It's time for fucking Mojo. I have found that absence did make my heart grow fonder, because I have really missed fucking Mojo these past few weeks. Mojo says that people say she has the mojo working. No one says that. No one has ever said that, unless Mojo said it about herself. This introduces a montage of Mojo wiggling her eyebrows, which was fucking hysterical. It's like this whole episode is a gift to all of the people who were pissed about that horseshit filler episode. Mojo takes the cameras to see the house she grew up in. She says that all of her siblings are married, but that she had a goal to live life to the fullest and then think about a family, which is why she went on the show. Mojo says that her strategy was to let Evan know who she was. Flashback to Evan noticing Mojo's cowboy hat on the first day. On the train date, Mojo says her goal was to speak from the heart, and if the other girls didn't speak up, that's their problem. True. Mojo says that if Evan were truly there to find a soulmate, her poem wouldn't have scared him away. This is where I have to part ways with Mojo. First of all, Evan obviously wasn't there to find a soulmate. Second, never use the word "soulmate" ever again. And third, if my own husband wrote me a poem with a puzzle like that, I would have to divorce him because it's so fucking lame. Although it does fit Mojo's personality, so it's not like she was misrepresenting herself. Mojo was surprised when Evan "chose [her] not to stay." Chose her not to stay? Something is wrong with that phrase but I don't know what. Mojo wonders if Evan was really there to find a woman after his heart, and that she was there for love, and Evan let that go. Cut to Mojo listening to a morning radio show where some woman is claiming Mojo is a gold-digger. I have to say, I never got the vibe that Mojo ws a gold-digger. Gaylord? Yes. Gold-digger? No. Mojo says that a lot of women want to be with a man who is financially stable. Mojo goes out to a bar with her friends and rides a mechanical bull. Did I miss the part where bull-riding suddenly became hot again? Are they going to make Urban Cowboy II: Mechanical Bullaloo? Mojo says she wants a guy who wants everything about her, not just a trip to the bedroom...or the woods. Burn! She just burned Sarah. Awesome. Mojo hopes that her Mr. Right watched the show and will be knocking on her door soon. I actually hope so too. And I hope he's wearing a hat.
The final semi-finalist was Melissa. We open with a montage of Melissa saying, "Oh my God!" like, a million times. Melissa says that she paid for her schooling by bartending. She did the show for an adventure and a test. Why not just take the GREs or something? Flashback to Melissa telling Evan that he's a good secret keeper. Melissa says she had a gut feeling the whole time that Evan was hiding something. Flashback to Melissa telling Evan that he is an average person who doesn't think much. Hee! That was awesome. Especially because I think she meant it as a compliment. Melissa says there were little hints that something was wrong and she had her guard up. Yeah, her guard was up. That's why she was all flashing her underwear. Melissa thought Evan was charming and fun and a nice guy. She claims that she never thought that millions of people might watch the show. Flashback to Melissa practically grabbing Evan's hog on camera. Melissa says she had the most fun when they tried to cook dinner, and that she can't cook, but that doesn't make her a bad woman. No, what makes her a bad person and has nothing to do with her sex is how she whined and flounced around and then refused to help clean up. Melissa voice-overs that she brings a lot to the table as we see a shot of her cleavage resting on the table. Hee! Melissa claims to be caring and says she knows how to love. She's not even going to address the "mercenary" thing? Melissa says it was hard to say goodbye knowing she might never see Evan again, and that she didn't care about the money because she connected with Evan.