Adam finds Joan at her locker. He has a little trouble getting her attention; Joan explains, "My mom burned a hole in my ear lecturing me about college." Adam wants to know what time to pick her up tomorrow for the field trip to Dawson State. ["Cute." -- Sars] Joan needs to be reminded of why they're going there. Adam explains that their guidance counsellor told him state schools offer more financial aid and advised him to use it as leverage for the Ivy League schools he wants to get into. Joan doesn't see the point in her going: her grades are crap so far this year, and the work is only getting harder. She shows Adam an Astrobrite yellow flyer advertising a seminar called "Hidden Rainbows / Alternatives to Higher Learning" offered by Mr. Dana Tuchman, the counsellor. She thinks it looks cool, and Tuchman said she was perfect for it. Adam: "No, this is the Slacker Symposium!" Joan: "No, don't say that! It could be interesting. Look, we'll still be together. I'll figure out a way to be wherever you are, just not in college. It's not for me. Why can't people accept that?" Adam says he accepts it, but thinks she's selling herself short. Well, I agree she has potential, but thenlet's not forget that the girl sprained her ankle in a washing machine. We're not dealing with R. Buckminster Fuller here. Joan reminds him that he's an artist: "You of all people should understand that there are other ways of being happy and whole and creative outside of conventional education, right?" Adam: "I guess" Joan claims to be really excited: "I just feel all these exciting new horizons unfolding." She opens the door to Tuchman's seminar and is hit in the head a couple of times with wads of paper being tossed around by the roomful of slackers, losers, and other underachievers. Adam: "Good luck, Jane." He takes off. Joan notices Goth God waving to her. He pats the empty chair to him. She sits down and claims, "I always knew God was an underachiever." Theme song.
The galoot in front of Joan turns around and stuffs some snack food into his piehole, leering at Joan as he licks his fingers. Professor Frink: "Dude, you're hitting on God's girl." Tuchman comes in, and it's the first time we've seen him. He's sort of a Poor Man's James Spader (tm Gustave). He greets them: "Good morning, dregs of society! I will be your guide to the narrow alleyways of alternative achievement. If anyone understands what that means -- it's an Ivy League educated man who works for the public school system." What is with the attitude of the staff at Arcadia High School? PMJS seems like he's been sucking at the snotty teat of Price's negativity and arrogance. Aren't there any sincere, earnest, supportive, die-hard, go-kids-go staff members at AHS? I mean, apart from Helen, I guess? PMJS goes on to say that brings him to lesson number one: "Don't be bitter." I'll bet lesson number two is "do as I say and not as I do." Joan whispers to Goth God to ask why he's there. He replies, "It's a guidance session. I'm all about guidance." Joan gripes, "Maybe if you were a little more specific." Goth God: "Yeah, but you didn't like it when I told you what to do." Joan: "I like it less when you don't." Interesting. PMJS would like Joan to share her thoughts with the class. Joan laughs weakly and apologizes: "Sorry, we're -- we're just beingrude. Continue." PMJS carries on: "The point is, each of you is unique, and has hidden talents." Well, he gets points for not sticking an adverb in front of "unique" and for using the correct verbs. His attitude still sucks, though. "Some of them more hidden than otherssometimes one might say they're invisible. But up until now, you've been pumped full of dreams, most of which that [sic] aren't even your own." "Most of which that"? Yeesh. I'm taking those points back. Starting up his AV show, he displays a picture of a sunset and asks, "How about a few less dreamsand a few moregoals?" Not crazy about "few less" either, though it's become pretty common usage.
“ Back in the early Reagan years, when I was in high school, there was generally very little contact between teachers and students outside of fairly well-defined parameters, usually involving school premises. (Regardless of what Sting was yowling about at the time in 'Don't Stand So Close To Me.') ”
He shows a picture of a team scoring or something. "Because goals are attainableand dreams are what happen when you eat cheese before you go to bed." Indeed. If you have not read Winsor McCay's sublime Dreams of the Rarebit Fiend, which contains some of the funniest and most wonderful drawings in the history of comic art, you must rush out right this minute and acquire it. Forget the recap. Go, now. It'll be here when you get back. And while you're at it, get a book that includes the Little Nemo in Slumberland, strips and you'll thank me for introducing you to some of the most beautiful comic art ever. Anyway, the kids are completely underwhelmed by all of this, so PMJS moves on to show them pictures of some people who didn't get four years of college. He inserts a picture of Shakespeare upside down. Heh. This elicits only the mildest titter from the nearly comatose audience. He mentions Charlie Chaplin, Rosa Parks, and Abraham Lincoln. How about Joan of Arc? No one's especially moved. PMJS: "People who changed the history of the world because of their unique and singular vision, and their belief in that vision, and not because of a diploma." Joan considers this, and then leans over to Goth God: "Hey, that's kind of true, isn't it? Guidance counselors can't lie, right?" He replies, "Guidance comes in many forms, Joan. It can point you in a lot of different directions. You have to develop a little bit of discernment." PMJS: "Okay, now you're just starting to piss me off." Goth God gets up and walks out as PMJS drones on about how the TV commercials for DeVry and like institutions aren't making up their success stories. Joan glances at the guy to her, who's busy digging for treasure. I suppose we should be grateful he's using a Kleenex.
As the students exit Slacker Symposium, I notice one of the girls is extremely pregnant. Interesting. I can't remember ever seeing a pregnant teenager on a show like this where it was just incidental. PMJS calls to Joan as he's hauling the AV cart out of the room: "I was surprised to see you withthat guy this morning." He wonders if she broke up with Adam. Joan says that guy was "someone else," and is surprised to realize that PMJS knows who she's seeing. Well, she's been hanging all over Adam all semester. PMJS has probably seen them. Also, Price knows about Joan and Adam, and school staff members do talk. I can't imagine the subject of Joan Girardi doesn't come up fairly frequently in the staff lounge, at least when Helen's not around. PMJS says the Guidance department knows everything. Not in my experience, it doesn't. He glances at the brochure Joan's carrying and says, "I'm psyched you're gravitating toward design." At least that's what the closed captioning says. To me it sounded more like "Looks like you're gravitating toward design." Joan claims, "Well, I like it. I like interior design and furniture and you knowdrapes." She sighs. Honey, if your lamps are any indication, the only future you've got in interior design is going to resemble that of loony Trading Spaces alumna Dez Ryan. He starts lecturing her: "You can't think of this as a failure. You have to think of it as pragmatism. Hit me on my cell phone if you just want to talk." Is this usual now, guidance counselors giving their cell phone numbers to students? I wouldn't know. Back in the early Reagan years, when I was in high school, there was generally very little contact between teachers and students outside of fairly well-defined parameters, usually involving school premises. (Regardless of what Sting was yowling about at the time in "Don't Stand So Close To Me.") Having given her his number, PMJS wanders off and Goth God approaches her, saying, "Design. I like it. That's why I put it everywhere." Hee. But God, why'd you have to put so much bad design out there? Joan sneers, "Aren't you perfect?" He says he has a specific assignment for her: "Since you miss them so much." Joan laughs. He tells her to go with Adam and check out the state college. He wants her to make informed choices: "They're better than the other kind. Besides, you already told him you'd go and I like follow-through." As he takes off, Joan calls out, "Well, I like privacy! Now that we're listing what we like -- privacy and autonomy!" He just gives her the Godwave. Joan says to herself: "I just used 'autonomy' in a sentence. Huh."
“ Joan drifts into a daydream, seeing herself and Adam as the Frisbee-playing couple, wearing their matching red Dawson State sweatshirts, laughing and frolicking and wrestling on the grass in slo-moI can just picture Adam trying to hold back the puke if he could witness this little reverie. ”
Will arrives home to find Helen on the sofa, reading. She says, "Hey, whoa, Lucy[fer] kept you late." Will: "She didn't 'keep me.' She's my boss. I had work." Helen says okay. He says there may be a breakthrough on Judith's case and that Lucy's agreed to sweat Judith's killer's drug supplier until he rats out the killer. Helen: "She's really something." Will: "You know, if you're gonna hate my boss for a hobby, this is gonna be a long year." Helen says mildly, "I don't hate her, Will." He points to her reading and asks, "So what's the Almighty up to -- passing out boils and leprosy?" He goes to the bar to fix a drink. Helen tries to change the subject by mentioning that Joan and Adam are going to Dawson State tomorrow. Will's not having it; he's clearly spoiling for a fight: "When do you take your vows? Isn't that getting close?" Helen: "I'm notbecoming a nun, Will, I'm getting confirmed, and we haven't picked a date yet." Will persists: "But you're on board with everything: God created us, God can destroy us, nobody asked to be here, nobody gets to know why." Helen's had enough, and closes her books: "Okay, so I'm not having this discussion with you." I don't blame her a bit. Will: "What kind of faith crumbles under a few questions?" Helen stops on her way out of the room, and replies, "These aren't real questions, Will. It's a hostile attack. I'll strike a deal with you: You don't pry into my higher power and I won't pry into yours." Yow. Also, burn. Good scene, very realistic.
Joan and Adam are walking across the Dawson State campus, talking about the interview process and his strategy for getting the most money from the best school. He tells her she should try to set up an interview while she's there. She claims she's committed to interior design, and PMJS told her that there are millions of schools in California: "What with earthquakes, things fall down, you have to redecorate them" Adam says he kind of likes the idea of them at college together. "And Tuchman's such awart, you know? No, I mean, he's old, and has an earring. He called me 'rocker' once." Joan says he went to Brown. Is it my imagination, or is Adam getting cuter with each new episode? He replies, "So? All that means is he's smart enough to put a spell on you." She says she's not under spell, and not to worry about her: "I know what I'm doing." She kisses him: "Go get your scholarship." He leaves and she sits down, looking at the campus activity all around her: people postering, a happy couple playing Frisbee togetherJoan drifts into a daydream, seeing herself and Adam as the Frisbee-playing couple, wearing their matching red Dawson State sweatshirts, laughing and frolicking and wrestling on the grass in slo-moI can just picture Adam trying to hold back the puke if he could witness this little reverie. He's already scared of her propensity for romantic idealization. Hell, I'm scared and I'm not dating her. Frink: "Aw, it's just like a Newport cigarettes ad." Her fantasy is interrupted by some guy handing out flyers: "Midterm fire sale: Sweet deals on the Mongol invasion, Byzantine Empire, M-brane theory" Joan looks at him: "Selling tests? That's kind of gross. I could be some kind of narc." The guy looks so much like Jeremy London (or whichever London boy was on Party of Five -- can't remember anymore, don't care) that I'm fairly convinced it is him all through the show, although there's some Brendan Fraser mixed in there. It's actually Mark Matkevich, probably best known as Drue Valentine on Dawson's Creek. Except I stopped watching that show in late 1999, which was before he started on the show, so I had no idea about this until I read the forums later. But it makes the name "Dawson State" a little funnier.