We get the same intro from the two weeks, with the flannel shirt and the fast food and the bulldozer. They added a little section at the end to bring us totally up to date as to which women are still around and which have been sent home. And then it's time for Masterpiece Theatre Redux, as Paul says that Evan's "posse of debutantes" is now down to five. Would someone like Paul really say "posse"? Paul says that Evan and the women are now headed to Paris, where they will get to know each other better. Hee, even Paul says "Mojo" like he's silently adding the word "fucking" in front of it. Paul wonders if Evan is winning the women's hearts, or if they're just after his money.
Paris. Evan and the women arrive at their hotel. In an interview, Evan says that Paris is one of the most romantic cities in the world, but also one of the most expensive. Is that really true? It seems like New York or San Francisco would be comparatively more expensive. ["Or Tokyo." -- Wing Chun] And what does Evan care? It's not like he's paying for the women's hotel rooms out of his own pocket or something. At the check-in desk, one of the women says, "Merci" but she pronounces it more like, "Mare say." Did Heidi sneak back in when we weren't looking? In an interview, Melissa says that when they checked in, they were told that they were in the Eiffel Tower Suite. Evan notes that the women are in room 711. There's a Slurpee joke in there somewhere, and it probably involves Mojo. The women enter the suite. In an interview, Melissa says she gasped when she walked in and saw the Eiffel Tower. The women all squeal. Evan asks if it's a pretty view. Melissa says it gave her butterflies. Didn't she say that the first time she saw Evan, she got butterflies too? Maybe it's just tall things that give her butterflies. Maybe she just has a fear of heights.
In an interview, Evan says that, a month ago, he was working construction, and now he's in France, so it's "surreal." I love the implication that poor people aren't allowed into France. Like they have someone at Customs checking W-2s. Evan and the women drink champagne. One of the women tells Evan he knows how to "travel in style." In an interview, Evan says that he's just trying to figure out which woman would date a blue-collar guy like him. It just seems to me that the whole premise is flawed here. He's pretending to be rich in order to figure out if the women would date him if he were poor. That's like if I purposely wrote a recap with no jokes in it in order to see if people would laugh. It just doesn't make sense.
At dinner, Evan ham-handedly asks if the women are still open to guys, regardless of their occupation or income. He tries to pretend he's just making conversation, but he's such a terrible actor that it's so obvious he has an ulterior motive. Sarah says that she won't compromise on honesty, and won't date someone who's dishonest. That's funny, because I always wished I could marry a compulsive liar. Then she totally backtracks and says it's okay if the person lies once or twice for good reason. Wuh? In an interview, Evan says it makes him feel uncomfortable to think about how angry the women will be when they find out he's been lying, but he knows he put himself in that position. Evan says good night to the women and leaves. In an interview, Melissa says that this isn't a normal dating scenario, because "there is a whole lot of pride, rejection, and competition." Jeez, that sounds like the dating scene to me. Our last shot of the scene is Evan lying on his bed in a pair of jeans and then reaching out with his foot to turn off the light. And who says you can't learn class?
The evening, Paul helps Evan prepare for a date with Mojo. In an interview, Evan says that he was out of his element in Paris. This statement is followed by a close-up of Evan zipping up his fly. What are we supposed to gather from that? Evan's element normally includes leaving his fly down? He feels more in his element when he doesn't have to wear pants? I don't know. Paul says that he told Mojo to dress chic with high heels, so it'll be interesting to see what she comes up with. It sure will. In an interview, Evan says that in his real life, he doesn't go to fancy restaurants and nightclubs, so it feels odd. Paul snarks, "We'll see how she defines 'chic.'" Paul has so got Mojo's number.
Back in the women's room, Mojo shows off the black dress she has chosen to wear. In an interview, Melissa says that Mojo is "different" and "the oddball out of the entire group." Mojo says that her dress has a deep neckline. She's currently wearing jeans and a midriff-baring shirt, like, does she have any tops that cover her belly button? That's so trashy. In an interview, Melissa says that Evan's picks were interesting because Mojo is so different from the rest of them, and that she was "shocked to shit" by the choice. I think I would like Melissa if she swore more often. Mojo fastens a necklace as we see that she's wearing a black dress and showing a lot of cleavage. Sarah voice-overs that Mojo is "kind of naïve." Then comes the best line so far from Mojo: "I could prolly still wear my hat." Oh, no. After all the hijinks with the blue faux fur hat last week, she is not going to bust out another one. In an interview, Sarah says that Mojo is kind of innocent about the world. The other women are all, "What hat?" and probably thinking, "Fucking Mojo and her fucking hats." In fact, there's a shot of my best friend Alison with her head in her hands, looking like she'd rather slit her wrists than help Mojo pick out a hat for the evening. In an interview, Mojo says that she's "an accessory queen" because "you can take a plain shirt and make it completely different by [sic] a pair of sunglasses." I'm surprised Vogue hasn't snapped her right up yet to be a stylist.
Then we get to see the whole outfit. It's the black dress, with a silver necklace and then. The hat. It sucks. It's got a wide floppy brim with a silver chain around the crown. And it's just shapeless. Like even if hats were really cool, or even if Mojo were the type of person who could pull off a hat, this particular hat sucks. The other women all praise the outfit, and I have to believe that they just want her to look like an asshole, because she does. In fact, as soon as they showed her in the hat, my husband walked into the room and I turned to him and said, "Mojo is an asshole." And he said, "Still?" And I said, "Always." In an interview, Mojo says that it was her "hot mama hat" and that it "made the outfit." Yeah, made the outfit into something only an asshole would wear. In an interview, Melissa says that Mojo is a lovely girl, but that she has no style. Two-faced Melissa tells Mojo she looks great in the hat. See, I'd have to say something. Like if she only brought one dress and it wasn't that great, I would let it slide, because what is she going to do, buy a new dress in Paris? Unless it was like when Meg went to the party in Little Women and her dress was all out of style so Sally loaned her a dress that showed her bosoms and it gave her a whole new image. I guess the other girls could loan Mojo clothes that covered her bosoms for a new image. But anyway, the hat is just extra, and I would have to say something. Like, "You look like an asshole."
Evan opens a bottle of champagne so that the cork flies off the balcony. Then he and Mojo try to pretend the cork hit some French dude and that he yelled at Evan in French, but I'm not buying it. They didn't leave enough time from when the cork left the bottle to when the guy yelled for the joke to work. Mojo and her fucking hat show up at the room. She's also doing that thing I hate where women pull all of their hair over one shoulder instead of just letting it fall normally -- or putting it up, for crying out loud. Her hat kind of looks like something Richie Sambora would have worn on stage during "Wanted Dead or Alive" with that silver chain around the crown. Really cheesy lounge music plays as Mojo enters. In an interview, Evan says that Mojo is a "tall blonde bombshell." She's blonde? I guess she's strawberry blonde. I think he got Mojo confused with Dana. Mojo tells Evan that he had better get some energy, and he says he's got some now. In an interview, Mojo says that Evan looks "Mmmm!" In a different interview, Mojo says that every woman wants "a true man," and Evan can probably teach her "a few things." And then she wiggles her eyebrows in case you didn't get that subtle wordplay. Shut up, Mojo.
Evan opens the door to find a woman carrying shopping bags for Mojo. Mojo opens the shopping bags and finds dresses inside. Ha! They were so confident that she would pick an inappropriate dress that they bought her some new ones. In an interview, Evan says that Mojo has got "this suck-you-in aura." I'm sure she would suck you in, Evan. To me, she just sucks. Mojo tries on the different dresses and models them for Evan. In an interview, Evan says that Mojo was "falling out of one dress, which was all right with" him. As I've said before, when he makes comments like that, it kind of ruins the whole "I don't want a superficial relationship" vibe he's working. ["Especially when he then goes and gives interviews to the press where he says that a distaff version of this show would be one where the chooser is a woman with really big breasts, and then the twist at the end is that they're falsies, and she's really flat! Ha ha! Good one, Evan! Ass." -- Wing Chun] Evan says that Mojo chose the dress she was falling out of because the other one was too big. Mojo models the dress, which I don't really think she's falling out of. I actually think (and I can't believe I'm saying this) the dress in which she arrived was nicer, if only because it fit her better. Mojo struts down some stairs, holding her fucking hat on her head. In an interview, Mojo says, "A person who walks in with a hat shows confidence. They [sic] know they're beautiful on the inside and out, so they don't care to cover it up." But doesn't the hat cover up your head? Wouldn't not wearing a hat show more confidence, by Mojo's definition? Ah, Mojo is a paradox wrapped in an enigma surrounded by a fucking hat.
Evan and Mojo get into a car. In an interview, Evan says he knew Mojo was very interested in him from the way she acted. She stared at him a lot, he says, and it "freaked [him] a little bit." We see Mojo and Evan eating dinner and not talking at all. In an interview, Mojo says that they didn't talk the whole time, because they were just enjoying the date. Cut to Evan and Mojo making ridiculous conversation about her hair and skin color. In an interview, Evan says that they were making up stuff to talk about because they couldn't get a conversation going. Isn't this the same girl who dominated the conversation on the train? Maybe she can only talk about herself and doesn't know how to have an actual give-and-take conversation. Mojo talks about how her tomato squirted her. In an interview, Mojo says that their dinner conversation was very smooth and that they got to know each other. Cut to Evan asking Mojo if her steak was good. In an interview, Mojo says she thinks there was a spark and that they have a lot in common. Yeah, they're both dumb as stumps.
Evan and Mojo arrive at the Moulin Rouge. In an interview, Evan says that dinner might have been a disaster, but seeing how wide-eyed Mojo was at Moulin Rouge was great. In an interview, Mojo says they got superstar treatment and that people were taking pictures of them. They were probably like, "Take a picture of that asshole in the fucking hat! Ha ha ha!" In an interview, Evan says that people thought they were famous. Gee, that couldn't have anything to do with the camera crew following you around, could it? Don't make it out like they're dazzled by Mojo's fashion sense. Or lack thereof. In an interview, Mojo says they didn't have to wait in line and that they walked in like they "owned the show." In an interview, Evan says that even though it was all prearranged, he was overwhelmed by how it went down, and it made him "feel like a millionaire for about a minute." In an interview, Mojo says she enjoyed it. Mojo and Evan sit in the front row while the people in the fancy costumes dance. In an interview, Evan says that Mojo was sitting close in front of him and every time he went to talk to her, she whapped him in the face with her hat. Hee! He wanted to throw her hat away. I wish he had. That would have been awesome. Especially if he called her an asshole first. In an interview, Mojo says they both enjoyed the entertainment, as we see a woman dancing topless. Well, I think we know why Evan was enjoying it, knowing how he feels about women falling out of their clothes. Mojo says she hopes Evan keeps her around for another date, and we watch them get in the car and head home.
In an interview, Melissa says that Paris is the most romantic city on Earth, and that Evan's job is to win her over because she's a good woman. If she's such a good woman, why is she going on a reality show to find a husband? Just asking. Evan and Melissa get into a limo to start their date. Melissa asks if they are going to the Eiffel Tower. Evan says he can't tell, and Melissa calls him "the secret keeper." In an interview, Evan says that his heart stopped and he wondered what she would think if she knew his real secret. In an interview, Melissa says that Evan wouldn't tell her anything, and she loves that because she loves surprises. The way she said, "lllllloooove that" sounded like that Molly Shannon character from SNL that goes, "I lllooove it, I lloooove it!" Melissa and Evan walk on the street in the rain, and he asks if she sees anything that interests her. She points to the Eiffel Tower in the distance, like, what is the obsession with the Eiffel Tower. I'd much rather go to Notre Dame or the Louvre or something, because once you've seen the Eiffel Tower from a distance, do you really need to go to it? ["As I suggested to my sister, Melissa was probably all excited about the Eiffel Tower because she didn't know any other Paris landmarks offhand." -- Wing Chun] Evan says they're going to the Eiffel Tower. In an interview, Melissa says she told Evan earlier that she wanted to go there and it was a "straight-up fairy tale." Oh, that's the first FTC in a few weeks. Of course, it came from Melissa. Evan says that the structure is massive. In an interview, Evan says that Melissa's excitement got him excited, too. Melissa is psyched about the private elevator to the top. They reach the top and walk out to the viewing deck. Melissa voice-overs that it's the most beautiful thing she's ever seen. She tells Evan that she has tears in her eyes. Or her face could just be wet because it's pouring rain and windy. In an interview, Evan says the place was empty and he knew Melissa thought he rented the place out, but really there was no one else there because the weather was so crappy. That's hilarious. In an interview, Melissa says that Evan was constantly watching her to see her reaction, and that made it more special. Evan and Melissa head back down. In an interview, Melissa says there is romance, and she felt it. Cut to a shot of her hugging Evan and putting her hands inside his shirt. Hee! The romance is under Evan's sweater!
Melissa and Evan have a glass of champagne in a restaurant. Evan sure does drink a lot of champagne. Melissa says she's really happy. In an interview, Evan says that Melissa is really honest and genuine, and that he thinks she really likes him. In an interview, Melissa says she has "total chemistry with him" and that chemistry is "uncontrollable." And then she lifts her hands up and waves them around like a magician. She's kind of an asshole too. Melissa says that it's a great first date. Evan says that after they leave the restaurant, they'll go back to his place for a cocktail. I'd be a little concerned about his constant drinking, I think. Evan says he's got a gift for her. In an interview, Melissa talks about all the stuff she got from Evan, and says that she would like to live comfortably. Back in Evan's room, Melissa and Evan drink some more champagne. How do they not get headaches all the time? Champagne gives me a headache. Evan and Melissa agree that it was a great day. Evan is ready to give Melissa her gift. He unveils a painting: a portrait of Melissa. Oh. It's so bad. First of all, it looks nothing like her. Second of all, one of the eyes is crossed. Third of all, she looks like Bugs Bunny with the teeth. The hair is all wrong. Who did this, Ray Charles? Evan points out the eyes as if they're not crossed. In an interview, Evan says he had a street artist paint it, and that he thought it was a great likeness of her. Isn't he supposed to be rich? Couldn't he afford something a little higher end than a street artist? Melissa gives Evan a hug. In an interview, Melissa says she was shocked. She says she loves it.
Evan wraps the painting back up and Melissa takes it back to her room. When she gets there, she shows it to Sarah, who says it's gorgeous. Melissa thinks her teeth look big. In an interview, Evan says that Melissa loved it, and that he definitely thinks she thought it looked like her. Sarah says that Melissa is prettier than the painting. Melissa examines it up close and says it looks like she has big buck teeth. Who cares? It's a painting by a street artist! Just throw it out when you get home. Actually, I'd hang it, like, over my mantel because it would make me laugh every time I saw it, but I'm weird like that. Alison checks it out. Melissa says she looks ethnic. What does that even mean? ["Jewish? Italian? Greek?" -- Wing Chun] Alison points out that even if it were a great likeness, it would be weird to hang it in her living room. I'm sure my best friend would approve of me doing it as a joke, though. Alison laughs and asks what you do with a portrait of yourself. Melissa still seems perturbed by the whole thing. She doesn't have much of a sense of humor about herself, does she?
Now it's time for Sarah's date. Ooh, actually, first it's time for some more footage of Evan in his underwear. What, I'm supposed to be impressed by his mental abilities? Evan and Sarah will be taking tango lessons. As he gets ready, Evan says Sarah seems fun, and that she gets along with everyone, and that she loves to talk. Cut to Sarah, Alison, and Melissa lying on a bed and talking about what Sarah should say to Evan. Well, Sarah is talking about it and Alison is rolling her eyes and Melissa is probably still wondering if her teeth are really that big. In an interview, Sarah says she was nervous so she tried to come up with "a revelry of questions." A revelry of questions? I don't think that means what she thinks it means. ["I think maybe she meant 'bevy.'" -- Wing Chun] Sarah continues to come up with more questions. In an interview, Alison says, "Her mind is working at a ridiculous rate, as well as her mouth." Sarah keeps cracking herself up. Melissa says that Evan steers clear of hard questions, and Sarah says she can't think of any. Meanwhile, Melissa is investigating Sarah's hair like a monkey. Those girls are weird.
Paul says that Evan is a difficult man to fit. Evan says they breed them big in the South. Paul brings up Sarah's name and says she was quiet that morning. She was? Not from what we've seen. In an interview, Paul says that Sarah seems self-absorbed, and spent a lot of time preening. Sarah, with curlers in her hair, does a little dance in front of the mirror. In an interview, Evan says that Sarah is "a little rigid." See, I still don't see where he's getting that impression. She seems goofy and ditzy, but not rigid. Maybe she just acts totally different around the other women. Evan says he took Sarah to tango lessons to "loosen her up a little bit."
Evan picks Sarah up and announces their destination. Sarah takes off her coat, and she has got quite a rack. I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to notice when she wears that tight a sweater? Evan gives Sarah her presents first. Sarah opens them to find a whole tango outfit, including a red bustier, new shoes, a skirt, and a scarf. In an interview, Sarah says that in Evan's position, she might start to get snotty or selfish, and he hasn't. Sarah thanks him and gives him a kiss. See? Not rigid. Evan tells her to put the clothes on.
Sarah walks out wearing the outfit, and she looks great. In an interview, Evan says that Sarah has "a great little rocket body." What does that even mean? She has booster engines that detach? ["She's tubular with a pointy head?" -- Wing Chun] The female instructor begins to teach. Sarah voice-overs that it was a little uncomfortable at first because the teacher didn't speak English. The instructor tries to demonstrate the moves to Evan, and he mimics her. Then the instructor grabs Sarah and starts dancing with her, which Evan describes as "kind of a pick-me-up." Sarah does look awesome in that outfit. In an interview, Sarah says they were learning how to do it and also having fun. Sarah and Evan dance together. In an interview, Sarah says it's a sensuous and elegant dance, so it made her feel comfortable with him. They dance closely. Her shoes are awesome.
Evan takes Sarah home, and she thanks him for their date. He leans in for the goodnight kiss. In an interview, Evan says that the date went well, and that Sarah's gorgeous. They show the kiss again in slow motion even though it was really just a peck. That night, Sarah and Melissa smoke together. Sarah says that Evan is a great guy, and Melissa agrees. She's happy that Sarah had a good time. Sarah says it was really fun. Sarah is clearly not a regular smoker. You can tell by the way she doesn't inhale. Sarah says that she and Evan have been platonic, and then on the date she had her leg wrapped around him, which kind of broke the ice. Sarah pauses and then asks if Melissa kissed Evan on their date. Melissa says she kissed him on the cheek and Sarah one-ups, "Ours was on the lips." In an interview, Sarah says she thinks Evan is fabulous, and that she likes "suave cultured guys," but that she'll take "a diamond in the rough." Then they cut in two shots of Sarah and Melissa to make us think Sarah is being all smug and Melissa is being all distressed, but really maybe Melissa just had a headache from that champagne. Or maybe Mojo walked in wearing another hat. Putting Mojo's date first was a bad idea, because now this episode has been Mojo-free for far too long.
The date will be with Zora. In an interview, Evan says he's "intrigued with Zora because there seems to be, like, a mystery behind her." This coming from a man who is probably shocked when the zoo keeper pulls off his mask in an episode of Scooby Doo and reveals that (gasp!) he's the villain and if it wasn't for those meddling kids, he would've gotten away with it. In an interview, Zora says she's dated wealthy people, but that she had little money growing up, so she's still a bit intimidated. Zora and Evan go to dinner in "a quiet bistro." Zora admits that she's a little uptight, and Evan says he could tell. In an interview, Evan says he could tell things weren't going to go smoothly. Evan asks Zora to tell him a little bit about her family and background. Zora says, "It's not, like, the best topic." What a weird thing to say. Is her dad in prison or something? Why wouldn't she just say that she had a difficult childhood and then change the subject to her college years or something from her past that she is comfortable discussing? In an interview, Zora says that it was more like an interview than a date. Evan tells her to ask him anything she wants to know. Zora asks if he has a good relationship with his both parents, and Evan says he's from a close family. Zora plays with her hair and looks really uncomfortable as Evan tells her that he wants to know some things about her. In an interview, Zora says she didn't have a great childhood and that she's not comfortable discussing that with someone who had a perfect childhood. So just say that! I don't see what the big deal is. I certainly have met people who didn't have happy childhoods, and it's not like you need to go on Oprah and confess all your problems. Just change the subject. Zora's being really strange about the whole thing. The waitress takes Zora's plate and she apologizes for not eating much and wasting food. She asks Evan what he's thinking about. He says he's taking in what little information she's given him. He says he got a lot from Sarah and Melissa. Well, that was shitty. Way to make her feel even more uncomfortable. In an interview, Zora says that Evan told her he had a fabulous time with the other girls and that she gave him nothing, which was hard to hear. Zora says she could pretend to be someone that she's not, but it seems like too much work, and she wouldn't want him to like her for being something she's not. Ooh, how prescient. Evan gets very serious and tells her to remember him saying this: "I know what it feels like to be portrayed as somebody that you're not." In an interview, Zora says that Evan repeatedly said there were things he's not proud of, and she wondered what he was getting at. Gee, I can't imagine why he wouldn't want to confide anything in her, since she's been so open about her own past. In an interview, Evan says he identified with what she was saying, and he thought he might have said too much. Evan asks Zora if she trusts him, and she shakes her head no.
Back at the hotel, the other women are dying to hear about Zora's date. They decide to call her room and see if she's back yet. Melissa calls and then pretends that Zora picks up to fool the other women. In an interview, Evan says he took Zora for a walk along the Seine and had an orchestra playing. He pronounces Seine "sane." As they walk toward the musicians, Evan has a bottle of wine in his hand, like, what is he, Jim Morrison, stumbling around the streets of Paris with a bottle of wine? In an interview, Evan says that the more he tries to win Zora over, the more she retreats. In an interview, Zora says that the more Evan picked up on her nervousness, the more uneasy she became. Evan gives Zora her gift, which is a music box. In an interview, Evan says he thought she would love it, but she got more uncomfortable when she opened it. In an interview, Zora says she thinks Evan's opinion of her went down. After opening the gift, Zora wipes away tears. Seriously, what is wrong with her? In an interview, Evan says that he felt frustrated by the end of the date because they couldn't connect, and he was second-guessing his decision to ask her to stay. In an interview, Zora says he wanted to know more about her, and didn't get to. As they walk off, Zora asks Evan if he enjoyed that music. Evan says, "Three weeks ago, I was driving a bulldozer..." and then he trails off. In an interview, Evan says that as soon as the words left his mouth, he knew he made a mistake. Maybe Production shouldn't let him drink an entire bottle of wine if they don't want him to slip up like that. ["Unless it was a fake slip." -- Wing Chun] Evan corrects himself and says it wasn't three weeks ago, but two years ago. In an interview, Evan says that he hopes Zora didn't notice his slip, and he doesn't think she did, because she just wanted to end their miserable date.
Evan drops Zora off at the hotel. Melissa, Sarah, and Alison sit in a bedroom gossiping. Where is Mojo? She must be hat shopping. Alison voice-overs that she doesn't think Zora will want to talk to them after her date because she'll be like, "Bitches will bring me down." In an interview, Zora says that she and Evan left on uncomfortable terms, and she didn't want to share that with the other girls. Zora puts a "Do Not Disturb" sign on her door. In an interview, Zora says it hit her that they were all dating the same guy. Melissa says that Zora has no game. In an interview, Sarah says they were all waiting up for Zora and wondering what happened. She adds that if Evan were falling for one of them, the others would like to know. In an interview, Zora says she doesn't know what the other women say about her, and she thinks they are getting competitive and jealous and talking behind each other's backs. Yeah! I hope so. That's why I'm tuning in.
The final date is with my best friend, Alison. She curls her hair and wonders what she's going to do. In an interview, Alison says that dates make her nervous, and if she gets any indication that it won't go well, she panics and tries to avoid the whole thing. Alison says she never puts this much effort into her hair. In an interview, Zora says she noticed that Alison had on her red skirt and a sexy top and kept working on her hair, and she thought that Alison said she and Evan had no chemistry, so Zora wondered why she was trying so hard. Alison does look awesome, although I'm not crazy about her hairstyle. In an interview, Zora says that Alison appears tough on the outside, but there's soft side. In an interview, Alison says that with her track record of freaking out in relationships, she thinks she should take herself out of the running. Alison says that she needs to get out before she does something hideous to her hair.
Evan shows up for the date. In an interview, Evan says that Alison seems smart and sophisticated with a spunky personality. That's my girl. I hope she loses. Evan and Alison go on a boat cruise down the Seine. In an interview, Evan says his goal is to get Alison to relax a little bit. That seems like code for "I hope she lets me touch her boobs." Evan pops the cork on yet another bottle of champagne, like, would someone call AA for this guy? Alison looks disgusted with Evan, and can you blame her? They go below deck, where there is a kitchen. Alison asks if they are cooking, and Evan tells her to show off her domestication. She warns him, "Watch it." I would have warned him, "Fuck off, caveman." In an interview, Alison says that they were eating foie gras and Evan was grossed out, and couldn't find anything on his plate he wanted to eat. Evan looks disgusted by his food, but seriously, I bet he's just hung over after his bottle of wine last night. In an interview, Alison says that she appreciates a certain level of sophistication. I think by "sophistication," she probably means, "not drinking straight out of the bottle." Evan says that if it's not a burger, he's not eating it. In an interview, Alison says she doesn't get the impression Evan has any sophistication. Evan actually smells his fork. The hell? In an interview, Alison concludes, "I'm not looking for Rico Suave or anything, but a little bit of smooth would be nice." Somewhere, Gerardo says, "Hey! I resent that. Also, could you ask Evan if I could have my jeans back now?"
Alison and Evan sit on the deck. Surprise! Evan's drinking. In an interview, Evan says he could tell they weren't connecting, and that she had a look of total disgust on her face. Dude. You smelled your fork. What do you expect? Evan asks what she's thinking about, and Alison says she's taking it all in. ["Which is funny, because it's exactly what Evan said when Zora asked him, on their crappy date, what he was thinking." -- Wing Chun] In an interview, Evan says he decided to put the ball in Alison's court. Evan asks her if she feels enough of a connection that she wants to see it through, and if she thinks they have chemistry. This whole conversation is totally dubbed in from another context, by the way. I don't know why. I guess it didn't fit into the date narrative the editors are constructing here. You can tell because they keep switching to long shots, and you hardly ever see the two of them actually speaking the words we are hearing. In fact, in some shots, Alison is talking while Evan's mouth is moving. Which is a neat trick, but not what they were going for, I think. Alison says she doesn't think it's working out and that she often freaks out in dating scenarios. In an interview, Evan says that the more they talked, the more he felt like Alison was just afraid of relationships. In an interview, Alison says she's had the experience before where she dreads something and then ends up having a good time. In an interview, Evan says that once Alison admitted her misgivings, they were both more comfortable. Evan tells Alison that she's cool, and he liked that she was the first one in, because he thought it was an indication of what was to come. Alison says she's having a good time and that, if all goes well, he'll meet her friends. Evan asks what she means by that, since she had practically said earlier that she really didn't want to continue dating him. Alison admits that she meant that the romance might pan out. In an interview, Evan says that you don't insinuate that a guy might meet your friends if you're not into him.
Cut back to the bench setting, which is a conversation that supposedly took place before Alison admitted her misgivings. Alison talks about her family, and how her dad drives a school bus now that he's semi-retired. In an interview, Evan says that he was psyched to hear that, because he thought it meant they might have a lot more in common than he thought, and that's why he wanted to continue the date. Evan voice-overs that Alison had always wanted to see Notre Dame, so even though the date was technically over, he took her there. Oh, I don't like Alison's aqua coat with her red skirt. It hurts my eyes. But I imagine she only brought one coat, so I'll let it go. Alison voice-overs that Evan is a fun guy and that she's glad she got to know him. Evan asks the cameraman if they can get a shot of the Parisian mullet, and points to a guy in front of them with bad hair. In an interview, Evan says that it suddenly got easy. Evan and Alison walk and laugh together. In an interview, Alison says that, in the end, she had a good time, so she's scared because she doesn't know what he'll do. They get in the limo to go home.
Paul comes to the door and invites the woman downstairs. Melissa says that it's doomsday. Oh my God, they just showed Mojo and I think she was wearing sunglasses. Inside. To sit around and chat with the other women. She puts the "ass" in "sunglasses." In an interview, Melissa says they thought three women might be eliminated this time, so they're all nervous. In an interview, Zora says she thought they might cut two. Sarah says the odds are that more than one will be eliminated. In an interview, Sarah says she thinks she and Melissa will stay, but that the rest are wild cards. Paul appears to ask them downstairs.
The women go out and get into a limo. In the car, Melissa says something about not all fairy tales having happy endings, so that brings the FTC for the episode up to two. Alison says that some fairy tales end with the knife. The women all get on a boat. Fucking Mojo is wearing a midriff-baring top again. Hate her. They all look nervous and fidgety. Alex shows up! Alex! She's alive! I had totally forgotten about her existence. She's wearing the fugliest mauve corduroy skirt and blazer ever. And she has a mauve-tinted fur around her neck. Who in the hell was her stylist on the show? Mojo? Alex says that, in a moment, Evan will hand out four emerald necklaces. She concludes, "So I'll just get Evan." That's it? That's her whole part this week? I hope she doesn't get paid by the minute, because I don't think she was even there for sixty seconds. In an interview, Alison says she's freaking out because everything is out of her control. We are so destined to be BFF because I am a control freak, too.
Paul and Evan enter the room. Paul carries a silver tray with the emerald necklaces on it. He takes care to shut the door behind him, and I imagine that he's locking Alex away until it's time for her forty-five seconds of screen time week. Maybe that furry thing around Alex's neck bit her and she has rabies and that's why we never see her. The mystery continues. Evan voice-overs that he had to eliminate one girl, and that it was probably the hardest decision of the whole show.
Evan greets the women and says that they had five really good dates, and that he hopes they all enjoyed the adventure. In an interview, Evan says that the process is very hard. Oh, quit pretending he made the decisions himself. I'm sure the producers told him he could pick one or two and then they picked the rest. In the worst-edited sequence yet, Evan wiggles his eyebrows at someone, and they try to make it out like it was Sarah, and we see her reaction shot, but the problem is that I think there is only one camera in the room so they couldn't have possibly gotten all that. Evan asks Paul to start, and he calls Sarah's name first. In an interview, Evan says that he gets along with Sarah and that they have great conversations. Then he admits his real reason, which is that she looked really hot in her tango outfit.
Paul calls the woman up: Melissa. Evan voice-overs that he and Melissa had a good date, and he thinks he will still be interested in her down the road. Ooh, I think Mojo just rolled her eyes at Melissa. That would be the only spark of interesting personality she's shown so far. Paul calls the third name: Mojo. Fucking Mojo. I think Evan was confused by her hat. The women all look kind of annoyed that they have to hang out with Mojo a little longer. Evan voice-overs the same clip that we heard at the top of the episode about Mojo being a tall blonde bombshell. Evan adds that she will be successful in life, because she's a go-getter. I can envision a future where she goes to Wal-Mart and gets another ugly top with ruffles, but that's about it as far as going and getting anything. There's more eyebrow-wiggling from Mojo and then she finally sits down.
We're down to the last necklace. They draw it out for a really long time, and finally Paul announces Zora's name. Zora sits there like, "Did he really say my name? Zora? Me?" After a second, she stands up. Alison shakes her head and says, "Don't do this to me." Like Heidi's comment last week, I think that was taken out of context, because come on. In an interview, Zora says she was shocked to be chosen. Evan voice-overs that even though their date didn't go well, Zora's intriguing and he wants to keep her around. Evan looks at Alison and they both laugh. He says, "We're smiling, Alison. You and I." Alison classily says she was happy to be there. Yay! She didn't win! In an interview, Evan says that Alison was clearly upset about his decision, and that he didn't want her to look disappointed. Evan thinks that Alison wants a guy who is more refined, and that he doesn't think he could live up to her expectations. In other words, she would expect him to be an equal partner in the relationship, and she wouldn't wait on him hand and foot, and he just can't deal with that. Evan tells the women that he'll see them later and leaves. In an interview, Paul says that Evan is intrigued by Alison and would like to chase after her, but he doesn't know how.
The women prepare to leave. Alison asks Paul if he's giving her "the old heave-ho" and she takes his arm. The other women say goodbye. Alison walks out and gets in a car. Maybe she's coming to my house for our slumber party. (I'm starting to creep myself out with this.) In an interview, Alison says that Evan asked how she felt about this situation, and she wishes she could take back her response. Alison packs her things and voice-overs that she's going into "romantic detox."
The remaining four women stay on the boat. In an interview, Mojo says that they are all starting to build relationships with Evan. Zora voice-overs that they're all more interested in Evan than they're willing to say. In an interview, Melissa says that some of the women (Mojo) try to do things to make sure they get to the round (blowjobs). In an interview, Mojo says she wants to stay, but that the round will be even more difficult. Luckily, she can delve into her arsenal of assy accessories (assessories?) to win her man!
Paul sits by the fireplace and says that it's a pity because he liked Alison. Me too! But I'm glad she lost. Paul says that Evan might look back and think that Alison was the one that got away, and Paul warned him that "a faint heart never won a fair maiden." Paul says that week, Evan will move into the chateau for some "late-night rendezvous" in the hot tub. Is it hot in the hot tub?
week: The competition gets fierce. Sarah has a fabulous date with Evan. Someone is drunk. Evan? Evan kisses some of them. Evan thinks someone is an opportunist and says he has no chemistry with someone. And then he gives out ruby necklaces. Whoo!