Episode Report Card Deborah: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Six Feet Under
By Deborah | Season 2 | Episode 11 | Aired on 12.09.2004
Joan's standing on the diving board, looking apprehensive. She's wearing a red one-piece bathing suit. Coach Keady drones, "Before the water evaporates, Miss Girardi." Then some wacky-scary dream music starts playing, as Joan bleats, "I can't!" We see the rest of the diving team pointing at her and laughing. Joan stares down at the water. Frink notes that there's a cruciform shape in the pattern of the tiles. She hears Judith's voice saying, "It's okay, JoJo. So are you gonna dive or what?" She looks down at the deck of the pool and Judith is casually standing there in her street clothes, smiling up at her. Joan doesn't seem happy to see her: "Great. Now you're gonna get on me about this, too?" Judith advises her, "Just let yourself go. You can do it." Joan looks doubtfully at the water. Suddenly, behind Joan, Captain Washboard's there, wearing a pair of paints, no shirt, and dark swimming goggles…brandishing a circular saw. Joan turns and looks horrified. He starts sawing the diving board and cackling maniacally as Joan pleads with him to stop, shrieking that she can't do it. Frink: "That's so Wile E. Coyote."
Joan wakes up to the shrill sound of her alarm clock, disoriented and panting slightly.
Will says to Chewy, "Who knew I'd love the narcs?" Chewy: "They found our guy." Will says they found their guy's supplier, Vladimir Karpovich, and that they were waiting to take him down to see if he'd hand them a bigger fish. Chewy exposits, "But we're taking him now because he'll lead us to where Edwards is." Will says there are a couple of narcs waiting outside Karpovich's for them. He advises Chewy to put on a bulletproof vest: "Guy's got company. Does small arms on the side."
Pool. Captain Washboard and Luke emerge from the boys' locker room. In Speedos. Yes, there's Luke all but naked. Joan emerges from the girls' locker room just after them, and Coach Keady starts bellowing at them: "Okay, tadpoles, swan dives, off the low board. Keep 'em simple and straight. Line up!" The first guy does his, and it doesn't look that bad to me, but some of the team members giggle. I really don't know squat about diving. I think Glynis is up next…or it might be Clara Bow. Seriously, she's wearing a dark blue bathing suit with red trim and a little red hip belt detail, and on its own it wouldn't be especially weird, but coupled with what she's wearing on her head, which is a beige or pale pink bathing cap with big jaunty pink flowers on the side, the effect is very 1920s-flapper-out-to-shock-her-father-at-the-beach. Or something. She makes her way carefully to the end of the board, and seems to start the dive well, but then kinds of twists sideways and concludes very clumsily on her back. Coach Keady instructs the rest of the team: "Don't…do that." We get a shot of Luke, and I think he's looking sad for Glynis, actually. Keady blows her whistle and summons "female Girardi" to the board. Joan scampers onto the board and runs to the end of the board, bounces once, and confidently does a belly flop into the pool. Ow! Oh my God. That's just brutal. I find that hard to watch in the way other people don't care to view, say, colorectal surgery. Nonetheless, I replayed it about ten times, trying to determine whether Amber Tamblyn did the jump herself or not. I think she did, but if it was a stunt double, it was a damn good one. Of course the teams yuks it up at her expense, while Joan comes up spluttering and gasping. Coach Keady instructs Luke: "Male Girardi: don't emulate." Luke approaches the board and takes his glasses off, leaving them at the back of the board. Seems like a good place for them to get stepped on. He walks to the end of the board slowly as Joan climbs out of the pool, grunting and ow-ing. He pauses there while the camera drifts from his feet up to his head, giving us all a damn good look at his body. I'd tell you all about it except I'm afraid I have to refrain from commentary until at least July 25, 2005. Let me just say this: Merry Christmas, Michael Welch fans. He stands there, anxiously contemplating the water. Joan's clutching Glynis now as they watch him. Keady blows her whistle: "Mr. Girardi…" Luke still stands there. Keady prods him, pointing out, "I'm not known for my patience." Luke finally bolts, grabbing his glasses on the way, and saying he doesn't feel well. He runs past his teammates into the locker room, as they mock him: "Don't forget to adjust your bra, Girardi!" Much guffawing. Joan and Glynis look concerned.
Will and Chewy are getting their 12-gauge pump-action shotguns out of the trunk outside Karpovich's place. Chewy offers Will some gum. Will declines, so Chewy puts it in his mouth along with the wad he's already ruminating. Will tells him, "Hey, take it easy: guy actually has to understand his Miranda rights." Heh. Will's cell phone rings, and it's Lucyfer calling to tell him that it turns out there are five guys inside Karpovich's. She's calling them off because she's decided to send in the SWAT team. She wants him to come back to the station. Will doesn't take this too well: "You want SWAT, fine. But this is my case, I'm making the arrest." Lucyfer replies calmly but firmly, "No, you're following orders. I want you to come on back to the station. Do you copy that?" Will balks: "Yeah, but we're already here! I'm running the scene now. You signed off on it!" Lucyfer loses a little patience: "I am your commanding officer, Detective Girardi, and I am telling you to get your ass back to the station right now or I will suspend you. Do you copy that?" I dunno, maybe her ex-husband went in for that sorta talk, but I don't think it does much for Will. He replies, "Yeah. I copy." He hangs up and walks back to the car, ignoring Chewy's question about what's going on. We cut back to Lucyfer sitting in her office, with her hand on her chest, as if she found that kind of difficult.