was a great person. Evan goes on (and on and on): "You have a way about you, and I think that you know this -- that you care about people and you have a passion for life, and you make that known." What does that even mean? As opposed to those people who have a passion for life but keep it a secret? Would they say, "I love life, but don't tell anyone!" Finally, with all of the finesse and grace that he has shown throughout this series, Evan just blurts, "I've chosen you." I wish he had made her a puzzle like Mojo. Zora smiles wide. They both laugh. Zora asks, "Are you serious? That's so cool!" Evan makes a noise like, "Um, you might want to hold off on the celebration a bit." They cut in the same clip of each of them smiling, like, ten times in a row and then Evan says again that he's chosen her.
Evan goes on to the second part, and announces that there's something else he needs to say that "has been really, really kind of weighing on [his] nerves." On his "nerves"? Like it's been annoying him? I thought he was going to say that he hates her hair or something: "I choose you, but seriously, do something about those bangs. They're getting on my nerves." Evan says he doesn't want to hear Zora's answer until she's had time to think about this. Evan says (and I'm going to transcribe, because if you didn't see it, you would not believe how wordy it is, but you have to imagine long pauses between each phrase): "I've been going through this whole event with you and the others, and the hardest thing about doing this with you guys was -- and especially you in particular; you have a problem with not knowing whether to trust me or not. What I'm going to tell you now is, to me, something's that going to be, going to be somewhat of a relief, and it'll let you better know who I am as a person. [loooooooooong pause] I don't have fifty million dollars. I don't have fifty thousand dollars."
Zora looks down and away, and to me she looked more disappointed that he lied than disappointed that he wasn't rich, but how could I really know that? I also thought Evan was going to keep going on that theme, like: "I don't have five thousand dollars. I don't have five hundred dollars. I don't have fifty dollars. I don't have five dollars. I don't have fifty cents. I do have five cents, but that's only because I found a nickel on the floor in the hallway." Evan apologizes for lying, but says he wanted to find someone who loves him for who he has and not for what he may or may not have. Evan says he knows it's been hard for her, but he reiterates that she's the one he chooses and if she wants to accept that, he wants her to come to the ballroom tonight and let him know. Zora is completely silent throughout, which I find really difficult to believe. Wouldn't you have a million questions? Like, was Paul in on this? Did the other girls know? Do they know now? Why would you do this? Why do people think Jerry Lewis is funny? Okay, maybe not that last one. But they are in France, so she might get an answer. I think Zora said stuff, but they edited it out so we wouldn't get a sense of what her answer might be. Evan gets up and walks out. In an interview, Evan says that Zora is an amazing woman, and that they had a lot of ups and downs but managed to get through them together. He makes it sound like they've had fifty years of marriage and he's remembering the time the baby got the croup. Evan says that Zora makes him feel comfortable being himself, and he hopes she can forgive him for lying. Zora sits alone and looks like she does not have a thought in her head, if you ask me. She might be slightly hungry. That's all I got.
Sarah primps for her meeting with Evan, and we get to see that same shot of her putting on lotion for the eight millionth time. If I had a dollar for every time I've seen Sarah rub lotion onto her arms, I would be a millionaire. Paul asks Sarah to come down to the salon, and they walk down together. They don't skip or hop. They walk. And I know this, because I saw it all. Also, as I mentioned last week when we saw this same footage, Sarah brings her coat and purse for no apparent reason. Zora didn't bring her coat. I don't know. Sarah does ditch the coat and purse before entering the salon, though. As always, Sarah really needs to lay off the eyebrow pencil. Evan walks in and sits down to her. He asks if she's nervous. She says she can't tell if it's nerves or caffeine. Evan says that his is definitely nerves.
Evan settles in and says that there are two things he needs to get off his chest. Number one is I hate you and number two is you suck! That would have been awesome. But, as if he's going to be that direct. He begins by expressing his feelings for the times they've spent together: "They've been really, really neat." Okay, right when she heard the word "neat," Sarah had to know she didn't get picked. Because "neat" is the word you use to describe a night at your grandma's house playing cards or something. Evan brings up the tango dancing and the grape-picking, and says he felt a connection with Sarah early on. He appreciates her company, and he can't think of a time that they didn't enjoy each other's company, because it's all been wonderful. He says, "So what I'm going to say right now might come as a shock. I did not inherit $50 million dollars." Sarah's eyebrows shoot up and then she nods. So, you know, she can claim in all those interviews she's done that she knew all along because Evan kept screwing up, but she looked genuinely surprised when he said that, and then regained her composure. Also, interesting choice to have him tell her about the money first. I'm guessing the producers were hoping she would run out or do something to reveal that she was just in it for the money all along. Evan explains that he's a heavy equipment operator. Sarah has a tight grin on her face that looks really fake. Evan says that it wasn't difficult for him to hang out with the girls, but it was difficult for him to keep the story up.
Sarah asks if he thought she was concerned with the money. I refuse to believe that Evan just didn't answer that question, but I agree with editorial choice to cut his response, because it's hilarious that her question just hangs in the air as Evan thinks it over and then blurts, "I haven't chosen you." Sarah purses her lips like, "That bitch, Zora! She must have screwed him! And here I thought she was all innocent." Evan struggles for something else to say and concludes, "I just had a really good time." Sarah finally lets him off the hook by saying that it was an adventure. They hug and Evan says, "See you later." No, he won't! That's like when you're paying a toll on the highway and the toll collector is like, "Drive safe!" and you automatically go, "You too!" and then you drive down the highway like Chris Farley going, "I'm such an idiot!" Or maybe that's just me. Sarah looks sad as Evan walks out. You know the producers were watching the footage hoping she would cry or storm out or something. In an interview, Evan says he felt that Sarah was into Joe Millionaire and not Evan Marriott. As opposed to Zora, who knows the real Evan so deeply, given the total of ten hours they have spent together in front of cameras.
Sarah is in her room packing. Paul walks up and says he's got someone to help with her packing, and then Melissa walks in. They hug. I know some people were wondering why Melissa was there, but I think the answer is obvious. The producers wanted unguarded reaction talk from Sarah, and they knew she wouldn't give it in an interview, so they brought her old shit-talking buddy back so they would get the good footage. Melissa and Sarah head right out to the Smokers' Lounge of Slander. Melissa asks what Evan said when Sarah was eliminated. Sarah says that Evan told her he didn't inherit the money. Melissa thinks that's strange -- that he just came right out and said it. What was he supposed to do, spell it out with semaphore flags? Send her a telegram?
Melissa thinks the whole thing is funny and does an imitation of Evan that's not very good, but she curses, which always earns points with me. Melissa wonders if Sarah asked Evan if their necklaces are real, and they both die laughing. It was kind of funny, but not that funny. Sarah does that thing where, instead of laughing, she just says, "That's so funny." Wasn't that on an episode of Seinfeld? Melissa also thinks that was so funny. Melissa asks who would lie to a bunch of people and Sarah wonders who would do such a thing. I know! And then who would go on a reality show hoping to meet a husband? Some people! In an interview, Melissa says that regardless of Evan's financial status, he's not it, because money doesn't make you suave, or give you charm and class. Ask Donald Trump. Or Tony Soprano. In an interview, Sarah says that she doesn't think a lot of men would go on television and just flat-out lie, and she thinks it took some nerve. Again, I find it great that Sarah can be so judgmental of Evan when she went on the show of her own free will, and maybe she didn't go on with the intent to lie to anyone, but she did go on the show. So maybe she shouldn't judge. And maybe she should lay off the eyebrow pencil. No, she should definitely do that. In conclusion, they are both assholes. Melissa and Sarah agree that it was more bizarre than funny. In an interview, Melissa says that she thinks Sarah was sad about not getting chosen.
Sarah and Melissa go back to the bedroom and our viewpoint switches to an overhead stationary camera, so I'm guessing that they don't know they've being filmed right now. They know they are miked, but they don't know they are being filmed. Sarah complains that Evan didn't say why he didn't choose her. Melissa brings up that she didn't get an explanation when she was eliminated, and Sarah is like, "Um, who cares about you? We're talking about me here. You didn't make the finals, loser." Sarah silently mouths the words, "Because of what happened that night?" Sarah rolls some socks into a ball and makes a kissing motion with her mouth. Then she sticks her tongue in her cheek, and then raises the sock ball to her mouth and kisses it. What? I don't get it. She kissed his feet? She rolled his socks? I don't...oh, wait. J-Dawg has to tell me something. Be right back. [Whispered conference] Oh. Oooooooooohhhh. She was making the blowjob face! I think she was doing it with her tongue in the cheek that was away from the camera, so you couldn't see it, and then she put the socks up to cover the gesture. I didn't get what the socks were supposed to represent, and I didn't want to know, so I'm just going to tell myself that they were camouflage. Sarah mouths something else that they don't caption that ends with the word "him." Melissa asks, "You did?" Sarah says that she did a little bit and then mouths, "Do you think that made me look stupid? And that's why he didn't choose me?" Melissa scoffs at the very idea.
Sarah continues packing and whispers to Melissa that she's pissed. Then she loudly asks how Mojo is. Yes, how is Mojo? Melissa says that Mojo is fine, and then sings that she knows what Mojo's gift was. Sarah is surprised to hear that Mojo gave Evan a gift, like, I can't believe that information didn't make the rounds immediately. What kind of self-respecting gossips are they? Melissa says that it was a poem Mojo wrote, and a puzzle with a picture of herself that said, "I choose you." Sarah leans in close to Melissa and says, "That's worse than me kissing him." Melissa totally agrees. I guess she means in terms of looking stupid, and I would agree that Mojo did end up looking more foolish, but thanks to our lovely double standard, I know there are a lot of people who will judge Sarah harshly for being sexual when Evan will get no such judgment. Then again, if Sarah only blew him in hopes of being chosen and didn't get any, you know, reciprocation, that does make me think she's stupid. Sarah says, "Thank God that was all..." and then she mouths "off-camera." If you ever want to go on any reality show ever, just remember that there is no such thing as "off-camera." I don't know why anyone would want to go on a reality show ever, but if you do, just remember that. In an interview, Sarah says that she doesn't think the good times she had with Evan were part of the act. Melissa helps Sarah with her suitcase and Paul leads them to the door.
Then the producers try to make it out like Zora was sad to see them go by showing her looking out the window as they pull out. Nice of them to say goodbye to Zora. In an interview, Melissa says that Zora doesn't handle manipulation well, so it'll be interesting to see how she feels after she realizes she's been lied to. Zora puts on a coat and scarf and goes for a walk. Evan gets dressed, and totally checks himself out in the mirror while putting on his shirt. Zora walks. Evan ties his tie. In an interview, Evan says that Zora's thought process is unpredictable, so he doesn't know what she'll do. Zora walks. Evan puts on his suit coat. In an interview, Evan says he really hopes she shows up tonight. But does he hope that because he likes her, or because he doesn't want to look like a jackass? Evan appears to be ready to go to the ballroom, and Zora is still walking in the woods, like, are we supposed to think she's running away? Also, it's getting a little dark out there. Maybe the twist is that Zora got lost in the woods in France and so they never found out her answer. Oh, wait. She's back. And packing. She has on the same outfit she wore when Evan told her the truth. She clomps out the door. There's a car outside. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with that information. Is Zora going to hotwire the car and take off? I don't know.
Evan and Paul wait in the ballroom. ["Evan also isn't wearing the same suit, shirt, or tie we saw him put on in the segment; that suit was black, with a white shirt and black tie, whereas now he's in a navy suit, a greyish shirt, and a kind of dark, purplish tie. Not that it matters; just saying. I think the black suit footage is from the night of the ball." -- Wing Chun] Evan paces around nervously. In an interview, Evan says that of all the girls, he thinks Zora gets him, and he thinks he really understands her. It would've been awesome if they juxtaposed that clip with a shot of Zora crawling out the bedroom window and running off into the woods. Evan paces some more. In an interview, Evan says that he really thinks Zora might shoot him down, if she even shows up. Evan paces. Paul sighs. Paul is holding a silver tray with a red box on it. Evan looks toward the doorway. We zoom in on the doorway. And then...nothing happens. We go back to Evan pacing some more. Evan has a lot of makeup on for this scene. Suddenly, there's a harp flourish and Zora walks through the door wearing a really ugly shiny blue dress. Seriously. It's like a bad prom dress from 1990. They're in France. They couldn't find a nicer dress for her? Also, her hair totally sucks. She set it on hot rollers and then it's half up and half down, and the bangs are just kind of sitting there on the side of her head like a curly bird's nest. Clearly, they have hair and makeup people there, because I doubt Evan put on his own makeup. They couldn't spare someone to give girlfriend a decent updo?
Evan smiles broadly and looks relieved. He tells Zora he's glad she came. Zora gives a small smile and says that it was really difficult. I notice that she's wearing the diamond necklace Evan gave her, so clearly she's not so disgusted with the whole thing that she refused to wear the jewelry. Zora says that one of the qualities that kept her interested in Evan was that he seemed down-to-earth and honest, and he kept telling her to trust him. Oh, dear. I just noticed that there is a butt bow on Zora's dress. Didn't those go out of style in like 1995? Not that they were ever really in style, but I've been a bridesmaid five times, and I've seen my share of butt bows. And I thought they dropped off the face of the planet. Zora says that she allowed herself to trust Evan, and then he admitted that he never inherited the money, and she felt like he deceived her. He did deceive her. What this "felt like" business? Zora says she's made it "abundantly clear" that she's grateful for the opportunity to "experience this journey," but she's "kind of had some regrets." They totally cut the audio after the word "regrets" -- there was definitely more to that sentence. But the editors decided we needed a Dramatic Pause where Evan and Zora share Meaningful Looks and most importantly, More Time is Eaten Up.
Zora says that the good news is that she was kind of turned off by the fact that Evan inherited that money. She laughs. She says that after spending some time with Evan, she was pleasantly surprised to find out how many wonderful qualities he possessed. She's so reading from a script. Who talks like that? No one. And enough with the Dramatic Pauses where Evan and Zora smile at each other. Zora concludes that she "would like to continue with the journey and see what happens." I hate when people refer to their relationship as a "journey." What are you, Aerosmith? "Life's a journey, not a destination!" Zora seems like the type of person who really, really likes posters of sunsets with inspirational quotes about motivation. Evan and Zora both laugh. Zora asks if it's still being offered. Evan says he was hoping she'd show up and he understands her feelings, since he got frustrated on their last date because he wanted to get to know her better but he felt like he was playing a game with her.
After saying that he wants to stay the course as well, Evan grabs the red box from Paul's tray and opens it to offer Zora the diamond ring inside. But he can't show it to her without offering eight million explanations about how it's "more of a promise" that he wants to continue their journey. In other words, we ain't getting married, sister. I wish Zora would say, "Believe me, that's the last thing I want from you." Instead, she's like, "Ooh, sparkly!" Evan says he's going to put it on her right hand instead of her left. He struggles to get it on her finger and she laughs and tells him to push it over her big knuckles. Evan says he has big knuckles too. That's what happens when they drag on the ground like that, dude. Crazy fairy-tale music plays as Zora admires her ring. They share a very chaste kiss, then Zora wipes the lipstick from Evan's face.
Paul enters with two glasses of champagne, and Evan's like, "Woohoo! Let's get this party started!" Okay, but you know he was thinking it. He was about two more glasses away from taking his shirt off. Evan starts to offer up a toast, but then decides to let Zora do it. She toasts to their journey, and wouldn't it be awesome if Steve Perry came running out and started belting "Don't Stop Believin'"?
Paul walks out with another silver tray, like, they must have an unlimited supply at that place. This one has a lid on it. Paul congratulates Evan for choosing a woman "who truly knows the meaning of openness, generosity of spirit, and a real love of a simple and unfettered lifestyle." Zora gives Evan a smirk like, "Aren't I a prize? Even Paul thinks so." I try to imagine what they would have made Paul say if Evan had chosen Sarah. Paul says that "true love is a great treasure." Are we really meant to believe that these two love each other? They've spent a total of, like, twenty hours together, total! And half that time, they were barely speaking. Paul says that all fairy tales need a bit of magic, so they'll both need magic to live happily ever after. Heh. Basically, he just said there's no way they could be happy without some production interference. Zora looks like she's about to burst out laughing. I think she totally knows what's coming. Paul tells Zora that because she was able to accept Evan for who he truly is, Paul's able to give them both something. Paul informs Evan that this is something he hasn't been told about. Zora smiles at Evan like she can't wait to see his reaction. Come on! She totally knows!
Paul says he's about to make them both instant millionaires. He lifts the lid to reveal a check written out to Evan and Zora in the amount of $1 million. That was the big twist? That was it? That was kind of lame. Although, as I've said before, they hyped it up so much that pretty much nothing could have shocked us at this point. Zora's eyes bug out of her head. Evan picks up the check and does everything but rub it against his teeth to make sure it's real. In an interview, Zora says it was like everything was happening in a dream, in slow motion. I understand what she means about the "slow motion" part. This episode felt like it happened in slow motion, since it was so padded.
Evan is really shocked and can't believe it. Paul says he doesn't go around giving away a million dollars every day. They all laugh. Evan asks how many shades of red he is right now. In an interview, Evan says that the whole time he was lying about having $50 million, and yet the producers were keeping a massive secret from him. Some eagle-eyed posters in the forums pointed out that in this "post-twist" interview, Evan was wearing his outfit from when he told Zora he chose her, and not his ballroom suit. I don't think he was. I think he was wearing the same shirt from the ballroom scene (it's lavender, for crying out loud) and a sweater over it. So I don't think he knew about the twist before it was revealed. Evan says it's unbelievable and Zora says she didn't think she could be any more surprised. In an interview, Zora says she has $189 in her bank account. The music is suddenly like the overture from Oklahoma!, and I expect someone to walk out and start singing, "Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry, when I take you out in my surrey, when I take you out in my surrey with the fringe on top!" Zora flaps the check around and Evan jokes that she doesn't even know what to do with it. ["Sarah would have known what to do with it: stick it in her bra." -- Wing Chun]
In an interview, Evan says he doesn't know how to react because he's never had this kind of money before. Evan says he's speechless. Evan tells Paul that he's going to thank the messenger. Paul shakes his hand and congratulates Evan, then congratulates Zora. Evan stands there with the check in his hand and his mouth hanging open. Paul leaves. Zora tells Evan that this is part of the fairy tale, like, shut up about the damn fairy tale already. I notice that these two are a lot more happy and expressive about the check than they ever were about continuing their journey together. In an interview, Zora says that it was very overwhelming. Evan stands there with his mouth open some more. In an interview, Evan says that he's in shock.
Evan and Zora stare at the check some more, and then he asks her to dance. Is there even any music that they can hear? They are totally trying to make this out like the ballroom scene from the animated Beauty and the Beast, except these two (a) don't love each other and (b) don't really know how to dance. After a bit, Zora asks Evan if she can kiss him, and he says yes. They kiss, and then Evan keeps going on and on about how he can't believe she asked to kiss him, since she was so shy. Yeah, half a million dollars will really loosen a girl up. Ooh, and they're totally making out, too, not just chaste pecks on the lips. Evan keeps talking and talking about it until finally Zora puts her hand over his mouth, but he keeps talking and she laughs. That was, like, the one moment in the entire episode that felt totally genuine and unscripted to me, and it was kind of touching. But not really. In an interview, Evan says that even if he never got the money, it wouldn't change his feelings for Zora. In an interview, Zora says that life doesn't get any better than this. Is she filming a beer commercial now? Evan tells Zora to smile because she's $500,000 richer, and she met him. Notice which one he said first -- the one she really cares about.
Evan and Zora make out some more. In an interview, Zora says that meeting Evan has taught her that miracles can happen, and she can't believe she's saying it, but she does believe in fairy tales. Okay, she's clearly had too much champagne so I'll cut her some slack. And they must have edited out the part where she was like, "And I'm rich! Rich, I tell you!" We close on a long shot of Evan and Zora kissing and dancing. Aw, I think those two crazy kids might make it happen. Because so many other couples from reality matchmaking shows have made it work. The best part is that the first credit is "Hosted by Alex McLeod" when she didn't even appear in this episode. A booted-off contestant got more airtime than she did this week. The producers clearly hated her and had already sent her home.