Out of Sight

Props to Anni-Frid, Benny, Bjrn and Agnetha.

Joan "I Have A Dream" Girardi is lying on Dr. "As Good As New" Dan's office couch, complaining that she saw God again this morning: "He's gonna screw my life up all over again." Dr. Dan, who, sadly, is not played by Paul Rudd or John Corbett or anybody like that, replies, "We've talked about this, Joan. These visions are hallucinatory projections." Joan insists: "No, he's real. He's back."

Cut to Joan suddenly outside, still lying on Dr. Dan's sofa, and watching a bunch of kids walking under a banner reading "Camp Gentle Acres" -- and mocking her. Cute Guy "Angeleyes" God is sitting in Dr. Dan's chair, with a big scroll listing things for Joan to do. He lets go of the scroll and it unrolls endlessly. Joan leaps off the couch and tries to outrun the list.

She runs into her kitchen, where her family is having breakfast. Her mother asks, "How's God?" Joan wonders what she's talking about. Will says pleasantly, "Dr. Dan called and told us everything." As breathless, bewildered Joan complains about violations of confidence, Kevin remarks to Luke, "Maybe God told him to!" They laugh. Helen tells them, "Now be nice, boys. Your sister's insane." Joan begs her mother to promise she won't tell anybody what the shrink said. Helen doesn't say anything. Joan hears someone say, "Psst!" She looks down to find a tiny Goth God perched on the rim of her empty cereal bowl. Goth God asks, "Are you ashamed of me, Joan?" Horrified, she flips out and sends the bowl flying off the table. It smashes on the floor. She starts to run out of the kitchen as her mother tells her to have a nice day, but Helen suddenly appears to be Mrs. LandingGod.

Joan rushes out onto the porch. Adam is standing in the foreground, facing the street. His hood's pulled up and he's smiling. Joan runs up to him and throws her arms around him from behind, sighing with relief: "I just want to be with you." Adam says, "Me, too." Only it's not Adam's voice. When he turns around, she sees it's Cute Guy God in Adam's hoodie. Neither of them speaks; Joan runs to her car and zooms off. Professor "Honey Honey" Frink: "Hey, she didn't let it warm up. That's bad for the car." Me: "Well, that's a good point, exceptdream." As she drives along, she sees an old lady crossing the street at the intersection ahead. Well, not an old lady: Mrs. "Watch Out" LandingGod. She stops right in the intersection. Joan's foot hovers over the brake but then she floors it. Wow. This is twice Mrs. L's been on the wrong end of a homicidal automobile. Joan wakes up, panting and sweating. Theme song.

Joan's sitting at the kitchen table looking mopey. Kevin "He Is Your Brother" Girardi wheels in behind her and grabs her bagel, taking a bite and putting it back on the table. Joan: "Hey!" Kevin: "You've been staring at it for an hour. It was growing mold." Joan licks the bagel petulantly and tosses it on her plate, shoving it toward Kevin: "Bon apptit!" Will "Move On" Girardi asks wearily if they can't wait until the caffeine kicks in. Joan says Dr. Dan says it's important for her to let her feelings out. I hadn't noticed her repressing them all that much, actually. She cries more than Tammy Faye Baker and when she's not crying she's usually emoting about something. Will wonders what happened to cheeriness and optimism. Joan sighs, "I have no future in optimism." Helen "Hole In Your Soul" Girardi comes in and asks Joan to pick up a list of books for her when she goes to work at the bookstore today. Will adds a request for "one of those itty-bitty light things. Kept me up all night!" Helen apologizes, saying she was so wrapped up in "that Graham Greene novel." Luke "Head Over Heels" Girardi comes barrelling into the kitchen so fast he trips right over Kevin's lap as Kevin is wheeling toward the table. Luke lands in a heap on the floor, apologizing profusely. As he gathers his things, Kevin grabs one of his CDs and says, "Dude" He shows it to Joan: "ABBA." It's Gold: Greatest Hits. Joan: "Luke! Did you actually pay money for that?" Hey! I have that CD. ABBA rules. ABBA rule? I hate the band name agreement thing. But people, before you sneer: they knew how to write and arrange a damn pop song. As one fan wrote of "Knowing Me, Knowing You" (which is my favourite ABBA song), they had "production so crisp you could fry chicken in it." Soenjoy the nicknames, 'cause ABBA recorded a whole lotta songs, and we're gonna show a little respect.

Luke claims the ABBA CD is for "For science. Research. You know, about the optical recording process developed by the Philips laboratory" Luke isn't a very good liar, but fortunately, he knows how to exploit his family's indifference to matters technical and scientific. Joan turns away, interjecting: "I'm bored now." Will: "I like ABBA'Dancing Queen, thatdoo-doo-doo'Fernando' song" Oh, Will. You're not helping my case here. Joan rolls her eyes. He turns to Helen: "Honey, remember that concert, you wore a white jacket with fringe" Joan complains, "Oh, too much information." Will gives up. Someday someone should explain to Joan where babies, including her, come from. She looks at her mother's book list: "So, Mom, more recommendations from the surfing nun book club?" Hey, that sounds like a book club I'd want to join. So they all know now. Helen says that the first part of the catechism is questioning man's relationship with God, so Lily's suggested novels and essays on the subject. Joan says Helen's being brainwashed. Will gives Joan a look like he's glad someone's saying it, and that it's not him. Joan: "Why would you trust some surfer who settles in Arcadia?" Heh. I was wondering that myself last week. Helen: "There's nothing devious about examining spiritual issues." Luke adds, "Einstein believed there had to be some intelligence behind the design of the universe." Joan: "Well, Dr. Dan says that relying on some outside force to tell you how to live is actually a way to avoid living." Okay, that "Dr. Dan says" shit is going to get old real fast. Helen says, "I don't agree. And I don't think a doctor should tell you how to live." I'll bet Mental Acres doesn't give refunds. Joan snipes, "So you trust God? Because he really came through for Kevin." Will says that's enough. Kevin says it's pretty hard to believe in God, in light of the lawsuit they're facing. So they all know about that, too. Helen: "There is such a thing as free will. Us being sued because of you --" Kevin quickly interjects, "Oh, it's not because of me. It's because of Andy and his greedy-ass family." Helen says that's what she's saying. Kevin: "What, that God abandons you when you need him most?" Helen: "No" Kevin: "Then God thinks it's okay that the drunk who took my legs can take everything else from us, too?" Will breaks it up and Helen says she didn't mean to start a fight; she just wanted Joan to pick up some books for her. Joan: "Yeah. About God." She gets up and leaves the table. I wonder idly if Joan would prefer that her mother were looking into Satanism.

Joan and Grace enter school and go through the security procedure, getting wanded. So they didn't just dump that after that one episode. Joan's wearing a cute black and white print dress and black cardigan, and complaining, "I thought, after spending [the] summer at crazy camp, I would know how to deal, but my mom's become all religious." Grace: "Dude, my father's a rabbi." Joan, barely listening: "Right. I feel like things are more whacked than when I left. You know, like Luke listening to an ABBA CD?" That gets Grace's attention: "ABBA? You're kidding! I mean, I don't care" Joan, still not very good at the "observing" and "noticing" thing God always wants her to do, blathers on: "How do you deal with your dad being all into God?" Grace: "Sometimes I hide his yarmulke and watch him freak." Hee! But wouldn't he have more than one? Joan, still not especially listening, says she hears all this "God talk" and it makes her feel a lot of pressure to be perfect: "And Dr. Dan said that's what made me so dysfunctional. I'm a kid! I'm should be able to be just a kid, you know?" Grace mutters into her locker (which has hardly any stuff in it this year, other than a sticker that says "Love Drug" -- heh): "ABBAand those little meatballs. No wonder Sweden's filled with drugs." Well, it sounds to me like she says "drugs," but the closed captioning says "drunks." Either way, the show's producers should expect a letter from the Swedish Anti-Defamation League. Joan gripes, "Thanks for the support, Grace." She glances down the hall and sees Cute Guy God leaning against a locker. She crumples a bit and whines, "Oh, no" Grace wonders what's wrong, but Joan just says, "Nothing. See you in class."

She walks down the hall, tossing her hair pissily as she pointedly ignores Cute Guy God. He starts to walk away as she turns the corner and runs into Goth "Rock Me" God. I think that's a new record for proximity of avatars, isn't it? Joan's caught slightly off guard and says, "I told you I didn't want to see you anymore." He walks behind her, saying, "I thought maybe you had changed your mind. It seemed like we really connected last time." Joan insists they didn't. Goth God: "So you didn't feel anything?" Joan "Why Did It Have To Be Me" Girardi stops: "Look, it's over, okay? You're just going to have to adjust to that. Call up a friend on the phone and bitch about me if you need to, but you have to find someone else." Goth God: "I just want" Joan holds up her hand and squeezes it quickly into a fist: "No! I don't want to hear it!" She takes off. Frink: "Dude, God's a stalker." Me: "I know! Where do you get a restraining order for God? I doubt even Gavin de Becker knows what to do about that." He tails her, advising her to just keep her eyes open. She wants to know what he means by that. She says they're already open. He continues, "I know how hard it is, being back, reconnecting. You have choices to make" Joan: "Well, I have free will, right?" He agrees. She says she's using it right now and takes off with a sternly dismissive hand gesture: "I choose a life without you!"

Joan goes back to trying to kiss Adam but he's finally had enough, asking her, "Would you get off me, please?" He gets up as Joan gripes, "What is your problem, Adam? Why can't you just loosen up for once?" ["Man, she's obtuse. If she were any more obtuse she'd be a circle. I liked her less than Boozith in this episode, honestly. Shut up, Joan." -- Sars] Adam looks at her and asks, "Is this what you want? Or is this just the official Joanith party line?" Joan laughs mirthlessly, saying she knew he didn't like Boozith. Adam sputters, "That's not trueI -- I -- I --" Joan: "You don't know what she means to me. This summer I didn't know if I was insane, or what. I would just lie there on my stupid, saggy bed and cry, and she was the only one who cared." Adam responds, "And I'm glad she was there for you. But why does that mean you have to turn into someone else? I mean, what happened to Jane?" Joan snaps, "I'm not Jane, okay? The name is Joan!" I flinch. "I just want to be who I am and not who everyone else wants me to be!" Adam: "Fine. Then don't let me get in the way, okay?" He walks off. I really love that when they disagree, he doesn't yell or scream or turn macho or throw stuff around or make empty threats. He just says what he has to say as calmly as he can. Joan looks worried, then pissed. Then she starts wandering through the crowd of partiers, seeming slightly surprised when she brushes past Cute Guy God. Before either of them can say anything, Boozith's calling to her. She's hanging on the mantel, swaying and drinking. She asks Joan, "Where'd beautiful boy go?" Ugh. Joan: "Who cares?" Noticing that Boozith's tequila bottle is about seven-eighths empty, Joan asks if she really drank all that. Boozith offers her the bottle: "Last shot, all Jo-Jo's." Joan declines, so Boozith naturally goes for it. She loses her balance and Joan catches her, steadying her on the arm of a chair. Joan asks if she really thinks she should be drinking this much. Boozith: "Buzz kill. Go! Jo-Jo find Boy-Boy. One of us should get some lovin'." Oy. Well, there's always Friedman, Boozith. I'm sure in your grossly intoxicated state you could hardly tell the difference between Adam and Friedman. Joan seems very hesitant to leave Boozith, but Boozith shoos her off.

Cut to Luke "Kisses of Fire" Girardi making out with Grace "I Let The Music Speak" Polk. "Celebration" starts up again and she stops kissing him to say, "You put it on repeat in an attempt to circumvent our five-minute makeout rule." Luke: "Free will between the amorous parties supersedes contractual duty rendering our agreement void ab initio." Grace: "You're impaired, dude." She doesn't seem unhappy about it. Luke: "Caveat emptor. I have grounds to renegotiate." They go back to making out. They're all "Gracias Por La Musica."

Joan sits on the porch, calling out to no one in particular, "Adam, I'm sorry!" Glynis "Nina, Pretty Ballerina" Figliola comes out the front door, glued at the lips to some guy. Joan asks, "Glynis! Have you seen Adam?" Glynis unglues herself long enough to say, "Just Sean. We spent the summer doing cellular research at Stanford." She giggles and they go back to smooching giddily as they walk off.

Grace walks -- alone -- into the room we last saw Boozith in. She notices that Boozith "S.O.S" Montgomery is flat out on the floor, unconscious, with an empty bottle on her torso. Grace: "Judith? Judith!" No response. A couple making out on a chair splits. There are lots of people around; they couldn't be more indifferent. Grace tries to rouse Boozith but can't. Frink: "Please turn her on her side." As Grace is trying to wake her up, Friedman is there with his obligatory inappropriate comment: "Back off, Marge, she's mine." Grace asks, "Did she finish this whole bottle in an hour?" Friedman: "Is that even possible?" Grace: "Yeah, if you wanna die! Judith! Judith!" She tells Friedman to call 911. He stands there like a dolt. Grace: "Do it, freak!" Grace "You Owe Me One" Polk keeps trying to rouse Boozith.

On the porch, Joan's alarmed to see ambulances arriving. She calls out to Adam a couple of times, as Grace comes running to the porch: "She's in here!" Joan asks what's going on as the paramedics run in. Grace tells her, "Judith." They run inside.

Joan stands watching nervously as the paramedics take Boozith's vital signs. Cute Guy God meanders over. Joan asks hoarsely, "Why are you letting this happen? Do something!" He says, "'Keep your eyes open.' That's all I asked." Joan's outraged: "You're blaming me for this? No way are you blaming me!" He wanders off.

I watch some unbelievably annoying Gap commercial while Frink goes to the kitchen. I yell to him, "Do you not think Sarah Jessica Parker is the most incredibly horse-faced woman?" He agrees that he can't believe she's even considered pretty, never mind sexy.

Kevin's sitting in the kitchen alone, mushing some food around, when Joan comes in, in her pyjamas. She looks at what he's doing, commenting, "Ew, that's gross." He agrees. She wants to know if she can have some. He says sure, adding, "I hear you and Luke are grounded." Joan: "Yep." Kevin: "Dad seemed almost relieved that Luke did something so normal-bad-kid-like." Joan asks what they said about her. Kevin: "Oh, they just think you're nuts." He laughs, and remarks, "So, that girl's going to be okay." Joan points out that she almost died. She asks if he talked to Andy. Kevin, "Oh, yeah. We had a lovely chat. That Mom and Dad will never hear about." Joan knows. Kevin: "Remember how I thought it was crazy for him to sue us?" Joan does. Kevin says he doesn't know now: "I mean, I always thought Andy was the moron for driving that night." Joan says he was: "You don't drive drunk." Kevin agrees, but says he could have stopped him. Joan insists it's not Kevin's fault: "Andy has to take responsibility for what he did." She pushes herself away from the table irritably and says, "You shouldn't have gone to see him!" She leaves. You can tell Kevin doesn't think so.

Morning. Chewy's at the front door, and Will invites him in. Chewy says he was told not to bother him on his day off, "But I thought you'd" Will: "What? What is it?" He says, "There's been some trouble." Maybe Chewy's going to tell us about an outrageous price increase in the junk food vending machines at the station. But it's much worse.

Cut to TV footage of a burning house. It's Mrs. Wallace's home. The reporter talks about the fire being suspicious and that she had agreed to testify in the drive-by case. Will's standing by the TV, saying, "No, damn it, no!" Joan comes in and asks what happened. Helen tells her that a murder witness Will was working with was killed. Will: "And I pushed her to get involved." Helen reassures him that he did the right thing. Will: "She's dead, Helen." They watch her body being loaded into a vehicle. I don't think I understand why Chewy had to come to the house to tell Will.

Boozith is lying in her hospital bed, hooked up to a few tubes. Joan comes to see her. I guess she got an exemption from the grounding. Boozith murmurs, "Joanith in the hizzouse." Joan asks where her parents are; Boozith replies weakly that her father's giving a speech at "Shrinkapalooza." She notices the seriousness of Joan's expression and says, "What? You look worse than me." Joan says she should have taken the bottle away from her. Well, actually, she did, and Boozith just grabbed another one. Boozith: "This is my thingnot yours." Well, that's the first intelligent thing she's said in the whole show. Joan says it doesn't work like that: "It doesn't work if everyone is alone, you know?" I dunno. I'd like to see just how things would work if everybody took appropriate amounts of responsibility for their own damn behaviour. Joan says she was supposed to keep her eyes open, and lapses into babbling about Kevin and Andy and Boozith and Adam and her father and his dead witness: "And even though I see now, I probably sent the cosmos spinning off course, and we're all gonna end up sucked into a black hole and there'll be no more world, and I'm just really, reallyI'm really sorry, Judith." Aw, Joan. You really need to get over yourself. Boozith's asleep, anyway. Joan notices, and gets off the bed, giving Boozith a kiss on the forehead before she leaves.

Out in the hallway, she runs into Adam "Love Isn't Easy (But It Sure Is Hard Enough)" Rove. Adam says he's on his way to work, and figured Joan would be there. They walk slowly together. Joan says Boozith's sleeping, and that the doctors said she'd be discharged in a couple of days. Adam: "Just glad you didn't like the taste." Joan chortles a bit, saying, "Yeah, me too." They sit down to each other. The music playing in this scene is Lauren Hart's "I Might Be." Joan's a little teary, and tells him, "You know, I thought when you left..." She hesitates a long while before continuing, "That you had left me." Adam shakes his head slightly: "Nothing's ever been that easy with us, Joan." She says quietly, "Jane." He doesn't say anything. Joan says she didn't really want him to shake his booty. Adam chuckles weakly, saying, "That would have been ugly." Mmm, I'll be the judge of that, thanks. Joan: "I was just trying to figure out who I wanted to be. You know, like what kind of person. I didn't want anyone else to tell me." Adam knows. She asks, "Do you know who you are?" He replies, "I don't try to figure it out, really." She shrugs, saying maybe it's not important: "It's about what we do for each other, isn't it?" He looks at her, finally seeing something of the girl he fell in love with, and says, "Jane," almost inaudibly. They lean toward each other for a fairly chaste kiss. He says that he could call in sick and take off to Mercer Creek. Joan takes his hand, and says that Boozith's alone, and she should be there when she wakes up: "But we'll have plenty of time to spend together, right?" Let's hope so. Adam nods: "Yeah. Lots." Down the hall, Joan notices Mrs. LandingGod, working as a candy striper. She tells Adam she doesn't want him to be late, and that he should go. He takes off with a brief kiss.

Joan walks slowly over to Mrs. LandingGod, who gives Joan one of her sad, soulful looks over the top of her glasses. The music in this part of the scene is a song called "Can't Be Long," by The Enablersfounded by Barbara Hall. Joan has tears in her eyes as she says, "You should have been more specific." No response. Joan sighs. "You could have made me." Mrs. LandingGod says, "I can only point things out. Give you choices." Joan: "But what if I mess up again?" She squeezes her face up as the tears come. "I don't want to mess up again." Mrs. "Take A Chance On Me" LandingGod gestures for Joan to come to her, and Joan hugs her and cries as Mrs. LandingGod pats her back, and strokes her hair and shushes her gently. "Well I think I'll go / Down to the river / And let that water / Wash over me / Yes I think I'll go / Down to the river / And let that water / Wash over me / 'Cause it can't be long / You know it can't be long / Until my Lord / Remembers me" The camera draws away slowly until the image is surrounded with black and the image keeps getting smaller and smaller and then it disappears in a tiny rectangular box in the middle of the screen. What's that about?